


Under the Moon's Eye

by Amrun, LolaLot



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:26:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 253,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrun/pseuds/Amrun, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LolaLot/pseuds/LolaLot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By the time they wake up from the dreams induced by the Infinite Tsukuyomi, it’s all over. The world is saved -- or so they’d like to say. In the wake of the war, every day is as uncertain as the night before the confrontation. Some wake, while the civilians dream on, leaving the ninja to fend for themselves without their support network. Every day is still a fight. Co-author Amrun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Game of Cards

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: This is a JOINT project between me and KakaSaku author Amrun! This story does, quite obviously, contain nearly-current manga spoilers (677). We're having a blast, so I hope you stick with us! This prologue is only a little teaser. It shouldn't interfere with our other projects, especially Playing the Game. Amrun works at her own pace on that regardless of whatever else she does -- but a new chapter is out now, so check it out if you follow it. Behind the Porcelain Mask is recently updated as well.
> 
> We noticed a distinct lack of current KakaSaku stories up on the new canon content, so, here's our solution. Hope you enjoy.

Under the Moon's Eye

Prologue

A Game of Cards

.....................................................................................

"Sakura."

"Kakashi."

The names were breathed out effortlessly, rolled off their lips in quick pants. The air was thick on their skin, only adding to the heat that already caused a thin sheen of sweat to coat their naked bodies. Moans filled the room, the tones and rhythm of them alternating smoothly between desperate and restless, muted and strained. Just like their voices deepened and intensified with every thrust of his hips, the tension in their cores tightened, not allowing them a moment's freedom from their bodies' incessant demands.

Red and black eyes locked with emerald eyes, the same way emerald eyes captured red and black eyes.

The same way he thrusted into her, she rolled her hips into his, trapping him in her warmth.

Ravenous, his lips latched onto hers, tasting their sweetness with unabashed greed. Fuller, pinker lips responded just as insistent, pressing too hard in a characteristic lack of patience and control. Just as selfish, they imposed her own pace.

"Hold me tighter," she blatantly ordered.

"Don't rip my hair out," he chuckled.

Her head rolled back, her lips parted in a silent whimper when he obeyed her command.

His mismatched eyes visibly clouded, never leaving the green color that had them hypnotised.

The image shifted out of focus, rendering the couple to nothing but a blur.

"No, not yet."

The feel of their constricted throats groaning in joint pleasure shifted back into view once more, returning the entangled bodies to the forefront.

Darkness veiled the scene quietly, slowly muting the sounds.

"No."

The sounds of their voice still echoed in the background, demanding nothing short of the most complete attention.

Nonetheless, Kakashi’s eyes opened to a wasteland, perfectly in time with Sakura’s eyes that saw nothing but corpses.

Never missing a beat, their gazes met again, locked together as the truth dawned on them.

The Infinite Tsukuyomi.

Sakura and Kakashi lunged forward, not allowing themselves to spare each other another glance before they met at the edge of a gorge that had appeared during their captivity.

"I don't see them," Sakura breathed out, standing straight at Kakashi's side among the silent chaos that was the battlefield.

Kakashi's lack of words only exacerbated the absurdity that laid ahead.

Hundreds upon hundreds of mangled corpses covered the ground, littered with cocoons that contained the zombies that Madara's insanity had created. Not one body remained standing in sight. The lack of a single sound was maddening. Sakura's every limb trembled, incoherent and furious protests at the situation's revolting result burning in the back of her throat. Kakashi's mind remained a blank, in blatant refusal to believe the image his brain forced on him.

With the strength of character only ninja could bring themselves to exert, they snapped out of their trance and glanced at each other, nodding before they leapt across the gap and ran to their respective targets.

While Sakura scouted the east side, Kakashi sprinted through the west side.

It wasn't long before Kakashi skidded to a stop near Sasuke's battered body. Kakashi’s hand reached for Sasuke's throat without even taking a look at the boy, with the impatience only perfect panic and denial could strike in a person.

"Sakura!"

Immediately, Sakura turned and bolted towards the direction his harsh cry had come from. 

"Kakashi!"

It was barely a few seconds before she, too, dropped to her knees at the Uchiha's side. Only for an instant, Kakashi and Sakura’s eyes met, before her palms glowed green and searched their friend's unconscious body. When Sasuke’s internal injury was located, she breathed a sigh of relief. It was nothing serious, as he proved by coughing and hurrying to sit up.

"Sasuke!" Sakura whispered, frozen in anguish.

"Is it over?" Kakashi questioned, eyes locked with the Uchiha's.

Sasuke's silent nod released the iron grip on Sakura and Kakashi's hearts, causing them to plop down where they kneeled in exhaustion.

While the duo relished in their newfound relief, Sasuke stood and scanned the idea, hands balling into fists at his sides.

After throwing a glance at their companion, Sakura and Kakashi's eyes met in a hurry, wide and quivering, the same horrid scene playing in their minds.

"No." Sakura shook her head. "No."

When Sakura's body sprang up, Kakashi's followed fluidly, repeating her steps until he was ahead of her.

They both knew -- as soon as Kakashi's sprint had slowed to a sluggish and heavy pace, before he caught Sakura in his arms and trapped her there, keeping her from throwing herself at him.

Solemn, Sasuke walked past them, his own feet leaden regardless of the emptiness in his dark eyes.

Quietly, he kneeled by his friend and remained silent.

Sakura's knees buckled and her weight collapsed in her sensei's arms. As desperate and broken, his grip on her flak jacket tightened, trembled.

"No," Sakura cried brokenly.

Sasuke brushed his palm over his friend's eyes, closing them for the last time so he could finally rest.

"No!" Sakura shouted in Kakashi's chest, fighting his hold on her body. "No!"

_Not him. Please, not him._


	2. Tomorrow

The air outside was heavy with the stench of fear and the unwashed bodies of the travel-weary Third Division.  If Kakashi stood still long enough to feel the breeze, he could taste the anticipation on his tongue – coppery, coagulated with dread, like old blood.  It was the night before the big battle in this war, the second war of Kakashi's lifetime and likely to be the last, one way or another.  Kakashi knew that soon, the tension would pop like a bubble and the scent in the wind would change to spilled viscera, emptied bowels, and the fury of battle.  It was a sweeter taste than one might think, something Kakashi preferred not to think about.

 

But here, inside his spacious commander's tent where he was almost settled down for the night, there was no breeze.  The only smell was Sakura and the lingering remnants of slightly-stagnant river water.  Even out here, on the field of contention, she managed to be a little bit fresher than everyone else, just slightly more bright eyed.

 

Come watch my back, she'd said this morning before the sun rose, when the vast encampment was only beginning to stir.   I found a clean pool .

 

She'd led him to a bend in the river, hidden from view by a copse of trees and just far enough away that he almost scolded her for wandering so far without him or  someone along for safety.  The protest died in his throat when Sakura, unabashed, shed her clothes – flak jacket, pants, the uniform of war that looked so foreign on her – and waded in without pause. Once submerged, she'd turned and faced him with expectation.

 

You stink, Kaka-sensei, she'd said with a laugh and a twinkle in her eye.

 

He followed her in, and now they would face the next day clean, grime washed away unlike the sins he knew were coming.

 

Now, in the tent, away from tomorrow and the coppery anticipation, she smiled at him again over the top of her playing cards.

 

"No sixes, eh?"

 

Kakashi glanced down.  A two of clubs, a seven of spades – a quick scan over the others, but no sixes.

 

"Go fish," Kakashi said, smiling back at her.

 

\---

 

"Any more luck, Kakashi-san?"  Shizune's beleaguered voice broke Kakashi from his reverie.

 

Kakashi let go of the cocoon he had finished slashing through ages ago.  Inside of it was a Lightning ninja he didn't recognize, still alive in some marginal way, staring up at where the moon had been with a rapt expression.

 

"More of these.  More corpses too," Kakashi said.

 

The frown lines dug deeper into Shizune's face, barely visible behind the layer of filth that coated them all.

 

"No wakers? None at all?"

 

"They're starting to die now, even those without any visible wounds.  Dehydration?"  Kakashi shrugged.  "You'd know better than me."

 

"It's been almost twenty hours since we last found a waker," Shizune said, disregarding what he had said, though from the tilt of her gaze and the fidgeting of bony fingers, Kakashi knew she heard him.

 

"It's time, then."

 

Shizune didn't meet his gaze.  "It seems so..."

 

"I'll tell her."

 

Shizune opened another cocoon, allergic to idleness in times like this as was every medic he knew. The smell that poured out – sickly and cloying, it reminded him of fruit rotting in the sun – told Kakashi what was inside before he looked.

 

Shizune continued the conversation, not commenting on the contents of the cocoon. "Are you – well, she's very –"

 

"I'm sure," Kakashi said as he sawed at a new cocoon.

 

His kunai was dull by now and struggling to make an opening in the strange fabric-like material.  There were no new blades to replace it, unless – Kakashi turned and fished in the pockets of the mortifying corpse Shizune had unveiled.  He was rewarded with a few fresh shuriken.

 

Kakashi was so focused on the routine that he barely registered more than the familiar smell when the cocoon finally opened.  The frame was too large to be Ino, but still, Kakashi gave a cursory check anyway.  He started to turn away, relieved that even through the bloated flesh it was obviously a man.  A full second later, Kakashi's mind caught up with him and registered a flash of telltale green.

 

With trembling hands, Kakashi cut upwards towards the face.  Lee had grown so much in recent years that it was hard to say which one it was – but the high cheekbones, the prominent nose confirmed it.

 

Shizune was somehow right next to him, her hand over her mouth and fresh tears welling in her eyes.  "Oh, Gai.  How horrible."

 

She began to shake, turning away so Kakashi would not see her cry.  It was almost a custom, now, to just pretend it wasn't happening – so Kakashi assumed the commonly accepted, polite reaction of quietly waiting it out.

 

"I'm sorry," Shizune said afterwards, taking a slight departure from custom.  "It's just – to see Naruto-kun's work undone in such a way..."

 

The mention of his name made Kakashi's stomach roll with the uncomfortable sensation that he might have retched if there was anything in his belly to unsettle.

 

"Let's go back," he said instead.

 

Shizune followed him wordlessly back to camp, which was bursting with activity, strangely at odds with the masses of apparently-sleeping ninja sprawled everywhere.  Kakashi thought he understood war, but this one was the opposite of everything he knew.  The quiet he expected in the aftermath, but it had come in the before-time, in a tent and a river – beyond them all now.  Civilians dead, ninja alive...  Everything was flipped on its head.

 

They had barely been back in camp five minutes before Sakura found them, shoving half of a mealy, too-soft apple into each of their hands. Likely, it was the greater portion of Sakura's rations, but Kakashi didn't have the energy to argue with her right now and so made a show of biting into it.

 

She ignored his gesture, placid eyes glued to him in a way he understood all too well.  When he said nothing, her face fell.

 

"I want to go ranging tomorrow," Sakura said, steeling herself.  "Shizune can take my duties here."

 

Kakashi took another bite of his apple and forced himself not to look away as realization crept into her features.

 

"No.  No!  We found Chouji  yesterday !  We could find more tomorrow.  We could –"

 

"Sakura, haven't you talked this over with Tsunade-sama enough?"  Shizune's sigh was tired; the argument was not fresh.  "We're almost out of provisions."

 

The set of Sakura's jaw was a stubborn one, but Kakashi disregarded that.  He finished his quarter of the apple and handed the other part to her.  She held it in limp hands and turned to him, waiting.

 

"Gai's dead."

 

The news shocked the fight right out of her with a sharp inhalation of breath.  "Dead, or –?"

 

"Dead."

 

Her fingers tightened minutely on the mushy piece of apple.

 

"Haven't you had enough by now?" Kakashi said.

 

Sakura said nothing at first, but he could see her relenting, and knew it was for his sake.   She tucked the apple back into his palm.

 

"All right.  I'll begin the preparations."

 

Just as quickly as she appeared, Sakura spirited away, busy with the lion's share of the administration duties that had fallen on her shoulders.

 

Shizune mentioned Tsunade-sama and fled just as quickly.

 

Kakashi turned slowly to Sasuke, who was leaning against the door of the ramshackle lean-to he occupied with the remnants of Team Taka.

 

"So we're leaving then."

 

"Tomorrow," Kakashi said.  "Be ready."

 

"We'll just pack up all our things then," Suigetsu quipped from behind Sasuke, lounging on the dirt corner he had chosen as a bed, juggling kunai.  "Only I'm worried about our fine china.  Know of a good shipping company?"

 

"Shut up," Sasuke said, though his dark but cloudy eyes were still trained on Kakashi.  "You shouldn't have promised her you would find Ino."

 

Kakashi scowled.  "I didn't.  I said I'd look."

 

"If you say so," Sasuke said with a shrug, letting the implication hang in the air.

 

Kakashi tamped down latent bitterness, the importance of which had faded long ago.  "You intend to come home, then."

 

"Will there be a home to come to?"

 

Kakashi clenched his jaw to stop himself from snapping.

 

"Yes," Sasuke said quietly.  "Yes, if they'll have me.  And Juugo and Suigetsu."

 

"Karin?"  Kakashi's fists loosened at his side.  She had been missing last he knew.

 

Sasuke shook his head.  Suigetsu nicked himself with one of the kunai and swore loudly.

 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kakashi said.  "You'll be welcome in Konoha, such as it is, as long as I have anything to say about it."

 

"Do you?"  Sasuke's crossed arms tightened.  "Have anything to say about it?"

 

Kakashi stared at his former student, but without any meaningful answer for him, turned away.  When he was almost out of earshot, Kakashi heard Suigetsu complain.

 

"Why are you so weird with that guy?  Who was he again?"

 

Kakashi didn't linger to hear Sasuke's reply.

 

\---

 

The meeting shouldn't have bored Kakashi, but it did.  He should have cared about provisions negotiations and any number of other things that fell under the umbrella of his duty as division commander even though the division itself had become redundant.  Splitting up and heading for their respective homes was not as easy as it sounded.

 

Kakashi was surprised at the spirited argument that broke out about leaving the others behind – for that's what they were called, the "others" or the "sleepers" to distinguish them from the living and the dead, of which they were neither.

 

As far as Kakashi and Tsunade were concerned, the decision was simple, so Konoha's corner was rather quiet.  But then, perhaps they had already exhausted their reasoning on Sakura.  Sakura's quiet eyes had come much closer to swaying Kakashi than the Tsuchikage's strident tirade about the value of humanity.  And Sakura had never argued that they should carry the others home, only that they should stay until all the sleepers became wakers, refusing to accept the reality she did not want to contemplate.

 

The other Kage and commanders seemed to come to a tacit agreement that the Tsuchikage's plan was absurd, and finally, it seemed, the debate was at an end.

 

"Tsuchikage, you and all your Rock nin are free to do what you like with the sleepers of your nation.  You have the Alliance's full support, but we expect you to support our decisions as well," Gaara said, sounding weary.  "I do not feel that my Suna nin are equipped to successfully transport any sleepers.  Even the injured wakers will be a struggle."

 

The Tsuchikage scowled, though Kakashi could hardly tell the difference from his usual crags, but sat down.

 

Gaara straightened, adjusting his gourd.  "Only one matter remains to be settled: that of Uchiha Sasuke."

 

"I will not forget his crimes so easily," the Raikage said, expression stony.  "I expect a trial and swift punishment, preferably execution."

 

"Execution?" Tsunade snapped, perking up, wearing all her wrinkles as she had for quite some time now.  "We'd all be dead if not for Uchiha Sasuke."

 

"Would we?" Ai growled.  "Would there have been a war at all?"

 

Tsunade snorted indignantly.  "That boy was nothing more than a fly in a trap.  Don't be so quick to –"

 

"My brother –" Ai roared, slamming his fist on the table.

 

"Died to the Infinite Tsukuyomi," Kakashi said quietly.  "That wasn't Sasuke's fault."

 

"You believe him, then?" Ai said, face thunderous.  "Just like every other doujutsu user, he hasn't yet managed progress on even one sleeper."

 

"Neither have the Hyuuga," Hyuuga Hiashi shot back, bristling at Kakashi’s side.  "Are we liars as well?"

 

"Were the Hyuuga also the last ones to see Uzumaki Naruto alive?"

 

Kakashi closed his eyes against the Raikage's words that cut like shuriken.  No one else spoke either, the silence as thick as a shroud.

 

"By all accounts, Uchiha's eyes are damaged," the Tsuchikage said carefully.  "Perhaps that's why he cannot wake any sleepers."

 

"His visual acuity is severely impaired," Tsunade said coldly.

 

"What does that matter when he has the Rinnegan?"  Despite his words, Ai was losing steam.

 

Tsunade didn't flinch.  "Rinnegan that if he activates again will likely permanently blind him and has no guarantee of waking anyone?"

 

"Let Konoha handle its own," Gaara said.

 

"Uchiha Sasuke is beyond the scope of Konoha," Ai said, newly incensed.  "When did he even take that cloak off?  How long ago was that?  And you expect us to –"

 

"Do you doubt Naruto?" Kakashi said, and Ai faltered.  "Is this how you honor his memory?  By failing to honor his request to you?  Have you forgotten?"

 

Ai stilled.  "Of course I don't doubt Naruto. I haven't forgotten what he asked me in Iron Country."

 

After a moment, Gaara said, "Sasuke falls under the jurisdiction of Konohagakure alone.  Any objections?"

 

Ai shook his head first and the rest of those at the table followed.

 

"It's settled, then. We must return to our respective villages to assess.  If..."  Gaara paused.  "If any of us find the situation there ... untenable, then I think we should regroup in Konoha.  It has the most fertile land and a central location."

 

"Rock has more arable land," the Tsuchikage argued.

 

Choujiro, Mist's current representative hastily chosen after discovering Terumi Mei's body, spoke for once.  "You expect my Mist nin to get over your border mountains?  How? We make boats."

 

The Tsuchikage frowned.  "The border mountains do present an issue for those unfamiliar with them..."

 

"This is only in the worst case scenario," Gaara assured, and all the meeting attendees nodded in turn.  "Well then, I hereby dissolve the Divisions.  May you all set out according to your wishes and needs."

 

"Konoha leaves tomorrow," Tsunade announced, standing up much more slowly than she used to.  "It's time for us to go home."

 

Kakashi followed his Hokage and Hyuuga Hiashi out of the door, unsurprised to see Sakura and Shizune hovering on the other side.

 

"Do you have to pee or something, Sakura?" snapped Tsunade.  "Stop hopping about.  I told you Sasuke would be fine."

 

"Yes, Shishou," Sakura said, but her relief was visible.  "Sorry, Shishou."

 

"Don't you two have work to be getting on with?" Tsunade said, but her eyes were soft, nestled into an unfamiliar sunken face, as she looked at Sakura.

 

"Let me apprise you of the situation, Tsunade-sama," Shizune said, and stepped into place next to the Hokage and Hiashi.

 

They walked off, leaving Sakura with Kakashi.

 

"Is he really coming home with us?" she whispered.

 

"Looks like it," Kakashi said, and immediately regretted it.  What if it failed to work out as they planned, as it so often did?

 

But Sakura smiled, weak though it was.  "He would be so happy."

 

They both knew she didn't mean Sasuke.  She couldn't say anything else, and looked away.

 

Kakashi reached out a hesitant hand and laid it heavily upon her shoulder.

 

"Sakura, stop dilly dallying," Tsunade called from a distance.

 

Sakura met his gaze again and gently broke free of his grip.  "I've got to go.  I'll see you tomorrow, all right?"

 

"Tomorrow."

 

He watched her walk away, feeling for all the world as if he should run after her.  Tomorrow – any tomorrow, every tomorrow – was just as uncertain now as it was the last time they played cards and pretended it wasn't.

 

\---

 

"Konohamaru, will you stop jostling poor Taka-san like that?  He's in enough pain as it is," Sakura snapped, hair mussed, carrying the hind end of two different stretchers, one in each hand.

 

Konohamaru shot her a glare, muttering under his breath as he supported the other end of the left stretcher.  Udon, holding the stretcher on the right, coughed, a deep, hacking rattle.  Konohamaru rushed to grab onto the stretcher Udon was dropping, struggling and failing to steady both.  The patient on the right tumbled to the ground, landing with a dull  thud and a pained moan.

 

"Taka-san, I'm so sorry!"  Sakura carefully rested the other stretcher on the ground and rushed to the man's side, the turned steely eyes on Konohamaru.  "Get a grip, Konohamaru."

 

Konohamaru's jaw dropped in indignation.  "So sorry I’m not a freak of nature like you!”

 

"It's really my fault, Taka-san," Udon wheezed, still clutching his chest.  "I apologize."

 

"Udon-kun, I'm sorry too," Sakura said gently.  "I'm afraid I've worked you too hard.  Why don't you and Konohamaru take a break to round up some more helpers, hmm?"

 

"Great, thanks," Konohamaru said stiffly and yanked Udon away.

 

Kakashi watched, leaning against a tree, as Sakura fussed over and re-situated the man she'd called Taka-san.

 

"A little harried, are we?"

 

"Thanks for helping out there, Kakashi-sensei. Great timing," she said with a scowl.  "Seeing as you're so busy and all."

 

Kakashi uncrossed his arms.  "Rushing won't get us home any faster, you know."

 

"First you want us to leave but now you're in no hurry?  Sounds like you."

 

"I'm more curious as to why you  are in a hurry."

 

Her hands paused where they were re-tying a bandage.  "You were right.  I have had enough.  Enough death.  Most of all, enough waiting."

 

Kakashi didn't ask her to explain; he understood.  "Well, let's go then," he said, gripping both stretchers like he had seen her do.

 

Face relaxing in relief, she got into position and led him purposefully.  He didn't pay attention to the specifics of medical traffic, so he merely followed and tried to keep the stretchers steady.  Sakura made it look easy, but in actuality it was quite difficult, especially as stooped as he was to account for their differences in height.  Poor Taka-san was jostled more than Konohamaru had done, but Sakura made no comment.

 

"Visit with Yamato-taichou, will you?  I haven't had much time for him today, and with what happened..."  She trailed off, and Kakashi could see her eyes looking up and to the left, her mind already on her next task, so he just walked away.

 

Kakashi made his way to the section of medical tents designated for the walking wounded and straight to the fourth floor space on the left, one he was familiar with.  Kakashi sat cross legged in front of his old friend.

 

"How's my little kohai today?  I heard you needed a babysitter."

 

Yamato blushed.  "She worries too much.  I'm alive.  I'm not stupid enough to be ungrateful for that."

 

Still, Kakashi did his best to avoid looking at the bloody, bandaged stump that used to be Yamato's left arm, the one that made the water seals necessary to use his wood release.

 

"I told her earth chakra has always been your favorite anyway, but you know, women and their hormones..."  Kakashi waved a dismissive hand.

 

Yamato smiled weakly.  "It's nice to be worried about, I think."

 

Kakashi did not respond, but he wasn't arguing.  "Here," he said instead, handing Yamato the dog-eared Icha Icha from his pocket.  "If you were a leftie, it'll be a whole new experience."

 

Yamato choked, dropping the book into his lap, cheeks blazing.  "I couldn't possibly...  It's the only one you –"

 

Kakashi cut him off.  "I have more at home.  And that's where we're going."

 

"Yeah," Yamato said, a far-off look in his eye.  "Home.  It'll be nice, won't it?"

 

"Can't imagine anything nicer just now."

 

The silence descended with a heaviness, the doubt unspoken and stretching between them the way it always did with everyone these days.  It wasn't a coincidence that, despite it being on the tip of everyone's tongues, almost no one ever said the name: Konoha.

 

"Well, I probably have some duties I'm avoiding right about now."

 

Yamato tried to summon a smile.  "Time to be fashionably late, is it?"

 

"Naturally."

 

"See you around, then."

 

"See you."

 

Kakashi stood and dusted himself off, turning away from the bloody stump it was difficult not to stare at.  Yamato wanted to pretend it wasn't a big deal, but it was so hard to ignore, so hard to remain cheerful in the face of everything, most of all that stump.

 

Kakashi stepped outside and stood in line for the water pump.  It took him a few seconds to recognize he was behind Udon and Konohamaru.

 

"'Oh, Udon-kun, I'm so sorry,'" Konohamaru was saying in a high, breathy voice, fluttering his eyelashes at Udon. "'Oh, Udon-kun, please let me suck your dick.'"

 

Udon let loose a small, nervous laugh, a raspy chuckle that caught in his throat. "I-I think it's your dick she wants,” he said, blushing furiously.

 

"No way," Konohamaru said with a shake of his head, but a smirk on his face.  "Besides, Naruto-nii-sama always said she was in love with Sasuke."

 

Kakashi couldn't decide what caught him more off guard: that they were talking about Sakura in that way – though he remembered being a teenage boy himself –or "Naruto-nii-sama."  Kakashi would have pegged Konohamaru as the last one to join in the new trend of adding "sama" to Naruto's name.  It seemed to be spreading like wildfire.  Naruto was already a legend, larger than life, too good for the world, beyond mere mortals.  That's how people were rationalizing it, anyway.  To Kakashi, Naruto's absence was simply blank.  Nothing was just right, without him.  Not anymore.

 

Suddenly, there was a whiff of unnatural breeze that prickled the back of Kakashi’s neck.  Someone had just run by at top speed, and a strange smell was in the air, something heightened, something new.  Kakashi abandoned the water line and took off in the direction of the runner to where a small crowd had gathered.

 

“A new waker?” he heard someone mutter to his friend.  “Will we still leave?”

 

Kakashi pushed through and the crowd parted for him with no protest, a few respectful nods coming his way.  When he finally spotted what the commotion was about, his heart caught in his throat.

 

Sakura had her arms around a horrifyingly skinny Sai, hanging on for dear life.  A filthy looking mutt that Kakashi took a second to place as Akamaru, Kiba’s ninken, was prancing around their feet.

 

“You stupid, stupid, man.  Stupid, stupid, stupid, silly man,” Sakura was saying over and over again, eyes clenched shut, tears leaking out the corners.  “How could you worry me like that?”

 

“I’m sorry?” Sai hazarded a guess, thin black brows raised in confusion.

 

Sakura started to laugh through her tears and stood on her tiptoes to plant a chaste kiss on Sai’s cheek.  “Never apologize for coming home.  Haven’t we taught you that by now?”

 

Kakashi stepped forward as Sakura finally released Sai.  “Good morning.”

 

Sai paused, looking up at the sky.  “When we get to Konoha, I’m going to paint the sun.”

 

Sakura finished wiping her cheeks and grabbed Sai’s bony forearm.  “Come on.  I’ve got to assess your health so we can determine your travel status.”

 

She led him away and Kakashi followed, tuning out Sakura’s mile-a-minute chatter and Akamaru’s excited yips.

 

“We haven’t found any civilians yet.  They seem to lack the capability that we have to break out of the jutsu –”

 

“That some of us have,” Sai corrected softly, and Sakura almost stumbled.

 

“Right,” she said shakily.  “Right…”

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, taking the distant look out of her eyes.  “Afterwards, bring him to Tsunade-sama.”

 

“Yes, sir.”  She understood an order when she heard one.  “Come on, then, Sai.  It seems we’re in a hurry.  But maybe we can still find time to stop by and see Yamato-taichou.  He’ll be so pleased to see you.”

 

As Sakura and Sai continued on, Kakashi motioned to Akamaru.  The dog obediently sat in front of him, panting.

 

Kakashi scratched him behind the ears.  “Well, aren’t you interesting…”

 

\---

 

Tenten, tangled hair spilling from once-careful buns and brown eyes ablaze, had the telltale twitchy hands of a ninja wishing for her weapons.  Still, Hyuuga Ko blocked her from entering the room.

 

“I’m afraid you are not authorized to meet with Tsunade-sama at this time –”

 

“Let her in,” Hinata said softly.  “It’s Tenten.”

 

Without word, Ko stood aside and Tenten spared him barely a glance as she was admitted to what had become the inner sanctum of this far-away base.  She breezed right past Kakashi and her eyes flickered to Akamaru, where Sakura was petting him and whispering softly as he devoured some sort of food – stale bread soaked in water, it looked like, but food nonetheless.

 

“I heard Kiba’s dead,” Tenten said without any preamble, her face hard, thin lips a slash in a pale face, so unlike the bright smile she once sported.  “But Akamaru found Sai.”

 

Hinata choked, swaying on her feet.  Shino put a steadying hand on her bicep, and though he looked as calm as ever, his kikaichu were buzzing angrily.

 

Tenten didn’t react.  “Do we know?  Do we know for sure, about Kiba?”

 

Sai cleared his throat.  “Akamaru brought me to him.”

 

Only the clench of Tenten’s jaw showed she had heard him.  “Then he should have brought you to Lee as well.  Tell me.”

 

The silence, the quick glances between members of the room, did not satisfy her.

 

“I’ve been searching all day – every day.  There are too many, but with Akamaru’s nose, if he recognized  you , then he should have –”

 

“I did not authorize any ranging today,” Tsunade said from her central place at the table, her voice ringing out like a bell.

 

Tenten, who used to be so obedient, ever admiring of the first female Hokage, did not even flinch.  “I don’t care.  Let me take Akamaru out to look for him.”

 

The furrow between Tsunade’s greyed brows belied her irritation, but she did not comment.  “We leave in twenty minutes.  The final preparations are being made as we speak.”

 

“Then let me stay behind with Akamaru.  I can fend for myself.  I’ll find him, I know I will –”

 

“Akamaru now belongs with Inuzuka Hana, and I need all my ninja with me.”  Tsunade’s gaze met Tenten’s head on, challenging her.

 

Tenten stared back, fury written in her posture and her clenched fists.

 

Shikamaru dislodged himself from leaning against the wall, uncommonly rigid.  “He didn’t find Ino either.”

 

Sakura’s hand paused mid-stroke and she clasped the fur on Akamaru’s back too tight, but he didn’t whimper.

 

Finally, Tenten relented, dropping her eyes to the floor.  After a long, shaky inhalation, she turned and fled, shoving Hyuuga Ko to the side.

 

No one said anything, at first.  Then Sakura resumed her whispering, and in the new quiet, Kakashi could just make it out.

 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…”

 

“No one has said…” Sai said.  “No one has said anything.  But I have to know.”

 

Sakura ceased her whispering again and buried her face into Akamaru’s neck.

 

Sai didn’t miss that, but he spoke anyway.  “Where is Naruto?”

 

\---

 

Kakashi wiped the sweat from his brow, sure he was smearing more dirt across it – not that anyone would be able to notice.  His hair was hanging down over his forehead protector, limp with exertion, and he pushed it away in annoyance.  Still, he was unused to wearing his forehead protector straight, like others did.  The complete peripheral vision was nice, but even though he was more complete, technically, the ache of physical loss gnawed at him.

 

Like a missing limb, he thought, and then discarded the idea quickly, ashamed.

 

“I think it’s deep enough,” Inuzuka Hana said wryly, and Kakashi almost jumped at the sound of her voice.

 

He stopped digging and stepped out of the grave.  Hana was right, so Kakashi tipped the next victim of the road into the hole he had dug.  It was a woman he did not recognize – gaunt, now, but still bearing the traces of the once-beautiful girl she had been – but Kakashi couldn’t think about it any longer.  She wasn’t the first to be buried on the long trek home.  He dumped a shovelful of dirt onto her pretty face.

 

Hana was squatting over own victim, rolling him with heavy  thump into the grave she dug.

 

“Poor Taka,” she said listlessly.  “He was a good lay.”

 

“We could have traded,” Kakashi said.  “If you knew him.”

 

She shook her head, long ponytail swinging.  “I’d rather do it myself.  I buried my mother, too.  I wish they’d let me bury Kiba.”

 

Akamaru whined, resting his head on his paws.  Kakashi eyed the dog, wondering just how much he understood.

 

“I was curious if that’s why you picked me for this,” Hana said.  “I thought you’d understand ninken better than most, though.”

 

“I do,” Kakashi said.  “But summoned ninken aren’t quite the same.  You understand why it matters, don’t you?”

 

Hana sighed.  “People are anxious about their children back at home.  But ninken aren’t children.”

 

“It doesn’t appear that he was cocooned at all.”

 

“Neither were the other animals.  The ones eating the corpses.”  Hana’s shovelful of dirt went a little wild, spraying a bit too far.

 

“Ninken aren’t children, it’s true, but they’re not the same as other animals, either.”

 

Hana’s shovel stilled.  “They’re intelligent.  More intelligent than many children I know.  But so much of what we do is trained into them, by habit and jutsu and –  No genjutsu ever worked on my ninken that I know of, though they fell in battle before the Infinite Tsukuyomi struck.  I don’t know if they have … imaginations.  But children do, don’t they?”

 

“Yes,” Kakashi said quietly, the soft  schick schick  of the shovel repeatedly sinking into dirt filling the air.  “Yes, they do.”

 

\---

 

“We’re so close now I can taste it,” Sakura said, but the flickering flames of the campfire didn’t reveal to Kakashi what she was really thinking.

 

Sasuke met his eyes over the fire, but Kakashi couldn’t read him, either.

 

“I wish I could taste something besides char,” Suigetsu whined as he gnawed at a deer rib, breaking the mood.  “You Konoha nin overcook everything.”

 

“Be grateful that we are eating meat,”Juugo said.  “There are some skilled hunters among us.”

 

Suigetsu stopped sucking the marrow from the bone long enough to scoff.  “And yet not a speck of flesh before now. Sixteen hundred people, all eating like little birds.”

 

“It takes many animals to feed such a group,”Juugo said.  “Think of the devastation we would wreak on a forest if we hunted all along the way…”

 

“Like I give a rat’s ass.  There’s no one left to care, so why should I?”

 

No one answered, so Suigetsu crunched into the bone.  Kakashi never knew what to say to Sasuke’s new teammates, so he simply didn’t.  Instead, he handed his last chunk of meat to Sakura beside him.

 

“Don’t argue.  I know what you do with your rations.”

 

She flushed, but tried to give it back anyway.  “They need proper nutrition…”

 

“Sakura.”  Sasuke’s voice, as always, commanded attention.  “How many more will die if the medics die first?”

 

His tone was rebuking, and she scowled immediately.  Still, Kakashi noticed, she stopped trying to return the food.  When Sai returned from bringing Yamato his meal at the medical tents, she was quietly chewing the extra meat.

 

Sai eyed her carefully as he settled back into his place.  “We’ll be home soon.”

 

Sakura smiled, half-hearted.  “Yes.  We will.”

 

“What will we even  do there?” Suigetsu said, tossing the remains of his meal into the fire to hiss and pop.  “I really don’t get it.  Am I supposed to just sit on my thumbs?  Or do missions again?  You know I killed to get out of Mist, but stinking Konoha sounds even worse –”

 

“Don’t insult Konoha,” Sakura said, voice suddenly crackling like the fire in front of them.  “Don’t you dare.  You’re lucky we’ve even agreed to take you in after everything you’ve done,  traitor –”

 

Suigetsu bared his sharp teeth.  “What do you know about my loyalty, little girl?”

 

“It’s not  your loyalty she’s questioning.”

 

Sasuke shifted, looking discomfited for once, eyes wide seemingly at his own words.

 

“Don’t speak for me, Sasuke.  You don’t know me well enough for that.  Not anymore.”  Sakura stood and furiously brushed off the seat of her pants.  “I’m going to check on my patients.”

 

Sai followed her away wordlessly, and Kakashi was relieved.  He had barely spoken with Sakura about Sasuke.  There was nothing to say.  They both knew what had to be done; doing it was the problem.  Forgiveness was proving to be an adversary more daunting than many they’d faced in the war.

 

“We will do whatever is required of us,”Juugo said gently.  “Because it is Sasuke’s will.”

 

Suigetsu made a face, but the words seemed to mean something to him.  “Why is it always  Sasuke’s will?  What about  my will?”

 

The grumbling seemed more rote, now, though, and without much more complaining, Suigetsu settled down to sleep, pulling his sleeping bag over his head.  As usual, he was snoring within seconds.  Juugo followed suit, though as Kakashi was growing accustomed to, Juugo simply lay in the quiet as he would do for quite some time until he eventually drifted off to sleep.

 

Sasuke met Kakashi’s gaze, but said nothing.  The fire burned down to embers between them before Sakura and Sai returned.  She was in a much better mood, laughing at something Sai said, and with a great yawn, curled up into their sleeping bag and looked at Kakashi expectantly.

 

Kakashi did as he did every night and slid in next to her.  Otherwise, she’d shiver --  technically,  it was still winter, as she liked to point out.  He turned away from her to get comfortable, the heat of her back on his lulling him to sleep.  They would be home soon.

 

\---

 

Once again, Kakashi could smell the anticipation in the air, but it was different, this time.  Coppery, still, but almost humming with energy, ihe heaviness replaced with something that made people sooner to smile.  Its scent mingled with the newly minted nearly-spring air and almost made Kakashi want to take off his mask so he could breathe deeply.

 

A shout came from up ahead and Kakashi tensed, but the rumbles that spread through the ranks were not those of danger.

 

“Look!” Sakura said, a rare peal of laughter ringing in the air.  “Look!”

 

Kakashi followed her pointed finger to see the monument just barely visible on the horizon.

 

“Ah, she wasn’t an old hag there…” Sai said in bemusement and Sakura slapped him on the arm.

 

“Show some respect for your Hokage,” she scolded, but with no fire to it.

 

“What’s the big deal?” Suigetsu muttered.  “It’s just some big statue or something.”

 

“That,” Yamato said, panting as he struggled to keep up, “is the record of our existence.  It means something.  If you’re to be a Konoha nin now, you’ll have to learn.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Suigetsu said dismissively, but eyed the monument a little closer all the same.

 

The excitement of the sighting sustained them even when the trees obscured it from view again.

 

Suddenly, just as they began to draw truly near, the procession halted abruptly, the buzzing whispers taking on a different tone altogether.  Sakura scowled.

 

“What’s the hold up?  I’m going to find Tsunade-shishou.”

Sasuke reached out and grabbed her arm before she could slip away.  “Sakura.”

 

She stilled at the sound of his voice. “No.  You’re wrong.”

 

“Are you sure you want to see?”

 

She pulled out of his grasp and raced to the front of the procession.  Kakashi went after her, heart pounding, and stopped dead right before he smacked into the back of her.

 

Where the village had once been, with its round red rooftops below the watchful stone eyes of the Hokage, stood nothing but a littered crater.Konoha was simply  gone .

 

“No.”  Sakura took one shuffling step backwards, and then another.  “ No.”

 

She stepped back again, right into Kakashi’s chest, and he could feel her trembling.  He wrapped his arms around her torso to keep her steady – and immediately, she gripped his forearms so hard her jagged nails scratched at his skin.  It wasn’t long before she sagged, knees buckling, but Kakashi held her upright.

 

Sasuke quietly took his place next to them, fists clenched at his sides, jaw hardened as he stared straight ahead rigidly.  “It’s gone.”

 

All around them, the scene was repeating itself, in wave after wave as people realized what it was they were looking at.  Some were sobbing, but more of them were staring ahead, eyes wide and unbelieving.  They almost looked like sleepers again.  Maybe they wished they were.

 

Behind him, Kakashi could barely register when Suigetsu spoke.

 

“So this is what you guys were so excited about.  Huh.”

 


	3. Chapter 2: A Song for Us

Surrounded by the clatter of pointless dispute, Sakura remained quiet and ignored the buzzing in her ears as the rambling escalated to blind shouting. Glancing at Kakashi provided little indication of the course to take, so she shifted her eyes to the Hokage. Around Tsunade’s table, the four Hyuuga guarding her and Shizune weren’t much help either. With a sigh, Sakura looked at the six other jounin lining the wall of the tent, all so preoccupied with their own ideas about how the new Konoha should be run that they failed to realize how little they contributed to the matters at hand. Reorganizing the leftovers of the village had turned into a battle in itself.

From the corner of her eye, Sakura watched Kakashi. Since the beginning of the meeting, he hadn’t said a word, only stood by her and squeezed her arm to quiet her whenever she wanted to protest a decision. 

"Hyuuga Akira is well equipped to oversee the planning of the districts," one man was saying -- a Hyuuga, of course. "He has overseen the organization of the Branch house since his father's passing, at such a young age, too --"

Out of the six of the other jounin besides Shizune and Kakashi, Sakura only recognized Hyuuga Hiashi. The power paradigm had shifted quite a bit; Sakura used to know well everyone who might be present at such a meeting, but no longer. Of course, so many of the faces that used to populate these meetings were now dead that change was to be expected.

"Tenzou has overseen ANBU longer than Hyuuga Akira has been alive," another man hissed.

"That's not true," Sakura said suddenly. Hyuuga Akira was at least twenty five -- just how old did this man think Yamato was?

Kakashi shifted behind her, putting just enough pressure on her shoulder for Sakura's mind to catch up with her mouth. Heat spreading on her cheeks, she added, "But even so, surely longer than Hyuuga Akira has organized the Branch family, no?"

The man who had called Yamato Tenzou smiled, but Hyuuga Hiashi waved a dismissive hand. "As impressive as that is, that organization is now defunct. Organizing the structure of the Branch family is much more applicable experience, especially in recent times."

A younger Hyuuga, probably a genin or chuunin -- Nobuya, if Sakura’s memory served her well -- fulfilled his duties by preparing his brush to add Hyuuga Akira's name to the list.

"Kakashi," Tsunade said, and though it was just a rasping whisper, it cut through the room. "What do you think?"

Sakura looked at him out of the corner of her eye; Kakashi frowned, contemplating.

"What would you say of this situation?" Tsunade pushed.

"I would say that it reeks of nepotism," Kakashi said flatly. "I would ask if any other clans were asked to recommend their branch family organizers."

Sakura stiffened underneath the suddenly loose hand resting on her shoulder. This was the type of thing he always warned her against, and here he was with his bold words and perpetually bored expression, as if it was nothing.

Tsunade was watching him keenly. "You would, would you?"

Kakashi remained silent and still, meeting the Hokage's gaze.

One of the other Hyuuga frowned. "No other clan's organizers worked on a grand enough scale --"

"Is that so."

Kakashi's feigned question cut the Hyuuga off neatly and no one dared protest. The Hyuuga looked nervously to Hiashi. The man who had argued for Tenzou -- a former ANBU member, no doubt -- looked hopeful.

Hiashi smiled pleasantly. "It is easy to bandy about such words, but why fail to mention your ties to this man, a relative nobody? He is one of your oldest friends, and received his position within ANBU only after you turned it down, is that not right? Nepotism indeed."

Kakashi shrugged, smiling back casually. "Think as you will."

It was this lopsided smile that alarmed Sakura. She took a tiny step back to trod lightly on Kakashi's toe, and his hand slipped down her arm in response, falling at his side.

The ex-ANBU was less composed, bristling. "A nobody? He has the blood of the First running through his veins!"

Hiashi folded his hands neatly on the table. "And how unfortunate for us all that he is no longer able to use the First's jutsu. In fact, is there any jutsu at all that remains to him? Such a waste. Truly."

Inhaling sharply, Sakura geared up to defend her captain, and even Kakashi made no move to stop her, tense behind her despite his slouching posture.

A glare from Tsunade made the words die in Sakura's throat instead.

"I will trust Tenzou with this. He has always served me well," Tsunade said, then turned to Nobuya. "He prefers to go by Yamato now. Do you know how to spell it?"

Hiashi's jaw protruded as if he was clenching his teeth but he said nothing. With the matter decided, the group moved on to decide the next position, and the next, argument once again rampant. Kakashi was quiet again, and Sakura stayed still by his side, the urge to join in completely subsided.

“Silence!” Hyuuga Ko roared above the chaos after a long while.

His command was only a repeat of Tsunade’s, but her voice had grown weak along with her aged body and was much more effective.

“We have too little food left and hunting won’t be enough to sustain such a large group for much longer,” Tsunade said, sitting straight at her table. “Several groups will be sent out to the farms surrounding Konoha to retrieve anything they can, most of all seeds. This is our first priority.”

Nobuya noted the orders down on a pad of paper.

“The other villages will be gathering here if their situation is similar,” Tsunade continued, running tired fingers through her brittle hair. “We need to have a decent camp set up by then. Have the most able-bodied gather wood and cut it. Another team will be sent to Otafuku Gai to retrieve anything deemed useful. Pots, towels, clothes, anything they can carry.”

At the mention of such basics items, which they had been in cruel lack of since their return to Konoha, Sakura’s narrowed eyes lowered to her feet. After the Juubi’s long distance chakra attack few had understood the significance of at the time, they had nothing left. The clothes on her back were beginning to fall apart and there wasn’t even a strip of cloth to replace them. 

Kakashi replacing his hand on her shoulder pulled her out of her thoughts. Looking up at him again, she forced a small smile and nodded. They just had to find more. It would be fine. They just needed a little more time.

“Have four more teams search the woods for any food they can forage.” Weary, Tsunade observed everyone in the room, seeming relieved that no one had another word to say. “That’s it. You’re all dismissed.”

\---

Sakura plopped into her chair, running her palms up her face with a sigh. If it wasn’t her chakra reaching her limits, then it was their supplies. With the army of wounded ninja there was to tend to, it was impossible to treat them properly. Half of them were suffering from malnutrition, which she could do nothing about. 

“You look like you could use some rest.”

With a start, Sakura turned around to see Yamato. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I had any more patients coming for a few minutes.”

“Here,” Yamato said, placing a bowl on the table in front of her.

Sakura couldn’t help but grimace at the sight of more okayu. There were only a few spoonfuls of the rice gruel left, but the sight of it made her throat burn. “You should eat it, Yamato-taichou. You need all your energy to heal.”

“I don’t feel hungry,” Yamato sighed, sitting down on the chair next to hers. “I’m sure you could use it more than I could.”

“How’s your wound? It’s not getting infected, is it?” Sakura asked, pushing the bowl aside.

Yamato twisted on his chair to let her have a better look at his bandaged shoulder. “Shizune asked me to have it looked at again today, but she was too busy to do it herself and sent me to you.”

With a nod, Sakura pulled at his bandages carefully, wincing whenever he did. The amount of blood still soaked into them was worrisome but not alarming. At the gruesome sight of his stump, her stomach churned uncomfortably. It could have been her as much as him. 

“Does it still hurt a lot?” she asked rigidly, moving his shoulder a few times to examine every part of it. The wound had been burned shut from lack of an available medic. “It’s not looking too terrible.”

“It hurts at night mostly, but it’s nothing too bad,” Yamato said, avoiding her eyes. 

Sakura nodded and gathered his bandages and threw them in a bag behind her chair before picking some fresh ones from another bag. Stains of blood remained on them, not having been washed out by boiling alone. Slouched forward and feeling her exhaustion in every muscle of her face, she wrapped his wound again. 

They couldn’t even sterilize anything.

“There’s nothing more I can do for the time being,” Sakura whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Yamato said, flashing her a smile that was certainly meant to be brighter than it actually was.

When he left the tent, Sakura stood up to go inspect the situation outside. It was already past lunch time and no more patients were lining up to see her. Letting her shoulders drop, she stepped back inside to grab the bowl and walked towards the center of their camp, where lunch was being served. 

Since she was so late, the line wasn’t very long. Chouji was serving today, it seemed. 

“Did Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke get their rations already?” she asked, handing him Yamato’s bowl. “Yamato gave me his leftovers, but… I’m sure you’ll be more grateful for it.”

There was a hesitation in Chouji’s arms, but he nonetheless took the bowl from her hands, staring at it for a second. When he looked back up at her, Sakura cracked a smile, trying to ignore the guilt in his eyes. Even he had lost an astounding amount of weight and could now be classified as underweight. As any late waker, he had been heavily affected by his trance, but had had the luck of having plentiful reserves.

“Thank you, Sakura,” he said, setting the bowl aside before serving her a new portion of the okayu. “I haven’t seen either of them. I don’t think they’ve come by yet.”

“Give me six bowls then. I’ll bring it to them before they let themselves starve,” Sakura sighed, shaking her head. 

Without another word, Chouji did as asked. At his side, she could see the dirty look his kitchen partner gave her, probably assuming she was hogging the food. 

“You got a problem with me?” Sakura sneered, crossing her arms on her chest.

“No,” he blurted out, hurrying to busy himself with washing more bowls. 

Chouji handed her the six bowls on a large cutting board. “Here, you can carry it like this. Just bring it back after.”

“Thanks, Chouji,” Sakura said as she grabbed it and left.

Finding Sasuke turned out to be an easy task. He had remained on the outskirts of the camp, where he and Kakashi had set up their personal tents. Kakashi was still lucky enough to have a tent to himself, due to being commander, but Sasuke shared with his two companions. 

As she neared their tents, Sakura couldn’t see them, but she could hear Suigetsu’s voice coming from a little ahead. 

“Why do you want to stay here? It’s just a crater!” 

After being hit by one or even more of the Bijuu’s balls, a crater was really all that was left of Konoha.

“Shut up. We do as I say,” she heard Sasuke counter.

“You always say that,” Suigetsu grumbled. “I don’t get it. I wanna do as I want to. C’mon, Juugo, tell him we’re doing what I want now.”

Curiosity gaining on her, Sakura hid behind a tent and remained within earshot. Juugo didn’t answer.

“Fine!” Suigetsu growled. “So you said that old guy was your sensei. What about that pink cutie pie? She your old flame or something?

“No,” Sasuke sighed, sounding annoyed. “We were Kakashi’s students, both of us.”

“Three of you, you mean,” Suigetsu corrected, ever so delicate.

Sasuke paused. “Yes, the three of us.”

“So what? We’re staying because of them?” Suigetsu asked.

“We’re staying because I said we were. Stop asking questions,” Sasuke said, reminding Sakura of when he became angry with her back when they were genin.

“Hey, if I’m gonna follow you around everywhere, I gotta know why!” Before he could continue, Sasuke punched him, from the sound of it. “Fuck, man! That hurt!”

“We’ve got company,” Juugo cut in.

Realizing he was talking about her, Sakura walked towards them, acting as if she hadn’t been eavesdropping. “I brought you lunch. You haven’t eaten yet, right?”

Suigetsu leaned towards her, grinning. “Wouldn’t mind having you for lunch!”

Immediately, Sasuke glared at him and punched his shoulder, confirming she had been right about the sound. “No.”

Suigetsu rubbed his shoulder, which was already starting to bruise considerably, and didn’t look at her again.

“Are Kakashi-sensei and Sai close by? I thought we could all eat together,” Sakura suggested, looking down at the tray she held.

“I’ll go get them,” Juugo said quietly before he stood up and walked away.

Sasuke simply gestured at the free space on the ground besides him. Without a word, Sakura sat by him and placed the tray between Suigetsu and Sasuke. 

\--

By the time dinner rolled around, Sakura was dragging her feet through the camp. Anything would be good enough to fill her stomach this time. Even okayu. Several feet ahead of her, Sakura spotted Kakashi’s wild silver hair, his head hovering above a set of cards as he played solitaire. Not moving an inch, his eye raised to meet hers, lingering for a few seconds. Without breaking their contact, Sakura walked towards him.

“Playing cards by yourself this time, Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura joked, a hint of playfulness in her eyes that Kakashi’s own matched.

In his hand, he was flipping the three of diamonds. The grin that spread on her lips was without a doubt painfully obvious to her favorite companion.

“Could always use a second player,” Kakashi suggested, resting his cheek in his palm.

“It has been a while since we’ve played cards, hasn’t it?” Without any resistance, he let her take the card from between his fingers. Eyeing it, she flipped it the same way he had. “I like these cards. They’re pretty,” she said, observing the intricate designs on the back. 

“You should come tonight, once you’re done treating your patients.” 

\---

Once the night had fallen, Sakura left the tent she shared with Shizune and Tenten. The amount of activity still taking place around the camp surprised her somewhat, though it was good to hear the voices of everyone singing the songs of home. They were at home, regardless of its barren state, and the Will of Fire still burned strong within everyone. That one display of the strength of her people lifted her spirits considerably, and she slowed her pace to enjoy its music as she headed towards Kakashi’s tent. 

They were home. Her, Kakashi, Sasuke… People she cared for, for whose lives she couldn’t be ungrateful. 

When her fingers tugged at the zipper that held Kakashi’s tent closed, Sakura glanced up, feeling Sasuke’s unfamiliar yet so recognizable gaze on her. He was holding open the entrance of his own tent, watching her with his natural poise. 

“Good night, Sakura,” he said, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“Good night, Sasuke-kun,” she replied before slipping in Kakashi’s tent.

Inside, Kakashi was sitting on his sleeping bag, the same deck of cards on the ground in front of him.

“So you’re still up to play,” Kakashi joked, smiling under his mask.

“Couldn’t leave you a card short, could I?” Sakura chuckled while she sat down across of him.

The dim light the flame in his lamp offered was barely enough to see the cards properly.

The way Kakashi’s eyes watched her, almost challenging her with the beckoning glimmer of it, was more than enough to make her heart skip a beat, though she remained composed. 

“What game are we playing?” he asked, grabbing the deck of cards and shuffling it.

“You’re missing a card,” Sakura reminded him, retrieving the card from her pocket.

“How much will it cost me this time?” 

There was an edge to his voice that made Sakura smile and drop the last of her pretense. 

“Straightforward, aren’t you?” she teased, flashing him a coy smirk.

“I’m sure you expected no different when you set foot in my tent again.”

Kakashi extended his hand to her. With a shy smile, Sakura took it and let him lead her closer to him until she stood on her knees at his feet.

“A three of diamonds your mask,” she demanded, toying with the card.

Without a word, Kakashi lowered his mask, watching her with a hint of amusement.

When his hand reached for the card, Sakura jerked her own hand back, shaking her head. “Not so quick.”

“What now?” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin near her collarbone. 

“A three of diamonds for your mask,” she repeated, feeling her cheeks flush with mild embarrassment, “and your sweater.”

“You going to leave with my shoes too?” Kakashi teased, nonetheless removing his oversized shirt. “That’s a drastic increase in price.”

Sakura bit the inside of her cheek, swallowing the small amount of anxiety that rose in her chest. “A three of diamonds for your mask, your sweater, and your shirt.”

“That’s pushing your luck, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi growled, resuming his hold on her waist with additional strength.

“Take it or leave it,” Sakura said, dropping none of her bravado.

Kakashi sighed and removed his shirt, taking his sweet time to do so. “A three of diamonds for my mask, my sweater, and my shirt. What more now?” he asked, eyes locking with hers.

Even if his tone played annoyed, Sakura knew he wouldn’t resist.

“And a kiss,” she whispered.

Carefully, she placed her knees on the sides of his hips and rested her arms on his shoulders for support. Still watching him intently, she lowered her lips to his, only brushing against them. Kakashi’s eyes didn’t look away from hers, though they lost some of their focus. Satisfied, Sakura let her eyes slide closed and kissed him. 

Kakashi’s lips responded gently, remaining still for as long as hers did. With a hint of hesitation, her tongue darted out to trace his lower lip. Offering her a small smirk, he parted his lips to allow her to brush her tongue against his as he had taught her. 

The tightening of his fingers on her hips and the brief tension in his shoulders were more than enough to make Sakura grin in vain pride.

When she broke the kiss, Kakashi watched her intently, a hint of impatience in his features. Not wishing to disappoint, Sakura undid her jacket and let it slide off her shoulders. “I guess I should play fair.”

The way his fingers toyed with the waistband of her pants, Sakura could tell he was holding back. Biting her lip, she took his hands and slid them under her sweater, encouraging him to remove the garment himself, which he did with astounding compliance. Her mesh shirt, tank top, and bindings had remained back in her tent.

“I see you planned this,” Kakashi said, running his hands up her sides. “Is this as far as you’d thought things through?”

“Give me some credit,” Sakura scoffed before she shoved him on his back.

Now on his back, the same look of challenge flashed in his newly matching eyes. Sakura gritted her teeth. While she had an idea of what she wanted to happen, the details hadn’t been worked out. Deciding her pants had to go, she removed them with laughable grace as she tried to remain on top of him without toppling over. Thankfully, he kept a straight face through her struggle, only the hint of a smile appearing on his cheeks.

Watching him carefully, she sat down in his lap, resting her fingers on the waistband of his pants. It was hard to miss the bulge in them. Again, she could feel her cheeks burn but she was quick to swallow her shyness. 

Quietly, she undid the knot and loosened the cord before pushing his pants down, leaving him with the task of kicking them off. His boxers were the same shade as his pants -- and most of his clothes, really. Holding back a sigh, she pulled his shaft out of them, resisting the urge to look away as she did. 

As soon as her fingers wrapped around him, Sakura could feel his thighs tense under her own and see the same happening in his abdomen. A glance up at Kakashi’s eyes let her know he was watching her like a hawk, maybe even with the same kind of hunger, if she dared to say so. Inhaling deeply, Sakura scooted lower on his legs and leaned forward, not giving herself the time to doubt before she wrapped her lips around his erection.

With her eyes closed, Sakura bobbed her head up and down a few times. Internally, she sighed in relief when her tongue detected no particularly strong tastes, only the mild saltiness of sweat.

“Teeth,” Kakashi grunted, cupping the sides of her head with his palm.

Wincing, Sakura made sure to curl her lips over her teeth a little more, pushing back the embarrassment of having made such a rookie mistake. Nonetheless, it wasn’t long after she resumed her movements before she heard Kakashi’s breathing pick up, felt his fingers dig into her scalp.

When his hips jerked to follow her movements, Sakura pulled back, sitting on his thighs again. Another peek at Kakashi’s face let her know he wasn’t going to move until she did, though he certainly didn’t want to be kept waiting too long. 

Showing only a hint of hesitation, she reached for his hands, tugging until he sat up. 

“Not bad for a beginner, huh?” Sakura chuckled, trying to soothe her nerves a little before she continued.

“Not bad,” Kakashi mimicked, a lopsided grin on his face as he pressed kisses to her chest.

While he teased one of her nipples, Sakura aligned his shaft with her entrance and inched herself down carefully, shifting her hips from side to side whenever she met resistance.

Against her breast, she could feel Kakashi inhale sharply and his arms hugged her torso tighter, encouraging her to keep going.

Finally, Sakura was sitting on the top of his thighs, feeling him inside of her, stretching her walls a little uncomfortably. In response to her stillness, Kakashi resumed his attention to her nipples, nipping at them while one of his thumbs pressed against her clit.

Feeling the same warmth as last time spread in her abdomen, Sakura stayed still a little longer, letting him play with her, until her own breathing was heavier and something in her demanded that her hips move more.

When Sakura did raise her hips, Kakashi groaned, parting his lips. Both the sight and the sound of it sparked her arousal and she bit her lip, deciding to watch him while she started grinding her hips against his. Even though his grip on her was almost suffocating, he relinquished any control over their tempo.

After a few thrusts, Sakura whimpered, feeling the tension around her clit tighten, and leaned her arms on his shoulders again to help accelerate her rhythm. Kakashi expelled a long breath as he let his head roll back a little, only enough to be able to watch her own features be contorted by pleasure.

It wasn’t long before Sakura felt small pulses of pleasure in her nether regions, making her thighs quiver and her voice shaky as moaned. Distantly, she registered Kakashi’s voice groaning with hers, his hands moving down to grasp her hips and help her keep a steady rhythm. Then, his voice was strained and he grunted while she felt him twitch inside of her a few times. It wasn’t until he had softened inside of her that Sakura registered what had just happened. 

With a bright blush, Sakura stilled her movements to look at her partner again. His own cheeks were flushed and he was still breathing heavily. Slowly, he took her in his embrace and kept her against him as he lied down on his back. One of his hands smoothed up and down her back, raising goosebumps on her skin.

Before Sakura closed her eyes, she smiled as she spotted the nine of hearts near Kakashi’s head. It seemed that they had spread the cards on the ground in their carelessness.

Even while listening to his slowing heartbeat and steadying breath, fatigue eluded her. Quite the opposite -- her eyes remained wide opened and devoid of any heaviness. Without a doubt, the night to come would be sleepless, instead filled with Kakashi’s presence and their mutual nightmares.   
\--

Sakura smiled as the first rays of the sun poked through the night sky, coloring the edge of it with a mild purple. With Kakashi’s arm wrapped around her, keeping her close where they sat together, the chill of dawn lacked its usual bite. Leaning against his chest, she could feel him move, indicating he was taking another sip from his can of chuhai. Despite hating the taste of it, Sakura imitated him, letting the bitter taste of it linger on her tongue.

Watching the sunrise, Sakura sang quietly. “Thousands of enemies may come, but we will stand.”

Without a doubt recognizing the song, Kakashi tightened his arm around her and drank again.

“Where there is a strong will, there is a way,” she continued, lowering her eyes to what was left of Konoha. To nothing. Ignoring the nausea that constricted her throat, she kept singing. “With the Will of Fire, what do we fear at all? Nothing in the world shall threaten us.”

Kakashi propped his chin on the top of her head. His hand rubbed her arm gently, but she could feel him trembling. “Go on until the very end. Instead of surviving shamefully, fall admirably, brave and strong.”

Sakura swallowed and leaned further into Kakashi, gripping his sweater with a shaking hand. 

“Never fear, never despair.”

The sun was just rising above the trees in the distance, already a bright orange. 

“For the Will of Fire will burn brighter thanks to you.”

\---

Being so close to Sasuke, alone in a tent, was somewhat unnerving, but none of the discomfort showed on Sakura’s face while she examined his eyes. Her hands glowed green on his temples as she used her chakra to understand what was happening inside of his eyes. 

“They bled a lot,” Sakura whispered, thinking over the report Tsunade had given her. “It doesn’t look as bad now. You should see a slight improvement in your vision soon. The red spots you’ve been seeing will go away gradually.”

“Tsunade said my vision wouldn’t improve over time,” Sasuke said, looking straight into her eyes as she had instructed. Just like her, he showed no sign of uneasiness if he felt any. 

“Well, the damage done to the cornea, nerves and…” Sakura sighed, deciding to drop the medic front. “Your eyes have a lot of damage, not only the blood that accumulated behind them. While the blood will go away, the damaged tissues can’t recover. There’s nothing we can do about it either.”

“I see,” he said, eyes lowering slightly.

“How much has it gone down?” she asked, tugging at one of his eyelids to take a look under, wincing when the she saw the redness spread much deeper. 

Sasuke seemed to hesitate to answer. Quietly, he took her wrists in his hands and pulled them away from his head. “It’s cloudy. I can’t throw a kunai with precision more than twenty-five feet away. Fifty and I’ll miss a quarter of the time.”

Sakura swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and bit her lip. On her wrists, she could feel his hold tighten slightly. “I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I just…” Sakura sighed and looked up at him, though before she could continue her sentence, Kakashi entered the tent.

Her eyes locked with Kakashi’s for a second before he spoke; Sasuke let go of her hands. “We’re leaving for the farm a day away towards the east at dawn tomorrow. Your team, Sakura, myself, Sai and Yamato.”

“Yamato isn’t in a good enough condition to travel just yet,” Sakura protested.

“Hokage’s orders. We need his plant knowledge,” Kakashi answered strictly.

Sakura sighed and stared at her hands, fidgeting on her knees. He was right, and there was no arguing about it.

“I’ll inform my team then,” Sasuke said and stood up. 

Before he stepped outside the tent, Kakashi’s gaze met his and held it, almost aggressive. 

“Don’t wear yourself out today,” Kakashi said to Sakura as he turned around, pulling the tent open. 

For a moment, he stayed still, watching her. Sakura did just the same, her lips a thin line on her pale face. 

“Everything will be fine, Sakura,” he reassured, offering her a smile.

Sakura returned it, although lopsided. “I know, Kakashi-sensei.”  
\---

“Everything looks good, I’ll inform Tsunade-shishou that you’re able to work now,” Sakura said calmly, inspecting a wound that used to be infected.

“I’m happy to hear that,” her patient said before pulling his shirt down.

“So am I, Kato-san. You can be on your way,” she replied, a small smile spreading on her lips. At least, a few patients were faring well.

With a nod, Kato stood and left the tent.

Sakura sighed loudly, leaning back in her chair. Exhausted, she ran her fingers through her tangled up hair, wincing from the pain. There was only one patient left before her shift was up, she reminded herself. She could rest soon.

“Haruno-san?” she heard a man call behind her.

“Come in. I was just stretching a little,” Sakura let out, stretching her arms and legs out, satisfied with every pop her joints made.

“You’re working yourself into the ground,” he said, now close enough for her to recognize Hyuuga Ko.

“I’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep.” Sakura offered him a smile as she gestured for him to sit down. “What seems to be the problem?”

Her eyes looked him up and down, finding no obvious external injuries. 

Hyuuga had been few and far between to enter the medics’ tents. Having been able to break out of the jutsu immediately after it had been been dispelled, they hadn’t suffered the same deterioration that the others had by staying cocooned too long. Silently, Sakura thanked whatever force allowed her and Kakashi to wake just as fast.

“It’s really nothing much,” Ko said, scratching the back of his head. “I think I sprained my ankle, but I was told to have it checked out to make sure it isn’t a break.”

“Oh, that should be no big deal,” Sakura replied, relieved. 

Mechanically, she held her hands out for Ko to place his ankle in, which he did obediently. Sakura prodded the sides of his ankle and twisted it from side to side carefully. “Does this hurt?”

“No,” Ko answered, though she could see he was tensing up.

“How has it been, working under Tsunade-shishou for a change?” Sakura asked while she inspected his ankle closer, finding a nasty bruise on the hind side of it.

“She’s a very demanding woman,” he replied politely, a little too even.

“Yes, she is,” Sakura laughed and pressed the tip of thumb above the bruise. “How about this?”

Ko yelped and tried to pull his leg back, but she held it firmly.

“I see,” Sakura sighed. “It is a break. Just how long have you been walking on it now?”

Obviously uncomfortable, Ko fidgeting with the edge of the chair, avoiding her gaze. “A little while.”

“Since the battle,” she chuckled, hands glowing. “Fixing it is no big deal. Just go easy on it a couple weeks now.”

“The medics were busy enough as it was…” 

“And letting an injury fester is what makes our job harder,” Sakura chastised as she placed his foot back on the ground. “You Hyuuga are almost the only ones who haven’t been considerably weakened. Try and stay healthy in case we need you.”

“Y-Yes, Haruno-san.” Ko nodded lowering his head.

“Off with you now,” Sakura said as she stood up, pulling the elastic that kept her hair together. “I’ve got another bowl of okayu waiting for me.”

\---

Sakura sighed as she stared into the fire that burned in front of her, chewing the last of her meal. By now, they should have reached the farm already, but, as she had predicted, Yamato’s condition had slowed them down considerably. In front of her, Yamato was clutching his shoulder, obviously in quite a lot of pain.

The other group they were traveling with had settled down a little distance away, in another clearing that could hold all of them.

“I knew this wasn’t a good idea,” Sakura grumbled, hugging herself for warmth.

Spring was on its way, but it sure was taking its sweet time.

“It’s okay, Sakura-chan,” Yamato tried to reassure, but his voice was strained. “You needed me here. I’ll be fine.”

“We should get to sleep,” Kakashi said dryly.

Without another word, everyone did as he asked. Due to the cold, everyone was sharing a sleeping bag. 

“Cutie pie,” Suigetsu called. “You sleeping with the old man again?”

With a sigh, Sakura nodded. “Yes.”

To make her point clear, Sakura slipped in Kakashi’s sleeping bag, where he was already waiting for her. Seeing Juugo and Sasuke lie down in their own made her smile. It was hard not to want to laugh when you saw Sasuke snuggle up with another man, who seemed just as unwilling. Just a little farther, she could see Sai and Yamato do the same, though they looked much more comfortable.

“You should share with me,” Suigetsu complained. “I’m cold here all alone.”

“No, thank you,” Sakura scoffed.

All day, he had been grinding on everyone’s nerves, and Sakura could feel the last of her control slipping.

Kakashi zipped their sleeping bag closed and lie down behind her, wrapping an arm around her at the same time. Immediately, Sakura felt her body relax a little as Kakashi’s warmth spread to her. 

“C’mon, I’m freezing by myself,” Suigetsu whined. “I gotta be better than some old dude with white hair.”

“She’s already with the old dude with white hair,” Kakashi said, finally expressing a tiny part of the annoyance he felt at his comrade. Sakura bit back a laugh and held Kakashi’s hand, surprised to find how cold his fingers were. “If she wanted to be in yours, she wouldn’t be in my bed.”

“It ain’t fair that I have to sleep alone again!” Suigetsu shouted, slamming his fist in the grass. “I want the pretty girl!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sasuke growled, throwing a pebble at his head. “And you have white hair too.”

“It’s blue! Stop sucking up to that weirdo!” Suigetsu screamed, rubbing his injured cheek. “You’re supposed to be my friend!”

“You’re keeping everyone awake and getting on our nerves,” Yamato cut in, at the end of his patience. “Maybe if you weren’t such a pain, you’d have someone to keep you warm too.”

“Assholes,” Suigetsu grumbled, snuggling up in his sleeping bag the best he could.

\---

By all means, Sakura had wanted to be happy when they finally reached the farm. The vast majority of the planted crops were ripe and ready for harvest, with very few of them having starting to deteriorate and get invaded by pests: cabbage, leek, parsnips, and onions. Back in the shack, they had even found several large bags of rice, dry mushrooms, beans, and even a variety of noodles. Even if the farm wasn’t so large, the quantity of food was impressive.

Overall, it would have been heaven on Earth -- if it wasn’t for the twelve corpses they had found, all cocooned, rotting in the odd material that had trapped them to their last breath. Any cattle they had been raising had since long fled, most likely in search of food and water.

While everyone gathered everything they could load into their carts, Sakura had wandered inside the house to look for anything they could use. In a bedroom -- a woman’s bedroom -- she had found a drawer full of clothes that were near her size. 

Rummaging through the garments, Sakura sighed. Much like her mother’s wardrobe, these clothes seemed bland and not so flattering. Ladylike, her mother would say, modest and reserved. 

Like many others, her mother and father had passed away on the battlefield, but Sakura refused to dwell on it.

Sighing, she held up a bland white shirt, staring at it with weary eyes.

From behind her, Kakashi placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. “You won’t have to be naked for the rest of spring. I’m sure Suigetsu will be devastated by the news,” he tried to joke.

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat and folded the shirt. “It’s a dead woman’s shirt.”

“It’s all we have,” Kakashi said, voice stiff with the underlying despair that suffocated them all.

“I know. I’m sorry,” Sakura let out quickly, feeling guilty for being so ungrateful. “Let’s go back outside.”

Looking at the field and the two full carts of supplies they were bringing back, Sakura was able to smile genuinely. Yamato had found plenty that they could plant. With some luck, they wouldn’t be starving by the end of the month. Above all, she was relieved that they would be having tastier food than okayu. Anything was better than okayu.

“Sakura.”

Sakura glanced over her shoulder to see Sasuke approaching. “Sasuke-kun.”

“Eat this,” Sasuke said, handing her a handful of dried deer meat. “You haven’t eaten enough for lunch.”

“Keep it, Sasuke-kun.” Sakura shook her head. “I’m fine.”

“You aren’t fine,” he replied, watching her with the same annoyance as he had years ago. “You need to eat more.”

“He’s right, Sakura,” Kakashi chimed in. “You’ve lost more weight than any of us it seems.”

“Fine,” Sakura grumbled, snatching the meat from Sasuke’s hand only to stuff it into her pocket. “I’ll eat it on the way home.”

“Eat it now,” Sasuke growled, crossing his arms over his chest. “You won’t keep it if you don’t.”

“Cut me some slack!” Sakura snapped, balling her fists at her sides. “What does it matter to you what I do with my food?”

“Stop being such an idiot over this.” Sasuke ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. Quietly, he looked back up at her, staring straight into her eyes. “We need you to be in good shape.”

Sakura’s jaw clenched with the effort it took to hold back her argument. Instead, she fished in her pocket to take the meat out. “I’m sorry for worrying you, Sasuke-kun.”

“Kakashi-san!” 

Immediately, their heads whipped around to look in Hyuuga Akira’s direction. He stood barely twenty feet away from them and they could clearly see his Byakugan was activated.

“I see civilians up ahead! Two kilometers east!” 

“We can’t keep burying every corpse we see, Akira,” Kakashi sighed, shoulders dropping further. 

Sakura’s eyes rose to meet Kakashi’s and she forced a smile, wishing she could say something, do something, for him. 

“They’re alive.”


	4. Chapter 4

The haze was heaviest in the hour before dawn, slipping cold and wet fingers up through the loose endings of Kakashi’s pants, his customary leg bindings long ago re-appropriated as medical bandages. His worn shinobi sandals gave tiny, squelching squeaks every time they parted the dew-laden grass, tall and healthy as it was.

The flora may be flourishing, but the further they pushed into Water Country, the more infrequent fauna sightings became. Now, the unnatural silence pressed on Kakashi almost as much as the oppressive fog, but he concentrated on the sounds of Water Country’s myriad bug species to distract him. Bugs were the only survivors they’d seen in almost a week. With each passing day, the thrill of seeing those first few faces – plump and dirty and unscarred from battle and exhausted and alive – wore off just a little.

But the civilians that the Hyuuga had spotted had sworn they left a relatively healthy village behind, deep in the bowels of their native Water Country. They’d only realized something was wrong when shipments stopped coming in from the closest village they traded with, some thirty miles away, and when their own regular convoy had returned with bewildered news of mummies. They’d sent two groups out after that to seek help – one to Konoha, and one to Mist. The party sent to Konoha had eventually been intercepted by Kakashi and his comrades.

Yamato, Hyuuga Akira, and the rest had returned to Konoha with both the miraculous civilians and the much-needed supplies, and Kakashi had taken Sai, Sakura, Sasuke, and Sasuke’s team to investigate the prospect of normal people who had not only managed to survive the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but had apparently been bypassed by it entirely.

As the sun began to burn away the worst of the fog, their destination became clearer. The ruts in the road were now deeper, more varied, though they actually traveled beside the road to avoid the mud.

“Not another one,” whined Suigetsu, kicking a stone. “Can’t we just note the number of farmhouses between here and the place and be done with it?”

“We must catalogue the available resources for Konoha,” Sai said listlessly, though he looked no more cheered by the prospect than Suigetsu. “Other teams will know which locations to prioritize in their retrieval missions.”

“But we’re not even writing it down or anything,” Suigetsu muttered. “It’s stupid...”

Kakashi needed no ink or paper – both resources which should be preserved for more important uses – to recall the inventories of the other farmhouses, but he doubted even he remembered it all in the precise detail Sakura had. Kakashi wasted no breath explaining this to Suigetsu. Sai understood, and simply called out how many pounds of rice or flour were in the stores while Kakashi and Sakura took stock of everything else.

Sasuke either understood or didn’t care, but he stopped standing around looking bored long enough to do anything asked of him, at least, with Juugo and Suigetsu trotting along after him.

The closer they drew to the cozy-looking cabin, the more the silence stuck to Kakashi's ribs like he'd swallowed sticky tar. The lack of life noises, the quiet windows, the slightly ajar door -- it spoke of what they would find inside more efficiently than any words possibly could.

They all paused at the entrance, Kakashi interrupting the routine of going first.

Juugo, skulking near the back, spoke as he rarely did.

"Do we ... Do we have to open them this time? The cocoons?"

"It's impossible for anyone cocooned to have survived at this point," Sakura said, but turned baleful green eyes to Kakashi for confirmation.

Kakashi nodded. Sai uncrossed his arms, tension easing in his shoulders.

"Good," Suigetsu said brusquely, though he made no move to enter the house either. "It smells like shit when we cut them open."

Sasuke made a noise of annoyance in the back of his throat and threw the door open, striding inside with purpose. With the threshold crossed, they all followed and fell into their usual roles. The cocoons -- one of them frighteningly small -- remained unmolested, gathered around the kitchen table in front of a rotted meal sprouting black mold.

Even the smell of the mold and curdled milk from the pantry couldn't cover the pungent, putrid sweetness the cocoons merely suppressed. The smell used to make Kakashi's mouth water with sourness, but it hardly rolled his stomach anymore, so ubiquitous it had become.

"This place has been ransacked," Sai said unnecessarily, banging through empty cupboards.

Suigetsu snorted, looking around for himself. "No shit."

"It's more surprising this is the first time we've seen something like this," Sakura said.

"Especially in the Water Country," Suigetsu said in an unusually serious tone, poking his head inside what was probably the only bedroom. "The people here can be vultures --"

Suigetsu cut off abruptly and turned away. Kakashi stepped forward to look over his shoulder and spotted the thing they were all most tired of seeing: a crib. Sakura pushed past them both a little too roughly, her mouth in a grim line.

"Why do you always have to look?" Suigetsu's voice was gruff enough that it seemed to surprise even himself and he immediately fixed the customary leer back onto his face. "I've always liked masochistic girls."

Normally, Sakura might have snapped at him for that remark, but she just patted him lightly on the arm as she passed. It only made Suigetsu scowl. Kakashi might have been surprised to see a weakness so close to the surface in a man whose greatest hobby, according to all reports, was murdering and dismembering his victims -- but then again, Kakashi didn't know anyone totally unaffected by dead babies.

Kakashi moved past Suigetsu to where Sakura was staring into the crib. Inside was what was once an infant, bearing no trace of a cocoon. Its corpse carried all the hallmarks of a harsh death via slow starvation: swollen head, distended abdomen, protruding ribs, arms so thin they seemed to be attached with rope. The little boy's eyes were closed but his mouth was open. A single maggot crawled out, and Kakashi could no longer bear it. He twitched a soft yellow blanket up to cover the body.

"It's so cruel," Sakura whispered. "I wish they... Then they could have at least died happy."

"If they could have understood such a thing, they would have. And little Asuma -- would you rather he die happy?"

Sakura met his steady gaze. He knew she was thinking of Kurenai and her baby boy, far out in the forest looking after the Nara estate while they were all at war -- far enough to avoid destruction, adept enough at genjutsu to break out quickly, fortunate enough that her child was still too young to be able to imagine a better world. Alive, and with the only known child survivor in the whole village. Lucky couldn't begin to describe it.

Sakura gave Kakashi a smile that came out more like a grimace, but a smile nonetheless. "You're right. Do we have anything else to do here?"

Kakashi stepped out of the room and made a hand signal. "Let's move out."

\---

The approach to their destination was shrouded in a fog so opaque it made the rest of the trip’s skies seem clear. So thick was it that the smell was what Kakashi noticed first -- death, but not stale as he had become accustomed to. It was sharp and tangy and harsh, with a hint of faded fear. Kakashi could not see in front of him, but when his foot trod on a limp hand, it did not surprise him.

Suigetsu kicked the body over to look at its face, gaze lingering over the man's bulbous nose and blued, swollen face. "Jozu clan. Killed by the Hakken clan, it looks like. No surprise there -- they've been offing each other since the dawn of time."

Juugo leaned down and closed the man’s eyes. “But wasn’t there an alliance…?”

Suigetsu snorted. “How long did you think that would last in Mist? I don’t know what that bitch Terumi Mei did to get them to call off the civil wars for a while, but my guess is all bets were off once she turned up dead.”

“How stupid,” Sakura said softly, frowning, “to fight each other at a time like this.”

“Yeah, they’re real bright.” Suigetsu moved forward until he found another body, this one missing an arm, and sneered at it.

Kakashi swept ahead and they followed, eyes darting around as they assessed any remaining threat. There were only ninja corpses, all apparently Mist and recently dead. They began to pass buildings with signs of recent life but seemingly abandoned.

Sasuke flipped another corpse that lay against the door of a farmhouse. “This is no ninja.”

“Why would they kill civilians?” Sai said, looking to Kakashi.

Kakashi didn’t answer, still moving forward until they reached the town proper. No doubt this was their destination. It was hardly the thriving village they’d been expecting. The houses looked lived in, true, but as they went through them one by one, they found no one. Still, there were no cocoons.

A chirping sound broke the silence and Juugo looked up and smiled, lifting his hand. A bird perched on it, the same bird that had come across by chance earlier, and Juugo whispered to it.

“He found a survivor.”

The bird flew off and they raced to follow it, breaking into a locked house with almost no pause. Waiting for them was a stooped man with wild grey hair brandishing a kitchen knife with shaking hands.

“Stay back,” he croaked, his Water accent thick. “We are of no use to you.”

“We mean you no harm,” Kakashi said, raising his hands in supplication. “We came to help.”

“We need no help from you, or the Jozu, or the Hakken.” The man tightened grizzled fingers on the dulled blade.

“We?” Sakura said, looking around curiously, unconcerned with the man’s weapon.

Her question was answered when the bundle of blankets on the bed began to move and a cry rose from it -- a healthy, angry cry. Sakura inhaled sharply and rushed forward, simply batting the man aside when he tried to rush her, disarming him easily. Suigetsu moved to restrain the man loosely, but Sakura ignored that and unwrapped the blankets reverently.

“Oh, Kakashi…” Her voice hitched.

Sai slowly lowered his weapons. “Is that -- is that a baby?”

Suigetsu stopped picking his teeth with a senbon long enough to roll his eyes. “No, dipshit, it’s your fairy godmother.”

Juugo moved forward to stare at the bundle, face awestruck. “It’s alive?”

Sakura picked the baby up, hesitantly, unsure, and it grabbed at a lock of her hanging hair and yanked, then turned into her breast and finally quit wailing. When she realized it was trying to suckle, she swiftly dumped it into Kakashi’s arms. He smirked at her and she flushed.

“Is it yours?” Sakura said, turning towards the prisoner to cover up her embarrassment.

Their prisoner stopped struggling, letting his arms fall to his sides slowly as he looked at each of them in turn, clearly dubious.

“Come on, toots,” Suigetsu said, letting the man go, apparently bored. “I thought you were supposed to be smart. This dude’s old.”

“No,” the man said simply, looking uncomfortable, but no longer trying to attack them. “She’s Daiki and Chinatsu’s child.”

“And where are they?” Kakashi asked, looking into the baby’s unhappy face. He feared he already knew the answer.

“Dead,” the man said flatly. “They tried to fight. Foolish, I told them. Foolish.”

Sakura met Kakashi’s gaze, already on the same page as him. “And was it a clan dispute?”

“It ended up that way,” the man said, running his fingers through his sparse outcropping of hair. “How the Hakken got wind of the Jozu’s plans, I don’t know, but it can’t be a coincidence, can it, that we send out people to Mist and Konoha and then…”

The sentence hung unfinished in the air. Suigetsu spat on the ground, his face hard.

“What’s your name?” Sakura said gently.

“Isamu, but why even bother asking?” he said, drawing himself up to his full height. “I’m a boat builder -- that’s what you’re really interested in, isn’t it? You’re from Konoha, it’s clear as the mists parting, and I’m what you’ve come for. How terribly disappointed you must be, to travel all this way for an old man and a baby.”

“We are from Konoha,” Kakashi said, “but we’ve come to help. We can take you back to Konoha to join your brothers who sought our assistance --”

Isamu eyed Kakashi keenly. “You can, can you? Why bother with the pretence? We both know I don’t have a choice in the matter -- do I?”

“No,” Kakashi said heavily. “Not really.”

The baby began to squall once more.

\---

The journey home was considerably slower. Isamu was hale for his age, but the baby was cantankerous. They were all short on sleep and shorter on patience. 

"Sari," Isamu cooed. "Sari, don't you want to eat the lovely sweet potatoes for Uncle Isamu?"

She threw the mashed sweet potato at him, pelting him in the face. He swore and lumbered off to wash himself in a nearby stream. Sakura took over trying to coax the baby to eat, but it was no use. Up until now, roasting sweet potatoes in the flame had worked -- for it was basically the only baby-friendly food that they had found in a rare unmolested cold storage -- but all of a sudden, little Sari was gravely offended by the sight of the orange mash.

"Why didn't we steal a cow or something?" Suigetsu muttered darkly, glaring at the child as if he'd like to physically shut it up. "Maybe if we had milk like we were supposed to, I could get some fucking sleep."

Sakura was working to keep the frustration off her face as the baby kept pushing the food away. The sight of it made Kakashi smile.

Sakura was less amused. "Babies can't drink cow's milk, you idiot."

"No need to snap, Miss Priss."

Isamu came loping back, clearly relieved to see his duties assumed. "Did you see any cows? The Jozu took the livestock, and the Hakken took the people. How that makes sense, don't ask me, but there you have it."

"The Hakken clan were the victors and the people are the more valuable resource," Sai said to Isamu as if he were explaining it to Sari instead. "The livestock was likely a concession to prevent further fighting."

"Shut up, Sai. That is so rude." Sakura threw a little handful of spit-up mashed sweet potato at him, which he dodged handily.

Sai smiled broadly at Isamu. "Please excuse any rudeness on my part. I have been told that I am socially retarded."

Suigetsu let loose a cackle. "You don't say."

"You're one to talk," Sakura hissed at Suigetsu, then frowned softly at Sai. "You don't have to say it like that, you know. It's not your fault."

With a shrug, Sai took a bite of his own roasted potato. "Regardless of fault, I make civilians uncomfortable."

"You'll get used to it," Sakura assured, sighing in relief as Sari finally accepted another bite of mash. "You haven't even met that many civilians before."

"He's not likely to meet many more now," Sasuke said, face sour as he poked the campfire.

No one spoke again after that, the mood dampened. They finished their meals and cleaned up, preparing for bed.

The baby was crying, as usual, but it didn't take long for the camp to fall into its sleep routines. The noise didn't bother most of them, having slept in worse conditions, and despite his protests, Suigetsu fell asleep quickly, the soft snores speaking of how safe he felt. Sai, relegated to Suigetsu's sleeping partner in the absence of Yamato, wasn't far behind. They had the last watch shift and rose the earliest.

Sakura had her back to Kakashi's chest, staring into the flames, unspeaking. Sasuke and Juugo were as quiet as ever, so it left Kakashi to contemplate the lines of her shoulders with his fingers, wondering. She was tense, and didn't respond to his touch under the sleeping bag. Her mood had been dour lately, and while the cause was obvious, it worried him. She had always made a point to put on a cheerful face before.

Finally, Isamu broke the silence. "So what do they plan to do with me? I can't imagine there's too many boats to build in Konoha. And even my village considers me an old man, living on their hospitality."

"That is not up to us to decide," Sasuke said, monotone as ever. "You will be fed, protected, and eventually, housed. What are your other options?"

Isamu frowned, fussing uneasily with the baby.

"Civilian knowledge is irreplaceable," Juugo said, trying to comfort the man by repeating something he had heard.

"I told the Hakken I was blind," Isamu said after awhile. "Blind, and old -- another mouth to feed. And then Sari woke. I was worried -- but they were even more convinced. Useless, they said, and left."

Sakura grew rigid beside Kakashi. "Better for you that they did, then."

"Perhaps," Isamu said, hushing Sari.

And then, as jumpy as usual around any sort of tension, Juugo began to ask Sasuke what life in Konoha had been like before. Sakura eyed Sasuke suspiciously, but he gave only rote answers, truths about the Academy and such and nothing to raise the eyebrows of listening civilian ears.

Kakashi paid it no mind, rubbing Sakura's shoulder to relax her. When it started to have an effect, he spread his hand lower, over her waist, ruffling her thin civilian blouse. As he passed his fingers over her stomach muscles, he felt them clench. A smirk twisted his lips as he walked his fingers over her belly, enjoying the ripple of the muscles that even malnutrition had not managed to destroy. He crept lower, ignoring his better judgment as he slipped under the elastic band of her pants, and bit back a smile at the sudden tightening. She held her breath as he combed through the coarse hairs he knew were a delightful shade of pink.

"I was six, yes," Sakura said suddenly, and he realized someone must have been addressing her. "But some people started early. Like Kakashi-sensei, right?"

Kakashi slid his fingers lower, into the peak of her folds, as he shifted his hips forward, making sure she could feel his hardening shaft along the curve of her ass. "I told you how old I was, once. Don't you remember, Sakura-chan?"

"Hmm," she stalled, and he could see the flush creeping up the back of her neck. Idly, he wondered how glad she was that only their heads were visible under the thick sleeping bag.

His fingers danced slow circles around her nub as it responded to his attentions. "I thought you were a good student," he scolded playfully, swiping down briefly to gather the growing moisture and spread it higher.

"You can't expect me to memorize every little thing about you -- mmm." She cut off the moan with a cough as a weak cover when he brought the heel of his palm down on her abruptly. "You were four, right? But you were only five when you graduated."

"Very good," Kakashi said, resisting the urge to breathe it against her neck. "You deserve a reward."

"I want a cookie," she said, sounding uncertain, trying to keep the quiver from her voice as her hips began to rock back against him so lightly he could barely feel it. "Or a shower."

"Is that so?" He played at her entrance, waiting for something more.

"Yes," she said, and wiggled her bottom deliberately against his erection, sparking heat in his belly.

The conversation continued on without them, which suited Kakashi just fine. He concentrated on keeping his breaths steady and even, on controlling the involuntary jerks of his hips as he pressed into her again and again.

It wouldn't do to push her over the brink out in the open, so when her thighs were trembling beneath him, Kakashi withdrew his hand and rubbed her arm briskly. "That cold, are we, Sakura? You're shivering."

"I must be," she muttered, despite the new warmth filling the sleeping bag, and he could only imagine her glare. It brought a smile to his face and made him forget his intentions of stopping.

"Let me warm you up." Under the pretense of drawing her closer, he shifted her leg and drove a finger between her legs, unsurprised to find it wet and ready for him.  
She made a strangled sound in the back of her throat and tensed immediately as he began to move the digit in her. With each twitch of his finger, her shoulders relaxed even as her internal muscles jumped, gripping him tighter each time. She rolled her hips once, her mouth falling open in a silent moan, then shifted suddenly, going rigid. She batted his hand away, yanking her pants back up, and scrambled out of the sleeping bag.

"I thought you were cold," Sasuke said quietly, eyes trained steadily on her.

"Suddenly I feel too hot," she said, then blushed. "I mean, I thought I'd warm up better by moving around. Besides, we have first watch."  
Sasuke's customary smirk took on a dangerous edge. "Your cheeks are red, Sakura. Do you have a fever?"

The color in her face only deepened. For a minute, she was tongue tied, but finally managed, "You should probably get some sleep, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke turned his predatory gaze on Kakashi for a fraction of a second too long and then shrugged. "As you say."

Kakashi frowned, watching his most wayward student carefully, but Sasuke only turned in for the night, Juugo close behind. Kakashi rolled on his back and propped his hands behind his head, surreptitiously sniffing his fingers in the process. They smelled of her, and it pleased him.

Sakura stood watch, staring at the fire once more, as Isamu settled down with the baby, trying to quiet it. He had some success, long enough to fall asleep himself, so when Sari's cries began anew, Sakura sighed and leaned over her.

Heat still coursing through his blood, Kakashi eyed Sakura's backside. In an almost absentminded way, he stroked his cock through his pants, lightly running the pads of his fingers up to the tip and back down again. Unbidden, his mind provided images of what she might look like if he knocked her to her knees and took her from behind right there, pulling her pink hair so she cried out -- damn the rest of them. Sakura, unaware of his thoughts, scooped Sari up, bouncing the baby on her hip.

This seemed to calm the child, but Sakura still looked annoyed even as Sari blinked to sleep, so Kakashi finally roused himself and lay heavy hands on her shoulders. "What is it? Is it the baby? Does it bother you?"

"It's not the baby's fault that everyone expects me to know what to do with it," Sakura snapped, then leaned back into his chest.

He had been worried that seeing a baby so close and personal had put a longing in her; she pretended to be unaffected by the news, after Sasori, that there was too much scar tissue for her ever to regain fertility. Of their team, she told only Kakashi, and had smiled breezily and said it was probably for the best, being a ninja. Kakashi knew better, though. She was avoiding the subject again, but he didn't see the harm in letting her. He began to massage her shoulders gently, running a thumb along the little wispy hairs at the bottom of her ponytail.

"You do know more than us, though."

Sakura arched into his touch, rolling her neck. "I don't, really. You just think that because I'm a woman."

"Or maybe because you're a medic." He ran a knuckle up her spine and she shuddered.

"Kurenai's was the first baby I held," she protested, but with a different flame than anger making her voice thick.

"You're quick to volunteer, if you dislike it so much."

Gently, she snuggled the baby into the blanket nest situated next to Isamu. "Who else will do it? You? Sasuke?"

The chuckle suppressed in her voice drew one from him as well as he yanked her around to fall against his chest, her breasts soft as they pressed into him. Her smile was gentle, now, and real.

"I'd feed a baby for you," he breathed into her ear. "Even a squalling brat like that one."

She tilted her head back, exposing her throat. "It's not her fault," she said, but Kakashi sensed that Sakura's interest in the conversation had long ago deserted her.

Kakashi huffed into her hair, unable to resist dragging his lips along her neck as he withdrew. Coming back to himself, he stepped away and glanced around, but everyone else was still safely asleep. When he looked back at Sakura, her glare was fierce.

"Oh no you don't," she growled, and fisted her hand in his sweater, pulling him back to her. "You're playing dirty tonight."

When she spoke, her lips brushed against his and her hot breath fanned his cheek.

"Maybe I should make it up to you."

She moulded herself to him, exhaling into his ear. "I thought you said I deserved a reward."

"So I did." He squeezed her shapely ass while she dragged her tongue along his masked jaw, standing on her tiptoes.

His pulse beat a tattoo in time to her varying pressure, and he was all too aware of the length of her along his body, touching everywhere except where he truly wanted.

He hesitated. What she was proposing was risky, especially when they were supposed to be on watch with civilians in their care -- and then she lay a firm hand on his crotch and all reservations fled his mind.

Without thinking about it anymore, he took her hand and led her downwind, just far enough away for some sort of privacy but close enough to notice if anything went amiss in the camp.

When he stopped and turned to her, her grin was mischievous. "You started it," she said as if she knew what he was thinking, and she probably did.

Kakashi tore down his mask and attacked her mouth with his own, patience burning away like the fire she was lighting in his veins. "I started it," he agreed hoarsely as he lowered her compliant body to the ground, "and I'm going to finish it."

With a twitch of his wrist, her threadbare pants were around her ankles and he had two fingers inside her. She was still slick from before, and he already knew from her swallowed moan that she didn't object.

"Shh." He watched as she clamped a hand over her mouth and then lowered his lips to her sex.

Before long, she was bucking wildly against his face and panting behind her palm, twisting her other hand's fingers into his already knotted hair. He raised his head just a fraction to look at her -- the buttons of her blouse coming undone as she squirmed, the flush on her chest that was creeping towards her face, the haze in her green eyes.

"Fuck me now," she groaned, pulling at his scalp.

The blatant words, foreign on her tongue, made his cock jump in his pants, but he ignored her request.

"Such filth, Sakura-chan."

Kakashi paid no mind to the slap to the side of the head that didn't surprise him and renewed his efforts. She was moving now in a steady rhythm in time with his fingers -- something he hadn't needed to teach her, he noted, with a smirk against her. She noticed when he faltered and pressed his face back down with a rough growl. He bit back a laugh and obeyed her this time, following her lead to push her over the edge. 

With each push of his fingers and sweep of his tongue, she lifted her hips, stomach rippling, thighs quivering, breaths expelled frantically through an open mouth, both hands now gripping his hair for dear life. The moment seemed to stretch, filled with wet sounds and swallowed whimpers and her heady aroma invading his nose, making his patience run low.

‘Fuck me now.’ The memory of her voice tugged at him; his hold on her waist tightened as he sharpened his control. Finally, he felt her contract around his fingers, once acutely and then in smaller echoes, and her nails dug into his scalp.

"O-oh, that's..." She let his hair free and he came up for air, admiring her heaving bosom and the look of surprise still etched onto her face.

Kakashi wiped his face on his sleeve and freed his painful erection from his trousers. Vaguely, she registered his actions and shifted into position. He sank into her without hesitation, his eyes rolling back in his head at the feel of it after waiting so long.

"Happy birthday," he managed to grind out raggedly.

"What?" she sighed, only half paying attention to his words as she wiggled to adjust herself. "Shut up."

"So bossy," Kakashi said affectionately, leaning down to place a kiss on the diamond seal on her forehead -- too chaste for her, as she roughly tugged his face down to hers in a passionate meeting of tongues.

He chuckled into her mouth but it morphed into a groan as she raised her hips to meet his. Once the thrusting began, it didn't last long -- a few minutes of wandering hands, pesky clothes in the way, and relentless waves of pleasure until he slowed, panting into her neck as he spilled inside of her.  
Sakura heaved a great sigh and placed a sloppy kiss on his mouth before tucking his mask back into place. "Mm, that was nice."

He rolled off of her and adjusted his pants. "Do you feel rewarded, then?"

Leaning back on her elbows, she rolled her eyes. "Was it a reward or a birthday present? Make up your mind. My birthday was yesterday, you know."

"Was it?" Kakashi shrugged; it was so easy to lose track of the days now. "Better make it your birthday present then."

Sakura took his proffered hand to help her stand up and leaned against his chest once more. "But what about my reward? Don't cheat me now."

Kakashi took his mask back down and gave her a long, gentle kiss. Their lips moved slowly against one another, all the urgency already bled away. When he finally released her, she rocked back on her heels.

"How's that?" Kakashi said and tweaked her nose. "It'll have to do, because I don't have anything else to offer."

The sight of her toothy smile shot something like electricity down the back of Kakashi's neck all the way to the base of his spine.

"It's perfect," she said.

"You wouldn't rather have a shower?"

She laughed. "Well... Maybe. If there's soap, too."

"I see what I'm worth to you," he joked and she bumped him with her hip as she re-situated her clothing. "We better get back to camp."

"I guess," she said, pulling a face.

When they walked back into the clearing, Sakura was still tucking her blouse back in -- and froze, for Isamu had awoken while they were gone.

"Isamu-san, I ah... I hope we didn't wake you. We were -- scouting." She couldn't sound more nervous, more obvious, fidgeting with her hair and clothes.  
The old man smiled at them knowingly. "I wasn't always a geezer, you know."

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably.

Isamu just tapped the side his nose, still smiling. "Don't fret. Sari woke me, and no one else roused. She's already back down."

With a strange sinking feeling in his stomach, Kakashi shook Juugo and left him to wake Sasuke for their watch. Then Kakashi settled into his sleeping bag with Sakura, turning his back to hers.

"Good night," she whispered, squeezing his thigh despite the tenseness that had returned to her shoulders.

"Good night."

In spite of the new unease that gripped him, he drifted off to sleep almost immediately. By the morning, it would be forgotten.

\---

When morning came, it came in red. The sun was rising over the trees in brilliant oranges and crimsons muted by the haze its rays had just begun to burn away.

Sai was painting the skyscape, except he had changed the backdrop to the Hokage monument. By the time Kakashi actually considered rousing himself, Sai was done, putting on the finishing touches -- and just in time, for the baby began to cry, like clockwork, as the sun finally peaked the trees. Juugo picked Sari up, rocking her, and a bird landed on his shoulder, serenading.

This finally woke Sakura, who rolled out of their sleeping bag. The top buttons of her too-loose blouse had come undone again during the night, but still bleary-eyed, Sakura failed to notice that the gap in the fabric hung dangerously open. Kakashi considered warning her, but instead, propped himself up on his elbow with a smile, watching her stretch.

"Ooh, what's this, Sai?" she mumbled as she came to, wandering over to admire his work.

"You're very talented," offered Isamu from where he was washing up in the stream.

As Sakura leaned over the collapsible easel -- a rare survivor, but then again Sai was perhaps the only ninja who would carry such a thing into the heart of war itself -- she gasped in wonderment.

"The monument! How lovely."

"I feel I should warn you as a friend, Hag, that you are nearly exposing your breasts." Sai cocked his head, considering. "Although that might only be the correct protocol between female friends. I can't recall."

Sakura stood up straight, clutching her blouse collar to her throat, flushed. "No, it's -- it's good. Thanks, Sai."

Kakashi quirked his lips until Suigetsu snorted softly. "Way to spoil it for the rest of us, pasty face. Not that it's all that much to look at anyway."

Sakura's back stiffened, but she ignored Suigetsu as she carefully buttoned her shirt. "But why did you use your watercolors, Sai? I thought they were only for special occasions until we figure out how to get more."

"But it is a special occasion," Sai said with a smile. "It's your birthday. I think, anyway."

Her jaw dropped open, hand flying to her open mouth. "That's so sweet. It was my birthday a few days ago. Thank you."

Sai inclined his head. "Seventeen, right?"

"We're the same age now."

Eyes twinkling, Sakura beamed at Sai. Kakashi's own smile dropped off his face. Seventeen years old. It sounded so strange, said aloud, though Kakashi had always known how old she was. At seventeen, he had been an ANBU captain and no one would have minded who he cared to sleep with. It wouldn't be so with Sakura, Kakashi knew -- but still, he always forgot such things when the moment came. He couldn't help but see her as she was: just Sakura. Sai and Sakura continued their conversation, unaware of Kakashi's thoughts.

"I wanted to show you," Sai said quietly, pointing at his easel. "See, it's still Konoha. Even now."

Sakura kissed Sai on the cheek. "I know it. Really, that's so thoughtful of you, I --"

Her jaw snapped shut mid-word, and Kakashi saw her pupils dilate at the exact same moment he registered what he was sensing, already springing to his feet. Sasuke had already ripped Isamu from the stream and they all huddled around him and Juugo, who still clutched the baby to his chest. The bird had already fled, but the baby squalled on, oblivious.

"What's going on?" Isamu whispered.

No one responded, but the answer soon became obvious as three enemy ninja descended on the clearing, jutsu already blazing. Before anyone had a chance to react, Suigetsu's head was encased in a globe of swirling, blackened water. As Kakashi's water dragon grappled with a snaking column of water that burst from the stream, Sai sent a senbon flying through the globe to the left of Suigetsu's ear, but the bubble did not burst. Suigetsu fell to the ground, clutching at his neck.

"Hakken!" Isamu shouted hoarsely, covering his mouth. "Don't breathe the black!"

Kakashi managed to electrocute the water user, and the lightning bolt connected with a hiss and the smell of charred flesh just as Sasuke put his crackling blue katana through the back of another enemy's chest.

A sickening crunch and an abrupt end to a horrible scream behind Kakashi told him that Sakura and Sai had dispatched the third. It was disturbingly quiet now that the battle was over as quickly as it began -- or so Kakashi thought. Something let out an inhuman screech that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. 

"Sari!" Isamu called, just as Kakashi realized the reason the silence was so eery. The baby had stopped crying. "No, no! What is that thing?"

Kakashi whirled to see a black and grey monster where Juugo should be. One arm still clutched the baby to its chest while the other elongated into claw-like talons. Cackling madly, the beast crawled toward the enemy ninja Sasuke had skewered, who was still struggling to breathe. With each thumping step, the baby's non-responsive, dangling arm swung back and forth.

Sakura stared at the thing, wide eyed, blood spattered across her face. She met Kakashi's gaze across the clearing and he nodded, catching Sai's eye as well. They began to circle Juugo, or what was once Juugo. Kakashi pulled out a kunai; Sakura pulled her gloves tighter; Sai unsheathed his tanto.

They were too slow. Suigetsu, still trapped in the dark orb of water, tackled Juugo and shoved the baby at a startled Sakura. Juugo roared, violently tearing at Suigetsu's straining limbs, cutting him with the talons as he began to leak water like a punctured balloon.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke stepped forward calmly, and his dark eyes swirled back to life, flashing red. Immediately, Juugo sagged into Suigetsu. Grey faded to pink; black brightened to orange. Juugo was, once again, just a man. He took a look around, bewildered, and when he spotted the silent, limp baby in Sakura's arms, he began to cry, sobs racking his large frame. 

Kakashi helped Sasuke up from where he had fallen to the ground, heels of his palms clasped to his eyes, blood leaking out underneath.

Suigetsu, his head free but looking distinctly melty around the edges, stepped forward and rested his sword on the remaining aggressor's neck.

"What did you want with us, you Hakken bastard? I was trying to filter your weak-ass poison, but Juugo rushed me, so now I'm polluted. I'll be shitting that crap for a week, thanks to you." Suigetsu spit on the man's face.

"What -- what's it to you," the man hacked, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth.

"More like what's it to you?" Suigetsu grinned wickedly. "What is mercy worth, to a dying man?"

"We heard you had more civilians," the man rasped, changing his tune quickly. "The Kizanu clan stole all ours. Or tried to. Burned them all to the ground while they slept rather than let us have them, those motherfuckers."

"No," Isamu sobbed brokenly. "Why..."

"Mercy," pled the Hakken, coughing up more blood. "Mercy."

Suigetsu's nostrils flared in excitement and he drew the huge sword down, toyed with the tip over the man's heart, and then turned and hacked off his arm in one fell swoop. His torso became a fountain of blood a fraction of a second before he let loose an unholy scream. Suigetsu laughed deep in his belly, moving the sword to take off the other arm.

In the blink of an eye, Sasuke drew his katana and stabbed the man through the heart, ending his torment.

"Aww," Suigetsu whined, pouting. "But this dude kills babies. I thought you'd let me have some fun."

"No," Juugo said, long since having ceased weeping to stare ahead blankly. "I kill babies."

"The baby's not dead," Sasuke said, monotone despite the crimson tears leaking down the smooth planes of his cheeks.

As if on cue, Sari began to wail. Sakura looked up at them all, beaming, her palms still glowing green.

"She just got knocked out. She's fine!"

Isamu cried out in relief and scooped the child up. 

Sai, as unaffected as ever, had already begun to clear up, but paused in front of his easel with a frown. "It got blood on it."

Bizarrely, Sasuke began to laugh. "Now it's really like Konoha."

\---

A veritable entourage awaited their return at the edge of the camp that was now Konoha, comprised of the civilians they'd met on the road and the comrades that had escorted them.

The survivors they'd sent as messengers, all able-bodied men, ignored Kakashi's team and peeked around as if they were hiding more villagers behind their backs. As the realization dawned that it was truly only an elderly man and an infant that had returned, Kakashi could see it in the hardening of their faces.  
Isamu shook his head slowly, confirming their fears.

"The Bloody Mist," a man muttered, fists clenched at his sides.

Another man -- a boy, really, just beginning to sprout a few scraggly hairs on his chin -- reached out to pat Sari, lower lip trembling. "We should have known."  
Hyuuga Akira stood by passively, but his stiff shoulders showed his true feelings. "What is the meaning of this?" he said to Kakashi.

"I report to the Hokage," Kakashi said, brushing past him.

Akira shifted his weight and put a light hand on Kakashi's shoulder. "I have been instructed to --"

Kakashi shook it off. "I received this mission from the Hokage, and it's her I'll speak to."

Before Akira could object any more, Kakashi walked away and clapped Yamato on the back. "Nice to see you."

"You too," Yamato said. His grin seemed too exuberant for the situation, but he wasn't paying much attention to Kakashi anyway, looking beyond him to Sakura. "Sakura-chan, I'm sorry I missed your birthday, but I think I can make it up to you."

She came up to them, smiling. "Oh, don't worry about that, Yamato-taichou. Sai and Kakashi-sensei both did something nice for me, and that's plenty --"

Yamato cut her off by going behind her, placing a wide palm over her eyes to obscure her vision. "You'll like this surprise, I promise."

He led her forward and Kakashi followed behind. Quickly, he realized what Yamato had done. Kakashi froze in place, transfixed by the scene playing out in front of him, one he   
had never expected.

Yamato removed his hand, revealing his surprise: Yamanaka Ino and Rock Lee, looking painfully skinny and definitely worse for wear, but alive and standing there grinning like fools.

At first Sakura stood, rooted to the spot, disbelief written all over her face. Then her eyes lit up as bright as the sun in a way they hadn't since the end of the war, and she squealed happily, scrambling forward to tackle them both into the same awkward hug.

"Ino-pig, what --! Lee-san, I thought --" Sakura burst into celebratory tears, peppering them with frantic kisses all over their faces and anywhere she could reach.

"Don't slobber on my boyfriend, you fat whore," Ino said, voice gravelly in a way it hadn't been before, but with a grin fit to bust.

"Boyfriend?" Sakura screeched, pulling back to look at them both in surprise. When Lee's face turned as red as a tomato, Sakura laughed. "Geez, don't let your head pop off, Hinata," she said pointedly, patting him on the cheek. "Good for you, but where the hell were you guys? You have no idea what we -- I sent poor Kakashi out there every day looking, and Tenten just about lost her mind. Not to mention Shikamaru and Chouji."

"Sorry about that, Forehead," Ino said, extracting herself forcefully from Sakura's too-tight grip. "I guess we overslept a little, huh? But when I woke up, I was weak as a kitten, and I couldn't get out of that weird stuff all around me. I called out until my throat bled, and I had almost given up. Lee found me, though, didn't you, Lee-kun?"  
Sakura linked arms with Ino and Lee and led them away, chatting a mile a minute. 

Yamato watched them go, smiling broadly.

"Maybe in poor taste to do it right here," Kakashi muttered, eyeing the Mist survivors. They were still heartbroken at learning the fates of their peers, staring jealously after   
Sakura.

Yamato slugged Kakashi in the bicep with his good arm, still grinning. "Worth it, though, right, senpai?"

"Yeah." Kakashi rubbed his chin, feeling his own small smile beneath his mask. "It was worth it."


	5. Chapter 5

With the wind still blowing sand in a thick stream through the air, Gaara had a hard time seeing even just a few feet ahead of him. Certainly, they would be reaching Suna within the next few hours and be able to assess the situation. Adjusting his cloak to protect his sore cheeks from the harsh sand, Gaara sighed. The trek home had been a disaster. The sandstorm had made it near impossible to carry the wounded effectively and had led to several deaths on its own. Even his own legs trembled under the strain of exhaustion from having to lift his feet that always sank too deep with every step, threatening to collapse at any second.

“We’ve got to be close,” he heard Temari mutter behind him.

Gaara stopped, signaling for the others to do the same.

“What is it?” Kankuro asked, impatience thick in his voice.

Gaara’s hand reached out, until it connected with a wall of sand. Slowly, his fingers dug into it until they hit a harder material.

“We’re home.”

\---

Gaara was tired. Every step was met only with more sand, more cocoons and more death. After more than a week wrapped up in the damned jutsu, no one survived. Three feet of sand covered most of his beloved village and salvaging it would be more of an effort than his troops could handle at the time being. What he needed -- what they all needed -- was a decent night’s sleep.

“What do we do?” Temari growled as she kicked sand, cursing when she stubbed her toes on a hidden step.

“There’s no choice but to go to Konoha,” Gaara sighed. “Inform the men to gather any resources that we can still use. I doubt Konoha is in a much better state.”

“Understood.”

Temari left without another word, obeying his order promptly.

Gaara walked deeper into the village. At random, he stopped at what he assumed to be the doorstep of a house. Summoning energy he no longer had, he shoved the sand that lied in the door’s path until he could force it open. 

At first glance, the room was empty, though it did not smell rotten like the previous ones he’d had the misfortune of visiting. It was possible that the inhabitants had been poorer and lived off only jarred and dry food, which hadn’t been victim to all kinds of mold.  
Peeking in the cupboards confirmed his suspicions. Jars of all kinds filled them, from meat to vegetables and fruits, even water. Feeling the bags under his eyes grow heavier with each move, Gaara hurried to grab a few of the jars. They would suffice for dinner tonight.

“W-Who’s there?”

Gaara dropped a jar of tomatoes as he heard the voice and jumped back, cursing himself for wasting precious food.

“Kazekage-sama?” a young girl gasped, arms dropping limp at her side.

At the sight of her, a girl no more than ten years old, Gaara’s eyes widened. The child was no ninja, yet had survived?

“Kazekage-sama, it is you!” she burst out happily, tears welling up at the corner of her eyes as she threw herself in his arms. “You didn’t abandon us!”

“Akiko, what are you…” A woman appeared in the doorway, eyes as shocked as his as she saw Gaara standing in her kitchen. “Kazekage-sama,” she whispered before she dropped to her knees and let her tears flow freely. “Thank goodness, you’re here!”

“How did you survive?” Gaara finally said, trembling arms wrapping around the child that still hugged him.

Akiko was alive; he wasn’t dreaming. He could feel her warmth, her soft hair, the wetness of her tears on his clothes.

“I don’t know. It happened while we were sleeping. We woke up and almost everyone was in those strange things,” the mother cried, wiping at her cheeks as more tears came. 

“Are there more of you?”

The woman nodded as she sobbed, gathering the strength to stand up and take her daughter in her arms. Quietly, she hugged Akiko and pressed urgent kisses to the child’s head, whispering her relief.

“There are more,” she finally answered. “We all took shelters in our houses because of the sandstorms that have been out of control the past two weeks. People from the surrounding villages even gathered here after… They didn’t know what to do.”

Stunned into silence, Gaara managed to crack a smile. They wouldn’t be heading to Konoha empty-handed, at the very least. The trek had been worth every painful step.

\---

The trip to Konoha had been a breeze compared to traveling through Suna’s unforgiving sands. Finding survivors had boosted the troops’ morale and the rather easygoing trek had only raised it further. Even though Gaara wasn’t fond of most of the gossip he heard of Konoha being a haven they couldn’t wait to reach, he couldn’t help but want to believe in it. As much as he knew they would probably come to a village in ruins like his, he wanted Konoha to stand strong and offer his people the shelter they deserved.

When they finally reached the end of the forest, the last hill that rolled down to their destination, Gaara stopped. The view of tents and empty terrain, even if it had been expected, made his arms go limp and his jaw clench. Whatever cheerfulness he had felt was drained out of him. Instead, he bit down down on his tongue, closing his eyes as he tasted the coppery bitterness of his blood.

The silence that fell behind him made his knees weak and his head lowered to stare at the beautiful grass under his feet. Sighing, he looked up at Temari, surprised to find angry tears running down on her cheeks. 

Steeling himself, Gaara straightened and raised his hand. “Keep walking! Konoha is waiting for us.”

Raising his chin proudly, Gaara led the way, relieved when Temari and Kankuro followed in his steps. 

If they could live in a barren desert for decades, starting anew would be a child’s play.

\---

The sight of Tsunade was yet another blow to Gaara’s abused hopefulness. The poor woman was shrunken in the back of her seat, nearly lacking the strength to keep her head up to take a good look at him. A small, weak wave of her hand and the Hyuuga at her side bent down to listen to her low rasping which Gaara could not understand from where he stood with Kankuro and Temari.

“Hokage-sama welcomes you,” the Hyuuga said as he bowed. “She is happy to see you have made the trip safely.”

With a nod, Gaara walked to Tsunade’s chair, standing at her feet. “It is an honor to be back in Konoha, Tsunade-sama.”

“How was Suna?” Tsunade breathed out, raising a shaking head to look up at him. 

“Buried in the sand, I’m afraid,” Gaara sighed. “We need to request your permission to merge our camp with yours, as had been offered in our previous meeting.”

“Naruto’s friends are forever welcome here,” Tsunade said with a smile, eyes sparkling momentarily at the mention of his late friend.

“Have you found survivors?” 

Tsunade’s eyes lit up and she nodded. “It seems villagers from Water Country have made it through unscathed.” She paused to take a few long breaths. “We aren’t sure yet why they were never cocooned to begin with.”

“Villagers were found in Suna as well, also never under the influence of the jutsu,” Gaara answered, chest swelling in mild anticipation.

“Go see Shikamaru,” Tsunade said. “I’m sure he’ll be able to make something of this. I’ll see you again after I have rested.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Gaara replied with a bow. “You have our gratitude for your hospitality.”

\---

For a moment, Gaara watched in silence as Shikamaru observed a map. 

“Suna is prone to sandstorms, is it not?” Shikamaru asked as he ran his thumb over his bottom lip.

“It is.” Gaara nodded. “For the two weeks we were gone, at the very least, they have been present every day.”

“I see,” Shikamaru said, leaning over the map to take a closer look at Water’s territory.

After a few more seconds of intently staring at the map, Shikamaru smiled and plopped down in the chair behind him, eyes uncommonly bright.

“It seems not all hope is lost, my friend,” Shikamaru said as he reached for a cigarette and lit it. “The first thing I figured out was that the ones with high skills in genjutsu woke first. The Hyuuga, mainly, because of their special eyes.” He paused to take a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out. “Next were the powerful shinobi, but it seems also the strong-willed people. People like Sakura and Kakashi woke up almost instantly, didn’t even have the time to be cocooned.”

Shikamaru offered him a cigarette, but Gaara shook his head and instead took a seat across from the other man.

“Children under the age of three seem to have been unaffected by the genjutsu as well, same as the animals,” Shikamaru said as he toyed with his cigarette, watching it with disinterest. “So there are loopholes to this pain-in-the-ass technique.”

Gaara’s ears perked up. “What are you implying?”

“It seems that...” Shikamaru grinned cheekily. “Under the right circumstances, the jutsu was completely ineffective, regardless of a person’s affinity with genjutsu or lack of intelligence to imagine a better world.” He took another drag, taking far too long to Gaara’s liking. “The survivors from Water Country lived in a heavily foggy area, while your survivors…”

Gaara’s eyes widened as he came to the same conclusion. “Live in a constant sandstorm.”

“Exactly,” Shikamaru said as he leaned back into his chair. “In both instance, the sky and moonlight had been blocked, or at least partially blocked, by meteorological phenomena.”

“Then there are a lot more survivors out there than we first thought.”

“Bingo.”

\---

Gaara walked towards the tent Kankuro had set up for them, glance skimming over the camp. Even if it was only a weak gathering at this point, it had to be better than being buried under meters of sand, Gaara tried to convince himself.

“Two people are coming!” 

Gaara’s head whipped around in the direction of the voice, seeing a man running towards him on his right. Frowning, he looked the other way. At the sight of distasteful green and deep purple, his eyes widened. 

Survivors, and he knew them.

Along with a few others, he sprinted towards them, skidding to a stop when he finally stood before them. 

He was right.

“Ino, Lee,” Gaara breathed out.

If not for the putrid smell they gave off and the fact that other people were seeing the duo, Gaara would have wondered if he was hallucinating.

Still, the horribly frail and dirty bodies that stood before him were no trick.

“Gaara,” Ino breathed out as she collapsed into his arms, certainly lacking the strength to support herself a second more. “We’re home, aren’t we?”

“Yes, you are,” Gaara said as he gathered her in her arms.

“We made it,” Lee whimpered, eyes brimming with tears. “We made it.”

One of the men picked Lee up on his back and carried him as they walked back towards the camp.

“I want to see Sakura,” Ino rasped, gripping his shirt.

“Sakura is out of the village for the moment,” Gaara answered, narrowing his eyes as guilt nipped at him, even if it was in no way his fault. “We will bring you to Shizune.”

“They’re both alive, then?” she gasped, tugging at his shirt tighter.

“Yes. Tsunade-sama as well.”

In his arm’s, Ino’s light body trembled as she choked out weak sobs. 

“I want to see Gai-sensei!” Lee let out, cheerful as he half tried to push himself off his carrier’s back.

When he was met with silence, his struggle died down and his body went limp. Cheek on the man’s shoulders, Lee’s eyes looked up at the sky, the expression in them all too common these days.

\---

Sitting down in his tent with Temari and Kankuro, Gaara ran his hands through his hair, which he noticed just now had grown too long and desperately needed a cut. Sighing, he stared at a wall of the tent, annoyed even by the orange color of it.

“What are we going to do now?” Temari finally asked.

“You think we’re gonna go back to Suna, now?” Kankuro snapped, breaking the twig he had been toying with.

“I didn’t say that,” Temari growled back, knocking the pieces of wood out of Kankuro’s hands. “I just want to know what our plan is.”

“It’s obvious what it is!”

“Cut it out,” Gaara sighed.

Immediately, his two siblings shut their mouths and settled their gaze on him.

“Do we really have a choice?” Gaara said.

“No,” Temari answered, sitting straighter.

“This isn’t home,” Kankuro said, though he clearly lacked conviction.

“Yes, this isn’t home.” Gaara nodded as he looked at his brother. “But what are we going to do at home? We can’t grow anything and the only reliable source of water is jutsu. We can’t go back there, not yet at the very least.”

Kankuro lowered his head. “I don’t want to abandon home.”

“We are not abandoning Suna,” Gaara reassured. “Our place remains in the sand, but for the time being, it is too hostile an environment.”

Kankuro and Temari nodded quietly.

Gaara stared at the meager lunch that had been left untouched in the middle of their circle. Three bowls of okayu. Okayu was all they had been offered since their arrival and Gaara had to remind himself that the lack of proper food couldn’t be blamed on Konoha.

“We will remain here until the situation is stable enough,” Gaara said as he picked up his bowl. Kankuro and Temari imitated him. “There is nothing else we can do. Konoha has been generous enough to share shelter and food with us, so we must repay them.”

While they chewed on their rice, Kankuro and Temari nodded again, though the light in their eyes seemed to fade.

“We will provide for this village as we would for our own, help it grow back into its former state as gratitude for what they have done for us.” Gaara paused to shove a spoonful of gruel into his mouth, swallowing it quickly. “Inform everyone that they are to obey Hokage-sama as they would obey me, to work and protect Konoha and their inhabitants as they would do in Suna. For the time being, this is our home and we will act as such.”

Again, Temari and Kankuro nodded, expressing none of the revolt they both obviously felt. 

“I will inform Hokage-sama of this after our meal.”

\---

Gaara stood before Hyuuga Ko, who, as always, guarded the entrance of the Hokage’s tent. “I want to speak to Hokage-sama.”

It seemed that during the day, this tent served as the village’s brain and headquarters, until night came and Tsunade retreated to the Nara estate, newly established as her personal housing and where any large meetings where hosted.

Ko nodded and led him inside, where Tsunade was sitting at her table again. Next to where her arm lay, Gaara could see a bowl containing the remnants of her meal. Okayu, as everyone else.

“Hokage-sama,” Ko called.

Tsunade started as she woke up, rubbing her eyes as she glanced up at them. “Gaara, come sit,” she greeted, voice a little healthier and louder than in their previous meeting. 

Gaara obeyed and sat on the chair across from hers. 

“What did you come see me for?”

“To speak of the matters concerning my village,” Gaara said.

“You don’t need to be so formal with me,” Tsunade chuckled, leaning her head on her fist. “What do you need?”

“We don’t need anything,” Gaara said, shaking his head. “I am here to offer you our manpower to use as you see fit. You have given us shelter and food at no cost, so I must repay you.”

“It was the least I could do,” Tsunade replied, a small smile on her old, dry lips. 

“It is also the least we can do,” Gaara said with a nod.

Tsunade sighed and stretched in her chair, joints popping loudly. “We’re using a large part of our workforce to cut wood right now, in order to build proper buildings. Still, the progress is slow.”

“Kankuro and Temari are currently informing every one of my men that they are to obey you as they would obey me. Use them and myself as you see fit.”

“Tell half of them to join in the wood gathering then,” Tsunade said with a nod, sounding relieved.

“Right away,” Gaara said with a quick nod. “Is there anything else we can help with?”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something else soon enough,” Tsunade replied, straightening in her chair. Instantly, some of her years seemed to fade away. “Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” 

Gaara stood and bowed to the Hokage before spinning on his heels and exiting the tent.

\---

Suna’s troops’ arrival along with the news of more survivors that they brought had greatly livened up the camp. Everywhere Gaara walked, the previously empty and tired faces had turned jovial and hopeful, a change that Gaara was all too thankful for. The grimness of the past few weeks had started to drag his shoulders down and burdened his every step. Now that he could offer his people a decent, even if meager, shelter and a spark of hope, Gaara could finally breathe.

“Dinner is served!” Chouji shouted eagerly as he started passing plates in their circle.

The meal was modest: udon with a handful of a flaccid vegetables that were no longer so fresh, and, to everyone’s joy, their portion of a hundred and fifty grams of beef. It was almost nothing, but everyone around him was cheering loudly as their received their plates. 

In order to celebrate their arrival, as well as the discovery of more survivors and a large herd of cattle, two cows had been slaughtered. Their flesh now served to feed the two thousand and five hundred people that populated the camp. Although he disliked to rejoice over such a negligible amount of meat, his mouth watered when he caught a whiff of its scent. Fresh meat was becoming a rarity now.

“What are you guys waiting for?” Sakura cheered from his side. “Let’s dig in!”

Her words were taken as seriously as if they had been orders. Even Gaara went straight for the piece of beef and closed his eyes in bliss when the juice of it burst on his tongue.

“Why just this lame strip of meat?!” Suigetsu cried out as he held it before his eyes, watching it hungrily. “Would killing a few more cows really be that bad? I’m starving!”

Without further ado, he bit into the meat and whimpered in bittersweet pleasure. At his side, Sasuke rolled his eyes. Sakura laughed wholeheartedly at Suigetsu’s antics, even cracking a wide smile before she sunk her teeth in the meat. 

Gaara glanced down at the piece of meat, feeling his hunger return with a vengeance as he watched the juices drip from it. Chouji would never overcook meat. Even with so little to flavor it, it was perfect. Another small bite of it proved him absolutely right a second time. 

Just as he swallowed his bite, Gaara could see Sakura picking at her meat, favoring her vegetables instead. “Is something wrong with your beef?”

“No, not at all,” Sakura hurried to say, smiling brightly at him. “I just think it would be better if Ino had it.”

Without another word, she placed the undesired food in Ino’s plate.

“You’re crazy, Forehead,” Ino grumbled as she chewed on her own piece of meat.

“You need it a lot more than I do, Pig,” Sakura scoffed. 

“Well, you’re right about that!” Ino chuckled as she brought the extra meat to her lips. “I need to fill my curves back in!”

“Ino-chan shouldn’t worry about that,” Lee chimed in, half of his plate already emptied. “I will always find her beautiful.”

“Aw, hear that, Forehead,” Ino cooed, cupping her reddening cheeks. “What a catch he is.”

Lee’s cheeks were quick to take on the same color as Ino’s and he lowered his eyes to his lap, hurrying to shove more food in his mouth. 

Sakura giggled and flicked a strand of Ino’s hair. “Modesty was never your thing, was it?”

Kakashi leaned closer to Sakura from her right, placing his hand on the ground near her left hip. “Look who’s speaking.”

Scowling, Sakura shoved him away. “Mind your own business.”

While the chatter continued around him, Gaara was satisfied quietly chewing the rest of his meal, enjoying the cheerful energy that filled the camp for the rest of the dinner.

\---

Gaara sighed as he glanced down at his cards. A two of hearts, a four of clubs, and a five of spades. With the goal of reaching twenty-one, he was certain to lose with this trio. Silently, he glanced at Kakashi, who was sitting on his left. Just like him, Kakashi was quiet and focused on his cards.

“Your move, Gaara,” Sai called, fulfilling his role of dealer perfectly with his unreadable face..

“Stand,” Gaara said.

“Hit,” Kakashi let out, reaching for the card that Sai was quick to hand him. He looked down at his cards and sighed, dropping them to ground. A seven, a six and a jack, all of hearts. “Bust.”

Yamato laughed at his side and shook his head. “Hit.”

While Yamato took his new card, Kakashi glared at him through narrowed eyes.

“What’s with all the hostility tonight, senpai?” Yamato sighed as he placed his card between his fingers.

“I’m jealous,” Kakashi huffed. 

“Stand,” Sasuke chuckled as he glanced at Kakashi. “You, jealous? Never heard of that before.”

“I never did peg you as the jealous type,” Sai chimed in as he picked a new card for himself. “How surprising.”

“Hit,” Gaara said.

A small sigh of relief escaped his lips when he received a six of spades. Total seventeen, not so bad now.

Kakashi took his new cards from Sai without saying a word.

“Hit,” Yamato said. “So what are you jealous about anyway?”

“You got Sakura a better birthday present than I did,” Kakashi mumbled, bending the corners of his cards.

“Well, what did you get her?” Yamato asked while Sasuke picked a new card. 

Sasuke dropped his cards face-first. A two, a jack, and a nine, all of spades for a perfect twenty-one. 

Gaara chuckled to himself when he saw the matching cards. Sasuke and Kakashi had had a knack for picking all the spades and hearts respectively in this game.

“An orgasm,” Kakashi said casually while he observed Sasuke’s cards.

Sai’s hands hesitated as he placed his own cards down, also a twenty-one with an ace of spades and a king of clubs. 

Yamato’s eyes narrowed as he looked a Kakashi, until he burst out laughing and patted Kakashi on the back. “Great joke, senpai, great joke.”

“Who says he’s joking,” Sasuke chuckled as he took the two new cards from Sai’s hand.

Yamato’s eyes went wide as he stared at Kakashi. 

Gaara watched Kakashi and Yamato closely, anticipating Kakashi’s reply. There was a part of Gaara that wanted to add on Sasuke’s reply, tell them that Kakashi wasn’t the kind to joke, but he held his tongue.

Uncertain, Yamato turned to Kakashi. Sitting cross-legged with his cheek his in his palm, Kakashi smiled broadly -- as broad as a smile under a mask could be, though having the two-eyed version of his eye smile was entertaining by itself.

“I’m just messing with him,” Sasuke sighed. “Don’t look at me like that. We all know you wouldn’t lay a finger on Sakura, ever.”

Kakashi was eyeing Sasuke, eyes slightly narrowed and back suddenly a little straighter. 

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind a little bit of female company after all I’ve been through,” Yamato said, breaking the tension as he laughed. “How about you, Gaara? I’m sure you agree.”

Gaara looked away from them and focused on his cards instead, cheeks flushing a little.

“You could answer me at least,” Yamato muttered.

“I don’t think he can answer,” Sasuke cut in.

Cheeks burning brighter, Gaara looked up at Sasuke to see him grinning like a wolf. “Can you answer?”

“Yes,” Sasuke answered simply, his poise never faltering.

“Well, I’m sure you agree with me then, senpai?” Yamato asked as he turned to Kakashi.

“Maybe I’m not late for once,” Kakashi said, teasing and grinning as he flipped the ace of hearts between his fingers.

Yamato’s shoulders dropped drastically and he sighed. “You were always smooth, huh.”

“I have never experienced sexual intercourse either,” Sai added, probably trying to ease Gaara’s pain.

Gaara gritted his teeth and lowered his gaze, enduring his embarrassment in silence.

\---

Standing under the first harsh rays of the sun of the year, Gaara watched in silence as a person he didn’t know the name of engraved new letters in the Memorial Stone. At his sides and behind him stood every ninja that currently lived in Konoha, all in the same morbid silence. Gaara glanced down at his shirt’s sleeve, lips stretching in a thin, hard line. You did not wear blue at a funeral…

Yet, everybody wore all kinds of colors. Most of them still wore their war uniform, while a few had been granted new clothes, some even a flashy red. Only a small number had been able to be clad in the traditional black.

When Gaara looked up again, a new name was clearly visible on the stone. Inhaling deeply, he gritted his teeth, tipping his head back as tears threatened to form in his eyes.

“We are here today to honor the memories of our friends and comrades,” Hyuuga Hiashi said, his voice reaching all the way to the last rows of mourners. “Family and lovers, children and parents,” he continued, tangling his hands on his stomach as he lowered his head. “To thank them for the sacrifice they offered so we could stand here today, alive.”

Behind Gaara, cries and whimpers erupted. 

“While we can never make up for what they have lost, we can remember them and make sure that they live on in our memories, as the beloved friends, family, and comrades that they were.” Pausing, he glanced at the Hokage, who nodded. “Hokage-sama invites those of you who have brought gifts to come and deposit them by the Memorial Stone.”

A small line slowed formed before the Hyuuga. Only a month after Madara’s incomprehensible destruction, gathering mementos for the departed was no easy task.

“Hyuuga Neji.” 

Hinata’s whisper was barely audible even though Gaara stood rather close to the stone. Carefully, she placed a beautifully wrapped package by the cenotaph before making place for the next person in line. 

“Inuzuka Kiba,” Tenten said, loud and proud, as she placed a bone on the grass before the stone. “You dog.”

As she walked away, a small, blonde woman took her place and put a flower next to the bone. “Namiashi Raidou.”

Suigetsu stepped in the woman’s place as she moved away and threw a pebble down. “Karin, you whiny ass bitch.”

His speech raised whispers quickly and a few of the disapproving comments reached Gaara’s ears. A small smile grew on his lips as he watched Suigetsu walk away, not missing the scrunched up face and beginning of tears forming in Suigetsu’s eyes.

“Mitarashi Anko,” Sai said as placed what Gaara guessed was a drawing of a snake.

By the time Sakura and Kakashi’s turns came, the sun had started to lower in the sky. Although it was still bright, its heat had started to dissipate and many were huddling together for a little more warmth.

Kakashi walked up to the stone and seemed to hesitate for a second, his last step faltering briefly. Visibly swallowing a lump in his throat, Kakashi knelt down to place a piece of green fabric on top of the pile of gifts. “Maito Gai.”

Sakura stood next to him and knelt down to take his hand in hers, offering him a weak smile as she helped him up. Still holding onto his hand, Sakura retrieved a headband with the Alliance’s insignia from her pocket.

As she bent down to place the headband in the pile, the air around Gaara seemed to still. As if everyone held their breath as they watched Sakura, the wind died down along with its whispers. The clanging of the headband’s metal seemed to resonate, no doubt tugging at everyone’s heartstrings along with Gaara’s.

“Uzumaki Naruto.”

Gaara’s jaw clenched as he registered the words. For a moment, his sight darkened, focusing on nothing but images of his best friend’s overwhelming presence. His smile, his cheers, his happiness.

The sound of Sakura sobbing pulled Gaara back to reality. Wrapped in Kakashi’s arms, she cried freely, uninhibited even under the crowd’s gaze. Ever so softly, Kakashi’s shoulders seemed to shake, in time with her whimpers. 

Soon enough, distant friends of Naruto joined in, crying along with Sakura and whoever would shed tears for their fallen hero.

When a drop of water seeped into his collar and wet the skin under it, Gaara realized his own eyes were brimming with tears as well. 

Only now did he realize that Naruto was not going to crash this party, shouting obnoxiously his apology for being late. Ichiraku Ramen would never prosper the same again. Naruto’s face would never be carved along with those of the other Hokage.

Gaara no longer had a best friend.

Gritting his teeth against the pain that devoured his insides, Gaara shut his eyes and turned his head. 

“Thousands of enemies may come, but we will stand.”

Once again, Sakura’s voice brought his focus back to the present moment. 

Although brokenly and offbeat, she appeared to be singing. 

“Where there is a strong will, there is a way,” Sakura sang, silencing the cries of the crowd. “With the Will of Fire, what do we fear at all? Nothing in the world shall threaten us.”

Slowly, the ninja of the Hidden Leaf followed her lead, singing the words in time with Sakura. Kakashi joined in as well, tightening his hold on her.

“Never fear, never despair.”

Even Sasuke, who had stayed discreet at Gaara’s side under the leers of the crowd, began singing. Like everyone around him, his chest swelled with air as his voice boomed and sang proudly, wholeheartedly. 

As they heard Sasuke’s voice join theirs, Gaara could see the people on Sasuke’s side scowling at him. 

“Go on until the very end. Instead of surviving shamefully, fall admirably, brave and strong.”

Never before had Gaara wished to know the lyrics of a song so much. 

“For the Will of Fire will burn brighter thanks to you.”

Feeling the beat die down, Gaara inhaled deeply before he shouted, “Dattebayo!”

“Dattebayo!” the crowd echoed.

\---


	6. Chapter 6

Comforted by Kakashi’s warmth, Sakura sighed as she stared up at the stars. From the position of the moon, she could tell it was well past two in the morning. Shivering faintly, she snuggled closer to him and tucked her head under his chin. It was officially spring now that April had started, but the chill in the wind was slow to warm up.

“Can’t sleep?”

Sakura nuzzled his neck, enjoying the warmth that the friction created on her cheek. “Yeah.”

“You should try anyway. Crossing the mountains to Iwa won’t be an easy task,” Kakashi whispered while one of his hands rubbed her back.

“It’s not like I mean to stay awake,” Sakura grumbled as she pulled back to watch his face. His eyes were watching her, relaxed. “You’re awake too, anyway.”

“You kept me awake.” After glancing around them, Kakashi pulled his mask down. “You keep squirming around.”

“I think it has to do with how quiet the woods are,” Sakura sighed, running her fingers along his jaw. “It’s been a week and we’ve barely heard a peep.”

Kakashi lowered his lips to hers, placing small pecks on them as he held her closer. Sakura felt the muscles in her neck soften and her head tilted back as she responded to Kakashi’s affectionate kisses in the same manner.

Wrapped in their single sleeping bag, it was a given that they would have to squeeze together for space, but Sakura scooted a little closer nonetheless to tangle her legs with Kakashi’s and pressed her chest to his. Under the fingers she had placed on his neck, she could feel his heart beating, strong and steady.

Against her lips, his own stretched into a smile. One of his hands came up to cup her cheek, his thumb caressing the skin with slow, gentle brushes.

For a while, Sakura remained still, simply watching Kakashi’s quiet eyes looking back into hers. 

“You know what I miss?” Sakura whispered, tugging at his sweater.

“A bed?”

Sakura shook her head, grinning. “Regular showers. You smell!”

“You think you’re any better?” Kakashi chuckled, raising one eyebrow.

“I know I am,” Sakura said while she pushed him away, a playful glint in her eyes.

Kakashi took part in her little game, wrestling silently with her in the limited space they had, until he’d had enough and trapped her in a strong embrace. Again, he kissed her and Sakura’s struggle died down as he applied more pressure, moving his lips against hers with more insistence. 

When Kakashi pulled away, Sakura extended her neck to follow his lips.

“This is quite a mess we’re in, hm?” Kakashi sighed, pressing his forehead against hers.

Sakura inhaled slowly before expelling the air in a soft sigh. 

“I know,” she whispered slowly, snuggling closer to him while her eyes slid shut. “But we’re gonna find a way to fix it all, right? We’ll have a village again soon, like before.”

“We will,” Kakashi said, two fingers tilting her chin up.

Ever so faintly, he brushed his lips against hers, holding her tight against him as they waited for the night to end.

\---

Climbing the mountains of Rock proved to be a daunting task, as Kakashi had predicted. Until recently, the effects of malnourishment had been minimal, but now Sakura could feel the full force of it. Well-fed and in her usual condition, gluing her feet to the steep wall of a mountain demanded only a small portion of her chakra reserves. In her current state, though, it used up a much larger chunk and Sakura knew they would have to choose safer paths soon if they didn’t want to fall down the distance they had already climbed.

Sakura halted her steps, muscles jumping as an open hand appeared inches from her face. A glance up allowed her to see it belonged to Sasuke. A little higher, above a flat rock a few meters high, she could see the others already standing and waiting for her.

“You’re slow,” Sasuke said. “Take my hand.”

Pursing her lips, Sakura obeyed, lacking the energy to bicker. He was right. As soon as her palm brushed his, his fingers closed around it and he hauled her up with him as he leapt to the small, leveled part of the mountain. 

“We’ll scout ahead a little,” Kakashi said. “You two rest a bit while we find a safe route.”

As he turned to walk away, Sakura was tempted to follow, but the dismissive smile Kakashi gave her stilled her movements. She was slowing them down too much and they needed to find a safer path for her. In bitter silence, she watched as the rest of the group left, splitting each in their own direction.

“Sakura.”

“Hm?” Sakura turned around to look at Sasuke again, only to find him offering her a piece of beef jerky. “That’s yours.”

“You look like you’ll faint,” Sasuke sighed as he placed the meat in her hand. “Just eat it.”

For a second, Sakura inspected the dried beef before she shoved it back in Sasuke’s hands and jogged to the edge of the rock, feeling the telltale churn of the stomach and the accumulating saliva in the back of her throat. Soon enough, the remnants of her previous meal splattered down on a rock several meters below. Sakura winced at the sight and refused to face Sasuke again just yet. 

“You didn’t push yourself that hard,” she heard him say. “Are you sick?”

“Just a stomach bug,” Sakura muttered as she wiped her mouth.

When she finally did decide to turn around, Sasuke’s eyes were still trained on her. Quietly, he walked towards her and she felt her thighs and abdomen tighten as she watched him. Once he was close enough, he stopped and looked down at her. If it hadn’t been for the fall awaiting her if she took one too many steps back, Sakura would have moved away.

“You need to tell me if something is wrong,” Sasuke said firmly, hands resting in his pockets.

Sakura scoffed, eyes narrowing. “I’m the medic. I can handle myself.”

“We found a safe way.”

Recognizing Kakashi’s voice, Sakura’s head jerked up to look at him. Nodding, she headed towards him, bumping her shoulder into Sasuke’s as she walked past him. 

“Let’s go then.”

\---

Reaching the top of the mountain had left Sakura breathless. For one, the hike had been an excruciating two and a half days long. For two, the view on Earth Country. The pretty sights weren’t lacking in Sakura’s memories, but the mountains of Earth were something else entirely. Atop the highest one, the horizon was filled with only more rock, a sea of nothing but more mountains of which the tips reminded her of a needle bed. 

“You’re alright to go down, Sakura?” Kakashi asked, turning his head towards her from where he stood at the edge of the cliff.

They’d found a ledge that slanted down in a near perfect vertical line. Using chakra to run down its wall, they would reach the halfway point to the bottom within a few minutes. Sakura looked down again, trying to measure the distance to the next flat bed of rocks before she nodded.

“Yeah, it should be no big deal,” Sakura answered.

“Well, off we go then!” Suigetsu cheered as he ran past her and right down the cliff, shouting in excitement as he zoomed down. 

Sakura bit back a smirk and followed, sucking on the inside of her bottom lip as adrenaline rushed through her system and made her heart pump. Gravity did most of the work for her, accelerating her pace considerably with each second that passed. Just when a sound of exhilaration built in the back of her throat, Sakura felt her foot slip off the surface, the chakra under it vanishing.

Eyes widening as she realized she really was falling, Sakura gasped and flipped in mid-air. “Kakashi!”

Immediately, Kakashi’s hand closed around her left wrist while Sasuke’s fingers grabbed her right. When they finally slowed to a stop, they pulled her up between them so Kakashi could take her in his arms. 

“What happened?” Kakashi rasped as he cradled her head with one hand. Sakura winced as his fingers pulled at the knots in her hair. “You said you were fine!”

Sakura’s eyes wandered down, where Suigetsu was standing and flailing his arms, screaming something she couldn’t understand over the sound of her erratic heartbeat. 

Kakashi tugged at her hair to get her attention. “Tell me what happened!”

Blinking quickly, Sakura tried to refocus her attention on him, feeling guilt nip at her as she noted the panic in his eyes.

“I don’t know,” she breathed out. “I just lost control of my chakra for a second.”

“You lost control of it?” Sasuke asked incredulously. 

Sakura remained silent, staring at Kakashi’s dirty flak jacket to try and ignore the shame that washed over her.

“I’ll carry her,” Sasuke finally said. “I have the most chakra left so her weight won’t be too much of a burden to me.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Kakashi helped Sasuke place Sakura on his back. Biting the inside of her cheek, Sakura wrapped her arms around Sasuke’s neck while he took hold of her legs. Being passed around like a fragile doll at her age was deplorable. 

Even when they had reached Suigetsu, Sasuke didn’t let her down. Instead, he carried her while he walked on the slanted path that Sai, Juugo and the others were following a few feet ahead of them.

\---

By the time the sun was setting, Sakura was still resting on Sasuke’s back. The others had gone off ahead, jumping down large distances to search for a spot to settle down for the night. In the meantime, Sasuke walked, using only the paths that were safe to use without chakra since he was running low. 

No matter how many times he said he was fine, Sakura was convinced otherwise by the sweat she could see trickling down the back of his neck. Wincing as some of his hair tickled her cheek, she sighed and placed her chin on his shoulder. 

“You need to eat more,” Sasuke said when the rest of their group was out of their sight.

Sakura only grunted in response. When one of his feet slipped, her chest hit his back roughly and she whimpered, surprised by the pain that shot through one of her breasts. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, shifting her weight to the other side of her body. “You should let me down.”

Sasuke only hummed in annoyance and kept walking.

Soon enough, his steps came to a halt and Sakura raised her eyes off the ground to see the reason why. At the sight of more cocoons, her stomach dropped and she sighed, pressing her forehead on Sasuke’s shoulder. “More of them.”

“It seems so,” Sasuke replied, adjusting his grip on her as his fingers became too slippery.

“There are none of them inside the cave,” Sai said as he emerged from the opening of a tunnel. Sakura’s head shot up. “Only outside.”

Kakashi dropped down from a ledge above him and nodded. “The situation is the same in the upper level.”

Slowly, Sakura’s lips stretched in a bright smile. “That means there’s survivors.”

“Almost certainly.” Kakashi nodded.

A short laugh escaped Sakura’s throat, the joy swelling in her chest making her forget the dread that had overwhelmed her seconds before.

\---

When Iwagakure finally came into sight, Sakura couldn’t help herself. In the large distance from the mountains to the village, they had not found a single survivor, which hinted that they had most likely gathered at their home once they had come out of the tunnels. Biting her lip in anticipation, Sakura started jogging, accelerating gradually unconsciously. Behind her, she could feel everyone follow and the air took on the feel of their impatience.

As she set foot through the gate, Sakura lips twitched into a smile. 

“Is someone there?” she shouted, hands cupped around her mouth to help her voice reach further. “We’re here to help! Come out!”

Seconds later, her eyes widened as several doors opened. With every new door that opened, Sakura’s chest swelled greatly as she inhaled sharply, mouth agape as she remained silent. As dozens of people poured out of the buildings, her whole body trembled and a relieved chuckle left her lips.

Whispers rose from the newly formed crowd and the sound might as well have been a miracle to Sakura’s ears. Kakashi’s hand landed on her shoulder as he stood at her side. Looking up at him through tearful eyes, she beamed, and his broad smile only made her grin bigger. Sakura turned back towards the rest of the group, giggling like a little girl when she saw the awe in the rest of the groups’ eyes, even Sasuke’s and Sai’s.

There was still hope, for every one of them. Life could become normal again. 

“Are you alone?” a man breathed out as he stepped forward, twisting his hands.

Sakura blinked while Kakashi nodded.

“Were you expecting anyone else?” he asked.

“We…” The man hesitated and lowered his head. “We haven’t heard of a single ninja since they left for war. Not even Tsuchikage-sama.”

Immediately, the air weighed down on Sakura’s shoulders as her sight filled with the darkening faces of the civilians. All around, some of them broke into sobs and called for the names of those they longed to see return home.

“Not a single one?” Kakashi’s pale eyebrows bunched together. “They left the battlefield over a month ago.”

“They should have been here within two weeks,” Sasuke pointed out as he stood by her. “Something must have happened to them on the way here.”

“Then…” The man paused, wringing his hands harder as tears gathered in his eyes. “You’re not here to escort them?”

When Kakashi and Sakura remained silent, Sasuke stepped forward, emanating all the confidence and calm they couldn’t. 

“No,” he answered sharply. “We come from Konoha to gather any surviving civilians.”

“What happened out there?” another shouted, shoving through the crowd to face Sasuke. “What are these cocoons and why were people just standing there like they were hypnotized?”

Never letting his strict facade crack, Sasuke explained what they understood of the Infinite Tsukuyomi as well as the outcome of the war. As much as they could, the survivors of Iwa rejoiced that they were no longer in danger, but the mystery surrounding their fellow villagers drowned most of their joyful expressions

“Why are you here, then?” a woman asked, cradling her baby tighter to her body as she frowned. “If you aren’t bringing my husband back, what do you want from us?”

“We are here to take you back to Konoha,” Sasuke said, unaffected by the angry whispers and scowls that erupted. “As agreed before we left the battlefield, we are regrouping in Konoha and taking everyone we find there. Suna has already joined us.”

\---

If Kakashi’s count was right, the number of survivors from Iwa amounted up to about four hundred. Although the task of escorting them all home had first seemed impossible, it turned out to be quite the opposite. The vast majority of them were miners and knew their way around the mountains like the back of their hand. Even convincing them to follow them back to Konoha had been effortless as their food reserves had been running low and their fear high. The precious minerals they had found would be more useful than they could imagine.

Even while in the tunnels of the border mountain, the civilians had agreed to work to gather resources that would be invaluable to Konoha. While Kakashi sealed the last of what they had mined and that the carts couldn’t carry in a scroll, Sakura ventured a little further in the tunnel.

Just a small distance away, Sakura couldn’t take a step further as the smell that invaded her nose made her gag. Clamping a hand over her nose, Sakura turned away as she bent down to throw up yet another meal.

“Kakashi-sensei!” 

Kakashi didn’t take long to follow her. 

“I know,” he’d said callously, having no doubt smelled it long before her. “We’ll need to find another path.”

Just as quietly, he retreated back towards the miners who hadn’t yet seen the horror that laid ahead. Although he had tried to save them from the horrendous sight, they nonetheless walked past him, ignoring his warning.

“I’m sorry,” Sai whispered as he stood by her, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Tears welled up in Sakura’s eyes as they were unable to look away. Several meters ahead, barely visible under the meager light of their torches, she could see a pile of dead bodies. From the wide open eyes and the broken pieces of the carts that the Rock survivors had used to carry them, Sakura recognized the sleepers. Some of them were buried under the rocks, where a wall had collapsed, while others had simply rotted, exposed. Some of the corpses also wore headbands, letting her know not only the sleepers had perished in the disaster.

“Hayate-kun!” 

A woman ran past them, clutching her baby as she dropped to her knees by a corpse that bore heavy evidence of its advanced decay. Easily, Sakura recognized her as the woman who had asked them why they had come all the way to Iwa if not to bring back her husband.

“Hayate!” she wailed, balancing the baby in one of her arms so she could brush the corpse’s long hair away from his face. Immediately, she sobbed louder and jerked her hand away. “You can’t die, please!”

Closing her eyes to hold back her tears, Sakura could hear the others leaving, but she didn’t move. 

Not until Sasuke’s hand grabbed her arm and pulled her with him. 

“We found more, in another tunnel,” he said quietly. “We’re taking a different route.”

“More of them?” Sakura gasped, tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried in vain to free her arm from Sasuke’s grasp. “Another collapse?”

Sasuke sighed and tugged at her arm to force her to follow his pace. “No, it seems they got lost in the tunnels and died of dehydration. They didn’t have enough resources to make it back to start with.”

Sakura’s heels dug in the ground and she stopped. 

Sasuke turned around to face her, eyes harsh as he frowned. “We need to go.”

“They all died then? All of them?” Sakura whispered, arms dropping limp at her side. “That’s why none of the civilians had seen a ninja before us.”

Unable to hold it back, Sakura choked out a sob and covered her mouth with her palm, giving up on retaining her composure.

“Sakura.”

Sakura ignored his call, only crying louder as she imagined how much the Iwa nin had to suffer without ever having the opportunity to see their home again.

When Sasuke’s arm wrapped around her, Sakura jumped, suddenly mute. 

“Get a hold of yourself, Sakura,” he whispered. “The civilians need your help.”

Swallowing the last of her sobs, Sakura nodded and followed him, looking ahead to where Kakashi waited for them, exhaustion evident in his every feature, from his dark eyes to his sloppy posture.

“Are you okay?” he asked when they walked with him. 

Sakura forced a nod, lips pursed tightly as she bit back another sob. “I’ll be fine.”

\---

Knowing that they were so close to Konoha and hadn’t lost a single survivor on the way brought a big smile to Sakura’s lips as she walked through the ragtag camp they had set up for the night. Although she could see the relief on the civilians’ faces, the pain behind it was just as obvious. Trying to comfort herself, she thought of how they would be safe and much better off in Konoha than in Iwa.

April was almost over and May was just around the corner, already announcing itself with the sudden hike in temperature that was all too welcomed by everyone. 

Looking up at the moon, Sakura’s lips twisted in a half-hearted smile. Two whole months had passed since the end of the war. Time had flown by. Oddly enough, a new routine was settling in and life gradually felt normal again. Adapting to change so quickly, seemingly a given trait to humans, was both a gift and a curse. Guilt would always nip at her, scolding her for never spending enough time mourning and hurting for what had been lost. 

A quick flash of Naruto smiling or being his usual buffoon self was always her mind’s first punishment for being so selfish. If it wasn’t enough, then she would remember Ino’s heart wrenching cries as she mourned her sensei. 

Most of all, the backlash of her inner self came when she forgot that her parents had perished as well. 

Sighing, Sakura looked up at the moon. It was getting late, and she was only all too happy that summer was close. She was tired of the latent spring cold. Grinning to herself, Sakura realized that it meant two months had passed by since she had lost her virginity. 

And lost it to no one else than Kakashi.

\---

“No sixes, eh?”

Kakashi’s eyes were unfocused, his mind certainly distracted by the abundance of dangers and tension surrounding them. The real battle of this war would break out tomorrow. As far as Sakura knew, tonight might be her last night in this world, but the thought worried her little. With her sensei at her side, keeping her mind focused, she could set aside the fear and sins she knew would come.

“Go fish,” Kakashi said, smiling back at her.

Without a word, Sakura picked a new card from the pile. A four of hearts.

“Threes?” he asked.

A quick scan of her cards revealed she had two of them. The heart and the spade.

“Guess what one of them is,” Sakura said, glancing at him with a weak grin.

Under his gaze, she could feel her heart’s pace picking ever so slightly. As unreadable as his eye was to anyone else, she could see through it, and he could see through hers without a doubt.

“The one on your left is the heart,” he answered, watching her.

Sakura’s lips stretched in a shy smile as she stood on her knees, crossing the small distance to stand before her friend. “A three of hearts for your mask.”

“A three of hearts for my mask,” he said with nod, lowering his mask.

In the same way she couldn’t tear her eyes from his, his eye remained locked with hers while he exposed his skin only for her view.

Swallowing the last of her hesitance, she pushed the hand that held his cards away so she could sit in his lap and wrap her arms around his neck, keeping her own cards hidden behind his head.

Kakashi didn’t protest. Just as quietly and soundlessly, his hands moved to rest on her thighs, leaving the cards forgotten on the floor.

“What about the other one?” Sakura asked as she tilted her head, peeking at the card from the side of his head.

Innocently, she had leaned forward an inch more, crossing the friendly distance between their lips into intimate territory.

“The three of spades,” he said, still as a statue, awaiting his cue.

Sakura nodded, letting the cards slip through her fingers so she could ghost them over his neck. “That one’s gonna cost you.”

“I think we knew that before you even set foot in my tent, Sakura.”

The grin on his lips sealed what was already a done deal. Carefully, Sakura pressed her lips to his, heart leaping into her throat when she felt him respond. So that was what all the rave was about.

“Let me,” Kakashi whispered, cupping both her cheeks to still her clumsy movements.

Sakura’s cheeks burned, but she obeyed in silence, reassured by the perfect calm Kakashi’s eye showed. Ever so slowly, he caught her lips between his, giving her a moment to savor the kiss before he pressed his thumb to her cheek to make her part her lips a little more.

Startled by the unusual sensation, Sakura flinched when his tongue brushed against her lip, but his hands prevented her from moving away. Ignoring her insignificant hesitance, he let his tongue rub against hers, teaching it its new dance with a soothing gentleness.

Instinctively, her hands reached for his, demanding their support as foreign sensations assaulted her belly. A soft whimper escaped her throat and immediately she could feel him smirk against her lips.

“Do I need another card to take off that jacket?” he asked, tone light and joking, as he freed one of his hands so he could play with the zipper of her flak jacket.

“We can figure that out later,” Sakura whispered, unable to keep the blood from rushing to her face.

Needing no more encouragement, his fingers pulled the zipper down, eyes watching her own carefully for any sign of fear.

She’d just undressed in front of him a few hours prior. Did he really expect her to be a sissy now?

As soon as the first garment was removed, his movements lost some of their patience and courtesy. The sweater was gone quickly enough, leaving her in only her mesh shirt and bindings when he embraced her and pressed her body against his torso. On her chest, she could feel his breath fan out, heavier and faster than usual.

When she didn’t act, Kakashi resumed undressing her, removing her shirt and bindings with precise and confident tugs and pulls.

Once her breasts were finally free, they paused, eyeing each other before they came to a silent agreement. Quickly, his mouth caught one of her nipples and suckled, causing her to jerk in her lover’s arms, squealing at the jolt of electricity that ran through her nerves and made her arch her back.

“Calm down,” Kakashi chastised while he nipped at her breast.

Sakura, quivering slightly in his hold, did her best to obey.

While he switched his attention to her other nipple, sucking on it hard enough to tear a whimper from her throat, he removed his jacket. His mouth relented only when he had to pull his sweater and undershirt over his head, leaving him in the same state of undress she was in.

“Lie down,” he rasped.

Swallowing hard, Sakura obeyed once more, lying on her back in front of him and bringing her fidgeting fingers to cover her lips.

Certainly knowing better than to pay attention to her timid antics, Kakashi hovered over her to plant a series of open-mouthed kisses from her neck down to the waistband of her pants, sparing her a smoldering look before he tugged at them mercilessly, taking her underwear with them without giving her a second to protest.

When his lips connected with her sex, Sakura’s limbs jumped once more, her hands immediately grabbing fistfuls of his hair, seemingly pulling too hard at it if she could trust his grunt. “Wait!”

“Cut the bullshit, Sakura,” Kakashi growled, resuming his action.

Sakura relaxed her limbs, letting them fall back on the ground with an indignant scoff. Though when his tongue rubbed a slow circle on her clit, she bit her lip, thighs jerking as heat flared in her lower abdomen. It wasn’t long before one of his fingers joined his teasing, brushing against her moist lips, testing.

For a second, he removed his mouth from her, and Sakura’s head shot up to see what was wrong, only to catch him sucking on his finger before he leaned down again. Sakura inhaled sharply, bracing herself for what she knew was about to happen. Just as planned, his finger pushed against her entrance, inching into her slowly and carefully, retracting and moving forth again a few times when the lubrication was lacking.

After a few seconds of watching the ceiling of his tent and wincing at the discomfort, she bit her lip, finally feeling more of the electricity coursing through her nerves when he rubbed against just the perfect spot.

Seemingly happy with the rhythm he’d set with his hand, his attention refocused on his tongue and it restarted moving with the same intent.

Sakura’s stomach clenched and she groaned, tugging at handfuls of his hair again when a wave of pleasure made her shut her eyes. “Oh geez.”

“Do that again,” Kakashi breathed between her thighs, raising another wave with his voice alone.

Cheeks reddening again, Sakura turned her head to the side, watching the abandoned deck of cards as a series of small whimpers escaped against her will.

Without warning, he pulled away and sat on his heels, undoing the knot of his pants with obvious impatience. Sakura grit her teeth again, though she didn’t stop watching him. The moment he was naked, his hands spread her thighs wider and he settled between them, disregarding their resistance.

When her arms reached for him and her eyes met his, he complied, offering her the comfort and sympathy he had denied her all along. With his forehead against hers, Sakura could stare into his eyes, drawing from them the calm and warmth they expressed.

The moment she felt him prod at her entrance, Sakura trembled under Kakashi, eyes searching his for support and jaw clenching in anticipation. Though he did not stop, his palm cupped her cheek, his thumb stroking the soft flesh.

“Kakashi-sensei,” she whimpered when he stretched her, making her wince in discomfort.

“Shh, Sakura,” he breathed against her lips, offering only his gaze’s reassurance.

With a nod, she drew in another breath, relaxing under his body, just now noticing how much larger than her he was. He pushed his hips into hers a little more and she expelled the breath she’d just taken, hands reaching up to grip his biceps.

There, it was done.

Just as slowly, he pulled away, only to plunge back in her, repeating the motion a few times and picking up speed with every thrust.

Sakura’s body jerked a few more times under his, needing time to adjust to him. Biting her lip against the discomfort, she turned her head towards the deck of cards again, chuckling internally when she saw the three of clubs had been blown off the top to the side.

“Don’t look away,” Kakashi demanded, cupping her cheek again to bring her eyes back towards his.

Obediently, Sakura nodded, shifting her focus back to the feel of him inside of her, causing her thighs to quiver when a surprise warmth collected around her clit.

Above her, Kakashi was panting, small grunts coming from his throat with every few thrusts.

His pace was still accelerating, but now she could feel an enticing sensation every time he pushed back into her and she whimpered, closing her eyes.

“Fuck,” he groaned, thrusting particularly hard.

Roughly, he pressed urgent kisses to her neck while his hands gripped her hips harder, guiding them into his own rhythm.

“Kakashi!” she moaned when her insides clenched again with the pleasure she was still growing accustomed to.

She could feel him twitch inside of her when she moaned, distracting her with surprise for a second, though his strained breaths at her neck were quick to reignite the flame in her belly.

In the blink of an eye, he was kissing her again, stealing her breath away as well as another moan. Kakashi himself wasn’t so silent anymore, groaning in her mouth as his thrusting became erratic and stronger.

After one long grunt, he stilled, hovering above her as he took a moment to catch his breath.

Tentatively, Sakura cupped his cheeks with her palms in the same manner he had done for her, tilting his head back so she could observe his exposed face. With a small, shy smile spreading on her lips, she raised her head, placing a kiss on his still parted mouth. Following her lead, he drew her into his arms as he lied down his side, allowing her to feel the hectic beating of his heart.

\---

Broken from her reverie, Sakura bit back a groan as she remembered her period was due around the beginning of the month. With the lack of proper showers as it was, she was in no way enthusiastic about being bloody for a week and having very few means of keeping herself clean.

Suddenly, Sakura’s eyes widened.

Two months since the start of the war.

Two months.

Her last period had been a week after the war. Jaw slack, Sakura dropped in a sitting position. The heartburn, the nausea, vomiting over nothing, the tenderness in her breasts… The loss of control of her chakra.

She was pregnant.

\---

As soon as Sakura had understood that her realization was in no way a dream, was true, she had fled from the camp to go hide in the woods. It was impossible. Tsunade had told her herself that she would be unable to get pregnant due to the injuries Sasori had inflicted on her. Even while fighting Madara, she had been stabbed through the abdomen twice again, only adding to it. Still, Sakura could not deny the evidence and had to pin it to some godly intervention -- or rather, a devil’s doing. 

Before long, Sasuke appeared between the trees while Sakura sobbed into her hands. 

“Go away,” she choked out, turning her head away from him so he wouldn’t see her face.

Still, Sasuke walked until he stood before her and he held his hand out for her to take. Sakura didn’t move, refusing to look at him or obey him.

“Sakura,” he called gently. “Stand up.”

Sighing, she took his hand, letting him haul up the immense weight that rested on her whole body for her. 

“You really are pregnant, aren’t you?”

Sakura gasped and stared into his dark, impassive eyes, unable to say a word.

Rolling his eyes, he sighed. “I can put two and two together. You’ve been showing several symptoms.”

Sakura swallowed hard as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks and she bit her lip.

Sasuke only stood there for a little while, listening to her as she cried. When he placed his hand on her shoulder, Sakura held her breath and raised her gaze to his again, surprised by the warmth she found in his eyes

“You need to stop crying.”

Sakura chuckled weakly and rubbed her eyes with her sleeves. 

When her face was dry, Sasuke pulled a card from his pocket and handed it over to it. Taking it between her fingers, Sakura saw it was the queen of hearts. Frowning, she glanced back up at Sasuke. 

“If you’ll stop crying and it makes you feel better,” he started slowly, resting his hands inside of his pockets. “I’ll tell everyone I’m the father.”

Sakura’s eyes widened as she understood the underlying meaning behind his words and actions. “You know about that, too?”

“Did you think you were being subtle?”

Wincing, Sakura pulled her shoulders towards her body and stared at the ground. When he didn’t say more, she spoke again. “You don’t have anything to say about it?”

“It’s not my place,” he said calmly.

After a moment, Sakura expelled the breath she had been holding. Hesitant, she drew him in a tight embrace and rested her cheek against his chest. His broad shoulders and hard chest were still alien to her. Even the feel of his skin, far too soft for someone so harsh, was something she couldn’t get used to. Slowly, he removed his hands from his pockets and his arms wrapped around her and he held her tightly. Sakura smiled against his shirt, realizing it was probably the first time he gave her a true and heartfelt hug.

For once, the constant threat she had felt in his presence vanished and she relaxed in his embrace. 

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun.”

\---


	7. King of Hearts

Kakashi smiled raucously at Sakura next to him. "I believe that eight of spades belongs to me."

A card flew at him like a kunai, aimed straight between his eyes, followed by a muttered curse. Kakashi caught the card between two fingers just before it touched his forehead and nonchalantly flipped it into his hand, laying out his cards in a familiar formation in front of him.

Sakura didn't even wait for him to finish before chucking the rest of her hand at him, the four of diamonds and ace of clubs flipping wrong side up on top of the pile. "You're disgusting, you know that?"

"I've been told once or twice."

Kakashi took another drag from his cup of rice wine. A stash had been located and quickly misappropriated; occasionally, it did pay off to be high ranking with friends like the Hokage and Kazekage. It wasn't food, so he didn't even feel guilty. After the day he'd had -- his hands shook as he collected the deck of cards -- Kakashi was being a bit liberal with the bottle. He wasn't the only one; the Kazekage himself was swaying gently in his seat across the large bonfire, and if he began to fall too far in one direction, his sand propped him up. Sakura, on the other hand, hadn't had a drop.

"You're being such a spoilsport, Forehead," Ino purred in her rough voice, draping herself over Sakura from behind before plopping down between Sakura and Sasuke. "Always sitting in a corner playing cards with your boring old sensei."

"I like playing cards!" Sakura protested. "And he's not that boring. Usually."

Kakashi slowly traced the line of her jaw with the edge of the king of hearts. "Do I truly bore you, Sakura-chan?"

There was warmth behind her smile as Sakura toyed with the card between his fingers. "You have your moments. I guess."

Ino narrowed her eyes, looking between them with a new keenness, so Kakashi withdrew his hand, tucking the card back into the deck.

"They play cards almost every night," Sai said from Kakashi's right, smiling in the earnest way that meant he thought he was being helpful. "Usually together."

"Every night, eh? Usually together?" Kakashi caught Sakura's eye and grinned slyly. "Been going solo, Sakura-chan? Suddenly I'm interested."

"A game of cards is a nice way to relax," Sakura said, spreading out her legs so her ankle brushed his deliberately. "Even solitaire."

Kakashi tucked the deck of cards back into his flak jacket pocket. "But it's never as fun to play alone, am I right?"

Batting her eyelashes at him playfully, she simpered. "You're always right, Kakashi-sensei."

“Ah, so you have learned something from me.”

"Sooooo boring," whined Ino, throwing an arm around Sakura's shoulders. "Do you guys seriously sit around talking about solitaire? I don't even know how to play solitaire!"

"How unfortunate," Kakashi said as sincerely as he could muster, as if he was offering condolences after grave news. "I bet I know someone willing to teach you. Several someones, probably."

Though she boxed his ears in scolding, Sakura couldn't help but laugh. "You're drunk, Kakashi."

"And you aren't," he returned, raising his glass in a toast to her.

"He's right, you know," Ino accused as if Sakura had committed some sort of crime.

“Didn’t you listen? I’m always right.”

Ino ignored Kakashi, waving her cup in front of Sakura's nose. "You love sake. It's nice, see?"

Sakura turned her head away in a jerking motion. "No thanks, Pig."

Frowning, Ino stared intently, as if something in Sakura’s face would give her the answer she was looking for. “But –"

“Sakura doesn’t drink that brand of sake anymore,” Sasuke said suddenly, though he hadn’t spoken in quite some time.

“Why would the brand matter?” Ino said suspiciously, but took her cup back, sipping it.

Sasuke shrugged. “When we were twelve, Naruto stole a bottle just like it and we drank so much Sakura turned green. She hasn’t liked it since then.”

Ino turned to Sakura, eyebrows raised practically to her hairline.

“Sick as a dog,” Sakura confirmed sheepishly.

“If I recall correctly,” Kakashi said, “there were two pale, sweaty little faces at training the next day, not just one. Naruto was dancing circles around you two.”

Sakura swiveled her head towards him, aghast. “You knew about that?”

“How could I forget Sasuke-chan’s first hangover? It was so cute, watching him pretend he trained too hard when he threw up in the bushes.” Kakashi’s lazy grin only grew wider at drawing a rare blush from a tipsy Sasuke. “Besides, I know everything.”

The amusement fled Sasuke’s eyes and they were suddenly very piercing, flickering flames reflected in their black depths as he stared at Kakashi. “You don’t know everything.”

Quickly enough to startle Kakashi, Sakura turned and kicked Sasuke in the shin. “Shut up.”

Sasuke backed down, turning back to stare into the fire.

Ino, having just narrowly missed being kicked herself, stood up shakily. “The vibe is seriously weird over here. I’m sure Lee-kun is missing me, so…”

Without so much as a goodbye – not that she’d said hello, either – Ino was gone.

“Haha, you threw up in the bushes,” Suigetsu snickered, delayed. “What a dork.”

Suigetsu was a lazy, quiet drunk, and Kakashi had to admit it was a nice change.

“So you shared things like that with that guy? Naruto? The one everyone’s always afraid to talk about? I didn’t know you knew him like that.”

Kakashi closed his eyes. For just a second – a minute, maybe – he had managed to forget, to just think about Naruto and remember his antics and laugh.

“They were best friends,” Sakura said harshly. “The best of friends.”

“Huh. I thought they kept trying to kill each other or something like that,” Suigetsu said, taking another swig. “Bummer. I thought I was only against Juugo for Sasuke’s best friend, and obviously I beat him. But we can’t compete against a dead guy, can we? It’s not fair.”

Without a word, Sai stood up and stalked away.

Sakura sighed. “Now look what you’ve done.”

Farther to Kakashi’s right, Yamato, who had been napping quietly but apparently awoken, pulled himself to his feet. “I’ll go. It’s all right.”

“Thanks,” Sakura, said, relaxing as Yamato went after Sai.

The sake suddenly tasted sour on Kakashi’s tongue. He set his cup aside and stood up as well, offering Sakura a hand up. She took it, her eyes questioning.

“I don’t feel like playing solitaire tonight,” he murmured into her ear.

Face still pinched after the mention of Naruto, she nodded and followed him after a quick wave goodbye to the others scattered around the large fire.

As they were leaving, Kakashi heard Suigetsu say, “That chick was right. Seriously weird.”

On their way back, a beam of moonlight slatted across Sakura’s face, and Kakashi noticed that she looked a bit grey around the gills – but perhaps it was an illusion after leaving the orange glow of the flames.

“You all right?” He paused in front of his tent, passing a hand through her loose locks. They were still slightly damp and curly after an earlier bath he vaguely wished he could have witnessed, but Kakashi ignored that and laid his palm on the back of her neck.

She leaned into his touch, laying her hand on his bicep and closing her eyes. “I think so.”

Kakashi frowned at the equivocal answer, but leaned down and opened the tent flap for her anyway. She crawled inside, and Kakashi nearly disregarded his worries as she wiggled her bottom, spreading out his blankets neatly.

“I know how to cheer you up,” he growled, forgetting himself, and suddenly, he was on top of her, mask down, laving his tongue down her neck.

She arched underneath him, responding, and when he brought his lips to hers, she kissed him back. It wasn’t long before his hardened shaft was pressed between her legs, demanding attention, having been neglected far too long – since the night of the funeral, in fact, though they hadn’t said the word “funeral” once. His hand snaked between their bodies to inch her pants down just enough to grant access – but when he touched her at the juncture of her thighs, she froze, stiff as a board.

Kakashi stopped, withdrawing to look at her in bewilderment. She wasn’t meeting his eyes.

“I guess I’m not in the mood,” she whispered. “Sorry.”

With a sigh he couldn’t repress, Kakashi flopped to the side on his back. “Something’s wrong.”

It was not a question this time, and she didn’t deny it.

“Do you remember that time,” she began, voice shaky, “when you said you’d feed a baby for me? Did you mean it, or were you just horny?”

“If you needed it,” Kakashi said carefully, this closed-off type of temper something he’d never seen in her before, “there aren’t many things I wouldn’t do for you.”

She covered her face with her palms, leaving her pants half down, chest rising and falling just a hair too rapidly.

“Sakura…”

“Don’t give me that bullshit about need.” There was suppressed anger, there, in her voice and in the heaving of her shoulders. “I’m asking what you want.”

Sitting up to look at her, Kakashi frowned deeply. “Do you think I don’t want you?”

Her fingers tightened around her forehead, knuckles whitening. “Everything turns back around to sex with you, doesn’t it?”

“You know it’s not like that,” Kakashi said, suddenly unsure and too aware of his lingering erection, willing it to deflate. “Don’t you?”

“I do. I’m sorry.” With growing alarm, Kakashi realized there were tears leaking from beneath the heels of her palms. “It’s just… What if I did ask you to feed a baby?”

“Then I would feed a baby.” Kakashi gently tugged her hands from her face and almost regretted it when she turned her anguished eyes on him. It felt like a jab to the abdomen. “Sakura. Sakura, please.”

“What if it was your baby?” Her voice was tiny; even in the quiet of the night and the still of the air inside the tent, Kakashi barely heard it.

“What?” He stared at her blankly, uncomprehending.

“Kakashi.” The tears were truly flowing now, dripping sideways down her cheeks, behind her ears, and onto his bedraggled blankets. “Kakashi, I think I’m pregnant.”

“But you can’t get pregnant.” It was the first thought that occurred to him and he said it without thinking, but he knew it was the wrong thing to say when her face crumpled.

“Ap-ap-apparently,” she spat out, quickly growing hysterical, “I can.”

Though numb with disbelief, Kakashi could still respond to her distress, gathering her in his arms and stroking her hair. “It’ll be all right. Shh.”

“You promised that before, on the roof of the hospital.” Her tone was quiet, soggy with emotion, but it cut like a knife. “How did that work out?”

“Sasuke is home,” Kakashi said in weak defense, stomach knotted and threatening to come back up his esophagus.

“And Naruto is dead.”

Kakashi’s arms tightened around her back so he feared he’d hurt her, but she didn’t object. He wasn’t sure whose shaking it was he felt – his, or hers.

“Oh, God. Naruto is dead. He’s really dead.”

She sobbed into Kakashi’s collarbone, reaching up to grip the back of his head, pulling his hair so hard it stung. He didn’t mind. It felt right.

“I’m so scared,” she whispered into his chin, squeezing her eyes shut.

“How sure are you?” His voice was ragged, pulse racing.

She sniffed and wiped her face on her sleeve, finally calming herself a little. “Pretty sure. But I think I should see Shizune tomorrow to confirm. I was hoping – that is to say, I think it would go over better if we did it together, but you don’t have to come if you don’t –”

“Of course,” Kakashi interrupted, pained by the surprise on her face. “Of course I’ll go.”

Though tear tracks still shone her cheeks, she gave a watery smile and leaned in, hesitating only a fraction of a second before touching her lips to his. At first, it was a chaste kiss, but soon deepened. She was on his lap proper now, all of the emotion that had spilled over just a moment before now focused in a new direction. When his cock twitched back to attention, unbidden, she wriggled against it, quickly working up a rhythm.

“We can give it another go if you want,” she breathed when they broke for air. “Sorry about before.”

“Are you sure?”

In spite of his words, his fingers were already unbuttoning her blouse, slipping inside her bra – or trying to, but there was no room for him, the cups overflowing. She winced, and he realized she must be too sensitive there. It hit him, for the first time, that she was actually pregnant, that this was real. His better judgment chided him, but as she rubbed along the length of him, it abandoned him entirely – as usual.

“Are you sure?” he repeated, but he was already lost, grinding his hips, lips seeking hers again.

“I don’t think I can get pregnant twice,” she said, wicked grin widening as she toyed with the tie of his pants.

He groaned into her mouth. “I thought I was the drunk one.”

She loosed the knot and her small, nimble hands sunk under the band. There was no more talking.

\---

 

Kakashi knelt in front of the cenotaph, sweat itching underneath his headband as the May sun beat down on his dark-colored clothing, tingling on the nape of his neck. He dare not take off his headband for relief, though. Not today. Not now.

Ya … ma … shi … ro … Ao .. ba.

The nail of Kakashi’s index finger cracked and bled, even encased in earth chakra as it was, as he used it to carve names into the memorial. Someone like Sakura, if she were adept at earth-based chakra, could likely channel through a tool with enough precision, but for Kakashi, this would have to do.

Though even Sakura probably couldn’t do it these days, what with the pregnancy interfering with her chakra flow at the most inconvenient of times. The reminder turned his stomach. Though she said to wait for Shizune and Tsunade-shishou to confirm – had laughed and said, It’s probably just stress. I’m hysterical. You’ll see – Kakashi knew better.

He should have seen it sooner; her strange behavior and distance from him all throughout the Rock mission was as plain as the nose on her face, in hindsight. If that wasn’t enough, the way she scrambled out of the tent this morning and upturned the meager contents of her stomach not three feet away was a pretty clear indication. After that, he had watched her dress silently, seen the way she dithered over her bra – off, and the flimsy white material of her shirt showed her darkening areolas and newly defined nipples in a way that was appealing to Kakashi but understandably less so to Sakura; on, and she hadn’t even finished pulling up her pants before cursing and throwing the thin, greying fabric across the tent and glaring at it fiercely. She ended up settling for stealing his leg bindings and loosely wrapping her chest with them. Each time she wound another layer around her, her full, heavy breasts swayed gently. The frayed bindings did little to contain them, but she seemed satisfied nonetheless.

Meet me at lunchtime, first shift? she’d said almost absentmindedly, halfway out of the tent, the day’s cares already lining her face. At the medical tents?

Yes, Sakura was as pregnant as a woman could get. However unanticipated this situation was, they were in it nonetheless.

“Hatake-sama? I’m sorry to bother you, but…”

Kakashi sighed and stood up, stretching the kinks from his back. “It was time for a break anyway.”

The young ninja – nervous, inexperienced with authority from the look of it – relaxed at Kakashi’s smile. “It’s just – it’s just that I heard you were compiling the names for the memorial, and my mother…”

“Did you personally see her body?” Kakashi’s voice took on a monotone as he repeated the rote questions he’d said so often lately.

The boy wrung his hands. “Well, no, but –”

“If anyone you know saw her body, please give me their names so that I may inquire further.”

“Well, you see, when we left, she was, ah, sleeping…” He scuffed his foot, looking down.

“We are categorizing any sleepers as missing in action until further notice,” Kakashi said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

The boy looked up -- he’d been in the Second Division, Kakashi thought, though he couldn’t recall a name -- with tears in his eyes. “Excuse me, sir, but you know she’s dead.”

Kakashi turned back to the stone.

“Probably,” he said, tired of giving the company line about policy and uncertainty in these dark times, however much Hyuuga Hiashi insisted that consistency was paramount. “But that’s how it is anyway.”

Kakashi wasn’t sure what he hated more, this reaction or the false hope that Ino and Lee’s return had brought some. Behind him, Kakashi heard the other ninja choke back a sob and then gather himself.

“I understand. Thank you.”

Without waiting for the boy to walk away, Kakashi beat him to it. His attachment to the memorial had become a curse. Just as his reasons for visiting -- Obito, Rin -- had become exceedingly complicated, the choice had been taken away from him. 

That's the place he was stuck, though. The menial duties assigned to most -- guarding the civilians and setting them to work, planning the construction of an earthen wall meant to stop the mysterious disappearance of food stores and other resources including civilians themselves, hewing wood for eventual buildings, and other things necessary to keep the camp running smoothly -- all of these were deemed beneath Kakashi, the leader of an extinct division in a long-dead alliance.

No one would listen to his protests that he was perfectly willing to do the same things as anyone else. Kakashi expected it from Hyuuga Hiashi, who had somehow insinuated himself into the new workings of Konoha as surely as a weed took root. The man had ever been concerned with appearances -- too concerned, in Kakashi's opinion. But even Tsunade waved Kakashi away, rasping, "Stop pretending to be someone you're not. It’s not fooling anyone."

So Kakashi was given projects: check up on this unit or that strange report and when there was no other busy work to keep him out of the way, conduct the endless interviews about who was in limbo and whose fate had been decided. The truth of the matter was that Kakashi lacked any useful skills outside of the shinobi realm; in absence of people to kill, he served no purpose.

That was why he was given the majority of the out of village missions, and Sasuke sent to tag along with him to get him out of Konoha's hair. In the field, Team Taka ruffled no feathers, consumed no rations, exacerbated no old tensions. Out of sight, out of mind. Sakura and Sai were, what -- Taka's babysitters, a concession to Kakashi, a little bit of both?

How long would that last, now that Sakura was pregnant?

Kakashi slowed as he neared the medical tents. Was he really ready for what was about to happen? What other choice did he have?

There were people walking briskly to and fro, presumably medics, though in modern times there were no uniforms to distinguish them. Others milled about, doing what, Kakashi had no idea. Perhaps they were patients, or perhaps they served some other purpose beyond Kakashi’s ken. The medical area was always bustling and always a mystery Kakashi would rather avoid, but he didn’t, today, looking around for a flash of pink.

What he saw first, however, was the white and red Uchiha fan. Sasuke's lithe frame was almost large enough to blot out Sakura’s entirely, but Kakashi would know her laugh anywhere. He walked forward in a way he knew would keep him blocked from view by the left tent, not sure why he wasn’t announcing his presence -- but he’d never seen Sakura smile at Sasuke like that, at least not since they were genin together, and Kakashi was suddenly curious.

“I thought for sure Kakashi would say it was shochu that made us sick that time,” Sakura was saying. “Thanks for covering for me. Ino can be kind of relentless.”

“I told you he doesn’t know everything,” Sasuke said, and laid hand on her shoulder. “Did you decide?”

Her smile faded. “I -- He said he was coming today. I think it’s for the best.”

“Coming to what, a doctor’s appointment? It’s going to be a lot more complicated than that. But you can’t go back.”

“I don’t want to hide, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura said. “I don’t see the point. It would come out in the end anyway, you know. The baby won’t have Sharingan.”

Sasuke shifted, letting his hand fall back to his side. “Is it really going to get that far? You might find more opposition than you think, in the short-term.”

“In the short-term…” Sakura’s mouth twisted into a thoughtful little moue. “I don’t think that changes what the right thing is, just because something is easier for now.”

With a nonchalant raise of his shoulders, Sasuke grunted. “As long as you stop crying.”

“I wonder how many people know you can be sweet like this, Sas --” She cut off mid-word, lips twitching into a smile. “Kakashi!”

Kakashi stepped forward, ignoring Sasuke’s burning gaze. “Not late, am I?”

“Only ten minutes,” she said, coming to meet him with a twinkle in her eye. “A record, I’d say. I’m impressed.”

“At least someone thinks I did something right today,” Kakashi said, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her away.

She looked a little surprised, eyeing where his hand was tucked into the curve of her hip, but didn’t comment. “Don’t worry, Sasuke-kun,” she called over her shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone your secret. See you later.”

When they were out of earshot, Kakashi unclenched his jaw long enough to grind out, “You told Sasuke. Before me.”

Sakura merely rolled her eyes. “He guessed.”

And Kakashi didn’t, it went unsaid.

“Kakashi.”

“What?”

His snapping didn’t deter her, but it put something in her eyes that made Kakashi bite the inside of his cheek. “We passed the tent,” she said quietly, slipping out of his grip.

Regretting his temper, he caught her hand. “I won’t let anything happen to you. You know that, right?”

She squeezed his fingers and smiled at him. “Can you really control something like that?”

Without any further delay, Sakura swept into the house-sized tent, leaving Kakashi no rejoinder but to follow. She stopped a man with mad scientist-type hair whose harsh face softened when he saw who it was.

“Kenshin-san, Shizune’s expecting me. Can you --?”

“Exam Room B.”

“Thank you.”

Exam Room B turned out to be a couple of sheets hung in a closet-sized approximation of privacy, but Shizune was waiting in it, regardless. She sat Sakura down on the makeshift examining table, paying Kakashi no mind.

“What is it now? I told you you need to eat more. Rations are portioned out the way they are for a reason, and you can’t go --”

“Shizune,” Sakura cut her off, suddenly uncomfortably young and doe-eyed, like an errant child, “if I’m wrong, you can’t tell Shishou. Please.”

Shizune stilled, her palm still flat against the bottom of Sakura’s chin as she checked her glands. “Sakura…”

“Promise.”

It was, perhaps, the pleading in Sakura’s voice that made Shizune give in. “And if you’re right?”

“I can’t think about it,” Sakura whispered. “Don’t ask me to.”

“All right,” Shizune said carefully. “What, exactly, are you wrong about?”

“You were there, weren’t you, when Shishou said -- when she told me I’d never have children?” Sakura swallowed audibly. “I didn’t make it up, did I?”

Only the tic in Shizune’s cheek gave her away. ”Of course I was there. Your fallopian tubes were hopelessly scarred by Sasori’s poison. Your menstrual cycles would continue normally, but without a proper passage, your eggs would never --”

Sakura raised her shirt, staring down at her smooth, unmarred abdomen. “But Shishou fixed the scar on the outside. Not the inside.”

“It was impossible.” Shizune glanced askance at Kakashi for the first time. “Sakura, what are you trying to say?”

The shirt dropped, covering the river of skin that transfixed Kakashi so easily. How flat her stomach was -- concave, almost. It was hard to imagine that soon, it might balloon so radically.

“Impossible.” Sakura smiled, sagging in relief. “You said it yourself. It’s impossible. I can’t be pregnant.”

Shizune closed her eyes, but no surprise showed in her face. “When was your last period?”

“Mid to early March,” Sakura said immediately. “I’ve thought, but I can’t pinpoint the exact day -- we were about to set out on that mission to find the seeds, and I was so distracted --”

“Early March? It’s May.” Shizune frowned. “You should have been here sooner.”

“There are hundreds of reasons to miss a period. Malnutrition, hormonal imbalance, change in diet, shock to the system --” Sakura rattled them off by memory.

“If you believed those were the case, we wouldn’t be sitting here,” Shizune said quietly. “What are your other symptoms?”

“A bit of nausea,” Sakura admitted, biting her lip. “Sensitivity to smell, especially when it comes to food. But, I mean, the food’s been pretty gross. It smells rank, sometimes. That’s not just me, it’s everyone.”

“Your chakra.”

When Kakashi spoke, the women’s eyes swiveled to him. Sakura glared like he’d betrayed her.

“Might as well out with it all,” he said to her, then looked at Shizune. “Her chakra control is inconsistent, and I think we can agree that’s most irregular. She’s fatigued constantly. There have been mood swings --”

“There have not,” Sakura hissed, suddenly scowling.

“Mood swings,” Kakashi repeated flatly.

“I’m not erratic!” she protested, then turned to Shizune. “I’m not.”

Kakashi sighed, tired of the pretense. “Then what was last night, Sakura?”

Her eyes widened, suddenly watery. “Being emotional doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. There’s plenty to be upset about.”

“It’s not the upset part that concerns me,” Kakashi said, and she recoiled as if he’d slapped her, turning her face away.

He squatted in front of her, trying not to think of Shizune’s prying eyes and the uncomfortable knowing glint in them. “Sakura, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just pregnant. It’s almost like you’re trying to convince Shizune otherwise --”

“So what if I am?” Sakura spat out, nostrils flaring. “Is that so wrong?”

“And if you succeed?” Kakashi laid a hand on her rigid thigh. “You’ll leave here, but will you feel any better? You know the truth already or we wouldn’t have come.”

Sakura burst into tears, anger fleeing as suddenly as it had come. “Just pregnant,” she said with a little hiccough. “Easy for you to say.”

Shizune handed Sakura some clean bandages to wipe her face with, lips pursed so hard they were a thin white slash in her face. “Generally, men leave the room for this part,” Shizune muttered, eyeing him coldly, “except for one man. Sometimes.”

Kakashi stayed put, and again, this did not surprise Shizune. She moved to examine Sakura as she laid back on the low, rough-hewn table, discarding her pants to the side.

“We have no equipment, so we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way.” Shizune parted Sakura’s knees rather forcefully.

“Isn’t the old fashioned way just to wait nine months and see if a baby results?” The joke fell flat as Sakura stared cheerlessly at the ceiling.

“You’d be surprised. They weren’t neanderthals.”

The conversation shifted to exclude Kakashi. It was far less erotic than Kakashi might have once thought, seeing a woman slide her fingers into another woman’s vagina -- especially when they then took turns examining and exclaiming over the consistency of vaginal mucus. Kakashi stared at a random spot on the sheet wall, letting their lamentations of not being able to perform “proper” tests wash over him without comprehension. He preferred to imagine Sakura as she’d been last night -- shuddering in ecstasy as she rode his cock into oblivion.

“And your breasts?”

Involuntarily, Kakashi keyed back into what was transpiring in front of him. When Shizune reached up to touch them, Sakura blanched before her fingers even brushed them.

“That bad already, huh? Most women find that it passes within a few months. Until you start breastfeeding, at least. But that’s the miracle of life for you.”

Sakura inhaled sharply.

“Sakura,” Shizune said, not unkindly, “it’s time to talk to Tsunade-sama.”

Her legs still hanging open, Sakura reached up to massage the bridge of her nose. “Tomorrow, maybe?”

Shizune leaned down and kissed Sakura on the forehead. “Don’t leave it too long.”

\---

When they got to the food tent -- still not having spoken since leaving Shizune -- Kakashi was automatically shuffled to the front of the rations line, and Sakura as well by virtue of being with him.

It was Chouji handing out rations, as usual, though he was alone today, and Kakashi saw the way Sakura’s eyes lingered over the almost unrecognizably skinny boy, clutching the list Shizune had insisted she take. Kakashi nudged Sakura gently, and she handed the list over with shaking hands.

“Medical orders,” Chouji said with a frown. “Are you all right?”

Sakura didn’t answer, shifting her weight anxiously.

“A quart of raw milk? Bone broth and beef or lamb? Two eggs fried in butter? Daily?” Chouji looked up at her with eyes as wide as saucers. “I’m sorry, Sakura, but this is impossible. No one eats like this, not even the malnutrition patients. We can’t sustain --”

Kakashi laid a heavy hand on the table. “Are you head of the Medical Unit now? Whose signature is on that paper?”

“I’m not the head of the Provisions Unit, either!” Chouji said bravely, though his face was all red splotches and he looked miserable.

“I’ve got a headache,” a Sand nin joked from behind them. “Can I have a steak, too?”

“Don’t kid yourself,” someone else muttered, this one with a Konoha headband. “That’s only for the favored few. Look who it is.”

“This is a private matter,” Chouji said to them stiffly, then turned back to Kakashi. “I can’t authorize --”

“Why don’t you let the unit heads worry about it and follow your orders for now, then, hmm?” Kakashi was smiling, head tilted to the side, but even Chouji recognized the danger in his voice and grew even redder.

“Kakashi,” Sakura hissed, glancing around them at the people who were already starting to whisper. “Oh, shit. Sasuke, don’t make it worse.”

Sasuke had come up beside Kakashi, casually biting into a heel of bread. “Is there a problem?”

“Ah, Sasuke,” Chouji said, squirming in his seat. “I don’t think you can help over here.”

“But I think I can,” Sasuke said, tossing the heel up and then catching it with a grin. “This is exactly the type of thing I should be helping with, don’t you agree? There aren’t many things I like, but weaklings giving Sakura a hard time isn’t one of them.”

Sakura covered her face with her hands. “Oh my God, Sasuke. Shut up.”

Sasuke only took another bite of stale bread, still smiling.

“A bit heavy handed, eh, Sasuke-chan?” Kakashi said, grinding his molars. “Chouji is a good boy. He’s a bit worried about the higher ups, but he’s going to do the right thing anyway.”

“I could kill you both,” Sakura snapped venomously, the wrinkle between her brow growing more pronounced. “Talk about socially retarded. You make Sai look like a genius.”

Sakura leaned over the table and pressed her mouth to Chouji’s ear, whispering. Kakashi saw the moment when he understood; Chouji’s eyes widened and then slipped down subconsciously to Sakura’s stomach. He gulped.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Chouji said earnestly, shoving some rations at Kakashi without looking at him. “Just sit down and I’ll have someone bring something to you.”

Sakura went to the nearest table and sat down heavily, her fingers threading through her hair, chest heaving. Sasuke and Kakashi sat next to her. Kakashi met Sasuke’s hard eyes across the table, feeling his own features settle into a scowl. Still, no one spoke.

“I used to look forward to lunch,” Sakura said finally, and began to laugh and sob dryly at the same time. Quickly, she repressed her emotions, full lips squeezing into a thin line.

Kakashi just stared at her. He had no comfort to offer.

\---

"Oh, thank God," Ino sighed when she saw Kakashi, sun-streaked hair plastered to her forehead, sunburn blushing across the apples of her cheeks. "The Hyuuga are breathing down my neck. I'm really in it over here, but no one offers to help, oh no, they just give me snotty replies about my operating procedures and --"

Ino stopped abruptly, staring at him in horror. "Wait, you are here to help, right? You're not just here to ask me where Sakura's gone or something, because I don't know. Tenten said she hasn't been back to their tent since yesterday morning, which is a whole 'nother can of worms, isn't it? And hasn’t she seemed a bit peaked to you?"

“Tsunade-sama said something about tainted grain,” Kakashi said, skipping over any reference to Sakura.

Luckily, Tsunade herself had been more than happy to do the same, despite Shizune in the room asking pointedly how Sakura was doing. Hyuuga Hiashi had blinked in annoyance at the distraction, giving Kakashi an excuse not to answer at all. He’d been sent to visit Ino, though, of all people. The world was laughing at him, it seemed.

“Good,” Ino said, taking a second to redo her hair in a messy bun that sat on the crown of her head so it was out of her way.

Just with that small change, her features settled into seriousness and all of a sudden, he could see how Ino had come to be the head of the Agricultural Department, a branch of the Provisions Unit. She had been the most surprising name in the list of freshly appointed authority in the new infrastructure that attempted to adapt to the changed world. Not to mention her age, Ino was one of few chuunin, fewer women, and even fewer non-Hyuuga. Technically, she outranked Kakashi, who remained outside of the system. He only wished people would act like it.

Ino was trying to explain to Kakashi the methods of cold storage for grains as she led him deep into a cellar. She told him how they had dried this crop, or that one, and about the red beetle infestation cured by painstakingly transferring one pile of grain to another while water jutsu chilled the room -- but careful not to reintroduce moisture to the grain! -- then repeating the process for two entire weeks.

“In the beginning, I tried to tell the Hyuuga that growing orchids -- managing a greenhouse, if we’re being really generous -- really isn’t the same thing,” Ino said, moving a massive lid off a huge bin filled with normal-looking wheat stalks. “But then they started to act like I don’t know what I’m doing -- and maybe I don’t, but if I don’t, then they really don’t. I just listen to the farmers.”

Already, Kakashi could tell that Ino did a good deal more than that. Listening to the farmers was one thing, but in just a few minutes of rambling she had described several complicated jutsu adaptations that had solved some serious problems. Yamanaka Ino was more clever than he’d ever given her credit for, and more useful to the new Konoha by far than he was himself. How she and Tsunade expected Kakashi to help with what was, reportedly, a mold problem, he didn’t know.

“The thing is, Kakashi-sensei,” Ino said, frowning into the metal bin, “that on top of that cow that got stolen, we have a dead cow on our hands. From this grain.”

“But the bin is only half full.” Kakashi rubbed his masked chin thoughtfully. “We’ve been using it for some time now, I take it. Shouldn’t there be more dead cows?”

Or dead people. Neither of them said it, but it hung in the air.

“That’s the rub, isn’t it,” she said flatly. “Provisions makes daily, or at least semi-weekly, withdrawals from this bin. There haven’t been any hot spots, no visible mold, nothing. In a new bin, we might have missed something. It happens. But…”

A vision flashed across Kakashi’s mind of the dying Hakken man cursing his own Mist comrades for burning an entire village’s worth of people to death rather than see another clan benefit from them. Kakashi closed his eyes, trying to make the thought vanish, but it scraped at the back of his skull, begging for release. Sabotage from within Konoha's vast camp would have to be ruled out.

“How many more bins are like this?”

Ino’s nervous smile was all the answer Kakashi needed -- and feared.

It had been a long day, and it was only going to get longer.

\---

“Sakura is a lucky cow,” Ino whined, already wolfing down her stew as they walked -- dinner, unlike lunch, was notably lacking bread. “We got here so late, I was sure we’d be waiting forever, but nope, right to the front!”

Kakashi looked at Ino sidelong, but she just tipped the last of her stew into the second bowl, careful not to spill a drop.

“I bet she never has to wait in line because of you.”

Ino dipped into the opening of a particular tent, setting the extra-full bowl in front of Kurenai, who smiled gratefully. She grabbed the bowl and sipped it, one-handed, her other hand occupied with holding the nursing baby to her chest. His face was pressed into her exposed breast, depressed like a soft pillow of white flesh mapped with blue veins. He suckled quietly.

“How are you today, Kurenai-sensei?” Ino said with a bright smile.

The baby detached from Kurenai’s breast with a wet pop and was quickly handed off to Ino so Kurenai could eat properly. “And how is this handsome fellow? You give Lee-kun a run for his money, don’t you, little Asuma?”

With an air of practice, Ino looked around and located a ragged towel which was laid across her shoulder as she patted the baby’s back and cooed at it.

“Don’t let the cares of the world weigh you down so much,” Kurenai said to Ino, finally remembering to tuck her breast back into her yukata. “You can’t fix everything.”

Asuma spit up onto the towel, and Ino lifted him in the air and placed a sloppy kiss on his chubby little cheek. “Tell that to the Hyuuga.”

“Go visit Lee while you have the chance,” Kurenai said with a warm smile, reaching out for her son, but Ino grinned wickedly and dumped him into the arms of a surprised Kakashi.

“Let the men give you a break for once.” Ino waggled her fingers goodbye as she disappeared out of the tent, then popped her head back in to look at Kakashi. “I’ll be back here before the end of dinner so we can get back to work, okay?”

Without waiting for an answer, Ino was gone. Kakashi glanced between the discarded towel and the baby’s face, quickly growing more unhappy. Should he grab the towel?

Asuma screwed up his face, but before he could begin to cry, Kurenai had him, hushing him.

“It’s not you,” she said apologetically to Kakashi. “He’s just gassy. You looked less terrified than most men, really. You’d make a good father.”

Kurenai smiled, petting her son’s tiny nose with a fingertip. “You should have seen Genma when Ino tried that trick on him. I wasn’t sure who was going to piss his pants first.”

“Asuma wouldn’t have been like that,” Kakashi said, staring at mother and baby, who were captivated only with each other.

With a chuckle, Kurenai looked up at Kakashi with a swish of her wild dark hair. “Are you kidding? He actually threw up when I told him I was pregnant. Right in my begonias.”

Her laughter faded, old pain making the skin tight around her striking red eyes. “He would have come around, though. Eventually.”

Smiling again, a little more forced, she tickled the baby’s belly. “We’re just fine over here. You eat your dinner, Kakashi. It’s getting cold.”

Hesitant, but unsure what else to do, Kakashi lifted his spoon.

\---

The sun had long set when Kakashi finally stumbled into his tent, barely taking the time to register that Sakura was curled under his blankets, snoring away. Her snoring, too, was a new affliction. It had disturbed his rest the previous night and promised to do so again.

As Kakashi undressed to only his pants, bone weary, Sakura stirred, blanket falling to her naked waist as she blearily pawed through her balled clothing for something. She handed him what appeared to be a wadded up leaf, and Kakashi stared at it blankly as it unfurled to reveal an oozing spike of plant.

“It’s aloe,” Sakura said, unable to suppress a yawn. “I had Yamato-taichou find it for me this afternoon.”

Sluggishly, Kakashi’s brain tried to process this information and soundly rejected it.

“Aloe.” Sakura enunciated clearly, as if she was explaining it to a small child. “You know, like aloe vera, what Naruto used to call Zetsu? For your sunburn.”

“Oh.” As his mind caught up to the situation, Kakashi obediently spread the ooze on the back of his neck. “Thanks.”

Unable to muster a more appropriate expression of gratitude, Kakashi merely crawled onto the covers. Sakura snuggled up to him immediately, fitting herself into his sticky body despite the summer heat.

“You spend too much time at the memorial,” she said into his collarbone, breath already beginning to tickle more evenly against him. “You ought to wear a hat. A wide brimmed, straw one, like the civilians wear. It would be cute, don’t you think?”

“I’ll probably be on a new assignment for a while anyway. With Ino.”

“That’s good,” Sakura murmured sleepily. “Don’t let her talk your ear off about weevils, though.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Kakashi regretted any selfish wishes that she’d found her way to her own tent tonight, smiling when the first tiny snore whuffed into his chest. He rubbed his hand along her belly, flat though it was. This was what fathers did, he supposed -- they listened to hot-air warnings about weevils and cute hats and they put aloe on sunburns that didn’t even hurt.

He tipped her chin up and pressed a slow kiss to her lips, taking the time to taste them. More than half asleep, she deepened it in a languid sort of way, not leading anywhere.

Then her eyes snapped open. “Don’t you even think of putting it on tonight,” she said, rolling over jerkily. “Or maybe you’re just having a mood swing.”

With a sigh, Kakashi flopped onto his back, not even bothering to explain that such an idea had been the last thing on his mind. Before too long, her snores were once again rending the air, but Kakashi found no quarter despite his weariness. He stayed awake for a long time yet, listening to the rhythmic saws and wondering what, exactly, he was cut out for.


	8. Jack of Spades

With the new influx of civilians, the activity in the camp had intensified. It seemed that almost every step he took, Sasuke had to worm through a group of people or bypass someone carrying out one duty or another. Everyone had something to do, somewhere to go. Meanwhile, he simply wandered the camp until lunch was about to be served. 

Standing before Chouji, Sasuke watched him pour a ladle of stew in a bowl for him. As he took the bowl back, Sasuke barely contained his smile when his nose caught a whiff of the food. Beef stew, made with the vegetables they had found out in the farms and some rice. As usual, Chouji’s cooking smelled absolutely wonderful.

“Talk about a waste of rations.”

Ignoring the frown that appeared on Chouji’s face, Sasuke turned to see the man who had spoken. It was some bulky ninja he didn’t know, sitting with three other men and grinning with them. 

“You’ve never said anything truer,” a red-head replied.

Raising an unimpressed eyebrow, Sasuke walked the few feet that separated him from the group that watched him warily.

“You want this?” Sasuke said quietly, raising his bowl. 

All of them stood up, and the bulky man laughed. “Sure wouldn’t mind.”

Sasuke extended his arm to offer him the food, only to jerk it back when the other man tried to grab it. 

“Take it then,” he sneered. “If you think it’s wasted on me.”

“You’re not worth the effort.” Saying this, another guy shifted his weight to one foot, standing a good head taller than Sasuke. “Go away.”

“I insist.”

“Go the fuck away,” another growled.

Sasuke chuckled. 

“Pussies,” he said, taking a sip of the stew’s thick broth. “You wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for me.”

For a moment, they remained silent, watching him through narrowed, angry eyes.   
“Or maybe we would be, and so would Naruto-sama,” the tall one finally grunted.

“If you so believe I killed him, then why don’t you avenge him right here and now?” Sasuke spat, standing one step closer to the last one who had spoken. When he was met with nothing but stares and silence, Sasuke chuckled again. “Pussies,” he repeated. “You’re a joke.”

When they didn’t reply, Sasuke walked away, paying no mind to the hushed insults they threw at him behind his back. 

...

By the time Sasuke had returned to where his team’s tent was settled, his stew had grown cold. Even a small distance from the rest of the camp, he could still feel the leers that had become a continuous annoyance in his routine whenever he wasn’t outside the village. 

On the upside, a bite of the stew sufficed to take his attention away from those that were supposed to be his comrades, the ones he risked his life and worked so hard for. It really was no surprise, but Sasuke still found himself happily impressed by the quality of Chouji’s cooking. 

As he swallowed his mouthful, Juugo and Suigetsu approached and sat by him, forming a small triangle.

“Not even waiting for us,” Suigetsu scowled. “I told you, Juugo, etiquette is lost on this guy. We could have eaten already,” he said, waving his spoon at Juugo.

“It’s the thought that counts,” Juugo insisted as he sank his spoon in his bowl.

Chewing on a piece of beef, Sasuke narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. Although Juugo was always calm and discreet, he seemed more reserved today. 

“Yeah, see if Sasuke cares,” Suigetsu laughed as he brought his bowl to his lips. “He started eating before we got here, didn’t he?”

“He did,” Juugo said quietly, sipping the broth. 

Sasuke breathed in deeply before he swallowed and sighed. “I’m sorry, Juugo. I’ll wait for you next time.”

Suigetsu coughed out his stew back into his bowl, looking at Sasuke, bewildered. “You’re apologizing?”

“Sometimes,” Sasuke replied, emphasizing the word, “I value your concern.”

Suigetsu scoffed and shoved what seemed to be half of his bowl’s contents in his mouth.

“I’m glad you think about us, Sasuke,” Juugo said, offering his friend the bright smile only a huge, orange cuddly bear like him could.

Scrunching his nose slightly, Sasuke focused back on his meal.

When his bowl was empty, he placed it down on the grass before him. Suigetsu was long done and had sprawled out on the grass lazily, while Juugo was still eating, slow as ever.

“What did you see in the Infinite Tsukuyomi?” 

The question seemed to baffle his two friends, but Sasuke sat as straight and still as before, watching them through the same bored eyes. 

“See?" Suigetsu screeched, throwing his arms up. “Etiquette! He knows nothing of it!”

While he knew it was thoroughly insensitive to ask what a ninja had seen in a genjutsu, Sasuke cared little about the social misstep. So did Suigetsu, without a doubt, even though he put up a shocked facade.

“You don’t give a fuck about etiquette,” Sasuke pointed out, leaning his cheek in his palm as he stared at the other nin. “Stop clowning around.”

Suigetsu scoffed again and crossed his arms over his chest moodily. “A sensitive soul like yours doesn’t want to know what a sick, twisted and awesome one like mine sees as happiness.”

“You dream of cuddling Sakura and having her call you Suigetsu-sama,” Juugo teased, an unusual wolfish grin on his lips. 

“Whaaaat?!” Suigetsu blurted out, arms now flailing at his side. “I think of no such thing! Dismembering her, though…Yeah, I can see that, her calling me Suigetsu-sama while I rip her pretty arms off with my bare hands.”

“We both heard you muttering all that mushy stuff in your sleep,” Sasuke cut in, ignoring the disturbing imagery that Suigetsu had planted in his mind along with his creepy giggling. “Drop the facade already. You're a sucker for the cute stuff.”

“Am not!” Suigetsu snapped back, pointing at Sasuke accusingly. “You are! You’re only projecting what you feel onto me! You’re the one who wants Sakura-chan all over you, moaning ‘Sasuke-sama.’”

Sasuke grimaced slightly at the bothersome thoughts that Suigetsu once more created in his head. “I don’t see Sakura that way.” 

“Don’t you,” Suigetsu teased, leaning towards him and batting his eyelashes. “Just think of her doing all that sweet stuff to your dick.”

“You’re the one projecting your fantasies onto me,” Sasuke chuckled, shaking his head. 

“I agree with him,” Juugo said, a pastel blush on his cheeks. “I’m sure Sasuke means it when he says he doesn’t think of his friend in such a way.”

“Pffft, you’re the spoiling the fun,” Suigetsu sighed as he plopped back down on the grass.

“I dreamed I was back in my village,” Juugo let out, staring down into his empty bowl. “I could control myself and everyone loved me again.”

Sasuke let his answer simmer in his mind for a minute before he answered. “That’s it? Nothing more?”

Juugo only nodded. 

“You weren’t caught in it at all?” Suigetsu asked, propping himself on his forearms. “Not even a second?”

Sasuke shook his head.

“It’s almost a shame,” Juugo replied softly. “It was nice to be happy, even for just a little while.”

Sasuke remained silent, avoiding both of his friend’s gazes.

...

When Sasuke walked back into the camp to return their dirty bowls, the leers and hushed gossips followed him as usual. More than a month away from it had almost made him forget how annoying people in Konoha could be. Even the Rock civilians had been docile all the way home.

“He doesn’t even work for his rations,” he heard someone complain. “Just goes out on lazy walks, calling them missions.”

Loudly, Sasuke dropped the bowls among the other dirty ones, causing enough noise to interrupt their conversation. 

Satisfied with the two men’s startled looks, Sasuke left, smiling smugly to himself until he reached the Hokage’s tent, where Hyuuga Ko blocked his path.

“What business do you have with the Hokage?”

“I haven’t been appointed any missions,” Sasuke answered. They’d been back in Konoha a few days already and he was growing bored of the idleness. “Or any tasks.”

“Someone will inform you when one has been assigned to you.”

“Let him in,” Tsunade sighed from inside.

As ordered, Ko let him pass, though not without throwing him a dirty look.

“What do you want?” Tsunade growled, head cradled over her arms on her desk. “I was taking a nap.”

“I don’t have any work to do.”

Tsunade expelled an exasperated breath as she sat up straight. “You’re a bright boy. I don’t need to tell you why.”

Sasuke nodded, placing his hands on his hips as he narrowed his eyes. “Either way, they’re complaining that I am freeloading.” 

“Ignore them,” she said, running a frail hand through her hair. “There’s nothing I can do about it and having you work out there with them would only make it worse.”

“Then give me another mission.”

Tsunade met his eyes again, sighing. Still, Sasuke didn’t budge, needing something to busy himself with if he didn’t want to feel like a caged animal. 

“I’ve got nothing for the time being,” Tsunade answered dodgily. “We’ve got our hands full with these thieves we haven’t been able to catch yet.” Before he could open his mouth to protest, she frowned and shook her head. “I’m not letting you out of the village by yourself. They’d blame you.”

Scoffing, Sasuke turned on his heel and exited the tent.

...

Outside of the village, even just on the edge of its new border, the air already felt lighter, fresher, to Sasuke as he inhaled it. Sitting in the forest, hidden from nosy villagers who couldn’t mind their own business, he felt at peace.

There was a lulling soothing to be found when surrounded with nothing but wood, leaves and grass. Perhaps being born a citizen of the Hidden Leaf had passed the trait to him. He was certain that Sakura and Kakashi felt it as well, whenever they needed their privacy.

Whether that meant alone or together. Sasuke chuckled, unable to stop the grin from twisting his lips. If that wasn’t an unexpected turn of events.

As much as he didn’t want to dwell on it, the knowledge of their secret meetings planted the seed of curiosity in him. While he could ask Suigetsu and Juugo about their dreams in the Infinite Tsukuyomi carelessly, demanding to know what Sakura or Kakashi had seen -- or done -- was out of the question.

At the sound of rustling leaves, Sasuke’s head whipped around. “Who’s there?”

“It’s just me,” Hinata said as she appeared from behind a tree. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hide.”

“What do you want?” 

Hinata brought her fingers to her mouth, fidgeting in silence for a moment.

“If you’re not gonna talk, leave.”

He came here for peace and quiet, not to watch her fiddle and choke on her words.

“S-Sorry,” Hinata blurted out as she stepped forward and kneeled down before him, sitting on her heels. “I saw you earlier today. I saw them tell you that you were a waste of rations.”

“What about it?” Sasuke narrowed his eyes, leaning back against a tree while he raised one leg and rested his arm on his knee. 

“It was mean of them.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows shot up, blank eyes simply staring at Hinata, who squirmed under his gaze. 

“I mean,” she whispered, fingers gripping the fabric of her pants. “They shouldn’t have done that.”

“What do you want, exactly?” Sasuke asked, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

Seeing the girl deflate under his words, he almost felt guilty. 

“You saved them,” Hinata finally said. “They should be thankful. You deserve better.”

Sasuke frowned, taking another look at Hinata. Both her hands were still on her knees, buried in the material of her pants, but her eyes met his head on, without any doubt.

“You don’t believe I killed Naruto, then.”

“Naruto-kun trusted you.” Hinata shook her head quickly and her lips stretched in a small, awkward smile. “So I will too.”

“What if I had? Killed him?”

Under his hardened eyes, she squirmed again, even avoiding looking at him entirely for a few seconds. Sasuke chuckled silently, unable to stop a lopsided grin from growing on his lips.

“You didn’t.”

Almost defiantly, her eyes locked with his again. Even when Sasuke frowned and scowled, she didn’t budge.

“Is that what you came for then?” Sasuke chuckled. “Cheer me up and tell me bullies are mean?”

“You can put it that way, I guess,” Hinata giggled.

Sasuke sighed and shook his head, running a hand through his hair, annoyed by all the knots he found. “Go away already.”

“O-Okay.”

And so easily, she stood up and left as he watched her back disappear between the trees.

...

A flash of pink caught Sasuke’s attention as he walked through the camp, where he expected her to be around this time. Just as he had thought, she stood close to one of the medical tents, waiting for Kakashi who seemed to be running late, unsurprisingly.

“Sakura.”

Immediately, she whirled around, hair flying around and hiding part of her face, but not enough for him to miss her cheerful expression change to disappointment.

“Sasuke-kun,” she greeted, forcing a smile. “It’s nice to see you.”

“Are you waiting for Kakashi?” he asked, standing by her between a few tents that gave them some privacy. “He’s late, isn’t he?”

“Only a few minutes if he gets here soon,” Sakura blurted out, flinching briefly. “I’m sure it won’t be long.”

“I see.”

Not willing to say a word more, Sasuke stood rigidly as he watched her. As soon as she had recognized him, her shoulders had tensed and she had looked as if she might flee, but her stance now relaxed considerably. 

“I was really scared Ino would figure out something was up yesterday,” Sakura whispered, a lopsided grin brightening her face in a cute manner. “You were really convincing.”

“You have told him, haven’t you?” Sasuke asked, frowning slightly. “You aren’t waiting until after the exam?”

Sakura nodded quickly and Sasuke breathed a small sigh of relief. 

“I thought for sure Kakashi would say it was shochu that made us sick that time,” Sakura said quickly, concealing her anxiety with a cheerful laugh and exuberant smile. Sasuke’s cheek twitched in slight annoyance but he listened nonetheless. “Thanks for covering for me. Ino can be kind of relentless.”

“I told you he doesn’t know everything,” Sasuke replied, laying a hand on her shoulder. Under his fingers, he could feel a small amount of tension gather. “Did you decide?”

Her smile faded. “I -- He said he was coming today. I think it’s for the best.”

“Coming to what, a doctor’s appointment? It’s going to be a lot more complicated than that. But you can’t go back.”

“I don’t want to hide, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura said. “I don’t see the point. It would come out in the end anyway, you know. The baby won’t have Sharingan.”

Sasuke shifted, letting his hand fall back to his side. “Is it really going to get that far? You might find more opposition than you think, in the short-term.”

As much as he was glad he wouldn’t have to play daddy and endure Suigetsu’s constant nagging, uneasiness still shrouded most of his thoughts. Certainly, Sakura didn’t realize just yet what she was getting herself into, didn’t realize that she was actually pregnant.

“In the short-term…” Sakura’s mouth twisted into a thoughtful little moue. “I don’t think that changes what the right thing is, just because something is easier for now.”

With a nonchalant raise of his shoulders, Sasuke grunted, ignoring the underlying mention of his past choices. “As long as you stop crying.”

“I wonder how many people know you can be sweet like this, Sas --” She cut off mid-word, mouth twitching into a smile. “Kakashi!”

Sasuke’s lips pursed when he heard his ex-sensei’s name. Seemingly forgetting all about him and their conversation, Sakura skipped away to go meet Kakashi. Sasuke decided to hold his tongue for Sakura’s sake, though he felt no guilt for glaring openly at the other man.

There was an exchange of words he didn’t quite catch, too absorbed in his own thoughts to pay any attention to anything else but the way Kakashi’s arm wrapped around her so casually. 

“Don’t worry, Sasuke-kun,” she called over her shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone your secret. See you later.”

Sasuke’s gaze focused back on Sakura, taking a moment too long. She had already turned around, following Kakashi’s lead. 

“Be careful, Sakura.”

It was easy to tell she was too taken by Kakashi’s presence to hear his warning. Sasuke sighed in exasperation and shook his head. As long as Kakashi didn’t make her cry, he wouldn’t have too many skulls to bash in, Sasuke tried to convince himself, chuckling quietly. 

...

“I can’t believe our reserves of grain have been contaminated…”

Sasuke halted his walk as the hushed voices reached his ears. Glancing around him at the bustling crowd, a cocky grin spread on his lips. If there was one advantage that infamy had given him, it was the gift of anonymity. No one cared about him, and thus acted as if he was invisible if they had no empty insults to throw at him.

“On top of that, those thieves have been taking more and more,” another person said. Sasuke walked quietly between two tents, managing a peek inside the one from where the voices originated. Two Hyuuga he didn’t know the names of were speaking. “They even stole a cow last night.”

“We’ll have to tighten the rations, won’t we?” the first complained, huffing. “Even with all the patrols Hinata-sama has been ordering, we haven’t found a trace of them.”

The frown on Sasuke’s face deepened, wondering if this would affect Sakura’s diet at all.

“Hiashi has been talking about building a wall. The earth chakra users could do it rather easily.”

“Yeah, but would that really help?” the other sneered. “Can we really keep farms inside the walls? With the survivors that came from Rock and Waterfall, we’re already over three thousand. They’ll just keep kidnapping the civilians all they want.”

“I bet Hiashi will do something about that when he becomes Hokage.” Sasuke twisted his neck a little more, pressing one of his ears to the tent. “I overheard Tsunade said she would name her successor soon.”

“More than time. She’s just an old hag now,” one laughed. Sasuke scowled, remaining still and resisting the urge to barge in. “Hiashi is what Konoha really needs now.”

“It shouldn’t be long.”

The sound of hurried footsteps distracted Sasuke from the conversation. Stepping out of his hiding place, he watched two people run towards the medical tents. There was no more to learn from the two idiots back there.

“The baby they brought back from Mist is having difficulty breathing!” the older medic said to his junior, dragging her by the hand. “We need your help right now!”

Lazily, Sasuke followed them, shoving his hands in his pockets nonchalantly. Tracking them down was a simple task with the ruckus they made.

By the time he stood in front of the tent they had scurried in, they had fallen silent. A glance between the flaps of the opening was more than he needed to locate the baby, still and lifeless on the makeshift examining table.

...

Finding Kakashi had been relatively easy. Even the apocalypse wasn’t enough to change an old man’s habits, it seemed. Sasuke had found him by the Memorial Stone again, apparently carving in new names.

“Kakashi.”

“Yes, Sasuke?” 

The annoyance in Kakashi’s voice brought a grin to Sasuke’s lips. Ticking him off had never been so easy back in the day. “How did Sakura’s exam go?”

“You already know the answer to that, don’t you?” Kakashi replied, not sparing him a glance while he continued his work. 

“It’s not my fault you don’t know everything,” Sasuke tried to remain as casual as possible, stopping at Kakashi’s side where he could clearly see him writing Ebisu’s name. “In all seriousness though, it’s not my fault I guessed before you did.”

“What did you see that I didn’t?”

Kakashi’s tone had softened somewhat and his hand stilled on the last syllable he was digging into the stone. 

Sasuke shifted his weight on one foot, laying a hand on his hip while the other hung at his side. “I saw her throw up, lose control over her chakra. Heard her whimper when her breasts bumped on me too hard.”

At the mention of the last clue, the chakra encasing Kakashi's finger spluttered out. Kakashi turned his head slowly so he could look Sasuke dead in the eye, his expression turning a few shades darker instantly.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Did you think she was all yours?”

Kakashi said nothing, coal eyes smoldering.

“Stop taking everything so seriously. It was when I was carrying her back in the mountain,” Sasuke sighed. “Then I found her crying by herself out in the woods. It was pretty obvious at that point.”

“I thought she was just exhausted,” Kakashi said, letting his hand slide to the ground before he stood up and dusted himself off. 

“It was easy to miss. You had other things on your mind, with all those civilians.”

“What did you come here for, then?” Kakashi replied quickly, thrusting his hands in his pockets. 

“Just wondering what it meant to you, going to that doctor’s appointment.”

Because to Sakura it had probably meant the world, though Sasuke didn't say that aloud.

It wasn’t hard to see the tension building up in Kakashi’s muscles, even without a keen sense of observation. Still, Kakashi’s gaze locked with Sasuke's, reverting to its famous aloofness. “What does it have to do with you either way?”

Sasuke eyed Kakashi for a second, trying to gather any hints from his demeanor, but there was little to be found when Kakashi was being so stoic. Or perhaps he had just been away too long.

“I intend to become a part of Sakura’s life again,” Sasuke started, forcing the muscles in his back to loosen when they wanted to stiffen. “It would be preferable if you didn’t go planting false hopes in her head.”

“I would never do such a thing to Sakura.” 

The accusation in Kakashi’s voice couldn’t be clearer. If it wasn’t enough, the challenge flashing in Kakashi’s quiet eyes gave away the answer that Sasuke had come looking for. Although Sasuke could have done without the personal vendetta, he was satisfied.

“I’m not a threat to Sakura, or you,” Sasuke said, mustering his most inoffensive voice, which wasn’t very successful. Slowly, he held out his hand for Kakashi. “Sensei.”

There was a moment of heavy silence before Kakashi’s hand closed around Sasuke’s. 

“It’s good to have you back, Sasuke.”

“Same to you.”

Sasuke pulled his hand away and shoved it in his pocket. “I offered to Sakura to be the official father.”

“So I’ve heard,” Kakashi answered, any camaraderie dissipating instantly. 

“She declined,” Sasuke said, “so you’ll be the father either way.”

“I wouldn’t have let it be any other way.”

Sasuke nodded. “Then everything will be just dandy.”

Without another word, he turned around and walked back towards the village. The news of the baby’s death could wait.

...

"Hello?"

Even though he had barely ever heard it, Sasuke could recognize that mousy voice anywhere.

"Hello," Juugo greeted back, surely with a sweet smile.

"I-I was told that Sasuke's tent was around here..."

"I'm not giving you the answer unless you tell me your name, you sweet thing," Suigetsu demanded, his flirty voice as terrible as ever. 

Hidden from view inside the tent he was supposed to be napping in, Sasuke was in no hurry to come to Hinata's aid, instead preferring to lounge in his sleeping bag like a lazy cat.

"Um... It's Hinata."

Sasuke could see what she looked like perfectly in the back of his mind, certainly shrunken into herself with stiff fingers covering her quivering lips.

"That's a really cute name, you know," Suigetsu cooed, while Juugo sighed loudly. 

Hinata hesitated. "I just want to know if S-Sasuke is here."

"Why is it always Sasuke this, Sasuke that with you girls?" Suigetsu grunted, prompting Sasuke to get up and open the tent.

"You're looking for me?"

Hinata nodded, obstinately avoiding Suigetsu's upset eyes. "Y-Yes."

Sasuke waited a moment for her to continue, but she remained mute as a mouse. "What for?"

"If you haven't eaten already, I thought we could have dinner together," she asked, a pale blush coloring her snowy cheeks, looking every bit the picture Sasuke had imagined of her mere seconds ago.

If anything, he was curious to know how the Hyuuga heiress dined these days. "I haven't eaten yet."

A bright smile curved Hinata's lips, giving away only a hint of the beauty locked away behind her underwhelming blushes and fidgety fingers. "Follow me then."

...

Unsurprisingly, Hinata had led Sasuke to the Nara estate. As soon as they had entered, a young girl came to greet them. Although Hinata didn't miss the uncertain gaze that the maid had thrown him, she ignored it.

"I will serve Hinata-sama's dinner in a few minutes," the girl said, bowing a full ninety degrees.

The maid was a Hyuuga as well. Few other people would accept such a lowly position in the current situation. In order to remain polite to his host, Sasuke bit back a chuckle.

"Please bring a plate for my guest as well, Misa-chan."

Misa nodded quickly before she scurried off.

As promised, Sasuke had a hot meal before him within fifteen minutes. While it wasn't as fancy as he'd hoped, the portions were significantly larger than those served in the camp's kitchen.

All too aware of the attention Sasuke was paying to the food, Hinata lowered her head, digging her fingers into the material of her pants around her knees. "I-I never asked to be treated better than the others. My clan manages its resources on its own, and the lower members of the family..." Hinata trailed off, eyes lost into her thoughts for a moment. "I wish they would stop this nonsense."

Had the Uchiha clan been in the Hyuuga's place, would it have been any different? Sasuke didn't know the answer to that question, nor did he want to.

"Why did you invite me here?"

The corner of Hinata's mouth twitched discreetly while her fingers wrapped around her bowl of rice. "I wanted to spend time with you so I could understand why you were so important to Naruto-kun. So I could know his friends better."

Sasuke grunted, picking up his bowl of beef stew. "Why not invite Sakura or Kakashi, then? They've been closer to him."

Hinata nodded slowly. "Y-Yes, but they're not the same."

"You ought to stop stuttering so much," Sasuke sighed in annoyance before he took his first sip of the broth. "Why am I so different in your opinion?"

Again, Hinata's cheeks lit up and she touched the fingers of her left hand to her lips. "I already know them a little better than you, but, most of all, they don't need me like you do."

As if in proportion to Sasuke's narrowing eyes, Hinata curled into herself, appearing a lot smaller and much like the child he remembered.

"You have few people on your side, Sasuke," Hinata blurted out quickly, tightening her fingers around her bowl. "As much as I loathe taking advantage of my status, I believe I could help you with such matters."

"Don't come crying to me when they call you crazy," Sasuke chuckled between two bites.

Hinata's stiff stance relaxed, and she finally allowed herself a mouthful of rice. "I-I would rather be called crazy than stay silent in front of injustice again."

Sasuke only grunted in response.

"It's very unusual for me to be the talkative one," Hinata giggled after a silent pause, setting down her still half full bowl of rice. 

Sasuke did the same with his stew, starting on his rice instead. "Is that a nice change?"

Hinata gave a light shrug, taking the time to swallow her food. "I guess it's something I could get used to."

"You haven't stuttered in a few sentences already," Sasuke noted, letting a smirk stretch his lips. "From what I remember of you, that's quite a feat."

Immediately, Hinata's cheeks flushed darker than he'd seen them the whole evening. 

"I-I really..." Her hands came up to cover her mouth, only highlighting the way she squinted her eyes in concentration. "I try h-hard to not stutter a-anymore... But sometimes I j-just can't help it."

Sasuke only grinned larger, though he held back his laughter. 

Hinata sighed, making it a point to avoid his gaze. As if to distract herself, she shoved a large amount of the stew down her throat. Enough for Sasuke to start worrying over a possible choking risk. The last thing he needed was a dead Hyuuga heiress who had spent her last living moments with him.

Glancing down at his bowl, Sasuke noticed he had already wolfed down more than half his food as well, having lost his focus a moment too long. Silently, he cursed himself as he replaced the bowl on the table, still feeling the gnawing of hunger nipping at his stomach. 

“You’re…” Hinata placed the tips of her fingers on the wood of the table, eyeing his leftover food. The quantity more or less matched what was still filling her own bowls. “Y-You’re not eating the rest either, are you?”

Sasuke shook his head. “I’ll be bringing it back. Don’t be offended.”

Far from offended, Hinata flashed him another of those overwhelming smiles he’d discovered earlier. “No, I understand entirely. There are many more needy than us.”

No reply came from Sasuke. Instead, he inspected the room. If it wasn’t for the knowledge that this had been built long before the war, his bitterness would have been much stronger. How the Hyuuga had managed to snake their way into this place, he didn’t know. It wasn’t right.

“I think I know now why Naruto-kun held Sasuke-kun so close to his heart.”

His attention returned to Hinata, along with his gaze. Right away, Sasuke could see the tightness surrounding her white eyes, the quivering lips, the way she gripped her pants. He knew what was coming. As if on cue, tears welled up in the corner of her eyes when they slid shut, creating a sharp contrast with the pretty smile that still curved her lips.

Jaw clenched, Sasuke remained silent. 

“Naruto-kun loved you, because…” Hinata choked back a sob, bringing a small hand to her chest. “He loved you because you’re not afraid to point out people’s flaws.”

Sasuke only raised an eyebrow, hardly understanding how that was such an endearing quality.

“I remember how you always made fun of him, told him how bad he was everything.” More tears streaked down her cheeks, coming faster and faster it seemed. “You didn’t make him believe he was good when he was not. You made him want to become better, better than everyone just so he could prove you wrong.”

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke stood up. As he picked up his bowl of rice, his heart raced, pounding into his ears and drowning out whatever Hinata was trying to tell him. When he took the stew, his trembling fingers only knocked it over.

“Damn it!”

Food couldn’t be wasted now. 

“S-Sasuke-kun,” Hinata called, shoving her own leftover stew into his hands. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to upset you!”

Sasuke inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a second. “You didn’t do anything. See you later.”

“Um… Okay,” she breathed out, scurrying to open the door. “H-Have a good evening.”

Gripping the still half full bowls, Sasuke hurried outside. At least Sakura could have a decent meal if she didn’t slip it to someone else while he wasn’t looking.

...

“Sasuke!”

Nn. Sleep. 

“Sasuke!”

Naruto? Sasuke forced his eyes open, ignoring how heavy they felt.

“Naruto?”

Glancing down, most of his view was blocked by Naruto’s sunny hair. Only now did it register that most of his friend’s weight was resting on him, with Naruto’s head limp on his shoulder. 

Sasuke’s hands were already on Naruto’s chest, pushing him up to make him stand. 

Blood, there was so much blood. Too much. “Naruto!”

Naruto’s hand grabbed at Sasuke’s wrist, weakening with every breath he took. “Why?”

When he lowered his eyes to his hand, Sasuke’s eyes widened. His fist was buried in Naruto’s flesh, the sound of Chidori filling the air. 

“We were supposed to go back together, Sasuke.”

If Sasuke had anything to say, the words were lost in his throat.

“I guess it’s my fault for thinking I would be able to bring you back, huh?” Naruto said, raising his head enough for Sasuke to see his radiant smile, the blood dripping from his mouth. “I should have known I could never change you.”

When Sasuke didn’t answer, Naruto lowered his head, his eyes slowly losing their light. “Not even a word, hm? Why don’t you try and be happy, now that I’m out of your way? Maybe you can do that for me?”

Sasuke closed his eyes, plunging his word into darkness and silence. 

“Wake up!”

Why?

“Sasuke, wake up!”

Why was Suigetsu calling him? Wasn’t he in a cocoon, somewhere not far from him, where he’d left his team on the battlefield?

Sasuke forced his eyes open once more, needing a moment to understand that he wasn’t on the battlefield, but his tent, with Juugo and Suigetsu, who was shaking his shoulders. Heart still racing, Sasuke brought his hands up to look at them, letting out a hoarse, ragged cry when he saw the blood still coating them. 

“Snap out of it, man!” 

Hands trembling, Sasuke lunged at whoever spoke to him. Pinning him down with his own weight, Sasuke wrapped his fingers around his throat and punched, letting loose an enraged scream. 

“Sasuke, what are you doing!”

When he was restrained from behind, Sasuke struggled with all his might, like a wild animal caught in a hunter’s trap.

“Sasuke!”

Sakura. She shouldn’t be here. 

Still, her palms cupped his cheeks, her anxious breath fanning on them. 

“Sakura.” Calmed, Sasuke repeated her gesture, lost in the sensation her soft skin and hair left on his fingertips. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Sasuke, what are you talking about?” Sakura whispered, sounding like she was begging him for something he couldn’t understand. “Look at me.”

Sasuke blinked, heart no longer beating beyond its capacity. 

Suigetsu was laying next to him, cursing loudly as he spat blood. Juugo, behind him, was trapping Sasuke against his body.

In front of him, Sakura was watching him, eyes shimmering with panic. 

Sasuke closed his eyes, going limp in Juugo’s hold. “I’m sorry.”

Glancing at his hands, still tangled in Sakura’s hair, Sasuke could see that there was not a drop of blood on them.


	9. King of Spades

There was a meeting tonight. There was some sort of meeting most nights, of course, but tonight was different. Every Unit head and department leader had been called -- or the entire Hyuuga clan, the rank and file joked. They were abuzz with speculation, and Sasuke heard it all, passing among them like a ghost. If they noticed him at all, it was with a blank stare or a frown and occasionally something more unpleasant.

"Hatake-sama, don't you think?" a young Konoha nin said reverently, clasping her hands to her bosom. "He'd look so nice in the Hokage robes."

"Ai, you're so gross," her friend grumbled, grabbing her arm and dragging her along. "He's like, ancient. And the new Hokage's not even going to wear robes."

The girls were soon out of earshot, but their talk wasn't out of the ordinary -- though Sasuke shook his head to himself about the stars in Ai's eyes. What girls -- girls Sasuke's age, even -- saw in Kakashi, Sasuke would never understand. Girls like Sakura.

Then again, Sasuke had never quite been able to change his view of Kakashi from the weird guy who got hit with erasers and giggled over porn. Sakura never seemed burdened by this affliction, leaving behind her disdain for Naruto, her childish crush on Sasuke, the bitter edge of her rivalry with Ino, all like a snake shed its skin. She always seemed the better for it, in the end, after somehow cutting through to the heart of things. Sasuke envied her this.

Logically, though, it was clear the ninja in the alliance saw Kakashi as a man of prestige and power. Sasuke wondered if he knew how many of the whispers favored him for Hokage. More to the point, Sasuke wondered if he even cared.

Sasuke remembered declaring that he would be Hokage. He'd done it mostly to annoy Naruto, but everyone else had been the ones to get upset. Kiba -- long dead, now -- had been incensed, challenging him. It had all been talk. Everyone knew it would be Naruto, knew it so deeply no one had even felt the need to say it.

And Sasuke had been glad, in truth. How much easier it would have been to let someone else change the system, someone he could trust. By himself, he was no closer to achieving anything. His supposed comrades walked past him without seeing him.

"Ah, Sasuke."

Sasuke nearly jumped when Kakashi stepped into place beside him, so long had it been since someone addressed him directly. Kakashi had bags under his eyes, looking haggard, and he ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

"Headed to the meeting, then?" Sasuke's voice was clipped, trying to contain his bitterness.

"Thinking about it. Was kind of hoping I'd come across a lost kitten or something, but..." What was probably meant as a charming smile stretched Kakashi's mask. "But maybe Sasuke-chan can keep me company, eh?"

Sasuke looked away. "I wasn't invited."

Kakashi chuckled, clapping Sasuke on the back. "That's never stopped you before, you little party crasher you. Besides, I wasn't invited either, technically, but you know how these things go..."

Sasuke didn’t know how those things went. He hadn’t been a fan of official procedures before he left Konoha, and now, he was removed from it almost entirely. From what he gathered, though, despite lacking an official title, Kakashi was expected at all happenings of import, whether he liked it or not.

Sasuke didn’t comment on that, though. His steps continued in time with Kakashi, and that was answer enough.

“What’s the meeting about, then?”

“I don’t know,” Kakashi said, wiping a palm down his face. “Probably the grain. But I don’t have an answer for them. At least not one they’ll like.”

Sasuke doubted the meeting was about the grain. Kakashi wasn’t a stupid man; he probably didn’t think so either.

“You seem pretty tired,” Sasuke said instead, sidestepping the issue.

“Yeah, well, people keep running off with our livestock under their petticoats, don’t they? And Sakura’s picked a fantastic time to develop a snoring habit.”

It couldn’t be a coincidence when this “habit” cropped up.

“She didn’t pick it,” Sasuke said, fighting to keep the prickle from his voice. Now was not the time to re-start their pissing match.

It was too late. Kakashi’s face grew pinched and it was like a door was slammed, and the rare openness between them evaporated.

The long trek to the Nara estate continued in silence -- or what used to be the Nara estate. As the only surviving building, far enough out in the forest to be spared by the bijuu blast, it had been re-appropriated as the new base of operations.

A stream of Hyuuga walked by, with some others interspersed in. When Shizune, Sakura, and Ino passed, engaged in some spirited discussion about healing jutsu, they didn’t break their conversation but naturally matched Kakashi and Sasuke’s pace, falling in beside them.

When the argument was over -- chakra scalpels, apparently, were superior to metal scalpels after all -- Sakura turned to Kakashi with a smile as if five minutes hadn’t already passed.

“Sasuke,” she said, but he knew it wasn’t what she’d meant to say, for when her gaze had slid from Kakashi’s face to his, her eyes widened in surprise.

“Sakura,” he returned, inclining his head.

She had already lost interest, though, his presence not strange enough to hold her attention, and rekindled her conversation with Shizune. Ino, though, sidled up to Kakashi.

“We’ll have to report, won’t we?”

“It’s likely,” Kakashi muttered, frowning.

“I don’t even know what to say, though. ‘We’re screwed, we don’t know what happened, see you later, let’s talk again sometime?’” Ino looked to the darkening sky, searching. “I’m going to lose my job, aren’t I?”

Kakashi said nothing for a second too long. “It’s not your fault.”

“Since when has that mattered?” With a false nonchalance, Ino inspected some split ends. “Oh well. I’ll go be a medic, I guess. More time with Lee-kun.”

“Shut up, Pig,” Sakura broke in as they approached the Hyuuga guards stationed at the manor. “No one could do that boring job half as well as you. No one else is obsessed with weevils.”

“You’d be obsessed with weevils too if you were me,” Ino said, nostrils flaring as she glared at the back of Sakura’s head with considerable venom.

“Am I supposed to be jealous or something?”

“Am I supposed to be jealous of that humongous forehead?”

They bickered right past the guards, nearly to the point of hair pulling. The Hyuuga didn’t bat a pale eye, apparently used to it.

“Uchiha Sasuke is not authorized,” the guard on the left said as Kakashi and Sasuke passed.

Kakashi frowned, and that alone was enough to make the guards exchange glances. Sakura stopped dead, turning back around, and Ino copied her, though Shizune went on.

“It’s just … he’s not on the list,” the guard on the right said, apologetic.

“Neither is Sakura,” Ino supplied, looking hopeful. Sakura actually did reach up and yank a lock of Ino’s yellow hair at that.

“Not going to kick me out, are you, Arata?” Sakura pouted, utilizing her full lips and wide, green eyes and turning a shy knee in for max effect. “After I came all this way.”

“Haruno-san is Hokage-sama’s apprentice,” the right guard said, unable to hide a blush and a flicker of his eyes down to Sakura’s chest, which was hard to miss these days, especially when she crossed her arms underneath her breasts as she was doing now.

Even the more professional guard nodded. “Her medical opinion is valued in conglomerate meetings such as this one.”

Sakura beamed. “How’s your ankle feeling these days, Ko?”

“Very well. Thank you.”

Sasuke tensed, having seen enough. Sakura knew how to be well liked, one way or another -- yet another skill Sasuke did not possess. He was not in the mood to compete. Before he could turn to go, though, Kakashi put a hand on his arm.

“Sasuke is my apprentice.”

Arata hesitated, looking at Ko. It was easy to see the cogs turning behind their blank gazes -- after having allowed Sakura, could they deny Sasuke? When the guards stood aside to let them pass, it said a lot about how they viewed Kakashi: on par with the Hokage, title or no. 

Kakashi walked forward, turning back expectantly to Sasuke when he didn’t follow. Because it would be too conspicuous to turn back now, Sasuke did as expected.

“You whore!” Ino hissed at Sakura as they all approached the manor. “I saw what you did there.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sakura stalked ahead to catch up to Shizune, nose in the air.

Ino rolled her eyes, but stayed in step with Sasuke. “Who does she think she’s kidding? She’s worse than a whore. She’s a tease. No way she’d follow up, not in a million years. Not with that guy, anyway.”

With a smirk, Ino’s gaze lingered on the back of Kakashi’s head. “But why am I telling you? I’m sure you know already. Right, Sasuke?”

Ino said Sasuke’s name, but her eyes were still trained on Kakashi. Kakashi didn’t notice, or pretended not to, and Ino lost interest.

“It’s bullshit, you know,” she said to Sasuke as they finally entered the meeting room. “I brought Shino and Lee to a Provisions meeting last week just because they were bored. They work over in the Structures department, not even in the same unit, but no one said a word.”

“I know it's bullshit,” Sasuke said quietly, squeezing into a space along the back wall behind Sakura and Shizune, between Ino and Kakashi.

When Tsunade and Hyuuga Hiashi entered the room, all the useless chatter ceased. They sat down and immediately began addressing business. Hiashi gave a basic summary of each unit's recent goings on, tone impartial no matter whether he was describing the Structures Unit's progress (promising) or the Provisions Unit's (abysmal). Tsunade, though, cleared her throat and gave the report on the Medical Unit.

She rattled off the list of the past few week's deaths, both civilian and ninja alike, squinting to read the paper. There were too many names for comfort, but Sasuke didn't recognize any of them, so it was hard to fathom the significance even when the murmurs began anew, troubled looks exchanged generously.

Though Sasuke had stopped listening to the specific names, he still noticed when Sakura's spine stiffened like someone had jammed a metal rod through it.

"Sishou just said Sari. Our Sari."

Kakashi closed his eyes, laying a hand on Sakura's shoulder. Seemingly without thinking, she reached up to squeeze his fingers, but her eyes were on Shizune.

"What did she die of?"

Shizune wouldn't meet Sakura's glare.

"She was eight months old," Sakura said too loudly, knuckles white against Kakashi's. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The shifty look on Shizune's normally placid face spoke of exactly why she hadn't told Sakura. "Sakura, now is not the time or place --"

Sakura did not relent. "What happened? Why did she die?"

She was almost yelling, now, the rest of the room staring at her. Hiashi was glaring down his nose at her in disapproval, and even Tsunade was massaging the bridge of her nose. Kakashi leaned over and whispered into Sakura's ear, but she was having none of it.

"No! Don't you care? She was a healthy little baby when we left her, and now she's dead! Find out what happened and I'll shut up then.

Kakashi's lips were moving again, and this time Sakura paused her tirade, but was already blinking tears from her eyes.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "We escorted that child from Mist. Be kind. She had no family left."

Shizune turned to Sakura, meeting Sasuke's eyes guiltily for just a second. "Malnutrition. I'm sorry. No one brought her in until it was too late --"

"Who was her wet nurse?" Sakura demanded. "How could she not notice?"

There was a pause that stretched for too long. "It was --" Shizune took a shaky breath to gather herself. "It was an oversight. Sakura, I'm sorry --"

Eyes bright, Sakura turned her face away. For a minute, she said nothing. Kakashi reached for her again, but she shook him off, rigid.

"I apologize, everyone."

She sank back against the wall between Sasuke and Kakashi. "Thank you," she muttered to Sasuke.

"Proper nutrition continues to be a struggle for us all," Tsunade said wearily, resuming the meeting. "Particularly for the very young and very old. All of us here are doing our best to improve the situation as we can, and I thank you for your efforts. The more we refine our system, the healthier we will be. Bettering the communication between units is a step towards that goal and part of the reason we are here today."

Tsunade's bland justifications continued and Sasuke tuned out, his stomach tight and rolling, like he'd eaten spoiled meat. But then perhaps he had.

Sakura was still staring at some indeterminate spot on the floor, inconsolable against Kakashi's quiet efforts.

"What did you expect me to do?" he murmured, frowning deeply.

"Maybe stick up for her? She doesn't -- didn't -- have anyone else to do it but us," Sakura hissed, still not looking at him, even as Yamato quietly pushed through the crowd to stand beside Kakashi, glancing between them in alarm. "Sasuke had to do it instead, and he's not half as respected as you."

"Sakura, maybe that's not fair," Ino whispered, tawny brows furrowed. "Are you PMSing or something, because --"

"I'm not hormonal," Sakura insisted, fighting to keep her voice down once more. A single tear streaked down her cheek and she wiped it away furiously.

Sakura almost certainly was hormonal, so far was this outside of her usual behavior, and as Kakashi met Sasuke's gaze, Sasuke knew he wasn't the only one thinking it. Neither of them were stupid enough to say it, though, and even Ino seemed to sense that she'd misstepped.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, concern evident. "It's terrible what happened. She was just a little baby."

"It could have been Asuma. Did you think of that?" Sakura's voice, quiet though it was, was harsh, her expression unforgiving.

It seemed this thought had not yet occurred to Ino, for she subsided, looking stricken. In front of them, Shizune's shoulders tensed visibly.

Another tear leaked from the corner of Sakura's eye and she let this one drip onto her chest. Once again, Sasuke met Kakashi's pained gaze. None of them were thinking of little Asuma, in truth.

Yamato looked totally bewildered, jaw slack as he stared at them all. "Are you okay, Sakura?"

"I'm sorry to upset you, Yamato-taichou," Sakura sniffled in a non-answer.

"Tenzou," Tsunade snapped, jerking his attention back to the meeting at hand. "What's the status on the overcrowding in Waterfall district?"

Sasuke was sure Yamato hadn't been called on by coincidence; dirty glares were still headed towards their corner of the room, and Sasuke could hardly blame them. Right now, Sakura and all those involved with her were a distraction. Gradually, the tension eased as Yamato fulfilled his role as head of the Village Planning department, a subsidiary of the Structures Unit.

The meeting went forward as normal, their group now quiet despite Sakura practically buzzing with dark tension at Sasuke's side. It wasn't until things were drawing to a close and Tsunade pulled herself to her feet with a cane that Sakura stopped scowling at her feet as if they were gravely offensive and looked up.

"I am old," Tsunade said simply, and she sounded it, her voice like a crackling of wet air, exhausted. "It is time."

Very few faces around the crowded room were surprised.

"We have no daimyo," Tsunade continued. "We have no council. Our traditions are broken, so we must make new ones. My advisors and I have decided that there will be a jounin forum. All Konoha ninja of the appropriate rank will vote on the Rokudaime Hokage. Soon. I will pass on my recommendation at that time."

A few heads swiveled towards Kakashi, a few towards Hiashi, but most stayed silent.

"Yamanaka Ino, stay behind. The rest of you are dismissed."

Ino made no sign that she had heard except for her hands balling into fists at her side. Sakura snapped out of her sullenness long enough to whisper something into Ino's ear, then turned and fled the room. The other ninja trying to leave all made way for her, some with sympathetic expressions, others hard.

Sasuke followed Kakashi out the same way he'd followed him in, except Yamato tagged along. Outside, they located Sakura, who was currently giving Shizune the cold shoulder.

"Please, Sakura! I didn't think it was what you needed to hear right now --"

As they approached, Shizune glued her mouth shut, blinking away tears of her own.

"I'm waiting here for Ino," Sakura said stiffly, not turning towards the men. Then, with a bit of hesitation, she softened. "Yamato-taichou, would you do me a favor?"

"Of course," he said immediately, frown lines etched into his face.

"Can you find Lee and tell him that Ino's probably getting fired right now." It was meant to be a question, but it came out dull and flat. "You know where their tent is, I think."

"I do." Yamato hesitated. "You know I would help you, if you needed it. With anything."

"Thanks." Sakura was listless, but she still tried to summon a smile for Yamato. "This is what I really need right now, though. I'd do it myself, but I don't want her to walk home alone."

"I understand." He lingered only a moment more, trying in vain to garner some clue from Shizune, Kakashi, or Sasuke, but none of them were budging.

After Yamato was gone, Kakashi put a hesitant hand on Sakura's lower arm. "I'll see you later tonight."

The opposite of Sakura, Kakashi's statement came out uneven, his uncertainty in her answer evident.

She contemplated, still not looking at him, and then sighed, the tension in her posture easing slightly. "Yes. Later."

Mollified for the moment, Kakashi swept away, leaving Shizune to plead with an implacable Sakura. Hovering between them, Sasuke paused, uncertain, but Sakura still had her back to them both. Sasuke turned and trod after Kakashi.

\---

“Juugo said I’d find you here.”

At the sound of Sakura’s voice, the small fire he'd lit lost the entirety of Sasuke’s attention. Glancing up, he saw her, leaning against a tree, a thin blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

“Suigetsu didn’t give you too much trouble?” he asked, a smirk working its way on his lips.

“He wasn’t there, thankfully,” she sighed.

Noticing her hesitation to join him, he gestured for her to take a seat on the grass at his side. “Come sit.”

The tension fled her shoulders and back easily as she made her way to him. Coupled with only the noise of the crackling of the fire, her steps filled the air with the sound of rustling grass.

“I still expect you to tell me I’m stupid at any second,” she chuckled, a gentle smile brightening her features in the weak light of the fire.

“We’ve grown up," Sasuke said while he poked the fire with a branch he’d picked up earlier. “I’ve grown up.”

The silence he’d first came here for returned as if it had never been disturbed. Sasuke breathed out slowly, leaning more of his weight on the trunk of the tree behind him. For a moment, he let his eyes slide shut while his mind focused on the soft sounds of the forest surrounding them. Although he was slightly curious as to why Sakura had come looking for him, his lips remained sealed. She would talk soon enough.

“Ino was promoted to jounin.”

The hint of excitement in her voice was enough for him to crack an eye open. “She wasn’t fired?”

“No, Shishou thought she was doing an amazing job,” Sakura answered as she stretched her legs, leaning back on her hands. “Considering the lack of resources or help she has, she really has been humongous help in keeping everyone fed.”

Sasuke nodded, returning his attention to the flames that had been his main subject of interest before Sakura’s presence.

“Do you want to play?”

Before he saw the deck of cards in her hand, Sasuke had been mildly curious, but now his eyebrow raised high as he stared at her openly.

Sakura squirmed and looked away, probably trying to hide the redness that spread around her cheeks and made him grin and wonder if she understood just how wrong her invitation sounded to him.

“I can’t believe you!” she blurted out, clutching the deck tighter between her fingers. “Why would you have that in mind?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sasuke chuckled, shifting forward. “Probably because that’s how you invite certain people to do certain things.”

If her cheeks had been red before, they were beaming now.

“You’re not certain people,” she scoffed, scrambling ungracefully to sit cross-legged.

“No need to be so embarrassed, Sakura,” he replied, his voice as light-hearted as he felt. “I didn’t think I was, if that’s what you thought.”

Sakura’s lips puckered, though her blush was starting to fade gradually. “I can’t believe you noticed that too.”

“Does it really surprise you that much?”

Slowly, her chest rose and fell again in a soft sigh. “I guess not.”

When her green eyes grew distant, Sasuke reached for the deck of cards that she held against her knee, prying it from her fingers without much resistance. “What did you want to play?”

“Go fish is usually our --“ She coughed into her fist. “-- my go-to game. It’s easy.”

“Go fish it is.”

Needing no more directions, Sasuke shuffled the cards and distributed them appropriately. “You start.”

Thoughtful, Sakura scanned the cards, running the tip of her index on the top edges of the cards in her hand. “Any sevens?”

Sasuke glanced down at his cards, squinting as his eyes struggled to identify the cards in the glimmer of the fire. The queen of spades was the first card he spotted, followed immediately by the sevens of clubs and diamonds. Scowling, he handed the cards to her.

“Threes?”

He shook his head.

“Any eights?”

It would go well with his eight of hearts, which was far too lonely for such a lovely card. Soon enough, his card was the proud companion of the eights of clubs and diamonds. Much better.

“Nines?”

When three cards left her hand to join his, Sasuke’s grin widened considerably. Just like that, he now had nines of each suit.

It seemed his luck ended there, as he was wrong on his next guess and had to pick a new card.

“How are you feeling?”

Barely, her body tensed, her fingers flexing only a hint harder around her cards. “I’m fine. Why?”

“Just asking,” Sasuke replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Kakashi tells me you’ve been keeping him awake with your monstrous snores.”

“I do not snore.”

The glint of anger flashing in her pretty eyes only spurred him on. “I can hear them from my tent.”

“You can’t!” she burst out, eyes widened in embarrassment she tried to masquerade as indignation. “I know you can’t.”

Loving every second of her flustered ramblings, Sasuke raised an eyebrow, flashing her his cockiest smirk.

And, just as expected, her temper took the bait. Sakura threw him a punch he didn’t bother trying to dodge, though the decision was immediately regretted when her fist connected and sent pain through his whole arm.

Mocking, he shoved her shoulder. “Quick to resort to violence, just like I’d heard.”

“I’ll show you violent!”

Another punch was aimed for his chest, but this time, having learned from his previous mistake, he caught her wrist and tugged on it before he stood on his knees to keep his balance. Cheeks flushed, Sakura stumbled closer to him, on her knees as well.

“Hormonal, too.”

Eyes burning with playful anger, she tried to slap his chest, but he was quick to grasp her other wrist.

By now, Sasuke could feel the heat radiating off her body, much more forgiving than that of the flames they stood so close to. Though she kept her eyes locked with his, her body wriggled, struggling against his hold.

And from the corner of his eye, Sasuke could see one button too many of her already too loose blouse come undone. His right hand let go of her wrist, going down to pull the garment closed before he could see more than the slight darkening of skin on the swell of her breast.

Glancing back up, he could see Sakura’s cheeks had grown a few shades redder and her eyes wider.

Sakura’s body remained still, except for her lips that parted ever so slightly. 

Acting on a simple impulse, Sasuke tugged on the wrist he still held until Sakura was pressing against him and his lips caught hers in a relaxed kiss.

Just for a few seconds, they didn’t dare move even an inch.

Timed with one another, their eyes blinked open and they watched each other before pulling away slowly.

Silence.

“Should I apologize?”

For some reason, those were the only words to cross his mind, even if a thousand ran through it, all screaming the same thing: wrong.

Sakura’s eyes were as wide and dumbstruck as his, her lips pursed in apparent surprise.

“I don’t think so.”

They didn’t say anything again, until her expression twisted in a grimace and she shuddered slightly, to which his body responded on its own by imitating. “That’s really not what I expected when I was twelve.”

“Me neither,” he said.

Once they registered his confession, Sakura’s eyes grew wide and she burst into a fit of cute giggles, throwing her palm over her lips to cover the sounds.

Though he tried to grit his teeth against it, Sasuke’s laughter rumbled with hers, until they were both out of breath and looking at each other, jovial complicity shining in their eyes.

Without taking her eyes off of his, Sakura reached for a card in her pocket and handed it to him, her lips parted in an exaggerated grin. “For you.”

A quick look at the card revealed it was the king of spades.

Sasuke chuckled, flashing her a smirk. “I’m your other king, now?”

“The 'not certain people' king,” she precised, hugging her knees to herself, her smile still as cheerful. “In case you got the wrong idea.”

“With a kiss so…” In front of him, his hands moved in incomprehensible gestures. Still, he smiled just like her. “So…”

“Horrendous!” she laughed, swatting at his knee. “You’re a horrendous kisser.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. “With such a horrendous kiss, there’s no chance in hell I’d want to be that kind of king.”

Joining the sound of the dying fire, their laughter echoed against the trees.

\---

Sasuke would be glad when they exhausted the stash of sake once and for all. The buzz wasn't bad, by any means, but he was beyond buzz at this point. He and Kakashi had been taking turns drinking from Sakura's cup this time so she didn't attract attention. At this point, Sasuke couldn't quite remember whose idea it had been, but either way, they hadn't spoken of it. One of them had grabbed her glass and chugged while no one was looking, and she had smiled so gratefully that tomorrow's headache had seemed worth it. Sasuke tried not to go competitively shot for shot with Kakashi, but somewhere along the line, he had forgotten that, too.

But as Sasuke stretched out next to the fire, nursing a spinning head, he wondered if maybe they oughtn't just come clean instead of playing such charades. Then he laughed quietly at himself. He really was drunk, to be thinking things like that.

At least the celebration for Ino's promotion had finally wound down. Like most such gatherings in the new Konoha, the group of "friends" that ostensibly accepted him had begun together but slowly splintered off into smaller units. It was unthinkable that Sasuke ever end up alone with anyone but Team Kakashi or Team Taka. Whenever he got too close, most of the others simply stopped talking awkwardly, childhood comrades or not. Still, at least here, Sasuke got the impression that they just didn't know what to say more than actively wishing he would go away. Sasuke didn't know what to say either.

Despite it all, Sasuke felt rather comfortable in the soft heat of the fire. In another circumstance, he might find it too hot, but the alcohol warmed him from the inside, so it was only right that the flames warmed him without.

Of course, it was easier to feel at ease in current company than any other. Suigetsu was just as drunk as Sasuke but without any excuse, crooning a song in the unintelligible Mist dialect he rarely spoke. Yamato and Sai sat close by, only pleasantly buzzed but more than happy to enjoy the silent comradeship. Kakashi and Sakura were laid out like Sasuke, curled into one another so conspicuously that Sasuke almost warned them -- but he didn't want to spoil the nice feeling of the night, so he didn't.

Sakura's eyelids were drooping, fighting sleep as Kakashi traced up and down her arm languorously. She leaned her back against his chest as she stretched to ward off yet another yawn.

The only thing missing was Juugo, who had scampered off to bed the minute the sake bottles came out, fearing any sort of loss of control. There were a few other things missing as well, but Sasuke didn't let himself dwell on those.

"Things like this will change when you're Hokage, won’t it, Sensei?" Sasuke said.

Kakashi's hand paused mid-track and Sakura blinked back awake. Even Suigetsu cut off his song mid-melody.

"Why would they replace one geezer with another?" Suigetsu said indignantly, sitting up so fast he sloshed some sake out of his cup.

"He's not a geezer," Sakura said.

Sasuke watched her for a reaction, but she only covered another yawn with a fist. It wasn't the first time she'd heard the idea, it was clear.

"Traditionally, Kirigakure and Konohagakure have opposing views when it comes to authority. In the past, Konohagakure has selected stable, seasoned candidates, while Kirigakure has favored the intimidation of power and youth." If anything, alcohol only made Sai look more bored, but his explanations were as succinct as ever.

Suigetsu thought about this for a moment and then sat back with a shrug. "No skin off my back."

"Undoubtedly," Yamato said, stirring the flames with a stick to make them hiss, "if Kakashi-senpai is honored in that way, it will mean some changes."

Kakashi resumed his lazy movements along Sakura's arm. "I wouldn't worry about it."

"You know she's going to recommend you, don't you?" Sasuke said with a small frown. "Ino is another jounin to vote in your favor. It couldn't be more obvious."

"Don't you dare imply Ino didn't earn her rank," Sakura said with a scowl, still unconcerned with the rest of what Sasuke was saying.

"I didn't say that," Sasuke said. "It's just the timing. You might have been promoted, too, if it wasn't for last night."

Even the oblique reference to the disastrous meeting turned Sakura's eyes to stone. The thought that he shouldn’t have said anything at all crossed Sasuke's mind, but now he had and the cat was out of the bag.

"Tsunade-sama can do what she likes," Kakashi grunted. "If she does, I'll just decline."

"What?" Sakura's whole body tensed.

Kakashi's hand dropped away from her as he frowned. "I have no interest in being Hokage, Sakura."

She sat up, scrambling to face him, sitting back on her calves. "No interest? You were about to do it last time and the stakes weren't half as high --"

Kakashi pulled himself up, too, facing her the same way, the drink showing in the way his torso just barely swayed. "I didn't choose anything last time --"

"Because you were never given the chance." Sakura's voice was even, but artificially so, and Sasuke realized with some alarm that she must be fighting to stay level. "Danzou cheated with that creepy stuff, the eyes on his hands, Izanagi --"

"That was never confirmed," Sai said quietly, mouth downturned.

"You know it's true," Sakura countered Sai, though she had eyes for no one but Kakashi. "It was supposed to be you, and everything might be different if it had been. But if they'd come to you then, what would you have said?"

Sasuke frowned, sitting up slowly. He hadn't realized there was a history here, but it didn't take him long to fill in the blanks.

Kakashi's face was impassive. "Things were different then."

"Different how?" Sakura's voice was losing its carefulness, taking on a sharp, demanding edge she was still working to control.

Kakashi didn't respond, just looked her straight in the eyes.

Her expression softened as she found some answer in him that Sasuke couldn't read. "You were going to do it then, I thought. Isn't there even more reason now?"

Kakashi still said nothing, averting his gaze.

"Kakashi," Sakura said, sharpness returning.

Kakashi reached out and put a hand on her thigh, so far up that Sasuke could see across the fire when Temari's eyebrows raised practically to her hairline as she trained an intelligent gaze on Kakashi's too-casual touch. The conversation had slowly been garnering more and more attention as the others quieted and keyed in. Kakashi and Sakura didn't seem to notice that they were practically announcing the sexual nature of their relationship. The start of a plan to take the attention off of them formulated in the back of his mind, but Sasuke could tell the damage was already done and it was too late.

"Kakashi," Sakura said again, "you know it's for the best. You know --"

"I know no such thing," Kakashi snapped.

"Stop running away from who you're meant to be," Sakura said, this time so softly Sasuke almost couldn't hear.

"I'm not," Kakashi said quietly. "It wasn't meant for me."

"Naruto is dead, Kakashi!" Sakura's voice was pleading now, quivering on the word dead. "You can't use that as an excuse anymore."

Sakura’s words didn’t take long to register in Sasuke's mind, bypassing the thick alcohol-induced haze his mind was in. He could feel his throat constricting, but the shaking in Sakura’s voice kept him focused on their conversation.

"I know that." Kakashi's other hand came down on her opposite thigh and he leaned in closer to her. "I can't make such a selfish decision right now --"

"Selfish? Selfish?" Sakura's voice was carrying now; Sasuke caught Yamato and Sai exchanging concerned glances. "It's like you're not thinking at all --"

"We can't be concerned with everyone else right now," Kakashi said, and though the shadow hid his face at this angle, Sasuke could hear his voice waver with repressed emotion. "With the baby --"

"Kakashi!" Sakura yelped, startled, and yanked him down by his shirt so their noses were almost touching. "What is wrong with you?"

Sasuke heard someone gasp and there was no question now that everyone was listening carefully. At some point, Sakura had realized and her cheeks were blazing. So much for trying to cover up for them if Kakashi was just going to blurt it out like that.

"The baby," Kakashi repeated plaintively, sliding one hand up to the curve of her waist. "That's more important than my position, or yours. We need --"

"We need a way to make sure it doesn't starve to death like Sari did," Sakura hissed through clenched teeth. "Don't you think being Hokage takes care of that little problem?"

"You're not seeing the big picture," Kakashi said, and she pulled away from him abruptly.

"I'm not seeing the big -- I'm not --" Sakura put a trembling hand to her mouth, words beyond her.

Although Sasuke knew full well that Kakashi was right -- he had even tried to warn Sakura about this, but she had been as naive and idealistic as ever -- he felt sympathy only for her. She was breathing heavily now, almost huffing, blinking rapidly, and Sasuke recognized the signs. She was about to cry. Kakashi tangled his fingers in her hair and cupped the base of her skull.

"You don't get it," Kakashi said, still pleading, patience clearly wearing thin. "People aren't going to view me kindly for this. They're certainly not going to favor my illegitimate child --"

"Illegitimate?" Sakura screeched, suddenly untying her tongue. "Illegitimate?"

Kakashi's face locked into a scowl, eyes burning. "You know what the word means, Sakura. Don't act so fucking shocked --"

Sasuke blinked, making sure what he was seeing was real, still unfamiliar with this cursing, dark man who lacked all of the composure of Hatake Kakashi. Sakura didn’t seem to find it strange, but her wide green eyes filled with hurt all the same. What was Kakashi like, when he was alone with her?

"That's how you see it, then," she said dazedly, slowly climbing to her feet and shaking off the hands that touched her with such ease. "Illegitimate."

Kakashi quickly followed suit, grabbing her arm too roughly. "It's not about how I see it, it's about what it is --"

Sakura shook free. "Never mind. Just never mind. Do whatever the hell you want."

Kakashi snatched her arm back. "Wait. What if I married you? Would you be happy then?"

With a shove, Sakura pulled away from him for good. "Are you kidding me? Happy? Is that a joke?"

Sakura wasn't laughing, though. The floodgates had finally opened up, staining her cheeks with tears that came so hard and fast she began to hiccough. Kakashi stood there staring at her, face as blank as his mask.

When Sakura could barely stand for weeping, Sasuke heaved his body off the ground and stood beside her, placing a gentle hand on her back. Through her watery eyes, she looked up at him, almost with the same pleading they’d held for Kakashi -- begging Sasuke for his help and support, which he would oblige for once.

"You can sleep in my tent tonight, if you want privacy,” he whispered carefully enough so the others wouldn’t hear.

Quickly, she nodded, following his lead when he gave her back a soft push. Suigetsu and Juugo would have to find another place to sleep tonight.

With a final glare at Kakashi, Sasuke left with Sakura. All of the faces he left behind wore identical expressions of shock, except for Kakashi, whose face was unforgiving and emotionless. Sasuke wrapped his arm around Sakura’s shoulders, tightening his hold on her and tangling his hand in her hair when she pressed her cheek into his shoulder.

No one would hurt her again tonight.


	10. Queen of Clubs

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Sakura's jagged fingernails beat a steady rhythm on the table, at odds with the rapid jiggling of her leg that was slung over her knee. Tsunade watched her apprentice inspect the grain of the wood, a fine marbling, for it had once been the Nara's sitting room table, kept pristine for company. It was now scored and scratched, though it still bore the remnants of its former beauty.

Tsunade was gripping the ledge of the wood too tightly with gnarled fingers, eyeing the pair across from her. Sakura was suddenly feigning an interest in fine woodwork, but Kakashi made no such pretense. Face as solid as stone and just as friendly, he stared at some indeterminate spot over Tsunade's shoulder.

Shizune had scheduled a formal and obviously private meeting, exactly the type scheduled when ninja had personal information they were obligated to share with the Hokage. The list of such issues was short indeed, especially when a woman was involved, more so when it was a man and woman both. Tsunade had been expecting such a meeting any time now, just not with these two.

Still, when Sakura spoke the words, wide-eyed, terrified, and looking all the world to Tsunade like the thirteen year old child Tsunade would never forget, the Hokage didn't want to believe.

I'm two months pregnant. Almost three.

Tsunade waited for one of them to offer some sort of explanation or apology, but so far, the only sound was Sakura's incessant tapping. It seemed to wear on Kakashi's nerves as well, for he reached over and caught her waggling ankle in his hand only briefly before releasing it.

Sakura's expression hardened to match his and she put both feet on the ground, going still. Kakashi's presence here was not a mystery, nor terribly surprising. It struck Tsunade that she should have intervened long ago -- for this was how it always was between these two, quiet touches and secret looks and a silent void that said more than words ever could. Right now, that void was tense. They weren't looking at one another, or at Tsunade, or at anything in particular, but it was clear that the news of Sakura's impending motherhood had caused a rift of some sort between them.

But it wasn't normally so; they had remained thick as thieves even when their professional affiliation had ended. Perhaps Tsunade should have paid closer attention when she asked Sakura what advice Kakashi had for her training and she looked away and said, We don't really talk about things like that.

What is it that you talk about, then? Tsunade had asked, bewildered.

Kakashi and Sakura had lunch together nearly every day they were both in the village; it was important enough to Sakura that she took time out of her training for it like nothing else, not even her parents.

Sakura had laughed. Oh, I don't know. Not much, usually. Today we talked about puppies.

Puppies. Tsunade sighed.

They're cute, right?

Tsunade had resisted the urge to turn to sake at the banality, but Shizune had exclaimed in agreement. Shizune was easy to distract with news about a ninken's new litter -- she had always been afflicted with a feminine weakness for wee things like babies and kittens and piglets -- but Tsunade recognized the gentle deflection in Sakura's steering of the conversation. Her time with Hatake Kakashi was private.

But Sakura had only just turned fourteen at that time and even Tsunade didn't dream this pair would ever be seated across from her in such a way.

In the present, Sakura's impatience got the better of her. She shifted forward in her uncomfortable high-backed chair and looked Tsunade in the eye.

"Shishou. Say something."

Tsunade pulled herself up as straight as she could, despite the slope to her shoulders she couldn't avoid these days. "Sixteen years old."

Pink brows contracted and then smoothed forcefully. "I'm seventeen now, Shishou."

"Two months pregnant." Tsunade scowled. "I'm not so far gone I can't add."

Tsunade stared at the distinctive diamond mark on Sakura's unlined forehead. No, Sakura was not thirteen anymore, not the same apprentice she had been, but seventeen hardly seemed much better when it came down to this.

Sakura blushed and looked down at her lap, but Kakashi didn't have the decency to look contrite, still staring straight ahead with a clenched jaw.

Worrying her lower lip with her teeth, Sakura looked back up at Tsunade with the beginning of tears in her eyes. "Sishou, I'm so sorry --"

"Don't apologize." Tsunade's voice was harsh even so and Sakura flinched. "Don't apologize," Tsunade said, softer this time. "You won't be the last woman to fall pregnant in this camp. Wars are infamous for this sort of thing, you know -- emotions running high, modern birth control virtually impossible, the end is nigh hysteria, all of that. Tragedy and babies have always gone hand in hand. And you had more reason than most to think it wouldn't happen to you."

Sakura slumped, pressing a hand to her face as she drew a shuddering breath. It was this that finally got Kakashi's attention. The planes of his face relaxed as he looked at Sakura, frowning in concern. His hand moved off of his knee as if to touch her, but he thought better of it and withdrew.

Tsunade ignored that and continued. "But I must say, I'm disappointed. By virtue of being here, I can guess your decision on the matter. It's not what I would have hoped."

Sakura went stiff and Kakashi gripped his knees so tight his knuckles were white.

"You don't think I should keep it?" Sakura mumbled through her fingers.

"No," Tsunade said blandly, "I don't. But it is not within my jurisdiction to make that decision for you, even as Hokage. But I think we're close enough that you'd value my opinion. I hope, anyway."

Sakura dragged her palm down to reveal her face again. "Of course I want your opinion. I don't ... I have no idea what I want to do."

"Yes, you do." Kakashi's voice was stilted, awkward. When Sakura frowned at him, he cleared his throat. "You said you were scared, and you are. The easy way out wouldn't scare you like that. Not you."

"None of the choices here are easy," Sakura snapped, angling her body slightly to face away from him.

Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose. "This goes beyond the two of you. If you decide to proceed, this will damage Kakashi's bid as my successor."

Kakashi's eyes slid closed. "So that's really what you want."

Immediately, Sakura drew herself to her full height, bristling with anger. "Stop playing dumb, Kakashi. That's what everyone wants because --"

Kakashi turned to face her, disregarding Tsunade entirely. "If they wouldn't want it anymore, it's a lie, isn't it?"

With a roll of her eyes, Sakura waved her hand in dismissal. "Another excuse. You --"

Tsunade held up a flat hand to stop the squabbling and Sakura obeyed, though defiance remained in her posture and the jut of her jaw. Kakashi looked relieved. It was clear Tsunade would get nowhere with the two of them in the same room.

She sighed. "I appreciate your honesty. Sakura, report to me tomorrow morning and I'll examine you myself. Now get out of my sight, the both of you."

They slunk away in opposite directions, not sparing each other a glance. As soon as they were gone, Tsunade slumped into her seat. She was too old for this.

...

Sakura -- Haruno Sakura -- was pregnant. That was the very first thought that struck Tsunade as she woke, hardly surprising after the dream that was still floating around the edges of her consciousness, growing fuzzier by the second. Already, Tsunade had forgotten the events that took place in the dream, but she could still see the list clearly in her minds’ eye: the list of the month’s dead, filled with children’s names. The list was longer than the number of children actually living in the camp, but that hadn’t mattered in the moment. The terror was still fading, only to be tinged by the acrid taste of the reality of the situation as Tsunade came to herself.

As she rose from her bed -- the nicest bed in the Nara mansion, such as no one else in the village had -- Tsunade looked down at her hands. She thought she saw blood there, but Tsunade had learned through the years to ignore it, that it was not real. But the trembling -- was that because, suddenly, Nawaki’s chubby little face was haunting her, or was Tsunade simply old?

Tsunade felt old, and not just in years. She was tired, worn down by a malaise that no amount of rest seemed to ease. 

Unnameable pain plagued her, distracting her at inconvenient times. One thing she was largely spared from was hunger. The camp was teeming with whispers of belly pangs and pervasive want, ceaseless need. But right now, Tsunade was grateful that there were no allotted rations for breakfast. She wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to eat it if there was.

Though just as weary as when she’d first laid down, Tsunade rushed through the motions of her morning ablutions. When coughs racked her frail frame, she spit pink into the sink, washing it away without any thought. She was lucky that, with her position, her routine had been mostly undisturbed, for she still had a working bathroom with running water. Few others had this luxury.

Sense of normalcy restored, Tsunade made her way to the agreed upon room, nodding at the Hyuuga she passed. Some, like Hiashi, looked like they wanted to stop and talk about whatever number of pressing emergencies the day already promised, but Tsunade paid them no mind -- not today. It was clear now she had let her duties as Hokage interfere with her duties as master to an irreparable degree. At least today, Tsunade would put Sakura first.

As if to spite her, Shikamaru stood in the hallway, taking a drag of a makeshift cigarette. They were just rolled up grass -- awful, acrid things -- and he only smoked them when things were serious, so Tsunade sighed.

"What is it?"

"Another letter from Cloud. They are requesting aid --"

"Deny them," Tsunade snapped. "We've already sent more than we have to spare and they know it."

Shikamaru blew out a huff of blue-white smoke, thicker than any cigarette would give off. "They're also requesting medics. The epidemic is spreading."

Tsunade's eyes closed.

"Raikage-sama himself has fallen ill," Shikamaru continued.

"Tell Cloud we'll send a pair of medics. Oyone and Kumatori. I'll prep them tomorrow."

Shikamaru raised one eyebrow. "All right."

"I need Shizune and Sakura here," Tsunade growled, nostrils flaring.

Snubbing out his cigarette on the sole of his shoe, Shikamaru's look remained unconvinced but he did not argue. "Yes, Hokage-sama."

As soon as he shambled off, loping pace as lazy as ever, Tsunade continued down the hallway.

Tsunade opened the door, already alarmed to hear sounds of hopeless weeping. Though it seemed logical that they would be coming from Sakura -- and they were -- Tsunade’s brows wrinkled. She hadn’t expected Sakura to be that type of pregnant woman.

Sakura was sobbing inconsolably into the shoulder of Shizune’s frayed yukata, while a lost-looking Shizune patted her back. After Tsunade slid the door shut behind her, Shizune’s eyes locked onto hers.

“Her chakra disrupted itself halfway through an appendectomy.”

Sakura only sobbed harder, but whirled around to look at Tsunade, eyes swollen and anguished. “I was inverting the stump into the secum and -- and -- oh, that poor Waterfall woman. She could have -- could have --”

She dissolved into tears once more, but Shizune wrapped her in an embrace again and hushed her.

“The woman is fine, Sakura. I was right there.” Looking back to Tsunade, Shizune frowned. “I’m afraid we can’t clear her for surgery until the baby is born.”

“Or until the situation resolves itself,” Tsunade muttered, and Shizune diverted her eyes.

After a second, though, Shizune’s face brightened. “Unless you know of a way to prevent such --?”

“No,” Tsunade cut her off. “There’s no way to stop the baby interfering with her chakra flow. It happens to many ninja mothers. Don’t fill her head with such hope when you know very well we had to bench Kurenai for the exact same reason.”

This got Sakura’s attention. She finally stopped crying to gawp at Tsunade. “You said -- you said ‘the baby.’ I thought you wanted to confirm for yourself? Shizune said you thought it might be hysterical --”

“Wishful thinking,” Tsunade said with a shake of her head. “Even hysterical pregnancies don’t alter chakra flows. Now get on the table, Sakura. I still want to examine you.”

Obediently, Sakura did as she was told and got on the table -- an actual table, not an examining table, but they had all learned to make do. She untied the too-loose yukata that Shizune had obviously seen she was commissioned and let it fall open.

“I’m worried,” Sakura said, and Tsunade had to repress a snort. Wasn’t that the understatement of the year.

Sakura didn’t seem to notice, though she normally did -- a sardonic sense of humor was something they shared, unlike Shizune.

“I’m worried,” Sakura said again. “If I had scarring -- what if it’s ectopic? It could be, couldn’t it?”

“That’s a possibility,” Tsunade said, beginning practiced pokes to Sakura’s belly with the flat of her palm. “Perhaps more likely than a common pregnancy, to be frank. If that’s the case, you’ll lose both a fallopian tube and a baby.”

“You don’t look happy,” Sakura said, accusatory tone on the tip of her tongue despite her still drying tears. “I thought it would please you.”

“There’s nothing pleasant about you undergoing surgery at a time like this,” Tsunade snapped, poking perhaps too hard as she spread her chakra into Sakura’s still-flat abdomen. “The possibility of infection is astronomical, and the rate of healing in malnourished people is --”

Tsunade held her breath in her lungs until it was painful, cycling her chakra again and again just to be sure.

“What is it?” Sakura’s face was open and scared, looking at Tsunade for answers after she cut off speaking so abruptly. “It’s ectopic, isn’t it?”

Still speechless, Tsunade continued her chakra probe. Sakura’s eyes began to well with tears again.

“It is. It’s ectopic. Oh, God. I didn’t even know if I wanted it, and of course Kakashi hasn’t said a word either way, but -- I’m really going to lose it, aren’t I? Oh, God.”

The heaving of Sakura’s chest and the whiteness of her knuckles on the edge of the table snapped Tsunade out of it. “Don’t hyperventilate now. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times -- you’ve always jumped to conclusions too quickly during diagnosis. Stop it, or you’ll panic the patient. In this case, that’s you.”

“Shishou!” Sakura wailed, weeping again.

Tsunade sighed. Perhaps that wasn’t the right method to calm her down. Shizune was better at this sort of thing, and indeed, she was already stroking Sakura’s hair, clucking her tongue softly by Sakura’s ear to soothe the girl. Tsunade lacked the instincts and patience for such things.

“Calm down,” she said forcefully. “The pregnancy is not ectopic. In fact, it’s a completely normal, healthy pregnancy.”

“Then why did your face look like that?” Sakura demanded, scowling and crying at the same time.

Tsunade smiled in spite of herself. Despite the quagmire of hormones she was wading through, Sakura was still in there somewhere.

“Is this a joke to you?” Sakura twitched her yukata closed and crossed her arms under her bust, glaring at Tsunade fiercely.

“My face looked like that,” Tsunade said, trying to school her features, “because your scarring is gone. As if it never existed.”

“What do you mean ‘gone?’” Shizune asked, hand pausing mid-stroke through Sakura’s hair. “How can it be gone?”

“Show me where Madara stabbed you with the chakra rods.”

Begrudgingly, Sakura opened her yukata again and pointed to particular spots on her torso. Tsunade couldn’t help but laugh, drawing a grunt of frustration from Sakura.

“What is so funny, Shishou?”

Tsunade took a seat next to the table, exhausted from just that little bit of chakra expenditure, and patted Sakura’s exposed thigh. “Creation Rebirth.”

Instinctively, Sakura’s hand flew to the diamond on her forehead. “How is that funny?”

Tsunade rolled her eyes. “The name. I could have picked any number of names that fit, but I chose that one. It’s like fate, or some other bullshit like that.”

A slight pause and then a sharp inhalation of breath signaled when Sakura finally caught up. “Your technique healed me? But that wasn’t -- I mean, isn’t it supposed to do what’s necessary to save your life and no more?”

“In theory,” Tsunade said. “In practice, things can get a little more complicated. I’ve never seen anything like this, but then again, I’ve never had such an injury.”

“Fascinating…” Shizune’s head was cocked, and it was clear she was already miles away, the scholar in her showing.

"I'm not passing my jutsu out to everyone just so you can study them," Tsunade said dryly.

"But the sample size is so small," Shizune lamented, then sighed. "No one would be able to perform it anyway."

"I bet Kakashi would surprise you," Tsunade said with a smile, before reality hit her and wiped the smile off her face. "That little shit."

Sakura laughed nervously. "I don't know about that. He could probably make it work, but he'd be pretty useless for the whole three years..."

"I doubt he'd have much of an issue," Shizune said, though she looked as if she bit into a lemon. "He achieved the Mangekyo Sharingan somehow. That man can divide by zero. When it comes to jutsu, at least. With other things..."

Shizune trailed off, and Sakura rolled her eyes at the implication.

"That insult doesn't even make sense," Sakura said. "Isn't that what he did with me too, when I was supposed to be infertile? Not to mention why you seem to think it's so terrible."

Shizune sniffed, nose in the air, her opinion clear on how much she cared about the validity of her insults. Tsunade bit her tongue; Sakura would spend enough of her future defending herself that she didn't need to hear it now.

A knock came at the door followed by it sliding open as Sakura scrambled to close her yukata.

"Sorry for interrupting," Arata said, face blossoming red, pale eyes fixated on where the loose red yukata was threatening to fall open at Sakura's bust.

"We were in the middle of a medical examination," Shizune said, stepping sideways to block Sakura from view.

Arata's blush spread down to his collar. "I was told to escort Hokage-sama's scheduled companion --"

Tsunade waved her hand dismissively, surprised as she ever was by how much effort just that took. "He manages the layout of the whole village and you think he can't find his way around the Nara mansion? Let him in."

"I apologize, Hokage-sama," Arata said with a bow. He fled, leaving behind a bewildered Yamato.

"You know he was only listening to Hiashi-san," Shizune said, mild scolding in her tone.

Tsunade snorted. "He jumps for any chance to flirt with Sakura, you mean."

"Well, she encourages him!"

"Shizune!" It was Sakura's turn to blush. "I do not."

"It doesn't matter whether you do or don't," Tsunade said, chuckling to herself. "Boys of that age will do anything for a piece of ass."

"But I don't like him!" Sakura protested, then flushed deeper. "W-well, he's nice enough, but I mean, not like ... you know."

"Yes, I know," Tsunade said, tweaking the girl's nose like she was a child. "He's not nearly twice your age, so you wouldn't look twice at him. Am I right?"

Sakura looked down, pretending to fiddle with her obi. "Why are these stupid things so difficult..."

Enjoying the few perks of this situation -- miss goody two shoes falling from grace had unique comedic potential, after all -- Tsunade needled further. "Don't begrudge her some harmless flirting, Shizune. When men drop their guard it's best to take advantage, as you well know. Besides, there's not much she could do to deter him. Surely you remember the libido of men at that age."

Tsunade kept her voice light. She didn't say that her smile was weighed down by the knowledge that Sakura was skipping this stage entirely and would never get that time back, that most men would stop this type of flirting as soon as she began to show her condition and would never begin again. Sakura would find all that out soon enough.

Shizune laughed despite her small blush and raised her eyebrows knowingly. "There's something to be said of young men, it's true. They're never, ah, done, so to speak."

"You flirt with him then," Sakura said, giggling.

"Maybe I will," Shizune teased. "Here, let me fix this for you," she said, and situated Sakura's obi for her.

"This was made for someone with Tsunade-shishou's boobs," Sakura complained, trying to tug the fabric tight to cover up her cleavage and failing.

"The extra fabric is for the baby, later on," Shizune said, "and besides, you're not too far off from Tsunade-sama these days."

With a laugh, Sakura swatted Shizune away. "Oh, you liar. You're just trying to make me feel better because I'm going to be fat soon."

From the doorway, Yamato cleared his throat and shifted his weight awkwardly. "Should I come back later?"

Tsunade hobbled past him, cane first, and patted him on the cheek as she passed. "Do women make you that uncomfortable, Tenzou-kun?"

Sakura giggled to Shizune as they followed her. "Whenever Kurenai breastfeeds, he looks somewhere over her shoulder until he finds an excuse to leave."

"Men are like that, you know," Shizune said conspiratorially.

Yamato sighed and followed the women out as the conversation continued right on without his participation.

"My whole team is men." Sakura groaned in only half mockery. "This is going to get awkward."

"They'll get used to it. It will be like a niece or nephew, or younger sibling. Just watch," Shizune assured, and then leaned over to hug Sakura as they walked. "Oooh, I'm so excited! She'll be the most spoiled baby in Konoha."

Sakura laughed, shoving Shizune playfully. "She? I bet it's a boy just to spite you."

"Don't say that." Shizune's pout made Tsunade scoff and shake her head.

"That man's child is bound to be a boy," Tsunade said, rolling her eyes, "twice as annoying as he is, if there's any justice in the world. He was a fussy baby, and he deserves to be inflicted with the same thing. Mark my words."

"Really? Kakashi was?" Sakura fell in beside Tsunade, interest shining in her face. "Did he cry a lot?"

Yamato coughed deliberately, frowning. Tsunade ignored that and humored Sakura.

"Incessantly. Drove his mother batty, he did, and what a flighty, frail thing she was. She'd have me out there all the time, convinced something was really wrong with him. I'd go as a favor to Sakumo, but there never was a problem I could fix. He was just colicky."

Sakura tapped a contemplative finger to her chin as they made their way out of the Nara estate and onto the path to the village. "He never talks about his mother."

"Hardly surprising," Tsunade said. "She died when he was just a babe in arms. She wouldn't even see him in her last weeks."

"Why is that? Didn't she love him?" Sakura's brows were bowed in concern.

"Oh, she loved him fiercely. She was convinced she would pass on her illness to him, you see, but the only problem was that it left her husband to care for her and an infant at the same time." Tsunade frowned, lost in memory. "I don't think Sakumo ever quite recovered, truth be told. And you know the rest, I assume."

"Yes..." Sakura's lips pursed, and Tsunade could see from the tightness around her eyes that she did know the rest, perhaps even more than Tsunade herself knew. Mechanically, Sakura forced a smile. "Kakashi was totally a cute baby, though, right?"

Tsunade sighed. "Confound that man. Of course he was."

"I knew it!" Sakura crowed happily. "I'm going to have the cutest baby and Ino will be sooo jealous. I bet hers will have big caterpillar eyebrows!"

Shizune stopped dead, all blood draining from her face. "Ino's pregnant too?"

"No," Sakura said, looking confused. "But when she does have one, mine will obviously be cuter. Right?"

"Oh." Shizune chuckled weakly as Sakura stared her down venomously. "Right. Of course."

Sakura smiled again, and skipped along the path for a minute, almost her old self -- but the worries weighed her down soon enough, putting lead in her feet and sinking the corners of her grin.

"Shishou," she said after a while, turning to Tsunade with saucer-wide eyes, "do you think Shizune's right? Will they really get used to it? Because it's only been a few weeks and it's already really weird. Look, Yamato-taichou's hardly said a word."

Yamato grunted as if to protest, but it only proved Sakura right. He still didn't speak.

"At least Sai doesn't have that look," Sakura babbled anxiously. "He just asks questions, like 'You have intercourse with Kakashi-taichou?' And I say yes, and then Sai asks if I have intercourse with my other captains. And then I hit him in the face."

Sakura tugged on her earlobe, pointedly not looking at Yamato. "But at least he asks. No one else has. They just look at me like I've come down with the plague and they look at him like he gave it to me on purpose. And these people have always been our friends. What will happen when the rest of the camp finds out?"

When Sakura looked at Tsunade expectantly, she sighed. "I don't know, Sakura. You probably should have thought of that sooner."

Sakura turned her face away. "Yamato-taichou," she said almost too quietly to hear, "do you think he raped me? Is that it?"

"He might have done," Yamato said gruffly, then looked vaguely ashamed.

Sakura frowned. "You really think so?"

A tense silence followed, but finally, Yamato expelled all the air from his lungs in one long huff. "I suppose not. But that doesn't mean he's not culpable."

Sakura shook her head too swiftly, her ponytail swinging. "Why don't you just ask? Why doesn't anyone ask?"

"What's there to ask about?" Tsunade snorted. "If I know you, you wouldn't let a man tie you down, so to speak -- but the other way around? That I can see. You need to learn to check your charm."

Sakura flinched. "It was the night before the battle, and -- we thought we might die --"

Tsunade held up a hand to halt her. "I don't need to know the details. He should have refused, and that's all there is to it."

"Why?" Sakura cried, red splotches raising on her face and bosom as emotion made her eyes shine brightly. "Why is that? He's always been there for me, always --"

"Because of what your mother would say," Tsunade snapped, not ready to hear any heartfelt confessions. "She'd be right."

Sakura recoiled, eyes widening as if she'd been slapped. "My mother -- my mother. She always wanted me to move on from Sasuke, always said I should date --"

"What you've done isn't exactly dating," Tsunade said, though her voice softened at the pain scrawled on her apprentice's face. "If there was nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't have anything to explain or defend in the first place. You know I'm right."

Sakura blinked, looking down at her shuffling feet.

"Your father would kill him," Yamato said flatly.

"You never even met my father," Sakura snapped. "He wouldn't, and even if he tried, he couldn't. He was never half the ninja Kakashi is, which is why Kakashi is still around and my father is --"

Sakura cut off abruptly, jaw dropping open in surprise at herself, the red splotches fading until her whole face was paper white. She stopped moving, swaying on her feet, and Shizune scrambled to offer her canteen. Sakura knocked it away and stumbled off the path, retching into a bush.

Shizune held Sakura's hair back and rubbed circles into her heaving back. "There there," Shizune tutted, clicking her tongue. "Don't upset yourself so much."

Sakura didn't respond, wiping her mouth on the back of her yukata sleeve. As she walked steadily back towards the path, Yamato reached for her, but she shook him off.

Tsunade sighed. This situation wasn't about to improve any time soon.

"Yamato," she said sharply. "Update me on the Waterfall situation."

"Hokage-sama," he said, bowing his head in gratitude. "As you know, the citizens of that district have lodged several complaints about overcrowding. Several hundred new feet were allocated and new tents were issued, but there seems to be internal disagreements about their distribution. And the newest complaint is the smell from the latrine area."

Tsunade focused her mind on the tasks at hand, trying not to notice how miserable her apprentice was as she trod along behind.

...

Too many dirty people were crammed into too few tents. The same problem presented itself over and over again, with the exact same lack of solutions. Sand district was uniform, orderly, drab but sturdy tents in perfect rows with walking lanes worn in between them. When the tents ran out, there were dugouts in the ground, cleverly constructed.

“Shikamaru lives in one of these now. They’re neat,” Sakura said, pointing at one family’s home, marked only by a hole in the ground and stakes at four corners, indicating no one should walk on their roof. “Do they collapse often?”

“Sometimes,” Gaara said, for he had joined the tour of the Sand district, as was fitting. “The soil here isn’t exactly suited, but we use earth jutsu to fortify. People sleep underneath wood or stone in case of a cave in.”

“Is that why Shikamaru and Temari sleep under the table?” Sakura wrinkled her nose. “I thought it was so weird…”

Laughing, Gaara began to describe the protective jutsu in more detail. Tsunade listened with only one ear, distracted by the little girl playing in front of the hole’s opening, a stick doll with grassy hair held fast in her hand. Her eyes were painted in the Suna fashion to keep out the sun, but she wore no shirt. Consumed with counting the child’s ribs, Tsunade lost track of the conversation entirely.

“Where are that child’s parents?” she asked suddenly, and the startled look on Gaara’s face told her the question was a non-sequitur.

“Her mother is a weaver, so she is working with the others who do such tasks. Her name is Akiko and her mother's name is --”

“Why isn’t this girl in daycare?” Tsunade tore her eyes away from the girl’s bony chest; she didn’t want to know this child’s name, nor her mother’s.

Gaara’s face was suspiciously neutral. “We are under our own jurisdiction here. We do not require our citizens to send their children there.”

Mouth downturned, Sakura turned to look at the girl as well. “But they’re only registered for rations if they’re there, right?”

“It is an alternative choice we respect,” Gaara said, still monotone. “We look after our own. I trust this is not an issue, Hokage-dono?”

Tsunade heard the unspoken challenge in Gaara’s formal voice. “Of course not, Kazekage-dono. Sunagakure should handle its citizens as it sees fit.”

Gaara stared at her, seemingly placid, but Tsunade knew she must tread lightly. At least Gaara treated her as the authority of Konoha. Anymore, he was one of the few.

The moment stretched too long and Yamato cleared his throat. “I think we’ve seen all we need to see in Sand district, don’t you? Unless there’s any new issues to report, Kazekage-sama?”

Gaara shook his head. “Enjoy the rest of your tour.”

“Go fetch Shizune,” Tsunade said to Sakura, and turned away. “That girl can’t resist finding someone with some inconsequential scrape to coddle.”

Sakura nodded and scrambled off, no doubt sensing the foul mood threatening to descend. Why didn’t this tour include any sake? Where was it when you really needed it?

They continued to move counterclockwise into the next District: Waterfall, somewhat of a misnomer, for it also housed the Water refugees, a few from River country, and anyone else without a proper district of their own. There was no wall here -- for the wall began in Konoha’s district and so far had gone no further -- and the people spilled over the edges of the official zoning, tents scattered. There were more than a few areas with simple rag blankets on the ground, their purpose clear. There was none of the careful organization present in the Sand district, hardly surprising as they lacked a leader, but there was also more vibrant color, the tents painted in brilliant splashes and swirls of yellow, blue, and red. The paint they brought from home gave the district a unique feel, just as the way they hung out of their tents and shouted at each other down the crooked rows.

Yamato had to stop to resolve several disputes over tents and ground rights. After two families argued over a tent they apparently shared, Sakura tugged on Yamato’s sleeve. He looked at her, surprised and smiling, for it was the first time she addressed him since the tour had begun. Her face hardened under his smile, but she didn’t look away.

“Have you considered teaching them how to use dugouts like Suna?”

Yamato’s smile drifted off, pupils in the corners of his eyes as he was lost in thought. “They’ve been wanting to move to the forest and build tree houses, but that’s simply not secure at this point in time…”

“That’s not what I said.” Sakura shifted her weight, mouth twitching as she worked to keep her expression even.

“I know,” Yamato said quickly. “The first Suna dugouts were only recently completed, so it never occurred to me, but it’s a good idea. They might take some convincing to live underground, but surely at least some of them will prefer it. Thanks, Sakura-chan.”

Sakura smiled weakly when Shizune patted her on the shoulder, beaming. Sakura shook her off and sought out someone with a distinct look of the Water country.

“Where is Isamu-san?” she asked, and the man shrugged.

“Haven’t seen him in days.”

Sakura frowned and paused, clearly lost in thought, and Shizune was distracted as well. She had already fallen behind to heal a simple scraped knee on a woman in Waterfall garb.

“This isn’t a vacation,” Tsunade snapped, and with identical scolded puppy dog looks, her apprentices trotted to catch up.

The rest of their progress through Waterfall was slow, with many interruptions, but when Yamato offered them a plan in the works to build structures for the unhoused, most complainers subsided. They looked weary, as if they'd heard it all before, but returned to their workstations or rag beds anyway. Yamato's face was more lined, jaw clenched, as they neared the edge of the district.

Tsunade took this tour only biweekly to see the evolving state of the camp. Yamato, on the other hand, was embroiled in it daily. She wondered if Kakashi had truly done him a favor securing him this position.

Yamato spotted Sai on their way to one of the woodcutting stations, but he barely had time to nod respectfully to Tsunade and exchange greetings with Sakura before he was sent scurrying to Sand district to inquire further about the dugouts.

As he disappeared into the fray of moving, sweaty bodies that was Waterfall district, Tsunade frowned. These days, Sai amounted to no more than Yamato's errand boy. With no way to replenish his battle ink, it was precious, and without the free use of it, Sai's fighting style was uprooted. His main purpose these days seemed to be giving Sakura something to lovingly grumble about. Another waste of talent, another gimped warrior. Tsunade had seen enough of them for a lifetime.

"Yosh!" The booming voice tore Tsunade out of her reverie, and she smiled to see who it belonged to.

"Lee-san, I don't think you're carrying enough wood." Sakura giggled as Lee unloaded an inhuman amount of lumber at the woodcutter's.

"I shall endeavor to carry more next time in order to impress Sakura-san!"

The chuunin in charge of the woodcutting station only yawned. "I think you've got enough there, bud. Worry less about getting your dick wet, eh?"

Lee's smile took on a brittle edge. "I have a beautiful girl waiting for me at home. Perhaps you are the one who needs to worry less about such things."

"Yeah, yeah." The chuunin waved him off.

Lee ignored him and bowed to Sakura. "I will carry twice as much next time!"

"Don't hurt yourself, Lee. I was only joking," Sakura said, though she was still chuckling.

Lee beamed. "The more wood I carry, the faster all my friends can have somewhere to sleep. Many of my coworkers are from the Rock and Waterfall districts, and I work harder for them. Not everyone is as fortunate as Ino-chan and me."

"Of course," Sakura said, more seriously.

"If only everyone had your work ethic," Tsunade said, looking pointedly at the chuunin on duty, "we'd be much closer to that goal by now. Isn't that right, Jiro?"

"Of course, Tsunade-sama," the chuunin said, as red as a cherry. "We hope to see everyone in houses before winter."

Lee bowed to Tsunade. "I fear I must return to the forest."

Shizune laughed breezily. "Go on, you little wood nymph."

With a bright grin, he did just that. Tsunade turned to Sakura, hoping to see a rare smile, but instead, Sakura looked to be on the verge of tears. Tsunade followed her line of sight to see a small child -- a small, naked, filthy child with a swollen belly -- stuffing his face greedily with wood shavings.

Before Tsunade could stop her, Sakura was at the boy's side, taking his hands and wiping the muck off of them onto her yukata. The child began to cry and ran off, leaving a bewildered Sakura rubbing grime between her fingers. She sniffed her fingertips, frowning deeply.

"This is stool."

"He thinks he's in trouble," a nearby man spoke up -- a River countryman, by the look of his sharp jaw and flat nose. “He comes every day, when they take lunch at the daycare. I tried to stop him, at first. But it fills his belly. How can you say no?”

Sakura’s face was impassive, but her knuckles were white, contrasting starkly with the crimson fabric of the yukata fisted between them. “It’s cleaner than dirt, at least. Make sure he washes his hands next time.”

The man nodded tersely and began sweeping the rest of the wood chips into a pile.

“I want to see the daycare,” Sakura said sharply once they were out of earshot. “Now.”

Yamato hesitated. “Perhaps it’s not a good --”

“No, I think it’s a great idea. Don’t you?”

Sakura’s voice was cold and she flinched as Tsunade reached out and laid a hand on her arm. “I agree. You should see it.”

Fluttering around in her nervous way, Shizune made a noise of concern in the back of her throat. Tsunade ignored that and swept forward to her least favorite part of the tour. No one spoke as they approached the daycare, marked as ever by the smell of the latrine growing stronger and stronger until it was almost overwhelming, making Tsunade’s eyes water and bringing on a coughing fit.

The silence continued as they watched the children dig out the latrines, emptying the pits and transferring the contents to storage tanks.

“Fertilizer,” Yamato finally said, jaw tense. “Otherwise, it would overflow.”

Sakura’s eyes were wide, now, watching as one child about eight years old splashed sewage on another, laughing and chasing each other around. Most of them were naked, a pile of clothes off in the distance near a small lean-to. Younger children hung around the shack, a few making mud pies, and from inside came an incessant crying. The boy from the woodcutter spotted Sakura and dropped his mudpie to run inside.

Yamato spoke quietly to Daikoku, who used to teach in the Academy and was now relegated to this.

"Four more have fevers," Tsunade heard Daikoku say, frowning.

Suzume, his old colleague, would be rolling in her grave, germophobe that she was. Iruka would as well, but perhaps for other reasons.

Still catching her breath, Tsunade chose to focus off to the side where Shizune was forcing Sakura to wash her hands thoroughly -- and rightly so, for pregnant women were particularly at risk in such an environment. But Tsunade knew Sakura had to see it, had to know what kind of decision she was making by bringing a child into this world.

After leaving the daycare area, they were all sobered, all silent except for business exchanges. They moved on to the next district. The shabby tents and rag beds of Rock district were strewn across the zone haphazardly, as if someone had spilled them like marbles across the floor. The Rock refugees did not laugh or shout as those in the other districts. They were all grim and dreary. Their standard of living was not much better than Waterfall district, but they complained little, avoiding Tsunade’s procession rather than crowding around it as the others had done.

Tsunade listened politely, but all she could see in her mind's eye were children's ribs.

...

After spending some rare time with her apprentices, lunch was lonely. Shizune had duties to return to, and though they insisted Sakura take the afternoon off after her morning debacle, she soon stormed off as well.

"If people didn't say things like that, we would be fine," Sakura hissed at Yamato before taking her final step out of the door. "Keep on acting like he'll be a terrible father and he'll start to believe it."

Yamato followed her out with a sigh. "Now, Sakura, you know I didn't mean it that way..."

Tsunade had missed whatever angered Sakura so, her mind somehow fogged as seemed to happen more and more these days. Without any watchful eyes, Tsunade only picked at her food until it was time for her next task, a meeting.

Hinata discussed the results of her subordinates' patrols in a strong voice despite the nervous looks she kept shooting her father. When Hiashi wasn't there, the girl was far more effective, but even so, she managed to coordinate out-of-village mission reports with Shikamaru.

"It appears some of the civilians we assumed were captured in fact just ran off," Shikamaru was saying blandly, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else.

Tsunade sympathized with him.

"Surely not all of them?" Hiashi said, blinking.

"Very unlikely,” Shikamaru said, frowning. “The real question is how they’re getting out without being seen.”

“Are the patrols understaffed?” Hiashi asked Hinata.

She shook her head quickly, fidgeting under her father’s gaze and sitting on her hands to calm herself. “No, Father. They're studying the patterns and planning --”

"These Kizanu can't truly be clever enough to outsmart you," Hiashi said sourly. "They're just ruthless, killing guards from behind to get in the stores --"

Hinata's eyes flashed, a hint of steel showing itself. "They're ruthless but they are smart, and it's not just the Kizanu. People are hungry, and they will do what they must --"

The conversation continued, but Tsunade merely listened, covering a cough with her fist.

"And how was your tour, Hokage-sama?" Hiashi asked, breaking her out of her daze.

"The Kazekage appears to be endorsing his citizens if they wish to leave their children at home rather than send them to the care facility."

Hinata gasped. "By themselves? Aren't their parents assigned work positions?"

"With the varying shifts, the community probably gives them more supervision than they'd receive from us," Tsunade said wryly. "The care facility is dangerously understaffed and needs to be moved to a more sanitary environment."

"The older children must work the latrine pits," Hiashi said, no fire in his voice. It was an old argument. "You know this. Any time we've sent heavier men down, the pit has collapsed --"

"Then we need to devise another solution," Tsunade snapped.

"I'm listening, Tsunade-sama," Hiashi said pleasantly, cocking his head.

No one said anything, the silence tense.

"B-but, how do they feed the children?" Hinata said, and when they all turned to her, startled, she clarified. "In Sand district. They won't be on the rations list."

"Sharing, I suppose," Tsunade said with a frown. "The Kazekage has made it clear that the practice is not to be disturbed."

"We should disallow it," Hiashi said immediately. "Send a message --"

"What message?" Shikamaru said sharply, shedding his lazy visage; it was in these rare moments that Tsunade could understand why the Nara were pinning their hopes on him. "You'd risk a war now?"

Hiashi waved his hand, but subsided. "Don't be hasty."

"Shikamaru is right," said Tsunade. "We must oblige, and I propose a goodwill gesture of registering their children for rations and extending the option to all refugees."

"How nice," Hinata said, smiling, strained. Only the Nara clan remained in enough numbers to threaten Hyuuga’s position, and with their compound and resources commandeered, there was no love lost between them. "If a family has time to watch their children, I know they'd love the opportunity. We could all take turns with Asuma --"

"We cannot." Hiashi did not look happy to be saying it, but his voice was firm. "As unfortunate as it is, children are only mouths to feed, and we cannot promote the idea that rations are free and plentiful. They are not. We risk starvation even now."

"Children are not 'mouths to feed,'" Tsunade insisted. "They are our future, the Will of Fire, and I won't see more children dying for the sake of --"

"How quickly your perspective changes when your apprentice is pregnant."

Hiashi's voice was smug and when his words registered, they dropped Tsunade's jaw. Immediately she looked to Hinata, but the fear and shock in her eyes said she hadn't tattled.

"Don't look so surprised. There are few secrets in this camp, and I don't think it's appropriate to change Konoha's policy for the sake of one foolish girl. Already whispers of her extra rations are causing a stir with so many empty stomachs."

Tsunade took a minute to find her voice again. "If it's not good enough for your daughter, why is it good enough for anyone else's?"

"My daughter knows how to keep her legs closed."

"You expect abstinence, then?" Tsunade spat, swallowing a cough as she got worked up. "How logical. So very realistic."

Hinata's face was as red as the color of Sakura's old shirt, the one emblazoned with the family crest of a father who would never see his grandchild.

"You are all dismissed," Tsunade said, standing abruptly. The meeting hadn't covered all of its scheduled topics, but Hinata, Shikamaru, and even Hiashi all rose obediently and filed out of the room.

"Ko," Tsunade said, and he sprang to attention at the door. "Bring me Yuuhi Kurenai."

...

Kurenai sat across from Tsunade at the very same stiff-backed chair Sakura sat in the night before.

“Where’s the little one?”

Kurenai seemed comfortable here; she had once lived in the Nara estate, after all. “Hinata’s playing with him. She’s a good aunt.”

“I imagine so.”

Kurenai's red eyes were steady. “I expected Sakura to ask me for advice. But she’s too proud, I guess.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if she does, eventually," Tsunade said with a sigh. "Things are a bit awkward now, with the parentage…”

“Ah, yes." Kurenai quirked her lips. "What I’d like to ask her is why she was stupid enough to let him finish inside. As a medic, she should know better.”

Tsunade resisted the urge to draw herself up in her chair and instead said wryly, “So your baby was conceived on purpose, I take it? No less in the middle of a war than this one.”

Kurenai only laughed. “Love makes us do stupid things, Tsunade-sama. So I guess I don’t need to ask her after all.”

Tsunade stilled. Someone had finally spoken the word she'd been so sure would fall from Sakura's lips but thankfully had not.

“Love?”

“Please," Kurenai scoffed. "Didn’t you see them at the funeral? You can’t have missed how they’ve been leaning on each other. For a long time now. Longer than anyone knows, most likely. When a man and a woman are tied together in grief in such a way… Well, it’s easy for things to take a turn.”

“A wrong turn.”

Yet Tsunade could picture Sakura just that morning saying, He's always been there for me. And though she did not specify, the implication was clear that he was the only one -- and Tsunade couldn't deny it was so. Even she had largely left her apprentice to her own devices following the war in which not only her parents but Naruto had died. The truth was that, at first, in the rawness of the aftermath, looking at Sakura made what felt like a gaping hole in Tsunade's chest expand. Selfishness had always been Tsunade's worst trait.

“Surely you’re familiar with turns like that yourself, eh, Tsunade-sama?”

Kurenai did not seem wholely unaware of Tsunade's introspection, pausing generously.

“Perhaps.” Carefully, Tsunade refused to think of Dan, of Jiraiya, and refocused on Kurenai. “I didn’t call you here to discuss this with you, but just to clear a few things up, Sakura was told she was infertile.”

“Who told her that?" Kurenai chuckled. "A little bit off on that diagnosis, weren’t they?”

“I did," Tsunade said pointedly. “Her condition changed due to jutsu usage. There was no way to know.”

“I already told you." Kurenai shook her head, still smiling. "I’m not under the impression that she is a stupid girl. Naive, certainly, but who can blame her for that?”

Tsunade forcefully unclenched her jaw. “So you think she should terminate?”

Smile fading, Kurenai sobered. “That’s not my decision to make. All I can say is that I would. In a heartbeat.”

“Even if Asuma Sr. were still alive and it was, as you say, conceived in love?”

“Even then. Especially then." Kurenai looked away, once-luscious curls sweeping forward to cover her face. "I never thought, when I first said the words to myself -- ‘I’m pregnant’ -- that it could be this difficult to feed a baby. I couldn’t imagine anything being this hard. I didn’t dream …” Her voice hitched. “...of the lengths I would go to. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

Tsunade's eyes slid closed, unable to look as Kurenai went on.

“We all know hunger now. But it changes when you have a child. Everything changes."

There was a rustling as Kurenai shifted, and a sniffle that Tsunade ignored.

"I’ve been worried for Ino. She relies on Lee -- he’s a sweet boy, but can she deny him? Would she? I don’t think so. I told her that there are other things… Other things she can do for him.”

“It’s hard to disobey biology," Tsunade said, finally opening her eyes.

Kurenai returned her gaze. “Impossible, maybe. So I taught her the moon cycles, the times to avoid, in the old way. Still, I worry for her and Temari. I watch their stomachs, waiting for them to swell. I’m glad that Hinata is too caught up in loss to look at another man any time soon. I can’t help it.”

Tsunade bowed her head.

“You are dismissed. Thank you.”

Kurenai rose and was almost out the door when Tsunade thought better of it.

“Wait.” Tsunade dragged herself to the door as well, stiff after the day's exertions. "Ko, see to it that Kurenai is given my personal store of dried fruits before she goes."

Ko bowed and swiftly obeyed orders. The look on Kurenai's face as she stared after his disappearing back, trembling hand pressed to her mouth, made Tsunade realize that the hole in her chest wasn't done growing.

\---

The next time Tsunade sat at that table, she was facing three people. The ghost of a fourth poked the sore spot between her breasts, but Tsunade disregarded it and cleared her throat.

"You have all likely guessed why you're here."

Between Kakashi and Sasuke, Sakura grasped both of their hands. Neither man spoke, and Tsunade wondered if they knew how similar their impassive faces looked. Did Sasuke know he had picked that trait up from Kakashi?

"First," Tsunade continued, "something has to be decided upon. Sakura?"

Sakura took a deep breath and looked askance at Kakashi. "We're going to keep it. The baby."

We. The reminder twisted Tsunade's lips into a snarl which she forcibly smoothed away.

"If I hear you've guilted her into keeping this child --"

"Oh, kind of like how you tried to scare her out of it by showing her toddlers playing in feces?" Kakashi was smiling, and his voice was pitched lightly as he said, "Do you regret it now, disregarding my advice about Hiashi?"

"Even you agreed he has worked to use his power for the good of Konoha first and foremost," Tsunade said, though a twinge of guilt was beginning deep in her belly.

Why couldn't she make them see? It was times like these that mothers took their babies to the river and came back alone, and it was an act of kindness.

"Perhaps he lacks a certain kind of perspective, but he says the same of you."

Kakashi's false smile stiffened. "He lacks empathy, you mean."

Sakura slipped her hands free and sat up straight. "I decided for myself, Shishou. I'm afraid, it's true, but I don't think I could forgive myself if I didn't try."

That wasn't what Tsunade was worried about. What about what happened when Sakura tried and failed? Would just the baby die, wiping the smile off of Sakura's face permanently? And yet Tsunade knew the far more likely scenario: Sakura would die before letting that happen, and so they would both be lost.

Tsunade turned her eyes on Sasuke. "The question now becomes whether you love yourselves or Konoha more. And, of course, what is better for the child."

"I'm still willing," Sasuke said quickly, as if to leave no doubt. "If it's what Sakura wants."

Sakura cradled her head in her hands while Kakashi sat rigid beside her.

"Of course it's not what I want," she whispered. "But how can I leave Konoha to a leader who lacks empathy? And have people look down on Kakashi like that?"

"Do you agree, then?"

Jaw clenched, Kakashi refused to look at Tsunade, but nodded tersely.

"Well then," Tsunade said, the twinge in her belly turning to pain. "We'll have to do this very carefully."


	11. For Your Sake

There was one advantage to living in a post-apocalyptic word. Moving was no longer such a pain in the ass. In fact, the duffel bag slung over Sakura’s shoulders contained all of her possessions. They didn’t even need a cart or help to move. While most of her stuff should have, technically, been halfway across the camp in Shizune's tent, it wasn’t the case. All of it had been in Kakashi’s tent, a mere few meters away from Sasuke’s tent, where she would now spend her nights.

Silent, Sasuke held open the flap of his tent for Sakura, gesturing for her to enter. 

Unlike in Kakashi’s tent, Sakura had to squat to avoid bumping her head into the ceiling for the better part of the floor space. This drew an annoyed sigh from her.

“I’m not sorry I don’t have a castle to offer you, princess.”

Sakura bit back a laugh as she sat between two sleeping bags, eyeing the sparse belongings that littered the ground.

Sasuke followed her in, crawling to her right where he pulled the last sleeping bag closer. “Set yours down there. If you’re not right next to Suigetsu, it shouldn’t be so bad.”

Sakura’s face paled at the mention of Suigetsu. “I won’t have any privacy anymore.”

“Well, if you liked to sleep in the nude, I’m sure no one will really mind,” Sasuke chuckled while he took her sleeping bag from her hands and placed it for her. 

Sakura didn’t laugh. She was mortified. 

“I’m sure Juugo is nice when he doesn’t transform into a monster,” Sakura said between clenched teeth, making her way to sit on her new bed, “but what about Suigetsu? Do you really trust him?”

“I wouldn’t have allowed someone I thought was truly dangerous into the village, Sakura.”

A pang of guilt rose in her chest and she remained mute for a minute, focusing instead on placing her pillow and bag where they now belonged.

“Will you really be fine with pretending that you’re mine?”

Sakura jumped slightly, twisting her torso to stare at Sasuke through wide, blank eyes. While she had been completely aware of what her part was in their play, she was only registering now what it meant. 

Sasuke seemed to be aware of her thoughts, watching her through his quiet, piercing eyes. 

“If we want this to have a chance of working after the shows you and Kakashi put up, we’ll need to be convincing,” he said, all too serious.

“I am not sleeping with you,” Sakura spat out, narrowing her eyes. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “Stop being stupid.”

Much against her will, Sakura flinched. 

Immediately, she felt Sasuke’s hand grab her shoulder and squeeze it. Idly, Sakura noted how his touch was more forceful than Kakashi’s, more authoritary even if he was being gentle. 

“I won’t do more than necessary,” Sasuke sighed, scooting a few inches closer to her, but staying at a respectable distance. “But remember that I’m doing this for your sake. I have nothing to gain from this.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Sakura nodded. “I got a little carried away. I feel like a child, getting passed around like this, even if I agreed to it.”

“Better to me than to Shino, no?” he joked, usual sharp grin etched into his face.

Sakura shivered at the thought of having to share a tent with Shino and his bugs, quickly deciding that Sasuke was absolutely right. He was probably her best option in the entire village, and the most believeable. 

“So you won’t recoil if I touch you in public?”

While Sakura fully understood the need for the question, it still grated on her nerves. “No.”

Barely a second after she had spoken the word, both of Sasuke’s hands were on her shoulders and he had leaned in so close their noses almost brushed. Sakura jerked her head away before her mind could catch up with her. As soon as it had, a small growl escaped her lips.

“You’ll need to work on that.”

Sakura scowled and decided that two could play that game. Not giving him a moment to prepare himself, she tangled her fingers in his hair and pressed her forehead to his. Sasuke’s eyes widened ever so slightly before he pulled away, stumbling back on his butt while Sakura laughed hysterically.

“Yeah, you’ll need to work on that!”

The hint of a blush that crept up Sasuke’s cheeks only fueled her laughter. 

“Is that pink cutiepie that I hear in there?”

Sakura bit her tongue as soon as she heard Suigetsu’s voice, before he and Juugo entered the tent and sat behind Sasuke, who had regained his composure faster than Sakura thought humanly possible.

“What’s she doing here, Sasuke?” Suigetsu said excitedly, rubbing his hands together. “Do we get to keep her?”

Sakura buried her face in her hands, muffling a long, exasperated cry behind them. 

“I don’t think that Sakura is a pet,” Juugo replied with his usual calmness. “You should treat her better, Suigetsu.”

“You need to get laid, Juugo,” Suigetsu growled.

Oh, it was going to be a long day.

...

Indeed, it had been a long day, and Sakura couldn’t be happier to be in bed, in the dark, in the silence. One could value silence more than their life after spending a whole day with Suigetsu. Sakura was truly close to it, without a doubt.

Just when she was beginning to relax and feel herself drifting to sleep, a noise caught her attention. 

“Shhh, shhh,” Suigetsu whispered. “Sakura!”

As far as she knew, they were the only ones still awake. Juugo was snoring and Sasuke hadn’t given sign of life for a while already. 

“I know you’re awake.”

Sakura yelped when she felt something wet touch her shoulder. “Don’t touch me, you weirdo!”

Suigetsu only giggled. “See how easy I can make you wet?”

Before Sakura could respond, Sasuke had shoved his pillow in Suigetsu’s face. “Sleep.”

“I can’t sleep when she’s got her tits hanging out,” Suigetsu groaned, pushing the pillow back on Sasuke.

“I’m wearing a shirt!” Sakura protested, nonetheless pulling her blouse tighter together. 

“I can see through it!” he countered, tugging at the garment.

“You can not,” Sasuke growled, sitting up to force Suigetsu back into his sleeping bag more effectively. “And you will sleep now if you don’t want to know a fate worse than death.”

“But -- “

“Go to sleep already!” Sasuke ground out immediately, slipping back into his own bag.

“Pfft, fine.”

...

A wet noise woke Sakura up. Cracking an eye open, she could see that the sun was just starting to rise, allowing barely enough light into the tent for her to make out the details of what she saw. 

The noise happened again. Something wet was rubbing on something. 

Sakura jolted awake and sprang into a sitting position, eyes landing immediately on Suigetsu. Like her, he was sitting up. Only, he was practically naked, wearing nothing but his underwear. Underwear into which his hand had been inserted. 

Sakura screeched and covered her eyes. “You fucking pervert!”

Sasuke jumped next to her, hurrying in a sitting position so he could assess the situation. Juugo was slower to rise, rubbing his eyes with no hurry.

“I wasn’t doing anything!” Suigetsu protested. “You’re making stuff up, cutiepie!”

 

“I saw it!” Sakura shouted, hands glued to her eyes. “You had your hand in there too!”

“Well, sorry that men get boners when they sleep around you!” he screamed back, plaintive tone mocking. “Women usually take that as a compliment!”

When she finally peeked through her fingers, Sakura could see Sasuke running a hand through his hair, eyes heavy with sleep and annoyance. 

“Suigetsu,” Sasuke half-groaned, half-sighed.   
“She’s lying,” Suigetsu whined. “I was just scratching. Don’t tell me none of you ever get itchy balls!”

Sakura plopped back down on her sleeping bag, covering her head with her pillow. 

“It’s to be expected such things would happen when having a woman sleep in such close quarters with three men,” Juugo cut in, the blush practically audible in his voice.

“Do you know in how long I haven’t been with a woman, Sasuke?” Suigetsu growled, shaking Sasuke by the shoulders by the sound of it. “Do you?!” The blank stare that Sasuke gave him wasn’t enough to deter him. “Ever since we got those whores back when we were called Hebi!”

“Enough!” Sasuke’s voice boomed, putting an end to the argument. “Get out!”

Sakura pushed the pillow away from her head to watch Sasuke shove Juugo’s and Suigetsu’s belongings in their bags hurriedly before throwing them outside of them tent. 

“Kakashi owes me for this,” Sasuke growled. 

With the gentleness of a boar, Sasuke shoved both Juugo and Suigetsu out of the tent, along with their sleeping bags. By the time Sakura had scrambled out of her bed to follow them, Sasuke had already ripped Kakashi’s tent open.

“Return the favor and babysit them for a while, will you?” Sasuke spat angrily, pointing at Suigetsu.

“I’m no kid, damn it!” Suigetsu growled, swatting Sasuke's finger away, though Sasuke didn’t bat an eyelash. “Sasuke!”

Kakashi was sitting up in his sleeping bag, tired and heavy eyes looking between the two and at Sakura behind them. 

Sakura managed a half, knowing smile. She’d rather be in his bed with him, too. With a sigh, she glanced up at the sky, still a dark and deep sea, though purple was starting to show in the horizon. 

Once he had managed to force Suigetsu and Juugo inside, Sasuke zipped Kakashi’s tent back up, tuning out any of Suigetsu’s ranting. Running a palm down his face, Sasuke walked next to Sakura, leading her back into his tent. 

“Let’s go back to sleep now.”

....

Now that Sakura was starting to show -- and just barely -- the news that she was pregnant had spread like wildfire. Ever since the looks and whisperings had started, Sasuke had barely let her out of his sight for a second. Whenever someone was brave enough to inquire about her pregnancy, Sasuke didn’t hesitate to answer, to talk about his child.

Yes, it’s been going fine. I’m sure we’ll have another healthy Uchiha crawling around soon. 

No, Sakura’s nausea hasn’t been getting worse. It’s improved dramatically lately, in fact.

What are we going to name it? You mean, what is Sakura going to name it? She’ll never let me choose.

Sasuke was playing his part exemplarily. So much that Sakura would stop and wonder for a second, when he ran his hand over her protruding belly, if he still remembered that the child wasn’t his. 

As soon as night came and they were alone in his tent, Sasuke was quick to dissipate those doubts, ranting about how Kakashi owed him for this. 

Right now, though, encased in his arms and between his legs, Sakura couldn’t help but laugh when he showed her how to fold a piece of paper into a crane. 

“You’re doing it all wrong, Sakura.”

Whenever they settled down next to a bonfire to enjoy an evening with their friends, it seemed that more people found a reason to join in. Or to watch them, as Sakura and her close friends knew without a doubt. Those strangers had all seen her with Kakashi, all wondered what happened, all wondered how the Uchiha had finally decided to return her stupid love. No one guessed that she’d forgotten those feelings long ago.

“I guess I’m just really bad at this,” Sakura giggled while Sasuke unfolded the paper.

“It doesn’t matter,” Sasuke said, brushing his cheek against hers. “We can practice more when we’re back in the tent, hm?”

As always, her cheeks flushed. Twisting her neck just enough to look into Sasuke’s eyes, Sakura could see from the corner of her eye how they were the center of attention, even though everyone tried to look like they were busy with something. 

Even Kakashi was keeping an eye on them, seemingly not hearing what Sai was telling him until he tugged on Kakashi’s arm.

Sasuke’s lips pressed against hers, and she could hear him telling her to focus again in her mind, telling her to stop looking at Kakashi like that. To stop being so obvious. 

Although she responded to Sasuke’s small displays of affection and let her eyes slide shut when he kissed her, Sakura’s mind was elsewhere, analyzing the odd tingles tickling her lips. The difference from Kakashi’s kisses were astounding.

Sasuke was by all means attractive, at the very least, but she no longer desired him. Maybe Kakashi had hogged that part of herself all to himself lately. Though, she didn’t blame Kakashi at all. She was enjoying herself far too much to complain.

When Sakura opened her eyes again and turned to try and make a paper crane, she scanned the clearing for Kakashi, but he was nowhere to be seen. Neither were Yamato or Sai.

...

When the fire was dwindling, little more than embers now, Sakura stretched, just waking from a nap she hadn’t meant to take. It seemed she had fallen asleep in Sasuke’s arms earlier and he had laid her down. The warmth of his chest still stuck to her back, meaning he was laying with her.

“Look at them, sleeping curled up like that,” someone spoke in hushes behind them.

Though she did not know him, Sakura recognized him as one of the Hyuuga that had joined the group later in the night. 

“Surely no one’s buying that the Uchiha’s the father,” he chuckled.

Sakura tensed. Reminding her that he had probably been holding her a while, Sasuke’s arms tightened around her waist.

“I don’t know,” another said. “She’s always loved him, no? Always been close to everyone on her team, too.”

The first sniggered. “Yeah, until her sensei decided to fuck her silly and put that kid in her.”

The other man remained silent.

“Then again, she’s probably doing both of them,” the Hyuuga laughed. “That whore probably doesn’t even know who’s the real father.”

Sakura tried to sit up, protest building in her chest, but Sasuke held her tighter. 

“Shh,” Sasuke whispered in her ear. “Let them.”

…

Hidden from others' nosy stares inside Sasuke's tent, Sakura slipped her bra out the sleeve of her blouse, sighing exaggeratedly in satisfaction when her breasts were finally loose. With how much they’d grown, she was far overdue for a new bra.

"So much better."

Sasuke was sitting sideways from her, purposely avoiding looking at her while she changed into the shorts she slept in.

Repressing a smile, Sakura unbuttoned the bottom three buttons of her shirt, pulling it open so she could see the small swell of her stomach. "I'm really starting to show now, huh?"

Sasuke nodded, watching with a sudden interest when she ran her palm over belly. "How does it feel?"

Sakura paused. "Strange, I think."

"Wait until you're triple that size."

Biting back a growl, Sakura pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "I'd rather not think about that."

While they prepared for bed, little Asuma wormed himself into her thoughts, reminding her of the awe that had been etched into Naruto's features when he first saw the baby. 

"What would Naruto think?" Sakura breathed out, glancing in Sasuke's direction.

Sasuke's jaw clenched as soon as he heard the name.

"He'd be angry too, wouldn't he?"

With a long sigh, Sasuke turned to face her. "He'd forget all about it if he just saw you smile about it."

"Do I smile about it?"

"When Kakashi is around," Sasuke answered, a hint of annoyance tinting his voice.

Sakura hummed quietly, lying down in her sleeping bag. Kakashi always did know how to make her smile and laugh.

When they were both settled down for the night, Sakura tugged on Sasuke's shirt. "I miss him," she whispered, hating the quiver in her voice. "I miss Naruto so much."

Silent, Sasuke pulled open his sleeping bag so he could wrap an arm around her back. 

"You need to sleep," he said after a moment.

"I know," Sakura breathed out, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. Already, she could feel her chest tighten, the pain overwhelming her every senses. "I just... I can't believe he's dead, I never t-thought..."

Unable to finish her sentence, Sakura's hands flew up to cover her eyes when the tears broke free and sobs racked her body.

Immediately, Sasuke hugged her to his body so tight he almost squeezed the air out of her lungs.

"I'm so sorry, Sakura," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

...

The grunts coming from behind her were what woke Sakura up. Although they were soft and in no way loud, it was plenty to interrupt Sakura's light slumber.

"Sasuke-kun? What is that noise?" 

No answer.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Once her eyes had adjusted to the lack of light, Sakura turned around to see Sasuke. Even though he was lying perfectly still, his jaw was clenched, his eyes squinting.

After what had happened the last time, Sakura did contemplate not waking him up. Still, every time she had been in pain, he had gone out of his way to help her. Whatever was bringing him to the edge of madness in his dreams, it would be wrong to let it go on. She was stronger than Juugo and Suigetsu combined. Certainly she could restrain him without running the risk of being wounded.

Holding her breath, Sakura sat up and shook Sasuke's shoulder carefully. "Sasuke, wake up."

Instantly, Sasuke sprang in a sitting position, chest heaving.

"Sasuke," Sakura called softly, hoping he would come to his senses quickly, but steeling herself for the worst. "It was just a nightmare."

When he turned towards her, Sakura's heart leapt in her throat. In his eyes, she could see crazed look he'd had when he'd almost managed to kill her twice, forcing Naruto and Kakashi to come to her rescue.

Survival instincts kicking in, Sakura straddled Sasuke and pinned him down with both her weight and brutal strength. She'd apologize for the bruises tomorrow.

Furious, he clawed at her arms for freedom, so hard he was surely drawing blood if the stinging and burning was any indication.

As soon as his chest swelled with the start of a scream, Sakura clamped a hand over Sasuke’s mouth to muffle the sound. If Kakashi knew about this, he'd most likely put an end to their charade and ruin his chances of being Hokage.

"Shh, Sasuke-kun," she cooed, ignoring the burning cuts on her arms. "It's just me."

His hands relaxed on her skin, no longer aggressive. Carefully, Sakura removed her palm from his lips so he could breathe properly.

"Sakura?"

Sakura nodded before sliding off his body, allowing Sasuke to sit up. 

Sasuke glanced down at his hands, trembling when he saw their red color. "Blood."

Quickly, Sakura wrapped his hands in the flaps of her blouse and wiped them clean. "No, there's none. See?"

Sasuke took another look before nodding, though he was so still Sakura wondered if he still saw any.

Just as fast, so he wouldn't be able to see what he had done, Sakura passed glowing palms on her arms and erased any trace of blood with her blouse.

"Let's go back to sleep. Okay, Sasuke-kun?"

Thankfully, Sasuke obeyed with no trouble.

…

Sakura stretched lazily, covering her mouth as she yawned. If she had gotten any rest last night, it didn’t show. The whole weight of the Hokage Monument might as well have been resting on her limbs.

“Sakura, why are you wearing my shirt?”

Sitting up, Sakura glanced down at her shirt. Once Sasuke had fallen asleep, she’d changed into it to hide the bloody blouse. 

“I threw up against last night,” Sakura fibbed. “My blouse got some on it and I didn’t have anything else.”

A glance outside the tent rewarded her with the sight of a bright, sunny summer sky. From the sun’s current position, she was most likely running late for her first patients.

“I thought you didn’t have nausea anymore.” Sasuke was sitting cross-legged, relaxed even though his eyes were bloodshot. “Is it normal?”

Sakura nodded quickly, hurrying to change into her pants. “Yeah, no big deal. It happens.”

Once she was done, she crawled to the opening of the tent, dragging along her bag of medical supplies. 

“Are you late?”

Sakura nodded. “Yeah, I think. I’ll see you for lunch?”

Sasuke nodded back.

The walk to the medical district was only a few minutes long, which Sakura stretched a little longer. If it wasn’t the pregnancy draining her energy, she’d rather not think of what it really was. At least if Kakashi could have been there, he’d have known how to distract her.

Gripping the flap of the tent that acted as her office, Sakura expelled a long, tired sigh.   
The day couldn’t be so bad.

“Kakashi?” Sakura gasped when she saw him sitting in her chair. Heart racing, she pulled the tent closed. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I was taking a walk this morning, and…” he trailed off, laying his index finger on his chin as he inspected the ceiling of the tent. “I think I broke my ankle. I’m getting so old, you know?”

Sakura giggled and pursed her lips, anxiety melting out of her tense muscles. “Did you? How bad was the limp?”

Kakashi leaned back in his chair, smirk evident under the stretching of his mask. “Terrible. Ask that nurse that works a few tents over. She was certain she could help me, but I convinced her I needed to see a proper medic.”

Shaking her head, Sakura sat on the chair across from his. “I just can’t believe you. Why would she appoint you to me when I wasn’t even there yet?”

“You mean this is your tent?” Kakashi feigned surprise, scooting on the edge of his seat so he could place his hands on her knees. “Apparently, I was supposed to see a certain Ichiro-san.”

Sakura slapped his shoulder, full lips stretching in a wide smile.The warmth in his eyes, which she instinctively returned, spread to her chest, more than enough for her heart to skip a beat. “You know you shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Doing what?” Kakashi whispered, leaning in closer as he cupped her cheek in his palm. “Getting my ankle healed? I thought that was what you were always chastising me about.”

“I’m not quite sure I’m qualified for that sort of injury,” Sakura chuckled, turning into his touch.

“I was getting curious,” Kakashi said as he ran his palms up her thighs to her waist, stopping briefly when he noticed the shirt. “I get to see everyone else cop a feel, but I haven’t had a chance yet.”

A bright smile curved Sakura’s lips once more as she lifted the shirt over her stomach for him. “It’s really nothing yet. I’m just barely four months along.”

“Does it really matter?” 

Kakashi ran his thumb over her rounding stomach, slow and careful as if he might just poke a hole through it. Under his fingertips, Sakura’s muscles tightened momentarily, tickled and comforted by their familiar caress.

“How surprising to see you here, Kakashi-senpai.”

Both her and Kakashi jumped, but he did not remove his hand. 

Sakura’s small hand wrapped around Kakashi’s, trapping it against her stomach while her green eyes settled on Yamato’s, a hard edge appearing in them. “Yamato-taichou. You’re not injured, are you?”

“Probably not any more than Kakashi.”

Breathing out an annoyed sigh, Sakura tugged her shirt back into place. All along, Kakashi had barely spared his friend a glance, his gaze instead remaining on some indeterminate spot on the examination table, leaving only the back of his head visible to Yamato.

“Tsunade-sama asked me to have you check my arm again,” Yamato said after a long pause, giving up on staring Kakashi down when he still didn’t face him.

“I probably have somewhere to be,” Kakashi said as he stood up.

Sakura grit her teeth, heart swelling painfully when she noticed the look in Kakashi’s eyes, the way he walked by Yamato without saying another word. The hurt and shame flashing in them would probably never reach Yamato. 

“Kakashi, wait,” she called, pushing herself off her chair to chase after him.

Kakashi looked back at her over his shoulder, cheerful smile plastered under his mask. “Thank you for healing my ankle, Sakura-chan. I’ll see you around.”

As he walked further away, his hand waved her goodbye when he turned his back on her.

I’ll see you around. No hint of where, when, how. Nothing.

Sakura turned accusatory eyes on Yamato, but he wasn’t deterred, instead sitting in Kakashi’s seat, every ounce of him defying her to defend Kakashi.

“What do you want now?” she spat, fingernails digging in the fabric of the tent. “Your arm’s been fine for a while now. You didn’t need to do that.”

Yamato fished into his pocket, retrieving a small bottle of pills. “Some guy from a team that went out on a supply run found these prenatal vitamins.”

Examining the vitamins, Sakura felt her fingers trembling, pulling harder on the material of the tent with probably more than enough strength to tear it apart if she just flicked her wrist.

“He was hard to trade with, but I managed to…” Yamato trailed off, raising an eyebrow when his eyes landed on her. “Sakura?” 

Jaw clenched so hard she almost feared for her teeth, Sakura stomped over to where Yamato was sitting and snatched the bottle from his hands. “What do you know about vitamins?” she hissed, flinging the gift to the ground. “I didn’t know you were a medic, Yamato-taichou!”

Yamato recoiled, quickly bending down to pick up the bottle between his cupped palms. “It says prenatal, and… and I checked the expiration date. They’re fine.”

“These are for women with a potassium deficiency caused by anemia,” Sakura let out, her voice rising in volume uncontrollably. “Ingested by a healthy woman like me, it could cause seizures, you dumbass!”

In fact, she was lying through her teeth. The vitamins were just fine, riskless for any woman. Yet guilt wouldn’t be bothering her any time soon for this.

Yamato shrank in his seat, lips thinning into a barely visible line. “I-I’m sorry, Sakura. I didn’t mean any harm! I know I’m not a medic. Of course you would catch something like this.”

Rage still burning, Sakura slammed her palms on the sides of Yamato’s chair, leveling her eyes with his to glare straight at him, oh so satisfied when he practically shook in his seat.

“Do you know why Kakashi-sensei doesn’t do this kind of bullshit?” she asked, barely above her whisper but certain the venom carried into her tone anyway. “Because he trusts me, and he’s the only one who knows I am able to take care of myself and that I’m not just some weak girl who needs you big boys’ help all the time.”

“That’s not what I meant, Sa -- “

“I don’t care what you meant!” she growled, straightening up. “This is my child, my pregnancy. You are not the father, so stay out of it already!”

Shocked into silence, Yamato fled the tent with no further argument. 

Once she was alone, Sakura shuddered, slumping into her chair and burying her face into her palms, furious tears threatening to spill at any second.

“Can I come in?”

“What?” Sakura snapped, twisting her head to look at whoever was stupid enough to bother her after hearing her shout like this. Seeing Sai, she bit her tongue, guilt washing over instantly. “I’m sorry, Sai. Come in.”

“Are you alright?”

Sakura nodded quickly, sniffing as she dabbed the corners of her eyes with her shirt. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“Were you having an argument with Yamato-taichou?” Sai asked, sitting in front of her in the free chair. “You sounded angry.”

Sakura expelled a shaky breath. “It’s okay, really.” When Sai’s bloody shoulder came into her sight, Sakura yelped. “What happened to you?"

“It seems I do not know how to cook,” Sai said, ever so understated and incredibly calm for the amount of blood he was losing. “I thought you could help me with this.”

“Goodness, Sai!” Sakura leaned closer to his arm, shifting her chair to get a better view while pushed the sleeve of his shirt away. “How did you even do this in the kitchen?”

“I’m not quite sure.”

Sakura swallowed the last of the lump that had formed in her throat, focus entirely on her patient’s wound as she pressed her hands over his shoulder, green glow appearing when her chakra spread to him.

“Yamato-taichou seems to disapprove of your choice of sexual partners,” Sai said while he watched her work her magic on his flesh. “I don’t understand why.”

So much for getting rid of that annoying lump. 

“If you and Kakashi-taichou decide to engage in a sexual relationship that is consensual, why does he feel it’s wrong?”

Sakura sighed, done closing the wound already. “It’s because I’m still young, and Kakashi is a lot older than me. Because I’m pregnant.”

“What does a pregnancy change in sexual matters?” 

Even while his tone remained so even, he winced when she poured alcohol on his shoulder and it touched his wound.

“I don’t really know how to explain it, Sai,” Sakura muttered, dabbing at his shoulder with a clean cloth to remove any blood still left. “People think that men Kakashi’s age take advantage of girls my age in order to receive sexual favors, in some cases.”

“Is that the sort of relationship you have with Kakashi-sensei?” Sai asked, a hint of surprise in his tone. “He has always seemed to treat you with the utmost care.”

A small smile graced Sakura’s lips while she pulled his shirt into place, patting his shoulder gently afterwards. “No, we don’t have such a relationship at all.”

“Then why do people have a problem with it?”

“I don’t know,” Sakura sighed, sagging in her chair. “I really don’t know.”

...

The sun setting hadn’t been such a relief to Sakura in quite a while. Her day was over, and she could finally go crawl into the privacy of Sasuke’s tent and curl up and die until tomorrow. It probably wouldn’t be so hard to get him to leave her alone, anyway.

Still, Sakura trudged through the camp, having one last duty to complete before she could hide in a hole for the night. 

One of her patients, a woman from Waterfall, was bedridden with no one to care for her. Ai, who usually played delivery girl for such cases, had said she was too sick to work today. Probably lovesick over some jerk. 

Just before she reached Aki's tent, Sakura spotted Kurenai exiting another tent to her right. 

Surely, seeing little Asuma’s bubbly face would cheer her up a little. “Kurenai-sensei!” 

Kurenai turned towards Sakura, her red eyes widening considerably when she recognized her. Strangely enough, her baby was nowhere to be seen. 

Before she could reach Kurenai, a man roughly a decade older than Kakashi came out of the same tent, running a large palm up the ample curve of Kurenai’s hip. “Price was steep, but damn you were worth it.”

Sakura froze in her steps, needing to hear no more to comprehend what had happened. 

Sliding a hesitant hand up her own arm, Kurenai avoided Sakura’s gaze. It wasn’t long before the older woman fled, supplying Sakura with no explanation whatsoever.

....

Finally inside Sasuke’s tent, Sakura bypassed him and dropped face first into her sleeping bag, letting her head sink into her pillow to suffocate her for a moment.

“Did I miss something?”

Sakura growled and flung the first object she found at Sasuke, who narrowly dodged it. “What do you care!"

While she glowered at him, Sasuke only stared at her. 

“Have you had dinner yet?” he asked, skipping over the previous subject as if it had never existed, as he always seemed to do.

Why talk when you can just ignore it?

“Will you stop babying me already?” Sakura screeched, hugging her pillow tightly while she lied on her side, back turned to Sasuke. “I don’t need to be spoonfed!” 

Sasuke remained silent. 

“I am not hormonal!” Sakura growled, digging her fingernails into her pillow. “I can hear you think it all the way over here!”

Without a word, Sasuke went away, leaving her curled up alone in her corner just like she’d wished for.

“I’ll do just fine with you,” Sakura whispered to herself, pressing her palm to her belly. “I will, just wait and see.”

Nonetheless, her stomach growled, lamenting in hunger even if she had just finished eating dinner. 

Unable to repress the mounting misery that had threatened to overwhelm her for the whole day, Sakura sobbed into her pillow, relenting her fight against the tears that spilled from her eyes.


	12. Hormones

The moment he’d woken up and noticed Sakura was wearing his shirt, Sasuke had remembered the previous night’s nightmare, the way she’d held him down while he struggled under her, too lost in his mind to realize what he was doing to her. It couldn’t be a coincidence that she had discarded the blouse. 

As soon as Sakura had left the tent, saying she was probably late for her shift, Sasuke had started searching for the blouse. 

Locating it had been an easy task; Sakura had simply shoved it underneath her sleeping bag. 

And just as expected, Sasuke had found it bloodied. While he couldn’t remember what sort of wound he had inflicted her, it was clear that the blood was only hers and not his. 

His shoulders still ached from the bruises she had given him, which remained even three weeks later, but the skin hadn’t been broken.

Still, Sakura hadn’t said a word or given any sign that he’d attacked her. Instead, she laughed, swatting at his hands while his fingers tickled the sensitive spot of skin he’d found near her ribs when he’d given her stomach another rub.

“Stop it, Sasuke-kun!” Her protest held so little seriousness that Sasuke could only grin, renewing his efforts twofold. “I can’t take it anymore!”

Sakura tried to flee, but the endeavor was only half-hearted. They both knew he would be too fast for her to be able to get away. Or maybe it just made a good enough show of their lunch. 

When Sasuke pulled her into his lap, she struggled, toned legs kicking the air mercilessly. 

“I saw you pass some of your food to that kid,” he whispered against Sakura’s ear, loosening his hold on her when he felt her breasts over his arm. “You need to stop doing that.”

A few feet behind him, Sasuke could clearly hear complaints of his overtly ‘dirty’ behavior, but paid it no mind. Rumors of the child’s parentage had already lessened, and that was all that mattered to Sakura. 

“And don’t you think that this is a little much?” Sakura straightened somewhat, leaning more of her weight on his thighs instead of on the arms she had wrapped around his neck. Sultry eyes locked with his, she inched closer, so her lips almost brushed with his. “I didn’t remember this kind of thing being in our contract, Sasuke-kun.”

Sasuke gave a quick shrug of his shoulders, pressing his lips against her for a long, gentle kiss. “It has the desired effect.”

“It does,” Sakura giggled against his ear. “On you, at least. I can feel it on my thigh.”

Sasuke blinked, not amused. “What?”

Laughing, Sakura stood up and winked at him. “Good plan, Sasuke-kun. I have to be somewhere now, but I can’t wait to get back to the tent tonight.”

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek, all too glad to know his body hadn’t actually betrayed him so and that Sakura was only joking. “Don’t be late.”

In another fit of giggles, Sakura left him to endure the dirty looks and sniggers by himself. Well, he’d started it, hadn’t he?

Maybe Suigetsu was right. Maybe he needed to get laid if he was so flustered by a joke coming from Sakura.

 

\---

As much as he knew that having a libido was more than normal, Sasuke still wished he could obliterate it for the time being. Always having Sakura in his arms, pressed against him or even kissing her was creating a strain he hadn’t expected. Worse, even if Sasuke had told Suigetsu otherwise, her blouse truly was see-through without a bra on. Then again, he’d been stupid to think that any attractive woman would leave him cold in such situations. Sakura was far from his thoughts when his mind strayed, but she made it hard to return to a sober state.

“Sasuke,” Gaara called from Sasuke’s side, returning his attention to reality. “It’s unusual to see you here.”

Taking a walk in Sand district, where his name wasn’t as despised or known, had seemed like the perfect way to distract himself. 

“I thought the air might be lighter here,” Sasuke said, hand on the hip he shifted his weight onto.

“My living quarters are no resort, but maybe they will provide the privacy you seek?” 

Sasuke’s eyebrow raised slightly as he observed the Kazekage. They’d only met while in the chuunin exam, but Sasuke didn’t doubt they knew a lot more about each other than what had transpired of their exchange back then.

“Lead the way then.”

Gaara’s home was far from what Sasuke had expected. He’d seen stakes laid out in squares scattered around the district, but hadn’t realized that they consisted of the housing for a portion of Suna’s citizens. 

For a moment, Sasuke was almost jealous. This was far more private than the thin walls of a tent. 

“I guess even the best lovers need time away from their girlfriends,” Gaara chuckled while he took a seat at his table. 

Sasuke followed suit, cheek in his palm when he leaned his elbow on the table. “Company on the side would be more than welcome.”

The blush that spread across Gaara’s cheeks made it difficult for Sasuke to hold back a laugh. It wasn’t hard to remember how embarrassed Gaara had been when they’d played cards together and he had admitted to being a virgin.

“I guess so.”

“Can’t really do anything but guess, hm?” Sasuke teased, pleased when Gaara’s face grew a few shades darker. “Stop being so embarrassed about it.”

“I must be the first Kage to be a virgin.” The joke was lighthearted, as was the smile that was just beginning to appear on Gaara’s lips. “Don’t you think?”

“I don’t doubt it at all,” Sasuke chuckled. “Aren’t you the youngest as well, though?”

“Kazekage, yes.” Gaara nodded, crossing his arms on the table, relaxing considerably. “But if we are to speak about age only, that hasn’t hindered several of our comrades.”

“Some have been less busy than others.”

Sasuke’s eyes scanned the dugout, trying to track down the next thing that might hold his attention for a few seconds.

“How did you have time for it?”

Around his cheek, Sasuke’s fingers tightened, scratching his skin lightly. “It was made for me.”

“I don’t understand.” Gaara’s dark eyes had widened slightly and he cocked his head to the side just barely, probably not even noticing that he did it. “What does that mean?”

Sighing, Sasuke inspected his free hand. “If I was offered a whore in Orochimaru’s care, surely you have been offered three times more.”

Gaara’s silence only intensified the needles prickling Sasuke’s skin. 

“I’m joking.”

“Are you?” Gaara’s voice had tightened considerably, but the bitterness Sasuke had expected was absent.

It was Sasuke’s turn to leave his company without an answer. Gaara sighed.

“Perhaps it is not right to admit,” Gaara started, running a hand through his hair, “but among all our friends, I am the only one to have walked a path filled with hatred such as yours.”

Jaw clenched, Sasuke watched Gaara through narrowed eyes, the muscles in his thighs tight and ready to flee.

“I have done my share of…” On the table, Gaara’s hands clasped harder together. “My share of wrongs. If you wish to lighten your burden, I will listen and know that you are not the same person today. Few will offer you that opportunity. None have for me.”

For a while, Sasuke didn’t speak, instead clenching his teeth to keep his mouth shut. Many words demanded to slip through, but Sasuke hesitated. When offered a helpful hand, it was so common to find a knife under it.

“Orochimaru believed that a man’s needs were to be taken care of if he was to have a clear head. The moment I stopped looking like a child, he sent a girl to visit me. Emi. I was never told that she was sent for that specific purpose, but it wasn’t hard to understand. Emi did her job wonderfully, without a doubt. If she ever disliked me, I could never have told. Perhaps I was too arrogant to think she could.”

There was a moment of silence before Gaara finally spoke. “I must say it wasn’t quite as a bad as I expected, if it is any comfort.”

“Is it any less rape if you aren’t the one to order it?” Sasuke chuckled while he stood. “I’m sure Suigetsu has gotten himself in a mess I need to fix.”

Before Gaara could say anything else, Sasuke was on his way.

\---

Emi.

Lately, the name resounded in Sasuke’s mind more and more often. So much so that he’d even told Gaara about her on a whim. It was quickly becoming an annoyance that he’d rather be rid of, but at the same time didn’t want to let go of.

Laid out in the grass of the old training grounds, Sasuke closed his eyes, imbibing the sunlight like some lazy cats had once had the habit of doing by his old house. 

Emi’s face -- and features -- were as fresh in Sasuke’s mind as if he’d seen her the night before.

Long black hair, a pretty round face… There’d always been a light to her eyes that had drawn Sasuke in. Perhaps a spark akin to rebellion, a fire to remind him to remain on edge at all times even around the frail girl she’d been. Under the cute looks of her dainty curves and obedient demeanor, an assassin remained -- hidden and ready to pounce, just as those lazy cats in the Uchiha district that would strike down a bird between two baths of sunlight without their prey even knowing what had hit them.

It wasn’t the looks that had attracted Sasuke, nor the curiosity of his first sexual experience. 

No, those motives were far more innocent than he could ever be.

The moment Emi had sought him out to offer to help him with his bath, Sasuke had known the true reason behind her visit. All he’d wanted was to see how far she would go before begging him to stop. See how far her fear of Orochimaru would take her. 

Indeed, she must have been terrified of him.

Although, after several week’s worth of biweekly visits, Sasuke had started wondering if Emi was still obeying orders. Arrogant as he was, he had preferred to think she had grown accustomed to their encounters and had no wishes to stop.

After all, didn’t she moan and beg for him time and time again?

No matter how many times he tried, he could never pull her hair hard enough, dig his nails deep enough in her skin or sink his teeth into her flesh far enough for her to ask him to stop.

Emi only asked for more, though it was sometimes through tears and gritted teeth.

Just thinking of her beneath him, whimpering and groaning while he fucked her, goosebumps rose on Sasuke’s skin. 

There was little he wouldn’t give to have Emi with him right now, demand that she relieve his urges just as he had so many times before.

Expelling an irritated breath, Sasuke opened his eyes to stare at the pristine summer sky.   
Perhaps if he had really wanted her so badly, he wouldn’t have left her to rot in Orochimaru’s compound. 

\---

When Sakura didn’t meet him for dinner once the sun had started to set, Sasuke had set out to find her. Kakashi had already found a way to meet her once and Sakura most likely wouldn’t refuse him if he tried again. Or worse, Kakashi certainly wouldn’t if Sakura came to him. 

“Ino?” Sasuke called when he reached her tent.

It wasn’t long before Ino’s blonde head poked through the opening, eyebrows almost reaching up to her hairline. “Sasuke?”

“Sakura told me she was spending the afternoon with you,” Sasuke said, narrowing his eyes. Clearly, Sakura wasn’t here. “Where is she?”

“Sakura can be wherever she wants,” Ino scoffed while she stood before him. “Why do you think I’d know where she is?”

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke ran a hand through his knotted hair, baffled by Sakura’s behavior. That girl was even more naive than he’d thought, if she assumed she could sneak away without being caught.

“Kakashi-san came by earlier to inquire about the tainted grain,” Lee said, appearing from behind Ino. “I told him Ino-chan was still working on it, and he insisted on visiting the grain storage again, though he didn’t request Ino-chan’s presence.”

Sasuke nodded, relieved Lee understood why he needed to keep an eye on Sakura. “I’ll go check on him, then.”

\---

Once he’d managed to get in the storage, it hadn’t been long before Sasuke figured out where he’d find Sakura and Kakashi. The building -- one of the only wooden ones to be built in Konoha yet -- was almost always empty and possessed several rooms. At least they’d chosen the least attractive one. The smell of the fertilizer surely made more than a few flee.

Undeterred, Sasuke stood by the door, his presence not yet detected.

“Aren’t you cute,” Kakashi chuckled.

Sakura scoffed and the sound of a slap on cloth echoed. “You’re just trying to get in my pants.”

The shuffling of clothes tempted Sasuke to peek inside, but he remained patient, curiosity winning over his impatience. 

“I wonder why I think you wouldn’t mind that.” Kakashi’s voice was light, a warmth behind it that was foreign to Sasuke. “You’ve been giving me these looks lately. I was afraid you’d eat me whole when I finally got to see you.”

Sakura laughed. Sakura laughed with Sasuke, like when he had tickled her earlier, or sometimes when he made a joke. How she laughed right now, though, was nothing like that. Her laughter was deep and rich, filled to the brim with joy.

“Shizune warned me about the increase in libido some women experience.” Well, that was a detail Sasuke could have done without. “It’s too bad I rarely get to be alone. I miss solitaire.”

It was Kakashi’s turn to laugh. Much like hers, his voice was carefree.

“I’ve missed you,” he breathed out slowly. “You’re making it a tad harder on me, telling me this.”

Sakura sighed, a new heaviness in her tone. “I miss being with you. I miss having you within arm’s reach when I sleep.”

“I don’t miss your snoring.”

Indignantly, Sakura scoffed, but the happiness she’d expressed earlier still dripped from the sound. 

“So you miss playing solitaire,” Kakashi whispered, between the sounds of a few kisses. “Is that all you miss, Sakura-chan?”

Sakura’s next words were too low for Sasuke to understand them, but he didn’t miss the rustling of fabric or her sharp gasp.

Sasuke cursed under his breath and gave a soft slap to the wall, loud enough for Kakashi and Sakura to catch it and react before he entered the room. If they hadn’t done it yet, it was their loss.

“You’re late, Sakura.”

Sakura was still clutching the bottom of her shirt, pulling the material down as if it might fly up on its own. The shock in Kakashi’s eyes matched Sakura’s perfectly, as did his stiff posture. 

“I thought you’d take this more seriously.”

While there was indeed anger burning in his chest, it had slipped through Sasuke’s throat unplanned. Sakura’s eyebrows bunched together, eyes narrowed in a rash reaction he knew all too well from her. 

“What are you doing here?” Sakura muttered, showing no effort to contain her temper. 

“No,” Sasuke scoffed, placing a tense hand on his hip. “What are you doing here?”

Although anger still flashed in her eyes, Sakura averted her gaze and pinched her lower lip between her teeth.

The glance he spared Kakashi did nothing to quell Sasuke’s bitterness. There was a reason that Kakashi wasn’t saying a word in Sakura’s favor; Sasuke could see it from a mile away. Kakashi knew he was wrong.

“I already told you,” Sakura growled, meeting Sasuke’s glare head on. “I don’t need to be babied.”

“Do you?” Sasuke chuckled, fully ready to face the tantrum that was brewing in Sakura. “You didn’t hear me coming, did you?”

“What do you care either way?” she spat. Once more, she allowed her voice to carry more than it should; once more, she was careless. “What does it change for you?”

Muscles tight and wishing for no more than to release their frustration on any nearby object, Sasuke took a step forward, gritting his teeth. 

“Nothing,” Sasuke said, low and steady, but oozing hostility. “It changes nothing for me.”

Body tense, Kakashi stepped in front of Sakura, herding her behind him. Sasuke turned his head to the side, teeth clenched as he tried to swallow the rage that boiled and swelled in his chest, threatening to spill no matter how hard he tried to contain it.

“Remind me what it changes for you?” 

Hand gripping Kakashi’s sleeve to hold him back, Sakura shrank behind him, eyes narrowing, but under the weight of guilt rather than anger. 

Kakashi didn’t relent, remaining defensive and ready to attack if necessary. 

Sasuke could feel every muscles in his face tighten, hear the complaints of his teeth against the pressure. “It’ll never be enough for you.”

Watching the planks under his feet, Sasuke inhaled deeply before he turned away. He’d felt his fist connect with the wall, felt the wood splinter and break his skin, but he was far away from it. If that was what Kakashi thought of him and if Sakura was just going cower behind her precious sensei, then so be it. Without a word to add, Sasuke walked away, leaving Sakura and Kakashi to do as they pleased if they wanted it so badly.

\---

Perhaps it hadn’t been the best of ideas, to come to the Memorial Stone. Strained in the darkness the moon alone couldn’t dissipate, Sasuke’s eyes trailed over the many names engraved in the piece of rock, the physical evidence of Konoha’s lies and deception. 

If Konoha had been half as great as they all pretended, Itachi’s name would have been among all these other supposed heroes that gave their life for a village that did nothing for them but raise and train them to die. 

The one child he would try to protect would most likely suffer such a fate, if its mother didn’t before it even had the chance to try.

“I didn’t expect to see you here so late, Sasuke-kun.”

Sasuke’s head snapped towards Hinata, eyes barely widened in surprise. How did this girl keep sneaking up on him so effectively?

“My bed was empty,” Sasuke said, previous feelings and thoughts well camouflaged. “Might as well take a midnight walk.”

Hinata only hummed and sat on her calves besides him, close enough to warm the exposed skin on his arms.

After a moment, Sasuke could see Hinata turn to look at him from the corner of his eye, a gentle smile on her thin, curvy lips. “I can keep you company.”

Hinata was a strange girl, if Sasuke could call her that. While most pinned her as shy and brittle, he only guessed her to be a cunning girl who knew how to work her charm just as well as Sakura did. 

“Be careful,” Sasuke whispered, smirk twisting his lips. “I just might snap that frail neck of yours.”

Hinata only giggled, covering her mouth with ever so hesitant fingers. 

“I never knew I was so humorous.”

“Sasuke-kun underestimates me,” she said, throwing him a look that was by all means brimming with her unique gentleness. Still, a shiver ran up Sasuke’s back and stiffened it. “But I do not underestimate Sasuke-kun. You won’t.”

“Some could take example on you,” Sasuke chuckled, leaning his weight on his elbows that pressed into his thighs.

“Is that why your bed was empty?”

Lips shut, Sasuke ran his tongue over the tips of his teeth. “Perhaps. There are other conveniences I cannot offer Sakura that Kakashi will be happy to.”

Conveniences that were painfully lacking on Sasuke’s side.

As dark as it was, Sasuke could still notice the difference of color on Hinata’s cheeks. “I see.”

Hinata’s gaze remained on him, probably expecting him to continue to babble on about whatever was troubling him, but Sasuke didn’t speak another word. 

There was no reason to talk when she looked at him like that, when her thigh pressed against his against her better judgment. Much less when he could see the fabric of her bra, the swell of her breast, through a gaping of her shirt that Hinata had failed to notice. 

Steady and firm, Sasuke’s fingers trailed up from Hinata’s forearm to her neck, every goosebump that rose widening the smirk on his lips. Hinata’s skin felt just as it looked, soft and light as a cloud. Even while he was focused on the strand of her hair he was toying with -- hair that was strangely like Emi’s -- Sasuke could see Hinata’s lips parting, though they remained silent.

Hinata failed to react, whether it was to the way he had grasped the hair at the base of her skull and pulled her towards him or the way he looked down at her through half-lidded eyes so he could inspect the details of her face. Hinata remained still in his hold, chest pressed against his own and neck bent backwards in a way that certainly wasn’t comfortable.

Sasuke could feel the tension in her body, stiff as a board, increase when he almost closed the distance between their lips. Her breath fanned against his lips in small, nervous puffs, enticing Sasuke perhaps more than the insistent pressure of her breasts on his chest whenever she inhaled. 

The girl could kill a man with her bare hands on the battlefield, but couldn’t move a finger off of it.

Hinata would not refuse him.

Not audibly, at least.

Still, before he could trap her lips between his and taste the sweetness of the whimper she would emit when his teeth pinched the pink skin, Sasuke stopped.

No matter how much he wanted to think of Hinata’s naked body, all that Sasuke could see was Naruto’s smile, the smile he reserved for Hinata. The smile he’d flashed her when they held hands on the battlefield before Madara. 

Gradually, Sasuke loosened his hold on her smooth hair, holding his sigh in until he lifted his head so she wouldn’t feel it. 

He stood up, leaving Hinata on the ground. The corner of his mouth lifted into his trademark smirk, the smirk that probably made many hate him from the get-go.

Slowly, Sasuke turned his back on her, taking deliberately relaxed steps in the direction of the camp.

“Do you still think you don’t underestimate me, Hinata-chan?”

Just when he thought he was far enough to be rid of her, Hinata spoke, “I do.”

\---

When he found Sakura lying in the sleeping bag besides his, Sasuke hesitated to enter his tent. Once bedtime had passed, he had imagined she would spend the night with Kakashi, forget all about their charade and come clean. But no, she was in his tent, after the outburst he’d left her on in the fertilizer shed.

The noise he made when slipping inside stirred Sakura and she pushed herself in a sitting position quickly, looking at him with wide, hesitant eyes.

However he looked at her, it seemed to encourage Sakura, as she pulled Sasuke into her arms and hugged him tight. 

“What does this mean?” Sasuke asked after a moment, arms straight at his side.

Sakura glanced up at him, eyes watery and quivering. “I’m sorry.”

Maybe if she got down on all fours and let him fuck her, he could forgive her.

Sasuke almost rolled his eyes at his own thoughts, chastising himself silently for not being able to control his hormones.

“So I’m still the father?”

Sakura hesitated, the puff of her anxious breaths warming his chest. “If you’re still okay with it.”

Watching her closely, Sasuke wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tipped her chin back. 

It was hard to tell if the nervous streak in her eyes was guilt or helplessness. Guilt for her actions towards him, or her own helplessness to change Kakashi’s situation?

“Stop being stupid,” Sasuke said, letting go of her so he could lie down in his sleeping bag. The day had been long enough already. “You have the final say in this.”

Sakura remained still for a moment. His answer was satisfactory enough for her to go back to sleep once she’d mulled over it for a minute, it seemed.

\---

If the morning had been awkward between them after their fight, Sasuke and Sakura showed no hint of it tonight, by the bonfire. Being surrounded by their friends and a couple Hyuuga certainly worked wonders to improve their acting skills. Nonetheless, once more, Sakura laughed in his hold, trapped between his legs where they sat in front of the fire.

“Sensitive here, aren’t you?” Sasuke chuckled against Sakura’s ear, tickling that same sweet spot of hers again. 

Sakura writhed against him, doing her best to repel his insistent hands. “I can’t believe you won’t let this go already!”

There truly was some anger in her voice, but Sasuke loved every second of it. 

“Not when I’ve got you wrapped around my finger like this, Sakura.”

Sakura shrieked, sinking in his arms in an attempt to escape, though all it did was make her shirt ride up and she straightened herself up again. Using strength he didn’t know her capable of, Sakura pushed his hands away, fingers wrapped around his wrist so tight he’d probably sport bruises the next day.

“I can have you wrapped around my finger too, Sasuke-kun,” she whispered, now facing him. “Don’t underestimate me. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

Sasuke couldn’t help the smirk that grew on his lips. Perhaps he was wrong to doubt her, but this was entertaining enough.

“Do you? Are you gonna cry?”

The way Sakura’s jaw clenched certainly didn’t make his smirk any smaller. 

Across the fire, Kakashi was also gritting his teeth, or so Sasuke assumed he was doing through his mask. After their little tryst, Kakashi deserved the entirety of this.

“You want a show?” Sakura breathed in Sasuke’s ear, swallowing the bait whole. “I can do a show.”

Running his hand up Sakura’s throat until he cupped her jaw, Sasuke licked the tips of his teeth behind his lips. “I’d love to see you try, princess.”

Sakura looked down at him -- needing to do so now that’s he’d tipped her head back -- a fire behind her eyes that Sasuke absolutely loved. 

“Call me princess again,” she dared, backing up only to straddle his lap. “You’ll regret it. I swear.”

“Gimme a kiss, princess,” he demanded, raising his voice enough to be heard by those sitting close enough.

There was a thrill to defying her so -- a thrill of the unknown, perhaps, as he realized now how little he knew of her skills -- and he wouldn’t stop until there was enough pain to justify it. It’d been a while since his heart had raced like this.

Sakura complied far more easily to his challenge than he’d expected. Up to now, he’d been the only one to initiate physical contact, so it was a nice change. 

When she bit down on his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood, Sasuke wasn’t so glad anymore.

“That’s how you’re gonna play?” he growled, tangling his hand in the hair on the back of her head, then tugging. “You might want to change strategies.”

Sakura didn’t heed his warning, not one bit. Instead, she imitated him, running her fingers through his hair until she found a satisfactory strand to pull. Sasuke only matched her moves, certainly causing Sakura more pain than she was inflicting him. 

“Why?” she whispered, pressing her forehead to his, the look in her eyes telling him this wasn’t about to be over. “Because I just might win?”

Licking his teeth again, Sasuke trailed his fingers up Sakura’s side to wrap around the side of her neck. The pressure he was applying was enough to restrain her breathing, but not dangerously so. The racing pulse of her heart under her skin raised goosebumps on Sasuke’s, reminding him that this little game shouldn’t last too long.

Still, Sakura’s lips met his again, more demanding than any of their previous contacts had been. The opportunity was too perfect; Sasuke trapped her lower lip between his teeth and bit, just like she had. 

When Sakura whimpered, Sasuke inhaled sharply and pulled her tighter against him. 

Again, when he pulled the hair at the base of her skull, she whimpered.

It was a bit too late.

Sakura tried to push herself away from him, hands on his chest for leverage, but her hips only pressed harder against his and there was no doubt that she felt what was going on down there.

At the very least, Sasuke wasn’t too far gone to know Sakura wasn’t doing this on purpose, so when she struggled, he let her go.

The heat her eyes reflected at him surprised him somewhat, but after what he’d heard her tell Kakashi about the pregnancy hormones, Sasuke wasn’t so concerned about it.

“So, did you win?” he was grinning so wide his cheeks hurt.

Sakura scoffed and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “It’s hard to win when your style of play involves this.”

“I warned you.”

Sakura was no less flustered by his response. Swallowing visibly, she moved off of him to sit by his side instead.

Maybe it was because of their little show, but the amount of partygoers seemed to have diminished considerably in the meantime. This time, Kakashi hadn’t left.

They didn’t speak for a while, simply leaning on one another while they waited for time to pass. It wasn’t so long before there were only a few people left around the bonfire. The proportion of Hyuuga was starting to resemble the amount of Hyuuga in power positions of Konoha.

“I’m going to go bathe,” Sakura said suddenly, covering a yawn with her fist. “I found a clean pool earlier when I took a walk.”

The exchange of looks with Kakashi had only lasted a split second, but Sasuke could have recognized it miles away. 

“I’ll go with you, then,” he said, helping her stand up.

“I can go by myself, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura said lightly, swatting at his shoulder playfully. “I don’t need you around to protect me all the time.”

“Do you think that’s why I want to go?” Sasuke replied, purposefully loud enough to be heard, but not so much that it’d be strange. “I have more than one reason to be around when you bathe, Sakura.”

To prove his point, Sasuke pulled her into his embrace and captured her lips again, a little rougher than he expected himself to be. Either way, it would only make it sound more convincing if he looked horny.

This presented another problem, though.

Hadn’t Sakura realized yet that the Hyuuga wouldn’t take their eyes off of her now that she’d said something so suggestive?

Defeated, Sakura let him lead her away, speaking up only when they were far out of earshot. “Sasuke.”

Sasuke stepped in front of her, pressing her forehead to his chin so her lips wouldn’t be visible to any Hyuuga that might be watching. 

“You’re not really going to come with me, are you?”

Sighing, Sasuke buried his face in her neck. 

“You have no idea what you’ve done, do you?” he growled. “They’re watching us. They won’t leave so easily now.”

Sakura stiffened against him with a gasp. 

“Let’s hurry up,” Sasuke said as he grabbed her hand, dragging her along behind him.

It wasn’t long before they’d reached the pool that Sakura had mentioned.

At this point, Sasuke didn’t know what to do. False -- he knew exactly what to do. But was she okay with it?

Standing behind her, Sasuke placed his hands on her shoulder, squeezing them gently while he placed a kiss behind her ear. “We can always stop this, if that’s what you want.”

Sakura only shook her head.

“I’ll figure something out then,” he whispered, sliding his hands down to her waist to slip under her shirt. “Just trust me.”

She nodded, though Sasuke wondered if she really would. She was so stiff he was scared to snap her in two if he just poked her too hard.

When the shirt was up over her head and discarded to the ground, Sasuke had been tempted to peek over her shoulder. It was unlikely he wouldn’t get an eyeful at this point, after all. Ignoring the whim, he unhooked her bra and let her slide out of it for him. Obedient for once, she even shimmied out of her shorts and underwear.

Sasuke wasn’t long to join her in her state of undress, making sure to distract her with small kisses or touches so she wouldn’t feel like she had to turn around.

Naked as a baby, Sasuke scanned the surroundings quickly.

Could they hide behind a tree? No, it was unlikely they could pinpoint the exact angle where the Hyuuga couldn’t see. They could simply move around.

The grass wasn’t an option. There was no way to hide effectively in it.

The water? Cold, probably, but perfect otherwise.

“I’ve always wanted to do it underwater,” he chuckled against the skin of her neck, not quite sure what he found funny about such a situation.

Watching Sakura walk towards the river, it was hard not to think of the way she had whimpered when he bit her, the way she’d winced when he pulled her hair… The bright side was that not having an erection when you looked at your naked girlfriend and were about to fuck her would have been suspicious.

When he trapped her between his arms against the ledge of the river, Sasuke could see that Sakura had loosened up considerably, most likely having understood his plan. Hyuuga couldn’t see underwater.

Wanting no more than to be over with it, Sasuke pressed his mouth to hers, moving with a hunger that wasn’t hard to fake lately.

Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck, using him to keep her head comfortably out of the water. Being shorter than he was, the water came up to her jaw. It was unlikely that the river would be any less deep, except maybe at its bank, but the change became too large too quickly, and they simply wouldn’t be covered there.

To try and help her, Sasuke held her around her torso, but this left him unable to make any convincing movements. 

Sakura sighed against his neck. “Let’s just…”

Without waiting for his approval, she wrapped her legs around his hips and hoisted herself up. 

If he’d been worried about not having any eye candy, Sasuke was proven plenty wrong. He could even taste the goddamn candy if he wanted.

Needing at least some kind of distraction to focus on, he kissed Sakura again, giving awkward thrusts of his hips that created small waves on the surface of the water. 

Careful, fearing he might be punched for it, Sasuke trailed his fingers up Sakura’s body, until he could fondle one of her breasts. The pain he’d steeled himself for didn’t come; instead, Sakura arched her back, leaning the back of her head on the earth behind her. 

Well, she didn’t have any trouble making this believeable.

For the sake of persuasion, Sasuke lowered his lips, brushing them them against her neck and chest before he closed them around one of her erect nipples. 

Sakura gave a sharp gasp, only encouraging him.

When he bit down on it, only a tad too hard, Sasuke didn’t think about what he was doing.

The whimper that Sakura let out did remind him for a second, but it did a better job to make him forget.

So, he did it again. 

Sakura’s hands came up to grasp locks of his hair, though Sasuke did not mind the pain. 

Satisfied by the slightly unnatural swell of the nipple in his mouth, Sasuke moved on to abuse the other the same way, spurred on by any sounds that came out of Sakura’s throat.

Still, when he bucked his hips too hard, too close to her for comfort, Sasuke knew he had to stop.

“Kiss my neck,” he rasped, fingers gripping Sakura’s hair too hard in his effort to remain composed.

For a second, Sakura had looked confused, but she obeyed anyway. 

It was hard not to recoil when her lips tickled his skin. 

For some reason, he’d always hated the sensation. Emi had tried to make him lose the sensitivity a few times, but he’d always found some other way to busy her mouth when she tried.

Truth be told, Sasuke felt the hold of Sakura’s legs loosen around his waist, felt them slip long before she did. 

Maybe she had, too. 

When her body slid lower against his, Sasuke didn’t try to stop it.

Instead, he slammed her against the earthen wall behind her, grit his teeth when the warmth of her core pressed against his erection. 

In his arms, he’d felt Sakura shudder, heard the small moan she tried to conceal.

Hell was certainly more merciful than this woman.

Jaw clenched, Sasuke resumed the suggestive movements of his hips. It was impossibly harder not to think of just thrusting into her to satisfy the craving that had been nagging him for more than a month now, but somehow, he managed to hold on to a parcel of control.

The quivering of Sakura’s thighs against his didn’t help either, nor how hot and slippery she was every time they happened to brush together. She hadn’t been kidding about the pregnancy hormones making her impossibly horny.

As if to spite him, Sakura tightened her hold on him, forcing him to press and slide against her. 

Sasuke couldn’t stop the air from leaving his lungs, his throat from forming a pained grunt.

If it wasn’t enough, Sakura tugged at his hair, making his fingers do the same to her with a mind of their own. 

Sakura groaned, arching into him.

“Fuck.”

When he aligned his erection with her entrance, Sakura didn’t stop him.

Not at all.

Sakura moaned and locked her lips with his.

Behind his closed eyelids, Sasuke could feel his eyes roll back into his head when he finally sank into her.

Fuck, she was hot.

Sasuke no longer hesitated, he thrusted into her, hard, again and again, spurred on by every little mewl that came out of her.

The harder he slammed his hips into hers, the more his feet slipped in the mud below them. He’d be damned before he let something as stupid as mud interrupt this.

She gasped in surprise when Sasuke pulled on the hair near her nape, but didn’t protest when their lips crashed together in another kiss, save for the whimpers when he bit too hard, but those only made him want to fuck her harder.

This was a good enough distraction for Sasuke to be able to move towards the bank, until only an inch or two remained and they were mostly at the mercy of warm summer air.

When he placed her down on the ground and put some distance between them, she’d tried to keep him closer, but Sasuke would have none of it. She didn’t put up much resistance when he spun her on her stomach and pushed down on her upper back, making sure her hips stayed at the desired height with his other hand. 

Without the water in the way, she felt even better when he entered her again. Hotter, wetter.

The difference seemed to be a positive for her as well if he could judge from her long, drawn-out moan. 

Sasuke restarted pumping in and out of her, emitting a few grunts out of sheer pleasure himself. 

Once her moans became more even and steady, Sasuke leaned forward, grabbing a handful of her hair to pull her head back. She groaned in protest and Sasuke’s hips jerked involuntarily, burying him deeper into her.

Breath coming in erratic pants, Sasuke closed his lips around Sakura’s neck, biting and sucking hard enough on it for bruises to appear soon enough.

She grunted and whimpered, struggling weakly against his aggressive teasing.

“Stop fighting,” Sasuke rasped against her skin. “You’re enjoying this far too much to make me believe you want me to stop.”

Her shaky moan only proved him right, as expected. 

While his fingernails dug into the skin of her hips and most likely broke it, he growled, “That’s how you wanted me to fuck you, didn’t you?”

She whimpered below him, equal parts pleasure and pain. 

“Say it out loud!”

“Fuck me harder!”

Sasuke’s lips twitched into a smirk and he complied.

Already, he could feel the muscles in his thighs and abdomen tighten, the pleasure building up and threatening to burst at any second in every fiber of him.

Just before it happened, Sasuke pulled out of her, watching his seed spill on her ass and back with every pulse of his member. Through gritted teeth, he groaned loudly, closing his eyes while the relief washed over him.


	13. Underneath

Wishing never to visit another bonfire in his lifetime, Kakashi wiped the mud off his sandals on the grass before unzipping the flap of his tent too forcefully. In the dying light, he was unsure if the material tore, but he couldn't bring himself to care either way. When he ducked inside, his desperate, silent plea for solitude was unceremoniously denied.

“Where were you all night?” Suigetsu whined, sitting up with unsteady balance, sloshing what Kakashi recognized as something the camp had deemed "moonshine." The name was far too flattering; the stuff was probably more useful if one were looking to peel paint, but if you drank enough it, it hit hard nonetheless.

Suigetsu took another swig of it, groaning in satisfaction as it burned its way down his throat. “I’ve been drinking here all alone. Juugo abandoned me.”

The waterman's nasally voice blasted into Kakashi's skull, making him grit his teeth. "You can't entertain yourself for five whole minutes, can you."

“I did for the first five." Suigetsu's shit eating grin was almost endearing in spite of Kakashi's foul mood. "Doesn’t take that long to get me off. You’ve been gone hooours.”

"Well if you've already done the fun part then I'm hardly interested, am I?" Kakashi sat down with a chuckle.

“Damn, man." Suigetsu's eyes grew wide with feigned shock. "Didn't know I’d have to watch my cock at night with you around."

Suigetsu grabbed his crotch suggestively, wiggling his tongue at Kakashi.

Kakashi's amusement had already dried up. "Watch whatever you like."

Suigetsu caught on and stopped fondling himself, throwing himself flat on his back. “Your bitch chew your ear off or something, geezer?”

"She's not mine." Kakashi's fingers tightened on his knees, the worn leather of his gloves growing taut.

“Pssh, that’s not how you’ve been acting." Suigetsu drained the last of his moonshine into his open mouth, and Kakashi watched the eery way the man simply absorbed the spillage into his body. "Either way, bet she hasn’t been bored, sharing Sasuke’s tent for a month.”

If Kakashi hadn't been wearing pants, his fingernails would have torn into his kneecaps. "Sasuke is endlessly interesting, I'm sure. Why, I think he's worked up five different tones of grunts these days."

“Grunts from her, yeah." Suigetsu waggled his eyebrows and then cackled at his own joke. “Bitch must have been screwing him for a while now."

"Watch your mouth."

Kakashi's voice was sharp, commanding. He forced himself to breathe deeply through his nose.

Suigetsu wasn't listening. “Man, if I was him, I wouldn’t have waited so long. Heard she’d been all over him for years before.”

"A childhood crush. No more." Kakashi pitched his voice light and unconcerned.

“Who cares? That ain’t what screwing a hot girl’s about. You should know, yeah? She was your student or some shit.” Suigetsu tossed the empty clay moonshine jug in the air, catching it as it came down. “You saw her grow up from an itty bitty kid, eh? That’s fucking gross, man. Didn’t know you were so twisted. I fucking love it. You’re more fun than I would have thought.”

Kakashi unclenched his jaw, stretching out the soreness. "Fun? You think this is fun?"

“Bet I wouldn’t find it boring if she shared my tent.” As usual, Suigetsu wasn't actually engaged in conversation, just listening to himself talk. "You know, I told Sasuke about this fantasy I had of her calling me Suigetsu-sama while I ripped her arms off. Didn’t seem to appreciate it. I wonder why.”

The pensive look on Suigetsu's face, one corner of his mouth raised in a hint of mischief to reveal the edge of one sharp tooth, incensed Kakashi.

"Don't you fucking think about her. Keep your filthy mind on something else or -- "

Suigetsu only blinked at him and then burst out laughing. “You’ve lost your bite, dog man. Plus, you’re mad if you think I’ll lay a finger on cutiepie. You and Sasuke would zap me before I could even try. Not that I wouldn't pawn my own left arm to do it anyway."

The nonchalant way Suigetsu brushed him off made Kakashi forget his prudence, moving forward in a flash to twist Suigetsu's left arm behind his back, contorting it painfully. "Oh yeah? Not so attached to this? I wonder if I can change your mind."

Suigetsu merely dissolved his arm into water and reformed it outside of Kakashi's grip, rolling his eyes. “You’re even more of an idiot than I thought! If there’s anyone to worry about hurting your sweetie and that kid in her, it ain’t me, buddy. Sasuke damn near punched my jaw off the last time he had a nightmare.”

Suspicion that had been tickling Kakashi's gut since Sasuke came home lashed out like a steel-toed boot. Sasuke couldn't simply float between pyschotic murderer and well adjusted, no matter what he liked to pretend, perhaps even to himself. Before Suigetsu had the chance to dissolve again, Kakashi snatched him under the jaw, lightning crackling down from where his hand connected all the way to the joint of his shoulder.

"You're lying."

Expression finally starting to darken a bit with some genuine alarm, Suigetsu looked down his nose cross-eyed at the small flickering strands of brilliant light as they stretched greedy fingers towards him, all falling just short.

“Hey, don’t fry the messenger, will ya!” His laugh was weak and high-pitched as he strained away in an effort to avoid the electricity.

Kakashi had no sympathy for him. "You're lying."

A single spark jumped the gap from Kakashi's balled fist to brush Suigetsu's cheek. He winced.

"Fuck!” Suigetsu rubbed the spot furiously. “Why’d I lie about shit like that? Cutiepie even came in the tent. She was the one who calmed Sasuke down!”

That was the last thing Kakashi wanted to hear. He released Suigetsu's jaw, letting him slump away.

"Get out."

“Hey, I sleep here too now," Suigetsu whined, feeling around his throat as if to make sure it was still attached to his shoulders.

Kakashi did not spare a glance for the man, eyes following the course of the lightning tendrils as they raced up and down from his shoulders to his fingertips. "Not tonight you don't."

“Fuck, man." A hint of pleading crept into Suigetsu's voice, but Kakashi did not relent. “Fine, I’m gonna find myself a ditch to disappear in, if that’s what all you guys want so bad.”

Kakashi continued to watch the jumping sparks. Sakura had seen them once and laughed, saying they looked like tinsel.

“Pfeh,” Suigetsu spat, struggling to his unstable feet. “Bet Sasuke’s still nailing your girl tonight anyway.”

Before Suigetsu's mouth had finished forming the words, the sparks coalesced into a bolt and shot straight at Suigetsu.

Suigetsu barely managed to dodge, covering the fear in the whites of his eyes with a broad grin. “Nice try, dog man! Must be getting too old to aim right!”

Suigetsu took just one step forward, arm drawing back, before Kakashi had him in a choke hold. The lightning particles were still crackling over his arm, and Kakashi was no longer so careful with them. The tendrils reached out and danced over Suigetsu, seeking like unruly children down his chest and up to the tips of his ears. White-blue hair stood on end.

They stood there, suspended in time for a moment, until Suigetsu melted in Kakashi's arms. Suigetsu struggled to reform from a puddle riddled with electricity, reaching one watery apparition of an arm out to yank himself up only to fail and collapse. Then both arms emerged and clutched Suigetsu's sleeping bag for leverage as he hauled himself back into corporeal formation.

Suigetsu was twitching involuntarily but tried to cover it up with a shrug. "You old war veterans are something. Hard to get even one effin’ hit in."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kakashi took a deep breath to keep from snapping. He didn't want to be reminded of how old he was just now.

"Remember that," he said, managing to keep his voice level. "It will save your life some day."

“Ain’t gonna die so easily, eh?" Suigetsu laughed, unconcerned. "I know how I’m gonna die. Some blind old woman told me one day. I'm gonna be torn apart just like I did all those shitheads."

Kakashi returned Suigetsu's grin, too lighthearted but yet with a dangerous tint. "At whose hands, I wonder?"

"Eh, she didn’t say.” With a shrug, Suigetsu waved a melting hand in front of Kakashi's face. “Gonna be a hard thing to do though, don’tcha think?"

Kakashi looked at his own fist, perfectly solid and still crackling with lightning. That same hand had pierced more chest cavities than Kakashi could count, all with the help of Obito's eye that was now returned to the earth where it belonged, in the same shallow grave as its owner. All at once, Kakashi was surprised by how little and how much he missed the eye that had been such a huge part of his life. It was like a burden had lifted from his shoulders, all of Obito's weight simply gone. And yet without it, nothing made sense. The lense through which he filtered his entire life was shattered.

Suigetsu was still smiling, expecting a response. Kakashi tried to swallow the acrid taste in his mouth, cloying on his cotton-dry tongue.

"Not as hard as you think."

“You think so?” Suigetsu said, extending his arm. “Try it.”

"Don't tempt me."

Kakashi tried to make it sound like a joke but failed. He hadn't felt this on-edge since the war, when everyone looked to him for answers, an entire division of people he hardly knew. How could he give them answers when he didn't even know who his best friend was -- didn't know who he was himself anymore?

The only friendly face in the crowd was Sakura, who didn't ask Kakashi to solve her problems. She smiled and reached for his deck of cards, fingers lingering too long when they brushed his, trying to suppress the worry in her eyes when she looked at him. His problems were unsolveable so she didn't try, but she made sure she was around. It was enough -- or had been.

“I’m serious." Suigetsu's nostrils were flared, his pupils dilated. Far from reading Kakashi's black mood, the scent in the air had changed from fear to excitement. “Let’s see if old womens' prophecies come true.”

Kakashi watched Suigetsu holding out an arm in offering and his mind supplied in vivid detail just how the smell of blood would prick his nose and linger on his hands for days afterwards. He wished he could say it turned his stomach.

In a split second, Kakashi formed his flat palm into a lightning blade and sank it into Suigetsu's unresisting flesh. Wetness slipped over his fingers, but less viscous than it would have been if this had been what parts of them both wished it was.

Suigetsu's arm separated cleanly from his body at the shoulder, hanging shimmering in the air for a millisecond before dropping to the floor of the tent, splashing Kakashi's toes as it burst like a water balloon.

"Eeeh?" Suigetsu pinwheeled his stump and remaining arm, eyes wide. "It’s not supposed to do that! Shit!”

Kakashi stayed rigid, arm extended in attack formation, until he let loose all the tension at once and flopped to the ground loosely. "All right," he said with a chuckle. "You can stay."

Suigetsu pouted as he sat back down on his own pile of blankets. “Man, you’re really no fun. What does cutiepie like about you?"

With no apparent effort, Suigetsu grew his arm back and flexed it, inspecting each of his digits. “Didn’t think you’d actually do it. Fuck, you’re sick, you know that?”

Once again, Kakashi chuckled darkly. "I know."

Sometimes, Kakashi wondered if he was the one who taught Sasuke how to hide the cracks under the surface, or if it was something this life taught them all, one by one.

\---

The next day passed in a haze of too many reports of suspicious activity to keep up with properly, most of which ended up being neighborly disputes. Only a few lingered on Kakashi's mind like the taste of moonshine on his tongue as he took another sip -- He was wearing a Waterfall headband but I swear I've never seen him before, and How did someone manage to steal so much lumber? Did they just walk out with two by fours? Damn Kizanu.

Worried faces, feverish children, fidgeting hands, and skinny bodies, it all burned its way down his throat with the moonshine.

Yamato sat down next to Kakashi, crossing his legs. Kakashi said nothing, only took another sip out of his clay cup. He had gone to an unfamiliar fire deep within the bowels of Konoha district for dinner and that brief period where it was too dark to work but too early to sleep, but it seemed it had been no use.

“You look like you had a rough night, senpai.” The twilight cast shadows from the steel framing Yamato's face, shrouding his features.

"Every night is a rough night with Suigetsu around."

Yamato laughed, but too lightly, unable to keep unease from tinging it. Unlike previous run ins, though, he pushed through the awkwardness to continue. “Just having him on that mission to that farm was more than I could handle.”

With a quirk of his lips, Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, pausing for tangles. "Sasuke sure knows how to pick them."

“So do you.”

The words were bitter, terse, but Yamato forced another laugh and took a sip of his own moonshine.

Kakashi cocked his head with a smile, but his fingers tightened almost painfully around his cup. "I like to think my taste is excellent, actually."

As Yamato leaned forward to look at him, the light of the small fire banished the shadow and Kakashi could see his old friend's calculating expression. All pretense was stripped away now -- no more fake laughter -- so Yamato's next words were unsurprising.

“Can’t say Sakura isn’t a pretty girl.”

Kakashi shrugged. "Sure she is. That's not what I meant, though. There are lots of pretty girls."

The bulge in Yamato's jaw as he clenched it was obvious and he didn't try to keep the sour look off his face when he said, “What did you mean then?”

"Take your pick." Kakashi took another swig.

“I’d love to, senpai, but I just don’t understand you here." This time, Yamato was angled toward him, open, earnest. "I just can’t see what there is to pick in a sixteen year old girl.”

"Then you must not know her very well." Kakashi's smile was out of habit, but Yamato was too familiar with him to buy it, anxious frown still casting shadows on his chin. "She's seventeen, for example."

Yamato didn't rise to the bait, sighing. “Fine, then. You like her that much?”

No one had ever asked him that before. Instead of answering, Kakashi took a too-large gulp of moonshine, wincing.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?"

Yamato took a sip as well, staring into the fire. “It’s not sudden. I’ve been talking to Sakura for a while. Not that she appreciated it any more than you.”

The gentle smile on Yamato's face, more genuine than any he spared for Kakashi these days, reminded Kakashi of the man's fondness for Sakura. Part of Kakashi still wanted to lash out, but instead he smiled.

"You're probably lucky she didn't break your other arm. I wouldn't push it if I were you."

“Scared me shitless, she did.” Yamato gave a playful shiver. “That girl can rival Tsunade’s tempers.”

"She learned from the best," Kakashi said.

The smile dropped off Yamato's face abruptly and too late, Kakashi realized the double meaning that had been read into his words. The small pocket of comradeship, once so common and now as rare as proper bread, evaporated.

“What will you do, senpai?” Yamato's voice was dull as he took another sip.

Kakashi swirled his own cup, nearing emptiness. "Besides drown myself in this shitty hooch, you mean?"

The attempt to rekindle what was lost failed. Yamato's face remained impassive.

“No, about the baby.”

"What about it?" Kakashi sighed. "Sakura seems to think me becoming Hokage will be good for it."

“I guess it could.” Yamato set his drink down so he could drag his lone palm down his face to rub away the weariness. “But how long is it going to call Sasuke daddy?”

There was an audible crack as Kakashi clenched his fingers too tightly around the poorly made clay cup, which was now only barely watertight. "Never, if I have anything to say about it."

“Then why is she parading around with Sasuke like that?" Yamato's frown this time was less bitter and more puzzled. “You’re going to have to come clean if you want to take responsibility for her.”

Kakashi scoffed. "Who said I had anything to say about it? This is Hokage's orders. I'm sure Tsunade won't like that idea either."

Yamato was still and serious as he faced Kakashi. “Stop kidding yourself, Kakashi. If you really didn’t want to go along with it, you would have changed her mind.”

"What's the right thing, then?" Kakashi looked at the flames, voice quiet. "Have you seen her? Tsunade? Coughing blood. I haven't told Sakura yet. Do you think I should?"

“Don’t change subjects, Kakashi." Angry now, Yamato's voice began to carry, but he choked down a few gulps of moonshine with a shaking hand. “I know you.”

Yamato paused, dark eyes emblazoned, but when he spoke again, it was softer. “The right thing would be to let Sakura go and find a boy her age to take care of her.”

"She doesn't need to be taken care of," Kakashi bit out with clenched teeth.

“Then just let her go. Admit you made a mistake.” Yamato took another swig too fast and coughed. “Maybe Sasuke will really raise the kid as his own. It’ll have a father, at least."

With a final fraying of control, the cup splintered in Kakashi's hand, a shard slicing his finger. It screamed with pain as the remnants of the home brew seared into it, but Kakashi didn't spare it a glance.

"You want to know my mistake? My mistake was five years ago. I didn't see it when Sasuke was going to leave the village. I was -- I was arrogant." Kakashi met Yamato's confused eyes, trying to make him understand. "Sakura didn't make that mistake. I couldn't spare her from that -- that was my mistake. It changed her. Did you know that? How could you? You didn't know her then. He broke something in her and she's spent all these years trying to get it back. And I'm supposed to let him raise my child?"

Yamato slammed his own cup down. “Damn it, Kakashi! You’re making no sense! Don’t you see it? You knew her five years ago, when she was pining after a schoolboy. She was still a child. Just focus for a bit. You shouldn’t have touched her and you know it. Will you really be any better as a father? If Sasuke is so bad, then why do you let him around Sakura at all?”

"I didn't know for sure until the other day. She's really forgiven him. But not out of stupidity." In the fertilizer shed, her eyes had widened in surprise when Kakashi shielded her, but he couldn't help his instinct -- especially when her belly grew rounder by the day. "She always knows how to see him for who he is. So I'll just wait until I see it too."

“That’s besides the point!” Yamato drained the last of his cup and tossed it aside to forcefully. “Why would you ever lay a finger on her? I never pegged you as that kind of man."

"Why'd I fuck her, you mean?" Kakashi laughed sardonically, unable to help himself. It was always the euphemisms, the delicate phrasing -- as if the mere thought was so offensive one could not speak it aloud. "Why does any man fuck any woman?"

Yamato, usually never a squeamish man, blushed. “Just answer, will you?”

"Because I wanted to. Because she wanted to." Kakashi pressed on when Yamato grimaced as if Sakura could never want him like that. "Because no matter how wrong you and everyone else tells me it is, I never seem to remember that until later. Because that's not how it seems. Not to me, at least."

“She’s only sixteen, Kakashi. Seventeen," Yamato corrected himself, the edge of one lip twitching in an attempt to smile, but despite his efforts, he looked deeply sad. “Why couldn’t you turn her down?”

Kakashi stared blankly. "There was nothing to turn down. Do people think we discussed it over tea or something?"

“No, but…” Yamato made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, clenching his fist. “It sounds even worse if you just… just…”

"Why?" Kakashi asked sharply, saving Yamato from his floundering.

The uncommon red tint to Yamato's cheeks was even more noticeable in the orange glare from the fire. “Sakura is too young for these things.”

"How young were you when you started 'these things?'" Kakashi scoffed.

Yamato's thin lips pursed. “Usually, some boy her age would discover that with her. You knew what you were doing. What you were getting her into.”

Idly, Kakashi inspected the gash on his index finger. "I wonder sometimes if you've ever talked to her, really talked to her, or if you just speak in her general direction and let assumptions fill in the rest."

For the first time, a hint of doubt crept into Yamato's features. “Sakura has said that you are important to her."

Kakashi bit down on his tongue almost enough to draw blood.

Yamato sighed, face glum. "It’s hard to expect you to fulfill any hopes she might have had of some sort of romance.”

"Sakura hasn't had any hopes like that for a long time." Kakashi's voice was flat.

“It’s difficult not to see Sakura as a victim in this.”

Yamato's insistence was wearing Kakashi thin.

"A victim of what?" Kakashi balled his fist, the pain from his cut gratifying. "Forgetting about how utterly fucking shit everything is for a few measly minutes?"

Yamato started, taken aback. “I don’t know. I have a hard time believing that you’d take advantage of her like that, but what else is there?"

Kakashi shrugged blandly. "If that's how you see it."

Opening his mouth briefly and then shutting it, Yamato searched for words.

"I care about Sakura," he said finally, cheeks colored once more. “How did it even happen? She’s said it was the night before the battle, but…”

"But what? You doubt her?" Kakashi propped his elbow on his knee, looking into the remaining embers of the fire rather than at Yamato.

“That’s not what I’m trying to say," protested Yamato, shaking his head. "She didn’t go into details."

Kakashi couldn't keep a little sneer off his face. "So I'm sick for doing it, but you still want details?"

“I don’t want to know how you --" Yamato cut off, turning his face away. “Just, maybe if I understood how it happened, I could have an easier time with it.”

His voice was quiet and pained, and Kakashi's ire faded. Yamato was making an effort, more than anyone else had made, so Kakashi smiled raucously, slipping back into more familiar territory.

"She asked me to guard her while she bathed in the river. She took her clothes off and then I took my clothes off --"

“And you just -- “ Predictably, Yamato's eyes widened into saucers. “Just like that?”

"What?" Kakashi feigned confusion. "No, we had a bath. And you call me naughty. It was later, during a game of cards. I didn't have any sixes, you see."

Yamato's face cycled through various undefinable expressions as he thought it over. “Am I supposed to understand something?”

"Hmm. I suppose not. But that's how it happened."

Yamato still stared at him, bafflement apparent.

Smiling again, Kakashi tapped the side of his nose with a wink. "But you see, kohai, Sakura understands. Get it now?"

“If she didn’t understand, I’d be slightly worried." Yamato laughed, face muscles working in what was clearly a gargantuan effort to remain cheerful.

"She understands a lot of things." Kakashi tried to keep the joke going, but the gravitas in his voice gave him away.

Yamato gave up on the smile, but his tone wasn't unkind. "I'm still clueless. But I guess you two have always gone well together, in a sense.”

At this, Kakashi let out a barking, brittle laugh.

"Huh. Wish the rest of Konoha could see it that way." Then a new thought shocked him out of it. "You weren't asking me about when she got pregnant, were you? That was --"

Blanching, Yamato looked vaguely ill as he hung his head. “You mean, that wasn’t it? I guess I should have known.”

Kakashi patted his junior on the back. "I always knew math wasn't your strong suit. Perhaps I can arrange a tutor for you. Sakura's free, I think." 

“I don’t want to insist, but…” Yamato heaved a sigh. “It’s going to continue, isn’t it?”

Kakashi's smile returned, though he tried not to show the strain. "I've still got a deck of cards, don't I?"

With a groan, Yamato sat up in sudden alarm. “That’s what all the card jokes were about.”

"Surely you didn't think they were about cards, did you?" Kakashi frowned with false concern. "I'd ask if you were dropped on the head as a child, but, well, you probably were. So I suppose I can't blame you."

“I couldn’t have known. I just couldn’t see you in such a bad light, senpai.” Yamato turned back to stare at the flames, too late to hide the sorrow in his eyes.

Kakashi laughed, but it came out stilted. "How things change."

"Yeah," Yamato said quietly. "Yeah."

As Kakashi rose to leave, Yamato spoke once more.

"So it doesn't worry you at all, seeing her like that with Sasuke? They're pretty, ah ... chummy."

Yes, they were quite friendly indeed, closer than they'd ever been as genin. The unexpected question made the alcohol in Kakashi's stomach turn sourly.

"Why would it?"

Without turning back, Kakashi fled the flames.

\---

As Kakashi entered the medical unit -- the first one to transition to a proper wooden building -- Kakashi was prepared to wheedle his way onto Sakura's service, but in a pleasant surprise, it was unnecessary.

The medic Kakashi only recognized as "something something Kenshin" and only then because of his wild, bushy hair, nevertheless knew Kakashi right off, sighing heavily when he spotted the bloody bandage on Kakashi's hand.

"At least you went the extra mile this time," he said.

"It's a very serious injury," Kakashi said gravely.

"Oh yes," Kenshin agreed with a wink. "At death's door, aren't you?"

"I could be. I've heard tetanus can be quite dangerous."

"Well then, we'd better have our Sakura-chan take a look, hadn't we?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Does she specialize in tetanus? She must be very talented."

With a snort and a shake of his head, Kenshin pointed off to the left. Kakashi went that way, looking for his favorite shade of pink. Instead, Kakashi heard a familiar grunt. He swept into the examining room the sound came from to find Sakura lifting a box of medical supplies off of the upper portion of a crude shelving unit. She was on her tiptoes, tongue poking out between her teeth as she strained.

She was forced to bend awkwardly to avoid sweeping syringes off of a lower shelf with her belly, extending her backside. The more pregnant she got, the wider her hips grew, and Kakashi propped himself up on the doorway with one shoulder, admiring her.

He imagined how those hips would look waving in the air invitingly for him, or the curve of them as she sat on top of him, riding him from behind. Most of all, he imagined how she looked as orgasm was ripping through her. He wanted to make her come. He wanted to make her scream his name.

Shutting the door behind him, Kakashi walked up behind her and pressed himself into her, reaching past her for the box.

As she registered who it was and nestled her rear into the crook of his hips, he pushed against her so she could feel his already-hard shaft.

"What's gotten into you today, Kakashi?" she said, laughing but nevertheless returning the pressure.

"Need a hand, Sakura-chan?"

Relinquishing the box to him, she leaned back against him. "That's not all I need," she murmured, half under her breath.

Kakashi set the box on a lower shelf. "What was that, now?"

"What? Nothing," she said quickly, the back of her neck turning almost as red as her yukata.

Kakashi grinned and ran his hands along the skin above her collar and then down her front to cup her belly. "You wear this all the time now."

Her nape reddened further. "My pants don't fit anymore. I'm too fat."

He brushed his lips along the curve of her neck as he said, "I like this dress."

"I look like I'm smuggling a sack of potatoes underneath it," she whined, but arched her neck into his touch, pulling her ponytail to the side to grant him access.

He didn't deepen the contact, only breathing across the back of her neck, raising goosebumps.

"Are you? Several sacks of potatoes are missing, you know."

She whirled around to face him -- in order to punch him, of course -- but he caught her fist in his.

"I'm serious. I like it."

Despite the proverbial thunder cloud over her head, the angry lines of her face smoothed when he kissed her.

Her hand snaked up to slip his mask down, and when they were forced to part, she said, "How can you? It's shapeless."

"So? It has its benefits." To prove his point, Kakashi slipped his fingers inside the fabric, parting it so her bare stomach was pressed against him and his hands were kneading her ass. "Besides, I know what shape you are."

She withdrew abruptly, arms crossed over her protruding belly, unconsciously tracing the slightly darkened line down the middle and her distended belly button, hurt in her eyes.

"That was meant to be a compliment." Kakashi laughed, reaching out to feel the baby, hoping it would kick him in the palm like it had in the fertilizer shed before Sasuke showed up.

Before he had a chance, though, she snatched his bandaged hand, eyebrows rising. "You're actually hurt?"

Kakashi let her unravel the bandages. "It's nothing."

She tutted, fussing as she healed the gash with a quick flare up of green chakra. "You didn't do this bullying Suigetsu, did you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kakashi said vacantly, sniffing.

"He's one of us now," Sakura said quietly.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "And what if I said he noticed that you don't wear a bra with your yukata?"

Sakura's hand paused over Kakashi's. "Did you hit him hard enough?"

"I'm just kidding," Kakashi said, and slipped his hands out of hers and into the top of her yukata to feel the weight of her breasts in his palms. "He didn't notice, but I did."

Or at least Suigetsu hadn't been stupid enough to mention it around Kakashi, if he did notice.

"My bra doesn't fit anymore either," she said, pink tinging her cheeks once more.

"I'm not complaining." Kakashi thumbed her nipples, which were already at attention.

"Kakashi..." Sakura's eyes darted around, and though people were bustling about outside of the examination room, no one seemed to be paying attention.

"Thanks for healing my hand, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said loudly, and then softer, "but I think it's your turn."

"My turn?" She was trying to look stern, but when Kakashi rolled her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, she bit her lip -- hard.

"You've been so kind as to heal all my ailments, but I think you have a particular condition. I can cure that for you, if you'd like."

Sakura's eyes widened in recognition. "Here? But isn't this risky --?"

He silenced her with a kiss. "Not if you're quiet."

She didn't answer, only kissed him again, deeper this time. He backed her towards the examination table until her knees knocked into it, dropping her obi to the floor as they went. Gently, he pushed her down, and she looked up at him, puzzled. Then he saw a spark in her green eyes and she reached for his stiff cock -- but Kakashi side stepped.

"Now, now, Sakura. This is your exam, not mine."

She dropped her hand, smiling at him as he knelt in front of her. He pulled one heavy breast from the confines of her yukata.

"What have we here? Let's see," he said just before his mouth closed around the pink bud. "And a matching pair."

His tongue lapped at her gently at first, tracing the edges of her darkened areola and closing inward to her taut nipple. It seemed her sensitivity had eased, for she pushed his head into her chest harder than he would have guessed. He took her cue and sucked, hard, then with a wet pop, moved to the other nipple to scrape it with his teeth. She tightened her grip in his hair with one hand and with the other, tried to drag his hand from her breast to between her legs. He teased the silky skin on the inside of her thighs, which immediately parted for him. A swallowed moan fell from her parted lips as he flicked her nipple with the tip of his tongue.

Kakashi withdrew. "I guess being quiet never was your strong suit, but the good news is that I've come to a diagnosis."

"What is it?" Sakura said breathlessly, impatiently, her too-firm grip on the back of his head telling him exactly how little she approved of his dilly dallying.

"Not enough solitaire," Kakashi said solemnly, and dropped his face to the junction of her thighs, pushing her worn panties aside.

The yukata fell open entirely as her bare legs curled over his shoulders as he nipped and licked, her thighs jumping. When his fingers joined the fray, her knuckles tightened on the edge of the table in time with her frantic breathing. In almost no time at all, her calves had locked around his neck as she desperately ground against his face in search of completion. Kakashi was hard pressed to breathe, the musky scent of her arousal invading his nose as it buried in her flesh, but he kept on until her slickness covered his chin and fingers, until she couldn't control herself, until her thighs twitched with every one of his movements -- until she bit back a whimper and clenched around his fingers so hard it hurt his fingers.

A last flick of his tongue against her sensitive nub made her slap the back of his head, but her knees released their vice grip on his ears nonetheless. When he came up for air, she surprised him by yanking him up so they were face to face. 

"Solitaire couldn't compare," she said, and fell on his mouth hungrily, disregarding her own taste on his tongue.

He smiled against her lips. "Is that what you needed, Sakura-chan?"

"No," she said, voice husky, then pulled on his bottom lip with her teeth. "I want you inside me."

As she said it, her belly rubbed against his erection, sending a tingle from the point of contact to settle somewhere between his shoulder blades, and he groaned. "Is that so?"

"I want to suck your cock," she said, toying with the band of his pants. "I want you from the front. I want you from behind. I want it all at once."

In this moment, Sakura could ask anything of him and he would say yes. He wasn't sure what had driven him before, but it hadn't been the lust that was now eating at any sanity left in his brain. Just below her probing fingers, his cock twitched in his pants.

"What do you want the most, Sakura-chan?" Kakashi rasped, keeping the game going as a means to hold onto his last thread of control.

She was cupping his balls through his pants, looking up at him through heavy lidded eyes.

"I want you to fuck me. And I want you to mean it."

Immediately, he leaned forward as if to spread her on the table, but she resisted.

"Not here."

"Where?" There was no time left for jokes, no energy left for jealousy or anything else, only a single minded need to nestle himself between her thighs.

"Anywhere else." Despite her words, she hooked her legs around his thighs, grunting in annoyance when her belly got in the way of touching her sex to his shaft.

"Why?" Kakashi curled his fingers into her ponytail, guiding her face toward his crotch without thought.

"I can't be quiet, Kakashi," she said, flattening her breasts against his chest and grabbing his cock through his pants, giving him a sultry look that was almost foreign on her heart-shaped face and yet suited her perfectly.

Abruptly, Kakashi stepped back, breaking her leg hold. "Get dressed."

Reacting to his tone, she clutched the yukata closed, coquettish expression replaced with worry. "Is someone coming?"

"Yes. You," he said tersely, handing her the discarded obi. "And then me, deep inside of you."

She needed no more convincing, tying her yukata closed with a sloppy bow. Sakura led him out of the room by the hand.

"Taking my lunch break early," Sakura said hurriedly to some fellow medic on their way out the door.

When they were out of the medical tents, Kakashi took over, guiding them to the closest patch of woods that could afford them any privacy. Once there, they wasted no more time. First the obi dropped to the forest floor, then the red yukata, then the old grey panties, then Kakashi's pants and underwear.

He took her right on top of the pile of clothes, sinking into her sheath without another thought. She pushed back against him and it wasn't long before she was shuddering underneath him once more, living up to her word when she cried out his name as she came.

Her mouth was half open, eyes rolling back in her head as her pleasure ran its course. Kakashi looked carefully, but even now that she was satiated, she smiled lazily, looking him right in the eye. Mischievous twinkle in her gaze, she hooked her legs around his back and pulled him deeper into her.

"Your turn," Sakura said, and Kakashi didn't need to be told twice.

He picked up speed towards his own climax, pumping into her, hindered only by a carefulness not to put weight on her stomach. 

A twig snapped and Kakashi froze, still inside her, as impossible as stopping had seemed only a moment before.

"Kakashi, what --" Sakura began and then stopped, frantically trying to pull her yukata out from underneath her.

When Hyuuga Hiashi emerged, face cold, it surprised neither of them. Sakura half heartedly crossed her arms over her chest to cover her nipples.

"My, my," Hiashi said, face impassive. "One can't even take a stroll around here, it seems, without uncovering a new controversy. Maybe one or two people will even be shocked."

Watching Sakura's eyes slide closed, one forearm coming up to lay across her nose and the other still clutching at her breasts, Kakashi's heart sank. Yamato was right. Sakura hadn't signed up for this.

Kakashi, and Kakashi alone, had gotten her into this mess. His gaze slid down to her swollen stomach. Who would truly pay the price?


	14. Chapter 13: The Underneath

Caught screwing who? But I thought the baby was Uchiha's.

If he was Hokage, I bet he'd diddle all the assistants.

I always knew there was something wrong with that team. I wonder if Naruto-sama kept them in check.

Until the first rumor fell from the mouth of someone he didn't know not twenty minutes after he was caught in flagrante delicto, Kakashi hadn't known how badly Hiashi wanted to be Hokage. Just as quickly, the gossip chain had distorted the truth, as usual.

Sakura had not gone back to work, preferring to have a private cry in his tent. It's just stress, she'd hissed and waved him out with a stern face. After informing some random medic that Sakura wasn't feeling well, Kakashi retreated to the memorial. It probably wasn't the duty he should be attending to at the moment, but all he could do was lose himself in the mindless task of inscribing names. When Ko appeared at the edge of the clearing, fidgeting awkwardly, Kakashi rose and stretched the kinks from his back, and then followed the Hyuuga wordlessly.

Before long, Kakashi sat beside Sakura in the high-backed chair once again, facing the Hokage.

Tsunade wasn't looking at either of them, sunken eyes focused off to the side. When the silence stretched as thin as her papery skin, she snapped her gaze back towards them.

"It was too much to ask that you keep your genitals to yourself for a few months, wasn't it." Her voice was dull, brittle like her straw-dry hair.

"It's not his fault, Shishou," Sakura said immediately. "I --"

"I wasn't talking to him," Tsunade said pointedly, then swallowed a cough.

Sakura subsided, face blazing.

"Well, I suppose there's only one thing for it now." Tsunade tapped her fingernails on the table, looking as if she'd like nothing better than to smash it to bits. "You'll have to get married."

Kakashi's jaw grew tight as he looked at Sakura out of the corner of his eye. The last time he brought up marriage, it had not gone over well. This time, she scowled at Tsunade instead.

"Married? You can't order me to get married."

"I can and I will," Tsunade snapped. "You are a chuunin and I am Hokage. Do you question my authority?"

Sakura shrank away, eyes wide, hand seeking Kakashi's but finding his thigh instead, clutching. He rested his palm on her white knuckles.

"Sh-Shishou..." Sakura's lower lip trembled.

Tsunade wouldn't meet Sakura's eyes. "Since apparently, you can't keep your hands off each other, no matter the stakes, you leave me no choice."

"I tried, Shishou," Sakura whispered, voice quivering. "I'm sorry. I --"

"It's too late for that." Tsunade formed her bony fingers into a fist, unforgiving. "In a few years, you can divorce if you like. He would be the first divorced Kage, an unfortunate precedent, but some things can't be helped."

"Now we have to get divorced?"

This was the final straw for Sakura, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes. She wiped them furiously, determined to ignore them.

"That's not what I said," Tsunade said, eyes more livid with anger than they had been since before the war. "You picked a hell of a time to show your selfish side, Sakura. I apprenticed you because you asked for selfless reasons, but I can see now that I was mistaken --"

"That's enough." Kakashi's voice cracked like a whip, making Tsunade blink in surprise.

Sakura buried her head in her hands, sobbing, and it was only then that the pain showed in Tsunade's brown eyes.

"I've got a pile of pending marriage licenses on my desk. Come tomorrow, they will be approved. Yours will be among them. Report to tent 24A before breakfast with a witness. You are dismissed."

...

Though the light was now low, the sun had started to burn the back of Kakashi's neck. Too much time at the memorial had turned him red, and he should leave, but no one would bother him here unless they had a reason -- in fact, they treated him like the grim reaper, as if talking to him would somehow tempt whatever gods they worshipped to strike a loved one dead. And then Kakashi stepped out of the clearing and he was free game to bother with whatever complaint they had, petty or otherwise, as if he could do anything about it.

Kakashi rubbed the nape of his neck, wincing at the soreness, and wished for aloe -- and then let out a sudden, barking laugh at the memory it brought to mind. Maybe Sakura was right. He should wear a hat.

"Laughing into the dark is a sign of insanity."

Sasuke was propping himself up on a tree at the edge of the clearing, looking at Kakashi with calculating eyes.

"Good thing it's not dark yet, I suppose," Kakashi said, though he couldn't muster a smile.

Sasuke was here to say 'I told you so,' and what rejoinder could Kakashi possibly make?

"I'm not sure how you want me to fix this," Sasuke said quietly instead, surprising Kakashi. Sasuke avoided meeting his eyes, preferring to stare at a pebble on the ground, and Kakashi wondered what exactly he was referring to until Sasuke added, "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to convince people I'm the father when you're the one she's interested in sleeping with all the time."

The leather in Kakashi's gloves squeaked as he clenched his fists. "The Hokage has taken care of it. That's over now."

"Oh." Sasuke's eyes shot up, wide and blinking. Still, the tightness around the corners of his eyes remained. "I didn't... I tried."

The earnestness on Sasuke's face was foreign and gripped Kakashi's heart like talons. "I want to show you something."

Kakashi stepped aside. Sasuke stared blankly for a minute until he finally seemed to realize what Kakashi was waiting for and walked closer to inspect the memorial stone more closely.

When Sasuke spotted it, Kakashi knew. Sasuke's breath caught audibly in his throat.

"Uchiha Itachi. Why?" Sasuke's eyes were wide, locked on the syllables of his brother's name.

"He deserves to be recognized for his sacrifices. Don't you think?"

Sasuke traced the name, his touch soft and careful as if he might erase it. "I do. I just wasn't aware anyone else agreed."

"You're fitting brothers."

Sasuke's fingers paused. "What?"

Kakashi turned to leave, but before he went, he answered. "You have a lot in common with him."

Without waiting for a reply, Kakashi left the clearing.

\--

Though it was still August, their breaths fogged in the morning air -- truthfully, night still. The camp was just beginning to stir, but Kakashi, Sakura, and Ino stood in line anyway. Preceded by a surprisingly long line of trios just like them, they waited their turn.

The girls were doing a good job of ignoring the stares and whispers pointed in their direction, so Kakashi chose to focus on them, though he stayed out of their conversation.

Ino was pawing at Sakura's breasts, moaning in jealousy. "It's so not fair. I lost a whole cup size at least, and here you've put on three or five or ten. Where is the justice? You're supposed to be fat so I can laugh at you, but instead you're just boobs that swallowed a beach ball."

"My feet are bigger too," Sakura complained. "I've got permanent blisters now."

"Wah, wah." Ino flipped her hair over her shoulders, then brightened. "Oh! I forgot to tell you that Tenten polished Shino's weapon."

"So?" Sakura's brow furrowed in confusion. "She sharpens weapons all day. It's her job."

"Why is your forehead so big if you're so dumb?" Ino rolled her eyes. "She polished his weapon."

"Oh!" Eyes widening in recognition, Sakura laughed. "Shino? Seriously?"

"Seriously. They were totally loud." Ino's grin was wicked. "I wonder if his bugs went up her --"

"Pig," hissed Sakura, swatting Ino's arm and blushing furiously.

Clearing her throat, Ino straightened, placing her right hand over her heart and raising her left palm level with her head. "I am Haruno Billboard Brow Sakura, and I solemnly swear to be a prude. I will only have sex in the missionary position and I will never admit it, even if I am totally pregnant and everything."

Kakashi chuckled in spite of himself, recalling Sakura from yesterday. I want it all at once. If anyone knew she said that, she'd die of mortification, so opposite was it of the image she tried to project -- and yet, of course, that's what made it so appealing.

Eyes narrowed in annoyance, Sakura placed her own hand over her heart. "I am Yamanaka Ino-Pig and I solemnly swear to oink oink oink oink oink!"

"You fat cow!" Ino screeched, reaching for a strand of Sakura's hair to yank, but Sakura dodged. "You fat, pregnant whore."

A passerby wearing a Konoha headband cackled, chuckling well off into the distance.

Sakura's smile faded and then so did Ino's. Sakura looked off to the side.

"You're not fat, Sakura," Ino said quietly. "I was only joking."

Sakura's lips twitched in an attempt to smile. "No one's fat these days. Not even Chouji."

"Yeah," Ino said, though her face was still twisted with concern. "It's totally weird."

It wasn't the "fat" insult that had stuck in Sakura's craw, they all knew.

If there was to be anything good to come from this, perhaps it was that. Married women tended to attract less of that sort of attention. Then again, considering the circumstances, maybe it would make it worse.

The line was moving quickly, now, couples shambling in and out of the tent with their witnesses, one after the other, like an assembly line. As their turn approached, no one said anything, not even Ino. Sakura reached for Kakashi's hand and he let her grasp it with sweaty fingers.

When they were the next in line, standing in front of a closed tent whose flap Ino was glaring at as if it had gravely insulted her, Ino began to speak, then stopped.

"I don't think I can forgive Tsunade-sama for this," she said finally.

"It's for the good of Konoha," Sakura said quietly, clasping his hand tighter.

A civilian couple from Sand pushed open the flap of the tent. They were grinning ear to ear and one stopped to kiss his husband, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. Their witness rolled his eyes, clearly fed up already with their newlywed bliss.

"Your turn," he said and dragged his friends away.

Kakashi led Sakura in by the hand. Heaving a sigh, Ino followed.

"Names?" the clerk said, face sour. Bleary eyes and a suppressed yawn revealed the reason for his foul mood.

"Hatake Kakashi and Haruno Sakura," Kakashi said, and then cleared his throat.

The clerk had already started flipping through the H section of his files before he totally registered what had been said. His hands stopped mid-movement and he did a double take, pushing cracked glasses farther up his nose.

Kakashi dared him with a smile to say anything, but the clerk recovered quickly, looking back down at his file.

"Ah, yes, here we go. All signed by Hokage-sama and ready to go. Now all we need is your signatures here and here."

The clerk pointed out the respective spots on the handwritten marriage license. First Kakashi scrawled his name and then Sakura signed, neat and tidy.

The man turned to Ino with a generic smile, finger on a new dotted line. "And this one's for you. It just says that you testify that they're both sound of mind and here of their own free will, not coerced and so forth."

Ino picked up the quill and rested it on the paper, but did not continue, frowning.

"Pig," Sakura hissed, kicking the back of Ino's knees so that she almost toppled over.

The clerk cleared his throat but Sakura smiled at him sweetly. Ino scribbled her name, lips clenched tightly shut and a wrinkle between her fair brows.

Chuckling awkwardly, the clerk signed his own name with a flourish. "Congratulations. You are now Mr. and Mrs. Hatake Kakashi."

He eyed them keenly, perhaps hoping to see the couple kiss for curiosity's sake, but they did not oblige. The three of them filed out of the tent.

Kakashi reached into his pocket and pulled out two simple polished wooden bands and handed Sakura one, slipping the other onto his ring finger.

She turned it over in her hands, frowning. "Did this --?"

"I made them," he said quickly. He knew she would never accept a ring off of a corpse.

"Oh, okay. They're pretty." Sakura slipped the ring on and then blinked, shielding her eyes from the newly risen sun. "See you later, I guess. I'll move my stuff from Sasuke's tent after dinner."

"Yeah. Later," Kakashi said blandly.

Sakura walked away, leaving Ino staring after her, the frown apparently a permanent fixture on her face.

"Let's get started then, shall we?"

Ino started at the sound of his voice and nodded. It was just another day and work awaited them.

\---

Old habits die hard. Before dinner, Kakashi had a few moments of free time, and he found himself at the memorial. Just like he had in the before-time, Kakashi sought peace and absolution in the smooth face of the stone. The only thing that hadn't changed at all since before the war was this: nothing could give him absolution.

Today, for the second day in a row, even the peace eluded him. Kakashi hadn't been there long when Hyuuga Hiashi stepped into the clearing.

"You're a predictable sort of man, Hatake."

Kakashi did not turn and face him. "The same could be said of you."

"Don't be petty," Hiashi said, voice passive. "We both know it's better this way. Hokage have always been better unattached, not preoccupied with new families."

Gritting his teeth in an effort not to dwell over whether or not that was a subtle insult to Minato, Kakashi grunted. "Tsunade-sama preferred the people to decide for themselves."

"The people," Hiashi said with a sardonic little huff, "are as sentimental as they are fickle. You'd be capable, of course, but the uproar of scandal after you were named... It would serve only as a distraction. We are on a precipice and that just won't do."

Kakashi said nothing. Hiashi had voiced thoughts so close to his own that speech was unnecessary.

"I've often wondered," Hiashi continued, "if this wasn't your way of conceding anyway."

Hesitating, Kakashi finally spoke. "Some things aren't about that. Most things."

In the back of his throat, Hiashi made a dubious noise. "It's not that you slept with her, you know. Just like the Hyuuga clan, or even wives, Konoha doesn't care what you do with your prick as long as they can live on in blissful ignorance."

"And you know from experience, I assume." Kakashi kept his voice even.

"Of course. Many men do. But you upset the natural order of things. You don't impregnate your sluts. You don't marry them. You don't rub people's faces in your predilections."

For a time, Kakashi said nothing, still with his rigid back to Hiashi.

"Blissful ignorance," Kakashi finally said, bland.

"Blissful ignorance," Hiashi agreed. "Your mistake was not marrying a respectable woman when this whole business came about. Do you think anyone would have doubted? They see what they want to see."

"She is respectable," Kakashi said, unable to keep the anger from lacing his voice now. 

The things people said about Kakashi, he could disregard, but he would never get used to the casual shaming of Sakura, as if that was just the way of things and no one questioned it.

"Not carrying your bastard she's not," Hiashi said, not reacting to Kakashi's emotion.

Kakashi clenched his jaw. "It won't be a bastard now, will it."

"Too late." Hiashi sighed. "It matters not. What's done is done. I hope I can still count on you to do what needs to be done for Konoha."

Swallowing his bitterness, Kakashi wiped a weary hand down his face. "Have I ever not?"

"No," Hiashi chuckled, "I suppose you're right."

A rustling of cloth told Kakashi that Hiashi had left. Staring at the cenotaph, Kakashi tried to recapture his peace. He kept trying until night truly descended, and then finally gave up and left in the same direction Hiashi had.

\--

Kakashi was tired of bonfires. He didn't feel like celebrating, but it seemed people searched for any excuse these days -- and with little else to look forward to, he could hardly blame them.

At least this time, Sakura was sitting at his side, massaging her ribs with a perplexed look on her face.

"What is it, Forehead? Do you have gas again?"

Sakura scowled and snatched Ino's hand and placed it on the side of her belly. Immediately, the mischievous grin fell off of Ino's face, replaced with dawning wonder.

"Holy crap, Forehead. You're gonna have a baby!"

With an exaggerated roll of her eyes, Sakura pushed Ino away. "You're an idiot, Pig."

Ino laughed and stood up. "Hey, guys! Little Hatake knows its favorite aunt already!"

"Say it louder, why don't you," Sakura muttered.

"Okay!" Smiling, Ino drew in breath as if to shout, then blew it all out with a gust into her bangs when Sakura's face grew murderous. "Just kidding. But come on, don't keep it all to yourself, you selfish bitch."

Ino yanked a resigned Sakura up by the hand and dragged her -- or more specifically, her belly -- away to be admired by their myriad of friends.

"She's going to be a powerful ninja, don't you think? A weapons user, of course," Tenten said with a huge grin, rubbing Sakura's belly as if for good luck.

Sakura's head quirked to the side in bemusement. "Shizune's got you calling it 'she' now, too, then?"

"Shizune can't help being right," Tenten said in mock seriousness, but then her hands paused and her eyes widened. "But maybe I'm wrong about her specialty. That's quite a punch she's got there."

"Maybe Lee-kun will be her sensei!" Ino trilled happily.

"I would be honored," Lee said thickly, going red. "I could only hope to be half the teacher Gai-sensei was."

Tenten's smile dropped away for just a second before affixing itself back on her face. "He would hate to have missed seeing Kakashi-sensei's marriage. And this child -- he'd have loved it like his own."

Kakashi's stomach clenched. Instinctively, he looked to Lee, who was not stricken as Kakashi expected.

"He saw it," Lee said resolutely, jutting his own jaw out stubbornly, as if the conversation was well worn. "He saw it through us, Tenten. That's the Will of Fire."

"Of course, Lee," Tenten said, beaming, and playfully shoved Shizune towards a slightly sobered Sakura.

Kakashi's eyes were torn away from Shizune's pouting face -- the baby had failed to move for her, it seemed -- by Suigetsu tugging at his arm.

"Why aren't you drinking with me? It's so lame. I actually got Juugo to come, but even Sasuke's not drinking."

"It's common for husbands to abstain with their wives," Juugo said, hugging his knees and staring around the fire furtively, as if he expected something to pop out at him from the shadows. "In my clan, it was a sign of respect."

Suigetsu rolled his eyes. "Is that why Sasuke's bunging off too? What's he, their little bitch or something? Weird triangle if you ask me, and look, he's totally into that girl with the big tits too --"

In a new light, Kakashi looked at Sasuke and Hinata, who were having a quiet conversation off to the side. With a wry smirk, Sasuke said something that made Hinata throw back her head and laugh, but also made her face turn a terrific shade of red.

"Sasuke and Sakura are not involved in such a way," Sai said coolly, staring at Suigetsu.

"Sasuke said he was not interested in his friend romantically," Juugo said sharply, face stern. "Sasuke does not lie."

Jaw dropping, Suigetsu looked between the two in horror. "Who let you get together? You're like the world's most annoying party poopers. I know already. I was just having a little fun. You ought to try it sometime."

He flipped back to the grass, scowling, but Juugo smiled.

And then a log popped in the fire and Juugo was on his feet, crouched like a frightened animal.

"Hey," Suigetsu said, voice ringing out clearly instead of the nasal whine he usually affected. "Listen to me. It's all right."

Frozen for a second longer, Juugo finally relaxed. "I'm fine. I'm going back to the tent."

At the turn of a heel, Juugo was gone. Suigetsu sighed.

"Why bring him if it makes him so uncomfortable?" Yamato asked, curious.

"Because," snapped Suigetsu, "he has no reason to be terrified of gatherings anymore. He's not going to turn and kill us all. This camp is so crowded it makes him jumpy, but he can't hide forever. He's been working so hard to control himself. But he'll never really believe it unless he tries, will he?"

Suigetsu pushed to his feet, scowl etched into his face, serious for once. "So why don't you just stay out of it. Before you ask, I'm going to go after him to keep him company because now he'll be up all night, afraid to fall asleep. Like anyone else really gives a rat's ass."

Yamato frowned. "I was just wondering."

"Suigetsu."

Even though it was from a ways away, Sasuke's voice carried.

"I've got it covered," Suigetsu said and followed after Juugo.

Raucous laughter burst out from another portion of the group, the part gathered around Sakura. She shot out of the circle like a rocket, beelining to Kakashi.

"Spoilsport!" Ino called, still laughing. "At least send Sai over here. He's missing out."

Sakura ignored it, cheeks red, and took her place beside Kakashi after waving Sai and Yamato towards the other group. Sai floated on the outside, looking awkward.

"Is everything all right?" Sakura said to Kakashi.

"I think so."

"So Juugo --?"

"He'll be okay."

She nodded, then turned her eyes back to the group, who were smiling and chatting amongst themselves. "Everyone's being so -- ugh. Like it's really something to celebrate that I'm the first one to get married."

Kakashi shrugged. "Don't you all usually celebrate firsts, though? Like your promotions and such. I haven't paid much attention, to be honest."

Sakura pulled a face. "I guess. Shikamaru was first to chuunin, Kiba was the first to get a girlfriend -- that lasted about two weeks -- Neji was the first to jounin, and so forth. But isn't this different? It's like --"

Suddenly, she stopped, looking stricken.

"What is it?" Kakashi spread his legs more so his calf brushed hers.

"Neji was the first to die," she whispered.

"Oh."

Kakashi wasn't sure what to say to that, or how to relate. He'd only had a few friends growing up, and for the most part, they were frought with competition like Gai, cut short by death like Obito, or both.

Shaking her head to clear the glumness from her face, Sakura looked back at her friends and giggled.

"Tenten and Shino are about a hair away from making out back there."

Kakashi looked and saw Sakura was right. The pair was too close, Tenten's hips pressed into Shino's and her face lingering near his as she pushed his sunglasses up with the tip of one finger. She laughed when he pulled them back down in annoyance, resettling them on the bridge of his nose.

But Sakura had already moved on, staring at Sasuke and Hinata with sudden interest. "Ooh, and what's this?"

"What, jealous?" Kakashi's voice was dry, biting more than he would have liked.

Sakura froze, staring at him with wide eyes. "Oh."

Kakashi said nothing, only sat back, draping one long arm over his knee. With one finger, he rubbed the smooth wood of his wedding band, turning it.

"I'm not jealous," she said finally, voice firm but worry in her eyes.

"I followed you, after what you said about the bath. You had eyes on you. Not just mine. You don't have to explain."

Kakashi's voice was terse and she winced.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Sakura said quietly.

Truthfully, Kakashi didn't know if he'd ever stop seeing it, in a twisted sort of way -- Sakura on all fours, mud on her forearms and splashing up to fleck her swinging breasts, full as they were with the weight of pregnancy. Sasuke had been there too, of course, but it was only Sakura that remained in Kakashi's memory, as if seared there. But Kakashi remembered her face, too, full of unpleasant surprise and regret as the lust faded, nothing like the warmth and eagerness she showed Kakashi only yesterday.

"I didn't know before." Sakura smoothed her hands over her belly, expression thoughtful. "I didn't know sex could be like that."

With some effort, Kakashi unclenched his jaw. "Like what?"

"So empty." Sakura's eyes turned back to the fire as she toyed with her own wedding band.

Seeing the tightness in the corners of her mouth and the tension in her fidgeting fingers, Kakashi forcefully relaxed. Sex was insignificant, despite the meaning people insisted on ascribing to it, even Sakura. What mattered was what came afterwards.

"You're my wife now."

"Yes," she said, sagging with relief. "I am."

Kakashi stared into the flames, watching the last light of his first day as a married man dwindle away.


	15. Up in Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the huge delay. I literally completely forgot about this place.

When the morning sunlight permeating through the tent became thick and bright, Sakura couldn’t keep her eyes closed anymore. She’d been awake for a little while now, though she had forced herself back to sleep a few times to enjoy the blissful tranquility of dawn undisturbed a little longer.

 

Seeing Kakashi by her side, still snoring softly, Sakura almost regretted the extra sleep. 

 

After spending the better part of the night consummating their marriage -- for legal purposes, of course -- Sakura had wanted nothing more than to sleep until satiety, but now, just noticing how Kakashi had put his pants on backwards blindly last night, she wished she had woken earlier. There was something about staring at the knot of Kakashi’s pants laying on the small of his back that brought a smile to her face, giddiness deep within her chest. Maybe it was even because of how she had remained naked, while he had felt the need to put at least pants on.

 

Biting her lip as she held her breath, Sakura extended her hand to Kakashi to brush her fingers against the skin of his cheek, though Kakashi caught her wrist before she could do so.

 

“Good morning, wife,” he said, cracking an eye open, lips twisted in a mischievous smirk.

 

Sakura flashed him a grin of her own, hand limp in his hold. “Good morning.”

 

Wife. The word still sounded so foreign to her. Just five years ago, she’d dreamed that it would be paired with Sasuke’s name, something she simply could not fathom today. 

 

“So we’re married, huh?” 

 

It would be a fun story to tell their child someday, maybe. It wasn’t every day that you were ordered by the Hokage to marry you ex-sensei. 

 

“Seems like it,” Kakashi said, toying with the wooden ring around her finger. 

 

Sakura observed it for a while, smiling to herself. Kakashi had actually taken the time -- had thought of -- making the bands for them. If anything, maybe marriage wouldn’t be so bad even if it was forced.

 

After a moment, Sakura’s lips retracted in a small frown. The reason why they had gotten married was nothing to be happy about. Forced by Tsunade, because of an illegitimate child that could ruin Kakashi’s chances of being the next Hokage, all in a world that had gone to shit.

 

“Sakura.”

 

Broken out of her thoughts, Sakura’s green eyes looked up at Kakashi.

 

“It’s going to be alright.”

 

The corner of her mouth twitched back into a shy smile, but Sakura’s gaze avoided him. Nonetheless, when Kakashi wrapped his arm around her body and pulled her as close as her growing tummy would allow him, Sakura leaned into him, hugging him tight.

 

“I know.”

 

...

 

Maybe she had been entirely too naive to believe that the looks would diminish after Kakashi officially became her husband, but Sakura had truly been discouraged by the rumours and sniggers that still followed her everywhere she went. Kakashi had made an honest woman out of her now, hadn’t he? Why was there still a problem?

 

“Is it going to leave a scar?”

 

Arata’s voice was stern, his eyes focused on the wall behind her. 

 

Sakura refocused on Arata’s cheek, on the deep gash inflicted by an enemy who ambushed him on his daily patrol. Thankfully, Arata had managed to dispatch him swiftly after receiving the blow. The gash was deep, the jagged edges of skin indicating that the kunai that had sliced his flesh was worn and dull.

 

The Kizanu clan was becoming a real bother in her daily routine.

 

“It shouldn’t. I’m pretty good at my job, you know.” Sakura was joking, smiling playfully. “You’ll be just like new when I’m done with you.”

 

Arata didn’t answer, stiff under her fingers. For all the times he had flirted with her, tested his luck for a date, he was incredibly cold all of a sudden. The smooth wooden wedding band around her ring finger probably accounted for a part of his distance, but Sakura knew better. Arata had never been one to ignore gossips; he liked to partake in them, especially when some truth was found to them.

 

“There,” Sakura sighed. “All done.”

 

Without even a thank you, Arata was gone.

 

Sakura slumped further in her chair, staring at her feet. She was so tired of it all. What did they care if she slept with Kakashi? What was so wrong with it? 

 

After trying to pass Sasuke off as the father, it had only gotten worse. Kakashi was a liar. So was she, and so was Sasuke. 

 

It wasn’t hard to make out what the whispers that rose wherever she walked said.

 

Whore. Slut. Probably screwed the rest of her team too.

 

The worst remained what she heard about Kakashi. Being insulted was one thing, but being slandered was another.

 

“Sakura?” Yamato said as he peeked through the opening of her tent. “I brought you lunch.”

 

Sakura tipped her head back and ran a hand through her hair, clean and untangled for once. “I don’t need this right now. I really don’t, Yamato-taichou.”

 

Ignoring what she had said entirely, Yamato sat by her and placed a bowl of rice and veggies by her. It was a pleasant sight nonetheless, knowing that these were some of the first crops they had successfully grown without losing a major portion to some sort of infestation.

 

Still, Sakura dearly missed having bread or soba noodles. They did such a great job at filling you up. Hopefully, the wheat situation would be under control soon enough and the cows would stop dying.

 

“I’m not here to chastise you again, Sakura-chan,” Yamato said, smiling in a way that was so obviously forced. “I just thought it would be nice, to have a real chat with you for once.”

 

Lifting an eyebrow, Sakura straightened to look at him. “What, you’re not mad at him anymore?”

 

“I can’t say I approve just yet.” Yamato squirmed slightly under her scrutinizing gaze. “But I talked with senpai, and I can at least admit I had the wrong idea about you two.”

 

“Huh.” Sakura bit her lip to prevent herself from lashing out at him, leaning her cheek on her fist. “It does help when you talk to people instead of just assuming everything, doesn’t it?”

 

“I was just worried about you,” Yamato answered quickly, toying with his chopsticks. “I know I went too far, but you have to understand.”

 

Sakura pursed her lips, pointedly looking away from Yamato. As much as she wanted to be angry at him, she could actually understand. 

 

As a medic, Sakura had seen her share of rape victims. Unlike what some seemed to believe, the cases weren’t all obvious. Rape wasn’t always violent, usually rather a distorted shift in power and authority that shouldn’t have happened.

 

“I’m glad to know it wasn’t like that,” Yamato sighed, breaking Sakura from her thoughts, which had strayed too far into such a case that had been a pain to work. “As uncomfortable as I am with it, I’m glad.”

 

“I guess that’s better than nothing,” Sakura said, throwing a glance at Yamato.

 

The bags under his eyes had grown steadily in the past few months. Now, he always looked exhausted.

 

“Well.” Yamato cleared his throat, chancing another smile. “The pregnancy has been going well, hasn’t it?”

 

Instinctively, Sakura lowered a hand to her belly to rub it through her yukata. Finally past five months, her stomach was really protruding and rounding now. “Without a hitch, as far as we can know for the moment.”

 

“Can you tell if it’s a girl or a boy?” 

 

The genuine interest in Yamato’s voice lightened the weight on Sakura’s shoulders, allowing her to relax in her chair.

 

“We don’t have the tools,” Sakura sighed, all too curious herself. “We’ll know soon enough though, won’t we?”

 

“I wonder what Kakashi’s child will look like,” Yamato chuckled, giving her belly a long look. “I never would have thought Kakashi would be a father one day, you know?”

 

Sakura’s hand paused on her stomach. She had never imagined him as a father before, either.

 

“Sakura?” Yamato called when she stayed silent too long. “Is everything okay?”

 

Quickly, she looked back up at Yamato, flashing him a bright smile while she reached for her food. “Yes, I was just distracted. Thank you for the lunch.  It’s really appreciated.”

 

Most of all, she hadn’t expected that she would carry Kakashi’s child -- any child to begin with, after she had been declared infertile. 

 

“Are you hoping for a girl?”

 

Yamato’s voice strained as he tried to keep the conversation going, and Sakura couldn’t help but feel guilty that she had so little to say now that he was finally trying to  listen to what she had to say.

 

“I…” Sakura rubbed her palm against her forehead, head swimming. “I think I need some fresh air.”

 

Jumping to his feet, Yamato grabbed the bowl out of her hands and helped her up, leading her outside the building. Sakura leaned forward, hands on her knees as she tried her best to keep her breathing under control.

 

In just  three months , if not sooner, she would give birth.

 

Not just give birth, not just become a mother… but bring a real, live human into this world. 

 

A tiny little being who would depend on her for everything for longer than Sakura feared she would be able to handle. 

 

It would cry, it would feed from her breast, it would laugh, it would live… it would  die .

 

The churning in her stomach and the lightheadedness worked their magic and Sakura emptied the contents of her stomach on the grass yet again. 

 

“Oh god,” Sakura whispered through hiccups, tears welling up in her eyes. “Oh god.”

 

\---

 

Kakashi would probably be at the Memorial. Kakashi was always at the Memorial.

 

Threading through the crowd, Sakura hurried, doing her best to look just fine.

 

After all, she always looked just fine, didn’t she? Even after Sasuke left, after Naruto left, after Sasuke tried to kill her, after the world went to shit… after Naruto died.

 

Sakura swallowed hard, focusing on the path before her instead of bothersome thoughts -- that is, until Sasuke appeared in it and Sakura swerved to the right instantaneously, praying that he hadn’t seen her.

 

It’d been almost a month since their  thing at the lake, and they hadn’t spoken a word since. Probably because Sakura avoided him like the plague and never gave him a chance to talk before she disappeared. 

 

That was how Sakura wanted to keep it, especially today.

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke called as he grabbed her arm, preventing her from fleeing even when she tried. “I’ve had enough of you avoiding me already.”

 

“So what?” Sakura snapped, spinning on her heels. “What do you want then?”

 

Sasuke recoiled, barely visibly, seemingly surprised by the venom in her voice. Honestly, she was as well.

 

For a moment, he paused. “We need to talk.”

 

Sucking on the inside of her lip, Sakura looked up at the sky, holding back tears that threatened to spill at any second. “I don’t have the time for that now.”

 

Unrelenting, Sasuke tugged on her arm and led her towards the forest, deaf to any of her protests until the area was private enough.

 

Right now, all that Sakura wanted -- needed -- was to find Kakashi. To make him understand what she had just understood: this was  real . They were going to have a real child together. This wasn’t just some political mistake to handle discreetly, but a baby to feed and love. 

 

“I  know I made a mistake,” Sasuke said, letting go of her arm as he averted his gaze. “I honestly didn’t mean to.”

 

“Sasuke-kun, please,” Sakura sighed, taking his hands in hers. Perhaps with the right amount of gentleness, he would be satisfied and go away. “Just let it go. It's fine.”

 

“Is it?” he asked, eyes narrowing as he looked down at their hands before meeting her gaze. “Because you don’t look fine. You haven’t acted fine.”

 

“It was my mistake, too.” Voice quivering, Sakura tightened her hold on his fingers. “I’d just rather not think about it.”

 

“It wasn’t your mistake, it was mine.” Freeing one of his hands, he placed it on her nape, raising the small hairs there. “But I won’t allow you to shut me out like this.”

 

Jaw clenched, Sakura looked up at Sasuke, watching the way his eyes strained and the hint of shame in them. 

 

“Why is it always a mistake when someone fucks me?” Sakura looked down at her shoes, incredibly sick of their brown color. “Just what is so wrong about it?”

 

“We didn’t -- “ Sasuke hesitated, the skin around his eyes tightening and wrinkles appearing on his usually smooth forehead before he continued. “You didn’t want me to.”

 

“I didn’t stop you.”

 

As hard as he was to read, Sakura could tell she had greatly underestimated how much the event had affected Sasuke, let alone her avoidance of him. His voice was always so even, reflecting the same poise his body emanated, but just like she had learned to with Kakashi, Sakura was starting to discern the small undertones that rippled in his words. 

 

“Is it any less…” His voice trailed off again, his fingers tightening on the skin of her neck. “Does it really matter?”

 

“You were just trying to help me,” Sakura whispered, tugging on his hand. Even if guilt nipped at her stomach for wanting no more than to bolt, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words that Sasuke wanted to hear. “Things got out of control. I don’t blame you.”

 

Sasuke didn’t say another word, but he stared at her, urging her in silence to say something else. In the back of her head, she could just hear him tell her that she  should blame him, but she simply couldn’t.

 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sakura wrapped her arms around his back and planted a kiss on his cheek. 

 

If anything, she was the one to blame.

 

“It’s alright, okay?” she said, sounding as reassuring as she possibly could in her current state. “I’m fine. I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble.”

 

Reluctantly, Sasuke returned her embrace with one arm. 

 

“I have to go now though,” she said quickly, pulling away from him. 

 

Sasuke nodded, though she could feel his eyes on her back when she hurried to leave.

 

\---

 

Finding Kakashi would have been a relief -- if he hadn’t been with someone else, probably gathering more information on a deceased person so he could know if it was fine to write down his name on the stone or not.

 

Almost immediately, Kakashi noticed Sakura when she approached in the distance and turned around, waving his hand and completely ignoring his company, who Sakura just now recognized as Kenshin.

 

“Sakura-chan!” he greeted cheerfully. Just as happily, he turned to Kenshin. “This is my wife, Sakura.”

 

Kenshin only raised an eyebrow. “I know who she is. I work with her.”

 

“A little reminder never hurts, hm?”

 

Sakura sighed and grabbed a fistful of Kakashi’s sleeve. “Everybody knows. Cut it out already!”

 

“Your belly is really growing now, isn’t it?” Kenshin said quickly, most likely trying to avoid another flare of her temper. 

 

“Isn’t it?” Kakashi added, patting Sakura’s stomach.

 

The hand that held his sleeve migrated to his collar, fisting in it roughly. “If you call me fat one more time!”

 

“Pregnant wives,” Kenshin joked as he backed away. “I know what that’s like.”

 

Kenshin had been a father. Before the war.

 

“I said pregnant, Sakura,” Kakashi tried to reassure, placing his hands on her shoulders to keep her at a safe distance. “Not fat.”

 

“B-But…” Sakura could already feel the tears gathering in her eyes and leak from the corners. “I’m  so fat .”

 

When Kenshin simply walked away as discreetly as possible, Sakura couldn’t have been more grateful for the privacy.

 

“Sakura?” Kakashi pulled her into his arms, tipping her chin up so he could take a good look at her face. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m pregnant, Kakashi,” Sakura cried out, growing more alarmed as she registered the word. “ Pregnant .”

 

Kakashi blinked, stroking her hair gently. “We’ve known that for a little while now.”

 

“You don’t understand.” Sakura sniffed, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her yukata. “We’re going to have a  child .”

 

Still, Kakashi looked just as confused.

 

“I don’t know how I can do this,” Sakura whispered brokenly against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him as tight as she could. “I can’t. I can’t. I just  can’t !”

 

Hands now on her shoulders, Kakashi shook her softly, watching her through baffled eyes. 

 

“Sakura, calm down.” Cupping her cheeks, Kakashi placed a small kiss on her lips. “It’s going to be just fine.”

 

Any leash she had on her control snapped. Sakura broke down into a fit of sobs and hiccups, covering her face with her palms. 

 

“Nothing ever goes right when you say that!” A little too hard, she slapped his chest. “I’m carrying  your child! I’m not just pregnant, I’m pregnant with a real child, a thing that’s going to live and depend on me!”

 

“On us,” Kakashi corrected, probably trying to be helpful, but only causing more tears to stream down Sakura’s cheeks. “I’m not going to let anything happen to either of you. I managed to hold that promise to you, at least, no?”

 

“Haruno-san, Hatake-sama.”

 

Sakura’s head whirled around at the foreign voice to see a member of Tsunade’s guard, one of the few non-Hyuuga. 

 

“Go away!” she snapped, burying her face in Kakashi’s shirt. “This can wait until later!”

 

“I-I’m afraid it can’t,” he said, hesitating before he continued. “Hokage-sama has… Hokage-sama has passed away.”

 

Another wave of nausea washed over Sakura.

 

Before she could even truly process the words, Sakura’s knees buckled. Kakashi held her up straight, but Sakura could feel her arms go limp, the sight before her simply twisting and spinning into an incomprehensible mess.

 

Whatever Kakashi or the guard were trying to tell her, Sakura didn’t hear them.

 

It was too much. Everything was simply too much.

 

\---

 

The moment she opened the door to Tsunade’s bedroom, Sakura’s eyes landed on Shizune and she hurried to her side, throwing herself in Shizune’s open arms.

 

“Shizune!”

 

“Sakura,” Shizune said brokenly, hugging the younger girl tightly to her body. “Sakura…”

 

Frantic, Sakura pulled away, though her fists remained tangled in Shizune’s yukata, so she could look towards the bed, where a still Tsunade was lying. As if uncertain that the woman was really dead, Sakura stepped closer to the bed, bringing a trembling hand to Tsunade’s cold cheek. “Shishou…”

 

“What happened?!” Sakura cried, turning around to face Shizune. “Who did this to her?!”

 

Shizune wiped fresh tears with the sleeve of her yukata, choking out a few sobs before she could give any answer. “She just… She said she needed to take a n-nap and… and I-I found her like this!”

 

“Shishou!” Sakura screamed, planting her hands on the mattress besides her mentor. “Shishou!”

 

When Kakashi placed a hand on her shoulder, Sakura jumped. Looking over her shoulder at him, she narrowed her eyes, gritting her teeth.

 

“No!” Too roughly, she swatted his hand away, without a doubt bruising the skin. “This can’t be happening!”

 

Forcefully, Shizune wrapped her arms around Sakura, containing her when she flailed in panic. “Sakura, please.”

 

On the top of her head, Sakura could feel Shizune’s tears fall heavily on her scalp, wetting the hair and skin at an alarming rate.

 

“Shizune,” Sakura whispered, clinging to the other woman desperately. “She can’t… She just can’t…”

 

No matter how much Sakura wanted to -- and did -- protest, it brought no life to Tsunade’s pale and stiff body. Her eyes wouldn’t open no matter how much Sakura willed them to, no matter how much Sakura vowed to give up or how much she cursed life itself, nothing changed.

 

Tsunade was still dead.

 

\---

 

The next few days passed in a haze for Sakura, the same haze that had shrouded her thoughts following the end of the war -- only there was nothing to keep herself busy with now. No one to pull out of a cocoon and celebrate the survival of. No one to look for, no one to save, no one to even  blame .

 

Tsunade had passed away of illness, perhaps due to her old age. 

 

There was no one to kill for revenge, no villain to chase after. No way to get her back.

 

Even when the jonin forum was rushed to the following morning of Tsunade’s death, Sakura couldn’t pull herself out of bed. 

 

What did it matter, when Tsunade wouldn’t even live to see the child of her apprentice? The child that Sakura had been able to conceive only thanks to Tsunade’s technique, on top of that. Sakura knew that Tsunade would have pretended to hate the child -- the brat, she would have called it, probably -- but she would have loved it with all her heart, like her own grandchild.

 

Tsunade  was her mother, for all Sakura cared.

 

Kakashi had come back as soundlessly as he had left. Sakura hadn’t needed more than his silence to know he hadn’t been made Hokage.

 

\---

 

Hiashi -- the Hokage -- gave a long and heartfelt speech before Sakura and the whole village that had gathered at the Memorial Stone to bury their beloved leader.

 

None of the words reached Sakura’s ears through the thick mist that still cloaked her brain in darkness and prevented it from processing anything that happened around her.

 

Sakura knew it was time to say goodbye only when Kakashi led her to the grave, giving soft pats to her shoulder to let her know it was time.

 

Unstable on her feet, Sakura hovered her hand over the hole in the ground, letting a card -- the queen of clubs -- slip through her fingers and float to the bottom until it hit the ground. 

 

Just as he had pulled her there, Kakashi brought her back to the sidelines so the funeral could go on. 

 

...

 

By the time the funeral was nearing its end, the sun was setting, allowing the air to take on a chill that Sakura enjoyed the prickling of on her skin. Being cold was an interesting pain in and of itself. Only it didn’t last, as Kakashi wrapped his jacket around her shoulders.

 

“I’m happy you didn’t become Hokage.”

 

Kakashi cocked his head to the side ever so slightly, pulling her closer to him. “You seemed to think it was a great idea.”

 

“Hokage always die too soon.”

 

Naruto hadn’t even  had the time to become Hokage before he died.

 

Kakashi fell silent next to her, but Sakura didn’t mind. There was nothing to be said. 

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura turned her head to the side, watching the person who had talked to her for a few whole seconds before she recognized Sasuke.

 

“Sasuke?”

 

“I’m sorry for your loss, Sakura,” he said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

 

What did he know about loss? Sasuke never cared about anyone other than himself. The only time he’d truly lost someone, he’d been so young he could probably barely even remember it.

 

Still, when Sasuke opened his arms and brought her into his embrace, Sakura sank into it willingly.  He even gave her forehead a soft kiss.

 

“I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you, Sakura.”

 

Over Sasuke’s shoulder, Sakura observed the village that Tsunade had led, had helped nurture into its current state. A whole six months after the war, it was nice to finally see some decent houses somewhere, even if they were tiny. It was better than nothing.

 

In the far corner of it, Sakura’s eyes registered a faint orange glow. The lights were so pretty, contrasting with the darkness that surrounded them. 

 

Soon enough, Sakura’s mind caught up with the events, recognizing the swaying lights as nothing other than flames. Waterfall district -- a good portion of it -- was on fire. “Fire.”

 

When he turned his head around to align his line of sight with hers, Sasuke’s hair brushed against her cheeks, making her wince.

 

“Fire!”  Kakashi was the first to scream. Many more followed, but everyone still seemed to listen to him.

 

It wasn’t long before any water jutsu users were sprinting behind Kakashi towards the burning district. 

 

Idly, Sakura realized Kakashi had told her -- or maybe Sasuke -- something before going away, but she simply couldn’t figure it out. 

 

“Come with me,” Sasuke said when she didn’t follow him. “We have to get back to the village.”

 

Absent-mindedly, Sakura took the hand that reached for her and walked with Sasuke, falling into pace with him.

 

\---

 

Sitting in Kakashi’s tent, far away from Waterfall district, Sakura could easily drown out the shouts that reached all the way across camp, or maybe from villagers that were closer but nonetheless panicking that the fire would spread to their district.

 

Sasuke sat by her, watching her closely as if a tiny breeze might steal her away through any hole in the tent.

 

Needing little effort to, Sakura ignored him, just as she ignored the past week. If given no thoughts, perhaps the events would simply erase themselves and life could get back on track instead.

 

When Sakura winced and brought her palms to cup the side of her belly, Sasuke leaned in instinctively, ready to protect her from whatever ailment even if he would surely fail.

 

“The baby kicked,” Sakura said, still feeling its movements under her fingers.

 

“Does it hurt?”

 

The innocent curiosity in Sasuke’s voice was enough to bring a hint of a smile to Sakura’s lips. It was almost like he was twelve again, instead of eighteen.

 

Now that she thought about it, it was actually the first time that the baby kicked and moved so hard that it stretched the skin of stomach. Sakura could even feel the movement up in her ribs.

 

“A little, but that hasn’t happened before,” Sakura answered pensively, eyes dropping to her stomach. “I guess it’s starting to get tight in there for it.”

 

A glance in Sasuke’s direction was more than enough for her to notice the wonder flashing in his eyes, the hesitation in his shoulders when his hand inched a little closer to her but retracted.

 

When her hand closed around his and pulled it to lie flat on her stomach under her yukata, Sasuke didn’t pull away. Instead, his eyes stared at his own hand with clear impatience. The baby was taking too long to move again to his taste though, so he dragged his palm a little higher, searching for the right spot until he found it.

 

Seeing the surprise in his eyes when the baby kicked again, hard and right in the center of his palm, Sakura could hear how Sasuke had claimed he would restore his clan when they were introducing themselves to Kakashi. The only way to do that would be to have children of his own. Still, it had been hard to imagine Sasuke being excited over a pregnant belly.

 

“It’s not quite what I had expected,” Sasuke said quietly while he retrieved his hand.

 

As if agitated by Sasuke’s touch, the baby seemed to flail in her womb. Uncomfortable, Sakura leaned back on her hands to try and stretch a little, hoping it would soothe it.

 

After a moment, Sakura’s eyes widened and she sat up straight again. 

 

“Kakashi!” she cried, twisting her neck to look at Sasuke, who was shocked back into an alert state. “He went out there to put out the fire?”

 

Sasuke nodded and Sakura climbed to her feet as quickly as she could, though Sasuke grabbed her arm and prevented her from leaving the tent. 

 

“You have to stay here, Sakura,” he said, pushing her back into a sitting position against her efforts to stand. “It’s not safe for you to go there.”

 

“But it’s safe for him?” Sakura growled, slapping his hands away. “I can’t let something happen to Kakashi!”

 

“Kakashi asked me to keep you here.” Sasuke’s hands weighed on her shoulders again to keep her still. “You’d endanger the baby more than yourself by going there. He’ll be just fine.”

 

Protectively, Sakura wrapped her arms around her belly, whispering, “My baby…”

 

A wave of nausea hit her once more as the haze of the last few days replayed in her mind. How could she be so stupid?

 

“I haven’t eaten in three days,” Sakura said, fingers grabbing a fistful of Sasuke’s sleeve. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

 

Kakashi could function even if she decided to mope and refuse to eat for a while. Kakashi didn’t need her to take care of him. The baby did. Allowing herself to wallow in pity for so long while it had no choice but to depend on her was far too selfish.

 

Frantically, Sakura crawled to Kakashi’s bag, where she knew he had kept the dried part of her rations. As expected, she found a small portion of beef jerky and some fruits. Even if the pangs of hunger hadn’t bothered her for quite a while, Sakura forced the food down her throat.

 

Although Sasuke watched her as if she might have lost it, Sakura could tell he was relieved to see her eating, even if it was with a disgusting lack of manners.

 

“Don’t choke on it,” Sasuke chuckled, rubbing up and down her back when she coughed.

 

Swallowing the last of her small meal, Sakura turned to Sasuke, observing him in silence for a few seconds. 

 

“I’m sorry, Sasuke-kun,” she whispered. “For avoiding you.”

 

Sasuke didn’t reply. Instead, he looked away.

 

The air immediately became harder to breathe, burdened by the weight of the silence that floated between them. 

 

“You have nothing to apologize about,” he finally said, pulling his hand away from her back.

 

Sakura hesitated. “Maybe I don’t. I didn’t want things to turn out this way.”

 

Next to her, even if he made no sound, Sakura could feel Sasuke inhaled deeply before he sighed. 

 

“It shouldn’t have happened,” Sakura whispered, placing her hand on Sasuke’s knee. “But I shouldn’t have allowed it to.”

 

Sasuke’s fingers brushed against hers when he laid his palm on his thigh, his eyes narrowing when he looked in her direction. “Stop making it sound like you did wrong.”

 

“And you stop making it sound like you did everything wrong,” Sakura said, tone impatient and slightly aggressive. “I  am angry at you.” Under her glare, Sasuke frowned, showing rare signs of discomfort. “I’m angry that you did it. I’m angry that I was just too horny to remind you that wasn’t the plan.”

 

As much as she was truly angry and hurt by his behavior in the lake, Sakura couldn’t bring herself to tell him more. Even if he wasn’t saying a word, she didn’t need to hear anything to know that if he had the chance, Sasuke would do things differently. 

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura said as she grasped his shoulder. “I still love you, okay? We can just forget about this.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes met hers again, remaining silent for a moment while he watched her. 

 

“I thought you were the kind to beat sense into people,” Sasuke chuckled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he pulled her closer to him to place a chaste kiss on her temple. “Even as a kid you were scarier than this.”

 

Sakura laughed against his shoulder before shoving him away hard enough to push him back several inches. “Don’t provoke me.”

 

Sasuke flashed her a smug smirk as he straightened himself, dissipating the heaviness that had infiltrated the air for a while. Sakura returned it all too easily.

 

Before the conversation could continue, Sakura stood up and exited the tent, closely followed by Sasuke. 

 

As far as they were from Waterfall district, the orange glow that rose from the fire consuming the tents was clearly visible, still oscillating in time with the flames that reached up. The fire was still raging, refusing to be put out without a fight.


	16. Celandine

Masses of Cloud refugees stood outside the gates, waiting for Ino and anyone else who worked outside the camp to go to work.  Weak as they were -- sickly, bony, faces so sallow it showed under dark skin -- the wall proved an effective deterrent.  How quickly Konoha managed to finish the wall after scouts had spotted the Cloud caravan on its way -- to keep everyone safe from within, including the bedraggled Lightning citizens, most thought at first, but in reality, it was to keep them out just like the Kizanu and any other bandits.

 

"Murderers!"

 

"Oath breakers!"

 

"Heartless swine."

 

The snide comments and nasty shouts followed Ino everywhere these days, but even when she was out of earshot, the words stayed with her like whispers in the dark.  The ones that persisted longest weren't the accusations, but the quiet pleas for food, for shelter, for a  chance.

 

Ino walked past the skinny, filthy bodies, many still bearing traces of the pox too blatant to cover, most scabbed over but some still in full bloom.  Any that thought they could get away with it smeared soot on their discolored scars to try and cover the evidence that the epidemic had touched them -- but it was no use.  The truth was that the epidemic had touched them all, even the medics Konoha sent to help them, whose faces weren't among the ones at the gates -- the survivors.

 

Kumatori.  Oyone.  Ino knew their names, their faces, but not their favorite foods they fantasized about when their stomachs growled, not the way they looked when they laughed, not anything but that they were proficient medics.

 

Shikamaru's face when he agreed --  They were proficient.  \-- told Ino what he thought.  They all knew Sakura and Shizune were more than proficient.  Would they have made a difference?

 

Ino shoved it from her mind as she worked, concentrating on the tasks at hand.  One bad harvest could be enough to topple their precarious supply of food stores.  Just one.  The farmers' faces were all tight these days as the pressure weighed down on them.  No one spoke of how common poor harvests were.

 

\---

 

The days flowed in and out.  Every day, Ino went through the ruins of Waterfall district on her way to work and saw what the Kizanu attack had wrought.  The scorched metal beams, the twisted heaps of plastic, the few routed buildings -- they never changed.  No one had the energy or manpower to clean it up beyond removing anything obviously dangerous, so everyone just learned to watch their step and walk around it.  Perpetual soot added to the residents' grubbiness, at least the ones that weren't dead or still laid up in the hospital that Sakura never seemed to leave anymore.  "Damn the Kizanu," they all said now like a mantra, and then spat on the ground, a curse and a superstition all in one.

 

Lee, too, was always busy rebuilding, never one to tolerate seeing someone cold or in pain, so Ino continued her routine.  She went to oversee her farmers in the fields, doing her best to close off her heart as she had to walk stone-faced through Waterfall and then the tattered camp of the Lightning refugees.  They were starving now, bellies bloating despite the efforts they made to subsist off of the picked-clean surrounding forests, but Ino forced herself each day to march on, on, and on, lest everyone share Cloud's fate.  If Ino lost it now, they all might starve.  So she found solace in habit, ignored the plights of those who weren't her own, and made the rounds to visit at least one friend per day, smiling the way it was expected of her.  Another day, another problem she couldn't solve, another smile.

 

Today it was Shino, only he never said much.  The only people he ever used to talk to were Kiba and sometimes Naruto, and they were both dead.  In the old days, Shino talked to Hinata and Kurenai too, but now whenever they got together they were grim, polite ... distant.  The ghost of Kiba was between them still.  They all understood, so no one pried.

 

Even this thing with Tenten -- whatever it was -- seemed to be fueled mostly by anger.  Shino had never truly forgiven Tenten for her callousness in the wake of Kiba's death, Tenten felt guilty, and Ino wasn't so sure it was a bad thing because at least sex was human interaction.  Both of them needed it, so Ino wouldn't judge how they chose to go about finding it.  She poked fun, of course, to try and maintain some sense of normalcy.  Shino still smiled at her whenever she came around, so Ino supposed he didn't mind.

 

When Ino's meager break was over, Shino whipped off his glasses to clean them and Ino was surprised again, like she always was, at how soulful his eyes were.  Without his glasses, Shino lost the aloof air of the clan he was the last of, the clan he had fully embodied since birth -- without his glasses, he was just a tired man.

 

"Dinner tonight?" he asked, his voice gravelly from disuse.

 

Ino beamed.  "Family Friday!"

 

Since his glasses were still in his limp hand, Ino caught the flash of pain that warped his face for a split second.  As if to ward such feelings off, Shino pushed the lenses up his nose with one finger.  Those flimsy pieces of tinted plastic were his most important piece of armor.

 

"Family Friday," he echoed dully, and turned on his heel to go back to work, leaving Ino behind.

 

\---

 

Family Friday used to be a Yamanaka tradition.  All the families in the clan would get together one night a week, even as the clan numbers dwindled to just two or three families, and now just Ino herself.

 

After Ino returned to Konoha, it had been a fairly normal mealtime, surrounded by her remaining friends.  Ino called it "Family Friday” in a fit of black humor.

 

Sai had leaned over to Sakura and whispered too loudly, "I do not have a family.  Does that mean I should leave?"

 

Sakura had batted him across the head roughly but laughed.  "Of course you have a family, idiot.  What do you think I am?"

 

The look on Sai's face -- one of confusion, surprise, happiness, and longing all mixed in one -- had forced Ino's battered heart into her teeth.  From that day on, she always claimed Friday for family and it had caught on.  Despite Ino's hopes, Sai didn't seem to adopt the rest of them, showing up obediently when Sakura dragged him but never of his own volition.  Almost everyone else seemed to appreciate the gesture, though.  Even Hinata usually came down from her ivory tower to join them.

 

Ino looked around the small clearing they always used, musing about the family she'd ended up with.  The old saying was that you can't choose your family, and even though none of these people were related to her by blood, the idiom was true nevertheless.  She never would have guessed that Gaara and Kankuro of the Sand would ever be having some bizarre debate about enhanced sand vs. pure chakra, complete with actual warring sand and chakra, over Ino's serving dishes, or that Ino would ever have the nerve to knock their skulls together to make them stop.  Nevertheless, the esteemed Kazekage was now sporting a lump just to the left of his tattoo.

 

Love.  Ino thought it was fitting.  Even bumped heads could be love. Even bruised hearts could mend.

 

When Lee laid a casual hand on the top of Ino's head, she turned and kissed him right on the mouth.  As she deepened the kiss, Kankuro catcalled.  Lee broke the liplock, cheeks blazing, and it was true that they usually weren't so demonstrative, but just now, Ino didn't care.

 

Swiping her thumb, Ino wiped a bit of her spittle from the corner of Lee's mouth.  "I love you, you know that?"

 

He smiled, relaxing his shoulders.  "Of course I know that, Ino-chan.  I love you as well."

 

They all finally settled down around the food -- all their rations lumped together -- but no one ate.

 

It was Chouji who said it, from his coveted seat next to his father, envied because blood relatives remained to him, even just the one.

 

"Should we wait for them?  For Sakura at least?"

 

Ino's smile stayed propped up by habit alone.  "No.  I doubt she's coming."

 

Despite it being clear they were welcome, Sai and Yamato rarely showed up.  Kakashi only had once or twice.  Even when they did come, they kept to each other anyway.  Sakura, though, used to attend faithfully, and then less and less as time wore on.  Even though the last time she made it to a Family Friday had been well before she married, each week there was a moment of awkwardness when they didn't know whether to expect her or not.

 

Last week on her own way to the group dinner, Ino had stumbled across Sakura by chance.  She was completely unconcerned with the unwritten obligation she was neglecting -- or perhaps had forgotten it -- instead enthusiastically giving Sai a cooking lesson.  It seemed one of them had managed to snare a scrawny rabbit and Sakura was trying to show Sai how to skin it, only it wasn't going so well.  Eventually, Juugo confiscated it and tore the bloody hide off in one sinuous movement.

 

"Guts next, baby!" Suigetsu cheered, laughing.  "Let me do it.  Pretty please?  With cherries on top?”

 

Sasuke, Yamato, and Kakashi observed from a safe distance, respectively looking bored, concerned, and amused.

 

Watching them, Ino suddenly realized she was an outsider.  Abandoning her plan of haranguing Sakura into joining Family Friday, Ino slipped away unseen.

 

No, Ino thought glumly as she was about to sink her spoon into yet another stew,  there's no point in waiting.  Not anymore.

 

Idly, Ino wondered just how bruised a heart could get.

 

"Shizune!" Kurenai called, and Ino looked up jerkily.

 

Shizune stood there, ration bowl in her hand, looking awkward.  "I hope you don't mind.  It's just so quiet at mealtimes now without Tsunade-sama..."

 

"Take a seat!" Chouza boomed, sliding closer to Chouji.  Wordlessly, they all shifted to make room for Shizune.

 

Ino had invited Shizune before, but this was the first time she showed up.  Ino's smile returned, all morose thoughts washed away.  The best thing about hearts, Ino reminded herself, is that they were infinite.  Inside them, there was always space for more.

 

\--

 

The meal was winding down -- another success, away from prying eyes and expectations that were impossible to live up to.  Even the hunger was beginning to go away, not so much out of nourishment but rather they had grown accustomed.  Either way, Ino was grateful that the constant gnawing in her stomach had begun to subside.  Never again would she diet, even if she were to get so fat she had to be rolled around.

 

Out of habit, Shikamaru handed the nearly empty serving bowl to Chouji.  In it, one small piece of stringy beef swam in watered down broth.  Every other Friday, meat of some sort was served, always a nice treat.

 

Chouji stared at it for a second and then handed it to Kurenai, bowing his head.  “Kurenai-sensei, you should have this.”

 

Shikamaru did a double take, nearly dropping the filthy grass cigarette from his mouth.  Ino wished he had; she loathed them even more than actual cigarettes.

 

“That’s the last piece of beef,” Ino said, brow furrowed.  To this day, Chouji claimed the last morsel as his own, and they had all grown used to it.

 

Kurenai only smiled and pushed the bowl back towards him.  “It’s yours.”

 

The bowl remained extended, even as Chouji’s hands began to shake.

 

“It’s a great honor,” Chouza said, nodding in approval at his son.

 

“I want you to have it,” Chouji insisted.  “You need it.”

 

To emphasize his point, Asuma began to cry where he was nestled Ino’s arms.  He was hungry and teething and he’d fussed all night.

 

Kurenai blushed, but took the bowl from Chouji.  They all knew how she kept Asuma fed.  Most of them had babysat at least once, though usually it fell to Ino, if she was free.

 

“Hush now,” Ino whispered to the baby, rubbing his back.  Asuma grabbed a lock of her hair and shoved it into his mouth, grinding it happily.  “That can’t taste good, can it?” Ino laughed, but he didn’t seem to care.

 

What would Sakura do?  Between them all, despite their best efforts, they couldn’t muster up enough spare food to do much to help even Kurenai, let alone two nursing mothers.  Would Ino soon find herself babysitting two children whose mothers couldn’t say why and wouldn’t meet her eyes?

 

“You all are going to make me fat,” Kurenai joked, but it fell flat, thin even on the surface.

 

Kankuro went with it, though, laughing raucously and poking Temari in the belly, which was covered by a baggier shirt than usual.  “I think Temari will beat you to it.”

 

Temari shot her brother an icy glare.  “I’m not fat.  I’m pregnant, you blind moron.”

 

The wooden bowl -- empty, thankfully -- clattered to the ground from Kurenai’s limp hands.   Her red-ringed eyes were wide with fear, but her mouth was lined in resignation.

 

Shifting uneasily, Temari waved a dismissive hand.  “Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped, the sharp edge on her voice belying the self-conscious tilt to her shoulders.  “I’m not some lovesick fool like Sakura.  I’ll be terminating as soon as possible.”

 

Ino continued patting Asuma on the back, dazed, and finally thought to look at Shikamaru.  His eyes were clenched shut, his cigarette burning down, ashes falling to stain his jacket as it trembled between his lips.

 

“Thank God,” Tenten said, relief evident in her voice, and Shikamaru flinched.

 

“Is it safe?” Shino said with genuine curiosity, looking to Shizune.

 

Shizune hesitated.  “Safer than childbirth, certainly.”

 

“I hope everyone can respect my sister’s decision,” Gaara said suddenly, face blank, a hint of the commanding tone of the Kazekage bleeding into his voice.

 

“Respect it?” Kurenai said, laughing bitterly.  “It’s the best news I’ve heard in months.”

 

“Such things are a woman’s domain,” Chouza said, though he clapped Shikamaru on the back, squeezing his shoulder.  “It has always been so.”

 

Shikamaru had recovered quickly, customary blasé expression pasted back on his face.

 

“Chouji, since you’re in such a generous mood tonight, why don’t you help me clear up?” Ino said brightly, attempting to diffuse the situation.  “And Shikamaru, I think it’s your turn, too.”

 

Chouji took the cue and started gathering dishes while Ino handed off Asuma to Kurenai, who held him to her and breathed deeply into his neck, still shaken from Temari’s news.  For everyone else, too, the facade was brittle.

 

“You didn’t tell me, eh?” Kankuro said, faking a smile and a too hard punch to Temari’s arm.

 

Something flashed across Temari’s face and in her deep blue eyes as she slipped out of her brother’s reach -- guilt, perhaps.  “I thought it was better to tell everyone all at once.  If I had to do it twice, three, four times --”

 

“It’s all right,” Kankuro was quick to say, though when he turned his face away, tight with repressed emotion, it was clear he had changed his mind and wanted out of the conversation as quickly as possible.

 

To cover up his change of heart, Kankuro threw an arm around his stoic brother.  “Maybe we’ll be uncles one day, when things are better.  Try and contain your excitement, Gaara.”

 

Shikamaru dropped some utensils into the dirt and swore, kicking at them rather than leaning down to pick them up.  Chouji gathered them quickly and handed them to Ino, who put them back in the basket in which they belonged.  While they finished the routine, everyone else trickled away to escape the tense mood.

 

As he walked away, Lee dragged his hand across Ino’s back, tingling along her shoulder blades.  Normally, he would try to help with the dishes, but tonight, he knew better.  Ino was grateful he was such a perceptive man.

 

Ino’s team cleaned quietly, but when they were finished and finally alone, they sat in the clearing instead of going back to camp.  They lay on the grass in a loose circle staring up at clouds it was too dark to see, the damp slowly invading their clothing, until Chouji spoke.  He was the icebreaker.  That was his role.

 

“That was some bomb Temari dropped back there.”

 

Shikamaru only grunted and lit a new grass cigarette.  The night was still, with no breeze, and the only movement was that of the passing of the cigarette between the three.  They each took small puffs and exhaled the opaque white smoke, taking comfort in the act.

 

As Ino handed the rolled weeds back to Shikamaru, almost burnt down to her fingertips, she said, “Why haven’t you told her you’re not okay with it?”

 

Shikamaru took a long drag with shaking fingers.  “Women are troublesome.”

 

\---

 

"Boo!" Ino said as she pounced into Sakura's exam room.  Tenten trailed behind, unenthusiastic, expression dull unless she caught Ino looking and brightened it up.

 

Sakura didn't even notice them, rubbing a spot on her ribs and muttering to herself as she tended to do these days.  "Of course he would get toxoplasmosis, trying to eat such filthy things.  Why didn't I put a stop to it?"

 

Falling out of her playful stance, Ino frowned, concerned.  "What's wrong?"

 

Sakura finally turned around, offering them a half-hearted twitch of her lips.  "Sorry.  I was distracted.  Did you come to collect me for lunch then?  I'm starving."

 

"Sakura."

 

Ino pushed through Sakura's veneer with her voice, for once thankful it was raspier now than it had been before the war.  It caught more attention, was dismissed less easily.  Sakura was no exception and sighed, forgoing the pretense of resistance.

 

"More children died today," Sakura said, her hand falling away from her rounded belly.  "Nothing new.  Same fevers.  It's not contagious, but it's our fault they're sick at all."

 

"Asuma will have to go there," Tenten said, but Ino didn't know why she bothered.  They all knew it would eventually happen, especially now that Tsunade was dead and all special treatment evaporated.

 

"Not for awhile yet," Ino said, looking down at her feet.  How she missed cute shoes.  "Things could be different by then."

 

They could be, but likely, they wouldn't be.  It went unspoken.  Tenten turned her hollowed face away, and Ino's frown cut deeper.  Tenten was having a harder and harder time putting on a brave face these days, and it was mostly for her that Ino had sparked this idea -- that and forcing Sakura to participate in a group activity.

 

"Well, did you want to have lunch then?" Sakura said, smiling to change the mood.

 

Ino took the opening, a wicked grin spreading across her face.  "I hope you don't have plans, because if you did, they're cancelled.  We're going to a natural hot spring for the afternoon.  I've cleared it with our bosses and everything."

 

Cocking her head to the side, Sakura raised one curious pink brow.  "And just how did you manage that?"

 

"Called in favors!" Ino chipped, and then flounced over to Sakura to turn her around and frogmarch her out of the room.  "Maybe I flirted with a few people, maybe I didn't, but if they were stupid enough to get distracted by pouty lips, that's their problem.  And don't be a sourpuss about it.  Your boss is Shizune, and it was half her idea to begin with."

 

"Hinata has to work through lunch, but after that, even she's coming," Tenten supplied, getting into the spirit a little bit, an upward tilt finally tugging at the corner of her mouth.  "Temari too."

 

"Sounds great," Sakura said, but there was still a shadow to her smile.  "I just want to visit Udon first."

 

"Why Udon?" Tenten said as they left the room.  "He wasn't burnt in the fire, was he?"

 

The look in Sakura's eyes as she averted her gaze off to the side felt like it froze the blood in Ino's veins.  "God, no.  He just had a cough, I thought."

 

Sakura still wouldn't meet their gazes.  "He's always been sickly, even before the war.  They almost didn't pass him in the Academy because of it, Konohamaru said."

 

The silence was tense as Sakura led the way through the busy throughways, confident in her direction.

 

"Udon works in the pits, doesn't he," Tenten said more than asked.

 

"With Konohamaru, yes," Sakura said, face pinched.  Instinctively, she cupped her baby bump protectively with her arms, but as she swept into a particular ward, passing by the lingering burn victims, she affected a wide smile.  "Udon-kun, look who I've brought to see you today."

 

Tenten stopped dead as they passed the threshold, eyes wide as she took in the number of makeshift gurneys in the ward.  Udon was the eldest occupant.

 

Udon didn't respond to Sakura, only drew in rattling, wheezing breaths, but he smiled anyway.  Konohamaru was sitting at his bedside, staring desperately at his friend as if Udon might crumble into ash and blow away at any second.

 

"Look at all the pretty girls here for you," Konohamaru said, though he didn't spare said girls a glance.

 

Udon tried to laugh, but succeeded only in coughing.  "Don't be ... jealous," he rasped.

 

"I can't help it," Konohamaru said, proceeding with a whingeing tone of voice as if everything was normal, despite the terrified look on his face.  "Remember what I said when we heard Sakura was pregnant?"

 

He waited for Udon to answer, but when he couldn't catch his breath enough to speak, Konohamaru went on.  "I said I never knew moms could be hot."

 

Sakura was blushing from her annoying cleavage to the edge of her hairline, and no matter how much Ino wanted to laugh at her, she knew better than to interrupt this.

 

Udon tried again.  "I said ...  I said then how are there siblings, dumbass?"

 

"That's right, you did," Konohamaru said, but his smile was distinctly watery.

 

Ino felt weak at the knees.  No matter where she turned, there was no escape from this -- death, decay, and the scrambling of the ones left behind.  A boy as sweet as Udon wasted away in this hellhole and there was nothing anyone could do, judging by the pained twisting of Sakura's features as she stared at the boy.  It was so commonplace that barely anyone had even noticed.

 

"I'll pick you some flowers tomorrow, Udon-kun," Ino said, and smiled.  "Brighten this place up a bit, eh?"

 

Flowers were beautiful; trips to the hot spring were beautiful; baby Asuma was beautiful.  Everything else was ugly, so why dwell on it?  What good would come of it?

 

"Tomorrow..." Udon whispered with a wistful little smile, and his eyes fluttered close as he drifted off to sleep.  "That's nice."

 

"Thanks for coming," Konohamaru said wearily, rubbing the dark circles under his eyes a bit too roughly.  "He needs his rest now."

 

"So do you," Sakura said, ruffling his spiky hair.

 

Konohamaru shrugged her off, face hardening with a shake of his head.  "I have to be here.  I can't miss it."

 

Blinking away the beginning of tears, Sakura bent over with some difficulty because of her belly and gave Konohamaru a peck on the cheek.  "He knows you're here for him.  He'd want you to sleep."

 

Konohamaru said nothing, spine rigid as he faced away from them toward Udon.  Sakura sighed and led the girls out of the ward toward the exit.

 

When Sakura spoke as they made their way outside, her voice was small and weighted down like stones sewn into the hem of a dress.  "Part of me is glad Naruto isn't alive to see this."

 

Ino said nothing and Tenten pursed her lips, and though she stayed silent as well, something about her expression troubled Ino enough to stay on her mind afterwards.

 

"I'm not in the mood for lunch," Tenten said eventually.  "I'll meet you later."

 

Before they could protest, Tenten was gone.  Sakura and Ino exchanged a glance but kept walking to the food line.  After all, in the end that was all you could do in spite of everything: keep moving forward.

 

\---

 

Sakura and Ino relaxed on the floor of Ino's house she had chosen to share with Lee and Kurenai.  Truthfully, it was more of a two room shack and lacked any furnishings whatsoever.  Being high up on the housing waitlist was one of the few perks of Ino's position, and though she sometimes hated her job, it put a roof over Asuma's head before winter so she couldn't help but love it as well.

 

"No way," Sakura said with her mouth full, sucking down her food.  "She announced it like  that ?"

 

The hunger had not subsided for Sakura, it seemed, and Ino spooned some of her gruel into Sakura's bowl without a word.  Sakura hesitated, but with a glance down at her expanded waistline, she accepted.

 

Before Sakura could say anything, Ino continued.  "I don't think she wanted to leave room for argument."

 

"Probably didn't want it coming out in bits and pieces like me," Sakura said, smirking wryly.  "Didn't want to end up hitched all sudden-like.”

 

Ino’s spoon paused scraping her wooden bowl.  “It’s not such a bad fate to marry Shikamaru.”

 

With a roll of her eyes, Sakura finished scraping her own bowl.  “I didn’t mean anything about  him , Pig -- though to be honest, I can’t imagine him as anything but lazy in bed, and that can’t be much fun in a prospective husband.  I just meant she doesn't strike me as the shotgun type of girl."

 

“You mean to tell me that Kakashi  isn’t lazy in bed?”

 

The incredulous question slipped out of Ino’s mouth unbidden.  They were girlfriends, and Ino had been raised to think that girlfriends talked about everything -- boys, sex, and especially marriage.  At least  best friends.  Somehow, though, that sort of thing had dissipated between them until Ino didn’t find out that Sakura was sleeping with  anyone let alone  that man until he drunkenly announced it to the world.  Ino didn’t find out Sakura was marrying the same man until she showed up outside of Ino’s tent looking as if she might cry, asking Ino to be a witness.

 

Sakura just laughed breezily.  The question didn’t phase her.

 

“Why would you say that?  I only told you about the first time, you know.  He has his moments.  Actually, we’re only married because we got caught when he wanted to play doctor.”

 

As unaffected as she might want to appear, Sakura still blushed heavily, just as she always did when she was embarrassed.  Sakura  had told Ino about the night she lost her virginity, at Ino’s insistence upon suddenly learning her best friend was  pregnant \-- the girl she thought would tell her the first time she kissed a boy, the girl she thought she could share all those moments and insecurities with.

 

The story was one Ino barely understood, starting at a river and ending with a stilted card game, but what stuck with her was the completely nonchalant voice Sakura used when she described Kakashi silencing her, shushing her, cursing at her.  He just wanted to get on with it, it seemed, and Sakura complied without thought.  Ever since, Ino had not known what to think.  That moment when Kakashi told Sakura to “cut the bullshit” may have seemed perfectly normal to Sakura -- automatic, like obeying an order -- but to Ino, it seemed perfectly dangerous.

 

Until that moment, Ino had never really understood why captains were not supposed to sleep with subordinates.  On the battlefields, on missions, the chain of command was absolute, and they had all had it drilled into them since before their memories truly began.  It was a part of them.  Sakura didn’t think of it that way, clearly, and with all the nasty looks she got, Ino knew she didn’t need to be told.  So Ino trusted, and they moved forward, but still, it hung between them, unsaid, unresolved.  Usually, Sakura didn’t volunteer information and Ino didn’t ask.

 

“He’s just as lazy as Shikamaru,” Ino said now, pouting as was expected, trying to cover up the lingering pause.

 

“I guess there are some things a man gets off his ass for,” Sakura said, giggling.  ”Even a man like Shikamaru, I’d bet.”

 

Ino tried to smile, but couldn’t stop some seriousness from bleeding through.  "Did  you strike you as the shotgun type of girl?”

 

Sakura blinked, surprised by the question.  “When we were twelve?  Certainly not.  Remember what I said back then?”

 

At this, Ino truly did smile.  “You said you’d wear a pink dress.”

 

“Why did I think it was a good idea to match my hair?  Please don’t let me do that, okay?”

 

“Well, you’re already married now.  You wore a hideous red yukata.  So I guess you’re safe.”

 

Sakura laughed half heartedly, worrying her smooth wooden wedding band.  It couldn’t be clearer to Ino that Sakura’s marriage wasn’t a happy memory for her, and yet, day to day, she seemed to get on as well as could be expected.

 

“What’s being married like?” Ino asked suddenly, deciding to press her luck.  “Do you like it?”

 

Sakura set her empty bowl on her belly like a shelf, and Ino filed the image away to tease her about later.  Now, though, she watched Sakura’s face as the corners of her mouth tugged down and her eyes narrowed slightly in thought.

 

“It’s just an order, but I don’t  dislike it.  Most of the time, it’s about the same as before.  Kakashi seems happy about it, at least.  The baby might appreciate it when it grows up -- not being a bastard, technically, that is.”

 

Ino laid her own bowl to the side, leaning forward in interest.  “What about you, though?  Not Kakashi.  Not the baby.  You.  It’s your duty, but…?”

 

With some hesitance, Sakura raised her eyes to look at Ino and smiled brightly -- too brightly.  “It’s nice.  Like I said, it’s mostly the same, only we don’t have to hide.  He’s a good husband.”

 

Ino tried to cover her blank stare with a weak smile.  What did that mean?  Had Tsunade really forced Sakura into something like this, a marriage she wasn’t even comfortable talking about, let alone being a part of?  It was a question Ino asked herself every day.  She hoped the woman was rolling in her grave.

 

Before Ino could wheedle more out of Sakura, a knock came at the door.  By the time Ino had gotten up and answered it -- Temari was waiting on the other side -- Sakura was still trying to get off the floor, struggling a little bit.

 

It was discomfitting and a little worrisome in these troubled times to see Sakura, usually so lithe and athletic, waddle around with limited mobility, but Ino didn’t let on.  She smiled wickedly and pulled Sakura to her feet.  Sakura puffed her cheeks out with a little huff, rolling her eyes at Ino.

 

“Glad that’s not going to be me,” Temari said flatly.  “How can you stand it?”

 

Sakura’s eyes flashed with hurt, the amused look dropping off her face abruptly.  “It’s better than the alternative.  Some things are worth it.”

 

“Let’s go get Tenten,” Ino said loudly, walking between the twin glares.

 

Luckily, just as they were leaving, Hinata sprinted towards them.

 

“Am I late?” she said, short of breath.

 

“Just leaving now,” Ino chirped, pushing aside the darkness that eroded the edges inside her until they were rough and cut and bled into her core.  She forced a smile and the brightness that came with it, shining light on the shadows.

 

“Tenteeeeeeen,” Ino called brightly as they neared the tent she shared with Shizune.  “Are you ready?  Let’s get this show on the road!”

 

Tenten didn’t answer, so Ino looked to Sakura, who shrugged.  Usually, Tenten was as precise in timing as she was in everything else.  She was rarely late.

 

“Shizune?” Sakura said, but they all knew she would be taking her lunch at work, as she always did.

 

With a sigh, Sakura bent over and unzipped the tent with familiarity.  After all, she used to live there.

 

“Well, is she in there?” Temari asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

 

But Sakura said nothing.  She was frozen, half bent over, and with her center of gravity altered, Ino worried Sakura would topple right over.

 

Hinata fidgeted, taking a step towards Sakura and then falling back again.  “S-Sakura?”

 

“Oh my God.”

 

Those three words told Ino what was in the tent before she shoved Sakura gently aside to look anyway.  The pool of blood confirmed her suspicions and Ino followed the trail to two perfectly straight vertical lines carved just below the joints of Tenten’s limp arms.  They had all been taught to aim for the elbow joint, that if the artery there was nicked, an enemy could bleed out within minutes.

 

The cuts were made with sharp blades and exactly precise, just as Tenten did everything.

 

\---

 

In the old Konoha, every ninja was given a public funeral, genin to Hokage.  Now, though, after the initial mass funeral, only Tsunade had received public acknowledgement.  People grieved in their own ways and had their own private funerals.  Afterwards, someone visited Kakashi, and he quietly inscribed the names into the stone that was growing more and more crowded.

 

They had decided to eat dinner first, but now Ino questioned that decision.  People were eating, petty grief not enough to miss a meal these days -- and not a face was missing, for once -- but the silence was grim.  Next to her, Lee was sitting there rigidly, putting his spoon to his face in a mechanical, repetitive way.

 

She frowned and petted his brow.  He almost flinched at the touch and then registered it was her, softening -- but so unlike him, he still did not smile.  Seeing him this way, Ino counted her lucky stars.  Her parents might be dead, and Asuma-sensei might be dead, but Shikamaru, Chouji, and Sakura remained to her.  Lee was all alone now -- all except for Ino.

 

“She came to see me,” Lee said, breaking the silence with a hesitant, jerking voice.  “Just before.”

 

“Did she say anything?” Shino spoke too fast, chest heaving so it was barely noticeable.

 

Lee’s eyes slid closed.  “Tenten said -- she said she could not see the point anymore in watching everyone die slowly.  She wanted to know if I ever wished it would just get over with already.”

 

A sob tore through Hinata’s peaceful facade and she buried her face in her knees.  To Ino’s surprise, it was Sasuke seated next to her that leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, comforting her.

 

“What did you respond, then?” Gaara asked calmly.

 

Lee flinched and opened his eyes, turning to cup Ino’s cheek.  “I said no, I did not wish that.”  His deep dark eyes bored into Ino, making her catch her breath.  “I said it was time to find her hope again.”

 

Ino blinked away tears of her own, putting her hand over Lee’s much larger one.  She was Lee’s hope now, and she knew it.  She had been since the long journey back to Konoha from the battlefield -- stumbling, starving, facing the very real possibility that they were the only people left alive in the world.  Being Lee's talisman was a big responsibility -- perhaps the biggest she had these days in a long list of them -- but then he was hers, too.

 

For a long time again, no one said anything.  What was there to say, after that?  Even the loudmouth on Sasuke’s team didn’t speak, subdued.

 

“It’s time,” Chouji finally said, and they went through the motions of clearing up.

 

Lee, Shino, Konohamaru, and Sai slipped away.  Ino knew why and it made her mouth go dry like cotton.

 

As the rest of them all walked toward the new graveyard -- the old one had filled up -- Sakura fell into place next to Ino.  Quietly, Ino slipped her hand into Sakura’s and they ignored each other’s sweaty palms, gripping tightly.

 

When they were all gathered around the twin graves, the boys came forward, bearing makeshift stretchers.  Sai, stoic as always, accompanied a surly Konohamaru bearing the stretcher with Udon’s body.  His feet stuck out over the edge.  He had just hit his growth spurt.

 

Holding Ino’s hand so hard it was beginning to hurt, Sakura was staring at those feet, stripped of shoes.  Shoes were too valuable to bury.

 

“He was a good boy,” she whispered as they lowered Udon into the ground.  “Such a good boy.”

 

Konohamaru heard her and it was too much for him.  He burst into tears.  Sakura broke from Ino and pulled Konohamaru to her in a hug, patting his head as he sobbed into her chest.  Ino just watched them, numb.  She hadn’t known Konohamaru’s team well like Sakura had, but Konohamaru himself was practically raised by Asuma.  After the boy’s parents died, the Sandaime had taken him in, but being Hokage, he was busy.  Asuma stopped guarding the daimyo and came home when he got the news of his older brother's passing.  By the time Ino’s team came to be, Konohamaru was usually around Asuma’s house whenever Ino was there, at least.  But they had never truly become close, so what could she say to him now?

 

Ino’s attention was snapped away by the sound of Lee’s quiet tears, a sound she’d know anywhere.  Shino and Lee were lowering Tenten into her own grave now.  All of a sudden, Ino felt weak at the knees, but before she could fall, Chouji had his arm around her.

 

“Don’t lose your hope either, eh?” he said into her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

 

Ino didn’t respond, leaning into Chouji, his tall body not as solid as she remembered but still there.  Sai shoveled the first mound of dirt into Udon’s grave, and then passed the shovel to Shikamaru, and so it began.  When Ino’s turn came and Chouji handed her the shovel, she shoveled her mound in wordlessly and then passed it to Sakura.  They continued to pass it around the circle.

 

Temari’s fourth turn began to fill in Tenten’s grave.  Her face was angry, the push of the shovel into the dirt too forceful.  “I can’t believe she did this.  The way she fought me …  I never thought she’d give up.”

 

Kankuro took the shovel for his turn and then handed it to Gaara.  “Things aren’t the same as they were then.  Everything’s shit now.  Are you really surprised it got to someone?”

 

Shizune took the shovel next, weeping openly, and then handed it to Shino, who took it with shaking hands.

 

Breaking form, Shino spoke.  “She said she felt caged.  Trapped.  She didn’t know how to be free.  I guess this -- I guess this was her idea of --”

 

Choking, he handed off the shovel to Kurenai, trading it for baby Asuma, who began to cry, catching the mood.  Kurenai laid a hand on Shino’s shoulder, but the tension in them did not ease, and finally she shoveled her dirt in and passed the shovel to Hinata, who shoveled quickly.  Sasuke took the tool from her and she relinquished it easily.

 

“I’d rather take a chance being free in a shit world than being caged in one,” Sasuke said in his smooth voice, surprising them all.

 

“Death isn’t freedom,” Suigetsu said, taking his turn shoveling, face sour.  “Death is death.”

 

“We were free,” Juugo said, shoveling with a look of concentration.  “Once.”

 

Sakura hugged Konohamaru tighter to her, whose tears had finally subsided.  “Why do we stay?”

 

Sasuke laughed, earning a few dirty looks.  “Do animals stay in cages because they want to?”

 

His insensitive laughter didn’t seem to bother Sakura.  Her face was deadly serious as she said, “If we don’t want to stay … then let’s not stay.  Let’s try for ourselves.”

 

This shocked the bitterness from Sasuke’s features.  Kakashi paused with the shovel halfway to the dirt mound, rigid for a split second, and then resumed the expected motion, skipping over Yamato to hand the shovel back to Sai.  Everytime the shovel passed him over, the shadows grew on Yamato’s face.  He grabbed his stump as if it pained him.

 

No one said another word until the graves were filled in.  Lee turned to Kakashi, face pained.  “Will you --”

 

“Of course,” Kakashi said, smiling lightly.  “The names will be on the stone tomorrow.”

 

Lee relaxed somewhat, seeking Ino with his eyes.  She went to stand next to him in silent support as he stared down at Tenten’s grave.  People began to trickle away without goodbyes; words were too cumbersome right now, so Ino didn’t blame them.

 

Both Konohamaru and Lee, though, showed no signs of wanting to leave.  After all, they had so much in common now, being the last of their teams.  Sakura stood next to Konohamaru, looking at him with concern in her eyes.

 

“I’m fine,” Konohamaru insisted loudly in a strangled voice, not sounding fine at all.

 

Nevertheless, Sakura backed away, turning to Kakashi, who was waiting with his hands slung in his pockets.  Ino stared after them as they walked the opposite way of camp.

 

“Go talk to her,” Lee said quietly.  “I know you’re worried.”

 

“I’m fine here with you,” Ino said resolutely, jutting out her chin, but Lee just laughed softly, sounding more like he might cry.

 

“But is Sakura fine if you stay here?  I’ll be waiting.”

 

“I care more if you’re fine,” Ino said, and even as she said it, the truth to it surprised her.   She should feel callous.

 

“I know, Ino-chan.  But  I’m fine knowing that.”

 

Lee’s gentle smile turned Ino’s insides upside down.   No,  she thought, she shouldn’t feel callous after all.  He knocked her with his shoulder towards the direction Sakura had gone off to, and she took his advice and put one foot after the other.

 

Move forward, she reminded herself.  Until today, Ino thought that was the only choice in life, but Tenten had proved her wrong.

 

When Ino came across Sakura, her steps slowed.  Sakura was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Kakashi, watching the sun set in hazy oranges and reds over the Hokage monument. They weren’t doing anything extraordinary, and yet, when Ino opened her mouth to interrupt them, no sound came out.  Something prickled along the back of her neck and she clamped her jaw shut.

 

“It’s like Sai’s painting.”  Sakura’s voice was tender and raw at the same time, and it was from this that Ino gathered her presence remained undetected.  Sakura didn’t show her pain like that, not since they were small girls -- to anyone, Ino had thought until now.

 

She should make herself known, Ino knew, but instead, she melded into the shadows of the treeline and suppressed her chakra.

 

Kakashi didn’t respond, but after a moment, he turned and cupped Sakura’s cheeks in his hands, noses almost touching.  “Shh.”

 

Ino’s hands balled into fists at his hushing, for Sakura hadn’t made a sound.  From how he turned her, Ino could see Sakura’s face now, could see how her brows came up and together and put a wrinkle in her forehead, how her green eyes were open wide.

 

Kakashi leaned his forehead against hers.  “It’ll be fine.”

 

Sakura’s breath began to quicken, her chest rising and falling a little too rapidly, and Ino’s confusion deepened.

 

“You’ll stay strong.”  His hands slid from her cheeks to her shoulders and down her back a little so he was almost hugging her.

 

“Kakashi…”  Sakura’s voice was heavy, strangled with the weight of unshed tears. One hand reached up to clutch his sleeve.

 

To Ino, it felt like the lengthening shadows from the trees were slipping tendrils into her gut and twisting, forcing her to face everything she tried to cover with a smile.  Sakura was not all right.  Maybe none of them were all right.  In fact, Tenten wasn’t even the camp’s first suicide, and still Ino had thought  her people were above it all.  Like the shadows, the doubts were insidious and grew from within, and it seemed not even Ino’s family could escape.

 

“You worry too much,” Kakashi said, smiling in spite of it all, and somehow produced a yellow flower out of nowhere.

 

Celandine, Ino noted with interest.  Joys to come.  She hadn’t pegged Kakashi for the type to care about reading flowers, and yet it occurred to Ino now that maybe she had never really known him to begin with.

 

For the first time in a long time, Ino saw Sakura smile genuinely.  Kakashi tucked the flower behind her ear and Sakura rubbed her belly.  Joys to come indeed.

 

“We’ll stay,” Kakashi said with finality.

 

The words had the weight of an order to Ino’s ears, and until that moment, Ino didn’t realize that Sakura and Sasuke’s talk of cages came from more than grief.  It must have been on their minds for awhile.  Ino’s abdominals clenched in fear, but for once she was grateful that Sakura would listen to her husband.

 

“No,” Sakura said sharply, defying Ino’s desperate expectations.  “You want to go.”

 

“But I’d stay.  For you.”

 

Kakashi was facing away as he looked up at the monument, shoulders relaxed, but his voice had something in it that Ino struggled to understand.  He was uncertain, now, taking his cues from Sakura.  Ino had witnessed this man propose marriage -- and then actually get married -- with little to no vulnerability she could detect.  But right now, a word from Sakura could topple him.  More than ever, Ino felt like an intruder, but she worried if she moved now, they’d notice her.

 

“Staying is easy.  That doesn’t make it right.”

 

Though Sakura’s words were kind -- almost motherly, even -- and altogether lacked the bite of an order, Kakashi stiffened.  Sakura scooted closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close with none of the carefulness he’d shown before.  While they shifted, Ino caught a glimpse of Kakashi’s wild eyes, whites showing around the edges, and her breath caught in her throat.  At the graveside, Kakashi barely reacted, but he must want out badly if he was like this.  The idea that Sakura wanted to stay and was only leaving for him niggled at Ino; Sakura was never the type to do anything in halves.  And yet Sakura had been the first one to suggest it.

 

“It’s okay to be scared,” Sakura whispered, and he kissed her with his mask still up, not lustful but gentle and long.  When they broke, Sakura threaded her fingers through the rough hair at the base of his neck.  “You’ll stay strong too, you know.”

 

“I’m not my father,” he said, huffing into the crown of her head.

 

Kakashi’s voice was almost too soft to hear as he breathed the words more than spoke them, and it pricked Ino right in the chest.  She’d forgotten his father committed suicide too in the aftermath of shame just like Kakashi faced too these days, forgotten this must be an awful deja vu for him, and wondered what he’d thought during Sakura’s long darkness after the death of Tsunade.  Kakashi brushed aside everyone's attempts to see Sakura with vague deflections like she was "busy" or "fine," but no matter how quiet he tried to be when he brought Kurenai left over food, they all knew Sakura must not be eating.  Ino had resented him for seeming to hide Sakura away, but had he been as worried as Ino had?  Had he been  more worried?

 

Sakura laid her cheek on Kakashi's chest and they spoke no more.  Ino slipped away as quietly as possible.  Her heart was more bruised than ever, but one small piece of the weight pressing on it was lifted.  It was easier to breathe.  Sakura wasn’t as cheerful as she pretended, but who was, these days?  And as for her marriage, maybe it was less make believe than Sakura liked to pretend.  Maybe, in the end, Tsunade had handed Sakura her own version of celandine, a way to be happy in spite of everything.  All in all, Sakura was putting one foot in front of the other.  That’s all Ino could wish for.

 

\---

 

Ino found her way back to the graveside where Lee was still staring at the mounds of fresh dirt as if something could happen to undo time.

 

She slipped her hand into his.  “Let’s go home, Lee-kun.”

 

But before they made it very far, Sakura and Kakashi emerged from the shadows.  Before they fully came into view, Ino noted how they carefully moved a few inches farther apart than they had been.

 

“Lee,” Sakura said, mouth downturned in concern.  “Don’t feel like you’re alone.  Okay?”

 

Lee gripped Ino’s hand tightly, the calloused roughness rubbing against her palm.  Still, when he spoke, his voice was even.

 

“I’m not alone.”

 

Kakashi gave Ino a calculating stare for a minute and then put his hands back in his pockets, slouching as usual.  If he suspected Ino might have eavesdropped, he didn’t let on, only clearing his throat slightly.  Without looking back at him, Sakura nodded and he walked away.

 

“Pig, are you all right?”

 

Ino tried to laugh.  “I’ve had better days, Forehead.”

 

Without warning, Lee pulled Ino to him and planted a deep kiss on her mouth, one that wasted no time burning right down to the pit of her belly.  When he pulled away, he wasn’t blushing, just looking right into her like only he could.

 

“I’ll see you at home,” he said and followed after Kakashi.

 

Ino stared after him, jaw hanging and weak in the knees.  Sakura giggled and looped her arm through Ino’s.

 

“Don’t ask why, Pig.  Boys are just weird like that.”

 

Ino hummed noncommittally.

 

“Don’t spend all your time looking after everyone else, Ino,” Sakura said, suddenly quite serious.  “Remember that you need to be taken care of too, sometimes.”

 

For a long time, they walked along in silence, feet in time with one another.

 

“What did you dream of in the Infinite Tsukuyomi?”  The question fell from Ino’s lips heavily, dropping into the atmosphere between them like stone.

 

Sakura’s feet faltered.  “What?”

 

“I know it’s rude to ask, but do we really have to worry about rudeness between us?”  Ino’s voice grew strident, breaking.  “I know it’s not like it used to be, but can’t I at least know that about you?  I want to know what happiness is to you.”

 

Pursing her lips, Sakura hesitated.  “I don’t really know what happiness is to me.”

 

“Yes, you do!” Ino insisted, blinking away tears.  “You dreamed it.”

 

“How do we really know that’s what it was?”  Sakura’s arm tightened around Ino’s elbow and she averted her face.  “I’ll tell you what I dreamed, but it’s just --”

 

“Just what?” Ino insisted, trying to keep the bite out of her voice.

 

“Just --” Sakura sighed.  “Just … I don’t know.  I just dreamed of sex.  That’s it.  Nice, normal sex.  But you’re a virgin so I’m guessing you didn’t dream about that.”

 

Ino stopped dead.  “Sex?  Seriously?  With Kakashi, right?”

 

“Yes, seriously,” Sakura said, fighting annoyance.  “And I was half a virgin myself, only having slept with Kakashi once the night before, so how can  that be happiness?  Was it just fresh on my mind?  It makes no sense.  It’s been bothering me for ages.”

 

“Well, maybe it’s not the same for everyone,” Ino said carefully, already seeing the signs of spooking Sakura into taciturn silence.  “You were caught so briefly and I was under for a long time, after all.  But for me, it was pretty straightforward.”

 

“Yeah?” Sakura said, some of the mutiny smoothing from her features.  “How so?”

 

“Everyone was alive,” Ino said, the memories bringing her dinner into her esophagus so she had to swallow hard.  “Even Asuma-sensei.  Even my father.  Even my mother.”

 

“Your mother?  Wow,” Sakura said with wonder.

 

Ino’s mother had died before Ino could truly remember her, and yet in the dream, she had been fully formed, beautiful, and caring.

 

“Sasuke never left the village.  He married you and you had lots of cute little babies.”

 

At this, Sakura’s nose wrinkled in distaste.  “Dream less gross things, Pig.”

 

Ino scoffed.  “Gross?  You were in love with him for years!  Maybe he wouldn’t exactly be the model father, but are you saying you wouldn’t take a roll in the hay with him?  It’s not like you’re picky.”

 

Out of habit, Sakura reached over and yanked a little lock of Ino’s hair at the dig.  “I did take a roll in the hay with him.  Once.  It was pretty terrible.”

 

Ino tried hard not to show her shock and instead raised one fine eyebrow.  “Uchiha Sasuke, bad in bed?”

 

Sakura shrugged, carefully not looking at Ino.  “Maybe not to everyone.  But it wasn’t what I wanted anymore.”

 

“ Who you wanted, you mean,” Ino said pointedly, but Sakura didn’t answer.  “Come on, Forehead, you can’t leave me hanging like that.   When did you finally achieve our childhood fantasy?”

 

Sakura flushed, predictably, and just as predictably, clammed up again.   “Mind your own business, Pig.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Ino wasn’t sure what made the skin around Sakura’s eyes so pinched when she all of a sudden blurted out that she’d slept with Sasuke and then refused to elaborate, but that in itself said a lot.  Ino had seen them kiss -- more than kiss, really -- more times than she’d seen Sakura  touch her actual husband.  Such thoughts had led Ino down a different path, before, but now they troubled her less.  Ino was a virgin by technicality, but she wasn’t an idiot and she was no stranger to lust.

 

“What about you?” Sakura said too quickly, face still burning.  “Who did you marry?”

 

“No one.”

 

It was Sakura’s turn to hide her surprise.  “ No  one?  Not Lee, then?”

 

Ino shook her head.  “I never thought of him that way until -- until after.  He was there, though.  With Gai, and Neji, and Tenten.  All together.”

 

With a sharp inhalation of breath, Sakura clamped her lips shut.  Ino understood.  It was hard to think of what could never be, so difficult to have it dangled in front of your face only to be snatched away.

 

“You might have married, if you dreamed longer,” Sakura said finally.

 

“No,” Ino said.  “I lived a lifetime.  I was an old lady, and so were you.  Your teeth fell out!”

 

Sakura’s nostrils flared, incensed.  “They did not!”

 

“Did too,” Ino said with a sad smile before continuing.  “I always thought I needed a man to be happy.  Turns out, I don’t.  It’s kind of funny that I never found one worth having until I realized that.  It’s almost like I opened my eyes and there he was.”

 

“That’s sweet,” Sakura said.  “I’m glad you guys found that together.  It makes me worry about you both less.  But if you were so happy by yourself, why did you jump into his arms first thing?”

 

“Because,” Ino said flatly, “dreams like that aren’t true happiness.  There’s one awful thing about them.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

Ino bit the inside of her cheek so hard it almost drew blood.  “Waking up.”

 

The curious look on Sakura’s face dropped back into concern and then smoothed into neutrality.  That was one thing Ino appreciated about Sakura.  She knew how not to pity someone.

 

“Is it selfish to be glad you woke up?” Sakura asked softly into the night as they approached Sakura’s tent.

 

“I don’t know,” Ino said, slowly untangling her arm from Sakura’s.  “Is it selfish of me to ask you to stay here?”

 

Sakura’s eyes filled with enough uncertainty to be apparent even in the darkening night.  “Ino…”

 

Before Sakura had a chance to answer, Sasuke stepped out of the darkness, making Ino jump.

 

“Sakura,” he said evenly, ignoring Ino entirely.  “We found a quiet place to talk.  Safe from Hyuuga eyes."

 

“Okay, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura said, and with a quick kiss to Ino’s cheek, Sakura and Sasuke disappeared into the shadows.

 

\--

 

Ino’s eyes fluttered open.  There was nothing but deep black and the musty smell of damp, unwashed body -- her own, she realized.  She tried to move and her legs were locked, her arms only beating impotently against their soft prison.

 

Ino opened her mouth and screamed.  When no one answered, she screamed again, and again, and again.

 

Somehow, Ino’s eyes fluttered open a second time, but still she was surrounded by only darkness, and still, she was screaming -- but her voice was stronger, her throat no longer raw and bloody, her legs kicking wildly instead of trapped in place.

 

“Ino-chan,” Lee said calmly, and lit the lamp with the last match in the box.  The oil in it was running dangerously low.

 

In the other room, the baby was crying, but Kurenai no longer rushed in the room to check on Ino, the tedium of routine setting in.

 

Chest heaving and silent tears streaming down her face, Ino scrambled over to Lee, who opened his arms for her.  There was no cocoon, she reminded herself.  Not anymore.

 

“We will have to find something to trade for more oil and matches soon,” Lee said.  “Maybe Hinata can smuggle some in again.”

 

“No,” Ino said, though the hitch in her voice belied her confidence.  “If we have anything to trade, we should trade it for food for the baby.”

 

Lee frowned, rubbing circles into her back.  “But Ino-chan --”

 

“I can’t rely on that anymore,” Ino said, steadier.  She turned to cup Lee’s face, touching her lips to his just barely.  “You’re my light, Lee-kun.”

 

He closed the distance between them, kissing her softly.  She slipped her tongue into his mouth and it didn’t take long before her fingers were worming their way under the band of his pants, the green jumpsuit long disintegrated.  As much as Ino used to hate that thing, she missed it now, except for the fact that if he were wearing it, her hands would have a considerably harder time finding their way to his stiff cock.

 

“I want to make love to you tonight,” Ino whispered, taking full advantage of her scarred throat and husky voice.

 

“Ino,” he groaned, panting against the curve of her jaw as her hands began to move in rhythm.  “You know we -- we cannot bring a child into the world we cannot feed --”

 

“So pull out,” Ino said, dragging her lips down his bare, scarred chest.  “We can’t keep living this way.  We can’t just stand in place.”

 

“ Ino ,” he pled, but despite that, his hands were already lifting her shirt over her head.  As his callouses brushed her nipples, she shivered.

 

“What if something happened?” Ino whispered, moving lower along his chest with her tongue.  “I don’t want to die never having shown you how much I love you.”

 

“Ino,” he groaned one last time, and his protests ended.

 

\---

 

The next morning, Ino was the first to rise.  She frowned at the break in the routine, but even that didn't last as she stretched, reveling in the tenderness between her legs.

 

"Lee-kun," she said, straddling him and pressing against his morning wood.  "It's past sunrise."

 

He only groaned and she ran her hands up his chest, first simply enjoying his hard muscles -- but quickly, her gropes changed to fluttering fingers of concern that moved up to his flushed cheeks and forehead.

 

He had a fever.

 

Two days later, the first spot appeared on Lee's skin.


	17. Cardinal

Juugo held out his index finger, straight as a rod.  It had been broken many times and bore barely-scabbed scratches as it always did, but the same powers that brought him and Sasuke together saw to it that after each transformation that left Juugo mangled, he healed looking even younger than before.  A bird, a cardinal in feminine muted browns, landed on Juugo's finger.

 

The bird stared at him.  Like so many in this area, constant exposure to chakra had made it more intelligent.  Certain animals were predisposed to such things, and birds had not been ninja messengers for decades for no reason, just like dogs being ninja companions.  Animals that visited Juugo more frequently saw more effects, and for the first time, he had stayed in one place long enough to see the change unfold.

 

This bird had been the simple creature it was born as when Juugo arrived.  Now, its thoughts fluttered against the edges of his mind like beating wings, not quite words but something with meaning nevertheless.  It wanted to know why he was afraid.

 

"Because," Juugo whispered, "it's safer on the ground, slithering in the grass like a snake.  Flying like you do ... For those of us who aren't birds, it comes with the risk of falling."

 

The bird cocked its head to the side, and an image presented itself to Juugo's mind.  Whether it came from him or the bird or some mix of both he would never know, but he saw the camp as a pit of snakes and himself as a small cowering mouse hiding within it.  All of a sudden, the mouse sprouted wings.

 

Before the vision went any further, the bird took off, tightening its grip as it launched itself into the air without hesitation, leaving behind only fresh cuts on Juugo's finger.

 

Pushing himself to his feet, Juugo headed back to the small patch of camp with the only people left to him.  They had never settled into their role here, in Konoha.  Were they, too, snakes in the grass, or had they shed that identity and truly sprouted wings to become hawks?  If they left now, would they be flying towards something, like hawks, or slithering away like snakes?

 

As if the fates were taunting him, Juugo nearly put a foot on a real snake -- only quick reflexes saved him, sandal hovering over a black, lithe body.  It was uncoiled, unmoving, and quite dead.  Juugo brushed aside the plants and detritus covering its corpse and was surprised to find a second victim -- another cardinal, but this time the brilliant red of fresh blood, half swallowed by a snake with a ruined face.  Though the bird was dead too, it had still denied the snake its meal.  It had died fighting.

 

So distracted was Juugo that he didn't hear Suigetsu approach until his voice boomed out, making Juugo tense.

 

"That's pretty gnarly," Suigetsu said appreciatively, "but Sasuke is going to flip his lid if we're late for this meeting.  Shows weakness or some crap like that."

 

As he fell into step beside Suigetsu, the corners of Juugo's lips twitched upwards before flattening again.  How like Sasuke to be so concerned with appearances at a time when it mattered so little. Juugo thought this business with Sakura would have taught Sasuke that appearances were not reality, but he supposed few people were as intimately acquainted with that fact as Juugo himself.

 

Juugo knew many things.  He knew that lustful shows would never convince the world that Sasuke and Sakura were in love because they weren't.  Like so many things, lust had the appearance of love, but it wasn't.  Sasuke appeared confident, but he wasn't.  Suigetsu appeared unhinged, but he wasn't.

 

Juugo did not appear dangerous, but he was.

 

"There you are," Sasuke said, scowling as they came into view.  "If you stay behind, you could be taken hostage to use against me."

 

"We will not burden you, Sasuke," Juugo said coolly.

 

"No," Sasuke said, face smoothing, "but I need you with me.  As a show of strength.  It may not go as well as we hope."

 

"Please," Suigetsu snorted.  "We're here, so keep your panties on, but you need our strength like you need another pregnant non-girlfriend."

 

Sasuke turned away, but not before Juugo caught how his lips were pressed so tightly together the edges were white.  "I don't want to slaughter them if things go sour.  Konoha needs them.  But merely escaping is more difficult than it sounds.  I  will need you."

 

Suigetsu's chest puffed out minutely and Juugo hid a smile behind his palm.  "Like Suigetsu said, we're here regardless of your need.  Because we want to be."

 

Sasuke paused, shoulders relaxing.  Raising his voice so it would carry to the others, Sasuke said, "I am glad.  But there's still time to back out."

 

Sakura's back stiffened and she whirled to face them.  "For you as well, Sasuke-kun.  Kakashi and I are going.  For anyone that wants to stay, there is still a place for you here."

 

"There is no place for them here," Sai said sharply, frowning deeply, for once breaking the facade.  "There is no place for  me here."

 

Yamato winced.  "You help me --"

 

"Because it is easier to keep an eye on me there than in general labor.  I am the only one left from Root, and fortunate to be protected by powerful friends."  Sai smiled again, the mask back in place.  "An errand boy.  I will never be trusted with more."

 

Powerful friends that were all leaving, it went unsaid.  Sakura patted Sai's back.  "As long as you're sure.  I don't want to take away the only home you've ever known, that's all."

 

"You're the only home I've ever known," Sai said, so frankly that Juugo trusted it implicitly.  Whatever life Sai knew before Juugo met him had not been a good one, it was clear.

 

"Damn it."  Yamato swore.  "I should be out there with you."

 

There was only a second of hesitation as Kakashi smiled lazily.  "What's stopping you, little kohai?"

 

"I won't burden you with a cripple," Yamato said with a sigh, the argument tired.  "My duty is here."

 

"You're not a cripple," Sakura snapped, the reply automatic by now, and then unsuccessfully tried to blink the worry out of her eyes.  "Your duty...  This makes us traitors, doesn't it?"

 

Sai shifted uneasily.  "I often wonder what Naruto would think...  To see us abandon our village in its time of need."

 

Juugo found himself speaking, to his own surprise.  "This is a snake pit, not a village."

 

"He's right," Kakashi said, though he wasn't meeting anyone's gazes.  "The world has no need of soldiers anymore.  Why are we still behaving like them?"

 

"Do you know how to be anything else?" Sakura asked softly, but still, Kakashi did not look at her.  No one did, except for Juugo -- the only one who had never truly been a soldier.

 

"I don't care," Sakura said more loudly, apparently mustering her confidence.  "If Naruto were here, I bet he'd come up with something better, but he's  not here, is he?"

 

Her words were strong, but Juugo could still see the shame written on their faces, each and every one, even Suigetsu a little bit. Even Sakura's confidence crumbled as she looked down at her feet.

 

The silence was interrupted by an unkempt, tear streaked Ino.

 

"Ino," Sakura breathed, face a mixture of hope and fear.  "You've come to convince me to stay, haven't you?"

 

"No," Ino croaked, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks.  "I've come to tell you you have to go.  Now."

 

Sakura was dumbstruck.  "What?"

 

"Lee's got the plague."  The words seemed to shock even Ino, whose cornflower blue eyes widened as her hand fluttered around her chapped lips.  "There were five other cases already when I brought him in."

 

Inhaling sharply, Sakura took a step forward, but Ino scrambled away.

 

"You idiot," Ino hissed, furious.  "Stay away from me. Aren't you listening?  It's not safe here."

 

Maybe, Juugo thought dazedly, snakes could take on many forms.

 

...

 

"No."

 

Hiashi stayed seated, guards at his sides, while Juugo and what had become some sort of haphazard family stood on the opposite side of the room.  Shikamaru, the only advisor of his level who happened to be around when Sasuke demanded this meeting, stood on the wall and looked as if he was trying to disappear.

 

"No?" Kakashi said calmly, in feigned but mild surprise, ostensibly inspecting a hole in the worn leather of his gloves.

 

"No, I will not permit a long term mission with no objective," snapped Hiashi, scowling, clutching the armrests of his chair.  "It is a preposterous thing to ask."

 

"Hmm."  Kakashi looked up from his glove, smiling under his mask.  "And here I thought it was a tradition.  Or in this case, a formality."

 

"A tradition?"  Hiashi's pale face had the disadvantage of showing brightly when it colored, as it was doing now.  "It is tradition for those who have earned the right to retire, to avoid the trouble of missing nin --"

 

"We're all war veterans, are we not?"  Kakashi still gave the appearance of unconcern.

 

"For which side?" Hiashi spat, glaring at Sasuke, Juugo, and Suigetsu.

 

Kakashi's smile grew strained.  "There are no hunter nin anymore.  This is a formality.  A sign of respect."

 

"Respect?" Hiashi blustered.  "And to think Tsunade wanted you as Hokage, you who cares so little about Konoha -- you who said you would do what needed to be done --"

 

Kakashi was rigid, arms at his sides, but he said nothing.  Sakura shot concerned looks from him to Hiashi to an impassive Sai, who shook his head minutely.  Sakura stayed in her position behind Kakashi, brows knit as her eyes bored holes into the back of his head.

 

"We did not come to ask for your permission," Sasuke said, steady gaze trained on Hiashi.  "You couldn't stop us if you tried.  The question is -- will you?"

 

Juugo exchanged glances with Suigetsu.  No one else would speak this meeting except for Kakashi and Sasuke; it had not been discussed, but even Juugo knew the line of command enough to know that.

 

Once again, Juugo was reminded about appearances, how little things were as they seemed.  Kakashi slouched around, trying his best to be unassuming.  He was unlike any man of power that Juugo had ever known, with no need to assert himself.  And yet he'd had years to grow into it.

 

Sasuke had not, yet.  For a long time, he had been powerful in battle but used as a puppet.  It was his ability to break free that had made Juugo respect him, but now, Sasuke's insecurity showed.  Just like when he said he would be Hokage during the war, Sasuke lacked finesse.

 

Kakashi sighed.  It seemed he hadn't planned on open threats either.

 

Predictably, Hiashi did not take it well.  He bristled, drawing himself to full height in his chair.  "Is that so?"  His voice was smooth and cool, but it did not fool anyone -- Hiashi had lost his temper.  "And what if I choose to test that theory of yours?"

 

At this, Shikamaru finally peeled himself off the wall, quickly finding himself at Hiashi's side.  He whispered, but the effort was futile in the silent room.

 

"I must advise against this course of action," Shikamaru hissed stiffly, formally.

 

"Do you," Hiashi said flatly, not bothering to mask his voice.  "I wonder why that is?  Conflicted loyalties, perhaps?"

 

Shikamaru flinched, but his eyes flashed and the hesitation left him as he spoke again, clearly this time.  "I understand your concern.  The loss of them will be a blow to morale, utility, and manpower, in actuality and appearance.  But even worse than that would be to watch Konoha try to stand against their own comrades ... and fail."

 

Hiashi's heavy jaw clenched.  "If you have so little faith in your village, perhaps you should join your  friends in their bid to desert."

 

"I have faith," Shikamaru snapped, nonchalant facade truly shed now.  "But I am not an idiot."

 

"And I am," Hiashi said, sounding perfectly reasonable, almost amused, but the thunderous look in his face said anything but.

 

Shikamaru didn't bother answering.  "Who do you propose stands against them?  Are you foolish enough to think the Hokage title grants you such ability?"

 

Flaring nostrils, Hiashi tried to contain his anger.  "I am not alone.  That is what Konohagakure  means .  How can a disheveled group with pregnant women and handicapped fighters pose such a threat that we can do  nothing ?  With no Sharingan, no ink -- perhaps the Kazekage --"

 

"If you cannot trust  my loyalty, are you truly ready to trust his?"  Shikamaru had subsided now, closer to his normal state.  "But it matters little.  There is no remaining force in the world that can face the combined power of Uchiha Sasuke and Hatake Kakashi -- even if, as you say, they are handicapped.  That is the truth."

 

A strange silence descended and for a moment, both sides of the room were united in slightly wistful expressions.  Juugo and Suigetsu exchanged glances; it was easy by now to recognize when their comrades were thinking of Uzumaki Naruto.  No one was a stranger to pain anymore, but something was just a little bit different when it came to him, for some reason that was beyond Juugo.

 

"So be it," Hiashi said sourly, cutting through the small moment of shared grief.  "Take your personal belongings and the tents you were already issued and no more.  You will be granted no provisions."

 

Kakashi grinned.  "I knew you'd come around."

 

...

 

Little time was wasted.  As they began to pack for a long journey, neighbors stopped to stare tensely.  They could be going on a mission, even after so long without one, but no one asked if they were.  By the time they started pulling the tent stakes out of the ground, the eyes had ceased to be curious and become scared.  Some were also accusatory.

 

"Hatake-sama," one brave soul asked, eyes watery.  Like almost the entire camp, Juugo did not know the middle-aged man's name.  "My mother-in-law is sick.  She's all I have left, but the spots on her face...  Shizune-san can't stop her vomiting.  What will I do when she passes?"

 

Kakashi paused, his bare arms flexed, a thin sheen of sweat coating his furrowed brow in the unusually warm September air.  He was breaking down his part of the camp by himself while Sakura sulked at the forced exclusion, folding and refolding their scant clothing.  But at the Konoha nin's question, her hands stilled too.  Juugo postponed his task as well and Suigetsu used the opportunity to flop into the dirt.

 

"She will go on the stone," Kakashi said finally, voice hoarse.  "She served Konoha her entire life.  When the time comes, Yamato-san will see to it."

 

The ninja looked around for Yamato, who was not there, as he was off attending his many duties.  It seemed from now on, he would have one more.

 

"So he's ... staying?"

 

"He will be here."  Kakashi's words were clipped, stilted, but he continued sorting out the worn canvas of his tent.

 

"I see."  The man looked relieved despite his disappointment, and though Kakashi had implied the answer to the question he was really asking, the man did not join in the twittering whispers spreading behind him.

 

After another awkward pause, Kakashi said, "She was a fine ninja.  Your mother-in-law."

 

The man smiled wearily as he turned to leave.  "So were you."

 

Kakashi fumbled with the tent material, his usually precise movements suddenly clumsy, and then Sakura was at his side.  She pried the canvas from his fingers, smiling gently.

 

"Don't you try to tell me this is too much for me too, Hatake Kakashi," she said, her tone teasing with a hint of masked concern.

 

This time, Kakashi didn't argue, but Sakura's too-bright meaningless chatter was not enough to put a smile on his face.  Her eyes lingered on the way he was rubbing his leaf tattoo, but she asked about how he wanted to pack their few beat up pots instead.

 

Sasuke, too, was staring at Kakashi, a look on his face Juugo had never seen before, one of apprehension, concern, and even a hint of the guilt that still visibly weighed on the rest of them.

 

"I knew he'd abandon us," Juugo heard one of the ninja still floating on the outskirts say.  "Not a loyal bone in that Uchiha's body.  He's leaving us to the wolves."

 

"The Kizanu, you mean," her friend said, chewing her lip.  "Do you think he used his eyes to put Hatake-sama up to it?"

 

"Who knows?"  The girl flipped her hair over her shoulder, turning on her heel.  "They should have known, though.  Betrayal's in his blood."

 

Sasuke's grip on the rope he was holding tightened, his aura expanding to fill the air with a crackling energy.  As much as it alarmed Juugo, the sharp edge was a welcome replacement for the dull, flat fear that had permeated before.

 

Suddenly, Suigetsu leaped to his feet, turning to the dwindling crowd with a sneer.

 

"Yeah, that's right!  We're leaving!  Get the fuck over it!"

 

No one said anything; the whispers stopped for a moment.

 

"You never wanted us here anyway.  You don't deserve Sasuke's protection, you dumb fucks."

 

"They know we won't survive the winter," one woman said tearily, toying with her Konoha headband.  "They're saving themselves."

 

"Suigetsu," Sakura hissed.  "Don't make it worse."

 

"Don't blame me, Cutiepie," Suigetsu grumbled, returning to packing.  "They call us a waste of rations until we want to leave.  And  we're the assholes?"

 

Sakura cheated her eyes towards a still-rigid Sasuke.  "I don't blame you," she muttered, and then slipped right back into her role, snatching a pair of threadbare socks from Kakashi.  "Those don't match.  Are you sure you're not colorblind?"

 

"You're the one who liked to wear red, pink, and  teal together --"

 

She scowled playfully.  "I was twelve, and I don't wear pink, it's my  hair \--"

 

A few onlookers had the decency to look chagrined.  Either way, the crowd cleared out, only to eventually be replaced by one of a different kind.

 

Juugo didn't know what to consider them -- Sakura's friends, Sasuke's friends he never spoke to, comrades?  But whatever they were, they stuck together.  They trickled in one by one, chipping in the packing effort with no discussion.  A few brought small tokens, anything they could spare.

 

Shino brought a sleeping bag he gave to Sai, who had always shared Yamato's when he needed one.  Sai frowned, but Shino cut him off.

 

"It was Tenten's.  She left it with me.  Maybe she didn't want to dirty it --"  Shino cleared his throat.  "Anyway, she would want you to have it."

 

Kurenai pressed a small bundle into Sakura's arms.  "Asuma has outgrown the clothes.  And there's a few bottles and supplies like that."

 

"Are you sure you can spare --"

 

"I'm sure," Kurenai said, and then sat down with Hinata to reorganize the pack of clothing so that the new baby things would fit.

 

Sakura looked a little overwhelmed.  "I thought you'd be mad at me.  Like we were mad at Sasuke."

 

Chouji laughed awkwardly, shooting an undisguised look at her belly and then at baby Asuma nestled in his arms, fast asleep.  "Things are different, you know?"

 

"Don't be stupid, Forehead," Ino snapped, and Sakura whirled to face her where she had just arrived with Shizune, keeping her distance from the others.

 

"Ino," Sakura breathed.  "How is he?  Can I at least see him?"

 

"No," Ino said, with the bark of an order, "you may not.  He would never forgive me if I allowed it."

 

Sakura's lower lip trembled.  "But maybe I can help him!  I was thinking of trying to convince you all to come too..."

 

"You know better," Shikamaru said simply.  "Your group is too large already."

 

"But how can I leave you now?"  Sakura's voice was approaching a wail.  "Poor Lee --"

 

"What do you take me for?" Shizune said sharply.  "Do you think I won't care for him?"

 

"Of course you will," sniffled Sakura.  "Of course.  I'm sorry I won't be here to help you figure this out.  Have you determined the incubation --?"

 

"I've got it covered, Sakura," Shizune insisted, and then her brows knit in concern.  "If it's what I think it is, it could be a few weeks before you begin to show symptoms.  Promise me you'll come back if you do."

 

Sakura nodded, drying her tears forcefully even though they kept coming.  "I promise."

 

"You're even uglier when you cry," Sai said, deadpan.

 

" Thank you, Sai," Sakura said, slamming around a pack that clearly contained the pots and pans.  "That is so  very helpful right now."

 

But even though Sakura was now muttering venomously to herself, she had stopped crying.  Juugo smiled at Sai, who smiled back.  Of all of the people Juugo had had to make room for in his new life, Sai had been the easiest fit.  They had never had a proper one-on-one conversation, but they didn't need to.

 

Before long, there was no more packing to be done.  After all, even collectively, their belongings didn't amount to much.  Just when Sakura was finally running out of excuses to reorganize, Gaara and his siblings showed up.

 

"Forgive our tardiness," Gaara said, somber.  "A woodsman from my village is very ill."

 

"I'm sorry to hear that," Sakura said politely.  "I appreciate you taking the time to see us off.  I know you're busy."

 

"It's the least we could do," Kankuro said, trying to smile.  "You saved my life once, remember?"

 

"We wish you well.  All of you," Temari said, her usual prickly edges absent for once, blue eyes soft and sincere as she looked at them one by one.

 

They put their packs on, Sakura grumbling that hers was the lightest.

 

"If we trade, when your chakra will give out, it will be too much and then one of us will have to take two packs," Sasuke said sharply.  "And you're too fat to carry on my back these days."

 

Sakura's furious blush was the first thing to put a genuine smile on Sasuke's face all day.

 

"I'll show you fat."  She glared at him as she settled the smallest pack on her shoulders.  "When I get my proper strength back, I'll give you a big,  fat black eye, just you wait --"

 

Sasuke's grin grew more wicked.  "Could you waddle fast enough to catch me?"

 

Suigetsu howled in laughter, slapping his thigh.  "Oh, man, Sasuke.  I always knew you were stupid, but this is a new low!"

 

Kakashi ignored their antics, looking up at the sun.  Already, it approached the tree line.  He cleared his throat and the good natured jibes stopped in their tracks.

 

"Konohamaru, come here," Sakura called.

 

The boy slunk out from where he had been hiding between two adjacent tents.  Sakura put a hand in his messy hair and ruffled.

 

"You sure you don't want to come with us, kiddo?  There's always room for you with me."

 

Konohamaru scowled but there was no real bitterness to it.  "Konoha's in my name.  I have to stay."

 

"You always were brave like that," Sakura said, unsurprised, and let her hand fall back to her side.  "Don't lose that, all right?"

 

Konohamaru said nothing, but when his lip started to tremble, he turned and fled.  Sakura sighed as she stared after his retreating back.

 

"You ready?" Sakura said to Kakashi, and he lifted a hand into the air, giving a finger signal.

 

Even Juugo recognized it as the Konoha symbol for "move out," though there were many he could not interpret.

 

"Would you cut that out already?" Suigetsu whined, glaring at the offending hand signal.

 

Kakashi chuckled and made another signal.  Juugo didn't know what it meant, but it made Sasuke smirk.

 

"Rude!" Sakura said with a giggle and a swat to Kakashi's arm.  But as she turned to everyone else, her smile slowly faded.

 

"Everyone...  I'm so sorry it's come to this.  I --"

 

Ino cut her off with an almost tackled hug that made Sakura sway on her feet.

 

"We know already, Forehead," Ino whispered soggily.  "I told myself I'd stay away even though Shizune said it was safe to touch you.  But I love you.  Really, I do.  Even though you're totally annoying."

 

Sakura clasped her friend tightly, squeezing her eyes shut.  "I love you too, Pig.  Please stay safe."

 

Shizune moved in close, silent tears tracking down her cheeks.  "Sakura, listen to me.  It's important.  With this baby...  You're not just a medic.  You're also a mother.  I wanted to be there for you, but now...  Now you're just going to have to trust your instincts.  But to do that, you'll have to remember that your emotions will make you irrational.  I have faith that you can find the balance.  Don't doubt yourself."

 

After a quick hug of her own, Shizune dragged Ino away.  "Go now, before twilight is upon us."

 

Without any more pointless words, Juugo and his friends were truly on their way, winding through the camp past the gawking stares.  In the last stretch, Yamato was waiting for them silently.

 

Kakashi stopped and reached out to his friend.  They clutched each other's forearms in a desperate sort of handshake that stayed locked in place for a moment too long.

 

"Konoha can go on without you," Yamato finally said.  "Can they?"  He darted a glance at Sakura.  "Can she?"

 

Kakashi finally let Yamato's arm go, familiar smile slipping back into place.  "As long as you're here to give the civilians someone to complain to, I'm not worried."

 

"Yamato-taichou," Sakura said, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

 

Yamato smiled.  "I hope, for your sake, that Tsunade-sama was wrong and the baby doesn't take after this idiot.  Will you tell it the nice things about me, and leave out the bits where I couldn't mind my own business?"

 

"Of course," Sakura said, smiling weakly in return.  "I'm sure you'll be its favorite uncle one day."

 

"Is that so?" Sai said flatly, his smile turning a little dangerous.

 

Sakura giggled.  "Jealousy makes you look a little constipated, Sai."

 

Sasuke cleared his throat.  "It's time to go," he said tetchily.

 

Sakura rolled her eyes and stomped forward.  "Fine, you'll  all be its favorite uncle.  Happy now?   Men ."

 

Feeling a smile stretch his face, Juugo followed his friends out of sight of the camp.  When even the wind no longer carried the stench, it felt like a weight had lifted from Juugo's chest.

 

No longer was he among a pit of snakes.  Finally, he had sprouted wings.

 

…

 

Juugo loved the open fields.  The area surrounding Konoha was all trees, all dense woodland, but according to the smalltalk around him, this part was clear because it used to serve as vast training areas.  Since the fields hadn’t been maintained, there were a few saplings now.

 

It seemed every Konoha nin, at least the ones Juugo knew enough to tell, preferred the forest.  Even Sasuke relaxed when they were ensconced in deep woodland.  Juugo asked him why, once, and he said the cover of leaves and shadow made for safer movement.  Juugo’s clan, though, from the wide paddies of Rice Country, had taught him that open spaces were safest because you could always see the enemy coming.

 

His friends’ feet began slowing soon, becoming more hesitant, and from the quiet looks they exchanged, Juugo could tell they were treading deep into the territory of memory now.  Suigetsu rolled his eyes, impatient, but Juugo understood.

 

Just now, in the field without the trees closing in around him, Juugo could close his eyes and imagine he was in Rice Country.  His clan was a nice sort of clan, though it feared as much as honored the bloodline that made them powerful -- and with good reason, for an extra-large generation of bloodline carriers had all but torn the clan apart.  A few too many bad, violent turns, one family after another slaughtered by its own berserked loved ones, and any clan, no matter how strong, would shatter.

 

When Orochimaru came, peddling hope with a false smile, Juugo’s clan had been on their last legs.  But Orochimaru offered no solution, in the end, only exploited the bloodline for his own gain.  Only Sasuke had made Juugo believe he could ever be trusted around people again, could ever control himself.  Too late, many in his clan would have said, had they still been alive.  Juugo had been marked with blood for far too long to come back, they believed.  That’s what they called it the first time your turn went bad -- the first time someone died because of it.

 

Juugo was torn from his reverie by someone speaking for the first time in a long while just as they moved back into the treeline.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Sakura said softly to Sai.  “It will be hard to look at, don’t you think?”

 

“I should have searched that rubble for ink a long time ago,” Sai said, the jut of his jaw uncommonly stubborn.  “It’s so specialized.  I don’t know why I wasn’t more careful -- didn’t stock up more --”

 

Sakura shook her head.  “How could you anticipate something like this happening where you couldn’t buy more?  Even when Pain blew up the village the first time you managed to find some.”

 

Sai kept moving forward rigidly, facing ahead.  “Hiashi is right.  I am handicapped.”

 

Trying to smile but not quite succeeding, Sakura gave a half hearted chuckle.  “Who isn’t, these days?  Look at me.  I’m a whale.”

 

“But your situation is temporary.”  Sai’s voice was matter of fact, as usual.  “Mine is not.  Neither is Kakashi’s, or Yamato’s, or Sasuke’s.  They cannot grow new arms or eyes.  But  maybe I could find more ink.”

 

They trudged on until, abruptly, the trees stopped.  Before them was a great crater with steep sides as if someone had scooped it out, jumbled with splintered wood, melted metal, and all manner of debris.  The bijuu ball had not hit evenly; some areas were scorched while others were simply blown away.  Everything, though, was destroyed.

 

This junk heap, Juugo knew, was  almost  the Konoha they remembered.

 

Juugo never saw his clan home empty and abandoned, but if he had, he imagined his face would look much like his friends’ did now: pained, struck with disbelief, disillusioned -- and they had known what they would see before they came here.  Juugo didn’t need any explanation to understand where their minds retreated to at night, since his own returned to his home in Rice Country, full of laughter and love.  That was how he wanted to remember it.

 

…

 

The rest of the daylight was spent rooting through debris.  It was clear they weren’t the first ones here, so very little of use was found, but still, everyone was tired, dirty, and unwilling to move on for the night.

 

Juugo had spent his time removing hard-to-find nails and screws from mangled boards.  Nails were an easy bargaining chip this days, without the ability to create more.  Most had been removed already by previous scavengers, but Juugo managed to salvage a small handful.

 

Suigetsu had dug out some slightly rusted throwing daggers and was creating a bit of entertainment with a makeshift target dummy.  Juugo was glad Suigetsu found something he liked.  His fun loving friend stuck out in a group like this, with so many somber faces, and Juugo knew Suigetsu felt it deeply.  The less response he got, the more rambunctious he became -- but not with Juugo.  No, Suigetsu’s defense mechanisms had always bypassed Juugo despite his quiet nature.

 

Juugo wished he could do more to ease Suigetsu’s unrest.  Without Karin, Suigetsu was like a boat without a moor, but only Sasuke would ever understand that.  Thankfully, as time passed, Suigetsu’s edges dulled and the others began to bend until the pieces fit more easily.

 

Jingling the nails in his pocket, Juugo’s gaze switched to Sai, who had been sorely disappointed by this supply run.  The pale man stared listlessly into the fire.  He did not invite conversation, so Juugo moved on.

 

On the other side of the fire, Sakura and Sasuke were sitting together.  Sakura was running her thumbs over a piece of crumpled fabric in her hand, and it didn’t take Juugo long to identify it as a baby’s onesie, a cute pink and burgundy one with flowers and bunnies patterned on it.  But she was frowning as she stared intently at it, just as Sasuke was staring at her from a safe distance.  It took Juugo a minute to interpret, but finally he noticed that the fabric was actually supposed to be pink only.  The burgundy color was long-dried blood spreading from the collar area, where the baby’s head would have been.

 

“What’s this, old man?” Suigetsu’s voice rang out stridently, and Juugo winced.  Suigetsu never could handle quiet, morose moments.  “You’re not going to correct my aim or anything?”

 

Kakashi sighed, sitting up straight from when he was slouched over on the side, turning something over and over in his hand.  “It’s not your aim.  It’s your grip.  It’s a dagger, not a club.”

 

Suigetsu waited expectantly, holding the daggers loosely in his hands.  When Kakashi made no move to get up and show him the correct grip, Suigetsu scowled and flounced over.  He took Kakashi’s trinket out of his hands, holding it towards the fire.

 

“What’s so interesting, eh?”  Suigetsu squinted, trying to make it out.  It was a jagged white triangle with a red design on the wider edge.  “Looks like a piece of trash to me.  Into pottery, you fairy?”

 

Surreptitiously, Sakura hid the stained onesie before Kakashi could see it, exchanging a look with Sasuke.  She took the pottery shard from Suigetsu, holding it reverently.

 

“Is this --?”

 

She looked up at Kakashi, who nodded.

 

“Look, Sai,” Sakura said, passing it to him.  “Look what it is.”

 

For the first time since coming out of the crater, Sai smiled, but it was one of those sad smiles that everyone recognized these days.  “Dickless would have loved to find this.”

 

Then, with a moment of jerking hesitation, Sai passed the shard to Sasuke.

 

“Ichiraku never replaced their bowls after all those years, I guess,” Sasuke said flatly, though he ran his fingers over the porcelain carefully.  “Cheapskates.”

 

Sakura laughed, but her voice was a little clogged.  “It’s true.  Their ramen wasn’t even very good. But I’d give almost anything to have a bowl now.”

 

“I’d rather watch Naruto eat one,” Kakashi said, his usual nonchalant tone nowhere to be found.

 

To Juugo, the imposing commander seemed younger, somehow, as he relaxed and even smiled at Sakura, resting his chin on his palm.  Juugo had lived with the man for months and never seen him smile like that, never seen a relenting to the stiffness that hid itself behind slouched shoulders, even in private.

 

Sakura smiled at Kakashi in return.  “He was so sloppy.  It would be all over his face by the end.”

 

“He would have found a way to make ramen,” Sai said wistfully, “even now.”

 

Sasuke tightened his fingers around the shard, but said nothing.

 

Suigetsu’s lips grew thin as he pressed them together, never happy to be excluded, even from grief, and he went back to his target dummy.  Methodically, he threw the knives.

 

Thunk. Thunk.   “Shit.”   Thunk.

 

Suigetsu hit the old chunk of wood with his daggers, or missed, but the repetitiveness of it cleared the tension from the air.  Sai went to bed first, slipping into his new sleeping bag.

 

Then Sakura and Kakashi went to bed, with a bit of grumbling that she had to use her own because of how late into her pregnancy she was.  Eventually, a compromise was reached as a beleaguered Kakashi zipped the two bags together.

 

“Your shirt is too itchy,” Sakura complained, pouting after trying to turn around to face him only to be thwarted by her cumbersome belly.

 

Kakashi pulled his loose shirt over his head.

 

Sakura fidgeted.  “The other one’s itchy too.”

 

Heaving a sigh, Kakashi pulled his undershirt off, mask and all.  The rarity of this caught everyone’s interest, even Sasuke.  Sharing a tent, even, Juugo had never seen Kakashi’s true face.  Had Sasuke, Juugo wondered?

 

“Well, that was easy,” Sasuke said, smirking.  “I see what it takes.”

 

“Put that ugly mug away,” Suigetsu whined, probably still put out that Kakashi had not helped him with the knives.  “No one wants to see that.”

 

“Shut up, idiots,” Sakura said, though her smile bled through to her voice.

 

Kakashi looked vaguely uneasy, his emotions now more apparent, and Sakura rubbed his stubble and frowned.  “Oh, no, but won’t you be cold?  Never mind.  I’ll just be itchy.  You should keep your sweater at least.”

 

Without voicing a complaint -- smiling, in fact -- Kakashi pulled his overshirt back on and laid down beside her, her back to him.  He draped one arm over her at her request, propping himself up on the other.  Even though he didn’t seem very tired, he stayed still for her.

 

Juugo watched Kakashi look down at Sakura’s sleeping form.  Finally, Juugo understood why this man wore a mask.  If everyone could see Kakashi like this -- simply happy, despite the world around them -- he would lose some of the mystery that both gave him power and shielded him from scrutiny.

 

Juugo slipped into his own bag, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.  The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was Sasuke’s fist, still closed tightly around the pottery shard.

 

...

 

The next morning, they were hardly on their way when they stopped abruptly.  The warriors among them were rigid, Sakura’s hands folded protectively over her abdomen.  It was their acute awareness rather than his own that told Juugo they were no longer alone.  Kakashi made another hand signal behind his back and Suigetsu couldn’t repress a scowl.

 

“We’re out in the open,” Suigetsu snapped.  “That big ass crater is right there.  There’s no point in that shit right now.  They see us already.”

 

“Show yourselves,” Sasuke said loudly, calmly.  “We have no quarrel with anyone.”

 

From the treeline well in the distance, a small figure emerged and a dog with it.  The dog raced forward, barking, and the figure ran after it.

 

Sakura’s shoulders relaxed slightly.  “If we sensed it from that distance, has to be civilian.”

 

Kakashi nodded.  “At least a handful.  But why here?”

 

The dog, white fur wiry but mostly clean, got there first, and pranced around with its tongue lolling out, excited.  It was friendly, perhaps dangerously so in this era -- even rarer than a well-fed and cared for pet.  The human took longer to catch up, a teenage boy with a rope tied around his head in the style of fishermen, but as he approached, Sakura stiffened once more.

 

“Is that --?”

 

“Hatake-san!  Hatake-san!” the boy shouted, laughing.  “It’s really you! You’re all right!  And look, it’s Sakura --  woah. ”

 

“I’m not fat,” Sakura snapped, scowling.  “I’m pregnant.”

 

The boy chuckled nervously, eyeing her protruding belly.  “Yeah, um, when are you due, because uh…”

 

“Nice to see you too, Inari-kun,” Sakura said, suddenly affecting a saccharine smile.  “Why don’t you come give me a hug?”

 

The boy -- Inari -- inched away.  “I’ll keep my head on my shoulders, thanks.  So who’re all these --”

 

When Inari’s eyes hit Sasuke, they grew to the size of dinnerplates.  “You.  I heard you were a traitor.”

 

Sasuke’s jaw tightened.  

 

“Sasuke-kun’s not a traitor, Inari,” Sakura said softly.  “It’s complicated, but he saved us all during the war.”

 

With hesitation, Inari smiled at Sakura.  “Well, if Naruto says it’s all right.  Where is he?  I bet he’s excited about having a baby.”

 

Sakura winced.  “Inari, Naruto is dead.”

 

At first, Inari didn’t react, staring down at his filthy sandaled feet.  His dog nuzzled his limp hand, whining.

 

“How?” he finally rasped.  “How did it happen?  Who could kill him ?  It couldn’t be the awful silk things, could it?”

 

“No, it wasn’t that.  It’s complicated,” Sakura repeated.  “Sasuke was with him at the end.  That should comfort you.”

 

“It shouldn’t be surprising,” Inari said after another long bout of studying his toes.  “My grandfather is dead.  My mother is dead too.  So many have died.  When Naruto wasn’t with you -- but then I thought, he’s so important nowadays, even I know it.  Maybe he’s at the village.”

 

Sakura’s hold on her stomach tightened.  “Inari…”

 

The boy looked up, tears in his eyes.  “I can’t let them see me cry.  My villagers.  Naruto taught me that it was okay, but they rely on me.  I have to be strong.”

 

“How many?” Kakashi asked, ever practical.

 

“Twelve, including me.  And Puuko here,” Inari said, ruffling his dog’s ears with tears streaming down his face.  “That’s all that’s left.  All of Wave.”

 

“Kakashi, later,” Sakura scolded, glaring at him.  She gathered Inari in a hug.  “Tears aren’t weakness.  You know that, Inari-kun.”

 

Inari backed out of her embrace, drying his face.  “I know.  But there’s no time for that.  I have a favor to ask.”

 

“Go on, Inari-kun,” Sakura said coaxingly, still frowning in concern.  “Of course we’ll try to help, whatever it is.”

 

“Can you escort us to Konoha?  We’ve been looking for awhile, and I know it’s somewhere around here, but --”

 

“No,” Kakashi interrupted, and Inari’s face fell.

 

“You don’t want to go there,” Sakura said weakly, hands fidgeting with her obi.

 

The boy’s expression hardened.  “But I do.  The raiders drove us out of our own village, and with the fleet of fishing boats all adrift at sea and no one to man them anyway, there’s no food.  It’s just a hunk of rock.  We can’t sustain -- Konoha is our last hope!”

 

Inari’s dark eyes were bugged out as he spoke.  Though he was young to be a leader -- sixteen at most, Juugo guessed -- the cares of the world were already weighing him down.  No one was exempt anymore.

 

“I do not know you,” Sai said sharply, for once wearing the same sour expression as Suigetsu, “but even if we were to take you to Konoha’s camp, they are no longer accepting refugees.  You’d be left at the gates with the plaguebearers.  You would die.”

 

“Plaguebearers?”  Inari’s eyes slid closed.  “It’s that bad there, too?”

 

“It’s that bad everywhere, kid,” Suigetsu said with a snort.

 

“Then what will we do?” Inari asked plaintively.  “Makoto is seven. Hitomi is six.  Suzuka is  pregnant .”

 

The last he said with the most despair, as if it was a horrible fate, and Sasuke’s face hardened further.

 

“Come with us.  All of you,” Sakura said, and even Juugo started in surprise.

 

“Sakura --” Sai said reproachfully.  Kakashi cleared his throat.

 

Sakura ignored them, lifting her nose in the air loftily.

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke said, with less bite.  “We have nothing to offer them.”

 

“Yes, we do,” Sakura insisted.  “You know what Shikamaru said is true.  There’s no one left who can challenge us all together.  We can protect them.”

 

Sasuke sighed.  “We can’t feed them, Sakura.  We’ll have a hard time feeding ourselves.”

 

“We’ll figure it out together.  It’s Inari,” Sakura said, frowning at Sasuke.  “He was part of our first mission, and Naruto loved him.  You’d leave him to be kidnapped by the Kizanu, or worse?”

 

“We have our own to protect,” Sasuke said, looking pointedly at her belly.

 

“It’s not either or.”  Sakura cupped her belly again, which she tended to do to comfort herself, but it showed how large she had become, the baby laying low.  “We don’t have a plan, Sasuke.  Why can’t it be this?  I can’t live dictated by what ifs.  That’s not what I want to teach my child anyway.”

 

Sasuke wavered, his fists slowly unballing.  “It’s not just Inari.  It’s him and eleven others we don’t know or trust.”

 

“Women.  Children.  Konoha will let them rot.”  Sakura turned away from Sasuke, acid lacing her voice in a rare display of true anger, not just fleeting annoyance or for show. “You wanted to change the system, I thought, but I guess you were going to leave all that up to Naruto, too.”

 

Sasuke went still, face dropping into a blank mask.

 

“I understand,” said Inari wearily.  “I’ll bring it back to the villagers for a vote.  They’ll just tell me to decide, but I feel like they should have a say.”

 

“Inari, wait,” Sakura said as he was turning to go.  She looked to Kakashi expectantly.

 

His jaw was clenched, but he looked Sakura in the eyes.  In another dropping of his guard that never would have been possible inside the village, he laid a flat palm on Sakura’s belly, the brushings of his fingers tender.  “Promise me you know what comes first.”

 

She craned her neck up to meet his gaze.  “Always.”

 

Still looking at her, Kakashi said,  “Sai?  Juugo?  Suigetsu?  You have a say as well.”

 

Suigetsu looked from Sasuke to Juugo, eyebrows raised high, at a loss for words for once.  Sasuke was looking at them as well, and then back to Sakura.  He knew they would do whatever he wanted to do -- but Sasuke didn’t know what he wanted.

 

“My duty as a ninja is to protect those who cannot protect themselves,” Sai said with a shrug.

 

“What will you do?” Sasuke asked Inari.  “If they make you choose, what would you do next?”

 

Inari knelt down to pet his dog, not meeting their eyes.  “We’d have to try and keep roaming, living off of scavenged supplies and the land.  But that’s what everyone else is doing, too.  There’s not much left to scavenge.  So we’d be forced to raid, just like the ones who drove us out of Wave.  But we have so few fighters…  Only Daichi and Ichiro, really, but they’re just a musician and a fisherman.”

 

Sasuke glared at Sakura, sighing heavily.  “All right then.  We’ll protect you, if we can.”

 

Beaming, Inari led them to the treeline, Puuko prancing along next to him.  Hiding in the shadow of the trees were eleven people, just as Inari promised..  There were elderly, and injured, and children hiding in women’s skirts, staring at the ninja as if they promised death if anyone made a sudden movement.

 

Juugo frowned when he realized that in the new world, they were right.  Ninja no longer protected the weak.  They preyed on them.

 

One child, though, ignored the tension and chased after a cardinal, laughing.  His mother, a long-faced woman with shoulder-length brown hair and striking golden eyes, snatched the boy's hand.

 

“Makoto,” she scolded, one cautious eye still on the ninja.  “Stop trying to catch the birds.”

 

The young boy pouted, blowing his black bangs out of his long, pert-nosed face.  “But I want a pet like Inari-san!”

 

“Not birds,” his mother said, exasperated.  “Birds aren’t meant for cages.”

 

When she caught Juugo’s eye, he smiled.  Tentatively, she smiled back.

 

“I guess you met Makoto then,” Inari said, smiling nervously, and then nodded at a boy who looked similar to Makoto but was hiding behind his mother instead of inquisitively inspecting the ninja.  “And that’s his older brother Katashi and their mother Rika.”

 

Sakura smiled at the fearful boy, leaning down towards him.  “So your name is Katashi?”  When the boy didn’t answer, she went on.  “That’s almost like my husband’s name.  His name is Kakashi.  And I’m Sakura.”

 

With a little less fear, the boy followed her gaze to Kakashi and smiled weakly.

 

Inari broke the moment when his brain caught up, jaw dropping wide open.  “Wait,  what ?”

 

Sakura straightened, exchanging a sheepish glance with Kakashi.  “Inari-kun, you might have missed a few developments.”

 

Inari was still staring at them, too stunned to speak.  But after a long moment, he shook his head vigorously and then turned to his people, forcing a smile.  “So, everyone.  There’s been a slight change of plans.”

  
  


\---

 

Returning to Konoha was not an option, but according to the civilians, there was nothing waiting in Wave, either.  So they simply set off in another direction, away from both.  It was aimless, but it was better than sitting still.

 

As he had learned in Rock, Juugo was reminded that people who weren’t ninja moved painfully slow.  He may never have been a soldier in an army, but before coming to Konoha, Juugo never spent much time with anyone who had not been molding chakra since they were small children.  They were talentless and weak, his clan had taught him, but he had learned they were wrong.  Juugo did not know how to farm.  Juugo did not know how to build a house.

 

But travelling…  In this, civilians were disadvantaged.  It was wearing on Suigetsu, who kept running ahead only to double back.

 

A small scream from the tail end of the group halted everyone in their tracks.  Kakashi was at the flailing girl’s side in an instant, forcing her arms to her sides.  Her belly protruded out of her frail, bony frame.  She seemed even more pregnant than Sakura -- which was impossible, Juugo thought before -- almost ready to pop like a balloon.

 

“What’s wrong, girl?” Kakashi said

 

“Suzuka,” Inari supplied, lips a thin line.

 

Kakashi released the girl who was still sobbing, eyeing her warily.

 

“W-w-wet!”  She pointed a trembling finger straight up.  “What is it?”

 

Kakashi looked up, and when he saw what appeared to be a puddle impossibly draped over a tree branch, he sighed.  With a twitch of his wrist, he sent a lightning bolt at the puddle, which solidified into a yowling Suigetsu.

 

He landed on the ground flat footed, rubbing his elbow and glaring at Kakashi.  “Fucking geezer!”

 

Kakashi stared at Suigetsu, face set into hard lines.  “Find a new source of entertainment.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Suigetsu said, flapping a hand.  “Spoilsport.”

 

A girl with high cheekbones and an even higher nut-brown ponytail giggled, trying to stifle it.

 

“See, this bitch thinks I’m funny.”  Suigetsu grinned.  “Maybe she’ll keep me company, eh?”

 

An old woman covered a young girl’s ears and scowled at Suigetsu.  “Young man, behave yourself.”  Turning to the girl who had giggled, the woman frowned.  “Harumi, don’t encourage him.”

 

When Suigetsu leered, opening his mouth, Juugo stepped in, ushering his friend away.

 

“You gonna let an old crone sass me like that?” Suigetsu whined.

 

“Yes.  You deserve it,” Juugo said simply.  “And her name is Atsuko.”

 

From behind, Juugo heard Harumi let loose with laughter only to be scolded again.

 

“This is a good place to camp,” Sasuke said from the front, ignoring the commotion.  

 

Thanking Sasuke silently for the distraction, Juugo immediately went along, and like clockwork, so did Suigetsu, and then Sakura.  After Sakura came Kakashi, and then Sai, like dominoes.

 

The civilians just stood there in confusion as the ninja prepared for bed.

 

Sasuke turned to Inari, waspish look on his face.  "What's wrong with them?"

 

Inari ignored him and looked at Kakashi, who was massaging the small of Sakura's back.  "You just stopped.  Aren't you going to tell them what to do?"

 

Kakashi shrugged, kneading.  "Whatever they want."

 

"No rules? No staying upwind or anything like that?"

 

Straightening up and pausing in his ministrations, Kakashi chuckled.  Sakura, on the other hand, swore at him.

 

"It's impossible to maintain security with a group this size," Kakashi said, flicking Inari's ear.  "And there are no countries left to risk war with in territory disputes."

 

"But aren't you worried?"  Inari rubbed his ear, but his face was wrought with fear.  "Nobuya can tell you -- there are people out there still.  They're not all nice."

 

For a minute, Juugo couldn’t place the name, and then he remembered that Nobuya was the frail man with horribly scarred skin that made him the slowest of them all, every movement pained.  He was not a Wave citizen, but a remnant of the Mist citizens that the Kizanu had burned alive.

 

Suigetsu cackled.  "Kid, you must not know who you're dealing with.  There's no one out there who can mess with  us ."

 

"Oh."  Inari's face smoothed, contemplating, and then he shot a glance at Sasuke.  "I guess."

 

"You ought to be more concerned about eating," Suigetsu said with a grin. "It's cool there are women here now to do the cooking and all."

 

"Yeah, to do the  cooking ," Sakura said, rolling her eyes as she tried to replicate Kakashi zipping their sleeping bags together.  "That's what you're thinking of.  And what am I, a fish?"

 

"You're a goddamn harpy is what you are," Suigetsu whined.  "And a terrible cook!"

 

Sakura smiled sweetly.  "Shall I tell Chouji that only women can cook, hmm?"

 

Suigetsu let himself be drawn into the argument, but Juugo could see from the way his eyes lit up that he enjoyed it.  He was finding new moorings every day.

 

But Suigetsu's words had made Juugo realize how hungry he was.  He wandered over to the clutch of women, who were dressing the single rabbit that had been caught along the day's journey.

 

Juugo's offer of help was met with only blank stares, so he gathered firewood instead.  The two boys Makoto and Katashi ran after him, peppering Juugo with questions but hardly giving him time to answer.  It seemed that breaking off alone made him less intimidating than his group of comrades.

 

"What are you doing?  Are you a ninja?" Makoto said, watching in fascination as Juugo used his bare hands and a dull kunai to break off kindling from a collection of old felled trees.

 

"How are you so strong?" Katashi asked, some of his timidness falling away as Juugo answered each question patiently.  "Where is Rice Country?"

 

He told them of his homeland, of the clan house that used to be full of families and rambunctious, inquisitive children just like them.  For a minute, Makoto's and Katashi's hair seemed almost orange in the light of the setting sun, but then Juugo blinked and reality turned the boys' heads dark again.

 

"Your mother will be missing you two, won't she?" Juugo said, and even though the boys pouted, they dutifully followed him bank to camp.

 

When they returned to the clearing, the women accepted the gift of firewood and shooed Juugo away.  They were laughing and talking amongst themselves, preparing a simple stew with the rabbit and a few root vegetables the Wave people had brought.

 

It was scant little to feed so many.  Juugo couldn't help but agree with Sasuke in some ways: they could not feed these people.  Game took time to flush out and even longer to preserve, all impossible on the move.

 

The pregnant woman Suzuka brought him his stew, seeming to totter on unsteady spindles for legs, and Juugo smiled and thanked her.  He looked around; the air was growing nippy already and almost all of them were trying to huddle in tatty blankets.

 

Leaving them to fend for themselves was not an option either.

 

Just as always when the despair began to mount, Juugo slipped into his sleeping bag and closed his eyes.  He imagined open spaces, rice paddies, and happy orange-haired children.

 

In his dreams, Juugo never turned grey and monstrous, never lost control.  In his dreams, the children always lived.

 

...

 

“Kakashi, listen to me!  I can’t leave him like that --”

 

“You can and you will.  I --”

 

“Kakashi!”

 

The sudden, heated yelling roused Juugo quickly.  He blinked awake and looked around.  Kakashi had his hands on Sakura’s shoulders, seemingly trying to hold her in place without raising her ire, and she was glaring at him fiercely.  It didn’t take Juugo long to realize that the cause of their argument was Sasuke, thrashing behind them.  In the dying light of the smoldering cinders of the fire, it looked almost like a seizure, but Juugo knew better.

 

“Look at them,” Suigetsu muttered, but his eyes were beyond them, on the civilian camp only a short distance away.  “They’re like vultures.”

 

The civilian eyes glittered in the low light as they huddled and watched on in confusion, interest, fear, or some combination.

 

“They’re not vultures,” Juugo said calmly as he stood and dusted off his pants.  “They gain nothing.”

 

“He’ll hate it anyway,” Suigetsu said, following suit.

 

The argument that had continued on in furious whispers seemed to end abruptly.  Sakura broke away from Kakashi.

 

“I’m waking him.”

 

Kakashi grabbed her arm.  “It’s not safe --”

 

“I can handle myself,” she insisted, but before she could break loose, Sai stepped towards the prostrate, flailing Sasuke.

 

“You can,” Sai said, “but let me instead.”

 

After slight hesitation, both Sakura and Kakashi subsided, stepping back to give Sai space.  The pale man leaned down, reaching one hand slowly towards Sasuke’s shoulder.

 

“Your sleep is troubled,” Sai said softly.  “It’s time to --”

 

Before Sai could finish his sentence, Sasuke smashed his fist into the man’s jaw with an audible  crack .  Immediately, Sai slumped to the ground, limp.  A shrill scream split the air from one of the civilians.

 

As one, they all flew into action.  Roughly, Kakashi pushed Sakura behind him.  Almost in a daze, Juugo steadied her and then lightly restrained her when she made a beeline for the downed Sai.  Suigetsu dragged the prone, unresponsive body away like a rag doll, taking Sai out of the line of fire.

 

Kakashi yanked Sasuke to his feet.  “Wake up.”

 

Straining against Juugo’s arms, Sakura yelled.  “No, Kakashi!  That won’t --”

 

Sasuke’s eyes snapped open.

 

She cut off abruptly.  “Sasuke-kun?”

 

Juugo’s stomach sank when Sasuke stared blankly at Kakashi.  He was awake now, but it mattered little.

 

Kakashi came to the same conclusion, rattling Sasuke by the shoulders.  “Come on!  Snap out of it now.”

 

“Kakashi, don’t!” Sakura said again, and before Kakashi had a chance to argue, the glow of lightning lit the clearing.

 

One of Sasuke’s fists was closed tight and the other crackled and hissed, electricity leaping from it in wide arcs.  Kakashi jumped backwards to avoid it, cursing.

 

“What is that?” cried Suzuka tremulously, clutching at her cropped black hair in distress.  “Oh, God, what  is that?”

 

“Sasuke, you idiot!” Suigetsu yelled, waving his arms a safe distance from Sasuke.  “The war is over.  Chill the fuck out already.”

 

Sasuke paid no mind to Suigetsu, and Juugo tightened his hold on Sakura, dragging her away further even as she struggled -- for Juugo recognized the slight widening of stance, the minor crouch, and especially the straight arm, pointed toward the ground.  Sasuke was focusing into a full chidori.

 

Suigetsu saw it too, and with a desperate leap and shout, tried to tackle Sasuke to the ground.  Their tussle was brief -- less than a second -- and concluded in Suigetsu in a twitchy, electrocuted puddle, but the moment seemed to stretch on and on.

 

And then it was over.

 

Sasuke screeched forward in a blur of movement -- but not towards Kakashi.  Chidori tore into the ground in a wild trajectory, not at all the straight shot it was with Sharingan to guide it -- but still, Sasuke’s aim was true.  He was headed right towards Juugo and Sakura.

 

Kakashi sent one shuriken towards Sasuke’s throat, and then another right after it to knock it off course, cursing, uncertainty written on every feature even through his mask.  “Sasuke, you wouldn’t!  Wake up!”

 

“Sasuke-kun!” Sakura called, pleading.

 

Despite their enjoinders, Sasuke did not stop. Juugo watched it happen as if in slow motion.

 

Even on her best day, Sakura's speed was no match for Sasuke's.  Six months pregnant, she stood no chance.  Kakashi was racing toward them, but he was too far.  He wouldn’t make it in time.

 

She knew it.  Her face hardened and with a burst of strength Juugo didn’t know was possible, she broke free.  Sakura stood her ground, charging her fist with chakra of her own.

 

It wouldn't matter.  Sasuke would strike her down.

 

Before Juugo truly knew what he was doing, he felt a familiar strength flow in his veins.

 

The creaking and cracking of shifting bones were disconcerting to Juugo, for usually by this time, he was in no state to hear them.  Usually, the  Juugo part was long gone by now.

 

Just in time, with speed he hadn't known himself capable of, Juugo threw himself in front of Sakura.

 

Sasuke's hand pierced Juugo's grey flesh as if it was butter, coming clean out the other side.

 

Usually, Juugo felt no pain in his cursed form -- but with his wits about him, he could feel everything from Sasuke's twitching wrist to his own bones growing towards it, attempting to attack the invader.  He couldn't stop a shout from leaving him, gritting his teeth against the pain.

 

As if a switch had been flipped, the light of intelligence flooded into Sasuke's eyes.  With concentration, Juugo tamed his bones and stopped them from impaling anyone.

 

Sasuke looked behind Juugo at Sakura, who was still frozen in battle stance, and then his gaze locked into the place where his hand had burrowed through Juugo's right shoulder.

 

"Juugo..." Sasuke whispered, sounding small and frightened.  "Sakura..."

 

"No lasting harm done," Juugo said and reached up with his left hand to withdraw Sasuke's arm from his shoulder.

 

With a horrible squelching nose, Sasuke's hand popped free and Juugo's body began to mend itself.  As his wound consumed his own flesh, Juugo could feel himself shrinking.  The pain faded.

 

Sasuke's arms went limp, one smeared with black blood and the other finally unfisting to drop a small piece of broken pottery to the forest floor.

 

"I'm sorry," Sasuke said woodenly, craning his neck to look at the sky.

 

"You were dreaming about Naruto," Juugo said calmly.  "No apology necessary."

 

"Oh, Sasuke," Sakura said, and gathered him into a hug.  "Juugo, are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine," Juugo said, trying to catch Sasuke's eye.  " Fine ."

 

But Sasuke didn't look at him, one arm stiffly pulling Sakura closer as she clutched at him.  Blankly, Sasuke stared at the moon that had nearly doomed them all.


	18. Whitewater

Grip tightening around the hilt of his kunai, he grit his teeth as he watched Sakura toss in her sleep. Sasuke had tried to kill her. If it hadn’t been for Juugo, he might very well have succeeded. Sasuke could never redeem himself. Even the consideration of redemption was beyond his moral scope. Uchiha Sasuke was a cold-blooded murderer and the worst kind of monster. Naruto had made the mistake of believing that there was an ounce of good in that monster, and Uchiha Sasuke had spilled his blood in reward. Uchiha Sasuke had to be slain, like the rest of his clan.  Just as monsters ought to be.

 

If he was powerless to fix everything else, then he would fix this.

 

Soundlessly, he left the tent, careful not to wake Sakura. As he walked, his heart pounded into his ears, heightening every one of his senses. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through his system, burn its way through the blood vessels in his fingers still clutching his kunai. It was as if the wind mimicked his mind, blowing harshly in quick gusts that left his skin tingling. In the small amount of light the moon allowed tonight, he could see Sasuke’s tent clearly. Sasuke slept in the same tent as his two other teammates. They could be a problem, but it didn’t matter. His task was more important than it all.

 

Naruto hadn’t deserved such a fate. Naruto had deserved everything that Sasuke still had today: teammates that protected him no matter the cost, the love of Sakura, but most of all, the right to breathe freely.  Freedom . Uchiha Sasuke had been Naruto’s ball and chain ever since he had deserted. He had forced Naruto into it all, given him no choice but to live his life for a traitor. Because Naruto had  honor , knew what it meant to  love . 

 

When he pulled open the flap of Sasuke’s tent, he could no longer hear his own heart, only the sudden stillness in the air and its silent buzzing. Sasuke was lying before him, flat on his back and unmoving, save for the quiet rising and falling of his chest. Even if he couldn’t steal back everything that Sasuke had taken, he could at least deprive him of his spoils.

 

Sucking in a slow breath through his nose, he raised his hands, grasping his kunai in both of them. Pressing his lips together, he adjusted his grip carefully. Only one swing was all it took, but he couldn’t fail. Without further wait, he brought the weapon down to pierce into Uchiha Sasuke’s skull.

 

“Did you think it would be so easy to kill me, Inari-kun?” 

 

Inari started as he registered Sasuke’s voice, realizing only now that Sasuke’s hand was squeezing his wrist so hard it sent pain shooting through his arm.

 

“I believe that’s mine,” Kakashi said from behind him as he pried the kunai from Inari’s trembling hands.

 

Inari’s eyes were wide with shock, lips quivering with the fear that suddenly squeezed his heart. With one tug of his wrist, Sasuke pulled Inari closer harshly, forcing him to look straight into Sasuke’s dark eyes. Inari had expected to see rage swirling in them, ready to pounce and swallow him up, but instead, he found a strange mix of resentment and anger, softened by another emotion he couldn’t measure. 

 

“Now, now, Sasuke-chan.” Kakashi pulled Inari back to his feet, away from Sasuke. “No need to scare him like that.”

 

Sasuke scoffed. “You sure took your sweet time stopping him.”

 

“You said it yourself,” Kakashi said, in his eternally cheerful voice. How could he remain so calm in front of a murderer? “You won’t be killed so easily.”

 

Sasuke only grunted and Kakashi led Inari away, back to his own bed. “Go to sleep now.”

 

Inari remained still, stiff as a board as he stared at his shoes, shame lapping at his insides.

 

“Inari.” Kakashi laid his hand on Inari’s shoulder, startling the boy to attention. “Don’t worry yourself over such matters. We’ll take care of it, alright?”

 

Still silent, Inari nodded before retreating inside his ragged pile of blankets.  Puuko wagged his tail and licked Inari’s face.

 

…

 

Inari was woken by a sharp pain.  Yanking his sore hand to his chest, Inari scrambled awake.

 

“Oops, sorry,” Sasuke said as he continued to walk by, as cool and unaffected as ever.  “Didn’t see you there.”

 

His strange friend, the one that kept frightening the more faint-hearted of Inari’s villagers, bared his shark teeth in a grin.  “Your eyes keep getting worse and worse, eh, Sasuke?  You're stepping on bugs now."

 

The pair continued through the camp, casually strolling to where the women were serving breakfast.  Inari glared at their backs until he caught little Katashi peering at him from behind a nearby tree.  With some effort, Inari forced the corners of his mouth up.

 

“I slept late today, didn’t I?”  It was just past dawn, but usually he was up well before then.

 

With a quick look around to make sure no one else was watching, Katashi smiled.  “Mom says sleeping too long makes you grumpy.”

 

“Well, your mom is pretty smart, so I guess I better get up, huh?”

 

Katashi hid half of his smile behind the tree again.

 

Inari dragged himself out of bed and stretched.  “I’m hungry.  Aren’t you?”

 

Just as Inari knew he would, Katashi nodded and trotted to catch up with him as he went to breakfast.  It was difficult, sometimes, to bring Katashi out of the shadows, but usually, food could do the trick.

 

Before they finished treading through the jumbled mixture of tents, blankets, and sleeping bags towards the cooking area, a small bullet-shaped child shot in from the side to tackle Katashi.  Their shouts filled the air as they wrestled congenially.  With a few yips, Puuko bounded over and joined in the fun, as he usually did.

 

“ Boys !”

 

With twin guilty expressions, the two boys returned to their mother -- but Inari didn’t miss that they were both smiling still.  The other thing that could draw Katashi out was his little brother.

 

Inari took his cold slab of deer meat and sat among his people, who made way for him with happy faces.  Puuko sat next to him, panting and waiting patiently for his table scraps.

 

As intimidating as Sasuke’s two friends were, one hulking and quiet and a secret monster, the other small and devilish and a not-so-secret monster, they were good hunters.  They had returned from only one day with an entire deer.  Himawari, a butcher’s daughter through and through, had sung for the first time since they left home, her sweet, high voice floating through the air as she joyfully broke down the deer carcass.

 

His villagers laughed around him, Daichi even breaking out his lute for a rare performance.  A properly nutritious deer stew dinner and a few nights in the same place with no travel had everyone in good spirits.

 

As his attention wandered, Inari happened to catch Sakura bringing Kakashi his food.  The man grabbed her into a kiss, mask and all.  She giggled into his mouth and swatted away a hand that had roamed too near her backside before waddling back to the other women.

 

Inari swallowed hard, his last bite of meat suddenly a lump in his throat.  Even the ninja were in good moods, it seemed, but Inari couldn’t help but wish they’d show it somewhere else.

 

After Sasuke had nearly killed Sakura, the ninja had quietly transitioned to sleeping in tents.  The next day, though no one spoke at all about the  incident , at least in the open, Granny Atsuko had given a rare nod of approval to Sakura.

 

“Married couples ought to have their privacy,” she said, and Sakura turned as red as a beet.

 

Sasuke had laughed, and Inari had wanted to punch him -- how dare Sasuke mock her after what he had done?  But Sakura had only yanked on Sasuke’s earlobe -- hard -- and walked away with her nose in the air.

 

Inari, of course, knew that wasn’t the reason at all.  Whether they used that excuse or the encroaching cold, they all knew the tents were meant as some sort of flimsy barrier between the Wave citizens and the violence of the ninja world.  Inari also knew that if it ever happened again, a canvas wall wouldn’t matter in the slightest.

 

Or Inari had  assumed it was only an excuse until two nights later, the night after Inari’s failed attempt at murder.  That’s when Kakashi and Sakura took advantage of that marital privacy.

 

Almost everyone was asleep, but the sounds coming from their tent, quiet as they were, couldn’t be more obvious.  Anyone still up just ignored it, as they were accustomed to; they were hardly the first couple in such close quarters, though no others remained to them now, separated one by one.  Inari tried to ignore Kakashi and Sakura too, but despite himself, he had to slip into his blankets to hide the tenting of his trousers.  He attempted to divert his attention, but her soft, pleasured gasps kept distracting him.

 

She was seventeen, or close to it, because Inari could never forget Naruto’s age.  Inari was fifteen.  He’d considered them in the same category since they first met.  Naruto was part of what gave Inari the strength to step forward, when his village was falling apart.  Naruto would have done it, he told himself.

 

Sakura was only two years older than him, but she was married.  Pregnant.  An adult.  Inari sat in the dark with his hands down his shorts, listening to her in shame.  He’d never even kissed a girl.

 

A masculine grunt came, and then her giggle.  Inari wondered how old Kakashi was -- forty?  Fifty?  Sixty even?  With his mask, it was hard to tell, but whatever Kakashi's actual age, Inari had always thought of him as Naruto's teacher, in the same category as Inari's mother.  But clearly Kakashi and Sakura thought of themselves in the same category.

 

Suddenly the difference between fifteen and seventeen seemed insurmountable.  What kind of leader was he?  He was fooling himself to think he could be someone like Naruto.  In truth, Naruto had always been as far above Inari as someone like Kakashi.  Naruto might have kept Wave's people safe, but Inari could only watch them die.

 

…

 

The camp was always busy.  The past couple of days had been filled with foraging, smoking meats for preservation, tanning hides, darning socks, and any number of other necessities.

 

In this arena, the women ruled.  They gave men tasks and the men performed them without complaint.  At least that’s how it worked in Wave.  It seemed not so for the ninja.  The first time Harumi handed Sai an axe, he returned the tool to her hand.

 

“I already have sufficient weaponry.  Thank you,” he said politely.

 

Harumi looked to Granny Atsuko, at a loss.  The women answered to her, but even Atsuko knitted her grey brows and turned to Inari.

 

“All these men, and they’re not expected to help?”

 

Inari hesitated.  “They’ve done us enough favors…”

 

Sai’s wooden smile widened.  “I am happy to help.”

 

“Good,” Harumi said and unceremoniously dumped the axe into Sai’s hands.

 

He tried to hand it back again, smile faltering.  “I’m afraid I don’t need this --”

 

“You don’t need an axe to chop firewood?”  Harumi was incredulous, raising a fine eyebrow at Sai, ninja or no.

 

Sai finally accepted the axe, staring at it dubiously.  “Firewood.  Oh.”

 

“You don’t know how to chop firewood, do you?”  Harumi put a surprised hand to her lips, trying to cover a smile.  “What kind of a man  are you?  Well, maybe someone can help you…”

 

She looked at nearby Suigetsu, who sat up ramrod straight.  “Firewood?  Oh, hell no.  And before you pull that shit on me, I know how.  I just refuse.”

 

Harumi chuckled.   “Gonna sit here and do nothing all day, then?”

 

Crossing his arms in defiance, Suigetsu  harumph ed.  “I’m a guard.  And you ain’t starving, right?  That’s right.  Thank me by pointing that axe at some other chump.”

 

Sighing at Harumi’s incessant giggles, Atsuko called her son over, one of the few able-bodied men left from Wave.

 

“Ichiro, show this man how to chop wood.”  Atsuko turned a steely eye on Inari.  “What are you looking at?  Get to work.”

 

…

 

Daichi carried the cast net, the length of it slung over his bare back, the weights knocking below his knees.   Inari shifted the basket trap to his other shoulder, feeling the water drip between his shoulderblades, and tightened his hold on a string of fish.  Puuko pranced around his feet, his lower half almost black from mud and reeking of swamp, but perfectly content nevertheless.

 

“Boys,” Inari said, stern.  Sheepishly, they stopped playing with their strings of fish and walked straight, Makoto struggling not to let his bang against the ground.

 

It was almost like home, but not.  The fish were slimier, with a different, blander taste.  There was mud coating Inari’s legs, and the smell was musty, earthy, and stuck in his nose.  Maybe others would say the salt spray of the sea stuck in  their noses, but to Inari, saltwater smelled like home.  He missed the way his clothes would turn white and his mother would cluck her tongue as she tried to wash the salt out, saying,  Why don’t you become a carpenter like your grandfather?

 

Sighing, Inari confiscated Makoto’s string after it dragged along the forest floor one too many times, coating the fish on the bottom with dirt.  The boy ran on ahead, looking for squirrels or any other small animal he could potentially play with, and the rest of them trudged on.  Puuko ran along behind, playfully nipping at Makoto’s heels.

 

At least fishing centered Inari.  Just like the rope tied around his head, it reminded him who he was, and who his father was, and who he wanted to be.  One day soon, Inari would even be tall enough to carry the net himself.

 

Finally back at camp, the boys ran off immediately to swarm Juugo, scaling him like a mountain.  Seeing Juugo turn grey and black and non-human had made the rest of Inari's village give him a wide berth, but the boys seemed unphased by Juugo's display.  It couldn't be a bad thing, Inari decided, if it made even shy Katashi smile.

 

Daichi and Inari continued on to drop off the equipment where it was meant and headed in to rest before dinner.  When Suzuka took the fish for gutting and looked positively sick at the thought, Inari frowned.  She was excellent at cleaning fish.  Her squeamishness seemed to be getting worse lately.

 

Inari felt bad for her, so he offered to help her with the fish.

 

Daichi made no such offer, giving Inari a slightly reproachful look before heading off to his own pile of sleeping rags to rest.  This was a woman’s job, Inari knew, but he didn't mind so much.

 

“Akira loved this type of fish,” Suzuka said softly, the movements of her knife swift and sure.  “Ayu, he called them.  He’d go inland just to catch them so I could cook them for him.”

 

Her straight black hair, cut off at the jaw, swept forward so Inari couldn’t see her face as she skewered a gutted fish on a sharpened stick.  “Like this, over the fire.  But it’s better with salt.”

 

Suddenly, she set the stick down, turning almost ashen grey.  “Excuse me,” she said and ran off to retch in the bushes.

 

Even in the early parts of her pregnancy, Suzuka hadn’t had much morning sickness, and though Inari didn’t know much about the mystery of babies that women kept to themselves, he knew it was strange to see her so sick now, near the end.  But then perhaps she was just missing her late husband.  She was barely twenty -- so young to be widowed.  The cruelest of ironies had spared Akira from the cocoons only to be brutally murdered by roving pillagers in the attack that finally drove them from Wave.

 

“I’m sorry,” Suzuka said, wiping her mouth on her dirty yukata sleeve as she returned.  “I’ve got such an awful headache.  When I talk, it’s like the noise is rattling around inside my skull.”

 

Inari said nothing, his hands pausing as he skewered a fish.  It was starting to seep into him now, that same feeling he got when his grandfather’s eyes began to turn yellow and his skin drooped like melted candle wax.  Tazuna made it out of the cocoon, unlike Inari’s mother, but not for long.

 

Suzuka took the stick from Inari and handed him the singular slop bucket, whose insides had seen more disgusting things than fish guts.  “For Puuko.  I’ll bury the rest,” she said, and Inari nodded and slipped away, trying to keep his face from showing the worry now prickling his breast.

 

Inari loosed a sharp whistle and Puuko came running, tongue lolling out of his mouth.  As soon as the slop was spread on the ground, Puuko tore into it.  Before all of this happened, Puuko might have looked at Inari, confused, and waited for his proper supper.  But like the rest of them, Puuko had learned to adapt.

 

Smiling, Inari ran his fingers through Puuko’s fur that was still white, at least on his back.  Before they moved on, Inari would bathe him.  Inari swore when he got a new dog never to let him down like the last time.  So far, Inari had succeeded, even when everyone thought he wouldn’t.  The villagers no longer begrudged the dog food.  Puuko made everyone smile, and they had all been quick to realize that these days, that was a commodity even rarer than a full belly.

 

Since Puuko was happily occupied, Inari left him be, and started searching the camp for that bright shock of pink hair.  As predicted, it wasn’t hard to find.  Sakura was just out of the main camp, peering into Sai’s mouth.

 

“Looks like the swelling has gone down.  It’s healing nicely,” she said, but her smile was a bit strained.  “You’re cute with it, I say.  The rugged look is good for the ladies, eh?”

 

Sai stepped back, giving her a skeptical look, his black brows raised.  She laughed, and Sai finally smiled, showing off the new gap on the left side of his mouth near the corner.  Sasuke’s nocturnal disturbance had left its mark on Sai, who would always be missing a tooth after the nasty blow he took.

 

“Definitely cute,” Sakura said, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss Sai on the cheek.  “Now go make sure Suigetsu hasn’t gotten into too much trouble, yeah?”

 

With a pat to her head, Sai was gone.  Inari stared after him for a moment, still uncomfortable around the man even though Sakura had told him the whole story.  He was stiff, formal, and understood so little of anything of Inari’s world -- but he had been Naruto’s friend, Sakura said.  It was easy to see that he relaxed around Sakura, so Inari was determined to like him too.

 

“What is it, Inari-kun?”

 

Sakura was smiling at him sweetly, but suddenly it was hard to tell her why he had come.  She was a real doctor.  If she said something was wrong with Suzuka, it would be true.  Suzuka had already picked out names for the baby: Keiko for a girl and Akira, after her husband, for a boy.

 

“Suzuka has a headache,” he blurted out suddenly.

 

“There’s not much I can do about that, unfortunately.  Pregnancy does strange things to the body,” Sakura said, spreading her hands over her own rounded belly.  When Inari didn’t respond, she took his hand.  “Come on with me for awhile.  I could do with some company.  I still don’t know your friends very well.”

 

She led him a ways away where Nobuya was sitting on a tree stump, hunched over as usual.  Hitomi played with her doll in front of him, face filthy from helping him with the smoker all day.  It was a dirty job, but an easy one, mostly requiring basic supervision to ensure they didn’t burn down the forest.  In his previous life, Nobuya had been an engineer, so rigging together a makeshift smoker was easy enough, but supervising it was all he could handle.

 

“Are you ready, Nobuya-san?”

 

“I was born ready.”  Nobuya’s muffled, slow voice, with a tongue made clumsy by fire, was exactly what had caught Inari’s attention the first time.  

 

When they had found him rummaging through an old house for food, on the verge of death, how could they abandon him?  The Kizanu had left Nobuya for dead, they soon learned, along with the rest of his village, who actually were dead.  Inari couldn’t do the same.  Atsuko warned him that Nobuya’s injuries would consume him eventually, but they could make him more comfortable, at least, before he died.

 

Nobuya peeled off his shirt, whimpering in pain as strips of skin came with it.  His chest and back were a ruin, still with raw patches that would never heal, even months later.  

 

Hitomi -- an orphan, displaced just like Nobuya, which had made them fast friends -- stared with wide eyes, her doll forgotten as her lower lip began to quiver.  She gripped her towheaded curls in distress.

 

“Can you turn the fish by yourself, Hitomi-chan?” Nobuya said softly.  “Help out Uncle Nobuya.”

 

The girl scrambled to obey, and with her distracted, Sakura’s hands began to glow an unnatural green.  The glow grew until it shone so brightly that Inari had to shield his eyes.  He winced when the glowing globes touched Nobuya’s skin, sure it must hurt, but immediately, the tightness around Nobuya’s eyes relaxed.  Often, he looked surly, almost angry, but Inari saw now that he had just been in pain.

 

“You’re good at this,” Nobuya said, smiling for the first time since Inari met him.

 

Sakura laughed quietly.  “The Kizanu had the firebug in Konoha too, so I have plenty of practice.  Atsuko-san couldn’t believe I knew how to do anything at all.  I can’t cook and I’m not much for cleaning or sewing or anything like that, but I can do this.  It’s not so bad, right?”

 

“I’m sure Hatake-san is happy to have such a wife.”  Nobuya winked, and even that simple movement was less stiff.  “Don’t tell anyone, but my wife couldn’t cook either.  I never even told  her because she was pretty enough to make up for it.  Just like you.”

 

“Your secret’s safe with me.”

 

Inari watched in fascination as Sakura worked over every inch of Nobuya’s body.  When she reached the band of his pants, she turned to Inari, smiling awkwardly.  

 

“Maybe you could escort Hitomi-chan here back to camp?”

 

“Of course.  Hitomi-chan, why don’t we go see Granny Atsuko?”

 

Inari held out his hand and the girl took it hesitantly, clutching her doll to her chest as she looked back at Nobuya with more worry in her eyes than a child her age should ever know.  But Nobuya smiled at her and she relented, taking Inari’s hand.

 

As they headed back to the main camp, Inari silently marveled at what he had seen.  If there was someone like Sakura here -- someone whose mere hands could make skin knit back together, as if by magic -- then maybe things would turn out alright after all.

 

\---

 

The small period of relaxation between eating and sleeping was Inari's favorite part of the day -- especially on nights like tonight, when his muscles had the sweet ache of a hard day's work.  Somehow, trudging forward brought with it a different kind of exhaustion, one more inside of his head than in his body. Working through the pain that burned in his muscles when they strained he knew how to do; breaking the monotonous cycle of an easy task wasn’t in his blood. The men of his family had always been hard workers, fishermen, carpenters, boat builders. 

 

Just as Inari stretched his legs to feel the warmth of their small fire better, Suigetsu stood up, hollering and making Inari’s ears ring as always. “Hey, dog man, you still got that pack of cards?”

 

Their ragtag group quietly became homier as the days passed, Inari noticed. Simply watching how they all split up in their own cliques -- and not ninja or non-ninja cliques -- showed how quickly his people shed their fear of the shinobi. Even Kakashi’s group was less rigid now. It was much like having a family or village again; people stuck together and started liking each other since, well, there wasn’t anybody else around and nobody was going anywhere.

 

Kakashi tapped his breast pocket, reclined where he sat with Nobuya. “As always.”

 

To Inari's surprise, Kakashi and Nobuya seemed to get along quite well. From the moment they’d found Nobuya, he’d been a gruff and bitter old man, but Sakura’s treatment didn’t bring back only his health, but his personality. Inari couldn’t help but smile to himself. It made him happy, to see Nobuya relaxed there, with Kakashi. It made Inari realize that there was still so much beyond suffering. Since the moon had turned red, every other day brought with it a new lesson and a dose of humility. Inari realized now why the adults laughed whenever he spit out whatever black and white view of the world he had. Adults knew pain, and the life beyond it; that’s all Inari needed now to know he knew nothing.

 

With a new weight pressing down on his shoulders, Inari refocused his attention on Nobuya and Kakashi, nostalgia washing over him. They seemed to bring out the old soul in each other, but also the men in them. Nobuya and Kakashi were much like Tazuna had been like hanging out with his fellow carpenters. They didn’t speak much, and almost always of work. What to build, how to build it, duties to be carried out… Man stuff. Sometimes, Inari was tempted to join in the conversation, eager to know more about Nobuya’s old job, but he always sat close by instead. While Kakashi seemed to effortlessly follow Nobuya’s detailed explanations of the laws of physics, Inari was lost, so he stayed silent.

 

“Hand it over, will ya?” Suigetsu held his palm out in front of Kakashi, stance impatient.

 

Suigetsu was unlike any men Inari had known -- perhaps even a bit akin to Gato in a sense, but not really. Suigetsu, as evil as he tried to appear, seemed only like a hyperactive teenager in the end.  Even Puuko liked him, gravitating towards Suigetsu when Inari was busy.  Kakashi got along with him too, somehow. The side Suigetsu brought out in Kakashi was a sharp contrast to his quiet conversations with Nobuya. With Suigetsu, Kakashi was more raunchy, sarcastic and quick to taunt. It had taken Inari quite a while before he recognized it as playfulness rather than dislike. 

 

“So rude,” Kakashi said as he turned to Nobuya, a frown on his masked face. “Youth these days, hm?”

 

“Says the one who married one,” Nobuya replied, laughter rumbling from deep within, a sound that would forever be burned in Inari’s memory. It was so deep and coarse, a tone only his burnt throat could produce. “Don’t be so selfish, Kakashi-san.”

 

Whenever his marriage to Sakura was brought up, Kakashi became defensive, even if only for a moment. Kakashi and Sakura talked little of their marriage, and Inari couldn’t figure out why it seemed to be such a sensitive subject. Of course, Inari couldn’t quite get used to the idea that Sakura was the wife of Naruto’s sensei, but they seemed happy together. The thought that she was having sex with an old man did repulse him somewhat, but then again, Inari only brushed it off. There had to be so much more to it, again a whole side of the world he hadn’t experienced yet.

 

“If you’re not gonna hand it over, then just get off your lazy ass and play a game with me,” Suigetsu growled, placing his hands on his hips.

 

Inari looked over his shoulder towards Sakura, who was sitting with most of the other women for once. As friendly as Sakura was with all of her bright smiles, she was taking the longest to warm up to the new group, though they were most at ease with her, lacking the intimidating factor of her companions.  As usual, she was making polite conversations with the others, though most of it was directed at Suzuka. More than once, he’d seen them fondling each other’s bellies, even laying on the ground side by side and counting the number of movements from within.  It mustn’t have been hard for them to bond over that one common point. 

 

“Fine, fine,” Kakashi sighed, moving his legs towards his body to sit cross-legged. 

 

Suigetsu quickly followed suit, Puuko at his heel yet again. Why Puuko had taken such a liking to Suigetsu, Inari would never know. Still, he looked happy, snoring with his head on Suigetsu’s thigh and having his neck rubbed vigorously.

 

Kakashi stretched his neck to look over Suigetsu’s shoulder. “Sakura! Do you want to play cards tonight?”

 

Sakura’s mouth froze mid-word and she turned to Kakashi, redness creeping up her cheeks. “I’m busy!” she said quickly, before turning back towards Suzuka’s baby bump.

 

Sasuke laughed. Inari tensed immediately. Thankfully, Sasuke usually kept quiet. Whenever he spoke or made his presence known, Inari was on edge. Inari wanted to trust Kakashi and Sakura when they said Sasuke wasn’t a threat now, but he couldn’t. Watching Sasuke where he sat, laughing and as comfortable as if he owned the place, all Inari could see was a snake in disguise, waiting for the right moment to strike. The villagers all seemed to feel it, and stayed away from him, leaving him to hover somewhere close to Kakashi most of the time. They rarely talked, but they were rarely out of each other’s sights since the incident.

 

“You heard the lady!” Suigetsu clapped his hands together and turned to look behind Sasuke. “Weird kid!  Juugo! Time to play poker between us men!”

 

“Maybe later,” Juugo answered, busy showing Makoto how to make a whistle out of a blade of grass. 

 

Sai and Juugo consisted of one of the mini-cliques within their group. They never spoke, but seemed most comfortable that way. Makoto and Katashi had taken a liking to Juugo as well, surely due to his ability to speak to animals. Rika was always close, watching over her children. Inari didn’t miss the half-concealed smiles her and Juugo often exchanged, though.

 

“Pfeh, ditching us like that,” Suigetsu spat, scrunching up his nose.

 

“You look cute when you’re jealous,” Kakashi said, wide grin on his face. “Doesn’t he, Nobuya-san?”

 

“Sure does,” Nobuya chuckled, hunched over and short of breath as he always was.

 

“I’d sure enjoy some entertainment,” Harumi cut in, dropping down on her butt besides Suigetsu, earning herself a loud bark from Puuko. “Bet you guys wouldn’t mind having some eye candy while you play, huh?”

 

Inari had been quick to take a liking to Harumi, no matter how much Granny Atsuko liked to look down at her and mumble insults to her under her breath. Harumi was like the raucous big sister that he never had. 

 

Ichiro scooted closer between Kakashi and Harumi, a wide smile on his lips. “I sure don’t mind.”

 

Daichi followed him and it wasn’t long before the men, and Harumi, were forming a circle in which Inari didn’t fit so well. 

 

“I thought this was a man-only game!” Suigetsu complained, slapping his hands on his knees. “If I wanted estrogen I’d go sit with them yappy-happy crows!”

 

Harumi laughed loud and clear before she punched Suigetsu’s shoulder. “You, you’ve got one hell of a mouth, you know that?”

 

“And you’re one loud bitch,” Suigetsu snapped, baring his fangs at her.

 

Why Harumi always egged him on and replied to his idiocies, Inari could never guess. To everyone else, Suigetsu’s jokes were hardly worthy of more than eye-rolling, but Harumi laughed or provoked him.

 

When Inari tried to sneak away, Daichi clapped him on the back. “Where do you think you’re going? You’re one of us, so play with us.”

 

Even if his lips were itching to smile, Inari glanced towards Kakashi. Since the ninja had joined his group, he felt out of place, stuck between two roles that couldn’t mesh together. Before, he’d been the group’s leader, the only one with the will and determination to make everyone take one more step. Now, they were many to fit the description, but within the ninja, it seemed to be clear that Kakashi was the one you looked to before making a decision. With his own responsibility stripped away, Inari was confused as to what he was supposed to do.

 

“You’re all grown up now,” Kakashi said, a warmth to his voice that Inari vaguely remembered from his childhood. “Time to learn to play poker.”

 

“Runts and women!” Suigetsu threw his hands in the air. Puuko wagged his tail, seemingly undisturbed. “That’s no way to play poker!”

 

Inari sat back between Nobuya and Suigetsu, huffing. “I’ve got more guts than you in my little finger.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Suigetsu retorted, leaning forward. “You wanna try me?”

 

Like many of them, Inari was sick of hearing Suigetsu’s incessant shouts and rudeness, but most of all, he was tired of his peacock walk. Imitating Suigetsu, he leaned forward, hands on his knees. “I’ve hauled bigger fish than you!”

 

Ichiro laughed, reaching past Nobuya to grab and shake Inari’s shoulders. “He’s got fire in his veins, I can vouch for that!”

 

“The kid’s got guts, alright,” Sasuke chuckled from the other end of the circle, cheek on his fist as his smile took on a dangerous bend.

 

“Now, now,” Kakashi sighed, raising his hands defensively. “How about I just deal the cards already?”

 

Inari sat back, jaw jutting out proudly regardless of Sasuke’s and Suigetsu’s glares.

 

Kakashi dealt in silence. Somehow, only that gesture and the careful look Kakashi threw him was enough for Inari to lose his gusto. There was nothing Kakashi could say -- or even shout -- that would make Inari feel as small as that one silent, calculated glance. Unlike most men of power Inari knew, Kakashi didn’t bark orders or yell curses. He didn’t say a word, and that was when you knew to shut up.

 

The first hand was quick to be over. Harumi won easily with a lucky four of a kind, all of the tens. Inari had thought for sure he would win with his pairs of sixes and fives, all of diamonds and clubs, but his confidence had cost him.

 

“I don’t play so bad for a chick, huh?” Harumi taunted, smirking at Suigetsu. “I’ll bet you didn’t expect that!”

 

“Oh, you’ll shut your trap when I get my freak on.” Suigetsu waggled his eyebrows and stuck his tongue out, more than enough to make Inari roll his eyes in disgust.

 

“Oh, show me that freak of yours,” Harumi purred, leaning suggestively towards Suigetsu. “I bet I’ve dealt with worse.”

 

Nobuya, Daichi, and Ichiro all went silent. There was something about Harumi that always made them uncomfortable. Himawari had a tendency to do so as well, what with being a butcher and all, but it was nothing like Harumi’s effect. It reminded Inari of the queasiness he felt whenever he walked in on his mother talking to another woman about her periods or other womanly issues.

 

“Tch. You’re all talk and no bite,” Suigetsu laughed, waving his hand. “You were probably some rich guy’s daughter and picked flowers all day. That doesn’t make you tough!”

 

Harumi’s eyes took on a harder edge and she held his gaze stubbornly. “You wanna know what I was? I was a whore. That’s how I kept myself fed.”

 

Inari did his best to ignore Harumi’s confession, distracting himself with bending the corner of his two of diamonds. Even Suigetsu shut up for a whole half second.

 

Then, he burst out laughing and threw his arm around Harumi’s shoulders, squeezing Puuko between the two of them. “Scratch what I said, you’re something for someone as puny as you!”

 

“Why don’t you deal the next hand now, hm, Kakashi?” Ichiro said abruptly.

 

Kakashi did so without hesitation. 

 

“You know what I miss?” Daichi sighed as he took his cards, dissipating the heaviness over everyone’s shoulders. 

 

Inari received his as well and did his best to hide his disappointment. No matching cards, and his highest were only a jack of clubs and a four of spades. “What?”

 

“Music,” he said, dropping his cards on the grass, admitting defeat quickly. With his best card being a five of hearts, it wasn’t so surprising. Daichi had never been a big fighter. “Quality music that sounded from quality instruments. Real music.”

 

“Hmm.” Kakashi tipped his head back slightly, closing his eyes.

 

Ichiro chuckled. “I miss alcohol. I’d always sing these stupid drunken songs whenever Tazuna dragged me to the pub.”

 

Inari lit up. “The one about ducks?”

 

“Yeah, that one!” Ichiro nodded, nostalgic smile stretching his cheeks.

 

“I heard Grandpa sing it a ton of times when he came home drunk,” Inari chuckled, remembering how angry his mother always was when Tazuna stumbled inside in the middle of the night. “Mom always hated it.”

 

“My brother taught me of a few of those,” Suigetsu cut in, echoing everyone’s laughs. “They sure as hell weren’t about ducks, though.”

 

Ichiro grinned, shaking his head as he inspected his cards. “Aren’t you a bit young for that, lad? How old are you, sixteen?”

 

Before Suigetsu could get respond, Daichi nudged Ichiro’s arm with his shoulder. “And how long did  you wait to have your first hangover?”

 

Inari bit back a laugh as Ichiro’s face pinched up, making him look almost identical to his mother, Granny Atsuko. Ichiro simply huffed.

 

“I was eighteen,” Nobuya said, rubbing his chin with his ever bandaged hands. “Come to think of it, I was a good kid.”

 

“And how long ago was  that ?” Suigetsu crooned, wicked smirk on his face. “You look even more ancient than that one!” 

 

While Suigetsu pointed at him, Kakashi barely reacted, wearing the perfect expression of detachment. “I thought we’d already made it clear that you have white hair as well.”

 

“I’m not elderly yet,” Nobuya said, indignant. “I’m only thirty-three.”

 

For a moment, everyone went silent. 

 

Ichiro himself was a few years older than Nobuya. It hadn’t even crossed Inari’s mind until now that Nobuya appeared so old only because of his mangled skin. The fire had left him with little hair, spread around his skull in small patches.

 

“Am I really the only one who’s not surprised?” Harumi blurted out, staring at everyone. 

 

Before anyone could add more salt to Nobuya’s injury, Kakashi laughed.

 

"You've got me beat," Kakashi said, throwing down his cards as well.  "I turned thirty one ... What was it, last week sometime?"

 

No one responded, the shock only deepening.  Inari realized only now how young Kakashi had been when they first met.  Suddenly the gulf between them seemed to yawn wider, despite being closer together in years than he expected.

 

Sakura broke the tension by approaching from behind to kneel by Kakashi’s side.

 

"Ah, Sakura-chan.  You'll know."  Kakashi leaned closer to her, his stiff smile becoming more genuine.  "When was my birthday?"

 

"It's tomorrow," she said, though she didn't echo his smile, looking distracted.  "Why?"  Her eyes narrowed, turning to the group.  "Don't go giving him ideas!  He doesn't need any help with that."

 

Kakashi exhaled in mock disappointment, his breath ruffling Sakura's bright hair.  "Still thirty, then?  Not so old after all."

 

Sakura rolled her eyes and picked at his mask.  "You're practically a mummy."

 

She tried to make the joke convincing, but her face remained pinched.  It didn't surprise Inari when she leaned closer to whisper in Kakashi's ear whatever the true reason for her visit was.  Kakashi's expression didn't change except for the quickest transfer of his gaze over Sakura's shoulder to Suzuka.  Inari's stomach clenched.

 

Sakura pulled away from Kakashi and turned back to the group, forcing a smile.  “Having fun, guys?”

 

“We  were ,” Nobuya scoffed, though his smile was hard to miss even under his scars.  It seemed no one else had caught the shift in mood.

 

“C’mon, pink Cutiepie!” Suigetsu interrupted, flashing Sakura a sharp-toothed grin. “Let’s play strip poker.”

 

“What a great idea,” Kakashi said quickly, slapping his fist into his palm. Then, he stood up, helping Sakura to her feet. “Let’s go somewhere private, Sakura-chan.”

 

As Kakashi ushered her in the direction of their love nest, Sakura grimaced, red as a tomato. “Kakashi!”

 

“Don’t worry,” Harumi cut in, tone saccharine and a bold smile on her lips. “It’s not like we ever hear a peep from your tent.”

 

“Oh?” Kakashi replied, surprise so fake it made the group laugh just by itself. “See, Sakura-chan, I told you we could be more liberal with --”

 

Kakashi covered his head with one hand as Sakura tried to smack him repeatedly, until they were out of view.

 

No one could wipe the smirk from their face, so they just sat for a moment, throwing each other raucous glances from the corner of their eyes. If anything, Kakashi helped tremendously to relieve tension, which Inari would be eternally grateful for. 

 

“Ah, to be young,” Ichiro let out dreamily, though the laughter that rumbled in his chest afterwards was anything but. “I miss being a newlywed.”

 

Others joined in the laughter, but Inari felt crushed once more. It wasn’t so much the honeymoon that Ichiro missed. Even luck was two-faced now. Ichiro had survived -- hidden in the mist on a fishing trip with his crew -- but his wife and three children hadn’t, stuck at home. Really, Inari wished he didn’t know everyone’s stories anymore. At first, it had helped him feel closer to his people, fueled his desire to help them, but now, it only drained him. There was so much pain everywhere.

 

Silent, Inari stood up and headed for his own bed, answering absent-mindedly when the others called his name, “I’m really tired.  I’ll go to bed.”

 

...

 

Inari woke in a cold sweat, still caught between dreams and reality.  He'd been dreaming of one of the raids, and in it, a woman whom he hardly knew but used to sell his family bread had been screaming over and over as she was raped by an invader.

 

Within seconds, though, Inari determined that it must be the other way around, that whomever was screaming in real life had made him dream about the baker's wife whose cries he would never erase from his memory even after the raiders slit her throat.  And as soon as his befuddled mind had picked the situation apart, Inari leapt to his feet as he realized what must be happening.

 

"Suzuka!" he shouted, bolting forward towards her sleeping area, dreading the sight he knew awaited him.

 

As Inari knew she would be, Sakura had her head between Suzuka's legs, her face grim.

 

"Someone give her a belt to bite down on for crying out loud," Sakura snapped, not taking her eyes off her patient.

 

Quickly, Himawari cut off her belt, trying to gently place it in Suzuka's mouth.  Suzuka pushed the leather away, screeching again.

 

"Why won't it stop?" she cried, panting.  "Contractions are supposed to --"

 

Once more, Suzuka let loose an unholy wail, cradling her belly.  By now, everyone had gathered around, looking fearful, even the ninja.

 

Granny Atsuko began crossing herself and praying silently.  Rika, looking almost as pallid as Suzuka herself, took her boys and Hitomi and led them away, murmuring quietly to them.

 

Harumi glared at them both and fell to the ground beside Suzuka.  "You, dingbat!" she snarled at Sai.  "Make yourself useful and boil some water."

 

Nobuya handed Sai a pot and directed him to the fire, but Sai only looked at him in confusion before turning to Kakashi and Sasuke expectantly.  With a strange twisting of fingers, Kakashi filled the pan with water from thin air and Sasuke put his hand right inside, and immediately the water began to steam.

 

Harumi stared for a minute, and then shook herself to refocus.  "Himawari, go find our cleanest rags."

 

Himawari jumped to do as she said, looking almost as lost as the men -- almost as lost as Inari felt.  The only thing he knew was that the women, the only ones here who understood what was happening, all shared the same expression: worry.

 

"Suzuka-chan," Harumi said warmly, cradling the woman's pained head.  "Why don't you bite down on the lovely belt?  Just think of your son."

 

"Daughter," Suzuka choked out, finally taking the leather between her teeth.

 

"You know what I have to say about that," Harumi said, massaging Suzuka's temples.  "Better to hope for a son.  More than ever, this is a man's world."

 

Suzuka was overcome with pain again, and when she came to, she tore the leather out of her mouth again.

 

"Sakura-san, you're not saying anything!"

 

Sakura looked up, breaking her concentration.  "Harumi's right.  Just think of your child."

 

Even the men were starting to understand now.  Inari could see it on their faces as they shifted their weight and avoided one another's gazes. This was not a childbirth.

 

"Sakura-san," Suzuka pled.  "Sakura-san, I lied to you.  When we were counting, I didn't feel the ten kicks you said meant a healthy baby."

 

Sakura did not look surprised.  "How many, Suzuka?"

 

"One.  Just once."  Suzuka sobbed, still gasping in pain.  "She was sleeping, or tired, I thought --"  Her words dissolved into screams.  "Let me push, I have to push, this has to stop, I can't --!"

 

"No, don't push yet!" Sakura cried but it was too late; Suzuka was straining and tearing a hole in the sky with her screams of agony.

 

Even with only the moonlight to illuminate the scene, Inari could see the blood staining Suzuka's blankets.  Sakura's hands were slippery with it.

 

"Do something!" Inari yelled without meaning to.  "Anything!"

 

Sakura's eyes grew wide with panic.  "Inari, I --"

 

"Help her," Inari pleaded, his mind full of the image of Sakura with her green hands on Nobuya.  "Please."

 

Where was her magic now?

 

And then the green glow came, and it illuminated the clearing but most of all, Sakura's face.  She was crying.

 

"I have to cut you, Suzuka," Sakura said.  "I'm sorry."

 

"Just save the baby!" Suzuka yelled through gritted teeth, the last thing she said before Harumi shoved the leather back into her mouth.

 

Somehow, Sakura cut into Suzuka's belly using only her finger and the blood went from worrisome to grotesque.  Yet, Sakura's soothing green palms seemed to ease Suzuka's pain.  Before long, Sakura was handing a tiny red infant to Atsuko, who took it without question, grim-faced.

 

"Sasuke, the water," Sakura said, face warped in concentration.

 

Obediently, Sasuke set the pot of boiling water next to them.  Atsuko seemed to go through familiar motions, cleansing the baby, clearing its airway, waiting for cries that never came.

 

Harumi was sobbing loudly, still clutching Suzuka's head, who had long since passed out.

 

"All the rags were dirty but I found a clean shirt," Himawari announced, out of breath as she finally reappeared only for her face to fall when she realized she was too late.

 

"Can you save her?" Harumi choked.

 

"I'm going to have to perform a hysterectomy," Sakura said.  "It's our only chance to stop this bleeding."

 

"Then this baby will be her last," Harumi said, trying to gather herself.

 

"I only hope she forgives me when she wakes up," Sakura said, still too bound by the job in front of her to give in to emotion.  "But there was never anything I could do for him."

 

Atsuko still cradled the limp infant, not speaking, the wrinkles in her face more pronounced than they'd ever been.

 

"See, Suzuka?" Harumi said, touching foreheads with her friend.  "We were both right.  It was a boy, but it didn't bring him luck."

 

The green light flickered.  "Shit!"

 

It glowed steady again, and Sakura relaxed.  "That's it, baby Hatake...  Mommy has work to do now.  It is not time for a tantrum."

 

The light stuttered again, coming back dimmer.  "Shit, shit, shit!"

 

"What's happening?" whispered Inari, but the ninja's faces told him.  There would be no magic to save the day.  Not this time.

 

"Get me a fucking kunai!" Sakura shouted, holding out her hand expectantly.

 

Immediately, Kakashi provided, and just in the nick of time, for the light emanating from Sakura's hands went completely out.  Without it, the clearing seemed forebodingly dark.

 

They all watched Sakura struggle in silence, hacking at Suzuka's insides with a kunai.  It looked mad.  It looked like butchery.  And yet what other option was there?

 

"She's not breathing," Harumi said eventually, smearing blood on her face as she tried to wipe her long hair aside.  "It's over."

 

"No, no, no!"  Sakura scrambled to Suzuka's side and started attempting CPR.

 

Kakashi, who had never strayed far from Sakura, knelt next to her.  He put a gentle hand on her shoulders.

 

She only shrugged him off.  "Don't you dare."

 

"Sakura."

 

It was only her name he said, and in a plain, quiet voice, but it froze her head to toe.  Slowly, she sat back on her heels, face blank with shock.

 

"Why now?" she said, so softly Inari could barely hear her.  "Why  now ?"

 

With a single broken sob, Sakura buried her face in Kakashi's neck.  She was smearing blood all over him, but he didn't seem to notice.

 

"I don't know," he said.  "I don't know."

 

Inari looked from the dead baby to its mother, her body gaping open like a bomb had gone off inside.  The umbilical cord ran between them still, connecting them even now.

 

Somewhere, deep inside, from the moment he'd spotted Sakura and Kakashi that day by the crater, Inari had thought this type of thing would finally stop happening.  But ninja, it turns out, weren't really magic.  They were just people.

 


	19. Eclipse

Troublesome no longer sounded strong enough a word to describe Shikamaru’s everyday life anymore. Having to walk to the academy had been troublesome. Waking at the crack of dawn for missions was troublesome. Even sparring with Choji couldn’t be called more than troublesome. Waiting in a shed that didn’t deserve to be called a hospital while your girlfriend was having an abortion? All of that in a village that had been blown to bits and was struggling to get back on its feet? Now that was beyond troublesome.

 

Staring at the wooden planks of the wall, Shikamaru could feel the weight under his eyes grow as he blew out a puff of smoke. Without a doubt, he seemed zombie-like to any bypassers, although that wasn’t so unusual. These new cigarettes he’d started smoking tasted almost worse than the latrines smelled, but without an alternative available, he couldn’t bring himself to throw them away. When Temari’s steps sounded in the other room, Shikamaru wiped a quick palm down his face to erase any traces of uneasiness.

 

Temari opened the door and stood by him without a word, stoic as ever even if she looked a bit green.

 

“All done?” Shikamaru asked, hands on his knees.

 

Temari nodded, and so Shikamaru stood to head home with her. 

 

At the very least, they had both been relieved of their last daily tasks to allow them time for the procedure. Not having to worry about going straight back to work right now was more of a blessing than Shikamaru was willing to admit. Thoughts were racing through his mind -- not that they ever really slowed, really -- and occupied him too much to be able to focus on anything else.

 

“Did it hurt?” Shikamaru asked, steps in time with Temari’s uncommonly slow pace.

 

Temari scowled. “You ask that like it would make a difference.”

 

Holding in a sigh, Shikamaru frowned. “I thought you would appreciate my concern.”

 

After having stubbed his cigarette on the sole of his shoe and thrown it to the side, Shikamaru quickened his pace just enough to leave Temari a step or two back. Without a complaint, she followed, but from the corner of his eye, Shikamaru didn’t miss the tightness around her mouth.

 

Shikamaru could still hear his father tell him that women weren’t only trouble, that even the roughest woman was gentle to the man she loved. There were many times that Shikamaru doubted the statement. His mother had been one example of it, but he failed to see many elsewhere. Temari rarely opened up or dropped the stone facade, no matter how well they got along or how loud he could make her moan when they had sex. Getting through to her was a pain.

 

“It wasn’t so bad,” Temari said after a while, conceding only just barely. “It was nothing, really.”

 

“Alright.” Shikamaru nodded before stopping in his tracks to turn to her. “I have to go see Kurenai-sensei now, okay?”

 

Temari seemed to hesitate, worry flashing in her pretty eyes, but she nodded nonetheless. “See you tonight then.”

 

“Later,” Shikamaru grumbled, heading towards the northern exit of the village, where the quarantine area was.

 

…

 

The large wooden structure that served as a quarantine building was barely more inspiring than what hid inside. The planks had been haphazardly put together, the builders in such a hurry to get the infected away from their village but especially from their view, unsightly things that they were. From the exit, the building could be seen, though still a good distance from the village.

 

Shikamaru sighed. Truth be told, he had no desire to go anywhere close to anyone sporting scabs and other deformations. However calm and unaffected some pinned him to be, Shikamaru knew he was just as selfish as the next man. The sick were ugly, scary, and a threat. They were contagious and he didn’t want to be sick. He didn’t want Temari to be sick, or anyone else he knew. How convenient it would have been if this infection simply didn’t exist to begin with.

 

Again, Shikamaru let loose another sigh, shaking his head. If it wasn’t this, then it would have been something else. Life was troublesome that way. If it wasn’t your wife screaming into your ear, then it would be your boss. Or your roommate. Or anyone else. Trouble always found a way to you, no matter how well you tried to prevent it. That was a fact of life, one that Shikamaru loathed deeply.

 

Noticing the yellow and green spots in his vision, Shikamaru lifted his head to see Ino and Lee. After being infected himself, Lee was sporting horrible scars, leftovers from his scabs. Though his whole body had been afflicted, his face seemed to have been disfigured the most. Perhaps it was only an impression, as it was where one’s sight usually focused when talking to another. Even when evaluating attractiveness, the face came before the body, after all.

 

“Shikamaru,” Ino greeted softly, supporting a still weak Lee. “Are you visiting Kurenai-sensei again?”

 

Shikamaru nodded. “How are you doing, Lee?”

 

The previous night, Ino had been thrilled when she had announced that Lee would be released from the quarantine facility today. Of course, Shikamaru was happy for his teammate and friend, but it was hard to rejoice. Kurenai was still locked in there. Choji still looked like he might crumble into a pile of bones any second. Ino cried every night over Sakura’s departure, no matter how carefully she tried to hide it.

 

“I will be back to full health in no time,” Lee gushed, though his smile lacked its usual  youthfulness . “With Ino-chan there to nurse me back to health, I know I will be like new!”

 

Shikamaru was tempted to light another cigarette, but the acrid taste of the previous one still stuck on his tongue as if he’d swallowed the ashes. If he smoked another one so soon, he might as well add retching to his to-do list. “That’s always a good thing to hear.”

 

Ino was staring at Shikamaru openly, struggling to hide the hurt in her eyes. Shikamaru only wanted to groan and complain about how troublesome women were again, but he held his tongue, knowing better. Ino knew him well, perhaps better than anyone. Even if he wasn’t an extrovert to begin with, she knew how to interpret his lack of enthusiasm, was all too aware that something was wrong under the surface.

 

“Well,” Shikamaru said, breaking the tense silence. “I’ve got places to be.”

 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Ino called when he walked past her. “If you’ll just wait a minute, I’ll get Lee home and -- “

 

Shikamaru waved his hand at her behind his back. “It’s fine, Ino. Don’t worry so much.”

 

Although Ino didn’t say another word, Shikamaru didn’t need to turn around to know that she was staring holes in his back, wishing he would wait for her. What would it change anyway, if she was there? Ino’s presence wouldn’t erase the scabs that covered Kurenai’s body. It wouldn’t guarantee little Asuma a mother. Most of all, it wouldn’t ease the weight of failure on Shikamaru’s shoulders when Kurenai’s heart would finally stop beating. Shikamaru knew no blame would ever be placed on him for his sensei’s wife and son’s deaths, that there was absolutely none to place at all -- but that too, what did it change? Two more people he couldn’t keep alive and breathing. No matter how you presented it, the result was the same. 

 

Before Shikamaru even reached the door, the medic standing guard there retrieved a mask from his pocket and handed it to him. Shikamaru grabbed it and slipped it on mechanically, already used to the procedure. Kurenai hadn’t been there two weeks, but he’d already visited her several times, as had Ino. 

 

“Yuuhi?” the medic asked, even if he knew the answer.

 

Shikamaru nodded and followed the medic inside. As terrible as it appeared from the outside, the building was actually well laid out. The sick were in the back of it, while the front served for treatment and a small corner of it for visits. As per usual, Shikamaru sat on the bench by the wall, waiting for the medic to wheel Kurenai’s cot closer to him. Still, she was always a distance from him. Ten feet. Close enough to allow conversation, but also far enough to reduce the chances of transmission.

 

“You should stop -- “ Kurenai coughed, wheezing loudly.

 

Respiratory complications. Side effect of the disease, often signaling that the patient wasn’t on the way to recovery. Complications started a week after the infection, and only worsened from then on. Kurenai knew what would happen, Shikamaru was certain. Kurenai had never been a foolish woman. He wasn’t foolish, either.

 

“You should stop coming here,” she finally said, still covering her mouth with her fist.

 

Shikamaru observed her in silence for a moment. Kurenai had been a beautiful woman, always oozing sex appeal and certainly building a part of her career on it. As a kunoichi, it was to be expected, in a sense. It was hard to recognize this now repugnant woman as the sensual vixen so many men lusted after back in the old Konoha. Even if it was to be expected that scabs and pustules would have that effect on anyone, it remained shocking, somehow.

 

Back on track, Shikamaru leaned back against the bench. “I don’t have a choice.”

 

Kurenai smiled, the skin around her lips cracking. “Silly boy,” she sighed, before struggling to breathe once more. “You’re… you’re only putting yourself… at risk.”

 

Shikamaru closed his eyes, blocking the horrible sight from his view. “What should be done with Asuma Jr.?”

 

Kurenai remained silent, save for the loud noise that came from her throat whenever she exhaled or inhaled -- constantly. He could hear her hands fisting in the fabric of the sheet, and so forced himself to open his eyes again. Tears were welling up in her eyes, but as much was to be expected when discussing the custody of your baby following your death. Now that Temari had officially terminated the pregnancy, Shikamaru was relieved he wouldn’t be in a similar situation for a long time, if ever. 

 

“T-Take care of him,” Kurenai breathed out before coughing blood into her fist once more. Tears spilled from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks quickly. “Take care of him, Shikamaru,” she pleaded, struggling to hold back another coughing fit.

 

Shikamaru closed his eyes once more, drawing in a deep breath. Kurenai coughed again, the wheezing becoming louder and louder.

 

“Asuma would be happy,” Kurenai managed to whisper between two more coughs.

 

At least, he’d been in time to resolve the last legal matter. He could hear Kurenai struggling more and more for every breath, until he could only hear her cough, then wheeze when she tried to suck in more oxygen, only to fail. A medic rushed to them, screamed for more help, but Shikamaru didn’t budge. Even if they saved her now, how much would that prolong her life? A day? An hour? A few seconds?

 

When all the noise died down, Shikamaru stood. The medics talked to him, he knew, but none of it reached his ears. Instead, he walked away, not sparing Kurenai’s corpse a glance. 

 

…

 

Standing outside of the wooden building that served as the village’s headquarters during the day, Shikamaru sighed and closed his eyes. A moment to gather his thoughts was needed before he walked inside to pick up little Asuma and inform Hinata of her sensei’s death. Maybe Hinata would cry. In all honesty, he didn’t know her that well, even after having worked with her in close quarters for the last few months. Hinata was a very private girl and not prone to sharing, nice as she was.

 

Once he’d sucked in a deep breath, Shikamaru opened the door and walked straight towards Hinata’s office, where she would no doubt be playing with baby Asuma. Since Kurenai’s hospitalisation, Hinata, Choji, Ino and Shizune had taken turns caring for him. Counting the months that had passed by quickly in his head, Shikamaru calculated that Asuma was already nine months old. Only three quarters of a year old and already an orphan.

 

In front of the door of Hinata’s office, Shikamaru could hear her laugh with Asuma. Breathing out one more sigh, he knocked on the door, waiting for Hinata to call him inside before he opened it.

 

“Shikamaru,” Hinata greeted, nodding politely. She was sitting in the middle of the room, holding Asuma’s chubby hands as she played with him. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

 

Shikamaru hesitated, standing in front of her with his hands shoved in his pockets. This was the first official death he had to announce to someone. Deaths had been announced to him, he’d seen other people do it. 

 

“Kurenai-sensei passed away.”

 

His own voice felt foreign. Detached, even to his own ears.

 

Hinata remained mute, dropping Asuma’s hands. The baby was still giggling, waving his hands in the air cheerfully and trying to grab on Hinata’s still fingers.

 

“Hina! Hina!” 

 

Shikamaru couldn’t help but be surprised when the baby spoke up. He had spent very little time with it, and was entirely unaware of the progress that had taken place in his development. On the other hand, Hinata forced a smile, obviously used to this.

 

“Hi-na-ta,” she cooed, gathering the baby in one arm so she could stand up with it. “It’s Hinata.”

 

“Kurenai-sensei gave custody of Asuma Jr. to me,” Shikamaru said mechanically as he stepped closer to Hinata so he could observe the boy’s face.

 

Like Kurenai and Asuma, he had dark hair, though the light bounced off of it like it had in Asuma’s, a brighter, blue and grey shade. His eyes were practically carbon copies of Asuma’s, too, but the rounded cheeks and delicate nose were all Kurenai’s.

 

Hinata nodded, hugging the little boy tighter to her chest, one hand stroking his hair. “I can take care of him for the afternoon.”

 

Shikamaru shook his head and extended his arms. “I’ll be taking him in right now. I have some paperwork to get done and it’ll be easier if I have him with me.”

 

Again, Hinata nodded, though he felt the hesitation in her arms when she placed the baby in his own.

 

"No!" Asuma shrieked, reaching for Hinata and starting to cry.  

 

"It's okay," she cajoled, tickling his chin.  "It's just Shikamaru.  You know him."  To Shikamaru she said apologetically, "He's been doing this all week.  Just distract him.  It will pass."

 

Holding Asuma Jr. felt strange, but Shikamaru didn’t dwell on it, instead throwing Hinata a compassionate glance. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

Hinata tipped her head forward, but she didn’t speak again, so Shikamaru headed towards the exit. There was nothing he could say to Hinata that would relieve any of her pain. Just like when baby Asuma would grow up and demand to know what happened to his mother, he couldn’t give an answer that wouldn’t hurt the child. Life was bound to become more and more troublesome by the day.

 

…

 

On the way back to the dugout he shared with Temari, Shikamaru spotted Konohamaru sitting by himself, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes as they spilled. Shikamaru was tempted to sigh, but thought better of it. It was late, the sun was already setting down and Shikamaru hadn’t even had a second to have lunch or dinner yet, but he couldn’t simply dismiss the boy. Replacing Asuma Jr. higher on his hip, Shikamaru walked closer to Konohamaru. At least the baby had fallen asleep.

 

“Konohamaru,” Shikamaru called once he was just a few steps away. Konohamaru was sitting between two tents, seemingly trying to hide from bypassers. “What’s wrong?”

 

Konohamaru sniffed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. “What does it matter to you?”

 

“You’re Asuma’s nephew,” Shikamaru sighed.

 

It was the truth and he wouldn’t say more. Besides that single fact, he had no reason to care for Konohamaru, but duty to his dead sensei was enough for Shikamaru.  Konohamaru swallowed, staring at his shoes. 

 

“Udon died last month. Moegi died. Grandpa and Uncle are dead too.” Taking a small pause, he looked up to meet Shikamaru’s eyes. “I’m all alone and I can’t stand it here!” Fire seeped into Konohamaru’s voice, the anger and frustration in it burning through. “I just want to die and there’s no one left to even care! What’s it worth, if I only have to work in shit all day until I starve to death or get sick myself?!”

 

This was probably the longest day of Shikamaru’s life. The worst was that he knew it wasn’t about to be over yet. Baby Asuma wouldn’t be a bundle of joy to Temari. It was hard to even guess how badly she would react at this point.

 

“Stop whining, kid,” Shikamaru sighed, running a hand over his neatly tied hair. “It won’t help you.”

 

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Konohamaru shouted, spinning around to turn his back on Shikamaru.

 

Frowning, Shikamaru kneeled down by Konohamaru, placing a hand on his shoulder and gripping tighter even when Konohamaru tried to shake it off. “As useless as it is, I care,” Shikamaru said, enough to get the boy’s attention again. “I don’t have a choice, so I won’t let you be alone and make some idiotic mistake you can’t fix.”

 

Konohamaru blinked back tears, lips quivering as he stared at Shikamaru’s placid eyes.

 

“Choji can take you in his tent for the time being,” Shikamaru said, standing up again. “I’ll stop by tomorrow to fix something up for you, alright, kid?”

 

Tears streaked down his cheeks freely as Konohamaru nodded, eyes wide and full of confusion. “Okay.”

 

Shikamaru forced a grin. “Just don’t run off before I’m there, got it?”

 

Konohamaru nodded. “Got it.”

 

Satisfied with his reaction, Shikamaru turned around and headed towards his home again, praying that there wouldn’t be any more hurdles to jump today. With a kid on his hip, a suicidal teen behind him, a girlfriend that would most likely try to break his neck when he came home and a dead woman on his mind, Shikamaru wasn’t sure he could take on any more in a single day.

 

At the very least, baby Asuma was still asleep and didn’t seem like he would wake up anytime soon. Konohamaru had appeared convinced enough by his speech, so it was unlikely anything would go wrong tonight. It was hard to dismiss it as some teen’s pointless angst so soon after Tenten’s own suicide, but Shikamaru shook the thought away. He would be there in time and everything would be just fine.

 

…

 

Shikamaru was relieved when he penned the last of his signatures. As asinine as it felt, paperwork was still a must even in the current state of the village. Tsunade had insisted on it -- to keep things minimally organized, but also to retain a sense of  normalcy \-- but Hiashi was stricter on it. 

 

“Technically, we’d need Yuhi-san’s signature,” the clerk said, eyes scanning over every document for flaws, “but given that you’re also filing for her deceased status, I can override that.”

 

Shikamaru was tempted to sneer. Professing his deep gratitude was the sarcasm heaven he wanted right now, but as it might make the clerk less cooperative, Shikamaru kept his mouth shut. 

 

“Take this form to room 41-C,” the clerk finally said. “They’ll redirect the child’s appointed rations to you.”

 

Without a thank you, Shikamaru grabbed the sheet of paper and walked out of the room. At the very least, it was nice that Konoha’s infrastructure was finally receiving proper buildings -- if you could compliment it so -- but it didn’t ease the churning of Shikamaru’s stomach.

 

“Shikamaru-sama!”

 

If it wasn’t for the sleeping baby in one arm and the precious form in his other hand, Shikamaru might have thrown his hands in the air at the sound of Eichi’s voice. Instead, he turned around, staring his clanmate in the eye. Perhaps intimidation would work?

 

“Shikamaru-sama,” Eichi greeted, bowing politely. The man was twice his age, the respected right hand to Shikamaru’s father. “May I talk to you for a minute?”

 

Shikamaru nodded. Finding an excuse would be more trouble than enduring another talk. 

 

Once he led Shikamaru in a quieter hallway, Eichi wrung his hands. “Asuka is ill.”

 

“Your brother’s granddaughter?” Shikamaru said after a moment, the name somewhat unfamiliar to him.

 

Eichi nodded. “Hiashi has her working the pits, and..."

 

He didn’t need to finish his sentence for Shikamaru to piece together what he was trying to say. Shikamaru ran a hand through his neat hair, crumpling the form in the process. “Take her to Shizune. We retrieved antibiotics just last week, so she should be able to --”

 

“This situation needs to be fixed,” Eichi said, voice thick with the anger that shone in his eyes. “We’ve already all agreed -- you can take Hiashi down. No one will oppose it, with all you know and --”

 

“Eichi.” Eichi shut his mouth immediately, obedience to his clan leader ingrained in him even if it conflicted with his personal interests. “I’ve announced my decision already. There will be  no coup .”

 

“Shikamaru-sama,” Eichi tried, pleading. “You’re fit to be Hokage. You know it.”

 

Maybe he was. But the Nara were blinded by anger, by hunger, and even a lust for power, no matter how little they admitted it to even themselves. Shikamaru could see it clearly, slithering under every potent argument, but most of all under the feeble ones -- the excuses.

 

“I am no more fit than Hiashi at the time being,” Shikamaru repeated his previous speech. “I will  not destabilise Konoha further without warrant, is that understood?”

 

Eichi deflated before him and bowed again. “Yes, Shikamaru-sama.”

 

…

 

“You  what ?!”

 

Shikamaru sighed as he dodged a wooden bowl that Temari threw up at him, just as he had for the first… and the second, and the third.

 

“How can you accept such a responsibility?!” Temari screeched, control out whatever window had been installed in their dugout without his knowledge. “How can you bring a baby home when I just aborted my  own ?! You can’t expect me to care for it, can you?!”

 

Asuma was crying, struggling to escape Shikamaru’s hold against his hip. With how loud the baby was crying, it should have been hard to understand anything that Temari was shouting at him, but no. Instead, she found a way to scream even louder.

 

“Answer me!” she shouted again, throwing her arms in the air in frustration. “Say something!”

 

“ What do you want me to say?” Shikamaru ground out, bouncing the baby on his hip in hopes of soothing at least this one. “How am I supposed to refuse a woman’s dying wish, let alone when it concerns my sensei’s child?”

 

Temari’s expression softened somewhat, but it didn’t remove the angry tears that stained her usually beautiful face. “I can’t do it, Shikamaru.”

 

Shikamaru frowned. “Do you think that I can? What do you think I am, some superhuman?”

 

Shikamaru was well aware that Temari couldn’t do it, that he couldn’t do it all either. Only, he would do it all, because what other choice did he have?

 

“You’ve always been inhuman,” Temari grumbled, wrapping her arms around herself. “You’re not normal. I just can’t do it, Shikamaru. Can’t you understand that?”

 

“I love you, Temari,” Shikamaru said quietly, relieved when the baby finally fell silent. “I do understand. I don’t have a  choice . Can’t you understand that?”

 

Temari flinched and looked away, mouth downturned and lips shut tightly. “No.”

 

“Then that’s it?” Shikamaru spat, unable to keep his anger from trickling out. “Just like this?”

 

When Temari’s eyes slid closed, Shikamaru knew it was all over. Even before she nodded, he could tell. He could fight for her, tell her how much he loved her all he wanted, but it was over. Temari  didn’t love him. Not enough, at least. Perhaps if the world hadn’t gone to shit, they could have been happy, but life wouldn’t be like that. Instead, he was stuck caring for two orphans, an orphan himself with little left to keep him grounded.

 

“I’m sorry, Shikamaru.”

 

Before he could even process her words, Shikamaru felt the ground shake all around him, strong enough for him to stumble back and fall flat on his back. The moment he looked up, Shikamaru noticed the cracks forming in the ceiling. Before he could try to warn to Temari, the earth crumbled and fell towards him. Instinctively, Shikamaru rolled over, trapping baby Asuma under his body. 

 

“Shikamaru!” 

 

If he could hear Temari scream for him, it meant that he wasn’t covered by so much earth. Still, with the weight of it all on his back, Shikamaru’s arms shook under the effort it took to keep himself up so he wouldn’t crush little Asuma.

 

“I should have listened to Asuma-sensei and not skipped all that strength training, huh?” Shikamaru ground out as he glanced down where he knew the baby was, but could not see. 

 

Little Asuma restarted crying, probably spooked by the darkness and all the voices that raised outside. Their dugout was most likely not the only one to have collapsed. Squinting as sweat trickled down his forehead, Shikamaru forced himself to suck a breath in as he counted the seconds. The ground was still shaking with a tremendous force. As far he knew, this had to be one the first earthquakes in Konoha’s history. It just happened to be that he  had to be underground when it happened, right?

 

Panting, Shikamaru focused on counting the seconds that passed. Temari had sounded fine, so she would either get help or dig them out herself. It couldn’t be so long until they got him out of there.

 

One minute.

 

One minute and a half.

 

Three minutes.

 

Shikamaru could hear more voices shouting closeby. They were helping their neighbors, some Sand woman and her daughter. Just a little longer.

 

Four minutes.

 

Six minutes.

 

Seven minutes.

 

What was Temari doing? Surely, she wouldn’t be vengeful enough to leave him there? She might not have cared about little Asuma, but she wasn’t heartless.

 

Eight minutes.

 

Eight minutes twenty seconds.

 

Eight minutes thirty seconds.

 

Shikamaru’s arms were starting to go numb. It wasn’t true. He wasn’t inhuman. He was human, and his muscles would give out.

 

Eight minutes thirty five seconds.

 

Eight minutes forty seconds…

 

“Asuma-sensei…”

 

When the weight was lifted from his back, Shikamaru expelled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in, wincing as he felt how badly his lungs burned.

 

“Shikamaru!” Temari yelled, pulling the child from under him. “Shikamaru!”

 

Immediately, Shikamaru collapsed, panting, pain shooting through his whole body. It wasn’t unlikely that one of the rocks in the earth that had fallen on top of him had broken one or two of his ribs, from the feel of it. Not such a big deal.  He would survive. Asuma Jr. would survive. Temari was alright.

 

Temari rolled him on his back, palms cupping his cheeks. “Are you okay?”

 

Shikamaru nodded and forced himself to sit up. “I’m alright.”

 

“Thank god,” Temari breathed out, pressing a hand to her heart. 

 

Ignoring how badly his head spun, Shikamaru picked up little Asuma. “I’m going to sleep at Ino’s tonight.”

 

Temari protested, calling after him when he climbed out of the hole that used to be their home, but Shikamaru had had enough. Rest was the priority now.

 

…

 

“Shikamaru?” 

 

Ino’s eyes were as wide as they could get when she opened the door of her house to see Shikamaru standing there, little Asuma on his hip and both of them filthier than she’d ever seen them.

 

“Can I crash here tonight?” Shikamaru asked, wiping away some of the dirt that still covered his face.

 

“Of course,” Ino said, nodding quickly. “What happened to you?”

 

Ino would have felt the earthquake as well. Thankfully, their house had been solid enough to withstand the tremors of the ground.

 

When he stepped into her home, Shikamaru couldn’t miss the identical shocked look that Lee wore. Repressing a sigh, Shikamaru handed him the baby. “Can you take him for a walk or something?”

 

“Right away.” Lee was quick to take the baby from him before he placed a peck on Ino’s cheek. “I’ll be back soon, Ino-chan.”

 

Ino returned the gesture and waited for him to be out of the house before she turned back to Shikamaru, who was sitting in the middle of the room. “What happened to you?”

 

Shikamaru pressed his palms against his forehead, unable to keep his fingers from trembling. Ino noticed immediately and hurried to his side, cradling Shikamaru’s head in her arms as she hushed him quietly. 

“Are you okay?” she asked.

 

Still trembling, Shikamaru swallowed. “Kurenai is dead. I have custody of Asuma Jr. The dugout collapsed. Temari is fine. I’m fine. It’s over between us.”

 

Ino took a moment to take in all the information he had thrown out. Silent, she leaned her cheek against the top of his head, one hand stroking his hair affectionately, the same way she had after their sensei had died. Ino always took care of him and Chouji.

 

“It’s alright,” Ino whispered. “You’re okay. That’s all that counts.”

 

Shikamaru inhaled deeply. Ino was the complete opposite of him. She preferred to accept the pretty facts over the cold, hard truth. His life was insignificant in the grand scheme of life. Still, for what mattered to him and Ino, she was right. Without him, his burdens would be passed on to Ino and Choji. He was still alive, so he could still care for them all. It was all that counted.

 

…

 

As promised, Shikamaru had stopped by Choji’s tent first thing in the morning to visit Konohamaru. Ignoring the concerned looks that Choza and Choji threw him, Shikamaru led Konohamaru away so they could talk privately. He didn’t have the time to explain everything that was happening to them just yet, but he would, in time. 

 

“You’re going to live with me,” Shikamaru finally said when they were far enough from Choji’s tent. “With me and little Asuma.”

 

As if he knew he was being talked about, the baby gushed, babbling nonsense as his tiny fingers gripping Shikamaru’s flak jacket.

 

“What?” Konohamaru halted his steps, eyes wide and blinking. “Why?”

 

“So I can care for you,” Shikamaru sighed, turning to face the young boy. “You need someone to care for you and train you. I will.”

 

“Why?” Konohamaru’s voice was tiny, but somewhere in there, Shikamaru could hear his relief and gratitude. 

 

A purpose was what they all needed. Something better than moving shit between pits.

 

“I have to go to work now,” Shikamaru said, shifting the baby onto his other hip. “I’ll be going out of the village for a few days tonight, so stay with Choji a little longer, alright?”

 

Konohamaru nodded, but he looked no less baffled.

 

“I’ll finalize some arrangements before the end of the day,” Shikamaru added, letting Asuma nibble on one of his fingers when he started to fuss, “so just hang on tight until I get back.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Shikamaru didn’t wait for him to say more before leaving. He was already late for work and Hiashi would be in a piss poor mood for sure.

 

...

 

Just as expected, Hiashi was breathing down his neck the moment that Shikamaru had set foot in the building.

 

“What are you doing with this child?”

 

Shikamaru sighed. “I have custody of it. Do you have a problem with this?”

 

Hiashi’s face was hard. It always was, especially since he had been made Hokage. That man didn’t deserve the title. True, he was highly skilled and the most capable man of running the village after Kakashi at this point, but that didn’t make him a better leader. It didn’t make him more deserving.

 

“Then leave it at the daycare, like everyone else,” Hiashi demanded, deep frown lines etched into his face.

 

“So it can die of hunger or an infection?” Shikamaru scoffed, opening the door to his own office without sparing Hiashi a glance. “No thanks, Hokage-sama.”

 

“Show your Hokage respect!” Hiashi growled, forcing Shikamaru to turn around by grabbing his shoulder. “You will obey the rules we have set!”

 

“Respect?” Shikamaru chuckled, shaking off Hiashi’s hand. “You mean like the way you respected Tsunade-sama?”

 

Shikamaru knew he was losing his cool, that he was still shaken from the previous night and that he should just walk away without a word, but he couldn’t. Things had to be made right, somewhere. He might as well start with this.

 

Hiashi fell silent, jaw clenched.

 

“You preyed on her like a vulture the moment she showed weakness,” Shikamaru said, saturated anger bleeding into his tone.

 

“You insolent brat!” Hiashi growled. “I will demote you immediately for disobeying orders. You are a Konoha ninja and you should act as such.”

 

“The rules apply to us all, Hokage-sama.” Shikamaru’s lips twitched in a smug smile. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be so hard to have you demoted as well if I made public every one of your schemes with the children’s facility. People have always had a soft spot for children. It’s fascinating. Don't forget you're surrounded by vultures just like she was."”

 

Every parent in the village was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They all worried for their children. They all knew that children were falling ill, and that not enough was done to care for them. If one of Konoha’s highest ranking letting them know that the lack of care was Hiashi’s fault, it wouldn’t take them long to take up arms and defend their flesh and blood. Hiashi knew it.

 

“Keep your mouth shut,” Hiashi ground out, eyes teeming with anger. “You’ll never know your place, bastard.”

 

Defeated, Hiashi walked away. Shikamaru sighed, kicking the door closed behind him. He had attacked Hiashi, so it was only fair that he take a jab at Shikamaru. Talking about his parentage was a low blow, though. What did it matter if his father impregnated a woman when he was married with another? As far as Shikamaru was concerned, his father had done what he could to make it right by divorcing his first wife and marrying his biological mother. His previous relationship was none of their business.

 

Fighting to keep the bitterness down, Shikamaru breathed in deeply. It didn’t matter. They were no longer alive. Nobody truly cared that he was only half Nara. As soon as he had displayed his skills with his clan’s techniques, no one talked about it anymore. He was Nara enough.

 

Certain that Hiashi was far enough by now, Shikamaru exited his office and walked across the hall to Hinata’s. She didn’t take long to answer the door.

 

“Shikamaru,” she said, bowing slightly before she allowed him inside. “Do you need anything?”

 

Shikamaru nodded, patience wearing thin and not in the mood for social niceties. “I know you’ve been helping the villagers that have run away with the patrols you organize.” Hinata’s eyes went wide, and she tried to protest, but Shikamaru didn’t give her the time. “Locating Kakashi’s group should be easy for you. I want to visit them.”

 

Several times already, he’d found evidence of Hinata’s secret operation. The supplies missing in the books, the amount of people who ran away, when they disappeared… it all fit perfectly with the duties Hinata was asked to carry out. Certainly, it wasn’t so hard for her coerce a few of clansmen to act on her behalf right under Hiashi’s nose.

 

Hinata nodded. “I-It’s already done. I was going to go visit them tonight. You can come along.”

 

Shikamaru smirked, bouncing baby Asuma on his hip. “Good.”

 

…

 

Shikamaru hardly knew what to make of Hinata at times. Traveling with her at his side through the night to go meet their clandestine group of friends was a rather silent ordeal, save for little Asuma’s occasionals cries and babbling. Of course, this didn’t come as a surprise. Hinata was almost always mute. Still, there was something about her silence that weighed on Shikamaru. Hinata had a lot more to say than it appeared.

 

While his lips didn’t move or hint at his thoughts, Shikamaru was inwardly smirking. Her little smuggling ring was a juicy subject on its own. Hinata was very careful not to leave any traces, but truth be told, he had discovered it weeks ago already. If he only opened his mouth about it to Hiashi, it would be put to an immediate end. 

 

Of course, he had no reason to do that. 

 

Everybody profited from her, technically, illegal doings. Any resources entering Konoha were to be declared, categorized and then put into storage to be used at the right time. Hinata’s patrols didn’t obey that rule, though. It wasn’t even that hard for them to, as they weren’t meant to be gathering anything on their rounds, only to guard the village. Nonetheless, Hinata was smart enough to enroll the right people and without a doubt used her position as Hyuuga heiress to get them to do her bidding. 

 

An extra two guards here and there didn’t surprise anybody. People were being robbed and attacked left and right, after all. They were doing their part protecting Konoha, in the end, by  patrolling a little further than they were supposed to and salvaging what they could either from the wild or abandoned villages.

 

Hinata was far more intelligent and daring than any of them had ever pegged her to be. Then again, maybe that was how she got away with all of this.

 

“Are we almost there?” Shikamaru asked, scanning their surroundings quickly.

 

“Still a couple hours.” Hinata grabbed Asuma’s hand when he extended it towards her and she played with him, a small smile visible on her face even in the darkness of the forest. “I hope they’ll be happy to see us.”

 

“I can see how certain people might not be happy to know a Hyuuga’s coming,” Shikamaru chuckled, lifting Asuma higher on his hip when he started to slide down. 

 

Hinata let go of the child’s hands, avoiding Shikamaru’s eyes entirely. 

 

“I don’t hold it against you.” Shikamaru had been tempted to hate the Hyuuga for how they monopolized power in Konoha nowadays, but he knew better than to blame it on Hinata. Perhaps if she hadn’t worked so hard to help everybody else below her, he would have. “Hiashi is mostly responsible for it. You had no power to stop it.”

 

“Still…” Hinata sighed, a tiny sound of expelled air that was all too much like her. “I know Father is doing his best to help Konoha, but he does not see the wrongs he is committing.”

 

Shikamaru hummed quietly. Asuma was clearly falling asleep against his chest, his little head bobbing back and forth with every steps and hitting Shikamaru’s ribs lightly. As carefully as possible, Shikamaru unzipped his jacket and placed Asuma in it before closing it back up to right below the child’s nape, effectively securing him there. 

 

“I’m sorry we took your house,” Hinata said after a moment of silence, her tone dipped in quiet guilt.

 

Shikamaru grunted and shrugged his shoulders. “The Nara estate was reappropriated for rightful purposes. There’s nowhere else we could hold such large gatherings. The Hokage has always had the finest housing.”

 

“Your fellow clanmates don’t all feel so calmly about it.”

 

True, the Nara, the only clan besides the Hyuuga that had a substantial amount of members left, were not happy with the situation. Shikamaru understood them entirely, as he had lived his childhood in the estate and appreciated it immensely, but times were different now. The Nara estate wasn’t just a house anymore. 

 

“Are they giving you a hard time?” Shikamaru asked quietly, staring ahead.

 

“Not really.” Hinata shrugged, wrapping her arms around her body when a particularly cold gust of wind blew. “Some have been giving me the evil eye, but it’s nothing.”

 

Indeed, the Nara were being quiet in their political disturbances. The Nara had always been smart. It was better to wage war with whispers and rumors than with weapons, but Hiashi was also aware of this, as he had demonstrated with Kakashi. 

 

“I’m the head of the clan, now,” Shikamaru said, throwing a glance in Hinata’s direction. “They look up to me as the next Hokage.”

 

Hinata remained silent, eyes downcast at the grass they couldn’t quite see. 

 

“If your father keeps going in the same direction, I’ll have to do something about it. While it’s entirely an ideological dispute, I know too many agree with us. I know you do.”

 

“I understand.” Hinata nodded slowly. “If the time comes, I won’t try to stop it.”

 

“Good,” Shikamaru said.

 

The Nara wanted their home back, but why not take the village along with it? If Shikamaru hadn’t been the actual head of the clan, they might have gone for it. What did Hiashi have over any top-ranked Nara, after all? Thankfully, or at least, to his own eyes, Shikamaru lacked the drive to desire such power or prestige. Lack of ambition allowed him a clear view on his objectives and the state of affairs. Vanity would not motivate him to vie for the Hokage robes, but a starving and revolting population could. Perhaps he could not guarantee a better future, but he could keep the situation under control until a better candidate rolled about. 


	20. Supernova

October nights had always been Sasuke’s favorites. Chilly, but not so much that you had to wear a coat yet. A nice woollen sweater sufficed. Although said sweater was currently missing, the wool blanket wrapped around him and Hinata, paired with the heat coming from the fire they sat by, were enough for him not to miss the garment. The blanket had been a lucky find, really. They had walked by a house in the woods -- probably a hunter’s shed -- and found several supplies in it that would prove very useful.

 

Across the fire, Sakura and Kakashi were wrapped in their own blanket, very similar to Sasuke’s, curled up together to keep Sakura warm. Even with Kakashi’s jonin jacket over her sweater, Sakura had shivered until Kakashi held her to him. The slight flush darkening Kakashi’s cheeks above his mask made it obvious that he was too hot, but he made no move to free himself regardless.

 

Suigetsu was once again alone, as Juugo was sharing the last blanket they’d found with Inari, but this time he wasn’t complaining about either the lack of a female body or the cold. Inari’s dog was sitting across Suigetsu’s lap, panting happily while Suigetsu’s hands rubbed large circles on the dog’s back. Chuckling to himself, Sasuke watched them for a while longer. Suigetsu seemed like he was about to doze off right where he sat, eyes drooping and hands moving languorously.

 

Only a few hours prior, Hinata had popped out of nowhere, with Shikamaru tagging along. The visit had been a complete surprise, but Sakura had been thrilled to hear news of the village, even if they’d left barely only a month ago. Shikamaru had taken Kakashi away from the group to discuss important matters, and of course Sasuke had found a way to eavesdrop on the conversation. 

 

The other civilians had taken to their tents by now. Shikamaru and Hinata were yet more ninja that made them all uncomfortable, and they knew that they weren’t welcome to the information that was to be shared, so they provided privacy willingly. Suzuka’s death had quieted them all as well. Harumi spent the longest with them, most comfortable with Suigetsu’s constant nagging, it seemed.

 

“I’m glad you’ve been doing well by yourselves,” Hinata said, barely above a whisper so only Sasuke could hear it. Although everyone sat around the fire, a good amount of distance still separated them and made conversation difficult, but that was how they’d wanted it tonight. “I was worried about you all.”

 

Sasuke grunted, sparing her a quick glance. Hinata was curled up into herself, hugging her knees tightly as she stared into the flames. “We’ve all survived in the wild before. It’s part of our training.”

 

Shikamaru had retreated to Kakashi’s tent a while ago already, claiming to be exhausted.

 

Hinata nodded, turning her quiet gaze on him. “Yes, we learned to survive in it.” For a moment, she paused, watching an indeterminate spot on the blanket. “But don’t you think living in it is different?”

 

Perhaps his view on the subject was skewed, as he’d actually been homeless and living with what nature had to offer for several months. Sasuke hummed, offering a shrug of his shoulders. 

 

“I’ve always like camping,” Hinata added when he didn’t respond, affection flashing in her peculiar eyes as she toyed with a blade of grass she’d just plucked. “There’s something about the forest that has always soothed me.”

 

With a lazy eye, Sasuke watched the grass as it twirled between Hinata’s fingers. “It must be a Konoha thing.”

 

Just barely, Hinata’s eyes widened and her lips parted in a smile that expressed every bit of excitement she felt. “You’re like that too, Sasuke-kun?”

 

“Why are you so excited?” Sasuke chuckled, leaning towards her close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheek. “Is it so surprising that I enjoy a beautiful sight every now and then?”

 

Under his watchful eyes, Hinata’s cheeks turned a few shades darker, but she didn’t turn away. “Of course not, Sasuke-kun,” she said quietly, pressing her fingers to her lips. “It’s just… It’s unusual for you to talk about what you enjoy.”

 

Sasuke lifted an eyebrow, slightly amused by the hesitance in Hinata’s voice. “If you say so.”

 

Hinata’s lips pursed discreetly behind her fingers, his answer most likely unsatisfactory. “What else do you like then?”

 

Sasuke paused for a moment. Sakura and Suigetsu had dozed off against their respective companions, snoring quietly by the look of it. Kakashi had taken Sakura’s slumber as an opportunity to free himself from the hot trap the blanket had become, though he did so as carefully as possible so he would not wake her. Moving with just the same care, his fingers stroked Sakura’s hair, keeping her head on his shoulder whenever she leaned forward in her sleep.

 

“I like competition,” Sasuke finally answered, twisting his neck to face Hinata, who was looking up at him expectantly. “I like challenge.”

 

Hinata’s smile didn’t falter, eyes on the couple before them, watching the pair just like he had.

 

“You like company, too, Sasuke-kun.” Sasuke grunted noncommittally, but it didn’t deter Hinata. Instead, she threw him a playful glance, thin lips spread into a larger smile. “You like my company.”

 

Curiosity piqued, he leaned towards Hinata again, brushing his cheek against hers while he placed his lips near her ear, taking an extra second to appreciate the feel of her skin against his. “So forward of you, Hinata-chan,” he chuckled. “Arrogant, even.”

 

Against his cheek, Sasuke could practically feel the warmth of the blush that had surely colored the entirety of Hinata’s face, though she laughed quietly. “But you’re not really trying to tell me I’m wrong.”

 

Repressing a sigh, Sasuke moved away, letting Hinata have her own personal space again. “Do you want me to say I hate you?” he joked, one corner of his mouth raising in a smug grin.

 

“I’m cold, Sasuke-kun,” Hinata said, rubbing her arms up and down her arms, even if they were covered by a thick sweater already.

 

“Come here, then.” Though he was slightly taken aback, Sasuke didn’t miss a beat either in his answer or wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders when she scooted closer to him, pressing her side into his. 

 

With Hinata now curled up against him as closely as Sakura was against Kakashi, Sasuke didn’t miss the knowing look Kakashi threw him from the other side of the fire. Sasuke only scowled, narrowing his eyes. Inari and Juugo were lost in their own conversation, paying no mind to what was happening around them. Although Sasuke couldn’t understand what was so engrossing about small mammals, he was all too glad for the extra privacy, for what it was worth.

 

Ignoring the way Kakashi feigned a newfound interest in a strand of Sakura’s hair, Sasuke turned his head to look at Hinata, watching her as she leaned her cheek against his shoulder, closing her eyes. There was little not to appreciate about her pretty face; her eyes were beautiful even if a bit on the freakish side, her round cheeks nothing but cute and endearing, her lips even more enticing when they were parted in relaxation as they were. 

 

It was almost a shame that Sasuke had been too young to notice such traits before he’d left. Had he been his current age, Hinata might have been enough to make him stay. For a while, at least. 

 

Through half-lidded eyes, he continued observing her when his fingers tipped her chin towards him so she was forced to look at him. Hinata offered no resistance, moving the way his hands directed willingly. She was watching him intently, pink creeping up her cheeks as she waited for him to move. Hinata wasn’t dumb. Wrapped in a man’s arms, body so close to his, she knew what would happen long before he even looked at her that way.

 

Just as expected, Hinata didn’t protest when Sasuke pressed his lips to her, the fingers that had caught her chin snaking up to cover her cheek and blocking their kiss from Kakashi’s view. Hinata tensed in his hold, but she didn’t move away, instead timidly mimicking his movements. With the sweet taste of her lingering on his tongue and her body warming his senses, Sasuke couldn’t help but lean further, instincts kicking into full gear. Even if on one side, Sasuke wished he could get rid of such a troublesome hunger, the truth was he couldn’t give up the high the adrenaline rush induced. 

 

When Sasuke tried to deepen the kiss further, Hinata whimpered and pulled away -- as much as she could with his hand tangled in her long locks and refusing to let go. “This is a little too… public,” she breathed out, shy eyes looking up at him.

 

Sasuke only nodded and stood up, gathering the blanket in one arm while he helped Hinata up with the other. “My tent is warmer anyway.”

 

Under the hand he placed on the small of her back, Sasuke could feel Hinata tense, but it was too trivial a detail to focus on when he could clearly see the smirk that Kakashi hid under his mask. Doing his best to not throw some witty insult at Kakashi, Sasuke kept walking with Hinata, focusing on her instead. It wasn’t that hard to do when she clasped her hands together against her bosom, only making her large breasts more noticeable.

 

Once they were inside his tent, Sasuke slid the zipper closed. Hinata was sitting behind him, audibly fidgeting with her sweater. Licking the tips his teeth, Sasuke inhaled quietly to calm himself down a bit. If he just pounced on her, he’d probably scar her for life or something.

 

“Don’t be so nervous,” Sasuke said as he scooted closer to Hinata, running a hand up her arm. “Come here.”

 

Lips tight, Hinata obeyed, standing on her knees to come closer to him. When she stopped barely within his reach, Sasuke placed his hands on the back of her thighs and pulled her to him, until she sat in his lap. Hinata was still hesitant, but Sasuke’s hands remained confident as ever while they slipped under her sweater. Feeling her tense further, Sasuke held back a sigh. Hoping to compensate, Sasuke caught her lips between his, distracting her with small kisses. Fortunately, Hinata started to relax against him, molding her body to his as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

Only now, she allowed him to deepen the kiss. Kissing had never been one of Sasuke’s favorite ways to get into it, but it seemed to work well for Hinata. Her breath was coming shorter and shorter, and she even whimpered into his mouth when he brushed his tongue against hers.

 

Satisfied with the results, Sasuke resumed the movements of his hands, sliding them up her body until he was able to remove her sweater. Hinata’s thighs tightened their hold on his waist, but she was quick to kiss him again, barely giving him the time to see what she kept hidden in those annoying sweaters.

 

Grunting into the kiss, Sasuke hoisted her up so he could lay her down her on her back, earning a yelp from her when her skin touched the cold material of the tent’s floor. Standing on his knees, Sasuke took a moment to observe Hinata. As expected, her cheeks were a bright red, but the hazy look in her eyes was more than enough to light a spark in Sasuke’s belly. Taking his time, he lowered his gaze. Her breasts were larger than he’d expected. Definitely much larger than Emi’s, though the small curve of Hinata’s waist certainly resembled her own. Again much like Emi, Hinata was all softness. Unlike Sakura, Emi and Hinata didn’t have toned and hard bodies. Running his palm up Hinata’s belly to her neck, Sasuke breathed in slowly, enjoying how her flesh depressed under his touch.

 

“Take this off,” Sasuke ordered, tugging at the center of her bra, an old and worn garment.

 

Hinata visibly swallowed, but did as he asked nonetheless. While she removed it, Sasuke stepped back to pull her pants and panties off, deciding that he wanted a full view all at once rather than bits and pieces. Hinata’s legs tensed and clamped together, though only for a second, the shock of being undressed wearing off quickly.

 

Before he looked back up at her body, Sasuke could feel the excitement return, his heart beating more rapidly again. The sight was no disappointment, for sure. With her long hair splayed around her, Hinata looked every bit like the snow angel he’d imagined her to be. Her breasts fit the rest of her perfectly, the darkening of the skin on her nipples barely noticeable. Pale as she was, it was hard not to mistake her skin for actual snow when it was contrasted with the dark material of the tent.

 

Patience wearing thin, Sasuke leaned down, propping himself up on one arm while he kissed her again. Unlike with Emi, he knew he couldn’t simply do as he pleased. If he was too brusque, he might scare her away, so the kiss was an acceptable compromise. Hinata reacted positively as she had prior, arching her body into his. Certain she wouldn’t recoil now, Sasuke pressed his open palm to one of her breasts, pushing it against her chest until he met too much resistance. Satisfied, he kneaded it between his fingers, testing the feel of her flesh carefully.

 

Thighs locking around his hips, Hinata whimpered lowly as she fisted her hands in his shirt. Sasuke inhaled slowly as he nipped on her bottom lip, grinding his hips into hers so he could press his growing erection to her core. Just now, he realized he had forgotten to undress as well. Giving a weak grunt of frustration, Sasuke pulled away to take his shirt off in one swift move, annoyed by the goosebumps that rose on his skin when the cold air touched it. 

 

When he leaned down again to try and nip on Hinata’s neck, her cold hands stopped him, pushing against his chest and earning her a hiss from Sasuke at the unpleasant sensation. “Wait.”

 

“What?” Sasuke sat back on his heels, watching Hinata through slightly narrowed eyes. 

 

As usual, she shrank under his gaze, clasping her hands against her chest. The impatience and annoyance he hadn’t tried to hide in his tone were more than enough for her to hesitate to speak, but after taking a deep breath, her courage returned. “I want to see you, too.”

 

Sasuke couldn’t help but frown and stare at her for a second, almost startled when her shy fingers brushed against the skin of his of his abdomen and up to his chest. Watching Hinata as her hands touched more of his skin, Sasuke relaxed. While Hinata certainly lacked the predatory look some girls gave him, she seemed no less interested.

 

“You have goosebumps,” Hinata said, a cute smile stretching her lips. “Are you cold? Let me get the blanket.”

 

The moment she tried to sit up and reach for the blanket behind him, Sasuke caught her hand and pushed her back on her down. “No need.”

 

With little patience left, Sasuke hovered over her once more, losing no time to press his lips against Hinata’s neck before scraping his teeth over the skin lightly. Hinata trembled gently under him, breath hitching. Her thighs tightened their hold against his hips, allowing him to press his erection against her harder, the warmth of her he could feel was more than enough to create a pleasurable wave to flow through his body. Hinata hummed uncertainly, but nonetheless wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding his body to hers tightly.

 

Encouraged, Sasuke repeated the motion, grinding his hips into hers. If he had been cold just a minute ago, he didn’t remember it, the prickle on his skin replaced by the itch to keep going, the impatience to get what he wanted. Against Hinata’s neck, his breath bounced back, warming his cheeks further. Groaning when Hinata finally responded with a roll of her own hips, Sasuke bit the skin of her neck, knowing full well that it would leave a mark.

 

Hinata yelped and tugged on his hair with a reflexive flick of her wrist. “Sasuke-kun!”

 

Sasuke inhaled sharply, mouth moving down to suck on one of her nipples while the hand that wasn’t supporting him closed around Hinata’s hip, nails digging into her skin.

 

“Sasuke-kun!” Hinata repeated in alarm, her own fingers closing around his hand. “You’re hurting me.”

 

Sasuke paused for a second. With a silent sigh, he slid up her body to catch her lips in another kiss, coming to the conclusion that she would be distracted enough by this. Still, when his nails scraped harder against the sensitive skin of her hips, Hinata yelped again and squirmed under him, pushing him away enough so that he could no longer feel the warmth of her sex against his.

 

“What are you doing?” she asked, tone accusatory.

 

Sasuke sat back on his heels again, breath heavier than he would have liked. “What is it?”

 

Hinata’s eyes hardened, narrowing just barely, but still more than enough to surprise Sasuke. “It hurts.”

 

Baffled, Sasuke only stared at her, running his hands up her side, needing to feel her skin to keep himself focused. “And?”

 

It was Hinata’s turn to look confused. Quickly, she caught his hands in hers and held them over her stomach, forcing him to still his movements. “I don’t like it, Sasuke-kun. Could you be more gentle?”

 

Her demand bothered him, but Sasuke couldn’t help but smirk, loving the charm behind her voice, even when she was trying to be strict. “Maybe.”

 

From the look of it, his answer didn’t reassure her much, but she didn’t struggle when he brought her hands to the knot of his pants. Slowly and ever so uncertain, her fingers untied the knot before her pretty eyes looked back up at him for directions. Losing no more time, Sasuke slipped out of the last of his clothing before resuming their previous position. As he ground his hips into hers once more, Hinata gasped in time with his groan. 

 

Panting against her neck, Sasuke slipped a hand between their bodies to align his shaft with her entrance, anticipating the rush of pleasure when he would finally sink into her. Hinata didn’t agree though, only adding to his frustration when she clamped her thighs together and blocked him access. “What is it?”

 

Hinata’s cheeks were a darker shade than ever. “I-I thought you were supposed to… touch me?”

 

If it hadn’t been for the release his body demanded, Sasuke might have just up and left then. Hinata was being more trouble than she would be worth in the end if it kept going this way. “What do you want me to do?”

 

Refusing to speak, Hinata pursed her lips tightly together and pushed down on his shoulders, leading him lower. 

 

Sasuke arched an eyebrow, taking the opportunity to give one of her breasts a quick nip. “You want me to go down on you?”

 

Although it had been more of a complaint than an offer, Hinata nodded and he could feel her arch into him slightly, seemingly excited by the prospect. Sasuke sucked in the sigh he almost expelled and slid lower down her body until his chin rested close to one of her inner thighs. At least Hinata was clean and smelled nice. She had access to running water in the Nara estate, after all.

 

Hiding any discomfort and hesitation he felt, Sasuke spread the lips of her sex with the fingers of one hand, taking his time to observe her before he gave a tentative lick to what he assumed to be her clit. Hinata tensed immediately, breathing in suddenly. Guessing he was headed in the right direction, he repeated the motion before sliding one finger into her entrance slowly. Hinata gasped again, bucking her hips against him weakly. 

 

Carefully, Sasuke pressed the flat of his tongue against her, moving it in slow and small circles while his finger imitated the same motions inside of her. A moan escaped Hinata’s throat and her back arched off the floor slightly. Good sign, Sasuke assumed, so he continued his ministrations while watching her. The muscles of Hinata’s stomach contracted and relaxed in alternance while her fingers gripped what they could of the tent’s floor. 

 

When Hinata was panting as he had been, Sasuke pulled away and hovered over her, his nose barely an inch from hers. “I want you, now.”

 

Hinata nodded quickly, her cheeks flushed but in an entirely different way than they’d been earlier, the haze in her eyes having returned even thicker. Gently, her hands pushed on his chest again but Sasuke resisted, refusing to give in to another demand.

 

“Let me,” Hinata breathed out.

 

Reluctantly, Sasuke allowed her to roll him onto his back so she could climb on top of him. Though with some hesitance, her fingers wrapped around his shaft, thankfully much warmer than they’d been a few minutes ago. Hinata’s gaze was full of curiosity as she ran her hand up and down his manhood, varying the pressure as she tested the feel of it. Sasuke let his head fall back on the floor so he could focus on the pulsing that had returned in his groin. It wasn’t long before Hinata had worked up a small rhythm and Sasuke was bucking his hips to it, breath heavy once more.

 

When Hinata stopped, Sasuke’s head shot up to see what she was doing, all too satisfied to see she stood above his erection on her knees and aligning herself with it. Instinctively, Sasuke grabbed her hips and guided her, though with some difficulty as she put up some resistance. Still, when Hinata finally lowered herself enough, he slid into her without much trouble. Sasuke groaned as he let the pleasure wash over him, eyes still watching Hinata hungrily as she finally sat fully on him. 

 

Although Hinata seemed to enjoy the feeling as well, her expression seemed more conflicted, hesitating between pleasure and discomfort. “It’s different than I expected,” she whispered, cracking an eye open to glance at him. 

 

Sasuke only grunted, helping her raise her hips so he could do the same and thrust in her again. Hinata yelped in surprise, but she didn’t resist. Not for a little while, at least. It wasn’t long before she locked the muscles of her legs and refused to move.

 

“Too fast,” she panted, resuming a slower pace. “It hurts.”

 

Sasuke expelled a long breath, letting his hands fall to his sides. If she was going to complain so much, he might as well give up on trying to make her do what he wanted. Satisfied, Hinata continued moving, letting out a few moans of her own which were enough to make Sasuke forget about his frustration.

 

Even slow as she was going, it wasn’t too long before he felt his abdomen tense and the telltale throbbing starting in his groin. “I’m going to cum,” he grunted before hurrying to roll them around so he was on top. 

 

Hinata gasped again, but relinquished all control to him easily. Just a few thrusts of his hips later, Sasuke groaned as his climax washed over him and he pulled out of her, watching the way his seed spilled over her stomach, only adding to the electricity coursing through his nerves. 

 

Sighing in satisfaction, Sasuke rolled to the side, splayed on his back. Silently, Hinata followed him, lying on her side with her head on his chest. Sasuke wrapped his arm around her delicate frame without a second thought, closing his eyes as he regained control of his breathing. Ever so quaint, Hinata’s fingers played on the skin of his chest, brushing and ghosting over it almost sensually.

 

Sasuke glanced down at her, grabbing her hand in his much larger one. “Where are you sleeping? Sakura probably won’t mind sharing a tent with you.”

 

Hinata’s brows raised in a soft arch, her mouth parted open in a cute manner. “I thought I could sleep here, with you,” she said after a moment’s hesitation.

 

Sasuke hummed, thinking over it for a second before he nodded. “That’s fine.”

 

Once he came down from his high entirely, Sasuke sat up to gather his clothes, putting on only his pants and underwear before slipping into his sleeping bag, the blanket already spread on top of it. Hinata didn’t take long to follow him. 

 

…

 

Dark as it was, Sasuke could tell the sun was still far from rising, but he was wide awake nonetheless. Sighing, he slipped out of the sleeping bag as carefully as he could, preferring to avoid waking Hinata so he could skip providing an explanation. Quickly, he found his clothes and put them on in perfect silence.

 

The sweater he had to wear belonged to Kakashi. One of the many standard jonin sweaters that Kakashi always wore, which he had been lucky enough to be given a few extras of. Just like he could skip the lines for his food, Kakashi had been privileged when it came to personal supplies. Besides the single fact that it was Kakashi’s shirt, and a good deal too large for Sasuke, he despised wearing it due to the lacking Uchiha insignia. Of course, he still kept his old shirt, but it was sporting many new tears and was far from warm enough for the current weather.

 

With another sigh, Sasuke crawled out of the tent to go sit by the coals of the fire. The moon was high in the sky, allowing a minimum of lighting even if it wasn’t enough to see a few feet ahead. 

 

“Can’t sleep?”

 

Sasuke squinted his eyes as he looked straight ahead of him, able to make out the shape of Shikamaru’s silhouette now that he tried. “Neither can you, I assume.”

 

Shikamaru was smoking, Sasuke could see it from the small ring of embers that burned brighter when he took a drag of it. “That tends to happen when life is shitty.”

 

“I heard everything you told Kakashi,” Sasuke said, feeling goosebumps rise on his cheek when a breeze blew by.

 

“Heard anything interesting?” Shikamaru chuckled, blowing out the smoke he had inhaled. 

 

“Konoha won’t get back on its feet with a leader like Hiashi.” Sasuke grunted, pulling his collar higher. “Even Kakashi would have done a better a job.”

 

“Warms you up a bit,” Shikamaru said, leaning forward to offer his cigarette. Sasuke took it without a word, not hesitating to inhale the smoke even if he knew how terrible it would taste. “That’s your way of saying you would do a better job, isn’t it?”

 

Sasuke huffed, feeling the smoke burn its way back up his lungs. “Hiashi is as old-fashioned as they come. There’s no better time than now to change everything.”

 

“I agree some change could be beneficial,” Shikamaru answered as he took the cigarette back. “But what could you do about starving children? No matter how you want to see it, Hiashi’s decisions are pretty much the best we can do.”

 

Sasuke frowned. “You seemed to think differently when you were speaking with Kakashi.”

 

Still, Sasuke wondered. What would he really do differently? No matter how much he disliked to admit it, he couldn’t find a better solution. If he allowed more rations to everyone and every child, then their stores would be depleted in no time and they would die either of starvation or cold as soon as winter hit them. There was no denying that there needed to be casualties if they wanted their village to survive.

 

Nonetheless, Sasuke couldn’t accept it. 

 

“It’s not his plans that I can’t stand,” Shikamaru mumbled. “It’s the schemes. The lack of empathy and heart behind them. He doesn’t hesitate to let people die for the greater good. It’s dangerous. Tsunade-sama knew better.”

 

Sasuke looked up at the sky, staring at all the stars he could see. Each and every single one of them brought its own light in the darkness, was important in its own way. Naruto had always bet everything on that one glimmer in the night, that chance that the smallest hint of light could make the difference, and he had been right to do so. In the end, all of his gambles had paid off and saved more lives than sacrificing today’s fire for tomorrow’s uncertain spark ever did.

 

“What does it matter?” Sasuke chuckled. “If they’re all dead come winter, saving food today will have killed them.”

 

“It’s a gamble,” Shikamaru said with a shrug. “I can’t take either side as I can’t guess the outcome.”

 

“Everyone is on the edge of collapsing from hunger,” Sasuke scoffed, leaning back on his hands to sit more comfortably. “Add in the cold and a lack of wood…Don’t be surprised when everyone freezes to death.”

 

“Tough choice, isn’t it?” Across from him, Sasuke could feel the tiredness weighing on Shikamaru’s shoulders. “Whatever you do, you’re on the edge of falling in the next trap.”

 

“Wouldn’t you rather avoid today’s trap and hope you find a way to avoid tomorrow’s before you fall in it?” It wasn’t a better strategy per se, but at least it allowed for hope. That was why they had left Konoha, after all. They could feed themselves now if they left, and then hope they found a way to fix everything else before it killed them. “I know I would.”

 

Shikamaru chuckled before he stood and dusted himself off. “You know, you wouldn’t have been a half bad Hokage yourself.”

 

Before Sasuke could respond, Shikamaru had already returned to Kakashi’s tent, leaving Sasuke by himself to contemplate his answer. It had been an impulse to say he would become Hokage, but it had grown into more than that. Konoha was no longer his enemy. If he truly wanted to keep Sakura around and protect her, then he would need to protect Konoha as well. He would need to find a way to make sure that the village thrived and could provide for them all.

 

…

 

The morning light that filtered through the tent, weak as it was with the clouds that seemed to cover the sky every day lately, was more than enough to wake Sasuke. Grunting, he stretched his limbs, squinting his eyes. When his hand bumped into Hinata’s shoulder, he turned to take a look at her. She was slightly disheveled, but not as much as he would have expected after the evening they’d had, but also the middle of the night romp he’d cajoled her into a few hours later. Hinata was still naked. Before falling asleep, she had tried to put her clothes back on, but Sasuke had asked she remained naked.

 

In her sleep, Hinata had slipped out of the covers a bit, exposing some of the snowy skin of her back to him. Libido not quite calmed yet, as evidenced by his body as was usual in the morning, Sasuke smirked and pressed his palm to the small of her back, running it up her skin to her shoulder before he straddled her. 

 

Hinata grumbled a few unintelligible words before twisting her neck to catch a glimpse of him. “Sasuke-kun?”

 

“Shh,” Sasuke breathed in her neck, pressing his erection to the curve of her ass. 

 

When he pulled her hips up, Hinata yelped, but didn’t try to move away. Instead, she didn’t take long to whimper when his hands kneaded the soft flesh of her ass carefully. Slowly, taking his time to enjoy the feeling, he thrust his hips into Hinata’s, loving the way her butt cheeks felt around his shaft as it rubbed between them. 

 

Sasuke leaned forward, ghosting his lips over the skin of Hinata’s neck. It seemed Hinata had a similar sensitivity there as Emi had had, though he needed to be much more gentle. “You can fall back asleep,” he rasped, tone mischievous.

 

Hinata whimpered, hips arching back into his whenever he pressed against her. After being denied immediate access to her body twice for not paying her intimate parts any attention beforehand, Sasuke didn’t feel like going through the hassle again. Needing no coercion, he slid one of his hands down the curve of her hip to the mound of her womanhood. Listening attentively for her any cues Hinata would give him, he rubbed slow and gentle circles against her clit with his thumb. Hinata didn’t take long to give into his touch, trembling under him and whimpering into his pillow.

 

If he had played a game with Emi, it couldn’t be that hard to play one with Hinata. He wanted Emi to beg him to stop, but Hinata would beg him to fuck her. It would certainly be a pretty sight, seeing shy and sweet Hinata demand that he take her.

 

“You sound like you’re enjoying yourself, hm?” Sasuke breathed against her ear, brushing his lips against it as he spoke. “Tell me what you want to me to do to you.”

 

Hinata’s breath hitched audibly and she gasped, her head rolling back to rest on Sasuke’s shoulder. Still, no words came from her throat. Not satisfied by her reaction just yet, Sasuke ran his hand from her ass to her throat, closing around it gently while he still ground his hips into her. If he kept going long enough, just this could probably send him over the edge. He could already feel the tightness in his belly, the fire spreading to the rest of his body.

 

Still, that wouldn’t be enough. Not this morning.

 

“I haven’t heard anything,” Sasuke growled in Hinata’s hair, the hand that had been on her neck now tangled in her hair, tugging a few strands carefully. “Don’t be so shy, Hinata-chan,” he added, emphasizing the syllables of her name as he always did when adding the suffix.

 

Hinata shuddered under him, moaning a tad too loud. The walls of the tent weren’t thick by any means, but then again, what did he care if she was heard?

 

“Don’t stop,” Hinata managed to grind out, jaw clenched in pleasure.

 

“Don’t stop what?” Sasuke teased, wolfish smirk into place. Careful not to go too far, he rubbed his erection against her sex, slipping between her outer lips with no trouble thanks to the already plentiful lubrication. “This? You want to be teased, don’t you?”

 

Trembling under him, Hinata tried to hold back a moan, only to fail miserably. When he pressed the head of his erection against her entrance, she moved her hips back, trying to make him enter her. She did manage, but only barely before Sasuke pulled back. As much as he hated distancing himself from the burning pleasure that this simple touch sent through his nerves, hearing her whimper and grumble in protestation was all too worth it.

 

“What is it that makes shy Hinata-chan tick, hm?” he rasped against her neck, placing a few urgent kisses on it as he resumed sliding his erection between her lips, needing to hold back a moan himself. Perhaps he was imagining it, but she felt hotter than before.

 

“I want you!” Hinata finally groaned, arching her back and hips into him so far that Sasuke idly wondered if it was painful at all for her spine.

 

“That’s not enough,” he growled against the back of her ear, stilling the movements of her hips forcefully with both of his hands so he could align his shaft with her entrance without running the risk of her rushing his plan.

 

Hinata whimpered loudly, probably both from the loss of his teasing on her clit and the teasing of his erection just barely entering her.

 

“Stop being so shy,” Sasuke whispered in her ear, his leveled voice betraying none of the doubt he felt about his self-control at this point. “That’s all you’ll get if that’s how you want to be.”

 

“Fuck me!” 

 

All too happy to hear the words, Sasuke sank into her, breath lost in his throat when he felt how hot she was around him. Expelling all the air that was trapped in his lungs at once, Sasuke stumbled forward before catching himself on one of his hands, taken by surprise by the pleasure that shot through his spine. Hinata’s reaction wasn’t much different, albeit louder and sharper than his. 

 

Eyes shut tightly, Sasuke pulled back before thrusting back into her, settling into a fast, but not rough, pace. Every time he sank into her fully, Hinata moaned, head thrown back against his shoulder. It wasn’t long before her shaking hand guided his free one between her thighs. Although a bit slow to comprehend what she wanted when he was struggling not to come too soon for his own liking, Sasuke restarted rubbing his thumb against her clit as he had before.

 

Quickly, Hinata’s moans became louder and he could feel her thighs shaking against his, the muscles of her abdomen tightening against the side of his arm.

 

“Sasuke-kun!” she ground out before her arms gave out under her.

 

Immediately, Sasuke felt her clamp around his shaft, triggering his own climax before he even realized it. Instinctively, he tightened his hold on her, pressing her body to his as he curved his back to slide deeper into her. Sasuke groaned loudly, almost brokenly, eyes wide at the intensity of the pleasure that rushed through his whole body, most of it focusing one pulsating point in his groin. 

 

When the high he was in started to subside, Sasuke collapsed on his back at Hinata’s side, inhaling and exhaling sharply as his abdomen still contracted and relaxed against his will. Turning his head to glance at Hinata, a smirk worked its way on his lips when he saw she seemed to be in the same state he was in. 

 

Hinata took a little longer than him to recover, allowing him time to regain his composure before she turned to face him, a shy but mischievous smile on her sexy lips. “T-That was nice, Sasuke-kun.”

 

Sasuke chuckled, running his fingers through his tangled hair before he sat up to get dressed. Now that he wasn’t drunk on lust, he could clearly hear the others out and about in their tiny camp. It wouldn’t be such a surprise if they had all heard what had happened in his tent. It wasn’t such a problem to him. If Kakashi felt the need to poke fun at him, then all Sasuke would have to do was point out how he’d also heard them having sex before he even found out Sakura was 

pregnant. Their tents in Konoha had been far too close for Sasuke’s liking. Hinata most likely wouldn’t be so happy about being heard when she realized it, though.

 

…

 

Another chilly October night, another night where sleep eluded him. Sasuke sighed, covering his eyes with his forearm. No matter how tired he was or how badly he wanted to sleep, he knew it wouldn’t happen so soon. Instead of fighting it again, Sasuke sat up and stretched his sore limbs, yawning before he stood up and exited his tent. Hinata didn’t stir, thankfully.

 

When he saw that the campfire was still lit, Sasuke wasn’t surprised to find Kakashi sitting by it. As much as he’d hoped to be alone, Sasuke nonetheless made his way to it and sat down across from Kakashi, glancing up at him as he did so. Knowing Kakashi, he’d probably up and leave right away.

 

"Sasuke." Kakashi pointedly avoiding looking at him, staring in the dwindling flames instead.

 

“Kakashi.” Just as Kakashi was avoiding looking at him entirely by keeping his eyes on the fire, Sasuke stared into the flames.

 

"Well, now that we're introduced..." Now, Kakashi looked at him, just barely, a wry smile under his mask.

 

Sasuke responded with his own smirk. “Nice weather, isn’t it?”

 

"You're bad at small talk."

 

“You’re not helping either.” Sasuke’s shoulders dropped, his mouth a thin and pale line across his face.

 

"You always needed help to talk to me." Kakashi poked the fire with a long stick, staring at it once more, though it didn’t do as good a job at hiding the underlying bitterness in his tone as he’d probably hoped. "I must have smashed your favorite tomato when you were little or something."

 

Sasuke paused for a moment. It wasn’t new that Kakashi’s humor was lost on him, but he couldn’t help but wonder what Kakashi was really trying to say. “Sakura’s belly has grown a lot lately,” Sasuke said, deciding they would get nowhere with Kakashi’s choice of metaphors.

 

"I wouldn't say that to her face if you fancy staying a prettyboy."

 

“She’s gotten the message across a few times already.” Sasuke gave a shrug, remembering how venomous Sakura’s tone became when he’d told her she would be triple her size before long.  “Doesn’t change that it’s true and there isn’t much time left.”  

 

"There's still time yet."

 

Sasuke was tempted to smack Kakashi over the head with one of the burning logs. More than any of them, he remained oblivious to the reality of Sakura’s condition.

 

“Sakura-chan didn’t seem to think so when she came to me crying.”

 

As much as Sasuke knew he was taunting Kakashi, he couldn’t help it. There was something to triggering Kakashi’s jealousy and anger that made him come back for more constantly. Maybe it had to do with forcing Kakashi to show more than his goofy side, to show the darker side Sasuke had only gotten glimpses of.

 

Predictably, Kakashi frowned, grip tightening around his stick. "There's a reason we came out here."

 

Sasuke simply nodded, slightly disappointed that Kakashi barely took the bait this time. “I’m just saying it’s coming fast. I don’t think Sakura is ready just yet.”

 

"I don't think the baby cares if she's ready."

 

“I don’t think so either,” Sasuke chuckled, glancing behind Kakashi to make sure Sakura wasn’t moving around in their tent. “At least the Hyuuga are out of our hair.”

 

"I'd say a Hyuuga was still in your hair, at least.  Or have I confused hair with pants again? Such an easy mistake." Kakashi’s tone returned to the raucous sort that had become common now that he spent so much time with Suigetsu.

 

Of course Kakashi would know what had transpired between him and Hinata the previous night. It had only been a matter of time before he threw a remark about it.

 

“You care what goes in my pants?” Sasuke chuckled again, leaning back on his hands. “Hinata isn’t hell bent on watching who Sakura sleeps with.”

 

"Not jealous at all, then?  That's an uncommon trait in women."

 

“Men can be worse when it comes to jealousy,” Sasuke said, tone even and quiet.

 

The jab was plain and open. For sure, Kakashi wouldn’t be able to resist this one.

 

"Speaking from experience, are you?"

 

Sasuke’s eyes locked with Kakashi, watching him intently. “What if I was?”

 

Again, Kakashi didn’t rise to the bait. He shrugged, looking back to the logs with a smug look on his face. "Things would be more complicated, I suppose.  For you."

 

Sasuke’s lips twitched into a grin. “Good thing things aren’t complicated then.”

 

Kakashi hid it well, but Sasuke could take a wild guess and know he was right. How much closer he had gotten to Sakura in the past few months had worried Kakashi, though Sakura seemed to have managed to ease the jealousy lately. That in itself was enough for Sasuke to wonder just how deep their relationship ran, but he didn’t prod further.

 

Kakashi grunted, poking the fire again to make the logs hiss and pop. "Is that so."

 

“It is so.” Relaxed, Sasuke spread his legs, enjoying the warmth of the fire through his clothes. “You don’t need to worry about her.”

 

"I don't." The animosity was back before it had even melted completely from Kakashi’s voice.

 

“Sakura talks a lot about you,” Sasuke said quickly, propping one leg up. The one thing he said that was entirely innocent, Kakashi managed to take the wrong way.

 

"She doesn't have much to say about you."

 

Sasuke frowned, but decided not to try and prove Kakashi wrong. “Are we really having another pissing contest?”

 

Kakashi sighed, giving in. "What does she say, then?"

 

Sasuke scoffed, taking his eyes off Kakashi so he could stare at the fire. “Do you really need me to repeat how painfully in detail she describes how handsome you are under your mask?”

 

Kakashi laughed, shaking his head. "I told you you were bad at small talk." It was as obvious to Kakashi that Sasuke had lied as if he’d told him the sky were on fire. "If you wanted to try and charm my mask off, you need some brushing up on your tactics."

 

Sasuke clenched his jaw, looking to the side. "I stopped wondering what was under the mask a long time ago. I know what’s under it.”

 

As always, Kakashi managed to deflect with humor. Even if it didn’t work with him, Sasuke wondered how he was able to do this so easily. Whenever someone steered the conversation somewhere that Kakashi disagreed with, he was able to divert it right back into a more comfortable direction with one light-hearted joke. Sasuke’s sense of humor was generally disliked, put people more on edge rather than distract them.

 

Kakashi waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "And what's that?"

 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, looking back up at Kakashi. “Cracks.”

 

Kakashi was joking, Sasuke knew it very well. Still, he simply couldn’t match his jokes. He didn’t want to.

 

Kakashi’s elbow slipped from where it was propped on his as he sat up straighter, stiffer. "Feeling like a good dose of projection today, are we?"

 

Sasuke chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “Maybe.”

 

"Masks don't exist without anything to cover, it's true.  But they're not always made of cloth.  Most of the time, they look like faces." Almost with too much warmth for him, Kakashi smiled.  "Sometimes, pretty faces."

 

Sasuke’s lips stretched in a small, awkward smile. He’d walked right into that one. “At least the pretty face is distracting.”

 

"For a time.  And then it fades." For a rare moment, Kakashi wasn’t taunting or teasing. He spoke honestly.

 

The muscles in Sasuke’s thighs clenched, ready to haul him up, but instead, he hesitated. For once, Kakashi sounded not angry, nor bitter. “Then what?”

 

Kakashi’s wry smile returned, challenging Sasuke to prove him wrong. "And then your cracks start to show."

 

Usual straight face in place, Sasuke stood up and dusted himself off. “I’ve got much more interesting things waiting back in my tent.”

 

Hinata was asleep in there, naked again. Still, Sasuke's pace was sluggish. Kakashi would surely have something to add to the conversation before he let Sasuke leave.

 

"Did you show her your cracks yet, Sasuke?  Maybe you should."

 

Sasuke stopped, turning just sideways so he could see Kakashi from the corner of his eye, brows furrowed. “Did you? Show yours to Sakura?”

 

"What do you think?"

 

Of course he had. There was a reason that Sakura was so close to Kakashi, and not so much Sasuke. Sasuke stared at the grass around his feet for a moment, uncertain. Moments of openness between him and Kakashi were few and far between. Grasping the opportunity while it was within his reach could be the right course of action to take. Maybe Kakashi would trust him enough to keep speaking.

 

“When did you?”

 

"I didn't have to.  She sees through masks.  Don't you know that by now?" Kakashi said, lighter than before even if his posture remained stiff.

 

Sasuke felt his body tense, but he did his best to ignore the slight anxiety that coursed through his mind. “I wonder if that’s such a good trait.”

 

As far as he knew, Sakura had willingly accepted him and lost her fear quickly enough. Kakashi could always know something about her that Sasuke didn’t know, though. What did she tell Kakashi about him when they were alone?

 

"I don't know.  I guess time will tell."

 

Sasuke allowed his eyes to slide closed, tightness gathering around them. “I’d rather know now.”

 

If Sakura was good at predicting psychotic breakdowns, she might as well tell him what he had coming. Then, maybe he could stop wondering who he was trying to convince.

 

This time, Kakashi’s face smoothed and he offered a sympathetic smile. "Life doesn't work that way, little Sasuke-chan."

 

Sasuke grit his teeth. He had never been patient, and it was certainly a flaw, but was there anything so wrong about needing to know how things would turn out in the end? “Which one are you placing your bet on?”

 

"I've never been a betting man."

 

Sasuke scoffed. Obviously, Kakashi would avoid the question. “You’re terrible at small talk.”

 

Immediately, Sasuke spun on his heels and headed for his tent. Kakashi was a coward, in the end. Once, he had bet on the wrong outcome, and now he wouldn’t try his hand at it again, regardless of the effect he could have on the result.

 

"I guess I am."

 

Most likely forever, Sasuke would wonder what Sakura found to love in Kakashi. Certainly, he was biased, but he saw little to appreciate so deeply. Maybe he had just been lucky. With him and Naruto gone, it had left Sakura with no one but Kakashi to cling to. He could hardly blame her for relying on Kakashi, in the end.

 

With a scoff, Sasuke returned to his tent.

 

…

 

Once Shikamaru and Hinata were gone, the camp slowly returned to its normal routine over the days. Even after such a short disturbance, some of the camaraderie between Inari’s group and Sasuke’s had dissipated. Sasuke didn’t mind it, as he preferred not to meddle with the civilians, but it made for less than pleasant travels.

 

What Sasuke cared about was that Sakura still played the  let’s pretend Sasuke is a ghost game and it didn’t seem to be coming to an end just yet. Kakashi made it hard to ever talk to Sakura, never giving her a moment’s peace, especially when Sasuke was too close.

 

So, Sasuke recognized an opportunity when he saw one. Kakashi was busy with Ichiro, who was showing him how to make fishing knots. Nobuya was on their tail, hounding for the moment his knowledge could come in useful. In the meantime, Sakura had retreated in her tent, supposedly tired. With no eyes on him, Sasuke slipped inside the tent quietly.

 

Before he was inside, he heard Sakura whisper to her belly, “I’m sure you’ll like it out here. Aren’t you impatient to see what the world looks like? Is that why you’re kicking me so hard lately?”

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura started and turned to stare at him, one hand resting on her swollen belly, holding it for her own comfort. “Oh, Sasuke-kun. I didn’t hear you.”

 

“You were talking to it again,” Sasuke said as he sat by Sakura, not waiting for her to invite him. 

 

“To him,” Sakura corrected, tapping her stomach.

 

Sakura often avoided looking at him now, since the night of the incident, and since that night in a river that should never have happened. Things were looking up, in fact, before his nightmare, but it disappeared as quickly as a ghost then. 

 

“What makes you say that it’s a boy?” 

 

Sakura gave a quick shrug, offering him a reluctant smile. “Just a hunch.”

 

For a moment, they were silent. Sasuke didn’t know what to say to bring Sakura out of her shell, so he didn’t say anything, and Sakura didn’t try. 

 

“You can’t avoid talking to me forever, Sakura,” Sasuke finally said when he’d had enough of her faking interest in her baby bump.

 

The corners of Sakura’s lips were pinched, barely visible lines in her forehead kept nearly invisible with her stubbornness to not tell him what she thought. “We’ve already talked about this.”

 

“No, we didn’t,” Sasuke said. “Even if we did, you’re clearly not fine.”

 

Sakura’s cheeks filled with color as her chest swelled, even if she kept her temper under control. “So what? Do you think I’ll be all sweet and coddle you just because you apologized?”

 

“You haven’t even told me  why you’re angry,” Sasuke retorted. “You keep saying it’s not my fault.”

 

“Well, maybe -- maybe it’s more complicated than that.”

 

Sasuke could clearly see the way Sakura deflated in the beginning of her sentence, completely changing what she had meant to say. “Then tell me.”

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura sighed, a hint of pleading in her voice. “Just let it go.”

 

Sasuke knew that if he let his voice carry too much, Sakura would shut him out even more, but most of all, they wouldn’t be left alone, so he tried to remain quiet. “I’ll let it go when you stop looking at me like  that .”

 

“I can’t!” Sakura turned away from him, lips quivering as she tried to rebuild her facade. “Do you think you’ve made this  easy for me?”

 

“I’m doing what I can, Sakura,” Sasuke said, reaching for her shoulder but she shook him off. “I’ve said I made mistakes --”

 

“That time, on the bridge with Karin -- was that a mistake?” 

 

Sasuke’s throat clamped shut for a moment. Sakura only talked of the future or their present, but she’d avoided their past until now.

 

“And then, again, when Naruto saved me? Still a mistake? For -- for the  river , that’s also a mistake? What about your nightmares?”

 

“Sakura, you know I was  wrong -- “

 

Sakura didn’t allow him to finish. Her chest was rising and falling too quickly with her strained breaths, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “You don’t  tell  me  anything . You just want me to be there and be happy that you are. Why can’t I be  hurt ?”

 

Refusing to give in when she struggled, Sasuke drew her in a tight embrace, tangling one of his hands in her hair as he pressed her forehead to his shoulder. Sakura hiccoughed, choking down her real sobs as she pummelled his chest with weak punches.

 

“I thought you knew,” Sasuke said into her hair. 

 

“That doesn’t take it all away, Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke closed his eyes, teeth clamping down on the sides of his tongue as he held Sakura tighter. “I can’t take it all back, Sakura.”

 

“I know,” she huffed into his shirt, pulling away from him. “So just let it go.”

 

Sakura avoided him entirely again, eyes focused on a spare shirt of Kakashi’s while her hands fondled her belly. Protest built in the back of his throat, but Sasuke opted against it. Nothing he could say to Sakura now would erase her resentment or her pain, so Sasuke stood up.

 

“I’m sorry, Sakura,” he said as he ducked to exit the tent. “I really am.”

 

...

 

As the days passed, Sasuke found himself shedding a layer or two. October had started chilly, but had quickly warmed up to a latent kind of heat, which stuck to his skin like his sweat when he couldn’t decide the right amount of clothes to wear. 

 

Suzuka’s death had shaken everyone up, Sasuke could tell, but they were slowly returning to their usual routines. Most of all, Sasuke was surprised by how deeply affected Sakura had been. Better than any of them, she knew the risks and possibilities. More than all of them, she was most at risk, without a medic to tend to her. Sakura’s impending labor pestered him more than Sasuke would have liked, but it was inevitable, with the lack of proper care.

 

Inari seemed to have digested the blow the hardest. These were his people, after all. Though, after the boy’s attempt at murder, Sasuke cared little. He didn’t retaliate to comply to Sakura’s wishes, but, expectedly, Sasuke had little patience for brats running around dangling kunai above his head. Most of all when they liked to play pretend leader. 

 

In the corner of his eye, Sasuke caught a glance of Himawari. Himawari always provided a welcome distraction, either with the dangerous way she handled her knife, or how subdued she immediately became when he talked to her.

 

“Did Suigetsu just catch that?” Sasuke asked as he walked towards Himawari, busy tying a deer up in order to hang and bleed it.

 

Himawari shook her head, small strands of her black hair slipping out of her hair tie. She was cute like that, hunched over the carcass. “Daichi and Juugo did. Daichi’s becoming a good hunter thanks to him, I think.”

 

Sasuke hummed, standing by her. Himawari was without a doubt the one who held his attention the most within their new group. In a way, she reminded him of Hinata -- right down to the name. Their hair and faces were similar, all feminine softness, but that was where the similarities stopped.

 

With a huff, Himawari stood and threw the other end of her rope over a branch, then grabbed it again. After inhaling deeply, she pulled, the muscles in her thin frame showing clearly.

 

“I’ll do that,” Sasuke offered as he stepped behind her, easily reaching above Himawari’s hands to relieve them of the weight.

 

Himawari stumbled a step back against his chest when Sasuke took on the full weight, but she didn’t let go of the rope just yet. “It’s okay, I can do it myself.”

 

Sasuke chuckled, not missing the adorable pinkness of her cheeks as he pulled the animal up. Stubborn, she didn’t let go of the rope. “You have a thing against behind helped?”

 

With obvious reluctance, Himawari finally let her hands fall away from the rope, but she didn’t move away, somewhat trapped by Sasuke’s arms. “I’m just used to doing this. I did this all the time back in my father’s shop.”

 

“With better tools,” Sasuke said, lifting his arms over Himawari’s head to go tie the rope to the tree. “You’re going to hurt yourself doing it this way.”

 

“I guess I’ll just make you do all the work for me from now.” Lips twisted in a shy smirk, Himawari placed a bucket under the deer’s head before grabbing the knife perpetually sheathed in her belt. With one smooth movement of her arm, she slit its throat, watching the blood spill quietly.

 

Sasuke chuckled, smirking as he slipped his hands in his pockets. “I’m not that generous.”

 

“Aren’t you?” Himawari looked up at him from the blade she was wiping on the apron tied around her waist, cute smile on her thin lips. “You’re always helping Sakura-chan.”

 

When Himawari mentioned Sakura, Sasuke’s eyes shot up from her waist, which was always exposed when she was butchering, as she liked to tie her shirt up as high as possible on her ribs. It was always a nice distraction. “She’s pregnant.”

 

“That’s not the only reason you do it.” Carefully, Himawari replaced the knife in her belt. “You… appreciate her a lot.”

 

Straightening up, Sasuke stepped closer to her, lowering his eyes to meet hers. “Is there something you’re trying to tell me?”

 

Himawari’s eyes locked on his, though she instantly became a little smaller under his scrutiny. “No. It was just a thought.”

 

Sasuke hummed and turned to walk away from her, in the opposite direction of the group. Behind him, he could hear Himawari’s footsteps follow his. When he stopped to look at her over his shoulder, she stopped as well. “Why are you following me?”

 

“You’re always going off on your own,” Himawari said, biting her lip. “Why?”

 

After a second, Sasuke chuckled and resumed his walk. “Follow me if you’re so curious.”

 

Himawari followed him without hesitation, remaining silent behind him. When he stopped, Sasuke took a moment to inspect his surroundings, scanning for any threat or enemy. It was a habit that any good ninja had, but Sasuke knew that wasn’t where the compulsive need to check originated. It had after fleeing from Orochimaru. It was the habit of prey, the response to the fear of being hunted.

 

A few feet away from him, Himawari stood in silence, waiting for him.

 

Reveling in the silence, Sasuke breathed in deeply through his nose, relaxed by the plethora of familiar scents. The wood, the grass, the leaves, they all had their distinct smell and effect. The forest was always buzzing with life. Leaning against the trunk of a particularly thick tree, Sasuke felt the tightness in his muscles melt away.

 

With one hand, he motioned for Himawari to come closer. Obediently, she did. Once she was within his reach, she stopped, watching him intently.

 

“Are you scared?”

 

Himawari’s honey-brown blinked a few times, lips parting in mild confusion. “Should I be?”

 

Effortlessly, Sasuke gathered chakra in his left hand, letting it turn into crackling electricity that warmed his skin. Himawari’s jaw tightened, but she didn’t move. “You are.”

 

“We all saw you almost kill your friends,” she answered, her voice shaky but not breaking once. “You’re dangerous.”

 

All along, she met his gaze head on, reminding Sasuke of a deer staring its predator in the eye. Animal or human, the glint of primal fear shone all the same in their eyes. She was pretty like that, braving her instincts to run away. “Then why did you follow me here?”

 

“I was curious.”

 

Slowly, almost painfully so, Sasuke raised his hand and reached for her neck. His eyes remained locked with hers. They showed fear, but what hooked Sasuke the most was the determination in them, the way she held her breath the same way he would when anticipating his enemy’s next move. Just before his fingers could brush her skin, Sasuke stopped and licked his teeth, heart hammering in his chest. Then, he dispelled his chakra and placed his hand on her nape. Himawari expelled one quick, shaky breath as she closed her eyes, taking a moment to register that no pain came.

 

“You’re a strange one,” Sasuke said quietly, drawing small circles on her neck to feel the goosebumps there.

 

“How so?” Himawari opened her eyes to look at him again, voice lower and breath shorter than before.

 

“Why didn’t you leave?” Sasuke watched her attentively, taking note of every small change that came across her expression, from the beginning of an unsure smile to the tinge of excitement that sparked in her eyes.

 

“Because it didn’t matter.” Himawari breathed in deeply, relaxing her stance. “If you meant me harm, then you wouldn’t allow me to leave.”

 

Sasuke frowned. Himawari was lying to a certain extent, that much he could tell. However, it was what she didn’t want to say that bothered him. When he had toyed with Hinata like this, she hadn’t fought back or fled out of both trust and resignation. Sakura, on the other hand, had liked to confront and challenge that part of him. Himawari fit in neither of these. Himawari had felt a real threat -- he saw it in her eyes, clear as water -- but there was something in her that made her stay, something he couldn’t identify.

 

“So…” Redness spreading to her cheeks, Himawari sucked on her bottom lip. “Will you tell me why you come here?”

 

Carefully, Sasuke lifted his back off the tree and stepped behind Himawari, covering her eyes with one hand. “Don’t speak.”

 

Himawari nodded, swallowing visibly. With his chest so close to her back, Sasuke could feel the warmth radiating off of her. Even under his fingers, her skin was hot to the touch. With the temperature steadily decreasing in the last few days, it was almost worrisome that she’d be this hot.

 

“Listen.”

 

Sasuke closed his eyes. There were few sounds around them, but Sasuke heard them all. Any shinobi from the Leaf could. The forest was full of sounds. It was lulling, it meant safety. When the forest fell silent, then he would be on his toes. Silence meant danger more than any snapping of a twig could.

 

Today, the forest was loud. Full of life. Safe.

 

“Do you hear anything?” Sasuke whispered in Himawari’s ear.

 

Himawari shook her head, the tip of her ponytail brushing against Sasuke’s neck.

 

“You’re not paying attention,” Sasuke said before pulling his hand away. “There’s plenty to listen to.”

 

“So you don’t come here for the quiet?” Himawari turned her head towards him, yet again meeting his eyes. “I thought that was what people did.”

 

“No, I come here for the sounds.” Mindlessly, Sasuke tucked a strand of her hair that had fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. He was standing closer to Himawari than he had realized; enough to feel her breath on his cheek. Taking a step back, Sasuke slipped his hands back in his pockets. Himawari wasn’t another toy to play with. “Maybe you should go back.”

 

It would be interesting to mess with her, of course, but Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to even if another part of him was hungry for it. Hinata might have enjoyed his games for a moment, but she was the exception to the rule. Sasuke didn’t doubt that, if given the chance today, Emi would try to stab him in his sleep the same way Inari had. Even Sakura couldn’t bring herself to talk to him after what he’d done.

 

…

  
  



	21. White Swan

The amount of food that was placed in front of her for every meal never failed to sink a weight in Hinata’s stomach. She knew she should have been glad for the favored treatment, but she simply couldn’t be. Not when Misa, her maid, had lost even more weight since Sasuke’s visit. Somehow, Misa still managed to set the table before them without a hitch, no matter how bony her fingers became or how unnaturally pale her skin turned, even for a Hyuuga. 

 

“Thank you, Misa-chan,” Hinata whispered, glancing down at her full bowl of chowder. 

 

The last summer harvest had yielded great results, easing the worried whispers of famine in the camp for the time being. For this, Hinata’s chest swelled with happiness and excitement. While meat was still sparse, cow’s milk was becoming more readily available. The smell of the chowder filled her nose, made her stomach growl. The generous amount of cream in it would fill their bellies better than any watered down stew ever could.

 

“Misa.” Hiashi’s voice rang as heavily as it always did, cutting through the silence of the room effortlessly. “You are dismissed. See to it that Hinata’s bedroom is clean tonight.”

 

“Y-Yes, Hiashi-sama,” Misa said quickly before she scurried out of the room.

 

If only her father hadn’t been there, Hinata could have saved part of her meal for Misa. 

 

Hanabi expelled a loud sigh, all with the lack of courtesy Hinata wished she had. Both of them were tired of their father’s incessant show of authority. While Hinata remained quiet and kept her eyes on her food, Hanabi fearlessly frowned and scowled, sighed and complained. 

 

“Stop it, Hanabi,” Hiashi breathed out, shaking his head. “I’ve already explained this to you many times.”

 

“I still think it’s bullshit,” Hanabi growled, chopsticks digging into her bowl of rice. “If you showed people you cared sometimes, maybe they wouldn’t be whispering like that behind your back!”

 

“I do what I must to keep you both fed.” Hiashi frowned, the lines in his face much harsher than his voice. “If it weren’t for everything I did, we would all be in the camp with them, dirty and hungry.”

 

“Maybe that’s how it should be!” Hanabi screeched, standing up abruptly. “I’m tired of watching everyone else suffer while I stuff my face!”

 

Before Hiashi could say another word, Hanabi stormed out of the room, though not without her food. The days of forfeiting a meal over petty anger were long gone, even in Hinata’s family. Back so stiff it nearly hurt, Hinata didn’t move, staring down at her food instead. 

 

“Hinata?”

 

“Yes, Father?” 

 

Hinata forced her voice to remain even and natural, camouflaging her nervosity. A glance up at Hiashi showed her an unusual, albeit not unknown, side of him. The angry lines on his forehead had smoothed somewhat, softened in regretful wrinkles that did nothing to make him look any younger.

 

“You know that I mean it, don’t you?” he said, tone mellowed in what Hinata had learned to recognize as affection. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

 

“I know, Father.”

 

The silence between them was empty, as it always was whenever they happened to share a space alone together. 

 

“This chowder is good, isn’t it?” Hiashi said, turning hopeful eyes on Hinata. “The Akimichi have always been great cooks. I remember when I was younger… Having Choza on my team was always a blessing.”

 

Hinata swallowed her mouthful soundlessly, enjoying the rich flavor of the cream that still coated her tongue afterwards. “You’re right, Father.”

 

…

 

As soon as Hiashi had dismissed her from the dinner table, Hinata had headed straight for Hanabi’s bedroom, where she would certainly be sulking. Hinata’s sister always withdrew to her room to recover after an argument with their father. Walking through the halls of the Nara estate still felt so strange to Hinata, so unlike home. Even if she had always felt trapped in the Hyuuga estate, it retained a special place in her heart. 

 

“Hanabi-chan?” 

 

When no answer came from the other side, Hinata slid open the door just barely, only enough to peek in. 

 

“Misa-chan,” Hanabi whispered, cupping Misa’s cheeks in her pale palms. “Don’t be so upset. You’re not going to lose your job, I told you already.”

 

“B-but, he’s always -- he’s always passing snide comments about my work,” Misa choked out, wiping away fresh tears. “What will I do if I lose my job? The other girls my age are working the latrines!”

 

Hanabi sighed, rubbing her thumb against the skin under Misa’s eyes. “Father would never let a Hyuuga work such a lowly position. It would be unfit.”

 

Misa’s sobs quieted gradually, until they barely reached Hinata’s ears anymore.   
  


“I hate that my father abuses his status for us,” Hanabi said quietly, eyes locked with Misa's with such affection in them that Hinata couldn’t help but frown in curiosity, “but I’m grateful that it keeps you safe and healthy, here with me.”

 

“Me too, Hana-chan,” Misa answered, lips twitching in a small smile. “I don’t know what I would do without you now.”

 

“I love you, Misa.”

 

Hinata started, clutching the handle of the door harder with one hand while the other flew up to muffle the sound of her gasp. Cheeks blazing, Hinata stepped away from the door, scuttling away before she could hear more, until she was far enough to sprint away undetected.

 

…

 

The more days flew by, the earlier the sun would set, gradually shrouding Hinata’s visits to Kurenai’s grave in more darkness. As she sat on her heels by the decorated stone that marked where Kurenai was buried, Hinata could feel the sun warming the back of her neck, a rare occurrence so well into the month of October.  The leaves in the trees had turned different pigments for a while already, now falling off their branches in the quiet of the evening. It wouldn’t be so long before wearing a sweater wouldn’t be enough to keep her warm.

 

Hinata’s lips twitched in a defeated kind of smile, the smile that somehow forced itself on her when everything felt hopeless and too much to take on -- laughing, in a way, at the ridiculousness of the situation and her powerlessness to change any of it. What a cruel twist of fate the last several months had been. From finally discovering what she was capable of and Naruto acknowledging her to  this .

 

To this day, she wondered why Kiba hadn’t woken up. What had been so different between him and all the other wakers? What did he lack that the others possessed? He’d always been the one to cheer her on, push her forward out of her comfort zone so she could grow into something more than an incapable woman. How could he not have been strong enough?

 

Hinata sighed, running her fingers over the grass that had finally started to grow in the dirt of Kurenai’s grave. Fresh and soft, cold with the chill of the air and leftover raindrops. 

 

After a moment, Hinata turned her head to look at her side, finding Ko just where she had sensed him. “Are you worried about me, Ko-kun?”

 

Ko simply nodded, standing stiffly. “You’ve been coming here a lot lately.”

 

Hinata’s eyes dropped back to the blades of grass her fingers still toyed with. “I’ve had a lot to think about.”

 

Ko didn’t speak again. Hinata couldn’t remember him being any different in all the years he had been her bodyguard until the war. Ko would never hesitate to show his concern for her, often beyond the scope of a what a simple assignment commanded. 

 

“Sit with me.”

 

Ko made his way to her in silence, sitting in the same manner she did a few inches to her side. 

 

Like Neji, Ko had demonstrated the abilities of a genius from a very young age. Still in his early teen years, he had been deemed skilled and capable enough to be her guard, a few years before she graduated the academy. Hinata had always looked up to him with admiration, whether it was because of his prowess as a ninja, or the compassion and care he always expressed for her. 

 

Glancing at her side, Hinata could see him sitting still, keeping an eye on her in his own way. “I’m glad you’re still with us.”

 

Even if the Hyuuga had had great luck when it came to the Infinite Tsukuyomi, many had fallen in battle prior to it.

 

Although he remained silent, Ko returned her affectionate look, a small smile on his lips. 

 

Even if his smiles were nothing like the to-the-ear grins of Naruto, Hinata had always appreciated them. They were always honest, so unlike the rest of the branch house who were so often stiff and filled with resentment behind their polite approach. Naruto had brought a breath of fresh air to the clan after his fight with Neji, something Hiashi had strongly disapproved of. 

 

“I miss Naruto-kun.”

 

From the corner of her eye, she could see Ko’s hands twitch in his lap, tempted to reach for her but instead remaining there, proper as ever. “I’m sorry, Hinata-sama.”

 

Hinata’s chest filled with one slow, long breath, then emptied in the same manner before she said, “It’s alright.” Placing her hands in her lap in the same manner Ko had, Hinata swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. “It’s been almost a year. The pain is still there, but it’s quieter now.”

 

Ko nodded, relief flashing in his pale eyes before he closed them. “We’ve all felt the same, Hinata-sama.”

 

“Have you ever been in love, Ko-kun?” 

 

The question clearly took him by surprise, leaving him with slightly widened eyes and a stiffer composure. “Yes.”

 

Hinata hummed, turning her eyes back to the grave. Kurenai had been in love, too, but even she hadn’t had so much time to enjoy it. “I thought I was in love for the longest time.”

 

“Didn’t you love Naruto-sama?”

 

Indeed, Hinata had believed for so many years that the affection and admiration she had held in her heart for Naruto had been true love. Today, after witnessing and experiencing much more than she had ever imagined she would before even her seventeenth birthday, Hinata didn’t believe it anymore. Perhaps, had she had the chance to spend time with Naruto, been able to truly get to know him, let him get to know her… then, it would most likely have morphed from a childhood puppy love to real love.

 

What Kakashi and Sakura had was true love. What Ino and Lee had was love as well. In its own way, the heated night she had spent with Sasuke was love, but not of the same kind. Hinata had always believed that love wore the same cloak; love was love and couldn’t be different if it was real. Yet, Hinata had been proved wrong so many times in the last few months that it had shattered the illusion. Even if Sakura and Kakashi never appeared to be more than great friends, she could feel how deep their bond ran now. They didn’t need to say that they loved each other or to hug and kiss for her to feel it. Beyond the casual exterior, their implicit understanding of each other and their companionship betrayed how deeply they really were in love. 

 

“I didn’t have the time to love him,” Hinata said, fingers fidgeting in her lap.

 

Ko nodded, lacking the surprised expression she expected. “Love isn’t so easy.”

 

Swallowing the sadness that crept up her throat at the thought of lost opportunities, Hinata turned to Ko. “What was your love like?”

 

Ko hesitated, eyebrows bunching together as he thought of his answer. “Quiet.”

 

“Quiet?”

 

Again, Ko nodded, though this time he looked straight in her eyes. “It’s always there, and it’s always driving me… but that’s all.”

 

Confused, Hinata frowned. “Who was she?”

 

With an uncharacteristic smirk, Ko chuckled. “You’ve become bolder since you’ve started frequenting Uchiha, Hinata-sama.”

 

Immediately, Hinata’s cheeks took on a crimson color. “W-what are you talking about!”

 

“Especially since you visited him a few weeks back.”

 

Hinata pursed her lips in embarrassment. “I was visiting my friends, Ko-kun.”

 

“If you say so.” Ko’s eyes were avoiding hers now, settled on the stone of Kurenai’s grave. 

 

Hinata huffed, though it came out as a meek protest. “You’re out of place, Ko-kun.”

 

“Perhaps you should remind me.” 

 

As if instinctively, Ko ran his fingers over his forehead, where his cursed seal was. The cursed seal that allowed Hinata complete power over him if she wished. Still, his tone had remained soft, never reprehensive or worried.

 

“You know I would never, Ko-kun.” Hinata frowned, staring at him head on, disappointment etched in her features.

 

“I know,” Ko whispered. “You’re a sweet girl.”

 

Hinata smiled, and Ko easily mirrored it. In the peace and silence that came afterwards, they didn’t move for a moment, simply enjoying the last rays of the sun for a little longer. 

 

...

 

Hinata started when Ko knocked on the frame of her open door. 

 

“Hinata-sama,” Ko said when she looked at him, “Arata’s team has returned. Will you hear their report right away?”

 

Hinata nodded and Ko walked away. While she took care of baby Asuma, Hinata would always close her door. It granted them some privacy and it was easier. Hiashi would look the other way if he didn’t see the child, and Hinata was free to play with him however much she liked. Now, with him hidden away in Shikamaru’s office instead, Hinata kept her door open. The jump scares were plentiful since.

 

“Hinata-sama,” Ko said as he returned, gesturing for the others to enter.

 

When Arata stepped inside, Hinata smiled. She had been worried for Arata when Ko had reported the attack on his team, perpetrated by the Kizanu yet again, and she was all too glad to see him again today, not even the hint of a scar on his cheeks.

 

“Hinata-sama,” Arata and his three teammates, all Hyuuga, echoed as they bowed to her.

 

“Arata, Haru,” Hinata greeted, nodding, “Daiki, Aio. How was your patrol?”

 

Ko closed the door, granting them secrecy as he stood watch outside, as always. 

 

“Everything went well,” Arata said, standing to his full height again. “We encountered nobody and were able to carry out your orders, Hinata-sama.”

 

“That’s good,” Hinata said, heaving a sigh of relief even if reports of missions gone wrong were rare. “You were able to go to Inazawa, then?”

 

Inazawa was a small town to the east of Konoha. Albeit not having a large population, it had been rather upscale, with the vast majority working various jobs in Konoha’s civilian infrastructure. It was close enough for travel, but far enough to be considered a non-ninja village, which was the reason it had been set up in the first place.

 

“Yes,” Arata confirmed, nodding. “Aio.”

 

Aio stepped forward, depositing two large bags before Hinata’s desk -- or table, rather.

 

“Some canned food,” Arata continued, “but mostly oil, pain medication, nails… As you asked.”

 

Hinata stood up to rummage through the bag briefly, satisfied by its contents. They’d even found several more of the oversized batteries Hinata had been looking for and stockpiling lately. Come winter, they would find good use for them, without a doubt.

 

“You’ve done great. Thank you.”

 

Arata and his team bowed again before they exited the room. 

 

Ko stepped inside and couldn’t keep from throwing a curious glance to the supplies. “They had a productive run.”

 

“They did.” Hinata smiled as she tied the bag up. “Do you have plans for the night, Ko-kun?”

 

Ko’s lips curled just barely in one of his semi-grins as he shook his head, always mockingly disapproving of Hinata’s plans. “Of course not, Hinata-sama.”

 

“Good.” Hinata clapped her hands togethers. “We’ll have some work to do.”

 

…

 

Hinata gathered her breath before she entered the tent Ko was holding open for her. Visiting Aki was always one of the more draining of Hinata’s rounds. “Aki-san.”

 

“Hinata-chan,” Aki called from her sleeping bag. “It’s been a while.”

 

Aki’s voice was always burdened by the pain breaking her body. Aki had already explained to Hinata that her disease would only worsen without the right medication, but Hinata’s team had failed to locate the correct pills yet. Shizune, thankfully, managed to supply some, but irregularly. Without them, Aki was bound to her bed, to suffer without so much as someone to keep her company. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Hinata said as she knelt by Aki, Ko close behind her. “We haven’t found much lately.”

 

“Thank you for trying,” Aki said, clutching her blankets in pain or sadness, Hinata didn’t know. 

 

“Here.” Hinata popped open the bottle they had found and dropped two pills in Aki’s hand. “It’s not your medication, but those are the same Shizune gives you to manage the pain.”

 

Aki nodded and swallowed the pills with ease, even with their impressive size. Once they were gone, she looked up to Hinata, tears brimming in her eyes. “Thank you.”

 

“I’ll come back when we find more,” Hinata said, forcing a comforting smile on her lips. “Try to get some rest.”

 

Aki nodded and Hinata and Ko left without saying more. Wordlessly, Ko remained faithfully at Hinata’s side as they trudged deeper in Waterfall district. With the fire’s destruction still so evident, Hinata couldn’t bring herself to talk. 

 

“Hinata-sama,” Ko called, head turned to the side.

 

Hinata looked the way he did, finding a black-haired woman she knew well in his line of sight. Ai was looking their way, twisting her hands, too hesitant to approach them on her own. Hinata walked towards her and Ai’s eyes immediately lit up.

 

“Ai-chan,” Hinata said once they were closer. “Is there anything you need today?”

 

“I was wondering if you had more rags, maybe?” Ai asked, twirling her long hair around her hand. “Kato’s always getting so dirty and I can’t seem to wash the latrines’ dirt out of the rags… I’m afraid he’ll catch something if I keep using them.”

 

Her complaint was common. To not smell like the latrines themselves, it was necessary to scrub the skin vigorously, but the rags went bad quickly. “I have a few. Some antibacterial soap, too.”

 

Ai clapped her hands and gestured for them to wait for her as she ducked back into her tent. Quickly enough, Ai was back before them with a few supplies of her own. “I know it’s not as much as usual, but I got a few jars from the kitchens.”

 

Hinata did not to talk of how Ai was able to stockpile food -- the same way she couldn’t bring herself to talk to Kurenai -- and accepted the three jars of soup. Generally, Ai traded more. Four or five jars for rags, soap and especially matches. Hinata had tried to teach Ai how to light a fire with nothing but wood, but Ai had never managed. Instead, she used the matches to keep a small fire going close to their tent on colder nights.

 

“Thanks,” Ai said as she inspected her new goods. “That’s my favorite perfume, too.”

 

Hinata nodded and turned to leave, but Ai smiled broadly at Ko, placing a hand on his bicep.

 

“You should smile sometimes,” Ai said cheekily. “I’m sure Hinata-sama would appreciate it.”

 

“I am Hinata-sama’s guard,” he answered, tone steely. “It is my duty to be this way.”

 

Smile creeping up on her lips, Hinata slipped her fingers between Ko’s and tugged. “Let’s go, we have more work to do.”

 

…

 

As they walked through Rock district, which was, thankfully, in a much better state than Waterfall district, Hinata inspected the sheet of paper on which she inscribed Waterfall’s supplies demands. With a sigh, she folded it neatly and hid it in her breast pocket.

 

“Ko-kun,” Hinata called.

 

Ko turned his head towards her, ready to listen as always.

 

“Didn’t you notice a difference in Waterfall?” 

 

Ko nodded, lines in his usually smooth forehead. “There were more trades and demands for food than usual.”

 

“Indeed.” Hinata fidgeted with her fingers, pulling on the tips of them. “That was -- “

 

“Hinata-sama!” 

 

Hinata turned to see Goro walking up to her. Goro was a tall man, imposing as a boulder, which was fitting. He often traded with Hinata, making her suspicious of him. Unlike Waterfall, which lacked any kind of organization with its mixed roots and independent citizens, Rock followed some sort of hierarchy that had gradually installed itself. Goro was one of the fortunate enough to be on the higher ends of that system.

 

“Goro-san,” Hinata greeted, back stiffened.

 

“What kind of food are you bringing, today?” Goro asked, peeking behind her at the bag that Ko carried. 

 

Even if Hinata always carried out her tasks in the middle of the night, Goro was always there, timed like a watch. Hinata turned expectantly to Ko and he easily produced the jars of soup that Ai had traded them.

 

“Is that the soup that was served three days ago?” Goro asked, rolling one jar between his large hands. 

 

“I think so,” Hinata said. “We have three of them.”

 

Goro hummed, rubbing his chin the way she remembered a certain silk merchant would when negotiating with her father. “I’ll give you half a dozen eggs for them.”

 

Hinata hesitated. They’d already visited a few other Rock refugees, and their demands and offers had been as peculiar as Waterfall’s. They were ready to trade more liberally, for goods that weren’t essential. Even Goro’s offer was rather generous. He was trading food for food. He was asking for the soup because he’d liked it, simply.

 

“I’ll trade them for the tarp over your tent.”

 

Goro frowned, staring at her, then laughed. “I didn’t know you to be such a funny girl, Hinata-sama.”

 

“I mean it,” Hinata said, firmer. “I will not trade you the jars for anything but the tarp.”

 

She could see the yellow tarp draped over his tent from where she stood. Vinyl, the perfect kind to protect from the weather. Effectively blocking wind and water, they weren’t terrible replacement for insulation. 

 

“Are you mad?” Goro said, stepping forward as he raised his empty hand. “Of course I won’t do that.”

 

“I’m sure you can afford it,” Hinata said, keeping her temper mild as Goro’s rose.

 

“Are you -- are you kidding me?” Goro leaned down towards her, cheeks puffing in anger as the corner of his lips grew tighter. “A child like you trying to intimidate me into accepting your unfair trade?”

 

Before Goro could get any closer, Ko stepped between him and Hinata. Expertly, his fingers tapped a few spots around Goro’s shoulders rapidly. Goro gasped in surprise as he lost control of his arm, trying in vain to bring life back to it with his other hand. Ko grabbed the jar of soup from his limp hand before it slipped. 

 

Ko turned to her. “Hinata-sama?”

 

Hinata nodded and Ko placed a heavy palm on Goro’s shoulder. With Goro almost a whole head taller than Ko, it looked slightly ridiculous, but Goro trembled nonetheless under the pressure of Ko’s grip.

 

“Hinata-sama will be glad to accept your trade,” Ko said, his face the blank mask he always wore as a guard. “You will refrain from instigating any further business with my mistress.”

 

Goro watched as Ko tore the tarp from his tent, the anger swirling in his eyes the kind that Hinata despised. It was selfish anger, anger that stemmed from losing control and power. Goro did not deserve their help.

 

When Ko returned with the tarp neatly folded under his arm, Hinata placed the jars of soup by Goro’s feet. Hinata turned away and stalked towards Suna’s district without hesitation, comforted by the steady sound of Ko’s footsteps at her heel.

 

…

 

“Maybe if I send Arata out again to bring back more -- “

 

Ko shook his head, interrupting Hinata. “Arata was already gone too long. Hiashi-sama has noticed, I hear. You must remain careful, Hinata-sama.”

 

Hinata pursed her lips, frowning as she hugged her knees to herself. The night had turned cold suddenly, the winds rising and chilling her flesh through her sweater as they’d walked through the districts. Now, huddled under her thick blanket, Hinata was happy for the comfort.

 

“I wish there was more I could do to help,” Hinata said after a moment, sighing. “There’s still so many of us struggling.”

 

Ko placed his palm on Hinata’s knee, sitting by her side on her bed. “You are doing more good than you think, Hinata-sama.”

 

At the thought of Waterfall’s refugees’ faces as she distributed some food, a small smile curled Hinata’s lips. “Thank you, Ko-kun.”

 

Ko nodded, giving her knee a soft squeeze. “Are you still cold?”

 

Hinata shook her head, throwing him a grateful glance for his usual worry. “I’m fine.”

 

They sat in silence for a little while, sipping away at their hot mugs of tea. At least, tea was easy to procure. It took little space, weighed nothing and only required hot water. One bag could even make a few cups if you stretched it. 

 

“Suna didn’t need much today,” Hinata said, her mug under her chin so the hot air of it would warm her lips and nose. “I know I’ve been providing for their children more, but I’m surprised.”

 

“There’s more dugouts in Waterfall,” Ko said, swallowing his mouthful. “Perhaps Yamato-san’s work is progressing more quickly than expected.”

 

Hinata frowned. “No, I don’t think so. Don’t you think it all matches together?”

 

“I thought so,” Ko said with a nod. “But it doesn’t explain what is happening in Rock.”

 

Hinata hummed. “I will ask Gaara-sama about it tomorrow, when I go drop off the children’s rations.”

 

“That’s a good idea.” Ko stood from her bed, looking out the window at the paling sky. “I’ll head to bed now, Hinata-sama. I fear Hiashi-sama will have my head if he finds me in his daughter’s bedroom in the middle of the night.”

 

Hinata covered a giggle behind her fingers. “Okay. Sleep well, Ko-kun.”

 

Ko turned to leave, but then hesitated, only to turn back to Hinata and place his palm on her shoulder. It was unusual of him, to defer from his guard persona, but sometimes he did, usually when Hinata was in danger, physical or not. Lately, though, with all of their late night strolls, Ko seemed to open up more.

 

“Hinata-sama,” he said quietly. “You have my loyalty, as Hyuuga and as a friend. I trust you will use it well and to the right ends. Ask and I will do anything you say.”

 

Hinata couldn’t help but squirm under his gaze, regardless of the way his words made her heart flutter. A few times, she had seen this kind of warmth in Ko’s eyes and his quiet smiles, always quick to be replaced by the guardly mask. “T-Thank you, Ko-kun.”

 

“It’s my pleasure, Hinata-sama,” he said as he stood up and left, carefully closing the door behind him so it would make no sound.

 

....

 

“Hinata-chan!”

 

As she heard Akiko call her name the second she entered the tent, Hinata smiled, one of the few genuine smiles since the beginning of the war. Akiko, a little girl from Suna, was always quick to chase away the worries troubling Hinata. No matter how dire the situation was, the little girl didn’t let on, instead always offering a happy face and cheerful attitude. 

 

“Hello, Akiko-chan,” Hinata said, gathering the child in her arms when Akiko threw herself at her. “How have you been lately?” 

 

“Awesome!” Akiko let out, giving Hinata tight hug. “Mommy made me a new doll!”

 

“How nice of her.” Hinata gave the tent a cursory check, but Izumi was absent, as usual. “I have something for you, too.”

 

“I know. You always do,” Akiko laughed, freeing herself from Hinata’s embrace. “Do you want to play with me today?”

 

“I have a little time.” Carefully, Hinata let her bag slide from her shoulder to the floor before she led Akiko outside. “How has your mommy been?”

 

“When I touched her forehead this morning, it was burning,” Akiko said, eyes narrowed in concentration as she recalled the moment, a finger to her lips. “But mom said it was nothing and she went to work anyway.”

 

Hinata’s brows furrowed together, her worries instantly reappearing to nag her again. 

 

“Hinata-chan,” Gaara called from behind her. 

 

Instinctively, Hinata turned to face him. “Kazekage-sama,” she greeted, bowing politely. When she straightened up, she looked down at Akiko, guilt making her hesitate when she saw the child’s wide eyes, filled with awe. “Akiko-chan, I’m sorry but I have to talk to Kazekage-sama. We’ll play another time, okay?”

 

“Okay,” she said quietly, turning to Gaara and waving at him with happiness lighting up her tiny features before she sauntered away. 

 

“Thank you, Hinata-chan.” Gaara laid a hand on her shoulder, guiding her inside Izumi’s tent before he spoke again. “If it wasn’t for you, I doubt Akiko would have such a beautiful smile on her face to this day.”

 

Hinata nodded, the corners of her lips quirking up in a shy smile. “It’s the least I can do. I was able to put Hana and Daichi on the list as well.”

 

Gaara smiled, though Hinata could feel it was weighed down by the knowledge of how Hinata was able to put Suna’s children on the rations list. Occasionally, Hinata managed to slip in a new name in the working children’s list, but most of the time, she only prevented Daikoku from formally reporting the deaths of sick children from the daycare. As long as no one would inform the higher-ups, the names would remain on the rations list. Daikoku would pick up the food as per usual, and pass along the extra to Hinata so she could distribute it to the children in Suna. 

 

“Their families will be grateful,” Gaara said quietly. “You’ve been an incredible help.”

 

Hinata remained silent, fidgeting with the hem of her sweater. 

 

“If it wasn’t for you saving face for the Hyuuga...” Gaara continued, frowning in concern. “I doubt I could keep my people from rebelling against their situation.”

 

“I’m happy I can do this.” Hinata nodded, redness spreading to her cheeks. “I… I have to talk to you about Akiko’s mother, though.”

 

“What is it?”

 

Truly, Hinata wished she could keep her mouth shut, wished she could stop handing out terrible news to everyone. If it hadn’t endangered Akiko, she might very well have. “Akiko told me that her mother had a high fever this morning.”

 

Gaara’s eyes slid closed, his lips thinning in a pale line. “I see.”

 

There was no need for explanation. Regardless of the Medical Unit’s efforts, the disease was spreading inside their camp, infecting more and more people every day. 

 

When the silence stretched too thin, Hinata tangled her fingers together over her belly and looked at Gaara again. “At least, it seems your people are doing well.”

 

Gaara nodded, eyes still distant in thought, formulating plans of how to protect them from the disease that plagued Lightning. “We do our best.”

 

“Waterfall has been asking for more food,” Hinata said quickly, hoping to mask her nervosity. “It’s good to see that the demand here has gone down. I’ve barely received any requests lately.”

 

Gaara knew where she was getting at, Hinata could tell from the sudden chill in the air. If Waterfall was suddenly lacking food and certain supplies, all the while building more and more dugouts, it led right back to Suna. It couldn’t be a coincidence that Suna had almost nothing to ask of her, out of the blue. She hadn’t provided that much.

 

“Yamato’s work is progressing abnormally fast too,” Hinata added. “With the dugouts.”

 

“We take care of our own,” Gaara said icily. “That is all.”

 

He was outside of the tent before Hinata could say a word more, leaving her to stare after him. She’d known that Gaara might not divulge the details of his operation, but it stung no less when he completely shut her out. Hadn’t she done plenty to gain his trust? 

 

With a sigh, Hinata exited Akiko’s tent and headed towards the center of the camp, begrudgingly submitting herself to the day’s tasks. 

 

…

 

Cheeks red and still prickling from the cold outside air, Hinata smiled quietly as they walked towards her bedroom, footsteps as careful as a cat’s. Ko returned it the way he sometimes did when he knew he was overstepping his boundaries as guardian, one corner of his mouth perking up and his lips tight. Ever aware, Ko brought a finger to his lips when Hinata’s smile grew wider and looser, too close to laughter.

 

Finally at their destination, Ko slid open the door for Hinata, leaning his free hand on the doorframe once she was inside. “Shall I leave you before the sun rises, Hinata-sama?”

 

Stifling a small burst of laughter, Hinata nodded. “Go sleep, Ko-kun. You’re becoming sleep deprived because of me.”

 

“Not so loud,” Ko chastised as he placed a finger over her lips, barely brushing against them. 

 

The bags that had been growing under his eyes only seemed more pronounced in the dim lighting of moonlight, and Hinata had to hold back another round of giggles. She ought to feel guilty for putting him through this, but his exhaustion relaxed him around her. Truth be told, she probably looked the same he did. 

 

“I must go now, or the sun will rise,” Ko said, though he didn’t move an inch, a mischievous smirk on his lips that naturally spread to Hinata’s.

 

The lack of sleep must really have been getting to them, for them to be standing there staring at each other like two dumbstruck undead. 

 

“Good night,” Ko chuckled as he pulled away from the door, “Hinata-sama. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

 

Hinata nodded and watched his back as he walked away, until the darkness swallowed it and there was nothing left but to go drop dead in bed.

 

“You should be more careful, sis.”

 

Hinata started, face still buried in her pillow. Never had Hinata been the sharpest ninja, but guilt still nipped at her. She was being surprised so often lately, too on edge for her own good, an unforgivable slip in her skills. Kurenai-sensei would make her regret it, was she still there. 

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Sitting up, Hinata rubbed her thumb against her lip. Hanabi was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed against her chest. “Sure.”

 

Hanabi walked to her bed with a few long strides, then stood against the wall facing Hinata. Hinata watched her, anticipating her next words. Hanabi’s eyes were a stark white in the darkness, almost glowing eerily. 

 

“What did you come for?” Hinata finally said when the air become too heavy, like a single spark would light it on fire. 

 

“You saw me with Misa-chan.”

 

Immediately, Hinata lowered her head and pursed her lips, her ego deflating even further with another blow to her skills. Hanabi was straightforward as she always was, not one to miss a beat or waste a breath. 

 

“I’ll tell Father about your nocturnal escapades before you can tell him about me and Misa-chan,” Hanabi started, eyes narrowing at her sister just barely, “So don’t even think about it.”

 

Hinata sucked on the inside of her bottom lip, chancing a look up at Hanabi. Hanabi scowled. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Hinata diverted her gaze to her pillow, wishing she could be asleep already. “I saw nothing, Hanabi.”

 

“You heard,” Hanabi scoffed. “Don’t play dumb. I know you’re not that naive.”

 

“No, I’m not…” Hinata grabbed a corner of her blanket, shy fingers fidgeting with it idly. “I’m not going to tell on you.  Why would I?”

 

“You know how Father is,” Hanabi sighed as she slipped down the wall to sit.

 

Hinata nodded. “I do.”

 

“You know, he has his doubts about what you do already,” Hanabi said, hands gesturing her frustration. “He’s turning a blind eye to every clue you leave behind. If you’re not careful, that’s gonna come to an end quickly enough. Stay behind closed doors.”

 

Stay behind closed doors. That was her family’s mantra, almost. If the walls didn’t hear you and no one saw anything but fire, the truth mattered little. 

 

“He threatened to have Ko demoted to cleaning duty if he lets you leave the village again,” Hanabi said after a moment, eyes set heavily on Hinata. “Did he tell you?”

 

Hinata shook her head, her exterior calm even when her heart hammered against her chest. “No.”

 

Ko was no longer her full time guard now, the situation requiring his skills elsewhere and her safety less at risk than ever before. Regardless, it tore a hole in Hinata’s heart to think his protection might expire soon. 

 

“Did you go see the traitor?”

 

Hinata pursed her lips once more, pressing the pad of her thumb to her lip harder than before. “Don’t call him that.”

 

“He is a traitor,” Hanabi scoffed, fingers tapping impatiently against her knee. “They all are.”

 

“Can you blame them?” Hinata said softly, barely a whisper. “Look at everyone around us, suffering.”

 

Hanabi lowered her eyes to the ground, leaning her head against her fist in defeat. “Tell me why you’ve spent so much time with Uchiha lately.”

 

Hinata blinked in surprise, staring at her sister for a moment before answering, “He’s a good person, deep down.”

 

Hanabi scoffed. “Don’t give me that crap. Really, why?”

 

Squirming in her seat, Hinata breathed in slowly, uncomfortable under the pressure Hanabi always exerted. “Because he doesn’t stoop to manipulating people. He says the truth he sees, regardless of how others will react. Don’t you think it’s remarkable?”

 

That was the truth Hinata saw. Sasuke made everyone uncomfortable. His past had little to do with it; it was ingrained in how he acted and spoke. Sasuke lacked any delicacy and gentleness. For all those flaws, he made up with honesty -- stinging, burning honesty. He was everything her family’s mantra wasn’t. He flaunted and challenged.

 

His tryst -- if you could call it that -- with Sakura was the exception to his rule. In order to provide what she wanted, Sasuke acted for her. Like a pawn in her game, he followed her directions and displayed the truth she wanted seen. In and of itself, seen from the exterior but with a peek on the inside view, the gesture truly was rather romantic. For who else would Sasuke break his code?

 

“Father would never let you marry him,” Hanabi joked, though it fell flat. “He’s already thinking of your arrangement.”

 

Hinata stiffened, rooted to the spot. “Who?”

 

“I haven’t managed to figure that out yet.” Between yawns, Hanabi rubbed the corner of her eyes. “I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that, with not being the heir.”

 

“Mom seemed happy with Father,” Hinata said, more to comfort herself than for hopefulness. “Didn’t she?”

 

“I guess she never looked unhappy,” Hanabi said with a shrug. “But I’d rather marry Uchiha than let Father decide for me. I can never be free, but I won’t give this up.”

 

Hinata chuckled. “What do you think Mom would do if she saw what Father was doing now?”

 

“She’d smack him across the head!” Hanabi laughed, her large eyes softer with the haze of memories. “Mom knew how to deal with him.”

 

A smile crept on Hinata’s lips, memories of her mother flooding her mind. She had always been caring, unlike their father. Hinata took after her more than anyone else. Hiashi had her stay in the village during the war, for her own protection, but it had backfired, in the end. There was no blame to be put on his shoulders.

 

“I’m going to bed,” Hanabi said, breaking Hinata out of her thoughts. “Good night.”

 

“Good night,” Hinata said, following Hanabi to the door so she could close it behind her.

 

Once Hanabi was gone and the room plunged in darkness and silence, Hinata pressed her forehead against the door. 

 

So many had died. Before, during, after the war. Naruto, Kurenai, her mother, Neji, Tenten, Kiba… Hinata’s chest swelled as she swallowed the pain that threatened to come back up. Tightly, she closed her eyes, replaying in her mind days long past. Hard days, but not unhappy days. Cooking with her mother. Training with Shino, Kiba, and Kurenai. The occasional trip to Ichiraku. The annual kimono she got to choose for her birthdays. 

 

Tears streaked down Hinata’s cheeks against her best efforts to contain them. Where was the life she had grown into? Where were the people she had loved? Choking down a sob, Hinata dropped to her knees, clutching her sweater. Where had Konoha gone? How could it all simply  vanish in one day like this?

 

Her one thought, at that moment, Hinata knew was in the minds of every survivor.  I want my life back.

  
  



	22. Alpha

As the storm raged, Kakashi stood perched on the highest branch of the tallest tree that would support his weight, watching a distant tornado cut a swathe through the forest.  He was too far from it to smell the broken earth and fresh sap of destruction.  So far up, he could barely even smell the petrichor of rain hitting the ground, each breath instead filling his nose with the sting of evergreens.  Normally, a cyclone so far away would be only a minor concern.  He predicted it would blow itself out before ever getting close enough to threaten them or Konoha.

 

But lately, it seemed that things -- particularly the weather -- were not behaving as they ought.  October had come in far too cold and then quickly become more balmy within the span of a few days.  Hinata and Shikamaru came bearing news of an earthquake significant enough to fell buildings and cause a few casualties, but so localized that Kakashi and the Wave citizens hadn't felt a thing.

 

And now, a tornado.  It was close enough to the right time of year, but the climate wasn't especially prone and it was exactly the wrong time of day.  A twister in the wee hours of the morning wasn't impossible, to be sure -- simply unlikely.

 

"You better come down now or Sakura will kill me," Sasuke said from the base of the tree, sounding rather bored.

 

Kakashi sighed and fell down to the forest floor, bouncing off a few strategic branches so that he landed smoothly.  "Does she think lightning can hurt us?"

 

Sasuke snorted.  "I could summon a worse storm than this.  But try telling her that."

 

"Do you think she's spending too much time with Suigetsu?" Kakashi asked idly as they made their way back to camp.

 

Perhaps understandably, Suigetsu was terrified of thunderstorms.

 

Sasuke shrugged.  "Doesn't everyone?"

 

"True enough."  Kakashi shoved his hand in his pockets as they strolled along, the familiarity of it easing the discomfort that had little to do with the raindrops smacking into them like tiny pellets.

 

"I wonder if Shikamaru can see the tornado from wherever he is."

 

And there it was.  The slight bite in Sasuke's tone told Kakashi that Sasuke knew perfectly well that Kakashi didn't want to talk about it, he just didn't care.  Sasuke was still annoyed that Shikamaru had chosen to discuss his fears with Kakashi alone, even though they both knew Sasuke was eavesdropping anyway.

 

"Shikamaru doesn't need to see the tornado.  He's read the signs already.  Faster than either one of us did."

 

Kakashi knew the reminder that someone was better than him would rankle Sasuke, and it did, eliciting a scowl.  But it didn't last long, soon giving way to a touch of real worry.

 

"Where do tailed beasts go when they die?" Kakashi needled.

 

Sasuke took a while to answer, as Kakashi knew he would.  It was Sasuke's turn to be pushed out of his realm of comfort, and Kakashi did not spare him.

 

"Nowhere," Sasuke said as they finally drew within sight of the camp, the corners of his mouth pinched.  "Tailed beasts don't die."

 

"Shikamaru was right," Kakashi said unnecessarily, just to grind Sasuke under his figurative boot a bit more.  "It has begun."

 

Sasuke turned on his heel and stalked irritably to his own tent while Kakashi watched in satisfaction.  It was so early that no one else was yet up and about, and though it wouldn't last long, Kakashi didn't want to think about it.  For now, the camp was sleepy, with no one who needed him for any pressing business.  Thunder boomed, and Kakashi hoped beyond hope that they would all sleep through it and not wake up just to bug him.

 

Kakashi went into his own tent, looking forward to stripping off his wet clothes.  But he paused just outside, listening to Sakura whisper.

 

"It's okay, baby.  It's just thunder.  Thunder comes from lightning.  Your daddy makes lightning, so it's not so scary, right?"

 

With tentative fingers, Kakashi opened the tent and pushed inside.  Just as he expected, Sakura was on her side, cradling her belly tenderly.  As always, she stopped whispering when Kakashi came near, though she smiled at him over her shoulder only to make a face when she saw him.

 

"Oh, you're all wet!"

 

Kakashi smiled wryly.  "That's what happens when it's raining outside."

 

"Well, don't you put that all over me," she said, matter-of-fact, still caressing her baby bump.

 

"You were talking to your belly again," Kakashi said as he peeled his shirts off, deciding to finally address the issue.

 

"Sasuke said the same thing the other night."  Sakura laughed, flopping on her back with some difficulty in order to see Kakashi better.  "Not my belly.  The baby.  The thunder woke him and he kicked me in the ribs again."

 

"Right," Kakashi said, ignoring the way his heart fluttered anxiously at the mention of the baby.  "He?"

 

Sakura flushed, diverting her gaze back to her belly.  "Tsunade-shishou thought it would be a boy.  A fussy one, to pay you back for your poor mother's worry when you were young,” she said.  "'It' just doesn't feel right to me anymore."

 

As Kakashi fully defrocked, he tried to imagine Tsunade sharing baby stories of him, discussing as women do the gender of his own child.  He couldn't, he realized.  That was part of the exclusive club all females seemed to belong to.  Sakura had always seemed separate from it to Kakashi but recent times couldn't make it clearer that she belonged after all.

 

"What if it's a girl?" Kakashi said instead of voicing his thoughts, slipping under the covers next to her.

 

"Then she'll forgive me, and she'll be super cute."  Sakura giggled.  "Win-win."

 

Sakura held out her arm for assistance in turning over to face him.  Automatically, Kakashi yanked her over, and she curled up into him.

 

"The last thing this camp needs is another female to boss us around," Kakashi grumbled.

 

"So you hope for a boy, then?"  She was smiling, now, more truly than she had since Suzuka's death.

 

Sakura had never been hard to read, at least for Kakashi.  Her expression now was hopeful and it reminded him of another time on the bank of a river when she dropped her flak vest to the ground with a deliberate  thud .

 

Kakashi avoided the question, running his hand over the curve of her hip.  "I thought you said not to touch you with my wet self."

 

The black, standard-issue shirt came over her head next.  She looked over her bare shoulder at Kakashi, smiling.  Anticipation thrummed in the air.

 

"I meant your clothes."  Her fingers began to wander purposefully over the planes of his chest.

 

Her dowdy black pants, wrapped strategically just like his to accommodate weapons, were stripped off last.  She shed all the accoutrement of being a soldier, and none of it suited her anyway.  She was naked then and it seemed right to him, like she was simply herself, not just a cog in a wheel Kakashi had to steer.

 

"It seems you aren't burdened by clothing either," Kakashi observed, hands skipping right over her belly to cup her breasts so full they didn't fit in his hands, nipples dark and large with pregnancy.

 

She waded into the river, still facing away with false modesty, trailing light fingertips along the surface of the water.

 

"No one's up yet?" she asked, though she didn't wait for an answer, her nimble fingers skipping down below his waist.  "Seems a shame to waste such an opportunity, doesn't it?"

 

Finally, she turned to face him when the water was just deep enough to cover her dusty pink nipples almost the same color as her hair.  "You stink, Kaka-sensei," she'd said with a laugh, slapping the river with a playful palm.

 

"We can't afford to be wasteful in these trying times," Kakashi said in mock seriousness, kneading her breasts beneath his palms.

 

The curve of her smile and the softness in her green eyes was an invitation -- to a bath, and something else that made Kakashi's mouth dry like cotton.  She was the first person to ask him something and care about how he  wanted to answer in a long time, even though she spoke no words in the process.  There were no demands in her, no worries of the war and 'you knew Obito best so what is he planning,' just the quiet promise of a bath and beyond in how she submerged to her cheekbones, staring at him.

 

Her grin was mischievous and Kakashi returned it.  He focused on every part of her but her rounded belly.  For now, at least, she was still just Sakura, the same beautiful distraction she had always been.

 

Kakashi dropped his flak jacket next to hers with a thud.  When he stepped into the river with her, it was concluding an agreement, or starting one, he wasn't sure which.  He didn't bother defining it.

 

For a few sweet minutes, she was looking only at Kakashi, her eyes a haze and her moans too loud in the morning stillness.

 

" Don't look away," he had told her that night in the tent.  Every time her gaze skittered away, to the wall of the tent or the pile of cards, she wasn't in the moment with him.  She was thinking of the the small pains of showing her body how to feel more than fear.  She was thinking of the impending battle, of tomorrow and the way it seemed like an end to all things so much that the consequences of stealing a few minutes of pleasures were distant problems they'd never have to own up to.

 

He sent one hand down to attend to her needs and tangled the other in her hair to keep her gaze trained on him as he stared back.

 

When she looked at him, he knew who he was.  He wasn't a commander, or the man who killed Rin, or the man whose naïveté had let Sasuke's desertion catch him by surprise, or the man everyone looked to fix problems bigger than the moon itself.  When Sakura looked at him, he was just Kakashi.

 

"Kakashi."  When she finally shuddered underneath him, she said his name, deliberately because she knew he liked it, smiling when the sound of it made Kakashi draw in a hissing breath.  He removed his hand from between her legs, ignoring how sore his arm was from the awkward position it had assumed to avoid her belly.  She opened her thighs for him, inviting him in.

 

That night, she wasn't yet sure of herself, still torn between the simplicity they shared and trying to be the good girl she'd always been expected to be.  Her legs had been stiff, scared, but her eyes were as clear as ever, begging for comfort.

 

Sparing no time for recovery, he slipped inside her, the fit familiar and firm, like a glove.  Her eyes rolled back in her head with pleasure.

 

"Kakashi-sensei," she'd said then, but not to tease him, instead nervous and seeking reassurance.  He'd shushed her, wanting to show her there was nothing to be afraid of -- not in this tent, not on the battlefield tomorrow, nowhere -- because she was strong enough to handle it, strong in a way Kakashi had never quite managed to be.  But she was teaching him to be strong, and he was teaching her how to forget.

 

He groaned with the effort of holding himself back, but even so, he thrusted only a few times before he got too into it and she put a solid palm on his chest, pressing.

 

"Sorry," he grunted, easing the pressure on her belly the only way he knew how, by disengaging.

 

His memories of the river and the tent beyond it slipped away as he disconnected from her.  To give his fuzzy mind a moment to calculate a new game plan, Kakashi moved to her breasts, putting his mouth to a nipple.

 

Immediately, he spat it out.  "What is  that ?"

 

Horrified, Sakura crossed her arms over her chest, holding her breasts protectively until they almost merged with her chin.  "I must be lactating," she said miserably.

 

Kakashi kissed her to stave off the tears building in the corners of her eyes.  "It's all right.  Here, just turn over."

 

Enthusiastically, she lumbered into balance on all fours.  Kakashi entered her again with some difficulty, as she seemed to have lost some momentum despite her best efforts.

 

Again, he thrusted only a few times before she pulled away.  "Stop.  I'm sorry, but I feel like I'm going to split down the middle and there's stuff sloshing around inside me and I just --"

 

She stopped trying to explain, struggling back to lay on her side facing away from him, curling up as small as she could get.

 

Kakashi sighed.  "Do you need me to rub your back?"

 

She sniffled.  "Yes."

 

Obediently, Kakashi began massaging little circles along Sakura's spine, trying in vain to ease her discomfort.  He should have known better.  There was no "just" Sakura anymore.  She was becoming a unit with the child inside her, and increasingly, Kakashi did not feel welcome to be a part of it.

 

"I just wanted some nice, normal sex," Sakura said, her tone so dramatically sad that Kakashi had to chuckle.

 

He kissed her smooth wooden wedding band.  "I know.  Some other time."

 

\---

 

When the rain stopped, they set out once more.  The civilians looked to him for direction and Kakashi had to suppress a laugh when he pointed to the west in an entirely arbitrary choice and they followed it like a prophecy.  They took him so seriously.  As always, nearly everyone did except for Sakura.

 

And Gai.  Gai had never treated Kakashi as anything special -- had, in fact, been known to knock him down a peg or two when he needed it.  When Kakashi was younger, he believed in his own hype.  In the civilian world, money was power, but for ninja,  power was power and Kakashi had it in spades.  And then came a mission to Rock to blow up bridges and Kakashi learned that any power he had meant nothing at all --  changed nothing at all.

 

In the wake of Obito's death, everything was different, especially Kakashi himself -- everything but Gai.  Gai went on treating Kakashi exactly the same, on and on, year after year, until he died in a cocoon all by himself before Kakashi ever figured out how to repay the favor.

 

"Ah, memories," Nobuya said, seated next to Kakashi around the fire.  "Not always so sweet, are they?"

 

Quickly, Kakashi schooled his features into his customary grin.  "I was just thinking about this time someone kicked my puppy.  So cruel.  But then, my puppy was a ninken so the perpetrator got rather more than he bargained for."

 

"It doesn't matter what kind of dog it was," Nobuya said sagely.  "What kind of monster kicks a puppy?"

 

"Exactly what I said."

 

Nobuya was rather smarter than the Wave villagers.  He knew Kakashi was lying; he was simply polite enough not to pry.  That's why Kakashi liked him, after all.  But still, Kakashi must be slipping, to be so openly morose.

 

He needed a distraction.  Almost instinctively, his eyes slipped to Sakura, but she was busy, as usual.  She sat around the women's campfire, laughing along with, as Suigetsu aptly called them, "the yappy-happy crows."  No matter how strange Kakashi still found the casual gender division, Sakura adapted in no time.  It seemed she was attempting to fashion an infant's winter coat out of cured rabbit hide.  She cried out, accidentally stabbing herself in the palm with a large-bore needle.

 

Kakashi only chuckled at her clumsiness, for she had never been very crafty, but Sasuke leapt to his feet.  By the time Sasuke made it to Sakura's side, she had already healed herself.  Still, Sasuke had to inspect her hand and the needle.  He tried to inspect the jacket too, but Sakura promptly hit him round the head with it.

 

"Stop being such a pest!" she snapped.  "Go mind your own business."

 

Kakashi propped his elbow on his knee and laid his chin on his palm, enjoying the view of Sasuke retreating like a kicked puppy straight out of Kakashi's fabrications.

 

For her part, Sakura had turned her attention back to the jacket, Rika gently correcting her grip with the knowledge of her past life as a weaver.  Sasuke, though, was still stealing hurt glances at Sakura in between pointlessly arguing with Suigetsu in more than jest, irritable as he always was when she rebuffed him.  For weeks now, Sasuke had been buzzing around Sakura constantly like he was a bee and she a sweet flower -- but Sasuke made a terrible bee and Sakura was no flower.  She was more like a Venus fly trap.

 

"Sakura-chan," Kakashi called, sing-songy.  "What's that, hmm?"

 

For Kakashi, Sakura wore a smile, abandoning the closed circle of women to come sit by him.  The men around the campfire made room for her without comment;  their circle was open.

 

"It's a wee little jacket, see?" she said, eager to show him.  "He'll be a winter baby, so we've got to keep him warm."

 

Kakashi poked a few fingers through sleeveless armholes, smirking across the fire at a surly Sasuke.  "More of a vest, isn't it?"

 

Sakura scowled, yanking the coat back onto her lap.  "I have to cut up another hide for that part."

 

Kakashi plucked it from her hands again, feeling the fur that lined the inside.  "You're much better at this than you were at knitting."

 

Sakura sniffed haughtily, confiscating the jacket once more.  "Yes, well, that was Ino's idea and of course my scarf looked terrible next to hers, because she was disgustingly good at it, wasn't she?  And I have better motivation now."

 

"Who knew all I had to do was skin you a few rabbits to save myself from a holey scarf."

 

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.  "I'll skin  you , you ungrateful --"

 

Kakashi silenced her with a kiss.  "I miss that scarf.  It got ruined in the war.  Blood all over it.  Not mine, of course."

 

Sakura threw up a hand in exasperation, though she was still pulled against him, smiling into his lips.  "I remember.   Why would you have brought it to the battlefield in the first place?  You're hopeless."

 

Kakashi squeezed her a little tighter, suddenly swallowing against a lump in his throat.  "Utterly."

 

Sakura's brow wrinkled as she looked into his face, searching for what troubled him.  "No you're not," she said finally, laying her head on his shoulder.

 

Kakashi had called her over just to goad Sasuke, but he was glad she was here now, weaving her fingers into his and setting the incomplete jacket aside just to stare into the fire with him.  Now, just in this moment, she was just Sakura.

 

\---

 

The next day, they came upon a small village.  Just as anything of the nature, excitement at the break of monotony spread quickly in the group as they explored the clutch of cabins.  It had been picked over to the point the huts were less like a village and more like bones bleaching in the sun.  At the first barrenly empty house, Kakashi was already on edge.  At the second empty house, Kakashi was backing away, the reek of recent occupation tugging at him, elusive in the mass of unwashed bodies that milled around him constantly.

 

Sai approached him, anxiety barely discernible in his stolid face, a lantern held in front of him.  "The oil is fresh, some sort of animal fat."

 

Kakashi needed no further confirmation.  "Back, back!  Into the treeline.  We're leaving."

 

The ninja mobilized quickly, trying to round up the lackadaisical civilians.  They saw no urgency, taking their time searching out the cabins even with almost nothing of value left in them.  Kakashi went from cabin to cabin, sending a rueful-looking Makoto to join the others, the ever cheerful dog Puuko right on the boy's heels.  On Kakashi's way to the next cabin, he passed by Sasuke, pausing next to him.

 

"Go," Sasuke was saying to a pair of women.

 

Himawari shuffled away meekly, cheeks red at being caught out, but Harumi's nostrils flared.  "Who said you're the boss of me?"

 

"I did.  Now go," Sasuke said impatiently.

 

The breeze shifted, blowing a loose strand of Harumi's long hair to the left instead of the right -- and just like that, Kakashi's fears were realized.  The new wind brought new smells and there was a group approaching.  It was moving slow, but there could be no group so large without ninja involvement of some sort.

 

"Go," Sasuke snarled, not far behind Kakashi.  Sasuke shoved Harumi roughly towards the others.

 

She stumbled, nearly falling, and then ran, finally realizing that this wasn't a game.  The civilians received her quietly, standing fearfully in the shadow of trees that did little to hide them in the bright midday sun.  Even Puuko stayed silent, wrapped in Inari's arms. Without discussion, Kakashi and Sasuke went to join the rest of the ninja a distance in front of the civilians -- close enough to see any impending threats, but far enough to try and keep them out of the crossfire.

 

"When they say move," Inari said, furious, "you  move ."

 

"Go back with them," Kakashi said quietly to Sakura behind him.

 

"Bite me. We need everyone for this."

 

Her voice was steady and Kakashi knew better than to argue.  So he just stepped in front of her, trying in vain to block her from view as a group of ninja and civilians approached.  But they were not mixed, as the Wave and Konoha group were; the civilians were in strict formation, surrounded by ninja who looked more like prison guards than protectors.

 

"And just who is invading our pitstop?" one of the ninja called, swaggering forward only to laugh as he got closer.  "My, my, my, it's almost like a little reunion, isn't it?  Yo, Hatake-sama!"

 

Kakashi stared blankly, trying to recall the man's distinctively tattooed head that was shaved except a spiked patch down the middle.  He was in his early twenties, familiarly ominous curled dragon on his back instead of the symbol of a ninja village.  Did Kakashi know this man?

 

"Kenichi?" Sakura said incredulously.  "What are you doing with the Kizanu insignia on your vest?"

 

"Aha," said the man, grinning.  "Hatake-sama doesn't notice the lowly peons, but Haruno Sakura sees all.  Did you know I used to fake injuries just to chat you up?"

 

Sakura ignored the question, frowning.  "But wasn't your surname Kinta?"

 

"Ah, you've gotten fat anyway," the man said, faking a pout at her indifference.  "My name is Kinta, but my mother's was Kizanu.  And everyone will know that name soon."

 

"Everyone knows it already," Sai said, stating the obvious, looking between their group and the Kizanu, calculating.

 

"Look at that crap," Suigetsu complained loudly.  "They've got Jozu  and Hakken.   Now they decide to work together?"

 

Kinta smiled dangerously.  "You're keeping the wrong company, friend.  You belong with Mist nin."

 

Suigetsu spat on the ground, sneering.  "Like hell I do."

 

And all at once, Kakashi placed the man's face.  Originally affiliated with Mist, he had been a captain in Kakashi's division in the war, talented enough for the position but not quite enough to stand out in Kakashi's memory.

 

"Kinta," Kakashi said.  "Have we a quarrel?  You served me well."

 

Kinta laughed.  "You remember after all, eh?  Well, I don't fancy fighting you, that's for sure.  I'm not dumb enough to think I'd win.  So you go your way, I'll go mine, and we both go home happy.  What do you say?"

 

Kakashi hesitated, searching the faces of the huddled civilians behind Kinta.  Many hardly appeared to be paying attention to the conversation, glassy-eyed and bony with faces lined in defeat.

 

"Slaves," Juugo said, voicing the thought they were all having.  "Or as good as."

 

"Isamu-san!" Sakura cried out suddenly.  "Isamu-san, are you okay?"

 

Kakashi followed her line of sight and indeed, the old boat builder they'd found long ago in Water Country had somehow ended up here, with the Kizanu after all.

 

Isamu shrugged.  "It's just like Konoha, but they don't try to pretend we're free."

 

"You want this old guy?" Kinta said, yanking Isamu out of the group.  "I'll trade him for one of yours, one of those fit lads.  The young one is the best.  He'll last longer."

 

"How can you be so callous?"  Sakura's heckles were truly up now, and Kakashi put a hand on her shoulder to calm her.  "These are  people !"

 

"Them's the breaks, kid."  Kinta shook his head, for the first time letting some apprehension color his expression.  "No one likes it, but you do what you have to do to survive, right?  We don't treat them bad.  They get fed."

 

With Kakashi squeezing her shoulder, Sakura held her tongue, but tears were building at the corners of her eyes.  Sasuke met Kakashi's gaze and held it for a split second before nodding minutely.  The likelihood of letting the Kizanu leave freely had always been low.  The Kizanu were enemies of Konoha, but Kakashi was in a precarious position.  The citizens were the tipping point.

 

"Oi, Isamu-san," Kakashi said, holding up a hand in greeting.  "How'd you like a choice today?"

 

Isamu scoffed.  "Kizanu or Konoha?"

 

"Kizanu or  us ," Sasuke corrected. "As we are."

 

"We're really asking this time," Kakashi said, smiling at the old man.  "Pinky promise."

 

Slowly, Isamu realized they were serious and dropped the hardened act.  He gave a crag-faced smile.

 

"It's nice to be asked, but I think you know I'll go with you.  Better the devil you know than the one you don't."

 

"Well, Kinta-san," Kakashi said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.  "It seems we might have a teensy bit of a quarrel after all.  Sorry about that.  We're going to need to take these civilians off your hands.  No hard feelings, right?  For old times' sake."

 

Kinta swore, signaling his men into formation.

 

"Kenichi," one of them said nervously.  "Isn't that Uchiha Sasuke?"

 

"Yes," Kinta said simply.  "They can kill us now or the clan kill us when we return empty-handed.  Wouldn't you rather die fighting?  Go for the weak spots, split push, now!"

 

Kakashi could see the trajectory of their attacks easily -- the civilians and Sakura, two targets at once so they would divide the Konoha ninja's defense.  It was a sound strategy on the fly and Kakashi had to give Kinta credit.  But even though these ninja outnumbered them two to one, the Kizanu were simply outclassed.  They posed little threat.

 

Juugo, Sai, and Suigetsu took off for the treeline to protect the civilians there, and Sasuke went alone to free the Kizanu civilians before the other ninja got desperate and turned on their own.

 

Kakashi did not contemplate leaving Sakura's side, but she fired up her own fist, shouting a battle cry.  He decided to let her have her fun.

 

"Jump!" Kinta cried, obviously recognizing her signature attack.

 

His men obeyed, but Sakura's fist did not fracture the ground as Kinta expected, instead sending several large chunks of earth flying straight at her attackers.  Kinta and two others were decapitated, just as the jutsu was designed to do.  The rest were taken off guard, sweating the scent of sheer terror.  With a satisfied smirk, Sakura raised her fist again and the men panicked, breaking formation.  A lonely soldier jumped as his dead commander had ordered, one froze entirely, and the rest ducked, anticipating another airborne attack that never came.  The ground shook, crumbling underneath Sakura's attackers to trap them handily.

 

A wild roar came from behind them as a transformed Juugo threw a Kizanu woman five feet over his shoulder.  It was the final straw for the last standing man after Sakura's attack. The jumper turned and ran but made it less than two steps before Kakashi buried a kunai in the base of his skull and then yanked it out again to move on to the downed men.

 

A quick scan of the situation showed Sai, Juugo, and Suigetsu's corner clear, and they were taking inventory of the civilians, old and new, who seemed to be all in order.  Juugo was shrinking back into himself, perfectly in control.  Sasuke, though he had quickly dispatched his portion of the Kizanu, was staring at Sakura with an expression of pure shock on his face, sword limp in his hand.

 

Already, the assault was over.  As if on cue, the nearest cabin collapsed into Sakura's growing sinkhole with a tremendous groan and then a clatter.  Sasuke blinked.

 

Kakashi chuckled and kicked over one of the headless bodies, observing that it seemed fairly well fed.  "Feeling a little brutal today, eh, Sakura-chan?"

 

Sakura shrugged, giving a wry smile.  "He called me fat."

 

Suigetsu cheered from the treeline.  "Cutiepie, you have never been hotter!"

 

Sakura rolled her eyes, toddling back over to their group.  "Sai, let me have a look at that scrape.  Wasn't one of those Hakken bastards, was it?"

 

Sai shook her off and they played the cat and mouse game of mothering and suffocation that they nevertheless enjoyed.

 

"You didn't look so handicapped to me," she said, pinning him down for a forced medical check-up.

 

Kakashi smiled at their antics, the tang of spilt blood fresh in the air and adrenaline coursing through his veins.

 

"Damn, it felt good to have a little scuffle," Suigetsu said with a toothy grin.  "My sword arm was getting rusty."

 

"I thought your sword arm never got rusty," Sakura teased from where she sat on Sai's legs, where the check-up had devolved into something more like tickling.

 

"Dang, you got me," Suigetsu said, though he didn't seem to care, stretching out stiff muscles.

 

"It felt good?" challenged the usually quiet Rika, comforting a sobbing Katashi, even Makoto subdued and hidden in her skirts.  "It felt  good to -- to hack off people's arms and to cut off their  heads ?"

 

She glared at Sakura too, who stopped smiling, and yet couldn't quite look guilty either.

 

"We are still bound to work in Konoha's best interests," Sakura said quietly.  "There are many civilians there, too."

 

"They were oppressing those people," Sai explained in a patient voice, gently prying Sakura off of him.  "Their clan has killed indiscriminately --"

 

"Like you did, you mean?" Rika said, silent tears streaming down her face.  Behind her, Harumi was retching into the bushes.

 

"We killed to protect our friend Isamu-san," Juugo said quietly, looking strangely troubled.  "As we would kill to protect you."

 

"Didn't those fuckers turn your best buddy Nobuya into crispy bacon?" Suigetsu said skeptically, still stretching against his sword, unconcerned.  "Get your panties out of your asscrack, lady."

 

"They hurt you!" Hitomi said shrilly from the scarred man's side, shutting everyone else up.  The child was so withdrawn she barely spoke, though she was more than capable.  "They hurt Uncle Nobuya.  They were bad."

 

Rika subsided.  "Even so.  No one should enjoy killing."

 

"You are mistaken," Juugo said sharply, voice so harsh it made a few people flinch.  "To fight and to kill is not the same."

 

"Everyone has a place in the world," Sai said, frowning in confusion.  "We fulfill ours because you cannot.  You have your own places.  You fulfill them because we cannot."

 

Kakashi did not miss the return of fear in the civilians' eyes, the way they cowered together and looked out at the ninja like they were all strangers again.  But just now, Kakashi couldn't worry about that.  

 

"Thirty two," Sasuke said grimly after counting the new civilians, who had watched the whole scene unfold with self-preserving silence and the uncertainty of the unknown written on their faces. "Thirty two more."

 

"Salvage the weapons," Kakashi barked, and the ninja scrambled to see it done.

 

They would need the fresh weapons, they knew.  Silencing all witnesses delayed the inevitable, but they had just made a move that would not go unanswered.

 

\---

 

They moved as quickly as possible in the direction furthest away from any of the scattered Kizanu bases, according to Isamu.  "As quickly as possible" with upwards of forty people, however, was not very quickly at all.

 

The freed prisoners spoke little as camp was set up, keeping to themselves.  Of mixed origins, they split roughly down the middle, the division quite easy to follow.  There were Lightning citizens, dark-skinned and lithe, debatably lucky as they bore no trace of disease -- and then there was everyone else, comprised primarily of Water citizens, if Kakashi had to guess.  Thirty two in all, and not a blanket or tent among them and only a few with warm clothing.

 

Isamu followed Kakashi's dark gaze.  "No provisions were deemed necessary," Isamu explained, touching a stick to the dirt map he'd drawn of the Kizanu infrastructure, mostly re-appropriated from Mist and civilian remains.  "We were supposed to make it from  here to the pitstop by nightfall, and then on to  here by the next."

 

The people were already cold, huddling around multiple fires.  Body heat and campfires would not suffice as October passed into December and beyond.  Even in Konoha, one would not be able to weather the winter with no shelter, and they were now much farther north.

 

Kakashi stared at the crudely drawn map, hands so tight on his knees that it began to hurt.  What did he care of the Kizanu?  That was Konoha's problem, not Kakashi's.  Not anymore.  He had enough problems of his own with thirty two recent additions, Kakashi told himself.  Still, he found himself committing the map to memory.

 

Sasuke gave Kakashi a calculating gaze, waited a beat, and then began asking Isamu questions of the sort Kakashi should be asking -- details about numbers, fortifications, future plans, and the like.  Isamu knew few of the answers but it was more than anyone knew back at Konoha, to be sure.

 

Seated between Kakashi and Sasuke, Sakura looked at the map too but she wasn't truly seeing it.  Usually, she sat with the women, but tonight they hadn't made space for her, the circle closed once more.  Sakura hadn't reacted, pretending she had intended to sit in on Kakashi's talk with Isamu all along.

 

She was doing a poor job of feigning interest, though.  Her eyes were glassy, the slight frown on her face set and dried.  Kakashi didn't press.  He knew what she was feeling because he felt the same.  Everything was flat, almost hollow.  The adrenaline from earlier in the day was gone, leaving behind nothing but emptiness.

 

It was always this way after the killing was over.  Each death leached something from deep inside, and it never came back.  Kakashi only wished Sakura never had to learn what it felt like, but this wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last.

 

"Aaaaaahhhhhh!"

 

Kakashi's spine stiffened at the shout, but he relaxed when a half-naked Makoto streaked past him gleefully.  It was bath night.  Every week, without fail, the women forced the children to bathe, hot water and all.  Despite bathing being a luxury the rest of them craved, only Hitomi ever went peacefully.  Katashi and especially Makoto never went down without a fight.

 

"You come back here, young man!" Rika said sternly, trying to catch her son.  "Don't you want to set a good example for Hitomi-chan?"

 

"She  likes it because she's a  giiirl ."  Makoto dodged handily, pulling down his eyelid rudely.

 

"What will Juugo-san say, hmm?"

 

At this, Makoto looked guilty.  "What do I need a bath for?" he whined anyway, pouting.  "No one else has to."

 

Sakura, much quicker on her feet than Rika even heavily pregnant, jumped up and easily anticipated Makoto's moves.  "Got you!" she crowed happily, reaching for the boy as she had countless times before.

 

In that split second before Sakura's hand touched Makoto's arm, his eyes went as wide as saucers.  Sakura froze at the look on his face, hunched over still even as Makoto scrambled straight to his mother.

 

Makoto was terrified.

 

Sakura did not turn and face them, straightening slowly.  Kakashi could hardly feel his kneecaps anymore he was squeezing so hard.

 

"No bath tonight," Rika said quickly, quietly, sliding away to grab Katashi as well.

 

The camp was silent.  Even the newcomers were watching carefully.  Sakura's shoulders rose and fell too quickly as her breaths came in too shallow.

 

One man from Lightning laughed with a hint of cruelty, lanky limbs so dark they blended with the night, making his smile and his sandy-colored hair stand out.  "She is shocked to see children run from her, yes?  What do you say -- boogeyman?  She is boogeyman.  She is ninja.  It is the same."

 

Explosively, Kakashi pushed into standing position, stepping in front of Sakura to protect her from the man's view.

 

"Do you not understand what we have sacrificed?" Kakashi spat.  "The position we put ourselves in?  For you?"

 

"We did not ask you to war with the Kizanu."  The man's speech was heavily accented with the clipped tones of the deep Lightning country where few ever visited and even fewer understood the native dialect.  "We owe no allegiance."

 

Sasuke chuckled darkly, looking far more at ease than Kakashi felt.

 

"Is that so?  Then we got rid of a few more boogeymen, so why complain?"  Sasuke's smile turned sinister as he met the Lightning citizen's gaze directly, standing to face him.  "Go, then.   We won't haunt you in the night, but the Kizanu?  No guarantees there."

 

"Both of you.  Don't."  Sakura's voice was dull, tepid.  "We can't ask them to understand.  It was the right thing to do anyway."

 

"Ungrateful little shits," Suigetsu said, his face sour like he'd just bitten into a lemon.  "It's the same no matter where we go.  Why bother?"

 

Suigetsu stormed off, muttering about relieving Sai from watch.  Alone now, Juugo slipped away after Rika.

 

Sasuke and the Lightning man were still engaged in some sort of glaring competition, and Kakashi did not miss how the other refugees, even those not from Lightning, watched on with bated breath.  The dark-skinned man finally stood down with a terse nod and took his seat by the fire, conceding.  A decision had been made.

 

Eager to escape the pounding in his own eardrums, Kakashi pressed a palm into the small of Sakura's back.  Obediently, she let him steer her towards their tent.

 

Inari raced after them.  "He's just a kid," he said to Sakura apologetically.  "He didn't know any better."

 

"It's fine, Inari-kun," Sakura said, sounding a little more like herself.  "I understand."

 

"Sakura," Inari tried again.  "Thank you. For ... you know."

 

Sakura reached up to run a hand through Inari's hair, for he was already taller than her.  "You're sweet.  But don't thank me for that."

 

This time, Inari let them pass.  Kakashi followed Sakura into their tent and sat down.

 

"Don't say anything," she said immediately, but her voice was a little too shrill.  "I already know."

 

"Back rub?" Kakashi said instead of what he had been planning.

 

She wiggled to move in front of him and swept her hair off her neck invitingly.  She leaned into his touch, enjoying it, but Kakashi was not surprised when her shoulders began to shake softly.

 

"Is this why they say ninja don't make good mothers?"

 

Kakashi's hands paused.  "Where did you hear that?"

 

"It doesn't matter," she said, tears beginning to drip down her chin.  When she couldn't contain her sobs anymore, she pushed him away.  "Just give me ten minutes."

 

"Sakura --" Kakashi began, reproachful, but she shrugged away from his fingers.

 

"I know it's silly.  But please."

 

Kakashi sighed and slipped out of the tent.  She had always been this way when she cried, but he didn't have to like it.

 

Sasuke was hovering not too far away.  "Is she --"

 

"Just leave it for a bit.  You know how she is," Kakashi said, shoving his hands into his pocket with a scowl.   When was Sasuke going to give them some space?

 

Sasuke said nothing but Kakashi could see the understanding on his face.  With nothing else to be done, Sasuke stalked away silently, which suited Kakashi just fine.

 

Kakashi found his feet leading him in a direction he knew Sakura wouldn't approve of, but his scowl only deepened and his path did not change course.  As he neared Rika's tent -- the only one salvaged on their travels, which she had patched for herself to share with both her children and Hitomi -- Kakashi slowed.

 

Juugo, it seemed, had beaten Kakashi to it.  The children were inside the tent presumably, but Juugo and Rika were outside it just clear of earshot, standing close together.

 

"Makoto will apologize to Sakura."  Juugo's voice was quiet but commanding as Kakashi had never heard it.  "Tomorrow."

 

"And why should he?" Rika hissed, straining her neck to look up at Juugo.  "He saw those hands kill today.  Why shouldn't he be afraid?"

 

"He has also seen her hands heal."  Juugo looked pained.  "He has also seen  me kill."

 

Rika's face hardened.  "Yes, and maybe I've let you too close to them.  They love you and I know you mean well, but you're so big.  You don't realize your strength sometimes.  You could snap their necks hardly thinking about it --"

 

Quick as a snake, Juugo put a hand to her throat, though he exerted no pressure.  Despite his rough actions, his eyes were wide and brimmed with unshed tears.  "No.  I could snap their necks with no thought  at all .  Or yours.  But I wouldn't.  Not ever.  Don't you see?"

 

Riko put her hands around his palm -- two to his one -- and slowly pulled his arm away.  "It's true.  You're different.  You were born into the wrong life, Juugo."

 

"No I wasn't."  Juugo's face was open, almost childlike in its sincerity.  "I was meant to bear my clan's curse so that it could help Sasuke become who he is.  And he showed me I was bigger than my clan.  That's how I know.  I know I would never hurt you or Makoto or Katashi."

 

With sudden strength, Rika yanked Juugo's shirt collar down so that he would bend enough for her to kiss him.  Juugo went rigid at first in surprise but slowly relaxed, casually lifting Rika so that they were more comfortably even in height.

 

Kakashi backed away before they saw him.  He should be happy for Juugo, who had finally found his confidence, but Kakashi was still empty.  He'd seen Juugo, day after day with those boys like they were his flesh and blood.  No one said a word, but it couldn't be more clear.  How could Juugo accept fatherhood so readily, even in times like this?  How could Juugo do such a thing for two children he'd only just met when Kakashi was still searching for the strength to do it for one that wasn't even born yet?

 

What was Kakashi supposed to do?  He had never imagined having a child.  It had never seemed like a possibility for him.  Kakashi's father had taught him to be a ninja, to wield the family tanto and then a sword.  Sakumo had taught him of honor, and Obito taught Kakashi that Sakumo was  wrong .

 

There was no Hatake family tanto anymore, and Kakashi no longer owned a sword.  Ninja had no more purpose except to cling to the past and be deservedly reviled for it, like boogeymen that stole children in the night.  Honor had died under the moon's eye and Kakashi did not grieve for it.

 

What did Kakashi have to offer a child?  Nothing.

 

Kakashi fled back to his tent, suddenly unable to bear the thought of being apart from Sakura for another second.  What if something happened while he was gone?  The image of Suzuka's body gaping open, tiny blue baby at her side, haunted him now as it did every day since he'd first seen it.  Only now, just as he did that night when the stench of viscera and fear and sadness hung in the air like a laden cloud, it was not Suzuka's face Kakashi saw on the mangled corpse.  It was not Suzuka's spindly legs splayed open, blood seeping from between them, but Sakura's muscular thighs and knobby knees.  It was Sakura bisected below the navel, insides strewn across the grass, the bloody mass almost purple in the light of the portentous moon.

 

And in Kakashi's hands was a baby,  their baby, only he had no idea what to do with it.  There was nothing to feed it, no Sakura to sew it wee little jackets, just Kakashi and his thousands and thousands of entirely useless jutsu.  But then he looked down and the baby was already dead, as Kakashi knew it would be -- because that is what happened to babies without mothers now.  They died, just like Sari had.

 

But none of the nightmares that plagued Kakashi had yet come to pass.  Sakura was in the tent where he'd left her, completely unharmed, still sniffling slightly though the wave of grief had passed.

 

"I missed you," she said, smiling when she saw him.

 

She was safe, and so far their baby was safe, and Kakashi would do anything --  had done anything -- to keep it that way.  He wished he could find the words to tell her that when he kept disappointing her again and again as she tried to be a family.

 

Kakashi crawled next to her and tore his mask down, almost scrambling to gather her into a sudden, searing kiss.  When they broke, he leaned his forehead on hers, breathing heavily.

 

"Kakashi," she said gently, pressing tiny kisses into his hairline.  "Hey now."

 

Just seeing Sakura there, waiting and smiling and saying she missed him, made Kakashi think it could all be possible.  Maybe they could find a way to raise a child even in this new world that was somehow both more and less savage.  If Sakura was with him, Kakashi could do it.

 

"You'll be a wonderful mother," he finally croaked.  "Being a ninja has nothing to do with it."

 

She pet his hair, making soft noises of comfort in his ear.  It was true, what he said.  She became more motherly with each passing day and Kakashi shied away from it because it terrified him.  It terrified him to the point he could no longer think straight.

 

Instinctively, his hands reached down between them to caress her pregnant belly.  It was impossibly round, like a ripe fruit ready to be plucked from the tree.  Before he knew it, there would be a baby in this world, one that came from Kakashi and Sakura no matter how everyone tried to tell them it shouldn't have.  As if the baby knew someone was thinking of him, he punched Kakashi right in the palm.

 

He . Kakashi made a broken sound halfway between a laugh and a sob, for he realized that he, too, had started thinking of the baby as a boy.

 

What if Kakashi truly lost them both?  Even the very first step -- labor -- seemed an insurmountable obstacle after Suzuka.  Sakura would have no medic.  In her hands, even a blunt kunai could bring hope for someone else, but none for herself.  If something went wrong, there would be no recourse.  All Kakashi knew how to reap with a kunai was death.

 

Sakura reached out to hold Kakashi's palm flat to her belly.  "See, he knows his daddy too," she whispered, smiling tentatively at Kakashi.

 

Kakashi didn't move his hand, hoping to feel the baby again.  "Does he?"  Even to his own ears, Kakashi's voice sounded weak and unsure.

 

How could Kakashi protect all the helpless people outside  and  the two people in this tent with him who mattered most?

 

"He can hear our voices, you know."  Sakura took Kakashi's hand and slid it higher; they were rewarded with a kick so hard it stretched the skin of her stomach.  "I bet he's already practicing how not to listen to them."

 

"He'll listen to me," Kakashi said, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of tears soaking into the material of the mask bunched at his throat.

 

Sakura swiped some wetness from Kakashi's cheek.  "Not if he takes after you he won't."

 

"He'll take after you," Kakashi said, wishing his voice wasn't so clogged.  "I'm sure of it."

 

Running her fingers through his hair again, Sakura drew Kakashi into a lingering but chaste kiss.  "You'll make a good father too, Kakashi."

 

Kakashi searched the green of her eyes.  "How do you know?"

 

She only smiled, placing a quick peck to the tip of his nose.  "I just know."

 

Kakashi held her close throughout the night, scared to ever let her go.

 

…

 

Kakashi was already awake by the time Suigetsu came to let him know it was his turn to be on watch, not without a few curses and Suigetsu-flavored kind of complaints. Sakura had fallen asleep, but her green eyes opened when she heard Suigetsu. When Kakashi crawled out of the tent, Sakura followed him, the soft smile on her lips leaving no room for argument.

 

Outside, they sat by the fire that Suigetsu had kept lit to keep himself warm, offering them a flickering light that eased Kakashi’s raw nerves. It was strange, really, to look at Sakura as she slept. Tonight was not the first night he had spent awake, eyes refusing to close in favor of his racing mind, but it was different. Sakura’s belly felt less of an intruder between them now, more a part of him and her that couldn’t simply be ignored.

 

Before long, Sasuke joined them, even if he was supposed to be asleep. Kakashi could recognize the heaviness under his eyes, for it was the same that weighed on Kakashi and grew bigger by the day. Sasuke couldn’t sleep, whether it was because of the boogeyman that terrorized his slumber or the boogeymen that would be on their tails soon enough.

 

Sakura, on the hand, squinted harder at the baby jacket as she worked on one of the sleeves. Like him, Sakura had wished she and Kakashi could stay undisturbed for a little longer, the moments of peace between them so few lately. Kakashi almost chuckled to himself when Sasuke hesitated, just barely, when he detected the hidden hostility in her gesture. Sakura had left quite an impression on him this afternoon, it seemed, with the earthquake that she created from her bare fist.  It hadn't occurred to Kakashi until it happened that Sasuke had never before seen Sakura in true battle.

 

“It’s coming along nicely,” Sasuke said, braving the danger of Sakura’s monstrous strength.

 

Prying, Sasuke leaned closer to see the stitching on the shoulder.

 

“Rika’s been teaching me,” Sakura answered, throwing a glance at Kakashi. “Now he won’t have to be naked when he’s born.”

 

Sasuke chuckled, looking down at her belly. Sometimes, the size of it still surprised even Kakashi, standing out so much against Sakura’s small frame.

 

“Is he breaking your ribs still?”

 

“Constantly,” Sakura huffed, pressing her palm to where the baby was no doubt kicking. “He is right now. I think he’s already mastered chakra-enhanced strength.”

 

Sakura grabbed Sasuke’s hand and slipped it inside her yukata, placing it on her belly where the baby kicked. Sasuke was always more open with her, more willing to let her in, as he was with no one else. Even under Kakashi’s scrutiny, Sasuke’s eyes widened when the baby kicked his palm, probably so hard that he could feel the shape of the baby’s foot.

 

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Sasuke asked as he pulled his hand away, pointedly ignoring Kakashi.

 

“No.” Sakura picked up the jacket again, getting back to work. “Rika says I should but I just don’t know what to name him. Plus, I don’t know if he really will be a boy.”

 

“Do you think he’ll be a boy with pink hair?” Sasuke chuckled, reaching to rub a few of Sakura’s pink strands between his fingers. “That would be an interesting mix, for sure.”

 

Would Sasuke one day accept fatherhood the way Juugo had? Sasuke had always been concerned with repopulating his clan, but certainly his understanding of what it meant differed greatly from when he was a twelve year old boy. Regardless, there was no mistaking the wonder that flashed in Sasuke’s eyes.

 

Sakura huffed, undisturbed by Sasuke’s proximity for once. “It would be cute, I guess.”

 

“My son is not having pink hair,” Kakashi deadpanned, earning himself surprised looks from both Sakura and Sasuke.

 

“Well, what will you do if he’s born with it?” Sakura looked away from Sasuke to Kakashi, eyes wide in excitement and a broad smile on her lips. “It’s not like we can decide.”

 

Kakashi shrugged and returned his attention to his fishing knots, squinting in the fire’s waning light. The baby would be the way he would be.

 

Sakura turned her head towards Sasuke again, biting her lower lip to keep her grin in check, Kakashi could tell. Sasuke didn’t miss the gratefulness in her eyes, probably inwardly cursing himself for facilitating their situation if Kakashi could judge from the scowl Sasuke failed to mask entirely.

 

Then, Sakura leaned against Kakashi, pointing out the little details of her work on the baby’s coat. Kakashi didn’t really care about the coat, knowing they would find the necessary supplies for the baby in time, but he smiled nonetheless. For a long time now, he hadn’t felt this light around Sakura, ever reminded of the impending doom that her belly would bring them. Talks of pink-haired boys, itty bitty jackets that couldn’t fit Kakashi's hands, or who the baby would take after didn’t bring the same terror anymore. Undoubtedly, Kakashi was scared out of his mind, but Sakura was there, holding his hand with inhuman strength that would suffice for the both of them.

 

When the thought of Kurenai recounting how Asuma had vomited right in her begonias as she told him he would be a father struck him, Kakashi laughed, unconcerned with the worried glance Sasuke and Sakura shared. Now, he could understand Asuma’s reaction to an uncomfortable degree.

 

“Well, since you’re having so much fun together,” Sakura said as she used Kakashi’s shoulder as a crutch to stand up, “I’m going to go to sleep.”

 

“Good night, Sakura.” Kakashi took her hand in his briefly before he let her slip away, locking eyes with her as she smiled that smile that warmed his insides better than any fire ever could.

 

“Sleep well,” Sasuke said.

 

For a while, neither Kakashi nor Sasuke moved, and Kakashi wondered if they weren’t playing a game without his knowledge. Would Sasuke win if he spoke or moved first?

 

“Are you here to talk about the weather again?” Kakashi teased, leaning forward just enough to relax, forearms on his thighs.

 

“I thought we’d made it clear small talk wasn’t for us,” Sasuke replied, resting his cheek in his palm.

 

Sasuke, too, wasn’t sure why they were  both still there. Kakashi smiled. “Then maybe we shouldn’t make small talk.”

 

“Really? You want a serious conversation  now ?” Sasuke laughed, careful to keep his voice from waking anyone. “If you had seams, there would be stuffing coming out of them.”

 

Kakashi chuckled, smirking under his mask. “I didn’t know you thought I was so cuddly, Sasuke-chan.”

 

Sasuke scoffed, narrowing his eyes. “Cuddly like a skunk.”

 

It was Kakashi’s turn to scowl. As usual, Sasuke was immune to his sense of humor and Kakashi didn’t know what to say to lighten the mood between them.

 

After a moment’s thought, Kakashi smiled, and Sasuke’s eyes narrowed further in anticipation. “I never could get along with my sensei either. Sad thing, really.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes returned to their normal angry brooding. Well, that was a step in the right direction. “Did you smash his favorite tomato, too?”

 

“No.” Kakashi laughed, scratching the back of his head. “I would never listen to him. Minato-sensei was right, of course, in the end, in everything he tried to teach me. But that’s what it’s like to be a boy, hm?”

 

“Why didn’t you get along?” This time, Sasuke’s voice held a hint of honest curiosity.

 

“I was impatient and full of myself,” Kakashi said, looking up at the starry sky as his mind revisited times long past. “I saw him as a hinderance. I wanted to progress faster, always.”

 

Sasuke didn’t answer immediately, eyes staring into the fire between them. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

 

“Ah, but that  was me. I grew up.” Kakashi sighed, leaning further into his palm as he watched Sasuke closely. “Reminds you of someone, doesn’t it?”

 

Sasuke didn’t answer and Kakashi could see that he would lose whatever ground he’d just gained if he didn’t change his course. “Sakura really is going to give birth soon. I wish Minato-sensei was there to see it. I wish Naruto was too. Don’t you?”

 

Abruptly, Sasuke stood up, startling Kakashi. “I’ve heard enough of your nonsense already.”

 

For a second, Kakashi only blinked as Sasuke retreated to his tent, and then he sighed, rubbing a palm down his face to try and ease his frustration. There was little to be done about Sasuke, it seemed, as even when Kakashi made a peace offering, all that Sasuke wanted was to keep to animosity between them alive and growing. His buzzing around Sakura, the way he touched her when he knew Kakashi could see, was only to get under his skin as well. Kakashi tolerated it for Sakura’s sake, but he was tired of it.

 

Under it all, Kakashi knew Sasuke hid secrets from them all, even from his darling Sakura. Sooner or later, Sasuke would reveal what he was hiding, willingly or not.

 

\---

 

That morning, Kakashi stayed in bed too long, well past the usual hour.  But when he got up, Kakashi stepped out of his tent ready to do what must be done.  As always, the camp was bustling with women cooking, the dog barking, children playing, people laughing.  As soon as Kakashi appeared, though, that all stopped.  For once, he appreciated it.

 

And just like usual, the pause was momentary, chatter starting up again quickly.  Kakashi made a jerking movement of his head and the ninja all stood wherever they were, realizing it wasn't any other morning.  Juugo peeled Makoto and Katashi from his shoulders.  Even Suigetsu wore a serious face.

 

Slowly, Kakashi walked forward and tapped Isamu on the shoulder.

 

Isamu frowned up at him, squinting between the waiting ninja and himself.  "Why --?"

 

Kakashi sighed, patience worn thin already before they'd truly begun.  "It is time to sort affairs.  You will speak for your faction."

 

"But  why ?" Isamu asked again, but Kakashi had not the equanimity to answer.

 

Isamu followed anyway as Kakashi moved toward the tall Lightning citizen who had challenged Sasuke last night.  He stood before Kakashi reached him, nodding.

 

Finally, Kakashi tapped Inari, who couldn't look more surprised, but still followed him towards the others.

 

"As you were," Sasuke said to the rest of the civilians as they left, the slight widening of his nostrils telling Kakashi he was already tetchy.

 

"The food stores are untenable," Sasuke snapped as soon as everyone settled into a circle.  "The women are blowing through them like water --"

 

"And what do you expect them to feed these people with?" Sakura asked, already on the defensive.

 

Sasuke pinched his nose, looking rather flushed and tired, as if he hadn't slept well.  "We don't have winter stores for forty-nine people, Sakura."

 

"Fifty," she corrected with a fierce glare, smoothing her hands over her pregnant belly.

 

Sasuke sighed.  "Fifty."

 

"And a dog.  Don't forget Puuko," Inari said with a weak smile, going for levity, but no one laughed.

 

"My point," Sasuke said, grinding his teeth, "is that we can't keep on as we have been.  Not now."

 

The tall, dark man cleared his throat, looking at Kakashi alone.  "You will strike the Kizanu.  Drive them from their bases.  Claim their resources.  Yes?"

 

Kakashi waited a beat too long to answer.  "It's a possibility."

 

Isamu's eyes were sharp, looking at the ninja one by one.  "The Kizanu are many.  You are few."

 

Suigetsu let out a barking laugh.  "You ain't figured it out by now, old guy?  We're hot shit."

 

Sai shot Suigetsu a disapproving glance and smiled kindly at Isamu.  "The tactical advantage is ours.  There is only one problem."

 

Isamu's features sank.  "Us.  We are like anchors to drag you down."

 

"There would be collateral damage.  It is inevitable," Sai confirmed delicately.  He was learning to temper his observations at last.

 

Sasuke made a noise of frustration in the back of his throat, clutching his fists to his side.

 

"No one could save  everyone , Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, still rubbing her belly thoughtfully.  "Not even Naruto."

 

Sasuke said nothing.

 

"So much death..."  Juugo's face was filled with despair.

 

"Then it's no good, right?" Inari said shrilly, looking a little green.  "We can't do that then."

 

"You understand little of this world,  boy ," the Lightning man said, sneering at Inari in condescension.

 

Inari shrank into himself, and Kakashi frowned.  True leaders were born, not chosen, and Inari had fallen into his natural role long ago.  When would he become comfortable with it and end the awkwardness?

 

"I said it was a possibility," Kakashi said, biting back annoyance.  "Not necessarily the best one.  The risk is high."

 

He knew they could see his gaze lingering on Sakura, and did not try and mask it.

 

"We must settle in for winter," Sasuke said quietly.  "There is no other way."

 

"And become sitting ducks for the Kizanu or whatever other fuckers are out there?" cried Suigetsu, scowling.  "No way!"

 

" We could maintain mobility," Sasuke snapped, glare fierce.  "They cannot."

 

Suigetsu did not back down.  "That 'tactical advantage,' then, we give that up, and for what?"

 

"Suigetsu," Sakura said softly, not meeting anyone's gaze.  "I can't maintain mobility either.  Not for much longer."

 

Suigetsu's sneer faded and for a brief second, his face reflected the bleak despondency shivering in the air around them all. Quickly he covered it with a scowl directed at Kakashi.

 

"You couldn't just keep it in your pants, could you?"

 

Kakashi quirked a smile.  "I'm afraid not.  So here we are."

 

The silence stretched too long, until a typically practical Sai broke it.  "It's too late to build enough sheltering structures in time."

 

Juugo's boyish face was somber.  "Soon, game will become scarce."

 

"Inland waters freeze over here.  We're well into Water Country now," Isamu said.

 

"Nearly to the border of Frost," Sai added, matter-of-fact.

 

"Well, we have to try anyway," Sakura hissed, glaring at them all as if they'd purposely betrayed her.  "Don't we?"

 

Kakashi said nothing.  They were all smart enough to work out what he would have said anyway.  Fear began to eat at his belly once more.  Fighting the Kizanu was easy.  Kakashi knew how to do it.  Feeding fifty hungry mouths through a harsh winter, on the other hand, Kakashi knew very little of.  But Kakashi remembered what Sakura said to him once, that just because something was easy didn't make it right, and knew the truth in it now.

 

"The sea doesn't freeze," Inari said suddenly.  "The sea provides food year round.  And we from Wave, we know the sea.  And it knows us."

 

The Lightning man looked at Inari with a new calculation in his gaze.  "Yes.  The boy is right.  The sea.  I am from the bowels of Bitan forest, known for its wildness, but there is much coast in Lightning.  Others know it.  As in Wave."

 

Inari jutted out his chin.  "My name is Inari."

 

The dark-skinned man grinned, showing his white teeth.  "And I am Jobu."

 

Isamu laughed, looking as if a weight had been lifted from his stooped shoulders.  "And here I thought I'd never build another boat."

 

"Well?"  Sakura looked between Kakashi and Sasuke, waiting.

 

"What choice do we have?" Sasuke said, still looking sour, but everyone else was smiling, daring to hope.

 

Kakashi nodded once and the circle dispersed, decision made.  The mood was much lighter now.  Jubo and Inari were engaging in small talk about coastal life.  Sai drew Isamu into a discussion about boat building.  Suigetsu threw an arm around Juugo's torso since that was as high as he could reach.

 

"Well, buddy, here we go again," Suigetsu said cheerfully, all disdain for the plan seemingly forgotten after Sasuke's final word.

 

"Once more, old friend," Juugo agreed, draping his own arm across Suigetsu's shoulders.

 

They returned to the rest of the camp, and Sakura smiled brightly and shared the news that they had a plan.  No one mentioned how tenuous the plan was, or the likelihood that all fifty of them would make it through the winter.  Hope was like a bubble and the slightest pinprick would burst it, so they just went on, protecting it as best they could.

 

\---

 

The next days were filled with relentless travel.  A timid Kizanu prisoner, a waifish Water country woman with wispy blonde curls, had come forward with knowledge of a small village in Frost Country.  A nomad tribe her village had traded with often used it to ride out the winter, she said, and then chased big game all the way to Bitan forest in the summer.  It was as good of a direction as any, so they'd been following it.  The casual traveling pace was done with, and they were driving the civilians to their limits, but there was no time to spare.

 

On the last day before they were estimated to arrive, Juugo came to wake Kakashi just before the sun woke them all.  Sakura pretended not to notice when Juugo disturbed them, feigning sleep, but Kakashi did not rouse her.  The pace was taking its toll on her as well, and she was self-conscious about having more in common with the civilians than the ninja nowadays.

 

But Juugo's long face was solemn as he led Kakashi towards Sasuke's tent without a word, his wild orange hair darkened to a strange coppery color in the eldritch light of dawn.  It made him look ominous, the silence between them becoming as heavy as his looming hulk as Kakashi pushed back the tatty flap of Sasuke and Suigetsu's tent.

 

Sasuke was curled up in his threadbare, filthy blankets, sweating.  He didn't even turn to look at Kakashi, or indeed seem to notice he was there.  Sai was quietly mopping at Suigetsu's forehead with a damp rag.

 

"You were supposed to bring Sakura," Suigetsu snapped at Juugo as he ducked in behind Kakashi, assuming the strange crouch he was always forced into to accommodate his bulk.  "What's  he going to do?"

 

"Sakura was tired," Juugo said delicately, dancing around the subject of her increasing feebleness they'd all been avoiding.  "I didn't want to worry her if it was ... unnecessary."

 

Suigetsu sighed, white brows knit in a rare display of worry-tinged empathy.  "Don't kid yourself."

 

"It isn't wise to expose her," Sai said, as matter-of-fact as always.  "But she will not stand for that, and besides, she's the only one qualified to determine if we must return to Konoha."

 

Suigetsu elbowed Sai out of the way to get to Sasuke, trying and failing to give him space.  Five men in one tent was at least two too many for comfort, especially when one of them was Juugo.

 

"Shut up, pastyface," Suigetsu said, expression sour.  "We don't need to go back to Konoha.  I thought Sasuke was the blind one.  Do you see any fucking spots?  Take a look, moron."

 

"Not yet I don't," Sai said coolly.

 

Despite his bravado, Suigetsu's hands were obsessive as he checked everywhere.  He pried open Sasuke's mouth, squinting to make sure there really were no sores.

 

The way Sasuke let Suigetsu manipulate his jaw, laying there limp and glassy-eyed, made Kakashi's blood run cold.  He knelt beside Sasuke, knowing before the back of his hand brushed Sasuke's forehead that the skin would burn to the touch.

 

Kakashi spoke with finality.  "It's time to wake Sakura."

 

\---

 

They continued to travel as usual, giving no word of explanation when Juugo was forced to carry Sasuke in his arms like a newborn kitten.  According to Sakura, there was no way to know yet what Sasuke's future held.

 

"People get sick sometimes," Sakura said.  "Especially when malnourished and exposed to the elements.  Sometimes it's nothing.  Haven't you ever had the flu?"

 

"And sometimes it's not nothing," Suigetsu said, uncommonly jittery and off kilter.

 

In a reversal of roles, Juugo was the steady one, brushing off civilian inquiries about the weakened man in his arms as if they were flies.  One stern glance at Makoto and Katashi was enough to keep the boys at bay, but the other civilians whispered amongst themselves, sending worried glances Sasuke's way.

 

The Lightning citizens did not bother to whisper, clattering in their harsh dialect.  One word became distinguishable as the talk spread to the others.

 

Battu .  Plague.

 

The illness originated in Lightning country and it was folly to think they would not fear anything like it, Kakashi knew.  He ignored it and pressed them harder.  They carried on, as Sakura advised.

 

Just as the sun was setting, they caught sight of it: small, boarded up houses on stilts, so close to the water it made Kakashi uncomfortable.  Still, the sight couldn't be more welcome.

 

"See, Sasuke-kun," Sakura whispered to the bundle in Juugo's arms.  "We made it.  Everything is going to be all right now."

 

Kakashi tightened his hand on her shoulder, wishing more than anything that he believed her.

  
  
  
  



	23. Crossing Paths

Mornings were quiet lately, or so it appeared to Yamato. Perhaps being surrounded by planks of wood -- a house -- just drowned more of the camp life’s noise than he had expected. Three months weren’t even enough to get used to the change. Somehow, it had been easier to shift between owning a decent apartment, where he rarely heard a peep, to sleeping out in the open or in a tent, surrounded by constant noise, than this. Guilt held a bigger responsibility than he was willing to admit -- what with all those families that still slept without so much as a tent to cover their heads? -- but Yamato preferred not to dwell on it. He was doing the best he could to help the village.

 

With a yawn, Yamato stretched, deciding he’d already spent too much time lounging in bed. It was just his sleeping bag on a table, really, but he liked to think of it as an actual bed. Eyes still heavy with sleep, he reached for his steel frame at his side. It took a moment for Yamato to register why he didn’t feel the smooth metal of it, the cold air on his arm. His chest dropped with a long sigh and Yamato moved his shoulder as if to inspect his imaginary left arm. There was no flesh to see, no cloth, only the ceiling. 

 

Yamato didn’t move. It was hard to choose between the disheartening temptation of remaining in bed to cry or the urge to smash his one good hand through the wall. So, he remained neutral, staring emptily into a space that should have been filled. Nine months of this. Nine months of mornings and nights, of waking up to the blissful few seconds -- a minute, if he was lucky -- of the ignorance of mornings. It was to wonder if there would ever be a day that he wouldn’t feel his left arm tingling, itching to move as if it were still attached to his shoulder.

 

At the very least, there was no pain anymore, not physical pain. The sight of his stump was still a terrible one, with the rough burn scars and discoloration of his skin, but at least he didn’t smell of charred flesh anymore. The smell alone had been enough to make him vomit when Aoba had pressed the searing blade of his sword against his open wound. The sound of his skin sizzling had even distracted him from the pain for a moment. As if having his arm lopped off like it was nothing more than a twig hadn’t been enough. 

 

Still, who was he to complain? He was alive.

 

Who had he even lost, in the end? Naruto was gone, but Kakashi was still alive, and so were Sakura and Sai. He’d seen the faces of those left alone; the faces of Konohamaru and Lee at Tenten and Udon’s funeral would never leave his mind.  Count your blessings, he reminded himself.

 

…

 

“There you are!”

 

Yamato froze mid-step, the corners of his mouth falling as Shizune’s voice called him. Quickly, his eyes scanned his surroundings for an easy escape route, but to no avail. Waterfall district was still in shambles almost three months after the fire and was mostly an open field -- although it was arguable whether it had really been in any better shape to start with. 

 

Behind him, Shizune pulled on his sleeve with what felt like her all her might in order to twist him around. “I told you last month to come see me for another check up. I hope you realize you’re only hurting yourself by delaying it.”

 

Yamato hung his head, flattening his lips in a thin line. “I’m busy. My arm is fine.”

 

“That’s no excuse.” Shizune frowned, the lines hard on her usually smooth, happy face. With the same delicate manner she had grabbed his sleeve, she now tugged at his shirt, unceremoniously disrobing him. “Now let me take a look.”

 

Yamato frantically pulled on his sweater, but Shizune was having none of it and didn’t relent until his upper body was exposed, leaving him to shiver in the cold of November afternoons. “Can’t we just go to your office?” Yamato whined as he hugged himself for warmth with his good arm. “I’d rather not feel so  exposed .”

 

Shizune huffed. “Your fault. Deal with it.”

 

Groaning, Yamato gave in when Shizune’s hands started glowing green and groped him. All around, he could feel the stares of the Waterfall refugees, some even shameless enough to laugh at his misery. 

 

“Do you still have pain at night?”

 

“No,” Yamato lied.

 

Shizune hummed quietly as she prodded at his arm, then his shoulder and back. Resigned to his faith, Yamato stood obediently still. If anything, it felt nice to be touched by her soft hands. Perhaps he ought to lie about being in more pain, and not the opposite. 

 

“Well,” Shizune said as she handed him his sweater back, “everything looks just fine. It healed nicely, for the state it was in at first.”

 

Yamato immediately slipped back in his shirt, grateful for the warmth that came with it. “That’s good to know then.”

 

Without another word, Shizune spun on her heels and headed back towards the Konoha district.

 

“Ah, Shizune!” Yamato called, jogging after her.

 

Shizune twisted her body to look back at him, impatience written on her face. “What is it?” 

 

“Are you free tonight?” Yamato asked, cutting straight to the heart of the subject instead of dilly dallying. “We could have dinner together.”

 

Shizune’s eyes narrowed slightly, lips parting before she finally answered, “I have more patients to attend to.”

 

“Oh.” Yamato nodded, scratching the back of his neck. “Of course. I’ll see you later then.”

 

“Later.” Shizune nodded and left.

 

Once she was several steps away, Yamato expelled a long breath, deflating. His evening activities would stay faithful to the daily routine it seemed: a bland meal and maybe a few pages of Kakashi’s Icha Icha book.

 

“Don’t take it so hard.” Yamato started when Genma clapped him on the back, solidary smirk plastered on his face. “I think she’s turned to ice since Hiashi became Hokage.”

 

Yamato chuckled uncomfortably. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

 

“Trying my luck here after Shizune shot me down last night,” Genma said, chewing a little harder on his senbon. “That woman’s something, let me tell you.” When Yamato didn’t answer, Genma threw an arm around his shoulders and dragged him towards the heart of the district. “C’mon, I know a fun place here.”

 

Yamato didn’t need more to know where Genma was taking him. 

 

“Here we are,” Genma said when they stood close to several women, some more scantily clad than others, and the men that surrounded them. 

 

“This isn’t quite my idea of fun,” Yamato said bluntly, eyes nonetheless attracted by the display of naked skin.

 

“Eh.” Genma shrugged, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. “Any woman who’s intelligent enough won’t fuck you. Not for free. It’s too risky now.”

 

Yamato didn’t know what to answer, so he simply watched as Genma bartered with another man, quickly trading his cigarettes for a couple jars of moonshine. Waterfall was where most of the camp’s illicit activities took place, most likely due to its poorer state. It was part of Yamato’s job to report such goings-on, but he didn’t have the heart to take away what little they had. It wasn’t a few kegs of moonshine that would make the village collapse, after all.

 

“Here.” Genma handed Yamato a jar before he popped his open. “My treat.”

 

To say that the taste for the drink was acquired was an exaggeration. Regardless, Yamato opened his bottle and took a large gulp. Shitty alcohol was better than none at all. “Thanks.”

 

“No problem, man,” Genma said as he dropped to sit on the grass. “You looked down in the dumps when Shizune turned you down.”

 

Yamato laughed, somewhat embarrassed as evidenced by the slight warming of his cheeks. Or was that the alcohol already burning its way into his bloodstream? “It gets lonely lately.”

 

“I feel you,” Genma chuckled, sipping some more of the brew. “Can’t be easy now that your best pal skipped town.”

 

“Yeah…” Yamato tightened his hand around his jaw, fidgeting with the tips of his fingers. “I never imagined Kakashi could ever do something like that.” 

 

Genma grunted. “It’s a shitty thing he did.”

 

After a few sips, which tasted much like what he imagined detergent tasted like, Yamato hummed. “I can’t blame him. Wouldn’t you put your wife and your child’s safety before all, Genma?”

 

Genma raised his hands in exasperation, the liquid sloshing in his jar. “Truth be told, if my girl didn’t terminate the pregnancy, I’d tell her to deal with it herself.”

 

Swallowing a mouthful that made him cough, Yamato stared at his companion. “That’s harsh, don’t you think?”

 

“Maybe,” Genma said, shrugging his shoulders, “but the guy fucked his student. That’s fucked up, man.”

 

Yamato paused, masking his hesitance with another gulp of his drink. “I know it is,” he finally said, hanging his head. “But I think he really loves her. I’ve known Sakura a while myself, and she’s no idiot.”

 

Genma scoffed, staring down into his jar, an emptiness into his eyes that everyone seemed to carry now. “Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. It ain’t none of my business in the end. Doesn’t explain why you’re still here and they’re not.”

 

Yamato’s lips thinned in a small line, his teeth grinding behind them. As much as he tried to hide it, Yamato was angry. Angry that Kakashi had slept with Sakura -- whether or not he seduced her -- angry that Kakashi didn’t have the guts to tell him… angry that, even if it was Yamato's own decision, he was left behind while even Sasuke wasn’t. Most of all, in the end, Yamato was angry that he didn’t have the courage to do what  he wanted for once, and not what was expected of him.

 

“Don’t take it so personal.” Genma grabbed Yamato’s shoulder, giving it a rough shake and pulling him out of his thoughts. He smiled, shifting the senbon between his lips.  “Kakashi does whatever the fuck he wants. That’s how it’s always been. He’s special like that. Things aren’t the way they were before.”

 

“They sure aren’t,” Yamato whispered before tipping his head back to swallow another mouthful of moonshine.

 

“Need some company, boys?” 

 

Yamato looked up to see a tall Waterfall woman standing before them, one of her arms wrapped around a smaller black-haired beauty. 

 

“I sure wouldn’t mind,” Genma cheered, tapping his thigh. 

 

The taller woman sat in Genma’s lap, and, somehow, Yamato was surprised by the ease behind her movements. Yamato had had the good luck of avoiding brothels up until now, a lucky streak he’d rather have kept going. 

 

The other woman sat by his side, touching her hand to his shoulder gently. “What’s your name?”

 

“Yamato.” 

 

Quickly, he drank again, phasing out the dirty conversation that Genma was already building with his new friend.

 

“Don’t you want to know my name?”

 

Yamato glanced sideways at the woman. Without a doubt, she could make any man’s head turn with her big brown eyes and a mouth that begged to be kissed. To say she was blessed by nature was an understatement, as her charms didn’t end there. Curvy in all the right places and generously round where it mattered -- everything to grab Yamato’s attention.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Ai,” she replied, smiling cheekily.

 

Yamato nodded, not letting himself be distracted by the way she massaged his shoulder and the cheerful look her brown eyes offered. “That’s a nice name.”

 

“You’re from Konoha, aren’t you?” she asked, tone light and friendly, as she leaned forward to take a better look at his steel frame. 

 

Unlike Genma’s companion, Ai was dressed modestly, if not slightly boyish. Yamato much liked that, as modesty fit her cute dimples and manners much better.

 

“I am.”

 

Yamato made it a point to look straight ahead and not at her. For all he knew, this woman had children to feed and a husband to return to. It wasn’t uncommon these days; sex was easy to sell for a decent price, and a full belly was expensive nowadays. Even Konoha’s women weren’t above it. Yamato swallowed another mouthful of detergent.

 

“Don’t be so stiff,” Ai giggled, playfully slapping his shoulder. “I’m not going to bite you.”

 

“That’s not quite what I’m afraid of,” Yamato chuckled, daring to throw a glance her way. 

 

No doubt, she was beautiful. Tempting, even. Did he even have anything to trade?

 

“I always see you around here. You always look so stressed,” Ai said quietly, lips forming a cute, worried pout. “Tell you what, I’ll help you with that.”

 

When Ai stood on her knees, Yamato pulled away quickly, grabbing her shoulder to keep her from getting any closer than she already was. “That’s very, ah, nice of you, but I’m alright.”

 

Ai laughed and swatted his hand away, unaffected. “That’s not what I was offering, you naughty boy.” Shaking her head, she smiled, brighter and wider than before. Now that Yamato didn’t resist, she sat behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “This is just a little gift for you, okay?”

 

Yamato nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat when Ai’s hands rubbed his shoulders. It wasn’t long before Yamato sighed, relaxing under her touch. 

 

“I always loved giving back rubs,” Ai said quietly. “It’s a talent I have.”

 

“You’re very talented,” Yamato chuckled before drinking again. 

 

“Maybe you can return the favor sometime.” Yamato shivered when Ai slipped her hands under his shirt and her cold fingers touched his skin. “I sure wouldn’t mind.”

 

Yamato almost groaned in satisfaction when Ai massaged a tight knot in his back, melting away the discomfort that had been lodged there for months. “I’ll see what I can do, maybe.”

 

“How unfair,” Ai whispered in his ear as she pressed her chest to his back. Even through the layers of clothes, he could feel her soft breasts flattening against his back. Moving as if she owned his skin, her hands traveled to his chest, rubbing small circles on his breast. “Just a maybe, really?”

 

Yamato bit the inside of his bottom lip. He couldn’t blame Genma for enjoying this place, if the women always gave out free back rubs and complimentary teasing. “Yeah, maybe,” he said, a little breathless.

 

“You should be nicer to women,” Ai reprimanded as her fingers slid down to the band of his pants. 

 

When Ai reached inside his pants to touch his semi-hard shaft, Yamato grabbed her wrist, throwing her a glance over his shoulder. In doing so, he saw that Genma and his own companion were already way past the back rub stage.

 

“Your shirt’s so big,” Ai purred in his ear. “Nobody will see. Nobody’s paying attention.”

 

Her hands pulled free of his loosened hold until her fingers wrapped around his member. Yamato grit his teeth, closing his eyes as he sucked in a deep breath. It wasn’t long before she worked up a nice rhythm and Yamato had to stop himself from bucking his hips. 

 

“See, it’s not so bad when you relax,” Ai encouraged, pressing her lips to his ear. “How about we go back to your place? I’m good at all kinds of massages.”

 

When Ai rubbed her thumb over the head of his erection, Yamato audibly moaned. Not without effort, he grabbed Ai’s wrist again and pulled her hand away from his genitals.  “I’m afraid I’m not willing to trade for that."

 

Ai flashed him a bright smile, then placed a kiss on his cheek. “That’s too bad. Come see me whenever you change your mind.”

 

“Sure thing,” Yamato chuckled as he stood up, not bothering to check up on Genma before he left.

 

…

 

Yamato didn't like to think of himself as being part of a boys' club, so to speak, but the way Ai's smile lingered in his mind made it hard to deny.

 

Ino didn't make it any easier to shake the realization of the sort of privileged society he belonged to as a high ranking man.  Before, Yamato had always let Sai handle it when their positions crossed paths.  It had been easier, Yamato thought, but only now did he realize it had been easier not because Sai and Ino were more familiar but because it made Yamato himself uncomfortable.

 

Ino was Yamato's equal, or arguably higher.  That was fine in theory but difficult to reconcile with the image he had of her in his mind's eye, giggling with Sakura like schoolgirls.

 

Not that that was the reality, most of the time.  Ino had become quite serious in dire times.

 

"This is impossible," Ino complained, pushing away a drawing of the camp layout.  "I'm supposed to allocate more resources for Sand, they say, but it's obvious they need to go to Waterfall and the other refugees.  It has to be some perceived political pressure, but I can't see Gaara denying anyone what they need to survive -- but what if he is?  He stonewalls about certain things, and I don't want to turn our friendship into something political.  Shikamaru would kill me."

 

Ino rubbed the bridge of her nose.  It was almost lunch time, and she was shedding her businesslike facade in layers.  Sometimes, like now, Ino began to talk to Yamato on a personal level, and that's when he itched to be elsewhere.  He couldn't say why -- she was a nice girl, and now more than ever, he was lonely.

 

But despite her rank, she was a sixteen year old girl.  Unlike Kakashi, Yamato couldn't seem to bridge the gap -- and if he could, what would that say about him?

 

"The decision is out of our hands.  You're a bright wom --" Yamato coughed into his fist.  "-- girl.  I'm sure you'll figure it out."

 

Ino's fine brows down turned in the middle.  "It could have been me, you know -- I could have been married and pregnant.  Sakura and I aren't so different.  Is she not a woman either?  Because her expanding uterus begs to disagree."

 

"I --" Yamato could feel his cheeks heating in embarrassment.  "I meant no offense.  But she is too young for such things too."

 

Ino sighed and stood up from the table, rolling up the blueprint and handing it to him.  "I used to think it was rapey too, you know."

 

Yamato choked on whatever he had been trying to say, hand tightening on the blueprint, crinkling the paper.

 

"I mean, she says he's not lazy in bed, but is it just because he goes down on her and does porny stuff like the perv he is?  It was the way he shushed her, really, like he didn't care about her opinion --"  When Ino looked up at Yamato's face, her brows arched in surprise.  "You don't know what I'm talking about.  Whatever, just don't yak on me.  Pretend to be a mature adult who respects my opinion for like a minute, and think about what I'm saying.  Because I was wrong.  He  does care about her opinion.  It's all he cares about.  And she cares about his.  And this hang up you have with me, whatever it is, he doesn't have it with her.  It's not like that, no matter how much you and I might wish it never happened.  It did happen, and if you took five seconds to look at them, you'd realize it's time to get used to it and move on."

 

Yamato reeled.  Ino had lost the last of her professionalism, now surly and irked with him, but she seemed to have a much better grip on the situation than him regardless.

 

"You and Kakashi seemed close -- didn't he say anything to you?"

 

When Yamato didn't respond, Ino put her hands on her hips, exasperated.

 

"Boys," she spat in disgust.  "They never talk about  anything ."

 

"I don't know what to think," Yamato finally said, speaking slowly.  "But they seem to have made a decision, so I'm not sure if what I think matters."

 

"Of course it does," Ino said, voice a little softer.  "To you, and to them."

 

Suddenly even more uneasy with the turn of the conversation, Yamato answered her question on a delay.

 

"He tried to tell me, one time.  Something about a bath, a game of cards, and foolishness, and -- I just couldn't understand."

 

But you see, kohai, Sakura understands.

 

Kakashi's words came back to Yamato now like an echo.

 

"You're trying too hard," Ino said, pulling Yamato back to reality.  "It's really that simple.  Don't you wish you had someone who understood you like that?  I know I'm glad I have Lee."

 

Yamato said nothing once again, trying not to drown in his own misery.  Ino, it seemed, took pity on him, for the shrewdness receded from her eyes.

 

"Other problems should be as simple as that, too.  My Lee wouldn't be out hauling wood all day if you could just pull it from your fingertips like you used to."

 

She smiled like she meant it to be funny, but it only made Yamato feel worse.

 

"I can't," he said tersely, finally letting some of his frustration surface.  "Don't you think I've tried?  It's like my earth chakra is gone."

 

Ino frowned.  "Gone?  How can that be?"

 

"Not gone, really.  It's like --" Yamato struggled to find the words. He flexed his hand before him, visualizing them as if they were both still there.  "Like if it was a water hose, there's a kink in it somewhere, but it's too tangled to find."

 

Ino's eyes suddenly lit up like the sky.  "Of course! Come with me.  Officially, we're on lunch break if anyone asks."

 

Ino grabbed his hand and started yanking him through the camp.

 

"Where are we going?" he asked, already resigned to his fate.

 

"To see Hinata," Ino chirped, cheerful.

 

Yamato wasn't sure why he was bothering, but he had to ask.  "Why?"

 

Ino just shot him a dirty look over his shoulder as if he was an idiot.  He supposed he was.

 

She dragged him right into the hub building in the middle of town, which was supposed to be strictly for essential business.

 

The guard stopped her.  "What purpose have you here?"

 

Ino smiled sweetly.  "We have to discuss logistics with Hyuuga Hinata."

 

The guard -- Hyuuga, of course -- eyed Ino suspiciously.  "Last time you said that, Hinata-sama left and came back with a baby.  She hardly got any work done, too busy with babysitting."

 

Ino's smile ticked up, but in a dangerous way.  "Really, Taka, do you want to talk about getting work done, because --"

 

Shikamaru pushed open the door from inside, looking as beleaguered as ever.

 

"Let her in, Taka.  You know it's no use.  She'll just shriek our heads off otherwise." 

 

"Shika-kun," she purred, wrapping her arms around him.  He seemed bored.  "You know you love me, right?"

 

"I'm not involved," Shikamaru warned, trying to appear strict but failing.

 

"Of course not."  Ino kissed Shikamaru on the cheek and disentangled from him just to shove Yamato through the open door.

 

She frogmarched him straight into Hinata's office.  Hinata only looked up and smiled, apparently used to surprises.

 

"Ino.  Yamato-san.  To what do I owe the pleasure?"

 

"I've got something interesting for you," Ino said, then poked Yamato in the ribs.  "Go on.  Try and make wood!"

 

Yamato just stared at her until she sighed.

 

"If there's a kink in your hose or whatever, Hinata can unkink it.  Obviously."

 

"I see," hummed Hinata, and the veins in her forehead began to pop with the strain of activating her Byakugan.

 

Finally, Yamato caught up and did as Ino said, trying to use wood release as he used to.  And like always, the water element came easily, but the earth did not.  In the end, Yamato was left only with water dripping from a closed fist.

 

Hinata stood up, slowly walking around Yamato in a circle, looking at him as if she was seeing him for the first time -- more specifically, as if she was looking  through him.

 

"Again," she said, with some command in her voice.

 

Yamato obeyed, ignoring the prickling along his neck.  He'd never thought of Hinata as creepy before, but he couldn't deny it now.

 

"And before, you would do it how -- cup your hands, like this, wasn't it?"

 

Yamato nodded, puzzled.

 

"Wait just a moment," she said, sounding more like herself, and slipped out of the room.

 

Quickly, she returned with another Hyuuga, his Byakugan already blazing.

 

"Once more, please, Yamato-san," Hinata said politely, the effect lost as he couldn't help but look into her empty eyes and shudder.

 

Still, Yamato obeyed again.

 

"Ko-kun?" Hinata said expectantly.

 

"You're right, of course, Hinata-sama," the man said, and nodded.  "I've never seen anything like it, but it's clear as day.  He has two nearly separate chakra systems."

 

Hinata deactivated her Byakugan.  "Thank you for your patience, Yamato-san.  I think you'll find that your trouble stems not from your missing appendage, but how you conceptualized your chakra to begin with."

 

Yamato stared blankly.  He was no novice to molding chakra -- in fact, he was rather advanced -- but he couldn't understand what she was saying.

 

"Unlike anyone else I know of, you have two chakra systems.  Their coils flow in opposite directions, which is particularly interesting."

 

Ino cocked her head.  "I bet the First had a weirdo twinsy system too.  You think?"

 

"He could have," Hinata said, suppressing a giggle before regaining her composure to address Yamato again.  "Your clockwise system is on the left, with your remaining arm, but your counterclockwise system is predominantly on the right.  I believe you mold the water element on the left, and the earth element on the right."

 

Yamato frowned.  "But without my right arm, how can I --?"

 

Hinata shook her head.  "It isn't your arm that made your chakra.  That was just a crutch you used to blend the elements into wood release.  The problem now is that your earth chakra has nowhere to go because you're not connecting your clockwise system to your counterclockwise system with your hands anymore."

 

Yamato stared at his palm and the space where his other palm should be, unsure if the ache in his stump was real or in his mind.  How could he connect something with nothing?

 

The other Hyuuga, Ko, smiled reassuringly at Yamato.  "There is no reason you chose to mold your earth chakra counterclockwise and your water chakra clockwise.  It's probably just how you first learned to differentiate it when you were younger.  So, theoretically, you could learn to mold it a different way instead."

 

Yamato flexed the fingers of his left hand, feeling the fingers of his right hand flex too but knowing it was in his imagination.  "But how?"

 

He had never truly discovered how to make wood -- he just did it.  Until now.  So how could he unlearn what he had never learned in the first place?

 

"Unfortunately," Hinata said, quirking her lips apologetically, "I don't have an answer for that.  But maybe now you can work on it."

 

Ino scrunched up her nose, deep in thought.  "Clockwise, counterclockwise.... Why not just think of it backwards?"

 

"In theory, that would work," Ko laughed.

 

Mind racing, Yamato tried it -- or attempted to.  This time, he didn't even produce water, so discombobulated was his mind.

 

"Theory and practice are two different things," Ko warned, and then turned to Hinata.  "We really should return to headquarters.  Your father will be expecting us."

 

Hinata frowned.  "Yes, I nearly forgot.  Sorry Ino, Yamato-san.  You'll have to excuse me."

 

"Thanks, Hina-chan," Ino said, beaming.

 

Hinata only shook her head.  "I just wish I could have been of more use. I'm sorry. Neji would know how to help --"

 

"You  have helped," Yamato said firmly.  "Thank you."

 

With a small smile, Hinata and Ko were gone, leaving Yamato with his thoughts -- and Ino, of course.

 

"We better hurry up and eat," she said, hurrying out the door without looking back.

 

Because he knew nothing else, Yamato followed her.

 

...

 

If anything, Yamato had hoped it wouldn’t take a mere few days before his resolve broke. But after several days of trying again to again to “think backwards” with no resulting wood release, he still found himself heading for Waterfall district again, searching for one lovely face with those pouty lips that whispered fun things in his ear. With the sun already set and little light left, it was harder to find her, but he still didn’t take long.

 

“Ai.”

 

Ai turned around, no longer blocking the child before her from his view. “Yamato?”

 

“Ah.” Yamato hesitated, staring at the young boy, the spitting image of his mother with his own black hair and cute brown eyes. “I’ll come back later. I didn’t mean to disturb you while…”

 

“It’s nothing,” Ai said quickly, ushering the boy inside what must have been their tent. “Kato, just wait for me here, okay?”

 

The boy grumbled and argued, but still obeyed. 

 

Ai stepped closer to Yamato then, smiling sweetly. “Already missing me?”

 

Yamato scanned the area furtively, fearing what, he didn’t know. “I changed my mind.”

 

All smooth moves, Ai laced her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, “One meal for a blowjob. No kissing or penetration. No haggling or changing the rules.”

 

Yamato couldn’t help but be disappointed. It wasn’t so much the price or the limits, but the lack of the warmth she had showed him earlier. He had been naive to expect anything else than business, but he still found himself in the same place regardless. “Okay.”

 

And just like that, he found himself in his house with Ai. He felt strangely exposed when he sat on his bed naked, Ai in the same state of undress as he was. She lost little time, taking his flaccid member in her mouth and teasing it into erection.

 

Yamato’s heart started pumping wildly in his chest, making it almost difficult to breathe between his quick pants. Ai’s mouth felt good, no doubt about that, but Yamato still found himself staring at the wall in front of him, wondering if he should have placed a window there. Probably not -- it would have been a bad idea. With no curtains or different rooms to hide in, every passerby would be able to spy in his home -- in other words, see that he had paid a complete stranger just to suck him off. 

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

Yamato looked back down at the young woman on her knees before him, pretty brown eyes wide and questioning. 

 

“Ah, not at all,” Yamato said quickly. “I’m a bit distracted and tired, is all.”

 

“Why don’t you focus on me instead?” she purred, reaching for his right hand to press it against her large breast.

 

Though not without a second of hesitation, Yamato kneaded the flesh, appreciating its soft feel and the mellow resistance it opposed to his palm. Ai was a beautiful woman and it was hard to resist her charms.

 

“Isn’t that better?” Slowly, she gave his shaft a long lick and Yamato shuddered. “Don’t take your eyes off of me.”

 

Well, he had to give it to her. It did feel a lot better, watching her take him in her mouth again, bobbing her head up and down while her tongue worked wonders to tear moans and groans from his throat. Now that he let himself enjoy the pleasure Ai was provoking, either with her mouth or the sexy show she put on, it wasn’t long before Yamato tangled his fingers in her black hair, helping her move with just the right rhythm until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

With one long grunt, he came, but Ai didn’t move away, instead swallowing any trace of his orgasm, an effective way to make Yamato’s eyes roll back into his skull with pleasure. 

 

Immediately, Ai grabbed her clothes and slipped her panties back on. Yamato reached for her, grabbing her arm perhaps a little too roughly in his haste, still panting from his orgasm. 

 

“You’re leaving already?”

 

“You got what you paid me for,” Ai said, shrugging, detached. “I have other things to do now.”

 

Before he even thought them, the words were out of his mouth, “Stay longer.”

 

Ai hesitated, bunching her eyebrows together in thought in a cute manner. “It will cost you twice what you already paid me then.”

 

“Alright.”

 

The moment he agreed, Yamato knew he would regret it when it was his turn to be hungry, but right now it didn’t matter. Ai sat by him on his bed, removing her panties in the same motion. Yamato could feel the warmth of her pale thigh against his.  

 

“What do you want to do then?” Ai asked stretching her legs in front of her. “You just came, so you’re not gonna get hard again right away, will you?”

 

Although she’d been exactly that way when he first talked to her barely a few days prior, Yamato couldn’t help but chuckle at her boldness. “Can I kiss you?”

 

Yamato knew she had made it clear that kissing wasn’t option, but he still found himself craving it more than even watching her swallow his cum. Carefully, he stroked her cheek with his thumb, gazing into her beautiful eyes as he waited for her to answer.

 

Ai frowned, calculating, but then nodded. “Okay.”

 

Yamato leaned in, hesitating once or twice before pressing his mouth to hers. Hiring a prostitute for the first time was somewhat like having sex for the first time, Yamato noted. Awkward, needing to ask for too many permissions for pleasure that didn’t last long enough. Ai’s lips hesitated to move against his, but as she warmed up to him, Yamato wrapped his arm around her small body to pull her closer to him.

 

Carefully, Yamato lied down on his left side, taking Ai with him. It wasn’t long before his tongue was rubbing against hers, exploring her mouth gradually. Regardless of the lack of toothpaste and brushes, Ai tasted sweet, like a candy he’d enjoyed a few times when he visited Waterfall. Eyes closed as his body relaxed, lulled by the heat emanating from Ai’s body, Yamato ran his palm down her neck to her hip, tracing the generous curve of it with the tips of his fingers. Under his touch, he could feel the goosebumps rise on her skin. 

 

He wanted to hear her moan, feel the temperature of her skin rise.

 

With some impatience, Yamato leaned down to press a few kisses to Ai’s breast before he caught her nipples between his lips to suckle on it. His hand snaked between her thighs, cupping her sex. Ai’s hands grabbed his hair and her thighs tightened together, but Yamato didn’t stop just yet.

 

“I won’t hurt you,” he breathed against the supple flesh of her breast. “Just enjoy it. I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

 

Ai trusted him, it seemed, as she relaxed forcefully and allowed him better access without a word. 

 

Yamato wasted no more time. It wasn’t hard nor long before she was bucking against his hand, panting and sometimes allowing a moan to pass between her full lips. Clumsily, Yamato pulled away, earning himself a confused look from Ai until understanding flashed across her eyes when he moved lower to kiss his way down her taut stomach. When his tongue rubbed against her clit, she groaned loudly, thighs quivering against his shoulders.

 

It took even less time for her to be twitching under him, a moaning and trembling mess on the verge of climax.

 

Quickly, Yamato pulled away to hover above her so he could ravish her mouth again. Ai was hesitant again, though it didn’t take more than a second before her fingers were gripping his bicep greedily. 

 

“I want you,” Yamato breathed into her mouth. “Ai.”

 

Immediately, Ai’s legs locked around his hips and pulled him closer. “Don’t stop, please.”

 

Relieved, Yamato sank into her slowly, dropping his head so his forehead rested against hers as the pleasure washed over him. Ten months of celibacy were long overdue to meet their end. Just as he’d hoped, it wasn’t more than a few thrusts before Ai clenched around him, screaming her climax. 

 

This time, even when he came and rolled on his side, Ai didn’t move. Yamato remained silent, not wanting to spoil the nice feeling that hung in the air. Maybe if she stayed in his bed long enough, he wouldn’t remember the loneliness.

 

“I have to go now,” Ai said after a moment.

 

Yamato’s heart dropped but he didn’t let on, instead offering a weak smile. “Your son to return to, I imagine.”

 

“No, just my little brother that I have to take care of,” Ai said quietly, expression darkening as she wiped his semen off her stomach with his blanket. Already, he missed the gentle and cheerful looks in them. “He works the pits and knowing him he hasn’t bathed without me there to force him.”

 

Yamato frowned. The pits? Certainly, she couldn’t have a sibling so young. A cousin, perhaps. “Your brother? Wouldn’t he be too old for that?”

 

“He’s eight.”

 

Confused, Yamato sat up. “How old are you?”

 

Ai sat up as well and bit her lip, fidgeting with her fingers between her legs and staring down at them.  “I might as well tell you the truth after what we just did. I’m seventeen.”

 

Yamato’s shoulders dropped. The gods must be laughing at his expense. 

 

“Don’t feel bad, please,” Ai said quickly when she noticed the change in his posture. Softly, she held his left shoulder, looking up at him with guilty eyes. “It was nice. I’m glad I got to do this with you.”

 

Stomach dropping further under the weight of a few hundred extra bricks, Yamato rested his forehead in his palm. “Don’t tell me you were a virgin?”

 

Ai nodded quietly, and Yamato was convinced he was the laughing stock, up there. 

 

...

 

Yamato sat on his bed, knowing the moon was high in the sky by now, even if he hadn’t installed a window to see it. Ai had left him a while ago already, and it’d been late when he’d gone to see her to start with. It was hard to sleep at all most nights, but tonight, it was impossible. His mind was still reeling over the big mistake it had been to take her to his bed -- and most of all, not remember her rule of  no changing the rules . 

 

Heaving a sigh, Yamato ran his hand through his hair, the steel frame long gone from his forehead. 

 

Sometimes, he thought, he should be more insensitive. Once upon a time, he had been, in the loneliness that preceded Kakashi. Among the circus beasts that were Orochimaru’s creations, and then the brainwashing under Danzo. Clearly, his luck has always been rotten.

 

“Clearly,” Yamato repeated aloud, turning his palm to face up as he made water materialize above it. 

 

He had tried -- really  tried  \-- to understand what Hinata had tried to tell him about his chakra paths being different than other people’s. His water chakra and earth chakra did not flow together, and it explained why he’d always needed both his hands to create wood. 

 

Closing his eyes, Yamato thought of the earth that the house stood on, remembered what it felt like between his toes when he was shoeless. Earth was grounding, calming. Flexing his fingers, Yamato tried to summon it.  Just a little, he pleaded. He didn’t need much. Just to know that it wasn’t gone.

 

He tried several times, in different manners. Moving different fingers didn’t help. Neither did turning his palm over. When he focused on the chakra flowing from his elbow joint to his hand, where he could feel it splitting in smaller channels, Yamato felt the familiar earthen feel of his lost chakra.

 

Yamato’s eyes snapped open and he stared at his hand, disappointed to see no earth in it, but determination ablaze now that he’d had a taste of it. If there really was a way, then he had to find it. If he could, then his help would be invaluable to the village. Maybe it would even help enough for Kakashi to find it safe enough for Sakura, here, instead of anywhere else.

 

Sucking on his bottom lip in concentration, Yamato repeated the process, until it felt more natural and he could get a steady response from his earth chakra. The stronger it responded, the less stable the water blob in his hand became, but that would be a problem to fix later.

 

“Come on…” 

 

Yamato inhaled deeply, then blew it out slowly, watching in the eye of his mind as chakra travelled from his core to his hand, until it materialized.

 

At the sight of a small mound of dirt in his palm, Yamato’s heart skipped a beat. No matter what he told Ino, he’d never been sure his earth chakra was truly still there -- but it wasn’t gone.  It wasn’t gone.

 

…

 

As he walked to Waterfall district, so fast he nearly tripped on his own legs, Yamato doubted how good an idea it was. It was still early, maybe too early, but he knew that most children were already at the daycare by now, so she would be there. Or did she have a job? From what he’d gathered, several prostitutes didn’t have a job assigned by Konoha. It meant they weren’t registered for rations, but they were able to gain more through their customers this way.

 

Then, he saw her hair, pulled up in two pigtails as it had been last time, long, shiny strands of hair curling at the tips. “Ai.”

 

Ai turned towards him, wide brown eyes surprised to see him. The man she was standing by didn’t appreciate the disruption, but Ai whispered something in his ear, winked and he let her go without further complaint. 

 

“Yamato-kun?” she said as she approached him. “I thought you’d be too angry to talk to me anymore.”

 

Now, Yamato realized that his reaction during their last meeting could easily have been interpreted as bitterness and anger, but it truly hadn’t been. 

 

“Of course not,” Yamato tried to reassure, but Ai still looked up at him with the same worried eyes and pouty lips. “It wasn’t your fault. I… It doesn’t matter. Can I talk to you?”

 

“I was with someone,” Ai said, throwing a glance over her shoulder to the man she’d whispered to. “I don’t think he‘ll wait for me.”

 

Yamato reached for her hands, covering them with his larger palm. “Come with me.”

 

Going to her had seemed ridiculous when he’d first left his home, and he still believed it to an extent, but now Yamato knew why he’d craved it so badly. Ai had been warm to him, filled the gaping hole in his chest even if just for a minute. How could he stay away?

 

Ai hesitated, but then slipped her fingers between his to hold his hand. “Okay.”

 

Pulling her behind him as he walked too fast, Yamato led her back to his house. Right now, he didn’t care that it was more of a shed than a house. It was easier not to worry, now that he could hope. 

 

“Why did you bring me here?” Ai asked when he closed the door behind her, eyes wandering towards his bed. 

 

“I wanted to show you something,” Yamato answered quickly. “Something very important to me.”

 

Ai blinked, her cute eyes lit up by curiosity. “What’s that?”

 

Yamato stared at his palm as he willed a miracle to happen again. And it  did.  It was small, but there was a twig growing from the center of his hand. Ai gasped as she watched, leaning forward to see it better.

 

“How did you do that?”

 

Yamato’s lips curled in a half-smile, realizing now that she wouldn’t understand the significance of this. “It’s a special power that I’d lost because of my arm. It’s back, now. I’ll be able to do a lot more to help Konoha now.”

 

“That’s awesome!” Ai clapped her hands, smile so bright she warmed the whole room. “I’m so happy for you, Yamato-kun.”

 

Yamato chuckled, only hearing the suffix to his name now. “You helped me find this.”

 

Ai frowned, pursing her lips in a bigger pout. “But I don’t know anything about this ninja stuff.”

 

Yamato didn’t know what to reply for a second, so he brushed the subject aside. “It doesn’t matter. I want to help you, too.”

 

It was Ai’s turn to be at a loss for words. “Help me? But -- how? Everyone says I shouldn’t trust Konoha ninja -- that they only work for themselves, especially after what the Kizanu did to us when we refused to help them and -- “

 

“Wait, what did you just say?” Yamato frowned. “About the Kizanu?”

 

Ai frowned, seemingly annoyed as if repeating herself for the hundredth time. “They burned us down because we said we wouldn’t help them steal from Konoha! It didn’t feel right -- anyway, not to me, and many others I know, but it’s not like we make group decisions or anything. And then they went to Rock instead and Rock said yes.  They were probably too scared to say no after us.”

 

“Are you saying that Rock is the reason we’re having so many supplies stolen?”

 

Quickly, Ai nodded. “It sucks and it’s disgusting of them, but then again, who wants to be burned down? At least we have Kazekage-sama helping us out, even if it’s not free.”

 

Yamato stared at her, eyes wide and jaw slack. How did she know so much while the rest of Konoha knew nothing? Yamato realized now how much segmenting the survivors was costing the village, that their distrust of Konoha made them hide everything, but he was still left speechless to how blind he had been.

 

“Temari-san isn’t very nice, either,” Ai continued, oblivious to his shock. “But they don’t take much, as little as possible, really, which isn’t such a bad deal for the dugouts Kankuro-san has the Suna children build. Have you seen them? They’re amazing! Little children, the age of Kato, doing magic like that!”

 

Yamato didn’t bother trying to keep up with the speed her mouth moved at, simply trying to register the barrage of information she was ramming him with.

 

“I asked Kazekage-sama if he could help my little brother get out of the latrines,” Ai said, her tone dropping dramatically in pitch, “but he said he didn’t have enough power to do that, so I tried to find another way -- and I did, I think. There’s this man in Rock -- Goro-sama -- and everybody says he’s pretty powerful there and he can do a lot that no one else will be able to get for you, so I asked him instead. And he said he could help me, but I have to go see him every day for two months since I have nothing valuable to give to him! It’s only been a month.  I really hope Kato is still okay by the time this month’s up…”

 

Yamato’s mind finally caught up with him and he grabbed Ai’s shoulder gently. “Okay, slow down a bit. How do you know so much?”

 

Ai shrugged, wiping at the corners of her eyes when they started to water. “I don’t know that much. Almost everybody knows, though they shut up when the Konoha ninja show up. They say you won’t do anything anyway -- and I mean, you don’t. It’s not like you didn’t know about all of this.”

 

“Ai, Ai,” Yamato called when Ai avoided his eyes. “I have no idea what you are talking about. We didn’t know about the Kizanu. You’ve just told me something very, very important and useful.”

 

“You didn’t?” Ai frowned, full lips in a pout again. “I thought ninja were supposed to be super smart.”

 

“We are, usually,” Yamato said, scratching the back of his head. “Running a village isn’t exactly included in our training but we’re doing what we can. Now, go back.  Who was the man in Rock?”

 

“Goro-sama,” Ai answered quickly. 

 

“He’s saying he will get your brother out of the latrines if you exchange services with him for two months?”

 

Ai nodded and Yamato’s heart sank in his stomach. Ai was such a sweet girl, sacrificing so much for the sake of her brother. “Ai, you realize that he doesn’t have the power to do that?” 

 

“He doesn’t?” Ai’s eyes were starting to water again and Yamato could see her lips quivering. Deep down, Ai had probably known all along, but she was ready to do anything. “But -- but he said…”

 

“Nobody but Hiashi can,” Yamato said gently, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes with his thumb. “I’m sorry.”

 

Ai hiccoughed, pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes. “What will I do?”

 

“I’ll take care of this, okay?” Yamato tried to reassure, pulling Ai in a loose embrace. Easily, she wrapped her arms around him, her hold strong. “Don’t cry. I can’t promise to find another job for your brother, but I’ll help you both.”

 

“T-thank you,” Ai sobbed against his chest before pulling away, the tremors in her chest gradually calming down. “Yamato-kun.”

 

Once her cheek were dry, she took Yamato’s hand, pulling him towards his bed.

 

“I’ll do what I can to make it up to you,” Ai said quickly as she drew him between her thighs. “Just tell me what you want. I know I’m still new to this, but you can tell me what to do, right?”

 

“No, no, no,” Yamato blurted out, grabbing her wandering hand and pulling it as far from his body as he could. He could feel his cheeks warm up with embarrassment -- and also, a twinge of shame at the reaction her words solicited. “None of that. You don’t need to do that anymore. Promise me you won’t. I’ll do everything I can so you don’t have to.”

 

Ai’s hand went limp in his and she looked up at him through those pretty brown eyes, still unsure and shimmering with doubt. Nonetheless, her trust for him won over and she nodded, promising that she would stop and thanking him profusely yet again. Yamato didn’t know why she trusted him so, but it made him happy, even if such blind trust was dangerous for her.

 

“I have one last thing to confess,” Ai said, chewing on her thumb as she tipped her chin down.

 

Yamato deeply wished he’d known her age before agreeing to her price. Maybe, then, it would be easier to keep his body in check when she said funny words or made such faces, certainly unaware of her natural charms. He’d have plenty of time to grow an immunity to it, Yamato encouraged himself. 

 

“What is that?”

 

“My name’s not Ai.” Her cheeks were reddening and the guilty look in her eyes said all about the shame she felt. “It’s Asami.”

 

Yamato’s shoulders and head dropped, but he chuckled. It was only fitting that she wouldn’t use her real name as a prostitute, and instead opt for something that meant  love . 

 

“Okay, Asami-chan,” he said, smiling in spite of himself. “Enough confessions for a lifetime, now.”


	24. Tsunami

The sea foam swirled over Suigetsu's feet.  Steadily absorbing through his skin, the salt was making him slightly queasy.

 

This was how Suigetsu used to feel in Mist every day.  He was sensitive to the salinity, more than an inconvenience on an island nation.  Whenever he started looking gelatinous around the edges, his brother would bring him a small barrel of fresh water with a clean straw, punch him in the arm, and say, "You salty dog."

 

Suigetsu kicked the incoming wave, the shifting sand almost making him lose his balance.

 

"Fuck you," he swore as the water receded only to advance again.

 

The waves never ended.  They would keep coming even after his brother wasn't there to bring fresh water anymore.

 

Suigetsu turned away from the ocean.  Being near it again may have surfaced memories of Mangetsu that Suigetsu preferred to leave buried, but he didn't have to dwell on them.  There were more pressing issues at hand.

 

Suigetsu returned to the village, though since the first houses were stilted on the beginnings of the beach sand, it was not a long walk.

 

Puuko came bounding up to him, barking and happy to see Suigetsu.  The three children were close on the dog's heels, Hitomi grumpy as the boys took turns yanking her wispy pigtails.  Suigetsu ignored them and leaned down to pet the dog.

 

"Hi, shark man!" Makoto said loudly.  "You're weird!"

 

"It's Rika-san's day off," Hitomi said, her blue eyes clear like the sky fixed on his.  "Is it your day off too?"

 

Makoto shoved the slight girl, whose frail body almost tumbled over, but somehow her eyes still held Suigetsu's the whole time.  Makoto only laughed and said, "Day off? He  never works."

 

"Puuko likes him," Katashi said defensively.

 

Puuko wagged his tail, leaping up to try and lick Suigetsu's salty face, oblivious.

 

Makoto shrugged.  "Yeah, you're right.  Come on, 'Tomi-chan.  I thought you wanted to find some shells."

 

Hitomi nodded, still staring at Suigetsu.  "Uncle Nobuya said he could make me a necklace with them.   He works."

 

Without another word, the children ran off, Makoto whistling for Puuko to come after them.

 

"Creepy little bitch," Suigetsu muttered as they disappeared.

 

Suigetsu made a beeline to a particular house, the biggest one, though it was still small.  Yet everyone was treating the worn-down shacks like mansions.  In truth, they were nicer even than the house Suigetsu shared with Mangetsu in the Kirigakure slums -- but there was no need to pretend the hunting shacks weren't dumps anyway.  Suigetsu had never seen the need to pretend things were more than they were.

 

Just like this thing with Juugo and Rika.  It was no mystery.  Loneliness, horniness, Rika's desperation to find a father for her children, Juugo's incessant need to replace his dead family -- it was all so transparent.  Juugo knew that, of course, and didn't care.  Suigetsu could never see past it.

 

What was the point of love when even when it went right, the result was just more little slum babies born only to die?  And that was  before the Infinite Tsukuyomi.  Suigetsu's parents had loved one another, after all, and yet they had died before he could remember them.  His earliest memory was of Mangetsu roasting a rat on a spit, telling Suigetsu about the great swordsmen of Mist to distract him from his hunger pangs.

 

Suigetsu stormed into Rika's house, not bothering to knock.  If she was off and the kids were out, he knew where Juugo would be.

 

"Juugo!" Suigetsu sang out.  "Time for a little spar!"

 

There was no answer, so Suigetsu traipsed up the rickety stairs.  It was the only two-story house, the only one with multiple bedrooms -- the Kage mansion, some joked -- so of course it had gone to Rika and the precious children.

 

Before Suigetsu could ambush Juugo in his love nest, the door flew open.

 

"I was sleeping," Juugo said calmly.

 

"Sleeping, huh?" Suigetsu said, some bite in his tone, though Juugo clearly had just woken.

 

Suigetsu took in the sight of his friend -- shirtless, pants unbuckled where they'd been hastily thrown on, sleeping woman under the furs behind him.  It was foreign, and pricked Suigetsu somewhere he couldn't define.

 

"Have you been to see Sasuke today?"

 

Suigetsu couldn't keep the accusation out of his voice, but as always, Juugo didn't react.

 

"This morning.  Have you?"

 

Suigetsu looked down at his feet.  "Not yet.  I thought we could go together."

 

"Maybe after lunch," Juugo said, apologetic.  "I promised I'd watch after the kids this morning so Rika could rest."

 

"They seemed real 'watched after' running around on the beach unattended," Suigetsu said sourly, making Juugo frown.  "Whatever.  See you later, then."

 

Except he probably wouldn't.  Juugo lived with Suigetsu, ostensibly, but he might as well live here with Rika.

 

"Suigetsu," Juugo called as Suigetsu was leaving, but he didn't stop.

 

…

 

Walking into Sasuke’s house -- quarantined shack, really -- Suigetsu scowled as he passed a worry-pale Himawari as she was leaving from one of her bafflingly frequent visits. This illness, too, they all liked to pretend was more than it was. Suigetsu had heard them behind him, muttering about the plague that had hit Cloud as if it  must be the only illness possible. Blind fools they were -- did they see any spots? There were none.

 

Suigetsu stepped in Sasuke’s bedroom, hesitating at the door. Sasuke was lying there, his chest heaving still and sweat drenching his bedding. Even asleep, he couldn’t be quiet. Scoffing, Suigetsu walked to his side and proceeded to his examination, a cloth tied around his head for good measure. Forcing Sasuke’s mouth open, he leaned down. 

 

“Idiots,” Suigetsu mumbled, frowning. “I told them.”

 

Sasuke seemed to stir, but any sign of consciousness disappeared when Suigetsu let go of his jaw. 

 

“Lazy bastard.” 

 

Suigetsu grabbed the wet cloth on the night table besides the bed and dunked it in the clean water at the foot of the bed, rinsing out any prior dirt from it. Above Sasuke’s naked chest, he wrung the cloth between his hands, chancing a glance at Sasuke’s face. The water was cold and would wake him in a split second in a fit of curses any other day, but not today. 

 

“I’m not your friggin’ nurse,” Suigetsu spat, wiping away the sweat on Sasuke’s burning skin. “Bathing you wasn’t part of the plan I signed up for, so get up already, you slug.”

 

Sasuke’s face remained as it was. Suigetsu huffed. At least Sasuke being annoying didn’t change.

 

The front door opened and Suigetsu turned to see who was coming in. Sakura was quick to appear, her pink hair more of a mess than usual.

 

“Oh, Suigetsu,” Sakura said, surprise in her voice, at which Suigetsu could only roll his eyes. “Good morning.”

 

Suigetsu threw the wet cloth at her and Sakura caught it easily, eyebrows bunching together as her eyes went back and forth between the cloth and him. 

 

Suigetsu planted his hands on his hips, smirking to show off his sharp teeth. “Just in time, Pink Cutiepie. It’s bath time.”

 

Though he couldn’t see it behind the cloth that covered the lower half of her pretty face, Suigetsu was certain she was frowning. Blushing, if he was lucky. Sakura didn’t let on, though, and simply walked to Sasuke’s side, as silent as her footsteps. With practiced carefulness, Sakura ran the washcloth over the skin of Sasuke's arms without a complaint. Too late, Suigetsu realized she was certainly used to this kind of task, what with being a medic and all. 

 

“Sasuke-kun,” she called, voice gentler than Suigetsu had heard it in a while -- when directed to Sasuke, at least. Her hands brought the cloth lower to rub at Sasuke’s chest. “That feels better, doesn’t it?”

 

Sakura showed no reaction when Sasuke didn’t respond. She carried on with the same dullness in her eyes, but Suigetsu’s eyebrow arched when her hands disappeared under the covers that covered Sasuke’s hips.

 

“Sasuke-kun might appreciate some privacy,” Sakura said, sharper, startling Suigetsu. 

 

Suigetsu scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You think I’ve never seen his dick before?”

 

Sakura stifled a chuckle and pulled her hands away from Sasuke, dropping the rag in the bucket. Carefully, she sat by Sasuke’s head, cradling her humongous belly for balance. Suigetsu contained a sneer, though he made note to tell her later that her belly looked like it would pop any second.

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura whispered, running a hand through Sasuke’s sticky hair. “I’m worried about you.”

 

At this, Suigetsu didn’t bother to cover the scowl on his face. 

 

“ You’re worried?” he spat. Sakura turned to him, watching him with clear confusion etched into her sickly sweet features. “Like you get to say that.”

 

“Whatever are you going on about?” Sakura said flippantly, turning her attention back to Sasuke.

 

“Oh, don’t play coy with me, Pink Cutiepie,” Suigetsu said. For a moment, Suigetsu had wanted to pin the sickening feeling in his gut to the salty water, but he was done with it.  They sickened him. Her most of all. “Act all concerned and worried all you want -- it doesn’t mean  shit . You’ve been ignoring him and bitching at him whenever he tried to talk to you.  Now you say you give a shit about Sasuke, you selfish little bitch?”

 

Sakura recoiled, her mouth falling open as she gripped Sasuke’s blanket nervously between her fingers. “Things were complicated.  That doesn’t mean I --"

 

“No, things weren’t complicated!” Suigetsu yelled at her, throwing his hands in the air. “Sasuke  cares about you and he made it clear a thousand times already! But you have to be a snobby cunt because  you’re so fucking perfect.”

 

“Suigetsu,” Sakura defended quickly, tipping her chin down to stare at her shoes. He could see shame in her face, reddening her cheeks and pulling the corners of her mouth down, and he knew she deserved every single bit of it. “I care about Sasuke -- we all do.”

 

“Do you?” Suigetsu scoffed. “You have a funny way of showing you care for your friends, Pink Cutiepie. I didn’t realize ignoring your teammates while you go and fuck your sensei instead was caring! And what about that other one -- Naruto. You like to say you were so close to him, yet I don’t see you crying over him! Your parents aren’t around anymore either, are they? When do you whine about them?”

 

This time, Sakura didn’t try to answer. Stiff as a board, she didn’t move -- only cried and let the tears fall onto her knees. Suigetsu only wrinkled his nose in disgust. Whining was all she knew how to do properly.

 

“Sasuke saved all your fucking lives,” he continued mercilessly. “He deserves better than this fake shit family.”

 

“Suigetsu.” Suigetsu almost jumped when Juugo appeared at his side, frowning disapprovingly. “That’s enough.”

 

“You’re no better,” Suigetsu spat, pointing an accusing finger to Juugo’s bulky chest. “This whole group is fucking  bullshit ! You like to think you’re happy with your new family, but you’re not.  None of you are. Not Pink Cutiepie with her old man, not you with that screeching witch -- no one! All you’re doing is ignoring the truth! That everything you loved is gone! That Karin is dead! I’m sick of the bullshit make-believe and --"

 

“Suigetsu.”

 

Suigetsu stiffened, immobile save for the twisting of his neck to look back at Sasuke. Now awake, Sasuke had managed to prop the top half of his body on his hands. Sweat made his hair stick to his forehead and the strain of simply moving narrowed his eyes and left him panting for breath. 

 

Sasuke’s voice lacked his usual bite, but he spoke with the same commanding tone. “Stop it. It’s not their faults.”

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura whispered at his side, hands frantically reaching for him to help him lie down when his arms trembled. Grunting, he let Sakura help him, clutching one of her arms. “Be careful.  You're still weak --"

 

“I’m fine,” Sasuke ground out, unconvincing. Suigetsu stood still, shocked into silence. Sasuke had hardly spoken -- let alone been able to move -- since Juugo had brought Kakashi into their tent for help. “Get out of here.”

 

Sakura laughed, light and nervous, and bent down to look into Sasuke’s eyes, a sparkle of joy in her own. “Sasuke-kun.”

 

Sasuke’s eyes slid shut and he scowled, but his arm snaked up Sakura’s arm until he draped it around her shoulders in a loose hug. Finally, Suigetsu deflated. For days, they’d waited for this one sign, for any tiny thing that could give them a flicker of hope. Suigetsu had always loathed waiting. It was unbearable to stand around and just let things happen.

 

“Stop being such a sour puss, Suigetsu,” Sasuke scolded weakly, wiping a hand down his face. “Where they find relief is none of your business.”

 

“You’ve always been a sentimental sucker,” Suigetsu scoffed. Sasuke, too, found comfort where he could -- but he didn’t lie about it. Sakura melted onto Sasuke, muttering relieved words Suigetsu couldn’t be bothered to understand. Sasuke’s arms tightened around her. “Stop being so sappy. I’m going to be sick.”

 

It didn’t take long for Sasuke to fall back asleep as if he hadn’t been sleeping for days already, but somehow, the mood in the room was lighter, the tension broken.

 

“Everything will be all right now,” Sakura said, wiping the tears from her face.  “He’s still weak and needs to recover, but the fever finally broke.”

 

Juugo nodded, smiling brightly.  “As long as we stick together, it will all be fine.”

 

HIs eyes lingered on Suigetsu in supplication, so Suigetsu offered a smile in return.  “So don’t leave me behind, buddy.”

 

Juugo put his arm around Suigetsu and the three of them sat there with Sasuke in pleasant silence.

 

Suigetsu let them be happy.  If they wanted so badly to believe that everything would be all right just because Sasuke wasn’t about to die, then he’d let them because Sasuke said so.  But nothing was all right.  Suigetsu wasn’t sure if it ever would be again.   No matter what life they cobbled together, Karin would always be dead.

 

...

 

Suigetsu couldn’t sit there pretending forever.  He slipped out just before it was time for lunch so they wouldn’t feel obligated to invite him to join them.  Juugo would eat with Rika and the children, and Sakura would eat with her husband and Sai.  They’d both let him eat with them, but he was tired of intruding in places he didn’t belong.

 

Suigetsu fell into line behind Inari and his dog, Puuko.  Behind him, Harumi snuck in before the girl from Water that had told them of this village to begin with.  Suigetsu forgot her name, but recognized her distinctive blonde curls under her favorite red bandana.

 

“Sorry, Mitsuko,” Harumi said, not sounding sorry at all. She flashed Suigetsu a bright smile, twirling with one finger her long hair that held its lustre even now.  “Thanks for saving my spot.”

 

Suigetsu scoffed.  “Yeah, no problem.”

 

Mitsuko frowned but said nothing, too timid to challenge a ninja.  She just let Harumi take her spot.

 

When they received their food, Harumi winked at Suigetsu.  "Didn't we say we'd eat over here?"

 

"You say a lot of shit," Suigetsu said with a shrug, going with the ruse for the hell of it.  "Think I listen?"

 

Harumi pretended to pout, flouncing off in the direction opposite of where the Wave congregation usually ate.  It was too close to the Konoha contingent for Suigetsu's taste, but he followed Harumi anyway and sat down next to her.

 

Puuko ran after them, begging immediately, eyes glued to Suigetsu's grilled fish and whines set deep in his throat.  Sighing, Suigetsu broke off a piece of flesh and offered it to the dog, who ate it happily.

 

Harumi chortled.  "I wouldn't have pegged you for such a sucker.  It's obvious why he likes you so much."

 

"Yeah, well, maybe there are a lot of things you don't know about me."  Suigetsu tore into his fish, spitting out the bones.  "Did you think about that?"

 

"You're a ninja," she said, nonplussed as she inspected her own fish, eating it more delicately.  "What else is there to know?"

 

Suigetsu shrugged and they sat there eating.  He didn't mind Harumi's company, really, with none of the meaningless chatter most women burdened anyone near them with.  And as he followed her gaze to find it resting on Kakashi and Sakura, he could see by Harumi's expression -- almost a sneer -- that she was unlike most women in regards to romance as well.

 

The further away from Konoha they got, the more the resident couple was settling into obnoxiousness as they never had before unless you caught them when they thought no one was looking.  Kakashi had his arms around Sakura's waist, though he almost had to hunker over to accommodate her belly.  She didn't appear to mind, standing on tiptoe to put her arms around his neck, smiling up at him as they swayed to a beat that existed only in their minds.  They seemed to be imagining the same song, for it fit the tune she began to hum softly.

 

"Hey, Cutiepie!" Suigetsu called.  "Are you dancing or waddling?"

 

Immediately, Sakura went flat footed and pulled away from Kakashi, flushing from her cheeks to the deep set of her cleavage.  With some difficulty, she sat back down.  Kakashi rushed to help her, shooting a dirty look Suigetsu's way.

 

Harumi giggled, rubbing Puuko's belly, who lay on his back wagging his tail.  "If it embarrasses her so much to grow with child, she should have aborted it when she had the chance.  Her hips will never be the same after.  Slim, wasn't she?  So was I, before my son came."

 

"Yes, she was -- slim, that is," Suigetsu said, eyebrows shooting up into his hairline as he was caught off guard.

 

Harumi's smile was a little bitter, her gaze still on the dog as he thumped his leg in pleasure while she scratched him.  "Maybe there are a lot of things you don't know about me," she echoed.

 

"You're a whore," Suigetsu said with a shrug.  "What else is there to know?"

 

Some might have taken offense, but Harumi just laughed.  "It's true.  I didn't even know who his father was.  The funny thing was it might have been Daichi, but he pretended never to have met me before when the world ended.  Maybe he didn't recognize me."

 

"I can't imagine anyone who would forget you," Suigetsu said, picking his teeth with a fish bone.

 

"I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't," Harumi said, still giggling.  "And a girl like Sakura could never understand truly not caring who the father of your child is.  Just like she doesn't understand what it is to have your baby starve to death in your arms."

 

Harumi wasn't laughing anymore, a somber look on her face as she patted Puuko's head.  "She should have aborted it when she had the chance," she said again.  "Just like Suzuka.  It's better to have a dog.  I don't know why everyone has to pretend otherwise."

 

Suigetsu was quiet for a minute, thinking.  Harumi wasn't full of bullshit, unlike everyone else here.  He appreciated that about her.

 

"I'm not just a ninja."

 

Harumi smiled at him, a little sadly but genuinely as well.  Her face was beautiful, something she knew well enough to capitalize on.  She was young, no older than her early twenties, though Suigetsu guessed younger -- far too young to have a dead child.

 

"Of course you're not just a ninja," she said.  "I'm not just a whore.  Sakura's not just a fool.  No one's 'just' anything."  Harumi inspected her filthy nails.  "People like to reduce things so they're easier to understand, or sometimes make them more than they are.  For example, I used to be a wife instead of a whore.  It was the only respectable way to look after myself, I was taught.  After the second broken arm, I decided there were other ways to get by.  They can look down on me all they want, but I have no regrets.  Neither should you.  We all do what we must."

 

Suigetsu's throat constricted.  The flip side to having no bullshit of her own was, apparently, seeing through his.  "I'll always regret not finding her.  Karin deserved a proper burial.  No one in her life gave her anything she didn't pay for, and when she was alive, all I gave her was shit."

 

Harumi shook her head.  "We all do what we must.  There's nowhere to go but forward or straight into the ground, so might as well keep moving."

 

It was Suigetsu's turn to laugh.  "You've got a way with words.  I bet that's not the  only thing you have a way with."

 

"You bet it isn't."  Harumi's wicked grin lit up her face, highlighting her cute dimples.  "Don't listen to anyone who says ninja are useless.  You know things I don't and I know things you don't.  Without girls like me, how would awkward boys like you lose their virginities?  And without you, how would I live long enough to do it in the first place?"

 

"I'm no virgin," Suigetsu said with a scowl.

 

Harumi leaned forward with interest, her yukata falling open just enough to show the beginning of her bust.  "What was her name then?"

 

"I -- ah -- it was Ai."  Suigetsu tried to keep his face confident, but Harumi just jeered at him, eyes sparkling with mirth.  "Hey, she said it cost double to hear her name.  What do I look like to you -- a moneybags?"

 

Harumi flounced to her feet.  "Of course," she said in mock seriousness.  "It wasn't her name you were paying for, after all."

 

With a last amused glance over her shoulder, she was gone, back to the gaggle of women from whence she came.

 

Suigetsu sighed to himself, rubbing Puuko's belly.  "How could you let her make me look like a goddamn idiot, huh?  Some friend you are."

 

Puuko leapt up to lick his face and Suigetsu had to laugh, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

 

Makoto and Katashi whistled and Puuko bounded off after them, barking happily.  Truly abandoned now, Suigetsu lay on his back in the dirt, enjoying the feel of the sun and a belly that, if not full, was at least not achingly empty.

 

He must have dozed off a little, for when he woke, it was to the familiar clashing of metal.  His body leapt to attention by rote memory, flying into battle before even registering the identity of the enemy.  It didn't take long to recognize the dragon of the Kizanu, though, running through the camp hacking and slashing almost haphazardly.

 

Already, Kakashi had left a trail of bodies, but wouldn't move far from Sakura's side to truly deal with the Kizanu problem.  She had a hand to her ribs, a pained look on her face, sitting awkwardly in the dirt as if she had tried and failed to get up.  Sai and Juugo moved through the camp dispatching enemies and aiding the civilians as they attempted to defend themselves.

 

With a mighty leap, Suigetsu rushed into the fray, lopping off the head of a Kizanu with his great sword.  Cackling with the glee of battle that had always ignited his blood, Suigetsu mowed through the enemy like weeds, trimming an arm here, a leg there.  The screams of the civilians only put an edge to it that he relished more.

 

But the high was short lived.  Very quickly, the enemies dwindled to nothing, all dead or fled.  The force had been a small one and couldn't have hoped to succeed, if their goal was to overtake them -- which meant that was not their goal.

 

Suigetsu's eyes met Kakashi's at just that instant.  They were thinking the same thing.

 

"Juugo, check on Sasuke," Kakashi said, and Suigetsu swore.

 

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura called in worry as she caught up, crying out as she tried to get to her feet and fell back to her knees.

 

Kakashi dropped to his own knees to stop her from moving.  "Stop, stop," he muttered, putting his arms around her with a frown.  "You took a nasty fall.  We'll take care of it."

 

Suigetsu turned to Sai, who was calmly cleaning his tanto of blood.  "Perimeter.  Now," Suigetsu barked, and Sai nodded and rose to follow orders.

 

Suigetsu swept his eyes over the clearing.  One Lightning man appeared to be dead, his throat cut sloppily, and his wife was sobbing over his dead body.  Other than that, there were some injuries, but they couldn't complain.  The group had gotten off easy.

 

To make sure there weren't any straggling Kizanu, Suigetsu set off in the opposite direction of Sai, circling farther and farther out, using every sense his ninja training afforded him.  As there was nothing and more nothing, the tension began to bleed from Suigetsu's limbs.

 

Until he heard it.  That sound, that wheezing noise like a malfunctioning bellows, did not belong in the forest.  It was the sound of death.

 

Suigetsu approached with caution, expecting an injured Kizanu that tried to flee or almost anything other than what it actually was.

 

Sprawled on the forest floor outside of a hollow tree Suigetsu now recognized as a favorite play place of the children was Makoto, arrow through his chest and open, unseeing eyes staring straight ahead.  Suigetsu did not bother checking the boy's pulse.  He was dead.  After seeing it on Mangetsu, Suigetsu would never forget that corpse stare.

 

The wheezing sound was coming from Puuko, another arrow stuck awkwardly through his shoulder and probably sticking straight into his lung, judging by the dramatic rise and fall of his sides and the red spreading through his clean white fur.  He was whining and inching towards Makoto slowly, just barely close enough to lick the boy's lifeless face.

 

His heart frozen in his chest like a block of ice, cold and emotionless, Suigetsu knelt next to the dog.

 

"I'm sorry, buddy," he said woodenly and stabbed a kunai directly into Puuko's heart.

 

Out of respect, Suigetsu watched as Puuko's legs twitched in the throes of death and, finally, relaxed.  Only then did Suigetsu look up and around -- for there was one piece of the puzzle missing.  Where one brother went, there was usually another.

 

On a hunch, Suigetsu unstrapped his sword from his back and laid it aside.  He scrunched himself as small as he could, but even then, he was too big to fit through the hole in the stump until he tore it wider with his hands.

 

Inside the hollow tree was Katashi, cowering as far back as he could get, staring at Suigetsu with wide, terrified eyes that did not see him.

 

"It's just me," Suigetsu said softly, and reached out a hand to the boy.

 

Katashi looked at the hand as if he did not recognize what it was.  For a long while, Suigetsu thought the boy would not take it, but he waited patiently.

 

Finally, Katashi reached out and took his hand.

 

\--

 

By the time Suigetsu returned to camp, a nearly catatonic Katashi in his arms, everyone had finally spotted what Suigetsu had not -- the missing children.  Rika was already wailing, clutching a scared Hitomi to her chest.  Juugo was nowhere, probably off looking for what Suigetsu had already found.  Sasuke leaned against the closest building, panting and clutching his bloody sword but ignoring Sakura as she tried to fuss over him.

 

The whole group fell silent as Suigetsu walked through the camp, except for Rika's sniffling as she stared at him in abject terror as if he was one of the Kizanu.

 

He laid her son at her feet, and she immediately checked him for injuries but found none.  Hitomi ran to Nobuya, crying, and Rika gathered Katashi to her chest, rocking back and forth.

 

"You -- you couldn't save him?  Makoto?"

 

Suigetsu staggered as if she stabbed him in the kidney.  "Are you -- are you  fucking serious?"

 

"No, I --" Rika looked away.  "I am grateful, of course.  Thank you for bringing Katashi home."

 

Suigetsu stood there, not knowing what to say.  And then the whispers began, the whispers that seemed to follow Suigetsu wherever he went.

 

"This is what we get for mixing ourselves up with ninja in the first place.  What did she think would happen?"

 

"This is because they murdered the Kizanu first.  I knew it was coming."

 

"I thought this was the point of having them here, to keep things like this from happening..."

 

Suigetsu's jaw tightened, his fists clenched.  "What do you expect?  The four of us aren't enough to run a perimeter.  We can't be everywhere at once.  Why not blame Rika?  She was always letting them run around doing whatever the fuck."

 

Rika smothered a fresh sob.

 

"Suigetsu," Sakura said sharply.  "Don't you dare.  Apologize to Rika."

 

"No," sneered Suigetsu, baring his sharp teeth.  "I won't apologize to anyone.  I didn't sign up for this shit."

 

"That doesn't matter!" Sakura cried, eyes bright with unshed tears.  "We make the best of it that we can --"

 

"I'm here for Sasuke," Suigetsu interrupted, carefully not looking at him, "and Sasuke's here for you, and you don't even give him the time of day.  And somehow I'm responsible for fifty people I don't fucking know?"

 

"This is a terrible thing that happened," Sakura said carefully, as Kakashi put a steadying hand on her arm.  "But it's not Rika's fault."

 

"Oh yeah?" growled Suigetsu, yanking his sword off his back to point it at Sakura with an unsteady hand, chest heaving wildly.  "If it's not her fault, then whose is it?"

 

Sasuke spoke for the first time, his voice stronger than Suigetsu expected.  "Put the sword down.  Now."

 

Suigetsu obeyed immediately, dropping the blade to the ground like it was trash, disregarding the care he usually had for it.

 

"It's no one's fault, Suigetsu," Sakura said softly, a kindness in her eyes that burned Suigetsu like lightning to his skin.

 

"If it's no one's fault," Suigetsu said, a foreign wetness on his cheeks, "then why the hell does it feel so much like  mine ?"

 

Furiously, he wiped his face.  He was allergic to salt water.  "I didn't sign up for this  fucking shit ."

 

Just then, Juugo raced back into view, frantic.  Rika hid her face in Katashi's hair rather than look at him, and Juugo stopped dead, taking in the scene.

 

"No," he whispered, falling to his knees.  "No!"

 

The roaring took on a familiar quality and Suigetsu reacted, dive-tackling Juugo.

 

But Juugo did not resist, simply lying there limply under Suigetsu, though his body fluctuated shape rapidly.

 

Juugo was screaming and crying all at once, horns sprouting from his head as his face turned a monstrous grey.  But as he reached his arms around Suigetsu, Suigetsu wasn't worried.

 

"I'm sorry," Suigetsu said.  "I'm so sorry, Juugo."

 

Juugo hugged Suigetsu tightly.  "I know."

 

\--

 

“So this is why you can’t run the third patrol tonight?” Suigetsu spat, staring at Sai in disdain.

 

The pale man was sitting on the ground, tangled up in some sort of reed-like material he was poorly attempting to fashion into a basket of some type.  He’d been doing the same thing since he came off the boats earlier that day, now reduced to working by firelight.

 

“Yes,” Sai said calmly, unaffected.  “This squid trap was designed for me by Nobuya and Daichi, and must be set in deep water at low tide, which unfortunately conflicts.”

 

“We don’t have time to do that fishing shit anymore!”  Suigetsu’s hand tightened on his sword hilt, seeing red he was so incensed.  “Didn’t I tell you?  Are you that fucking retarded?”

 

“It is very important to me,” Sai said, continuing his work almost as if he hadn’t heard Suigetsu.  Then, when Suigetsu was almost out of earshot, he said, “I might return in time to take the fourth shift tomorrow night, but then I would be foregoing sleep entirely, and must rest the next day.”

 

Suigetsu kept walking.  “Don’t fucking worry about it.”

 

Four shifts for four people.  Theoretically, it could work.  In practice, it wasn’t going so well.  Kakashi did his shift dutifully, always the first, so that he could be home for Sakura to sleep.  He acted as if she couldn’t close her eyes unless he was there to watch over her.

 

Juugo did his shift sometimes, but he was like a walking zombie.  Last night Suigetsu had caught Juugo staring into the waves, inching closer, tears streaming down his face.  And Katashi screamed in nightmares whenever Juugo wasn’t there, Suigetsu knew.  It wasn’t hard to imagine that Juugo’s hulking presence made the boy feel safe.  Suigetsu wouldn’t soon forget the heart wrenching terror on the child’s face, and so relented.  He rarely asked Juugo for a shift.

 

Both Sai and Kakashi left with the fishing boats before the fourth shift ended.  There was always some crisis that needed attending, something to prevent more than one shift being covered.  How their priorities were still with the most inane shit, even after the Kizanu struck, drove Suigetsu mad.

 

He was vigilant all day long.  Was it too much to ask for a little help at night?

 

Everyone in the village worked hard all day to prepare themselves for winter, which had already begun to descend.  Suigetsu understood none of it.  He cared for none of it.  He hauled anything that was asked of him, and until last week, had hunted with Juugo to build their meat stores.  But game had become quite scarce as the cold set in and there was no time for such things now.

 

We still must eat,  Sai would spout, like an annoying pale little bat.  But the dead ate nothing.

 

And so Suigetsu paced around the quiet village that slumbered after their day’s toils, constantly on edge with the worry that they wouldn’t live to see another day to toil in.  The problem was that he’d just woken from his first shift nap and felt as if he hadn’t slept at all.  He wasn’t scheduled to sleep again until first shift tomorrow.

 

But what else was there?  So he kept walking, and walking, and walking.  When the first rays of the sun began to poke over the horizon, Suigetsu wandered to the beach to watch it.  Even now, sunrises were beautiful, though he’d never admit it to Sasuke or Juugo.

 

The pinks and oranges cut through the haze just enough to make out something floating in the water.  Flotsam wasn’t unheard of, but Suigetsu went closer to inspect it anyway.  At least investigating would break the tedium.

 

When Suigetsu spotted the red headscarf bobbing in the waves, his heart caught in his throat.  Had Mitsuko been accounted for today?  She told them of this village, but she herself was from an inland community.  It was unlikely she knew how to swim.

 

He ran into the water, the waves interrupting his chakra hold so he was only partially afloat.  “Mitsuko!” he called, wading through, the salt water seeping through his skin and making his stomach churn.

 

But as he got closer, Suigetsu saw that the scarf was only caught on a piece of driftwood.  He grabbed it, fighting the urge to retch as he dragged himself out of the water.  He beelined to Mitsuko’s shack -- for Suigetsu had taken it upon himself now to memorize the layout of the place.  She was one of the few to have one by herself, though a tiny thing it was, hardly more than a closet.  It had once been a storage shed.

 

He knocked, but didn’t receive an immediate answer, and so burst in.  Mitsuko was blinking sleepily at him from her rag bed on the floor, scrambling to pull the fabric high enough to cover her naked torso.

 

Suigetsu stood there shivering, soaking wet, and couldn’t think of a word to say.  Her red headscarf still attempted to contain her towheaded curls.  The scarf he found wasn’t hers after all.

 

“Just checking on you,” he said stupidly.  The saltwater contaminated his body faster than he could filter it and he sincerely hoped he wouldn’t puke on Mitsuko’s floor, dirt though it was.

 

She was cowering in the corner, looking at him with wide and terrified eyes, just like Katashi had.  Her tiny frail body was hardly bigger than the child’s anyway, but she slowly dropped the sheet that covered her, revealing small pert breasts with dusky nipples that stood at attention in the chilly night air.

 

Suigetsu cocked his head, grinning.  “You comin’ on to me?  I didn’t know you were kinky like that.”

 

But her blue eyes weren’t suggestive.  They were dull, a little bit angry, and something else it took Suigetsu a while to place - resigned.  As Suigetsu realized what was going on, his smile faded.

 

She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling.  “Get on with it then.”

 

“What the fuck are you doing?”  He staggered a step backward, dropping the red, waterlogged rag to the ground.  “Get up.”

 

Mitsuko sat up a little, fine brows knit in confusion.  “I won’t give you any trouble, I swear.  Just don’t hit me, please.”

 

The saltwater threatened to overturn Suigetsu’s stomach for real.  “What do you think this is?”

 

The question was a stupid one.  Suigetsu had lived in Orochimaru’s compound for long enough to know a prisoner when he saw one.

 

He always thought that war brought out the worst in people, as the never ending civil disputes in Water country taught him -- but he’d been wrong.  This was worse.

 

“Those fucking Kizanu,” he swore, and Mitsuko turned red as she realized her mistake.  “Put your clothes back on.   Fuck .”

 

Even as Suigetsu slammed the door to the shack and stormed out, he knew it didn’t really have anything to do with the Kizanu.  They happened to be this girl’s tormentors, but it could have been anyone she stumbled across.

 

Suigetsu went to his own shack and sat on his bed, much nicer than the one Mitsuko had been afforded.  Why did he merit better accommodations than her?  Because he was a ninja?  What a joke.  Any humanity left in the world was not allotted to ninja.  Not anymore.

 

More than anything, Suigetsu just wanted to lie down and go to sleep and forget this whole mess.  They didn’t care if he slept, or jerked off the entire day, or twiddled his goddamn thumbs, so why bother?  They would still look at him like a boogeyman.

 

He got up anyway.  The fourth shift wasn’t over yet.

 

\---

  
  


Suigetsu realized he had nodded off in the middle of Sakura’s medical breakdown of Sasuke’s condition when she slapped him on the shoulder.  He jerked awake.

 

“That’s good, right?” she said pointedly.  “Sasuke-kun is doing so well.”

 

“Yeah, awesome,” he said, yawning.

 

“ You asked me.  Sorry if it bored you so much.”  Sakura rolled her eyes, rubbing her ribs where the baby was likely giving her trouble.  “You should stop doing this to yourself.  We don’t have enough for a perimeter.”

 

“It’s better than nothing,” Suigetsu snapped, fully awake now.  “Not like you help any.”

 

She shook her head.  “You’re torturing yourself for nothing.  They could slip in while you’re on the other side of the village.  Better to be fully rested if they do attack, hmm?”

 

“Fuck off.”  Suigetsu scowled, ignoring her as she gave Sasuke a kiss on the cheek and left.

 

Sasuke’s chuckle didn’t do anything to lift Suigetsu’s spirits.  “She’s right, you know.  But the idea is good, we just don’t have enough bodies to fill it in.”

 

“Yeah, well, I don’t  have more bodies, so I’ll make due with what I’ve got.”

 

Sasuke got out of bed, following Sakura’s orders to get some light exercise by walking around the room.  “I’ll take a shift tonight.”

 

Suigetsu snorted.  “You couldn’t guard milk from a kitten.  Just do what Cutiepie says and get back to normal.”

 

Sasuke might  look  back to normal to the untrained eye, but Suigetsu knew better.  The improvement was vast, but Suigetsu wouldn’t risk Sasuke’s recovery just for a little shuteye.

 

“It’s just that they’re so helpless,” Suigetsu whined.  “They might as well be like that brat Sakura’s got inside her belly.  How do you stop bugs from being squashed if they insist on walking around under your foot?”

 

Sasuke shrugged, doing a lunge to stretch out his stagnated muscles.  “Even children can learn.  So teach them.”

 

“Huh.”  Suigetsu sat back in his chair, dumbfounded.  “Bodies.”

 

\---

 

“Ha!” Jobu cried out as he brought his wooden sword down on Inari’s head, clattering Inari’s own sword to the ground.  “You pup! Stand strong.  Like this.”

 

Jobu demonstrated a better overhead parry and Suigetsu just lifted his own elbows to show Jobu the correct angle.  He corrected immediately and Inari tried to imitate.  Jobu was Suigetsu’s best student.

 

“Isamu-san did a great job on those swords, didn’t he?” Harumi piped up from beside Suigetsu, where she had sat after delivering all the men their meals.

 

This was their lunch hour.  More than Suigetsu had anticipated volunteered to give them up, with many of those returning after dinner for more practice.

 

“They won’t do much against a Kizanu,” Suigetsu said, frowning.

 

“Better than bare fists,” Harumi said with a shrug.  “It gives them something to do to feel like they’re helping.  It’s a good thing.”

 

“Is it?”  Suigetsu’s eyes followed another Water countryman.  They had spent a lot of time just listening to his instruction.  It was their first chance to spar, so Suigetsu didn’t interfere despite their horrible form.

 

“There's nowhere to go but forward or straight into the ground, so might as well keep moving,” Harumi said, echoing her words from weeks ago.  “This is a step forward.”

 

Suigetsu said nothing, watching his students nearly crack their own skulls half the time.  “Or a step into the ground.”

 

Harumi laughed, her humor dark as ever, and patted his arm.  “They may not see what you do, but I do.  From a whore to a ninja, take my word for it.  I’m grateful.”

 

From across the clearing, Suigetsu spotted Sasuke walking out of his house -- stepping forward.  He smiled.


	25. The Proposal

Kakashi stared at the choppy water, the color of steel and just as cold as it slid over his fingers and inside his fingerless gloves as he hauled in the nets.  By the end of the day, his gloves would be white and half frozen stiff, but without them, the crude netting would cut and slice into his hands to be followed by the sting of salt.  He’d thought his hands were tough enough for anything, worn by years of handling metal weaponry and smashing against ungiving flesh, but suddenly being thrust into the life of a fisherman taught Kakashi he was wrong.

 

To Kakashi’s right, Ichiro hauled the netting with bare hands as if he felt nothing -- even Inari’s hands on the left were calloused enough, and he a boy of fifteen.

 

The very first time they took Kakashi out on the boat -- and boat was a generous word for the tiny, banged up dinghy that Isamu had patched up -- Kakashi had been thankful for his mask, sure it hid tinges of green.  Still, he kept his composure and took his turn rowing until Ichiro announced it was time to stop.  Then Kakashi calmly stood up and stepped off the boat, much more comfortable in the open sea with his chakra to stand on, and thrust a lightning filled fist into the frigid water.

 

All around, fish began to float to the surface belly up, but to Kakashi’s surprise, they were mostly small fish, hardly worth eating.  Ichiro and Inari had laughed at him.

 

“Did you think we needed more bait?” Ichiro asked, taking a swig of fresh water.  “Well, go on, then.  Gather it up.”

 

After that, Kakashi had followed Ichiro’s lead silently.  At the end of the day, when they were headed home and Kakashi was sullenly picturing the glee on Sakura’s face at his expense when she heard about the day’s happenings, Ichiro clapped him on the back.

 

“It’s a man’s work, eh?  A little different than the old days, maybe.  You’ll get used to it.”

 

Inari grinned.  “Isn’t it cool?  This is almost like my father used to do it.  But we had a better boat.  And it wasn’t so cold.”

 

Kakashi just grunted.  When they landed to find Daichi helping Sai out of a net he’d found himself hopelessly tangled in, Kakashi felt a bit better.

 

Each day got a little easier until at last even Kakashi’s muscles didn’t ache, as well trained as they were.  Now it was only his hands that gave him away.

 

When they were done and the boat was fully moored, Kakashi made his way to the raised cabin he shared with Sakura.  As he climbed the stairs to the front door, he heard cursing so foul it would have made her mother’s hair curl, had she still been alive.  Good.  Sakura was home.  The thought warmed the sea chill right out of Kakashi's bones.

 

She paid him little mind as he entered, only a distracted greeting tossed over her shoulder indicating she noticed him at all.  She was bent over the long table he supposed served as a counter or storage space of some type but generally went wholly unused by them.  Today, Sakura was using it as a fish cleaning station, albeit awkwardly, having to work around her fully ripened pregnant belly.

 

“Gutting fish inside the house.”  Kakashi propped his shoulder against the doorjamb, watching her tongue poking out between her lips in utter concentration.  “Appropriate.  Logical.  Won’t smell at all.”

 

Sakura’s knife slipped and she cut something Kakashi was fairly certain was meant to stay intact.  “I can’t do it outside, can I, or the other women will see how hopeless I still am at it,  won’t they ?”

 

Sakura’s tone was bordering on dangerous and Kakashi raised his hands in supplication.  “Where’d you get the fish?  We just came in,” he said in a tactical changing of subject.

 

“Sai smuggled it to me.  I think he might have put one down his pants, but I guess it’s still edible.  We’re having dinner here tonight, just me and you.  It was supposed to be a surprise and ready when you got home, but you can see how well  that’s going.”  

 

She sounded miserable.  A strand of hair fell out of her hair tie and kept tickling her nose.  She tried to blow it away and then to swipe it away without using her scaly hands.  Kakashi stepped forward and tucked it behind her ear, chuckling at the petulant scowl on her face.

 

“Marry me.”

 

He didn’t plan it, but the slack jawed look on her face that made her slightly resemble the fish she was filleting made it worth it.

 

“What?” she spluttered.

 

“You heard me.  Or is your hearing as bad as your butchering skills?”

 

“I’ll butcher  you ,” she pouted, but still, the corners of her mouth were fighting a smile.

 

Once again, Kakashi reached up and pushed away the stubborn piece of hair, hand lingering on her jawline.  “Would you really, Sakura-chan?”

 

“Never,” she whispered, setting the knife aside and facing him.  She gave in to the smile, lifting onto her toes, clearly anticipating a kiss.

 

He leaned forward as if to oblige her, but stopped just short.  “So marry me,” he said against her lips.

 

She giggled.  “Kakashi, we’re already married.”

 

“Marry me anyway.”

 

“Hmm,” she said, quirking her head as if she was thinking about it, green eyes sparkling mischievously.  “Okay.  I guess I can pencil in some time for that.”

 

“How generous.  But I'm serious."

 

Why Kakashi wanted her to know this, he couldn't say.  They were, as she said, already married, legally and all.  But it seemed important, somehow.

 

She caught his mood, leaning her forehead against his chin with a deep breath.  "Kakashi..."

 

"Marry me," he repeated throatily, exhalation disturbing the wispy flyaway hairs on the crown of her pink head.

 

"Is this about the baby?" she said.  "You're already his father.  You don't have to --"

 

"I didn't ask the baby to marry me," Kakashi said, trying and failing to regain his flippant tone.

 

She looked up at him, gaze keen and scrutinizing.  He waited for her, swallowing against a dry mouth.

 

Voice soft, she finally spoke.  "Of course I will, stupid."

 

At last, he took down his salt-stiffened mask and kissed her gently, hands on her shoulders.  Her own hands, hopelessly dirty, stayed at her side, but she returned the kiss as deeply as she could with her belly in the way.

 

“But how will I make out the invitations?” she laughed as she went back to the task at hand.

 

Taking pity on her, he moved to help, but she turned the knife on him, narrowing her eyes.  “Sit down!  You’re the husband, I’m the wife!  That’s how it works!”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Kakashi said obediently and sat at their rickety little table.

 

He would wait patiently.  No matter how long it took, or what it tasted like, he knew it would be the best meal he ever ate.

 

\---

 

“I would literally kill,” Sakura moaned, smothering herself with her pillow, “for some mochi.  Or some umeboshi.  Preferably mashed together.  On top of soba noodles.  And I really mean it.   With my bare hands or with a kunai, I don’t care.  I’d  kill for it.”

 

“That, Sakura-chan, is disgusting,” Kakashi said cheerfully, tearing the pillow away to give her a quick kiss.

 

“I know!” she wailed.  “It even sounds gross!  What is wrong with me?”

 

“Haven’t we been over this before?”  Kakashi patted her belly gently, ignoring the slightly disturbing way it was rolling, like waves in the ocean; the baby had been active all night.  “Nothing’s wrong with you.  You’re just pregnant.”

 

“I have to pee again,” Sakura said miserably.

 

It was the third time in the last hour, and she now required assistance to move from a prone position.  The women had recently banned Sakura from working all but the lightest tasks, laughing and shooing her away when she tried.  It hadn’t improved her mood.  Without complaint, Kakashi got up and helped her onto their chamber bucket.

 

“I think he’s bouncing on my bladder,” she grumbled.  “That’s not a waterbed!” she said shrilly in the direction of her stomach.  “Mommy is tired of this because you won’t let her sleep!”

 

She stayed too long on the chamberpot, lost in thought.  “You know what I really want?  Something with soy sauce.   Anything with soy sauce.”

 

“Sorry, Sakura-chan.”  Kakashi heaved a sigh as he helped her up again.

 

She blinked at him.  “What are you apologizing for?  I also want to eat a bar of soap a little bit, even more than I want to use it.  I want dango, too.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to get it.  I don’t expect that from you.”

 

Kakashi said nothing, only fluffed her pillows.  Of course she didn’t expect the impossible from him, but he wanted to give it anyway.  What kind of husband was he that didn’t provide for his pregnant wife’s needs?

 

“You know,” she said, suddenly dour, a frown on her face, “I read somewhere that cravings balance out a mother’s nutritional deficiencies, according to what the fetus needs.  I bet I have so many cravings because he needs so many things I can’t give him…”

 

Kakashi’s hands froze as he was pulling the blankets over her.  After a beat too long, he said, “People have been having healthy babies for centuries with limited variety in their diets.”

 

“I know that.  It’s just something I read.  Shizune might know if it was bullshit or not.”

 

She waved away his fussing, hissing and putting a hand to her side as she shifted.  Almost any movement caused her pain now.  She said it was nothing, and Kakashi just had to trust her.

 

“This isn’t your day off, is it?  Go do something useful.”

 

Kakashi had skipped several work days lately.  No one said a word.  There was an understanding in the camp that Kakashi appreciated.

 

"Yes, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said automatically.  "Call me if you need me."

 

"Yeah, I will," she muttered darkly, trying in vain to get comfortable.

 

Kakashi left, taking the rickety stairs down the the ground two at a time.  He'd rather not leave, but it was getting to the point where staying risked bodily harm.  It was the start of lunch hour, so he wandered off towards the cooking area, an idea formulating in his mind.  Surely a bar of soap was something he hadn’t seen in almost a year, and sweets were almost as rare, but soy sauce…  That  might  be attainable.

 

“Hello, Atsuko-san,” he said to the elderly woman whose knotted fingers were pushing a spoon inside a huge cast iron pot set over the fire.

 

“Good morning,” she said pointedly, though it was into the afternoon.  “What can I do for you?”

 

Kakashi chuckled awkwardly, scratching the knot of his headband.  Was he that unsociable that initiating conversation made it clear he needed a favor?  He supposed he was.

 

Sasuke, sitting for lunch with Juugo, Suigetsu, and Sai nearby, smirked in amusement.

 

Kakashi smiled at Atsuko anyway.  “Well, you may have noticed that my wife is very pregnant…”

 

Atsuko shook her head, giving into a quirk of the lips.  “I did hear a rumor about that, yes.  What is it she’s asking for now?  Tell her I don’t have the ingredients for ramen no matter how badly she wants it.”

 

Realizing that Sakura had tried to satisfy her cravings herself before asking Kakashi for help almost wiped the smile off his face.  “Hmm.  Well, recently she mentioned she’d like something with soy sauce, and I was hoping to surprise her.  I thought I remembered a certain dish last week --”

 

“Sorry,” Atsuko said, cutting him off.  “I know what you’re asking for, but we found only one bottle of soy sauce, and I used it to make my son’s favorite meal, or as close to it as I could get.  It was Ichiro's birthday last week.”

 

Kakashi sighed.  He could tell by the steely look on Atsuko’s face and her squared jaw as she squinted into the soup she was making that even if the crone knew where more soy sauce was, she would save it for her son.  She’d had eight children and fifteen grandchildren, once -- now just Ichiro remained.  Too well, Kakashi understood looking after your own; that was, after all, why he was here at all.  Most likely, though, there was no more soy sauce left, just as she said.  It hadn’t been a staple in their diet by any means.

 

“I see.  No worries.”

 

With more sympathy in her ice-colored eyes, Atsuko motioned for one of the women from Lightning.  “Hana, Hatake-san needs lunch, and his wife as well.  Give her a little extra, hmm?  We’ve a little one to watch after.”

 

Slowly, careful not to spill, Kakashi walked with their meals back to the little house he shared with Sakura.  When she looked with glum eyes on the venison stew leftover from last night, he said nothing.  She’d eaten it with gusto then, but her appetite was as slippery as a fish these days.  Despite her obvious dislike, she thanked him and ate the stew without complaint.

 

\---

 

The next day, Kakashi woke nervous.  As he lay in bed next to a peacefully sleeping Sakura, he could only find himself thinking about how she didn't snore anymore.  It had passed after the early parts of pregnancy, but just now, Kakashi would give anything for it to return.  When Sakura snored, her grouchiness was containable and rarely splashed over to include Kakashi, and the deep discomfort that caused it was nowhere to be seen.  When Sakura still snored, Kakashi didn't have to help her use the toilet; his breath didn't catch in his chest whenever she sat up in bed, waiting for the wince of pain that would distort her pretty face.  Most importantly, when Sakura snored, she could still move with ease.  It was this that concerned Kakashi now.

 

There had been a final assessment of winter stores, and Sakura decided that they must have some key medicines in a nearby Konoha medical facility.  She, of course, must be the one to go fetch it, because no one else knew how to discern what was useful and what was not.

 

Kakashi had grown tired of arguing with her over it.  For the past few days, he hadn't mentioned it again, hoping she would eventually relent to his wishes -- but now that the day was here, he knew he'd been foolish to hope for that.  When a few Water countrymen caught colds and needed antibiotics they did not have, Sakura made her mind up then and there.  The need was mild now, she insisted, but potentially life threatening later.  The course of Sasuke's illness could have been changed dramatically, she said.  The weather will change soon, she pleaded.

 

Sakura's increasing frustration at feeling useless was something Kakashi understood all too well.  She would go, and since none could challenge her medical authority on her own travel fitness, there was nothing more he could say about it.

 

Instead, he let her sleep.  If she didn't wake yet, she couldn't leave yet.  Besides, the baby had finally settled last night and Sakura deserved to catch up on rest.

 

Kakashi looked at her while she slept, the cover pulled down to her waist sometime in the night.  The chill -- more than mere chill, truth be told -- of the morning left her with stiff nipples.  Her nipples, like the rest of her, were completely different than they'd been when they'd first slept together.  Her breasts then were the modest breasts of a fit fighter, the areola small and light.  Now, her breasts were almost unrecognizable -- Ino's description of Sakura as "boobs that swallowed a beach ball" was accurate -- but it wasn't just the size.  Even the coloring was different.  They sometimes leaked discharge that Kakashi just avoided speaking of.

 

Her hips, too, had expanded, a different shape entirely than they were before she fell pregnant.  The belly, distended with her little belly button poking out, a darker line down the middle, was expected.  Kakashi knew that would change, but some other changes had caught him off guard -- the extra hair in unexpected places, the swollen feet, all of it.

 

Still, her breasts and everything else too interested Kakashi just as much as they did then, perhaps even more so.  Even staring at her in innocent curiosity had inspired half an erection -- but then again, how innocent had he ever truly been?

 

It had been ages since they had tried and failed to have sex.  Kakashi knew how long with an uncomfortable amount of accuracy.   Later , they'd said then, but both knew it wasn't true.  Of course the end of intercourse was to be expected at some point, but that made it no less unpleasant.  Kakashi didn't mention it, knowing it would be cruel.  She couldn't even do as he was now, stroking his own cock into a full hard on, still fixated on her breasts.

 

When the urge came to him more strongly to slide his dick between her full breasts as she slept, Kakashi got up and quietly padded into the kitchen.  It wouldn't be fair to disturb her for one sided pleasure.

 

As he touched himself, he imagined Sakura post pregnancy.  She would enjoy sex again, he was sure of it -- she wasn't shy anymore, and asked for what she wanted often enough for Kakashi to know she would be willing as soon as she was able.  The thought spurred him on, imagining himself fucking her again as she was, for once the thoughts of her not being pregnant anymore unaccompanied by ideas of an actual baby.

 

But she wouldn't just return to how she was, would she?  The thought struck Kakashi like a lightning bolt, slowing his hand.  He'd been enjoying a particularly vivid memory of his finger deep in her pink pussy.  She'd requested two, but the fit was too tight; unlike his penis, his fingers felt the power of her pleasure as pain when he stretched her too far.

 

Would that, too, change?  Kakashi once overheard a casual conversation between Ino and Kurenai about how they'd had to slice her vagina open for the baby to pass through.  It hadn't seemed to concern the women, but he was as disturbed now as he had been then.  

 

There had been siblings for as long as there had been people, so Kakashi logically knew it would be fine, but logic wasn't helping his dick out at the moment.

 

And yet it had been so long and his balls ached so much for release that Kakashi's brain scrambled of its own volition, trying to revert the picture to something more palatable.

 

In this very moment, palatable came in the form of Shizune. With his eyes closed and his head reclined on the cushion of the tatty sofa, Kakashi could see her quite clearly, smirking that half smirk she did when chastising a sore loser -- most often, Sakura. The large yukata always covering her body left quite literally  everything to the imagination, but just then, Kakashi didn’t want anything else. He could imagine the weight of her breasts in his hands and their shape and size, or the way they would wave back and forth as he fucked her, all without the intimacy of picturing her real body. In his fantasy, Shizune was eager, mewling her pleasure like Sakura had in the beginning. Her hips, too, were much like the ones he remembered gripping during their first encounter. 

 

Give me a six of spades and next time I’ll swallow , Sakura said once during another game of cards, and, although he didn’t have a six, he had found a way.

 

Kakashi clenched his jaw as he came to the sight of Shizune doing just that, still having half a mind to muffle any noises he made. 

 

When the roaring in his ears subsided as he came down from his orgasm, Kakashi registered soft sounds from the other room.   Satiety made his limbs sluggish but shame motivated him to haste, and quickly, Kakashi cleaned himself up and went to check on Sakura.

 

She was on her back in the middle of the bed, rocking side to side in an effort to help herself up.  Guilty green eyes met his at being caught, but it was nothing compared to the guilt that lanced itself through his own stomach.  Kakashi's heavily pregnant wife had been struggling to get out of bed while he pleasured himself to thoughts of her almost-sister.  It wasn't her sister he wanted, but that didn't change anything.

 

Immediately, Kakashi helped Sakura up and to the chamberpot.

 

"I could have done it," she said quietly.

 

They were both thinking of the trek they would make today, at least six hours each way by foot as a civilian travels -- which was how they'd be traveling, for Sakura's sake.

 

Kakashi might have argued before, but with the burning in his gut, he just smiled at her.  "Of course.  But you make a very cute turtle, Sakura-chan."

 

"Oh, shush," she hissed, flushing deeply, and they were back in familiar territory, teasing and laughing as they prepared for breakfast, a meal thankfully taken privately within each house.

 

But as they chewed on their tough, stringy jerky and Kakashi watched Sakura make faces as if she wished she could spit it out, an idea came to Kakashi slowly.

 

"Sakura, look at me," he said.

 

She complied, staring blandly.  "What?"

 

Before Kakashi could explain, Sasuke was at the door, opening it without bothering to knock.  Kakashi sighed.  Leave it to Sasuke to be early.

 

"What is it, Kakashi?" Sakura asked, unconcerned as Sasuke made himself comfortable at their table.

 

"There is a way," Kakashi said, "to make you believe you are eating anything you want to eat.  Even mochi-umeboshi soba.  Even a bar of soap.  Do you want to try it?"

 

Sakura pulled a face even worse than she had at the jerky.  "No way!  What are you going to do, genjutsu my next orgasm?"

 

Kakashi kept his face blank as Sasuke laughed at his misfortune.  For sure this time, Kakashi had thought he had earned a smile from Sakura, so rare these days.

 

Sakura caught herself, blushing again.  "Sorry.  I'm just not a huge fan of using genjutsu like that.  The last time you used genjutsu on me, I watched Sasuke die.  And even when the illusion is nice...  Ino still almost never woke up."

 

"I didn't think of it that way," Kakashi said, trying to brush it off like the insignificant incident it really was.  "It was just an idea."

 

"I appreciate the thought," Sakura said quickly, forcing an awkward smile.  "I was a bit of a jerk about it.  Sorry."

 

Kakashi shrugged, smiling back at her.

 

Ubiquitous smirk plastered on his face, Sasuke reached into his pocket.  "Hey, Sakura-chan, I have a surprise for you too.”

 

Sasuke threw a singular pack of soy sauce on the table, one of the tiny ones, probably a remnant of someone's long ago takeout that had somehow survived so that Sasuke could find it after the world ended.

 

As little a thing as it was, Sakura's eyes lit up with joy.  "Sasuke-kun!  Where did you find it?"

 

"Around," Sasuke said with a shrug.

 

Sakura pushed herself up with one hand on the table to lean over and hug him.  "Did you know I've been dying for this?"

 

"Huh.  What a coincidence."

 

Over Sakura's shoulder, Sasuke mouthed "thank you" to Kakashi.  Kakashi's fists clenched under the table.

 

Suddenly, a very precise and polite knock came at the door.  "Come in, Sai!" Sakura called, more cheerful than she'd been in days.

 

With some trepidation, Sai entered the shack, now quite crowded with four people.  "I'm sure you are busy preparing for the mission, but I wanted to ensure you got proper nutrition before embarking."

 

He held up a cutting board with an elaborate attempt at what appeared to be various types of sushi spread across it.  They were haphazard and sloppy, the rice nowhere near sticky enough and falling out of the wrappers that weren't the right type of seaweed, but Sakura cooed over it happily as if it were actually the child growing inside of her.

 

"Oh, Sai!  You've been practicing your cooking we worked on!" she said with her mouth already full.  "I love it."

 

Sai looked almost uncomfortable at her gushing gratitude, shifting his weight as he held the cutting board steady while she ate off of it, apparently unable even to make it back to the table.  "The cooking part still seems to be a challenge, but this was more like assembly.  And I heard Kakashi-taichou mention you wanted some soy sauce.  I could not find any, but the seaweed here is very salty, so I thought..."

 

"That is so thoughtful," Sakura moaned, her eyes nearly rolling back in pleasure as she ate a piece of seared eel.

 

"Didn't you hate that seaweed just last week, Sakura?" Kakashi couldn't stop himself from asking, trying to keep his tone merely curious but not entirely succeeding.

 

Sakura ignored him.  "You always give the  best gifts, Sai.  Thank you so much."

 

It was some comfort to Kakashi to see that Sasuke's surly expression matched his own.  They had both been one-upped.

 

And then Sakura paused before she ate the last piece of sushi and retrieved the soy sauce packet.  Unceremoniously, she dumped the entire thing onto the sashimi and crammed it into her mouth.

 

"Oh my  god ."  Sakura swallowed the last bite.  "What did I do to deserve such sweet men in my life?"

 

Sasuke's smirk was back.  "Why would you have to do anything at all, Sakura-chan?"

 

She laughed.  "I could have at least offered you some.  Sorry I'm such a pig lately."

 

"It's alright, I didn't want any." Sasuke said, the saccharine tone foreign in his voice. 

 

Sakura was too pre-occupied with profusely thanking Sai again to notice when Sasuke turned to Kakashi with a smug smirk on his face.

 

"I won," Sasuke said to Kakashi, smug.

 

Kakashi cocked his head to the side in feigned nonchalance.  "I believe Sai won."

 

Sasuke's smirk grew more pronounced.  "At least I had a  real  gift."

 

"It's not a contest!" Sakura said sharply.  "Grow up."

 

"Of course, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, affecting mildness.

 

For something that wasn't a competition, he surely had lost, despite it being them who hijacked his desire to make Sakura happy.  Losing was not something Kakashi was accustomed to.  With a last glance at Sasuke, Kakashi turned to Sakura, smiling.

 

"Well, shall you tell them, or shall I?  I nearly forgot."

 

"Oh, me too!" Sakura exclaimed, annoyance shed as quickly as it came.  "I didn't even see anyone yesterday because I was cooped up in the house, but we have news.  Kakashi and I are getting married!"

 

Even Sai's blank stare could not dampen Sakura's bright smile that even sushi and soy sauce couldn't trump.  Sasuke's smirk turned into a sour frown.

 

"The women said memory loss can be a symptom of pregnancy.  Does this affect fathers too?" Sai asked slowly, having long since learned caution when broaching such subjects.

 

He relaxed when Sakura just giggled.  "We know we're already married, silly.  But you know, for real this time.  When things settle down.  The baby will be there and everything can be nice and pretty and I'll wear a dress and not look like a whale.  It'll be so much fun, you'll see!"

 

Sakura flounced back over to Kakashi, sitting on his lap and steadying herself with her arms around his neck.  "I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but aren't you excited?"

 

"Always, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said with a smile, and he meant it, but her face turned suspicious.

 

Sakura turned with narrowed eyes to Sasuke, and threw up her hands in frustration at the look on his face.  "You two!  I'm not dealing with this all day.  I refuse."

 

Kakashi shrugged, casually running a hand along the curve of her belly.  "Sasuke could always stay in the village.  Best not to send us both, really, in case something happens here."

 

Her nostrils flared and she pushed off his lap, not bothering to hide her grimace of pain as she did so, clutching a stitch in her side.  "Excellent point," she snapped.  "You can both stay in the village.  I'll go with Sai."

 

Sai blinked.  "Me?"

 

"Yes, you, and either Juugo or Suigetsu, whichever one --"

 

"I'm going," Kakashi interjected with force.  "That's an order."

 

She ignored him breezily, gesturing for Sai to gather the nearly empty packs Sasuke had brought.  Sai obeyed, still looking baffled.

 

"I'm going," Kakashi repeated.

 

"You're not my commander anymore," Sakura said, not looking at him, "or my captain.  You're my husband now, and  I say you're not going.  I'm eight months pregnant and I can't handle the stress of you two constantly bickering.  This trip will be hard enough as it is."

 

Kakashi's jaw clenched so hard his teeth ached.

 

"Sakura," Sasuke protested in alarm.  "Don't be ridiculous.  We'll be fine, just --"

 

"Don't be  ridiculous ?" she screeched, and Sasuke winced.  "No.  I have one child to worry about already.  I don't need three.  Not today.  I'll take Sai, who can actually be a helpful companion without waving his goddamn prick around."

 

Sai adjusted the backpack straps on his back, awkwardly avoiding anyone's gaze.

 

Sasuke stood and stepped in front of the door, crossing his arms.  "You’re not going without at least one of us.  What if the Kizanu attack --"

 

Sakura snorted in disdain, tossing her hair over her shoulder.  "You think I'm so helpless, don't you, like a little damsel in distress.  I can take care of myself.  The civilians can't.  If you want to lead so much, you have a lot to learn about threat assessment.  Everyone might be beneath you, it's true, and you make it so fucking  obvious \--"  She shook her head.  "Never mind. This conversation is pointless.  Move out of my way."

 

Sasuke widened his stance, steeling himself for a fight.  "Make me."

 

Face impassive, Sakura batted him aside like a fly, a mere flick of her wrist sending him crashing against the wall.  Sasuke caught himself before he fell, but his eyes were wide as he stared at her like he'd never seen her before.

 

"Thank you," she sneered, and it seemed to mean something to Sasuke that Kakashi did not comprehend, for his face immediately darkened as he emanated anger.

 

"Let's go, Sai," Sakura said, and stalked out the door.

 

With a last glance back at shock-silent Kakashi and Sasuke, Sai tagged along after her.

 

...

 

Kakashi passed the time in brooding silence waiting for Sakura's return.  There was plenty of work to be done, but he did none of it.  He ate lunch only begrudgingly because his body demanded sustenance, sitting by the fire long after almost everyone else had gone to work.

 

Only Nobuya remained.  It was his off day, but he still worked on mending a fish trap.  They sat in comfortable silence as Kakashi watched Sasuke in the distance flirt with the butcher girl Himawari.  Kakashi could guarantee Sasuke hadn't had a lonely wank in his kitchen today or any other day; there was always a woman in his bed, it seemed, whether it be Hinata, Himawari, or even Sakura.  So what if one of them kicked him to the dog house?  There would always be another.

 

"Do you remember being so young with such energy?" Nobuya asked, amusement in his voice, though his attention was still on the basket funnel in his hands.

 

Kakashi's gaze broke away from Sasuke with a dark chuckle.  "Can't say I've ever had that much energy, truth be told."

 

"Me neither," Nobuya said, quirking his scarred lips.  "Your wife is just as young, is she not?" 

 

The question was pointed, and Kakashi did not know how to answer.  Nobuya wasn't the type to judge, but he was curious.  Kakashi knew him well enough by now to understand that.

 

"She's quite spirited as well," Kakashi finally said, for lack of anything else to say.

 

Kakashi had his fair share of trysts in his day, enough to know the minute he touched her that it was something else entirely, even as it was exactly the same.  But he was her first.  How would she know the difference?

 

"It is nice to borrow energy from youth every once in awhile," Nobuya said, his eyes following his nimble fingers.  "I can't say I blame you for taking comfort where you find it."

 

Nobuya couldn't know it, but he was beginning to sound like Gai.  Kakashi's throat tightened at the reminder.

 

"She seems very happy," Nobuya said, softer this time, as if he sensed he had misstepped.  "With you, I mean."

 

"I'm happy with her, at least," Kakashi said haltingly.

 

What went unsaid was that he was unsure how happy she really was with  him .

 

"I thought you and Sasuke-san had a trip planned today," Nobuya said, clearly reading between the lines.

 

"She changed the roster," Kakashi said with a shrug, smiling sheepishly.  "Something about not wanting to babysit three children as opposed to one."

 

"Ah."  Nobuya wiggled his melted nose, trying not to laugh.  "Spirited indeed."

 

It was killing him, sitting here having this stupid conversation when Sakura was off with only Sai and Juugo to protect her.  Kakashi hadn't let her this far out of his sight  during the war, let alone after it.  If it was their child going off without them, would she see it the same way, Kakashi wondered?  But she wasn't a child.

 

When the silence stretched too long, Nobuya spoke again.  "I met my wife at a community dance. I'd come home to the village from university to visit my mother.  A grade school friend dragged me out, and from the moment I saw her...  All brown eyes and plump curves, chubby even, but the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.  I went to school because I thought I was better than my village. I thought I wanted the city life and all that came with it.  And it only took one shy smile from her to show me what an idiot I was."

 

As Nobuya spoke of his wife, his face relaxed into a genuine smile and the ghost of the handsome man he had once surely been showed itself on his features.

 

"She was twelve," Kakashi said, and Nobuya carefully did not react.  "She was twelve when we met, and my student, and I never would have thought we would be here.  She was predictable, I thought.  She interested me very little.  So you see, she proved me an idiot too."

 

"As women are meant to do," Nobuya agreed lightly, tearing off a string with his teeth.

 

"She was only sixteen when I first brought her to bed," Kakashi said plainly.  The cold pit in his stomach that turned his skin to stone whenever the subject was brought up did not develop this time.  He was just empty.  "I have no true defense.  And that's how it is."

 

Sixteen seemed more comforting than the truth, which Kakashi could admit to no one, not even Nobuya, perhaps not even Sakura herself.  Sex was the final threshold they crossed, the point of no return, but who could say it was the first?  Was it when Kakashi began to lean on Sakura for emotional support the way she already leaned on him, when she was no more than thirteen?  Was it the first time she'd shown interest in Icha Icha at fourteen and he'd let her read it over his shoulder?  Or maybe it was the almost-kiss he well remembered in the fall before the war.  She was fifteen and they had just sparred; he teased her by whipping out Icha Icha, which, of course, she had to wrestle from him once he sat. But when he placed his hands on her thighs and smiled, it wasn't a game anymore. He remembered pulling down his mask, the red color of Sakura's cheeks and the way she gripped the collar of his shirt when he leaned closer.  Shizune or someone else inconsequential to him had interrupted them when his lips touched Sakura’s -- hardly enough to qualify as more than a brushing of skin.  Even more grievous an offense was the long mission where their libidos got the best of them and they'd failed to be private about taking care of it.  Was that the day his thoughts had wandered from safe territory?  Or had it already begun long before without his realizing?

 

"I never should have done it," Kakashi said, his voice harsher than he expected.  "What kind of life have I robbed from her?"

 

"Now, now," Nobuya said, frowning slightly.  "I'm sure she wouldn't agree.  I can tell that much.  It's clear she loves you."

 

She did, Kakashi knew.  And he loved her.  But did that truly absolve him?  She'd always wanted him, but she wanted romance as well, just like the girl she'd always been.  That first night in the tent, Kakashi wanted her body more than he wanted romance.  That had been the point, then, and she knew it well, just accepted it like she had always done from him.

 

A high pitched giggle from Himawari cut the difference, diverting Kakashi's attention back to Sasuke.  If Kakashi had stayed within the lines of propriety, would Sakura be with Sasuke now?  There was attraction -- Kakashi had even witnessed it, both in their adulthood and when they were children -- and deep affection there.  Sakura was perhaps the only person in the world who could casually assault Uchiha Sasuke and live to tell the tale.  Did Kakashi and Sakura have more than that, really?  Was there even anything more to have?

 

"She was in love with Sasuke her whole life," Kakashi said to Nobuya.  "Sakura, that is."

 

As always, Nobuya hid his surprise well.  "Her life is only beginning.  Stories change."

 

With some effort, Kakashi smiled for Nobuya as if he were comforted.  But the best couples Kakashi ever knew were childhood sweethearts like Minato and Kushina.  Perhaps if Kakashi weren't in the picture, Sakura would be happier.  Perhaps Sasuke would be too.  Maybe her undivided attention would have been enough to ground his roving eye.

 

"I guess I'm a selfish man after all," Kakashi said.

 

"It's not such a bad thing, I don't think."  Nobuya set aside the fish trap and pulled a battered deck of cards from his back pocket.  "Fancy a game?"

 

Knowing Kakashi's answer without waiting for him, Nobuya dealt Kakashi in for a hand of rummy.  They played various games occasionally, never complex, never caring who won or lost.  Kakashi enjoyed it for almost the same reason he did with Sakura. It couldn't be more simple.

 

Kakashi straightened a bent corner on the queen of diamonds.  It didn't matter what might have been, he decided.  There was only what was.

 

His turn came.  He drew a card.

 

...

 

Kakashi stood on the white sand, skipping stones into the surf.  It was a pointless endeavor since the waves interrupted every throw before more than two jumps.

 

He bounced the last stone in his hand.  No matter how bored he was of this, or how much he hated sand in his shoes, there was nowhere else but here to be.  Sakura had left along the coast and along the coast she would return.  This strip of beach was the only one close enough to monitor the village and open enough to see Sakura as she approached -- no matter how many more hours away that was.  The sun was still high in the sky.

 

Kakashi threw the pebble right into a wave.  It never skipped once.

 

"You don't have any more stones," Sasuke said, a smirk in his voice.

 

The double entendre put a sour taste in Kakashi's mouth, but he said nothing.  He stood staring into the grey water as it crept further and further towards his toes.

 

Of course Sasuke was here.  He, too, was anxious for Sakura's return.  This did not comfort Kakashi in the slightest.

 

Predictably, Sasuke wasn't satisfied with Kakashi's lack of reply, and so kept needling. “What will Sakura say when I tell her you’ve been playing cards without her?”

 

It was a stupid joke, and perhaps Sasuke didn't mean it to, but it only highlighted Sasuke's over-involvement in their affairs.  That Sasuke was privy to Kakashi's bedroom games with Sakura rankled Kakashi in a deep way.  He was tired of pretending otherwise.

 

"Perhaps I'll remind her that she's played cards without  me , hmm?  With you, in fact." 

 

Kakashi whirled to face Sasuke in time to see his eyes widen in surprise, just for a split second before they narrowed in anger, fists clenching.

 

“You did know then.”

 

Kakashi chuckled.  "Did you think she'd keep it from me?"

 

Sasuke's fists slowly loosened, fingers unballing to stretch out, pale and long.

 

“That -- that wasn’t the same," Sasuke said, and the timid hesitation in his voice surprised Kakashi but also satisfied him in a visceral way.

 

"What was it then?" 

 

Sasuke broke their locked gazes and looked off to the side at a piece of floating driftwood.  “Nothing," he finally said, voice quiet.

 

"That's right.  Nothing."  Kakashi was cold and cruel even to his own ears, but it matched his insides, sharp and brittle like frozen iron.

 

Some of the buried anger came back to Sasuke now, and he met Kakashi's eyes again, defiant.  Kakashi noticed for the first time that Sasuke was just a hair taller than him now, and therefore looking directly at him, not up like he had for so many years.

 

“You just love rubbing it in my face, don’t you?” Sasuke spat.

 

"Well you don't seem to get the picture," Kakashi said flatly, unsympathetic.  "So I'm just making it clear.  This is how it is." 

 

“That’s what you think? What an old fool you are! What is there not to get? She loves you."  Sasuke's fists were tight again and he trembled as he took a half step forward, foot sinking into the sand.  " You don’t get it. You never did! I don’t want what you have. But I want her back in my life.”

 

Kakashi scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest.  "Back in her life or back in her --"

 

Sasuke took another step, shaking his head and muffling an annoyed growl in the back of his throat.  “If you think that’s why I care, you’re blinder than you think  I am. I want my  life  back.”

 

"That's not my problem," Kakashi said lightly, shrugging his shoulders.  "Should have thought of that sooner, shouldn't you?  I warned you where revenge would lead.  I tried.”

 

Sasuke's jaw bulged where he clenched his teeth, and Kakashi watched as if in slow motion the ungulation of Sasuke's throat as he swallowed with some difficulty.

 

“You tried? You  tried? ” Sasuke threw his head back and laughed uproariously, a hint of the old bitterness poking through his cracks.  “What you did was put chidori in my hand! What do you think a child does with such a weapon?”

 

The fine hairs on the back of Kakashi's neck were raised, the tang of danger tickling his nose.  Kakashi uncrossed his arms, loosening his stance.

 

"I was showing you that we could give you power too, that we had something to offer you, that we would try and help you achieve your goals without compromising your humanity.  But it wasn't enough for you."  Kakashi, too, was bitter and didn't bother to repress it any more.  The past hung between them like an albatross.  "Am I supposed to be sorry?"

 

As he took a few more steps forward, frustration marred Sasuke's perfect, handsome features, impossibly untouched by the violence of their life.  “What do you think these last months have been to me? A picnic? I’m doing all I can to show --"

 

Kakashi's own fists clenched, so quickly the leather of his gloves squeaked.

 

"Do you deserve a picnic, Sasuke?"  His voice was harsh, losing the grace of control as Kakashi's breaths came in heavier.

 

“Of course not!” Sasuke said sharply, looking down and to the side again.  “I regret every one of the choices I’ve made. Including the lake. Are you happy?”

 

Kakashi scoffed once more, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all.  "You  regret fucking my wife.  So nice of you."

 

Sasuke staggered towards him again, almost tripping in the shifting sand.  His chin wobbled, his eyes shone as he wailed, “Do you have any idea what she  means to me?”

 

Though Kakashi had not moved an inch before now, letting Sasuke come to him, in a flash he had bridged the distance to yank Sasuke down by the collar.  "Do you have any idea what she means to  me ?"

 

Kakashi could hardly speak for the fury coursing through his veins, making his muscles bulge and his hands tremble.  Sasuke loved Sakura in the most selfish way.  He used her to validate himself and search for meaning.

 

Sasuke tried to pull free of Kakashi, struggling to break his grip. “You say that as if I’m trying to steal her from you!”

 

What did Sasuke know of love?  Would Sasuke help her wipe her ass when she couldn't, and then find a way to make her feel sexy again?  Or, like this morning, would he do her favors only to earn brownie points, to prop up his own self worth by increasing his standing in her eyes?  Kakashi had just wanted to see her smile -- for her own sake.  And Sasuke had ruined it.

 

"I don't care what you're trying to do," Kakashi spat with venom, shaking Sasuke about the shoulders.  "I don't care if you fucked her on accident or if you're looking for her in every woman you stick your dick in."

 

Sasuke didn't resist and let himself be shaken limply as tears tracked down his pale face.  “Of course you don’t give a shit! If you did, maybe you’d see you’re the fucking reason for all of this!”

 

Kakashi stopped the shaking, too incensed to move or speak for a minute, the anger tying his tongue entirely.  "I'm the reason?" he finally managed to parrot, incredulous.  " I'm the reason?"

 

Weakly, Sasuke tried to pull away again, prying Kakashi's hands off his shoulders, crying all the while. “You do everything you can to keep me away. All I want is to have our team again -- Sakura understood! You didn’t!”

 

With the distinct  smack of flesh on flesh, Kakashi's fist plowed into Sasuke's jaw, snapping Sasuke's head back.  If Kakashi's past self, a new teacher with fresh-faced genin, could have seen himself now, he would have been horrified at the scene.  In the present, Kakashi could not care less and punched Sasuke again, vision so saturated with red he missed and caught Sasuke's ear instead.  They fell to the ground, struggling.

 

"If you really wanted our team back, maybe --" Kakashi made contact again, splitting his own knuckle on Sasuke's tooth.  "--  maybe you shouldn't have killed Naruto."

 

Sasuke was flailing underneath Kakashi, his training forgotten, dragging his fingers down Kakashi's face, pushing against Kakashi's chest with all the strength of a newborn kitten.

 

“I did!” Finally, Sasuke ceased his futile struggle as true sobs racked his tall frame. “Is that what you want to hear so badly?! I killed him!”

 

Snot was running down Sasuke's face as he cried like the frightened, wounded child he'd once been.  In this moment, it was almost impossible to believe that this man was the most powerful ninja left in the world.

 

"I killed Naruto!” Sasuke screamed in agony, loud enough to carry.

 

The words shivered in the air like Kakashi's fist, hovering stationary above them both, poised to lash out.  Just before Kakashi registered their true meaning, he felt the tears streaming down his own face.

 

Kakashi punched again, a flurry of fists as he pummeled up and down Sasuke's body.  Sasuke's nose exploded in a fountain of blood that mingled with the blood from Kakashi's torn knuckles.

 

"You piece of shit!  You fucking sack of shit!"  Kakashi said it like a mantra as he kept hitting, on and on, with no resistance from Sasuke.

 

"Kakashi, no!"

 

Sakura's voice cut the rage like nothing else could, staying Kakashi's hand as he looked up in confusion.  Sakura was lumbering towards them, Sai rushing to make sure she didn't trip, Juugo tearing ahead to push Kakashi off of Sasuke.

 

Juugo dragged Sasuke to his feet like a rag doll, none of his customary gentleness in play as he rattled Sasuke by the shoulders to rouse him, just as rough as he'd been since the death of Makoto.

 

"What are you doing here?" Kakashi said stupidly, staring at Sakura as if to confirm she was really there.

 

"I started having false contractions so we had to turn back," she snapped.  "Probably stress.  No wonder."

 

A glare on her face, she walked right past Kakashi as he lay on the ground to attend to Sasuke.  "Sasuke-kun, are you all right?  I'm sorry I went without you.  This wouldn't have happened."

 

Sasuke didn't answer, just wiped his face with his arm and looked at her in terror.  With one last sob, he turned and fled.  Juugo took off after him.

 

"Sasuke, wait!"  More slowly, Sakura followed without a glance behind.

 

"Sakura..."  Kakashi's call for her was strangled, and he was surprised but glad when she heard him, turning back to face him. "Sakura, I need you."  

 

Kakashi lay there on his back while he waited for her reply, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation of sand in his hair and in the open wounds on his hands.

 

With a sigh, Sakura crossed to him and helped him up, quickly healing his minor scrapes.

 

"I'm sorry," she said into his knuckles, unable to meet his eyes, "but right now, he needs me more."

 

Without another word, she turned and walked towards the direction Sasuke had gone, holding her side again as if it pained her.

 

Kakashi stood there watching her until she disappeared from view.  She had chosen Sasuke after all.

 

Sai cleared his throat awkwardly.  "May I help you?"

 

Kakashi couldn't even look at Sai, caught in the middle as he always was, searching for a way to be relevant.  "You can't."

 

Kakashi brushed himself off and walked back to his empty house alone.

 

...

 

Kakashi lay in his bed, spread-eagled because there was no pregnant woman to take up all the space.  He wished there was, though.  He wished it with such intensity that it watered in his mouth and burned his throat on the way down.

 

All his life, he had found a way to solve problems, even when everyone told him it was impossible.  But the eye socket that still ached with phantom loss told Kakashi the truth.  Not everything was fixable.

 

When the door opened with a timid, slow creak, Kakashi shot up in bed, hands fisted in the covers.

 

Sakura stood in their bedroom doorway, looking at him with unsure eyes, forehead wrinkled in anxiety.

 

"I forgive him," she said.  "I knew all along, and I forgave him anyway."

 

Kakashi said nothing, staring back at her impassively.  They knew this already.

 

She took a tentative step forward, cradling her heavy belly.  "Even if you can't ever forgive him, do you still want to marry me?"

 

Kakashi smiled to ease the misery twisting her features.  "I'll always want to marry you, Sakura-chan."

 

Relaxing somewhat, she crawled into bed.  He made as much room for her as possible, nearly scooting off the edge of the mattress.  With her limited mobility, she couldn't quite tuck herself into Kakashi as she was trying to, but it was enough.

 

"I need you too, Kakashi," she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

 

As one escaped, Kakashi wiped it away with his thumb.  "I know that, Sakura-chan."

 

He held her close as the night wore down.  At the end of the day, Sakura might feel obligated to take care of Sasuke, but it was Kakashi she would come home to.  He was wrong to ever doubt it.  Some things would always be fixable.

 

Sakura drooled on his chest a little bit and as if for old time's sake, let loose a tremendous snore, and Kakashi knew that  this was one of them.


	26. Tumbleweed

Sasuke dropped down to sit, slamming his back against the cupboards as he did so. A handle or two dug into his back, but Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to feel them. Clamping a hand over his mouth, he shut his eyes as tightly as he could. Suigetsu meant well, but Sasuke was glad to have sent him away; Sasuke didn't want anyone to see him like this.  For all his efforts, his chest’s heaving didn’t slow or lessen. Instead, the tremors grew in his body until he choked out the breath he’d held in too long. Tears leaked from the corner of his eyes and Sasuke wished he could obliterate them the same way he’d done so many enemies. How pathetic.

 

Why had he told Kakashi? It had been an impulse; rage, fear -- too much to express -- had pushed him to. Sakura was  never meant to hear those words.

 

I killed Naruto.

 

Sasuke repressed a howl of pain as his chest tightened, his heart hammering so hard against his chest it hurt. No, Sakura couldn’t know.

 

But it was hopeless. The shock on her face even as she yelled for Kakashi to stop hitting told Sasuke that she had heard him crystal clear. Even if she hadn’t, Kakashi would confirm. If it came from Kakashi’s mouth, Sakura could doubt, but not from his own.

 

The door clicked open and Sasuke hurried to wipe away at his face, furious when he couldn’t find enough time to erase it all.

 

“Sasuke-kun…”

 

Sasuke pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, ignoring the pain that shot in his left eye. Sakura’s soft steps came closer and closer, until she kneeled by him and pulled his hands away from his face.

 

“Sasuke-kun.”

 

Sasuke couldn’t look at her. There was no telling what he would find. Right then, he wanted to pull her into his arms, to hold her so tight she could never go. Only, Sakura couldn’t be trapped. He could never take Sakura’s freedom; she was too strong.

 

“Look at me.”

 

Obedient, Sasuke raised his head until his eyes met hers. More than ever, he wanted to run away, to forget everything he had ever done. The emptiness in Sakura’s eyes terrified him beyond words. Not even after he had tried to steal her life had she looked at him that way; there was nothing left. 

 

“Say it again.”

 

Immediately, Sasuke tried to look away, to flee, but Sakura’s hands cupped his cheeks and kept him still.

 

“Please.”

 

“I killed Naruto.”

 

He could see it in her. How he broke yet another piece of her. There was no subtlety, no indications, and that was exactly how Sasuke knew. Under her solid exterior, Sakura was crumbling. 

 

When Sakura leaned against him and wrapped her arms around him, Sasuke went stiff, eyes wide open. Her cheek pressed against his shoulder, he could feel the sobs Sakura repressed. Deaf to his surroundings, Sasuke let his head fall back until it hit the wall, any scrap of energy he had left now gone.

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura called as she pulled away. “Sasuke-kun.”

 

Sasuke didn’t want to hear it. He watched her as she tried to speak, tripping over every thought as they came and went. What was there left to salvage?

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke said, lifting one hand to grip her shoulder. “I can’t lose you.”

 

He could feel her tense under his fingers, feel her hesitation. That wasn’t what he had meant to say. There was nothing he had meant to say, in fact. Yet, he was still talking.

 

“Sakura, I love you,” Sasuke continued. “You can’t go. You’re the only real part of me.”

 

Because without her, he truly was gone. Only Sakura had known how to conserve what he had once been, the only one able to protect the memory of what their life had once been. In her heart, she forgave him for everything until now. She still saw what was left of him. Kakashi had long since rid himself of everything that was left of Sasuke. There was no one else.

 

Fresh tears running down his cheeks, Sasuke cupped Sakura’s head in his hands, looking straight into her dull green eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Sakura’s lips moved to speak again and Sasuke watched their vain efforts. For a moment, he wished for one kiss, a taste of everything he’d never have because he’d long since burnt it to the ground. 

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura finally said, her voice steady. “I love you too.”

 

Some light returned to Sakura’s eyes and they weren’t so dull anymore, though the spark in them lit fear deep into Sasuke’s belly. All of a sudden, Sakura wasn’t so broken anymore and she had called all the shots before he realized what was happening.

 

“Don’t go in that dark place,” Sakura whispered softly, running her fingers through his hair. “Stay with me.”

 

“Sakura…”

 

“Are you with us, Sasuke-kun?” she continued, keeping him under lock under her stern gaze. “Is that where you really want to be?”

 

“Of course,” Sasuke breathed out, feeling as if he was swimming in liquid darkness itself, any shred of control into Sakura’s hands. “You’ve always known it.”

 

A half-sob, half laugh escaped Sakura’s throat and Sasuke didn’t dare to move an inch still.

 

“I needed to hear you say it,” she said, caressing his hair with her thumbs. “I needed to hear it from you.”

 

Sasuke had run out of breath, out of any coherent thought.

 

“It’s going to be okay,” Sakura said, a smile on her lips he knew to be forced. “Stay with us, Sasuke-kun. Don’t ever go again.”

 

Sakura’s voice was comforting, soft with the promise of affection and reconciliation, but it didn’t soothe Sasuke’s turmoil. Shackled or free, where would his mind wander?

 

...

 

When a knock sounded from the front door, Sasuke started awake. Frowning, he pressed one of his palms to his forehead, trying to ease the pounding in his head. A quick glance outside the window of his bedroom showed him it was well past his usual waking hour and he groaned in annoyance. If he was going to sleep so late, couldn’t he at least feel rested?

 

The knock came again and Sasuke rolled out of bed, not bothering to fix his messy clothes or even rub the puffiness out of his eyes. “Who is it?”

 

“It’s me,” Himawari answered.

 

Sasuke’s cheeks puffed as he expelled a loud sigh and ran a hand through his tangled hair. He needed a shower. Badly. Since that option wasn’t available, Sasuke simply opened the door for Himawari. “What is it?”

 

“You’re usually up so early, I was wondering if everything was okay,” Himawari said quietly, inspecting his disheveled appearance. “Can I come in?”

 

Sasuke stepped sideways, gesturing for her to come in. He closed the door behind her before heading for the kitchen. Thankfully, boiling water was easy. Tea would make everything better. “I just slept in. Why would you worry for that?”

 

Himawari sat quietly at the table, tangling her fingers together as she watched him. “Katashi said he heard you and Kakashi fight yesterday.”

 

Sasuke cursed the child under his breath. The last thing he needed was a brat to babble to everyone. “It was nothing.”

 

“Sasuke-kun.” At the soft plea in her voice, Sasuke turned to see Himawari’s eyes on him. “Are you okay?”

 

Swallowing his temper, Sasuke reached for two cups in the cupboards. “I’m fine.”

 

“You don’t look fine.”

 

Sasuke slammed the cups down before he turned his glare on Himawari. “Telling me I don’t look fine doesn’t change a damn thing.  I’m fine , I said.”

 

Himawari stared down at her hands, frowning.

 

In bitter silence, Sasuke poured the hot water in the mugs before throwing in the bags of tea. Before he could turn around to hand Himawari her cup, she was at his side, taking it from his hands.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Sasuke nodded.

 

“Don’t be so angry, please,” Himawari whispered, rubbing her palm up his sleeve. “I’m not here to rub your face in it or anything. I just wanted to see if you were alright. If you needed help.”

 

Sasuke chuckled, wolfish smirk in place. “That’s not the kind of help I want.”

 

Himawari blinked and cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

 

Sasuke stepped in front of her and took the cup from her hand to place it on the counter behind her. With both of his palms on the counter at her sides, he trapped Himawari there. “You can’t be that oblivious.”

 

Blood rushed to her cheeks, coloring them an enticing red. “I’m not.”

 

“Then why are you still here?” Sasuke leaned closer, slipping a hand under her shirt to rest it on her hip.

 

Sasuke could see her chest rise and fall faster, feel her quickening breaths on his chin. Himawari’s lips moved as if to speak, but no sound came out.

 

“Talk.”

 

Trembling slightly, Himawari’s hands reached up to touch his chest. “Because I don’t want to leave.”

 

“I won’t be gentle.” Immediately, Sasuke hooked his arms under her thighs and hauled her up to sit on the counter. Settling between her legs, he undid her belt, roughly tugging it away from her body. “I won’t be nice.”

 

Himawari gasped, hands jerking as if to retrieve her belt, but they settled on his biceps instead.

 

“You hear me?” Sasuke rasped, grabbing her chin so she would look straight at him. “I won’t stop if you ask me to. You’d better leave now if this isn’t okay with you.”

 

Himawari nodded quickly, remaining still where she sat.

 

Wasting no more of his breath, Sasuke pulled her shirt over her head, all too glad to see no bra under it. Himawari’s breasts weren’t large like Hinata’s, but he didn’t care. They were round and perky, qualities Sasuke appreciated much more than size. With the same impatience, he removed her pants -- taking with them her panties -- so she would finally be naked.

 

“On your knees,” Sasuke rasped, stepping back just enough to give her the space needed to obey.

 

Himawari did as asked, looking up at him for directions.

 

“Don’t play coy,” Sasuke chuckled, combing his fingers through her soft hair. “You know what I want you to do.”

 

Swallowing, Himawari reached for the buttons of his pants, undoing them with some hesitance. Thankfully, it wasn’t all that long before she reached inside his pants to pull out his erection. Again, she glanced up at him through clouded eyes for confirmation.

 

“Suck it,” Sasuke growled. “Now.”

 

When the warmth of her mouth surrounded him, Sasuke inhaled sharply. He could never have enough of this. Even with Emi, he preferred to have her on knees, sucking him off while he watched, rather than fucking her.

 

Just as the pleasure began building, Sasuke pulled Himawari’s hair back, tipping her head back. “Lick it. I want to see you.”

 

Himawari whimpered, though Sasuke couldn’t tell if it was from the pain of having her hair pulled or from embarrassment. Her flushed cheeks and hazy eyes made Sasuke doubt it was either -- it reminded him far too much of how Hinata looked when she begged him to fuck her.

 

As he watched Himawari’s tongue slide from the bottom to the tip of his cock, Sasuke shuddered. Licking his teeth, Sasuke reached down to fondle one of her breasts. Himawari moaned at his touch and wrapped her lips around his erection again, sucking harder than before. Sasuke grunted and tightened his hold on her hair.

 

“You wanted this,” Sasuke breathed out, finally putting two and two together. “You wanted me to fuck you from the moment we were alone together in the forest.”

 

Clearer than before, Sasuke could see the memory replay in his mind; her quick breaths, the goosebumps, the flushed cheeks and the hot skin. Himawari was turned on, not just scared.

 

Himawari failed to answer, simply renewing her efforts to send pleasure through every one of his nerves.

 

“Answer me,” Sasuke growled as he pulled her head away from him.

 

“Y-yes,” she blurted out, one hand reaching to grab his wrist as she flinched in pain.

 

“Clearly,” Sasuke said as he rubbed the tip of his cock to her lips, loving the way her mouth immediately reached for him again. Voice huskier as she suckled on just his head, he continued, “Say it. Clearly.”

 

“I wanted you!” Himawari cried out when he pulled on her hair again, her tone far from pained. “I wanted you to fuck me right there and then!”

 

Swallowing hard, he distanced himself just enough from Himawari so her lips couldn’t tease him anymore. Instead, he took himself in his hand, pumping to keep the electricity coursing through his veins. Himawari’s eyes were glued to his moving hand, mouth agape and obvious hunger in her eyes.

 

“So that’s what’s up with you,” Sasuke chuckled as he tugged on her hair until she stood. “You like danger. It turns you on, doesn’t it?”

 

Himawari nodded quickly, closing her eyes in embarrassment.

 

“What else?”

 

So much for not messing with this girl. She was practically begging for it.

 

“When you tell me what to do,” Himawari choked out, gripping his arm when he pulled on her hair again. “Pain, I think.”

 

“You think?” Sasuke chuckled. He let go of his erection to squeeze one of her breasts until she whimpered. “Does it make you hornier, or does it not?”

 

“It does!”

 

“Why didn’t you answer the first time?”

 

Himawari pulled him closer, raising one of her legs to feel his cock against her nether lips. “Because I wasn’t sure. I’ve never tried it this way before!”

 

“Get down on all fours,” Sasuke whispered in her ear. Himawari was quick to obey, squirming slightly in anticipation as her ass hung high the air. Carefully, Sasuke kneeled behind her, pressing his erection to her core, glad to find plenty of moisture there. “Tell me what you want now.”

 

“You!”

 

“Me?” Sasuke said, tone mocking. “You’ll have to be more precise.”

 

“I want your cock!” Himawari’s voice strained to keep the volume down. “I want you to fuck me already!”

 

“Go ahead then,” Sasuke said as he aligned his shaft with her entrance. “Show me how bad you want it.”

 

Himawari didn’t need to be told twice, thankfully. Her hind side backed into his hips until he fully sank into her, leaving him breathless as the pleasure overwhelmed him. Distantly, he heard Himawari cry out in similar satisfaction, but he was more focused on watching her, the way her body moved back forth to take him in repeatedly. With every thrust of her hips, she moaned louder, trembled more.

 

Then, Sasuke had had enough. He gripped the flesh of her hips, stilling their movements so he could take over. His thrusts were much harder, faster, and Himawari seemed all the more happy for the shift.

 

“Suck me again,” Sasuke rasped as he distanced himself from Himawari, struggling to keep his climax at bay. “Hurry up.”

 

Himawari scrambled to her knees to comply to his demand. Sasuke groaned loudly, fisting his hands in her hair as he felt every muscle in his body tense, more than ready for release.

 

“Just your hand,” he said when he knew he couldn’t take anymore. “Keep your mouth open.”

 

Thankfully, Himawari was very good at obeying. Barely a few seconds later, Sasuke watched as he came on her tongue, her cheeks, her hair. He grunted, bucking his hips into her hand until he was satiated.

 

As he started coming down from his high, Sasuke relented his hold on her hair. “Clean it.”

 

Eyes still shrouded in the same lustful haze, Himawari scanned the kitchen for a cloth.

 

“With your mouth,” Sasuke specified, breathless and legs threatening to give out under him.

 

As her tongue lapped at him, Sasuke sighed in satisfaction. Truth be told, he didn’t feel much now that he’d already come and was starting to soften, but Himawari sucking away at the remnants of his cum on his cock remained a more than pleasing sight.

 

“Good,” Sasuke let out when Himawari started taking her task a little too seriously, trying to coax him into another erection. “Go clean up now.”

 

Himawari obeyed again, though not without a hint of hesitance. When she was out of the room, Sasuke leaned back against the cupboards of the counter, wiping at his forehead with his arm. So much for trying to suppress that side of him for the sake of women, when Himawari begged for nothing more than that.

 

When Himawari returned, she was fully dressed, and so was Sasuke. Though his cabin was kept warm by the fire he kept fed in the fireplace, there was still a chill left to prickle the naked skin. Of course, under the heavy wool blankets of his bed, Sasuke would be toasty and wish for nothing more than a leisurely day of lounging around, but he had since long abandoned such luxuries.

 

“I’ll go get breakfast,” Sasuke said, turning sideways towards the door. When Himawari didn’t quite catch his drift, Sasuke added, “Don’t you have anything to do?”

 

“Oh, ah,” Himawari stumbled on her words, blushing to the tips of her ears very much like Sakura. As awkward as she sounded, Himawari stepped closer to the door and let Sasuke open it for her.  “Yeah. Juugo caught another deer this morning. I have to butcher it.”

 

“I’ll see you later, then,” Sasuke said, waiting for her to walk outside before he did. 

 

Now alone, Sasuke’s legs carried him mindlessly through the narrow paths that separated their cabins. A few civilians he didn’t recognize by name were strolling around as well, perhaps carrying out one task or another -- or, perhaps, without direction, as Sasuke was. His stomach twisted uncomfortably with the pangs of hunger, but Sasuke felt little desire for food, so he avoided the communal area where meals were generally served. 

 

Instead, he found himself watching the ground beneath his feet and the planks of the dock that came and went one by one. At the end of it, at the mercy of the sea’s great winds and the snow falling from the sky, Sasuke stared into the horizon. There was no apparent end to the water. An infinity of water, to drown in, to explore, to fish in. A world of its own Sasuke was certain he would never explore with his own eyes. With nothing but the white of the clouds and the blue of the water, Sasuke could almost convince himself that the blurred colors were not the fault of his own eyes. But Sasuke was no fool, so he spun on his heels to take in the sight of their makeshift home. 

 

A distance away, down on the beach, Sasuke could see the pink of Sakura’s hair and he guessed she must be playing with Hitomi, because he didn’t know who else could be so small and not have the black hair of Katashi. Closer to the cabins, Juugo’s orange hair was hard to mistake for anyone else’s. As usual, the black heads of Katashi and Rika stuck close to him. Even from so far away and without being able to make out the details of their faces, Sasuke felt the glum aura that followed the couple everywhere since Makoto’s death.  Juugo had been scarce, trying to hide what they all knew anyway -- he could no longer leave Katashi alone with Rika.

 

Closing his eyes, Sasuke turned back to the emptiness of the sea. “Brother…”

 

The look in Katashi's eyes, Sasuke had never seen for himself before, yet he recognized the horror within them perfectly. Had he looked so pathetic, too, as a small child? So pitiful and weak. Helpless.

 

But very much alive, left to deal with what the dead took with them. 

 

Sasuke opened his eyes, squinting against the harsh light of the sun that finally poked through the clouds. Never again would he be so pathetic, Sasuke swore to the open sea. No illness would be strong enough to keep him tied to a bed when the reaper came to swipe his people again. 

 

“I promise.”

 

“Should I go elsewhere?”

 

Sasuke looked behind him over his shoulder to find Sai standing behind him, a bucket filled to the brim with squids. Scrunching his nose at the funny odor that came with Sai, Sasuke shrugged. “What are you doing with those?”

 

“Sakura said I can’t gut them elsewhere anymore, because of the mess,” Sai said, his pale and stoic face as unsettling as ever.

 

“Yes, but why would you gut them?” Sasuke said, feeling no guilt for the annoyance he showed. Sai was most likely too clueless to even understand a smidge of Sasuke’s thoughts. “We have fish to eat already.”

 

Sai paused, his blank eyes set on Sasuke’s face. Sasuke frowned, about to mouth him off, but Sai spoke first. “You dislike me.”

 

“Perceptive, much?” Sasuke chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. The wind blew stronger around them, ruffling their hair. 

 

“The feeling is mutual,” Sai said, bending to place the bucket of squids at his feet. Without a trace of tension, he stood again and shielded his face from the assault of his hair. “I would rather you were not with us.”

 

To his own dismay, Sasuke found he couldn’t answer Sai, his jaw suddenly too tight to move.  Unwanted , his mind mind nagged him. Sai spoke the words no one else had yet -- not to his face, at the very least.

 

Without another word, Sai sat down on the edge of the dock, pulling a sharp knife from its sheath to slice one squid open. Carefully, he retrieved a large glass bottle from the bottom of the bucket and placed it under the squid. A few more slices later, ink spilled from it and into the bottle. Sasuke hardly knew what use ink would be, but he watched in silence for a moment.

 

“Why?” Sasuke finally said, frozen in place by the cold winds and the snow they blew onto him.

 

“You are a threat to my friends,” Sai responded, with the same simplicity that, in the end, allowed him to never hide his true feelings, however little he understood them. As he spoke, Sasuke didn’t miss the hole in between two of his teeth -- right where Sasuke had knocked out his tooth. “I… I do not want you to take my place again.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Sasuke frowned, bending down to sit on the other side of the bucket. “What place?”

 

“I was put on Team Seven to replace you.” Sai’s hands paused, the knife buried into a squid. He stared down at it, and, briefly, Sasuke saw resentment flash across his eyes. “You are back. If you are back, then I am not a part of the team anymore.”

 

Sasuke tried to stop it, he really did, but the smirk took over his lips with a life of its own, as did the deep laughter that rumbled from his belly. Sai only resumed his gutting of the squid, though Sasuke could guess he was humiliated.

 

“If you think that’s why they keep you around,” Sasuke said as he hauled himself up, “I can only wish you luck.”

 

Sai didn’t answer, as expected, so Sasuke walked back towards the cluster of cabins and towards the one he knew the women would be serving lunch from. Food remained of little appeal, but he would need the energy if he wanted to work at all today. Two weeks after his recovery, Sasuke still felt the weakness of his body and he could not be rid of it soon enough. 

 

The moment he stepped foot through the entrance, though, Sasuke regretted his decision. Far worse than an empty stomach, Kakashi was inside, immediately aware of Sasuke’s presence although he ignored it. Sasuke swallowed against his dry throat and took another step mechanically. Kakashi already had two bowls of food in his hands and walked in his direction, most likely bringing Sakura her lunch. Sasuke stared down at the floor once again, hating himself for lacking the courage to look Kakashi in the eye. 

 

As if Sasuke didn’t exist only a foot from him, Kakashi walked by without so much as a word or glance. 

 

…

 

Sasuke had spent longer than he’d intended, he realized, as he finally stepped out of his cabin and saw the position of the sun in the sky. With food in his hands, he’d made a beeline for his shack, wishing for nothing more than privacy as he ate. And as he ate, nestled on his couch with his wool blanket, Sasuke had watched the door. Once there was no more food left in his bowl, he watched it for a while still. But there was no knock, no call -- only silence, so Sasuke stood and left.

 

In his search for work to busy his itching hands, he was led to the dock once more by Harumi’s irate voice.

 

“Why don’t you get off your ass and come with us already?”

 

Sasuke pulled his collar higher, covering his mouth and the small clouds of condensation he breathed out. Suigetsu sat by the dock, one leg dangling above the shore. Harumi stood at his side, hands on her sides and her hair the mess it tended to become when she argued with Suigetsu. 

 

“I told you already,” Suigetsu snapped, chewing on a piece of straw. “Get another schmuck to do that. I ain’t got nothing to do with laundry.”

 

Behind Harumi, the other women frowned in annoyance. The fiercest, Harumi grabbed Suigetsu’s collar and tugged him into a straighter position. Beyond annoyed, Harumi glared at him like only women could. “ Who  said he was only a  guard when I asked him to chop wood? Now come and fucking do your job, Mister I’m-only-a-guard!”

 

“Suigetsu.”

 

Instantly, Suigetsu sat up straight, swatting away Harumi’s hands. Himawari and Rika turned to face him, their expressions such a stark contrast from one another it made Sasuke smirk. Himawari always shrank a little under his gaze, her cheeks flushing as if she had been caught red-handed, while Rika stood straighter, though not in obedience. Rika would only glare his general way in refusal to acknowledge him -- or she used to.  Now, Rika only stared, dull-eyed.

 

“Get up,” Sasuke said. “There’s laundry to do.”

 

Suigetsu scoffed, but he was up in an instant regardless, adjusting his sword on his back. Though no enthusiasm for the job overtook him, Sasuke decided this would be his task for the day. Unwanted or not, he would keep an eye on them for a while.

 

The women heaved a collective sigh of relief. Not unlike Suigetsu, they would rather have their peace while they worked, but they were too afraid to go alone. Their fear was justified, after the Kizanu attack. Silent, Sasuke watched as they walked towards the nearest river -- the salt water didn’t work well with clothing. Although a little over a month had passed since the Kizanu prisoners had joined them, Sasuke hardly knew most of their names. They kept to themselves whenever possible, the Lightning half preferring to speak in their dialect. Out of them, Sasuke only really recognised Mitsuko, the Water Country woman who had led them to this village.

 

Sasuke settled between Mitsuko and Himawari, falling into pace with them. Mitsuko struggled to keep her place, the large sack of clothes she carried weighing her down. Seamlessly, Sasuke reached for it and took it from her grasp, nodding to her when she stared back at him. Briefly, she smiled, thankful for the reduced stress on her already too frail body. 

 

“You’re coming with us?” Himawari said from his side, leaning forward to watch Sasuke’s face. “I didn’t think you were the kind of guy to enjoy watching women do laundry.”

 

Himawari’s smile was small, but playful. Her eagerness lately amused Sasuke, all too aware of  why she was suddenly that way around him. “What did you think I enjoyed, then?”

 

Suddenly a little redder, Himawari pursed her lips and nudged his shoulder with her own. “All kinds of things.”

 

Sasuke chuckled and they kept on walking in silence for the most part. The women were more docile in his presence, it seemed, so unlike their usual talkative and gossiping group.

 

Once they were working, though, Sasuke and Suigetsu became invisible, almost. Perched as they were in nearby trees, they were mostly out of sight, but certainly not out of earshot. To the women, that was good enough. Sasuke could hardly contain his laughter when they complained of the dirty ninja and men. 

 

“If there’s one thing that never changes,” a Lightning woman quipped, “it’s men. They’re still pigs.”

 

“Look at this,” a younger one said, Eboshi, if Sasuke recalled well. “ That doesn’t change either.”

 

Whatever it was they saw, Sasuke didn’t care to look. Women didn’t change either. However much they complained of being relegated to cleaning duty, they wouldn’t give it up. Dirty laundry sported all the evidence of their little  secrets as well. 

 

They burst out laughing below Sasuke, hinting well enough at what kind of stain they had found. 

 

“Ah, that’s --” Himawari said quickly, embarrassed. “He’s probably watching us,” she continued, her voice lower in futile hope that he wasn’t listening well enough. “Hide that.”

 

“You sure know his clothes well,” Eboshi teased. “I wonder why.”

 

Before Himawari could give a clumsy answer, Sasuke dropped from his branch, landing not too far behind the two girls. Quickly, they turned to the water, feigning innocence. Rolling his sleeves up, Sasuke kneeled next to Himawari, grabbing his underwear from Eboshi's hands.

 

“Don’t look so embarrassed,” Sasuke chuckled. “You were much cockier just a second ago.”

 

The group fell silent again, though this time, amusement still hung in the air, a few women still smirking between themselves. It didn’t take long for the Lightning woman to speak up again, hands on her large hips and a grin on her lips.

 

“Joining the old women, are you, young man?” she said, mocking as she watched Sasuke scrub like the rest of them. “You ever done laundry?”

 

“I’m sure you could show me a trick or two,” Sasuke replied casually, throwing her a glance. “Couldn’t you?”

 

When the woman laughed in response, her neighbor smacked her shoulder. “Hana, you shouldn’t…”

 

“Shouldn’t what?” Hana replied, flattening a few wild blonde strands of her hair against her head. “He’s still a boy -- a pup.”

 

Even Himawari was throwing him an uncertain glance, anticipating his reaction. 

 

“Young men,” Hana scoffed, her Lightning accent thick. “They need to be trained, like pups!”

 

Sasuke laughed. Between Jobu and Hana, Sasuke was starting to take a liking to Lightning’s ways. “Try your hand at it, then, Hana.”

 

“I’m too old for this, son,” Hana huffed, waving a wet bra at him. “I’ve trained my men already. That young thing, though -- you, with the long hair -- don’t look like a bad choice, don’t she, huh?”

 

“Hana-san!” Himawari squeaked, frowning more in embarrassment than annoyance.

 

“You can’t ask a mouse to tame a snake,” Sasuke chuckled, smirking at Himawari. “Can you?”

 

“Bah!” Hana shook her head, returning to her laundry. “Big words for little boy.”

 

Just as it had started, the conversation died down. Before long, the women restarted running their gossip mill, acting as if Sasuke wasn’t all ears among them. 

 

…

 

Plate in his hand, Sasuke sat a small distance from Jobu. The sound of the waves hitting the shore came and went, leaving only a faint swish in Sasuke’s ears. Though the moon was high in the sky already, darkness was kept at bay by the few large fires lit around the beach in a clumsy circle. The day had been long and a good part of the group had remained awake a little longer, enjoying the warmth of the fire and the bright stars in the sky a little longer. Sitting in the sand didn’t seem to bother them, but Sasuke disliked it. 

 

“Boy,” Jobu said, swallowing a mouthful. “Pups must be in bed when the moon is high, no?”

 

Customary smirk plastered on his face, Sasuke turned to Jobu, a small piece of cooked fish between his fingers. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

 

Jobu hummed, watching in the distance where the biggest group sat. “You are not sitting with your friends. The boy says you fight.”

 

Sasuke forced his piece of seaweed down his throat. He’d never been a fan of it. “Mind your own business.”

 

“The girl hides your bruises with her magic,” Jobu added, pointing at Sakura. At her side, Kakashi was dangling a long strip of seaweed, laughing at her green, grimacing face. “But I am not blind.”

 

Sakura turned to them briefly, having felt their eyes on her, and flashed them a small smile. Kakashi followed her line of sight, though he spared no acknowledgement. 

 

“Get to the point,” Sasuke said, taking a sip of his tea before shoving the mug in the sand. “I’ve no patience lately.”

 

“There is no point,” Jobu said, chewing his food. “I watch you. You are like dogs. You bark. You bare your fangs. You don’t bite. It is amusing.”

 

Sasuke scoffed, shoving the last of his fish in his mouth. It tasted bland, somewhat, but it was better than the seaweed. Close to where Sakura sat, the women started singing. Before long, a few men joined in. Sakura rocked from one side to the other, watching the children as they ran and danced out of tempo to the song. 

 

“You wish to be there,” Jobu chuckled, shaking his head. “It is more amusing.”

 

Turning to Jobu, Sasuke frowned, eyes narrowed. “Here I thought you’d leave me alone.”

 

Jobu laughed, louder than before. “You lie, boy. You sit with me because he takes the place you want. You are afraid.”

 

“Afraid of Kakashi?” Sasuke said, incredulous, as he raised an eyebrow high. “Don’t make me laugh.”

 

“Not him. You are afraid of the girl,” Jobu said, pointing to Sakura’s back. “She has leashes on you. But you tie yourself down tighter. You are scared. Like a pup.”

 

Having had enough of Jobu’s broken English, Sasuke stood, taking his plate and mug with him. His feet sank in the sand and left clear tracks all the way to the circle Sakura in. Without a greeting, Sasuke sat by Himawari, not quite across from Sakura and Kakashi.

 

…

 

Protected from the harsh weather inside his cabin as he listened to the heavy drops of rain splatter against the wood, Sasuke silently thanked the sky for granting a day of relief. From sunrise -- not that they’d been able to see any of it through the dark clouds -- a thunderstorm had ripped through the sky and not relented, which warranted a day indoors away from all. In the comfortable light of his fireplace, Sasuke stuck a book to his nose and had yet to budge.

 

Not even the knock that sounded from his door would motivate him to lift a finger.

 

“Come in,” Sasuke said instead, not bothering to look up from his book.

 

Himawari came in and closed the door quietly, walking to Sasuke’s side with a small smile on her lips as she folded her umbrella. It must have been a lucky find in her own cabin. “Don’t squint like that, you’ll hurt your eyes.”

 

Sasuke forced his eyes to relax as he put the book down. The blurred edges and muted colors had hindered his sight for months, yet he still couldn’t get used to it. Unconsciously, Sasuke still blinked, trying to adjust his vision.

 

“What did you come for?” Sasuke said as he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index. 

 

“I thought you could use some company,” Himawari replied, worrying her lip ever so subtly. “Am I bothering you?”

 

Sasuke chuckled, sinking a little deeper in the couch’s cushions. “You’re not.”

 

Himawari hesitated, biting her lower lip for a moment longer before she sat in Sasuke’s lap, knees at his sides. “Are you sure?”

 

“Depends,” Sasuke said, grabbing her hips to pull her closer. “What are you trying to do?”

 

Cheeks flushed, Himawari leaned forward, pressing her chest to his. Her lips didn’t press against his yet, remaining a hair’s breath away. “I don’t know.”

 

Sasuke didn’t hesitate. He tipped his chin down and caught her lips between his for one short kiss, grabbing a fistful of her hair to tug on. “Is this what you’re after?”

 

Himawari nodded, eyes fluttering closed as she rolled her hips into his. Sasuke’s hips responded in the same manner, pressing his erection between her thighs. Already a little breathless, Sasuke wrapped his arms around Himawari’s waist, molding her body to his as he kissed her. Their hips didn’t stop moving in time together, keeping their slow pace. 

 

Knowing well that Himawari sought the same experience as their last encounter, Sasuke didn’t hesitate. Although he’d fucked her only a few short days prior, Sasuke’s hands ran along the curves of her body with impatience, eager to repeat their last encounter. Himawari didn’t resist when he pulled her sweater and shirt away from her body and tossed them behind the couch. Again, she didn’t wear a bra. Sasuke smirked, loving the proof she’d come seeking only his bed.

 

“Off with the pants,” Sasuke said, freeing her hips. 

 

Himawari obeyed quickly, resuming her previous position, though not without a bright blush on her cheeks. Sasuke embraced her once more, leaning down to flick her hardened nipple with his tongue. Inhaling sharply, Himawari buried her hands in his hair, barely scratching at his scalp.

 

“Roll your hips,” Sasuke breathed out, turning to suck on her other nipple. “Don’t stop until I tell you.”

 

Sasuke exhaled quickly when she rubbed along the length of his shaft, sending shivers down his spine. Breath coming short, he reclined in his seat, hands settling on Himawari’s hips to guide them in the perfect rhythm.

 

“Touch your breasts.”

 

Himawari raised her hands, but they hesitated. Sasuke looked up to see her worrying her lip again, embarrassment evident in her eyes. 

 

“None of that,” Sasuke rasped, guiding her hands to obey him. “There’s no need to be insecure.”

 

“I’m just not that --”

 

Sasuke trapped her in another kiss before she could finish her sentence, looking straight into her dark eyes as he pressed his erection harder to her. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll tell you what to do.”

 

Because she knew he told the truth, Himawari nodded, her hands following his directions of their own accord now. “Okay.”

 

Sasuke sat back, watching her fondle her breasts as she ground against him. Biting back a moan, Sasuke unzipped his pants to pull his erection out and pulled Himawari closer. She gasped against his ear, tipping forward as he pulled her too roughly. Toying with her earlobe between his teeth, Sasuke pushed her panties aside, grunting when her hot sex pressed to his, her wetness quickly spreading along his shaft. 

 

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Sasuke rasped against her ear, tangling one of his hands in her hair, the other increasing the pace of their hips. 

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Himawari moaned, hips jerking as her control slipped.

 

“Good,” Sasuke sighed, distancing himself from her just enough to align his erection to her entrance. “Show me how.”

 

Himawari bit her lip -- a habit that told him why her lips were always so chapped, now -- and leaned her weight on his shoulders as she lowered her hips, taking him in slower than he’d hoped. He groaned in frustration when she pulled away half way, meeting too much resistance the first time around. When he sank in her again though, she didn’t stop until it was to the hilt. Through hazy eyes, Sasuke watched their joining as Himawari slowly built up a rhythm and increased the pace.

 

“Tell me how it feels,” Sasuke ground out, resisting the urge to thrust back into her when she raised her hips. 

 

“It feels good,” Himawari sighed, attempting to hide her face in the crook of his neck, but he pulled on her hair to keep her still. “I love having you inside of me.”

 

It wasn’t long before Himawari’s hips were crashing into his with every thrust, making Sasuke pant and squeeze his eyes shut as he kept his climax at bay. Clenching his thighs, he pulled on Himawari’s hair again and she flinched, her hands jerking up. Sasuke swallowed, relenting his grip somewhat until tears no longer appeared at the corner of her eyes.

 

“On your knees.”

 

Reluctantly, Himawari obeyed, hands splayed on his thighs as she looked up to him for directions. Out of breath to speak, Sasuke only cupped the back of her head with one hand and pushed down until her mouth was around his shaft. Groaning, Sasuke watched his length slide in and out of her mouth. Himawari’s muffled moans only threatened to break the last of Sasuke’s control more.

 

“Come back here,” Sasuke rasped, motioning for her to climb back on his lap. 

 

When she tried to thrust him back inside of her, Sasuke stopped her, forcing her to keep a small distance from him. Eyes on hers like a hawk’s, Sasuke brought one of his hands between them, pressing his thumb to her clit carefully. Himawari immediately arched into his touch. Smirking, Sasuke rubbed small circles against her clit, testing until he fought the perfect rhythm to make her moan and gasp. Satisfied when she was trembling above him, Sasuke placed rough kisses to her torso and all the way up to her neck, nibbling the skin there. 

 

With every passing second, Himawari’s breathing grew heavier and more ragged. Her small moans, shy and constricted, ripped at the last of his resolve. As he thrusted back into her, Sasuke sank his teeth in her neck, tasting blood, and tugged hard on her hair to force her to expose her neck to his liking. Himawari, though, only yelped.

 

“Too hard?” Sasuke breathed out, frowning and pausing for a moment to watch her face. 

 

Tears in the corners of her eyes again, Himawari nodded. 

 

“Sorry,” Sasuke mumbled. Himawari’s eyes were quickly to cloud over when he resumed his thrusting, though. Groaning, Sasuke placed his lips over the small wound on her neck, licking before he sucked and bit -- softer. “Better?”

 

“Much,” Himawari moaned, hips crashing with his every time they met. 

 

“I want to come inside you,” Sasuke whispered into her ear, loving the goosebumps that rose on her skin. 

 

“W-We can’t -- “

 

Sasuke chuckled and pressed his lips to hers. “Swallow it then.”

 

Himawari sighed, thighs quivering against his. 

 

“Come for me,” Sasuke rasped, a hand snaking between them to play with her clit again. Himawari responded easily again and her nails sharpened their hold on the skin of his back. “I’ve had enough of waiting already. Come, then suck me and swallow my cum.”

 

Himawari’s cries were suddenly strangled and she stiffened above him. Sasuke groaned into her neck, unable to hold himself back now that she tightened and pulsed around his erection. Hastily, he pulled out of her and bucked her hips against her as he came on her chest. Spent, they reclined on the couch and laid there for a while, simply breathing heavy and enjoying the bliss of release.

 

“You were nicer this time,” Himawari chuckled into his neck. 

 

“That’s a good thing, right?” Sasuke breathed out, twisting his neck to look at Himawari’s still red face. 

 

Himawari laughed and slapped his chest, sitting straighter in his lap. “You’re so sweet.”

 

“Sweet?” Sasuke snorted. Sufficiently challenged, he grabbed her forearms together and threw her onto her back on the cushions of the couch. “Are you sure about that?”

 

“Well, maybe not sweet,” she giggled, playfully trying to kick him off. “But alright.”

 

“Not sure that’s an improvement, but whatever,” Sasuke said as he dropped next to her on the couch, exhausted. A nap certainly wouldn’t hurt him right now. “Shut the lamp.”

 

Himawari stretched her arm out to reach the dingey oil lamp, then returned to press into his side, head on his chest. “You want to sleep already? Old man.”

 

“I nearly died just a few weeks ago, cut me some slack,” Sasuke said, clucking his tongue. He frowned, though, when Himawari fell silent. “Let’s just sleep.”

 

“Yeah,” Himawari whispered, breath tickling his skin in short bursts.

 

…

 

When he woke, Sasuke found himself in the dark. The logs in his fireplace had burnt out and would need replacing, it seemed. Heavy with sleep, he dragged his forearm over his eyes and blinked until they somewhat adjusted to the darkness. Sasuke could hardly tell what time it was. In the deep of November -- or was it December already? -- nights fell faster and faster and he could no longer keep track of it so easily. 

 

Sasuke reached to his side, tapping his fingers to the wooden table until he found the oil lamp Himawari had shut off before they fell asleep. The moment when she had left was blurry in his mind, but he didn’t mind. Solitude was welcomed after sleep. With a few seals, he blew life into the lamp once again and stood to restock his fireplace, lighting it ablaze with another set of seals. Then, he moved onto the next problem: the stickiness on his lower abdomen. Lighting his way with the lamp, he moved into the kitchen to where he stored a few buckets of water, retrieving one along with a cloth to take back to the fireplace.

 

With ease, he warmed the water with one more fire jutsu. He slipped out of his clothes and threw them in the pile by the couch. He could tell he would run out of clothes soon, so he would have to bring them to the women. The chill of the air raised goosebumps on his skin and he was quick to shiver when he wiped the wet cloth across his chest. In the back of his mind, Sasuke searched his memory for the last time he had taken a shower. Every now and then, they’d had the luck of finding hot springs to bathe in during their time in the wild, but he still longed for a shower, to have the hot water run down his body and watch the walls slowly be covered by the steam that would form.

 

Now clean, Sasuke dried himself with another cloth and cursed under his breath when he found out he miscalculated his reserves of fresh clothes. Defeated, he fished into his dirty pile for the freshest garments, foregoing the underwear.

 

Just as he slipped into his sweater, someone knocked on his front door. Sasuke smirked to himself. At least, he’d be fresh for whatever company wandered to his lair. When he opened the door and found Sakura -- thankfully dry, as the rain had stopped recently, he realized belatedly -- the thought was lost in his mind.

 

Sakura flashed him a shy smile, tipping her chin down. “You skipped dinner,” she said, raising her hands to show him a plate of food. 

 

“Come in,” Sasuke said, stepping aside to grant her enough space. When she hesitated to, Sasuke’s stomach clenched and he realized her intention had only been to bring him dinner and then go. “You already ate.”

 

“I did.” At last, Sakura stepped inside and he closed the door behind her. “I can keep you company while you eat, though.”

 

“Do you want tea?” Though he asked, Sasuke did not bother to wait for her answer to begin preparing them. 

 

“That would be nice,” Sakura said, following him into the small section of his cabin that served as a kitchen. She placed his plate down on the counter -- or table, whichever use fit it best at the moment -- and leaned against it as she cradled her heavy belly in her arms. “I missed tea. I’m glad they left so much here.”

 

Sasuke only hummed in agreement and boiled water quickly with his fire jutsu. He handed her cup to her, eyes lingering on hers as her fingers wrapped around the cup. Since the other night, Sasuke had done his best to remain at a safe distance from Sakura and Kakashi. Forcing his presence on them would produce no better results than the previous times, he forced himself to admit.

 

“You should go,” Sasuke said as he turned to his plate and picked up the chopsticks Sakura had brought him with it. “He’s waiting for you, isn’t he?”

 

“You make it sound like you don’t want me here,” Sakura giggled, teasing behind a mischievous smile. Once upon a time, he would never have imagined those words would come from her mouth coupled with that face. From his, anytime, but not from her. How the tables had turned. “Say what you want to say, Sasuke-kun.”

 

For a moment, Sasuke no longer tasted or felt the food in his mouth. What did he want to say?

 

Over his shoulder, Sakura’s eyes wandered, peeking outside his window at the beach where a large part of their group had gathered, as often happened in the evening. Some of them had taken to dancing, as Sakura had a while back with Kakashi. It had been strange, to lay in bed sick and watch them be so at peace.

 

“They look like they’re having fun,” Sakura said, rather quiet. “Aren’t they?”

 

Sasuke hummed and swallowed the last of his dinner. Discouraged by his lack of conversation, Sakura relented and let silence take over them for a while. 

 

“You looked happy,” Sasuke finally said.

 

“Huh?” Sakura cocked her head to the side, clear confusion drawn on her light features. “What do you mean?”

 

“When you were dancing with Kakashi.” Sasuke sipped on his tea, enjoying the warmth it spread down his throat and into his stomach after a cold meal. “You looked happy.”

 

“You saw that?” Sakura said, puzzled, her eyebrows bunching together in cute lines of pink that matched the color of her cheeks. 

 

Again, Sasuke only hummed in response. Annoyed, he realized he ought to think of a better answer than a grunt if he wanted her to stay, but he drew a blank. Instead, they were silent again, the air thick between them.

 

Until Sakura pushed herself off the counter and walked to his side, one hand reaching up to grab his sleeve in her fist. “Do you want to dance, Sasuke-kun?”

 

“What?”

 

Sakura’s lips stretched wider and suddenly it wasn’t such a cute smile anymore, more of a raucous and taunting smirk. “I want to dance.”

 

Frowning in confusion, Sasuke turned to face her and she grabbed his hands before he could think of what to do. She placed one on the small of her back, almost making him bend awkwardly in order to keep the other one up near their shoulders. Her belly pressed into his, large as it was, but she didn’t seem to mind. 

 

Sasuke didn’t know how to dance, but Sakura was one step ahead of him. She moved slowly, deliberately, coaxing him into the movements she wanted. 

 

“In the academy,” she said, glancing up at him, “all the girls took up this kind of dancing. A lot of other things, too.”

 

Sasuke grunted, uninterested in the details of grooming a kunoichi. Sakura paid it no mind, recounting more of her training. Though he could see her lips moving, fast as always, Sasuke hardly heard a word coming out of them. He felt her hand in his, soft and warm, and moved with her with ease. He stared at her, into her eyes, seeing what he had sought in them for so long. A sense of belonging, of affection. When those same eyes turned a little harsher and she pouted, he knew he had been ignoring her for too long, but it hardly mattered.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered, leaning his forehead onto the side of her head.

 

But Sakura suddenly broke from him, a long grunt of pain escaping her as she cradled her stomach once more.

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke said quickly, reaching for her when she bent over. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m having contractions again,” Sakura groaned, lowering one hand towards the floor to try and sit down. Sasuke steadied her immediately, keeping a firm grip on her even when she was on the ground. “It hurts like a bitch.”

 

A smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth, for he never really envisioned Sakura using such language, but this was not the time to laugh. Instead, he kneeled by her side. “Do you think they’re fake again?”

 

“It’s hard to tell,” Sakura said, cradling her stomach more with frustration than affection this time. “I've been having them off and on all day...  We just have to wait and see if they keep coming. He shouldn’t be born for another month, but a premature birth isn’t impossible, so I don’t know.”

 

Sasuke nodded. “Do you want me to go get Kakashi?”

 

“No.” Sakura shook her head. “I don’t want to worry him for nothing. We just have to wait a little.”

 

Sasuke nodded again. Then, remembering the wool blanket he’d left on the couch, he stood to retrieve it. Sakura smiled when he sat by her side and wrapped them in it. By now, the fire in the fireplace was going strong, but it hadn’t been quite long enough for it to warm the chill out of the air yet. 

 

“Will he be fine if he is born now?” Sasuke asked, realizing just how little he knew of childbirth.

 

Sakura paused, brows knit it concentration. “I think he’ll be mostly out of the woods. I don’t know for sure. I only learned about pregnancy and labor briefly with Shishou and that’s all so far back now…”

 

Sasuke hummed, then fell silent. Sakura followed suit.

 

“Do you want me to rub you back?” he said after a moment, mimicking Kakashi’s habit of offering this treat in order to ease Sakura’s moods with foolproof results. 

 

“Yeah, that would help.” Sakura glanced up at him through guilty eyes, a grateful smile on her lips. “Thanks.”

 

Sasuke moved behind her until she sat between his spread legs and he pressed his thumbs into her lower back, rolling them into her skin. Much to his relief, Sakura’s back loosened gradually, until another contraction stiffened her spine and tore another pained moan from her throat. At a loss for any better solution, Sasuke continued massaging her back. 

 

By the time the fifth contraction rocked her belly, Sakura was leaning back against him, gritting her teeth and gripping the leg of his pants while her other hand rubbed her belly. 

 

“They’re coming quicker,” Sasuke noted, frowning deeply. They hadn’t been sitting there for long, no more than thirty minutes, he was certain. 

 

Sakura exhaled as the pain passed and loosened her hold on his leg, but she remained silent and stubborn. Sasuke could only worry in silence, lacking any better knowledge to push her to act. 

 

When the next one came, Sasuke was certain it hadn’t been more than a few minutes. 

 

“Sakura -- “

 

“Oh god,” Sakura gasped, backing up against him. “Oh my god.”

 

“What is it?” Heart leaping into his throat, Sasuke leaned forward to see what Sakura was staring at between her legs. Though it wasn’t much, not quite the puddle he’d expected, the bottom of Sakura’s red yukata was a few shades darker where it had been wet from her waters. “We’ve waited long enough.”

 

Sakura nodded quickly, leaning on his arm when he helped her up. When he scooped her into his arms, Sakura didn’t protest, far too busy hugging her belly to herself and keeping her breaths slow and steady. As soon as Sakura was stable in his arms, Sasuke hurried to the cabin she and Kakashi shared. 

 

“Kakashi!” Sasuke called, kicking the door since he couldn’t free a hand to knock on it. “Kakashi!”

 

Immediately, Kakashi opened the door, already on edge. He hadn’t bothered to pull his mask up, and for once, Sasuke could see him without any barriers. His eyes were on Sakura, wide with worry and shining with fear as he spoke to her, then they were on Sasuke, narrowing in anger. 

 

“Why didn’t you bring her to me sooner?” Kakashi said, looking much more like the image of him that had been burned in Sasuke’s mind, born of the battles he had witnessed Kakashi in. “What were you waiting for?”

 

“That’s enough!” Sakura shrieked between, kicking her legs in the air. “Get me inside already! Your stupid fight can wait!”

 

As effective as a command, her words erased any resentment from Kakashi’s eyes and Sasuke snapped back into action. While Kakashi retrieved a blanket for Sakura to lie on, Sasuke readied some hot water and brought it to Sakura.

 

“How long do we have?” Kakashi asked as he knelt by her side, holding her hand as another contraction ripped through Sakura. 

 

“I don’t know!” Sakura screeched, planting her heels on the floor. Panting, she slipped out of her yukata, sweat beading on her forehead already. “Do I look like a midwife to you?”

 

“Of course not, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi placated, smiling his goofy smile for Sakura’s sake. It seemed to work, because Sakura’s angry scowl softened into a less angry frown. 

 

Sasuke wrung the extra water from the cloth he’d wet and laid it on Sakura’s forehead when she let her head fall on the pillow Kakashi had brought her. “Should I get Atsuko?”

 

Sakura shook her head vehemently. “No, they don’t need to see this.”

 

Finally, Sasuke’s heart started pumping at full capacity and he could hardly think straight anymore. Frozen stiff, he glanced to Kakashi at his side, finding him in much the same state. Sakura was afraid her labor would become the gruesome spectacle Suzuka’s had become.

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, suddenly serious. “I don’t know how to help you --”

 

“Nobody here knows!” Sakura snapped, pounding the ball of one foot on the floor. Her voice trembled with fear, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “So it doesn’t matter, does it?!”

 

Sakura was terrified, Sasuke realized, and how could he blame her? 

 

“We’ll get you through this,” Sasuke said, a firmness to his voice that betrayed his distress, “alright, Sakura-chan?”

 

Kakashi’s head snapped towards him, but then he smiled at Sakura, one hand stroking her hair. “Just give it your all, Sakura-chan. You’ll do just fine.”

 

Sakura nodded, quieting down, though tears still fell from her eyes. “Don’t you dare look down,” Sakura said, suddenly threatening as she looked up at Kakashi and grabbed his collar in her fist. “Don’t you dare.”

 

Sasuke’s stomach sank as he fully processed Sakura’s words. Kakashi did his best to smile and nod, just as uncomfortable as Sasuke was. If  Kakashi couldn’t look down at the mess that was bound to happen between Sakura’s legs, it left no one else but Sasuke to take up the task. Out of all the tasks he could possibly be given in a lifetime, Sasuke could hardly come up with one he felt more queasy about.

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke said, unable to hold back a nervous chuckle. “I’m not sure this is a good idea -- “

 

“You bet it’s a good idea!” Sakura snapped with impressive thunder, lifting her head to look at Sasuke. Truly, Sasuke wished he could focus on the way her naked breasts bounced every time she moved, but he was afforded no such luxury for the dirty work he was about to accomplish. “You’re not the one who still has to fuck me after this!”

 

“You know, she has a point --"

 

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Sasuke muttered, glaring daggers at Kakashi, who only grinned in response. 

 

Sakura clamped a hand down on her mouth to muffle a pained howl, breaking down into smaller sobs when the pain started to ebb away. “Can you see it?”

 

“Already?” Sasuke laid a palm on Sakura’s knee -- far more for his own good than hers -- and breathed in deeply before he lowered his eyes to Sakura’s vagina. Though they only had firelight to go by, he could still clearly see that the redness on the blanket came from Sakura. “I think you’re bleeding.”

 

“That’s probably my placenta,” Sakura explained, shuddering. “That’s normal.”

 

Already, Sasuke’s stomach churned far too uncomfortably. “Okay.”

 

“I have to push now,” Sakura ground out between her clamped teeth, one hand crushing Kakashi’s supportive hand. “It’s --"

 

“You’re doing well,” Kakashi reassured, somehow managing to keep his hand from breaking under Sakura’s death grip. 

 

Though when he glanced at Sasuke, Kakashi was no longer so sure. Sasuke did his best to smirk, though he might has well have been a grimacing baboon at this point. Between them, Sakura exhaled loudly and sucked in the next breath to push again. 

 

Sasuke steeled himself and looked between her legs again, relieved to find there was nothing to see yet, but then worried that there wasn’t. For a while, this went on and on, until the baby finally crowned and Sasuke had to suppress his urge to to leave Kakashi handle this on his own.

 

“I see him,” Sasuke yelped. “What do I do?”

 

“Does he look okay?” Sakura said between pants. “Do you see the cord?”

 

“Not yet,” he answered. “What does okay look like?”

 

Sakura growled, and Sasuke doubted it was out of pain this time. Kakashi tried to peek between her legs, but Sakura yanked so hard on his shirt that he nearly fell on his side. 

 

“He’s coming out!” Sasuke said when the head finally poked out, revealing more slimy hair and an equally slimy nose. “He’s…” Staring at Sakura’s vagina, Sasuke lost his voice. Everything looked so horrendously deformed -- from how wide it was stretched, to the bloody mess on her thighs and the blanket, and -- and the thing coming out of her. 

 

“Sasuke?” Kakashi said as Sasuke had to turn and crawl away from Sakura. “What are you --"

 

Sasuke couldn’t stop it. He vomited on the floor, and even the visible chunks in his throw up were a more appealing sight than the monstrosity he’d just been forced to witness.

 

“Sasuke, oh my god!” Sakura shrieked. “What the hell is your problem?! Do you have any idea how unsanitary this is?!”

 

Cheeks burning with shame, Sasuke wiped his mouth on his sleeve and hurried back between Sakura’s legs, wishing it was as fun as it sounded. “I’d like to see you do better.”

 

“Are you kidding me?” Sakura laughed, sounding delirious to Sasuke’s abused ears. “I sliced Naruto’s ribcage open and made his heart beat with my own bare fucking hands -- and I didn’t puke like a pussy!”

 

Suddenly, Kakashi looked just as green as Sasuke assumed he was himself. But then, Sakura was pushing again, and Sasuke could only reach for the baby as it slid further out of her, until it was finally in his hands. 

 

“Sakura-chan,” Kakashi cooed to Sakura, who’d collapsed where she lied when the baby finally came out. “He’s here, Sakura-chan. What do we have to do now?”

 

“His mouth,” Sakura whispered, exhausted. “Break the mucus in his mouth.”

 

Cradling the baby in one hand, Sasuke frowned and hesitated to put a finger in its mouth. It was so small, and it hardly looked like a baby, slimy red mess that it was, but it wasn’t crying yet, so Sasuke did it. The baby protested, his tiny limbs coming to life as they stretched and tried to flail. Quickly, he felt the barrier Sakura was talking about and it easily popped around his finger. As soon as his mouth was unobstructed, the baby wailed.

 

“What about the cord, Sakura-chan?” Kakashi asked, breaking Sasuke from his the spell that had suddenly overtaken him. “How do we cut it?”

 

“Sasuke-kun can sever it with fire,” Sakura breathed out, barely enough strength left to look between her legs to try and find her child. “It will be sterile this way.”

 

When Kakashi nodded and turned to him, extending his hands with a clean shirt ready in them, Sasuke took a moment to hand him the baby. It was so small. How could a human be so small? Eyes still wide with disbelief, Sasuke performed the necessary seals by rote memory. When a small flame burned in his palm, he held it close to the baby where Sakura indicated, careful not to put the baby in danger. Soon enough, the cord popped with a small sizzle, and everything felt over as soon as it had begun.

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi whispered, a smile under his tired eyes. He helped Sakura crawl back towards the wall with one hand and she pressed her back to it as Kakashi leaned down to show her their child. “He’s here.”

 

“He really is a he?” Sakura let out, her voice as watery as her brimming eyes. “We have a son?”

 

“We do.” Carefully, Kakashi placed the baby in her arms. As Sakura looked down at the baby, they both smiled the same smile, a smile of warmth and happiness that, somehow, Sasuke understood. Perhaps because he remembered his mother smiling it long after she had given birth, though he had never seen it on his father. “You did it, Sakura.”

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura called, and Sasuke was quick to go to her side, ready to fetch whatever she might need. “You did great,” she said, then handed him the baby. “Do you want to hold him, too?”

 

“Are you sure?” They were stupid words to say, but Sasuke could only stare in awe as she placed the baby in his arms, showing him the proper way to hold him. “Like this?”

 

Sakura nodded and Sasuke relaxed, holding the baby carefully against his chest. Now cleaned, the baby wasn’t so slimy anymore and his hair no longer a red-brown but a bright silver color, just like Kakashi’s. Kakashi had been right; his son would not have pink hair. The baby cried, but it didn’t worry Sasuke. They had been blessed with a healthy baby, it seemed, and Sasuke could not be more thankful. 

 

Sasuke smiled to himself, stroking the baby’s silver hair with one thumb. More than anything, he gave Sasuke hope. Life burned within them and would find a way to survive, even in this world. No matter what.

  
  



	27. Against the Tide

Sakura sat with her back to the headboard of their bed, infant to her breast. Half asleep, the baby suckled on her engorged nipple lazily. It felt odd. Odd was the only way Sakura could describe the sensation. Kakashi had sucked on her nipples long before their son had. Of course, when it was Kakashi’s lips on her breast, Sakura’s reaction was one of sexual pleasure. The baby, on the other hand, predictably did not make it feel that way. Sometimes, he sucked too hard and it hurt, but mostly, it was simply strange to feel the milk being suctioned out of her breast.

 

At her side, Kakashi watched them in silence, such affection in his eyes that it filled Sakura’s stomach with lead. 

 

“He’s beautiful,” Kakashi said, not sensing her mood for once. Sakura repressed a snort, thinking he was the one to be influenced by hormones this time around. “He’s falling asleep, isn’t he?”

 

“He looks like a potato,” Sakura said, glancing down at their child. A potato that sprouted a head of thick, soft silver hair, thin eyebrows of the same color and then blue eyes that had baffled Kakashi. “Potatoes aren’t cute.”

 

Kakashi could only look at Sakura in mild confusion, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. Since his fight with Sasuke, Kakashi had been distant. With the baby born, he was more jovial and affectionate, but his resentment was far from gone. Sakura could understand, to a certain extent, why Kakashi had been hurt when she had defended Sasuke over him and then gone to see him, leaving Kakashi alone, but his reaction stemmed from something else entirely. Something he couldn’t tell her about, Sakura felt. 

 

Sakura sighed and stood, placing the baby in the tiny crib Isamu had fashioned for them. 

 

“Kakashi…” Sakura closed her eyes as she laid in bed with him, pressing her cheek to his naked chest. 

 

Kakashi hummed, stroking her hair quietly.

 

“You’re still angry that I left without you, is that it?” Sakura asked, tipping her chin up to look at his face. 

 

Kakashi’s hand stilled and his face was impassive. “No.”

 

“Liar,” Sakura teased, prodding at his stomach with one finger that Kakashi caught. 

 

“Yes,” he admitted, placing a kiss to the crown of her head. “I was worried sick.”

 

“I was a jerk,” Sakura said, cheeks hot. “I’m sorry. It’s just you and Sasuke were being such pricks again.”

 

“Sasuke was.”

 

“You know, you hurt him, too,” Sakura said, frowning. “He’s trying so hard --"

 

“ I  hurt him?” Kakashi interrupted, carefully keeping his tone down. “You seem to forget all he’s --"

 

“That’s the past, Kakashi,” Sakura said firmly, propping herself up on one hand. “You need to let go of it. Things aren’t the same now.”

 

“But how?” Kakashi said, deflating. Sakura offered him a small smile and she tangled her fingers with his, relaxing when he squeezed her hand. “How can you forgive him so easily, when he…”

 

“When he killed Naruto?” Sakura had been afraid to say it out loud, too, but no more. They could only avoid the truth so long. “I don’t know. But you saw it too. It broke him. I think that’s how he was able to come back to us.”

 

Kakashi remained silent, his chest still under her as he held his breath.

 

“He had no choice,” Sakura said. With all her heart, she believed it, because the tears she had seen on Sasuke’s face could be nothing but the pain of losing a brother. “I’m sure he didn’t. He’s losing his mind over what he had to do, that much I can see. It’s why I have to forgive him. He’s doing his best to fix things. He needs you to believe in him, too.”

 

“I don’t know if I can.” Kakashi stared up at the ceiling. Sometimes, Sakura was still surprised to see both of his eyes dark and uncovered. The redness of the Sharingan still appeared to her at times, but she knew it was only a trick of mind. “I don’t know if I want to.”

 

“You promised, too,” Sakura said gently, caressing his chest in hopes of soothing his hammering heart under her ear. “You promised not to give up on him.”

 

“I never believed he would do it,” Kakashi said quickly, one arm wrapping around her waist loosely. “I thought, somehow, he could never be that far gone.”

 

“He’s not that far gone and he never was,” Sakura said. Quiet for a few seconds, she slipped her fingers between Kakashi’s over her waist. “And now I think he’s truly coming back. But he needs you, too. No matter how much he refuses to admit it.”

 

For a moment, Kakashi didn’t answer her, and Sakura was afraid she might be starting another fight, but he smiled. “If that’s what you believe, Sakura-chan,” he said, pulling her into a tight embrace, “then I will try and believe it too.”

 

Kakashi’s lips were on hers before Sakura could answer, and Sakura could only melt under him when he rolled them over to lie above her. 

 

“Do you think we’d be kissing like this if it wasn’t for the war?” Kakashi chuckled, but Sakura only saw doubt in his eyes. 

 

Then, Sakura understood. “Kakashi…” 

 

Once upon a time, Sakura had loved Sasuke, and it would be easy to believe now that Kakashi was all that stood between them -- along with the baby Kakashi had put in her womb. 

 

“I’m your wife,” Sakura whispered tenderly, cupping Kakashi’s scratchy cheeks. 

 

“You are,” Kakashi said, a small, almost shy, possessive smile on his lips she had never seen before now. 

 

Had he really been that afraid all along to lose her to him? Now, Sakura realized that her caring for Sasuke could be misinterpreted rather easily to the unknowing, but Kakashi was not unknowing. More than anyone alive, he knew them and her. 

 

“I’m sorry I went to see Sasuke before you.” Closing her eyes, she tried to mold her body to his side as she had once been able to do, but her still nearly full pregnant belly stuck between them as usual. “I didn’t do it because I wanted to.”

 

“You’re not sorry.”

 

Sakura tipped her chin up to watch the underside of Kakashi’s jaw, finding it clenched and stubborn. “I am. I never wanted to leave you like that.”

 

“Then why did you?” he asked, finally rolling his head to the side to be able to look at her. 

 

“Because I had to fulfill my promise to Naruto.” It was Sakura’s turn to clench her jaw and stare ahead. More than anything, Kakashi could understand duty. “I promised I would bring Sasuke back. I came back to you as soon as I could because that’s where I wanted to be.”

 

At last, Kakashi’s eyes softened and he gave under her, exhaling the breath he’d been holding. “I’m selfish, Sakura-chan.”

 

“No you’re not,” Sakura chastised, pursing her lips into a pout. 

 

“I am,” Kakashi said, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. 

 

Sakura could only watch in alarm as one tear slid down the side of his head to his ear. Gingerly, he stroked her hair, staring into her eyes. Through his own, Sakura could see what he imagined in her own, what he thought he took from her. 

 

“Kakashi,” she whispered, soft and hesitant. “ I chose to marry you,” she continued, breath hitching when Kakashi placed hot kisses to her neck. “Not the baby. Not Shishou, no matter what she would have you believe.  I and only  I  did.”

 

With renewed fervor, Kakashi kissed her and Sakura could only smile against his lips. For a while now, Kakashi hadn’t kissed her like this. Relaxed, affectionate, but also demanding. Much like he’d kissed her the very first time. He smiled, too, she could feel, and she was glad. Glad that this tension between them could never last and that they could never be complicated together. They would simply be together, because that’s what they’d always done. That was what they wanted.

 

“Maybe you should go share the news,” Sakura whispered into his kiss. “It’s almost lunch now, isn’t it? They’ll start to wonder.”

 

“That’s actually a wonderful idea,” Kakashi said, immediately rolling out of bed to get dressed. “I’ll get to it right now.”

 

A quiet smile on her lips, Sakura watched Kakashi as he left, lazily immobile in bed. Through the open door, as Kakashi passed him, she saw Sasuke snap awake where he laid on their couch. For a moment, his eyes searched the room haphazardly, latching onto nothing in particular. Then the events of the previous night came back to him and he rolled off the couch to come meet her in the bedroom, hesitating at the door as his gaze fell on the baby.

 

“Good morning, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura said, pulling the blanket higher to wrap it around her chest. 

 

“Morning,” Sasuke said, then turned and walked to her to climb in her bed. He sat with his back to the wall, tidying her hair with one hand. “How’re you feeling?”

 

“Like I was ripped in half.” Sakura giggled, biting her lip. 

 

“Sounds rather accurate.” 

 

At the green tinge appearing on his cheeks, Sakura could only laugh. Sasuke only grimaced in response. When the baby began to fuss again, Sasuke’s eyes fell on the crib immediately. Sakura nudged him, nodding towards the crib, and Sasuke stood to go get the baby. The wonder in his eyes was impossible to miss, just as it had been when he’d felt the baby move within her womb.

 

“He’s so small.” Careful as if he held a brittle crystal, Sasuke returned to her side, cradling the baby against his chest. “It’s incredible.”

 

“He’s a little small because he was born a month early,” Sakura explained, leaning her cheek against Sasuke’s shoulder. The baby was quiet in his arms, only kicking his legs minutely. “I think we got lucky, though. He seems just fine. Must be precocious like Kakashi.”

 

Before long, Kakashi was the door of the bedroom, cheerfully calling, “Sakura-chan, we have visitors.”

 

Visibly, Kakashi was a little miffed to find Sasuke where he was, but he didn’t allow it to damper the mood. For once, Sasuke caught on and relinquished his place. Sakura took the baby from him so he could move, a blush on her cheeks as their friends entered the bedroom, loud and excited. 

 

“Boogeyman has a mini boogeyman now!” Jobu called, a wide grin on his usually severe face. 

 

At his side, Hana jabbed him in the ribs and he frowned at her. Sakura tipped her chin down just barely to cover the shy smile that spread on her lips. 

 

“Let me see what the fuss is all about!” Suigetsu cut in, shoving himself to the front of the crowd so he could lean down and take a good look at the baby. “Looks like the old man alright.”

 

Behind him, Sakura didn’t miss the way granny Atsuko and Himawari shared a frown together, glancing between Sasuke and Sakura. Sakura frowned, too, but decided against demanding to know what was so strange about having her teammate here. 

 

“Woah!” Inari cried out, kneeling at the side of the bed to take a better look at the baby. “He’s so cute!”

 

Sai came from the other side, though he didn’t say anything. Sakura smiled at him, reaching to touch his arm. The best he could, Sai smiled back.

 

“Did you give birth all by yourself, child?” Atsuko asked from besides Inari. “All alone?”

 

“No, no,” Sakura said quickly. “You could say Sasuke-kun was our midwife.”

 

From where he leaned against the wall, Sasuke frowned, pointedly avoiding everyone’s surprised and mocking looks. 

 

“So what’s his name?” Inari asked, nearly loud enough for Sakura to miss the clucking of granny Atsuko’s tongue, but not quite. “Tell us already!”

 

Awkward smile on her lips, Sakura looked to Kakashi. “We haven’t found a name yet.”

 

“The baby needs a name,” Juugo finally said, from where he stood in the back with Sasuke. 

 

Unsurprisingly, Rika was not with him. For a while now -- since her son’s death -- Rika had been absent from most of the camp life. Already Sakura had gone to Juugo to inquire about her state, suggesting some ideas to treat depression she’d sometimes seen in the hospital, but it seemed all failed to bring any life to Rika. Sakura could only frown to herself. Giving up was what Rika was doing. On herself, on her son and on Juugo. Sakura looked down at her own son, eyebrows knit together. 

 

Never. Never would Sakura be anything like Rika, Sakura vowed to herself. She, too, had been weak once upon a time. But never again. Sakura would never be a coward again. Her people deserved better.

 

“We’ll figure it out,” Kakashi said when Sakura didn’t respond, a smile behind his mask.

 

…

 

Already three days had passed, and for the third time, Kakashi kissed Sakura’s forehead as he left to complete the work that awaited him that day. Again, Sakura waved him off with a smile on her face, baby in her arms. The moment he was gone and she turned back to look at the kitchen, Sakura sighed. The baby had already begun crying, as he liked to do whenever Kakashi left. Or even when Kakashi was there. Just that night, Sakura doubted she’d had more than two hours’ worth of sleep.

 

“How about we go on a walk, huh?” Sakura said to her son, bouncing him with her hip to try and soothe him.

 

She had just fed him, so he couldn’t be hungry. Sakura slipped into warmer clothes and wrapped the baby in the one small blanket they had. Under it, she had dressed him in the rabbit fur clothes she had made for him, and Sakura hoped it was enough. With one of Kakashi’s large shirts, she fashioned a sling and tied it to herself, nonetheless keeping one arm on the baby just in case.

 

Satisfied, she stepped outside. 

 

The baby had fussed so much during that small a task that Kakashi was already on the fishing boat, leaving with Ichiro and Inari. Sakura sighed to herself and walked to the dock as they departed. Nobuya was there, working on fixing a broken trap. Hitomi sat close by, as she always did lately. Rika would usually take care of her with Katashi and Makoto, but Rika couldn’t handle Katashi now, and Juugo couldn’t handle more than him, so Nobuya silently took on the role.

 

“Do you have any work for me, Nobuya-san?” Sakura asked as she sat by him, watching his nimble hands. “I’m going stir crazy.”

 

“Spirited indeed,” Nobuya chuckled to himself. 

 

Sakura cocked her head to the side, frowning. 

 

“Ah, nothing, nothing,” Nobuya said as he waved his hand dismissively. “You don’t need to find work, Sakura-san. You’ve got a young one to care for, and you are our doctor.”

 

“But I’m not doing anything all day long,” Sakura said, playing with the baby’s hands in hopes to quiet his cries. “I need something to keep busy with.”

 

“Keep an old man company, then.” Nobuya didn’t look away from his work, as he never did, but he smiled, hard as it was to see under his mangled flesh.

 

“Sure,” Sakura said, though she fell silent, hardly knowing what to talk about.

 

“How about you tell me how Kakashi-san proposed to you?” he said after a moment, briefly pausing his hands to look at her when Sakura only stared at him with wide, blank eyes. “Girls all like to talk about romance,” he said, then winked. “I like it too, sometimes.”

 

“Oh, um…” Sakura held the baby tighter against her as she tried to remember the exact circumstances. Thankfully, the baby started to quiet down, pressing his face into her breast when he felt it. “We had a fight. Because he had a chance to be the leader of Konoha and I thought it could be good for the baby. He didn’t want it. He said he wouldn’t be viewed kindly for having a bastard with me.”

 

Nobuya remained silent at her side, seemingly focused on his work, but she knew well he didn’t miss a single word.

 

“Then he asked if marrying me would make me happy. I guess because the baby wouldn’t technically be a bastard, then,” Sakura said, sighing. “We got married because we were ordered to by our Hokage, though.”

 

Nobuya hummed. “That wasn’t very romantic.”

 

“No, not at all,” Sakura laughed. 

 

“Surely you have a better story or two up your sleeve,” Nobuya said more hopefully. “A lovely couple like you two.”

 

Sakura looked up at the blanket of white clouds in the sky, searching her memory. “Maybe I have one.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“One day, I found Kakashi-sensei at the graveyard,” Sakura started, purposefully removing key details. “I didn’t know about why he was there yet. So I spied on him, and I left him a gift. I don’t think he liked it very much.”

 

No, Kakashi hadn’t liked it at all at first. She had forced herself into one of the most private parts of his life, after all. Then, she had only been thirteen. Sasuke had already left and Naruto was training with Jiraiya. It was only the two of them.

 

“That night, I was supposed to be having a sleepover with a girlfriend,” Sakura continued, smiling as she remembered the many sleepovers she’d had with Ino. It all seemed so far now. “She had a last minute mission, though, so it was cancelled. I decided to go to his apartment. I spent the night there.”

 

That night, Kakashi had been surprised to find her at his doorstep. She could see it in his eyes that he would have sent her away in a heartbeat, had it been anyone else, but he didn’t. Instead, he let in her half-heartedly. They hardly spoke, but Sakura was glad to just be there with him on such a glum night. When time came to go to bed and she said they were having a sleepover, she thought he might throw her out, but again, he simply gave in. He set up blankets on the ground and slept there, leaving his bed and pillow for her, cramped as it was in his apartment. 

 

In the middle of the night, she had woken him, scared by his tossing and turning that he was having a nightmare. And he had been, Sakura knew now. He was confused to see her at first, even more so when she pressed her body against his in a tight hug to quiet his thrashing.  What are you doing? he’d said. When Sakura didn’t let go, he let her. Then, when she proposed sharing gossips and getting junk food, he said nothing. 

 

“It’s the first time he ever opened up to me.” Sakura smiled, her fondness of the memory warming her heart. “He hardly even said a word through it all, but he did open up.”

 

“That sounds just like Kakashi-san,” Nobuya chuckled.

 

Against her breast, the baby wailed again. Sakura sighed, but showed Nobuya a bright smile. “I think he needs changing. But thank you for the conversation, Nobuya-san.”

 

…

 

Sakura sighed as she waded her arms through the water that filled her bath. By now, it was lukewarm, but Sakura appreciated it no less. Soap would have made it much more enjoyable, but Sakura would take what she could get. Especially when this was the first time in his short life of one week that the baby allowed her more than one hour of peace. Sakura sank her head in the water, holding her breath as it covered the skin of her face. The water felt good, soothing.

 

Under the surface, Sakura smiled to herself. Since the day before the war, Sakura had developed a special fondness for baths, though she hadn’t gotten the opportunity to indulge very often. Why this appreciation had developed was all too clear in Sakura’s mind, even almost a year later. 

 

Kakashi had followed her to the river, still oblivious to the plan that had formed in her head, but she knew he would immediately understand. And he did. When she removed her large sweater first and looked over her shoulder at him, a smile on her lips, she knew he did. Or he began to, at least. Then the pants and everything else followed the shirt, and she didn’t look back. She could feel Kakashi’s eyes on her, so she simply walked to the river and kept going until the water reached her waist.

 

She’d trailed her fingers along the surface of the waters, creating small ripples, and refused to face him just yet. 

 

Her heart thrummed into her ears as she turned to Kakashi, yelling “Kaka-sensei, you stink!” as she slapped the surface of the water playfully. 

 

As she knew he would, Kakashi didn’t move for a moment. To cover the redness of her cheeks, she crouched until they were covered. He only looked straight at her, thinking, analyzing too much. And then it all stopped and he removed his flak jacket, throwing it to the ground along with all that burdened his mind. For this very moment, he would be only Kakashi with her. 

 

When he was finally undressed and too close to her, Sakura stood again and turned to go deeper in the water, but he caught her arm. Sakura could hear her heart beating in her ears and she felt it harder under her ribs. 

 

“Come here,” he said.

 

So Sakura did, shedding her fears like he had to face him. She watched as his eyes lowered to her exposed skin, then rose back up to meet hers. Biting her lip, Sakura took one step closer to him. 

 

Just before she could close the distance between them, the hand that still gripped her forearm pulled her away. “Turn around.”

 

Sakura swallowed the saliva that had built in the back of her throat and obeyed, watching the trees in the distance to soothe her nerves. Though she had expected -- hoped for it -- the light she had sparked in Kakashi’s eyes unsettled her stomach. Never before had he looked at her quite like that. Not even that night at the inn that they still never spoke of. 

 

Then, he stepped closer, close enough for her to feel his chest against her back. Slowly, he let go of her arm, only to trail his fingers up her arms in the lightest of touches. On the other side, he lowered his lips close to the crook of her neck. As his breath reached the sensitive skin there, goosebumps rose on her body. Kakashi ghosted his lips over the curve of her neck, breathing in slowly and deeply, fighting to not give in quite yet. A shiver ran down Sakura’s spine and she arched into him, breathing in much more suddenly and sharply. Kakashi swallowed hard. 

 

Gently, he wrapped his free arm around her waist. With his other hand, he brushed his knuckles down the valley of her breasts, never quite truly touching her, until he was too close to the coarse hair on her pubis and diverted his course to instead continue down her thigh. When he couldn’t reach lower, his fingers went back up, this time towards the inside of her thigh.

 

Sakura held her breath, reclining further against Kakashi. Against her lower back, she could him feel him hard already. His breath against her neck wasn’t so steady anymore. 

 

Deep blush on her cheeks, she reached behind her to throw one arm around Kakashi’s neck, so her body was now pressed against his, but he only whispered, “Not yet.”

 

The baby screamed from the kitchen, making Sakura jump. With a sigh, she hurried out of the bath and wrapped a heavy towel around herself. As she did so, Sakura could only stare down at her body in mild horror. It was so different from the one in her memory of the bath with Kakashi. Her breasts were so much larger, but Sakura was no happier with them. They bore stretch marks she did her best to erase and her nipples were so swollen and chapped from feeding that Sakura could only think they looked horrible. Worst of all was her stomach, still so big but now hanging limply over her widened hips. The stretch marks on it were a sore sight, red and angry as they were. It even felt strange, tight and numb on the inside as her womb slowly contracted again, though it all looked loose and empty on the outside.

 

Swallowing a sob, Sakura tied the towel around her and went to get the baby. 

 

No matter what she tried, he cried and cried and cried. Still somewhat hopeful to calm him down, she dressed him and then herself and left for a walk. Perhaps fresh air was what he needed. Kakashi would be back soon, so maybe she could just meet him on the dock. Their boat was already close enough for her to see it.

 

In the distance, working on a boat with Isamu, Sakura spotted Himawari. For a while now, Isamu had been teaching her carpentry. Himawari seemed eager to learn, even if she already had a good profession and set of skills as a butcher, without even mentioning her beautiful voice when she sang. Sakura kept away from them for a moment, simply watching Himawari’s determined face as she followed Isamu’s directions.

 

Then, Sasuke walked to her and said something in her ear that made her blush to the roots of her hair. She needed nothing more than Sasuke’s mere presence to lose all focus and coordination. Sakura knew that feeling all too well, since she had been no different when she had been a child. It was upsetting nonetheless to see a strong woman like Himawari lose all composure so easily.

 

Sakura frowned to herself. Was she anything alike when Kakashi showed up now? Glancing down at the baby, Sakura suppressed a growl of frustration. He had quieted some, though he remained fussy as always. Was that all Sakura would do from now on? Feed a baby, watch it grow, and fawn over her incredible husband? Was that all she had trained so hard for?

 

“Sakura-chan!” Kakashi greeted as they moored the boat. “Coming to meet your husband after a hard day’s work, eh?”

 

He jumped up on the dock to meet her, but she turned harsh eyes on him and jabbed him in the abdomen.

 

“Sakura-chan?" he said again, sounding miserable.

 

Sasuke approached, laughing at Kakashi’s misery as he so often did, only to sweeten his voice for her. “You look wonderful today, Sakura-chan.”

 

“You!” Sakura growled, swinging one arm to send Sasuke to the ground before she sat on him and locked him in a tight hold. “You don’t get to mock my husband! Got it?”

 

Sasuke grunted under her, refusing to give in just yet, but when she tightened her hold, he was forced to go limp. “Got it!”

 

“Good,” Sakura said as she let him go.

 

Against her breast, the baby screamed yet again, disturbed by the sudden movement.  Sakura sighed, getting up and patting his back with no success.  He only wailed louder.

 

Kakashi took him from her and he quieted quickly, distracted by his father.

 

Annoyed, Sakura flounced off, just waiting for her family to follow.  "It's nearly dinner time, isn't it?" she said loudly.

 

Kakashi didn't seem to notice her irritation, staring at the baby in his arms as he walked after her slowly.

 

...

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, tone disapproving. “Shouldn’t we go back home for this?”

 

Sakura frowned, holding the baby steady as he fed from her breast. With her yukata, it wasn’t hard at all to do this discreetly. “Why? He’s hungry now.”

 

Across the table, Sasuke watched them, chin propped on his crossed arms. The soft smile on his face was almost entirely foreign to Sakura, but she found it no less adorable. It was a relief to see Sasuke no longer hiding away from them. 

 

“Everyone can see your breast,” Kakashi said simply, and Sakura couldn’t help but laugh at the moody frown on his face.

 

“Nobody cares about her breast,” Sasuke cut in, tearing his eyes from her breast to smirk at Kakashi. “Old man.”

 

“How surprising of  you to be the one to say that.” 

 

“I wouldn’t say  nobody ,” Suigetsu cut in with a smirk, earning himself a sigh from Juugo.

 

“Oh, enough!” Sakura burst out, slapping a palm on the table. The baby unlatched from her breast, crying. “If anyone cares about my breast, they’ll meet my fist. How’s  that ?”

 

Sasuke looked away pointedly, and Sakura smirked. She had felt no sexual intention in the way he had watched the baby’s face pressed into her breast, but she relished in how he feared her strength now. 

 

At seeing Sasuke so easily tamed, Kakashi smirked.  “Even me, Sakura-chan?”

 

“Most of all you,” Sakura growled, narrowing her eyes and pointing her chopsticks at him. 

 

Then, the baby regurgitated on the sleeve of her yukata and Sakura yelped. “Oh my god! That’s so gross!”

 

“Is that normal?” Sai asked from beside Sasuke, frowning in concern.

 

“What are you, an alien or something?” Sasuke sniggered. “Of course it is.”

 

Sai threw Sasuke a sour look, then turned back to Sakura. “Am I an alien, Sakura?”

 

“Okay, I’m done!” Suigetsu slapped his palms on the table, making the poor thing groan. “Sasuke is staring like a lovesick puppy at a gross shit-making wailing worm and this freak is freaking me out. I’m out.”

 

True to his word as always, Suigetsu stormed off, but Sakura smirked, amused by his outburst for once. Suigetsu liked to pretend he was tough, but Sakura had seen enough to know better now. Seeing Sai and Sasuke finally interacting after months of silent avoidance was only the cherry on top of it all.

 

Unaffected, she turned to Sai, flashing him a comforting smile. “Of course not. You just don’t know about these things. Now I need to go get cleaned up.”

 

“You should ask Rika,” Kakashi threw in, a goofy smile on his face. “I’m sure she knows how to get those kinds out of stain out easily.”

 

“Good idea,” Sakura said, nodding as she stood.

 

Rika just happened to be a few tables over, so Sakura walked over to the table she shared with a few other women, of which only Rika and Atsuko Sakura knew by name.

 

“Hey, Rika-san,” Sakura said sheepishly, cradling the baby a little tighter to her chest. “The baby spit up on my yukata. Do you have any tricks to clean that up without leaving a stain?”

 

“I never wore yukatas when I breastfed,” Rika said, not sparing her a glance as she ate. By now, Sakura was used to Rika’s unresponsive behavior, as it had been so since Makoto’s death. Sakura could hardly blame her. “You’ll figure it out.”

 

“You birthed him by yourself,” Atsuko cut in, tone far less gentle. She, on the other hand, made it abundantly clear that her clipped tone had nothing to do with depression and all to do with acidity. “You will find a way to do this on your own as well, I’m sure, child.”

 

“Oh.” Sakura blinked, rocking the baby on her side when he cried again. “Of course.”

 

Figuring she would get no help, Sakura walked to the back of the of the building where the kitchen was. Her decision to give birth unassisted by any of the women had spurred their fickle anger, and they no longer accepted her. The disdain, Sakura could understand to a certain extent. These were women from a modest village, the ways of which Sakura was unaccustomed to. Of course, she had been taught modesty and propriety by her mother, but most of it had been forgotten the minute she’d been injured on a mission once and Kakashi thought nothing of tearing her shirt from her chest to access her wound. How could she save the lives of her patients if peeking under their clothes made her red to the tips of her ears?

 

Of course, Sakura would rather have done without Sasuke’s  obvious display of just how revolting childbirth was to him, but it mattered little. What mattered was that she now held a healthy baby. 

 

“Prudes,” Sakura muttered to her still wailing child.  “All of them. Don’t you think?”

 

Even when she held him up to be at eye level with him, the baby only flailed and cried louder. Sakura frowned. Every day, he cried for hours and hours, night and day. Since Kakashi could hardly feed him without her help, Sakura was granted very little sleep. 

 

“You could be a little nicer to Mommy,” Sakura whispered as she sat on the floor, tears forming in her eyes and hiccups squeezing her chest. “I’m trying my best.”

 

Sakura removed her yukata to clean it in one of the buckets of freshwater they kept in the kitchen. Under it, she wore pants to keep a little warmer, but she could only cover her torso with a heavy blanket she carried everywhere. The yukata was useful for breastfeeding, so Sakura kept wearing it, using the blanket as an extra unobtrusive layer for warmth. As she scrubbed at her yukata with bare hands, the baby only cried harder in her lap. 

 

“Shh,” Sakura tried to coo, but her voice was too clogged. “It’s okay, baby.”

 

“Sakura-chan?” Kakashi called from behind her. 

 

“I’ll be a minute,” she answered, far too high pitched, and Kakashi was at her side in a flash. 

 

“Hey now,” Kakashi whispered, wiping at the tears that slid down her cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

 

“He won’t stop crying.” Sakura abandoned the yukata to pick up the baby. At least she could be proud of the winter coat she had made for him. “I don’t know what he wants.”

 

“Babies cry.” Kakashi sat behind her and gathered them both in his lap, seemingly unaware of how ridiculous they looked on the kitchen floor. “Why are  you crying?”

 

“Because I don’t know what I’m doing,” Sakura ground out. Kakashi wrapped his arms around her, rocking her and the baby from side to side gently. “I can’t do this.”

 

“We can,” Kakashi said, pressing a kiss to her temple. As if to prove her point, their son finally settled down. “See? We’re not so bad.”

 

You’re not , Sakura wanted to say, but she refrained. 

 

“Is everything alright?” Sasuke asked as he entered the kitchen, unconcerned about interrupting as he always was until he spotted Sakura’s crying face. “Sakura?”

 

“I’m fine!” Sakura growled, wiping at her eyes with one arm. “Stop being so annoying.”

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Sasuke defended as he crouched at her side.

 

Sakura pursed her lips, obstinately staring at the floor. 

 

“You look like a lobster,” Sasuke said, smirking as he pinched her cheek. “You’re all red and puffy-eyed.”

 

“Oh, shut up!” Sakura spot, throwing him a venomous glare. “I don’t care what you think I look like.”

 

It didn’t wipe the smirk from his face as she’d hoped. Instead, he laughed. “You’ve still got fire burning, don’t you? Now get up.”

 

Sakura huffed, but moved to stand up nonetheless. 

 

Kakashi took the baby from her as he helped her up. “Why don’t you go home and take a nap? I’m sure I can handle him on my own for a little.” Then, he looked down at the baby in his arms and smiled, so warm Sakura could only be swayed. “Can’t I?”

 

For him, the baby cooed and gurgled, reaching clumsily for the finger Kakashi teased him with.

 

“I’ll walk you home,” Sasuke said, nodding towards the door. When Sakura frowned, he added, “Boss me around if it makes you feel better.”

 

Finally, Sakura cracked a smile, the last of her tears dry. “Alright.”

 

“Rest up, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi said when they began to walk away, smiling to comfort her. “You’ll feel better.”

 

“Yeah.” Sakura nodded, flashing Kakashi a timid smile. “That’s what I need.”

 

As they walked outside, Sakura listened to the thin layer of snow crunching under their feet. In a few days, it would most likely melt again, and the next snowfall would stick, perhaps. In Konoha, the beginning of December brought only a few snowflakes, but here, farther up north, it truly felt like winter already.

 

“I didn’t mean to snap at you,” she said, staring down at the men’s boots that covered her feet. 

 

“We survived your pregnancy for nine months,” Sasuke teased, ruffling her hair with one hand as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “We can handle this.”

 

“It doesn’t mean I have to be a bitch about it,” Sakura protested, trying to pull away from him, but Sasuke only wrapped his arm around her tightly and rubbed her arm to keep her warm. “I’m horrible.”

 

Sasuke shrugged. “Sure, you are.”

 

Sakura pouted and slapped his chest. “You don’t have to agree with me, dummy.”

 

“Well, make up your mind, will you?” Sasuke smirked, nudging her shoulder with his own. “You can’t have it both ways.”

 

To see him like this, as teasing and snarky a man as he’d been a boy, Sakura knew she had been right to never give up on him -- even when she’d been a breath away. Sakura swallowed another hiccup as more tears fell from her eyes, inhaling sharply.

 

“Hey -- “

 

“I’m so happy to have you back, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura whispered as she threw her arms around Sasuke’s neck. “So happy.”

 

Sasuke hesitated for a moment, then he caught Sakura in a tight hug. He held her so tight that Sakura could feel him trembling, though just barely. Smiling, Sakura leaned her chin against his chest and stared up at him. Trusting and believing they couldn’t possibly fail had been one of the hardest promises Sakura had had to honor, but now it was all worth it. Finally, they had brought Sasuke back home. 

 

…

 

“Help yourselves!” Sakura said cheerfully as she placed a pot of fish stew in the center of their table. It was a rather bad idea, considering more than two people should never sit at once around it and they were four, but Sakura wanted it this way. It wasn’t quite family Friday without the central potluck. “And no complaining about the taste.”

 

For once, they had chosen to eat dinner in the privacy of Kakashi and Sakura’s home. It was slightly cramped in the small shack with the four of them, but no one seemed to mind. Sakura was almost thankful that Suigetsu insisted on keeping watch and that Juugo remained with Rika to care for her. Six of them would hardly fit. Kakashi and Sasuke ate in peace, and Sakura hadn’t even had to bribe either of them. Of course, the baby was far more effective a pacifier than whatever bribe she could afford, it seemed. Kakashi held him while he ate, and Sasuke only stole happy glances at the baby. It was hilarious, almost, to see the great brooding Uchiha turn to mush for an infant. At her side, though, Sai ate in silence, quieter than usual.

 

Sakura nudged Sai with her shoulder. “Hey, is everything alright, Sai?”

 

“Sasuke is back and now you have accepted him back into the team,” Sai said, watching as his food spilled from his spoon back into his bowl. “This means I am no longer replacing him on the team.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Sakura frowned, cocking her head to get a better look at his face. Much to her surprise, Sai’s eyebrows were bent and his jaw was tight, quite an improvement on his usual stoic expression. “Why does that matter?”

 

“If I am no longer replacing Sasuke, then what value am I to you?” Sai turned to her, the genuine concern in his voice, albeit hard to catch, stole her breath.

 

“Sai…” A sad smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “Teams are defunct now. I told you, you idiot. We’re family. There’s always more place in a family.”

 

“What do ninja do with their family?” 

 

The question caught Sakura off guard. Sakura had always had a family, until the moon turned red. Now, she had one of her own, but Sakura realized that, for once, she could understand Sai. Day in and day out lately, Sakura played house. She fed the baby without complaint, waking up at every hour of the night to soothe him, but then what? She was Kakashi’s wife, but they hardly knew what to do with themselves without missions. 

 

“Wait here,” Sakura said as she stood from the table.

 

Kakashi and Sasuke watched in mild confusion, but they didn’t try to interrupt. Soon enough, Sakura came back with the polaroid camera they’d been lucky enough to find in their closet. It was certainly beat up, but the ink in it hadn’t dried yet and it was still functional. They’d hoped to keep it a secret from the others, but Sakura knew this was the perfect moment to use it.

 

“We’re still a team,” Sakura announced as she ushered everyone on their old couch, disregarding the tight fit. “A new team! So let’s take our team picture now.”

 

“Where did you find this?” Sasuke questioned, uncharacteristically uneasy. 

 

“Around,” Sakura answered, winking at him. 

 

“Come on, Sai,” Kakashi encouraged, patting the small empty space on his left. 

 

Sai sat obediently, his face neutral once more. Sakura had to suppress a giggle, seeing all three of them squished on the couch like that. Before they could start to bicker about personal boundaries, Sakura moved the kitchen table in order to place the camera on it, then set off the timer. Quickly, she bounded over to them and took the baby from Kakashi’s arms so she could sit in his lap safely. 

 

“Hey, what do you think --"

 

Sakura looked at Sasuke to find Kakashi ruffling his hair like he often did hers, then turned her glare on him. The baby screamed against her breast once more. “Kakashi, don’t you ruin this --" The flash blinded all them all and Sakura jogged to the camera. “Oh no.” She snatched the photo as the camera finished printing it and waved it in the air for it to dry. “I swear, if you ruined it! You do realize we have no way of knowing how many pictures we can take with it, right?”

 

“It’ll be fine, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi cooed. “Don’t worry.”

 

“Says the old baboon,” Sasuke snapped. “You’re ridiculous.”

 

“How did it turn out?” Sai asked, walking to her to see it first.

 

When Sakura looked down at the picture, her breath caught in her throat. No one was looking at the camera, but Kakashi was right. It was perfect. Sasuke had the same angry look on his face as in their old picture, though this time it was directed towards Kakashi. Sakura herself looked nothing like in the old picture, but it made her smile, for she was nothing like her child self. Instead, she looked annoyed, mothering the two men in her life that couldn’t stop fighting. Sai, on the other end of the picture, looked at them with surprised eyes, a near-smile on his lips. Only Kakashi looked happy, smiling under his mask with closed eyes. Even the baby had cried for the picture. 

 

Soon enough, Sasuke also stood, leaving Kakashi alone where he sat. Over Sakura’s shoulder, he looked at the photograph. Sakura stole a glimpse at him behind her, a smile tugging at her lips when she saw his lips part.

 

“What is our team named, then?” Sai asked, breaking Sakura from her thoughts. 

 

“Team Kakashi, of course,” Kakashi said, almost sounding bored, from the sofa, one arm propped on the top of the cushion of the couch. He only bothered to open on eye, as if he had forgotten he no longer had the Sharingan. “How else could it be?”

 

…

 

Sakura sat on the beach, thinking maybe the sound of the waves would calm her son, but to no avail. He laid in the sand before her, kicking his tiny limbs and screeching as loud as an angry monkey. 

 

"He's a colicky one," Hana quipped as she approached Sakura, hands on her large grandmotherly hips. "Try this."

 

Sakura watched in defeated silence as Hana took the wailing baby from her. All day he had been screaming and fussing and Sakura couldn't be more glad to hand him to someone else. 

 

Colicky, Hana had said, Sakura just realized. Tsunade had told her of Kakashi being a colicky baby, too. Like father like son after all. 

 

Hana ran her hands in the sand, creating several small ridges. Then, she placed the baby on them, grabbed his legs and dragged him over them for a bumpy little ride. Before long, he quieted. 

 

"They like this," Hana said, nodding towards the baby. "It distracts them, the bumps on their back."

 

"Oh," Sakura said simply, lacking any better observation. "Thank you."

 

"Didn't your mother teach you?" Hana said, a bite in her tone that made Sakura stare down at the white sand. "Look where it has her little girl now."

 

"My mother didn't teach me because she's dead now."  

 

It was the first time she had said it loud, Sakura realized. Now more than ever she missed her mother. She would have known how to care for this baby the right way. She had raised Sakura, after all. She missed her father, too, though she was most afraid of what he would say. He had always been so traditional. 

 

"My ma didn't teach me," Hana continued, unfazed by Sakura's confession. "I taught me. You know why, little girl?"

 

Sakura frowned. She was no little girl anymore. She hadn't been for a long time, yet only Kakashi saw it. "Why?"

 

"Because people be like those women that smile to your face but sneer at your back," Hana smiled, nodding towards the building where they all ate dinner together most nights. Where Rika, Atsuko, and all the women suddenly sat tighter together so there was no more space at their table when Sakura appeared. "Nobody gives wenches favors."

 

"But didn't you just do that?" 

 

Sakura watched Hana as she continued playing with her baby, hands moving with the ease and comfort of a woman who'd raised many children. 

 

Hana's lips tightened in a thick line, the corners of her mouth obscured by wrinkles. "My pa said wenches are nobody."

 

Sakura didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. 

 

Hana turned to her, a smirk on her aged face. "Men think they know what women can do. Like the pup that follows you ‘round. Little girls trip over their own feet to please them."

 

"I'm not a little girl," Sakura said, thinking of the way Himawari fawned over Sasuke, her voice much harsher than she meant it to be. 

 

"Aren't you? Then stop sulking and give your little one what it cries for instead of crying in the kitchen until your men go get you." Though Sakura understood Hana sat with her to help her, she was puzzled by the animosity that bled into her voice now. "Two men," Hana said, clucking her tongue. "One is enough."

 

"Kakashi is my husband," Sakura said, frown digging deeper lines in her face. "He is enough."

 

"Yes, yes," Hana said dismissively. "That is why you allow the pup to birth your husband's child and why they fight over you."

 

"That's not -- " As it hit her what their situation looked like to normal people, Sakura laughed. Hana had a point, though -- Sakura did need to teach Sasuke a few boundaries. "I need to train him better, yes.”

 

Hana nodded sagely. “Pups need to be trained. Husbands too, but you did well already.”

 

Behind Hana’s wrinkles, Sakura could just begin to imagine the life that she had led. Hana’s hands were rough and scarred -- the hands of a hard worker. Hana had not had an easily life. Yet, here she was, smiling, chastising Sakura about training the men that had always been meant to have so much power over her.

 

Sakura smiled. Nothing could hold her back but herself -- that was what Tsunade had drilled into her, and Sakura was thankful for it, because she had come to find truth in it. Nothing would unleash Sakura’s strength for her.  She would. Tsunade had only helped her find that strength, and now, seeing Hana, she remembered where she had found it in the first place. 

 

“Tha --" The words were lost in Sakura’s throat as she looked up to thank Hana, but she instead caught sight of a group of men approaching. 

 

Immediately, Sakura took her son and hid him in his sling, ignoring his wailing as she helped Hana up and rushed towards the village, shouting their codeword at the top of her lungs. Immediately, Kakashi and Sasuke appeared at the top of the houses, yelling commands of their own to the villagers that scrambled below. 

 

Some ran inside their houses, as Suigetsu had trained them to, but others defied his orders, retrieving whatever weapon they could find. Others, dumbstruck and scared, gathered in a large group where they could see the incoming Kizanu. Sakura pushed Hana towards the group and stood before them. 

 

Breathing heavy, Sakura clutched her baby harder against her chest, glaring down the men that now surrounded them. The Kizanu might not have had the numbers of Konoha’s remaining military, but they were by no means a small group in the new standards. After all, counting herself, they were only six to protect seven times as many helpless civilians. Sakura could only grit her teeth, huddled with everyone while Sasuke and Kakashi took the front like guard dogs, hoping their reputations would be enough to deter the Kizanu.

 

“It’s easy to get out of this without any trouble,” one man with a long ponytail said -- most likely their leader. “We just want the able-bodied you took from us, and the supplies they accumulated, of course. No one’s gotta get hurt.”

 

“Yeah, right!” Suigetsu sneered, a small distance away from Sasuke. “I’m sure that one --" Sakura looked where he pointed, finding the shy girl who always wore a red bandana, the one who’d showed them this village. “-- has a different story! I wonder how many else?”

 

“You think that’s the kind of thing I allow my men to do?” the Kizanu leader barked, the anger in his eyes true enough for Sakura to know he was most likely honest. By default, Sakura would kill any Kizanu she met since they were enemies of Konoha now, but she could not deny that they must not be horrible beings for that sole reason. “You’re nothing but a child -- what do you know of how the world works?”

 

“Yet you know any better?” Juugo roared, his skin slowly turning grey. “Leave now, then! You’ve taken enough from us -- I won’t feel regret for tearing any of you apart.”

 

Sakura swallowed too hard, her skin crawling at the promise of savagery in Juugo’s voice. Until Makoto’s death, Juugo had been nothing but gentle. It scared her more than she was willing to admit, truly. If he could change like this, who could not? Sakura’s eyes watched the back of Kakashi’s head, then moved to the baby in her arms, so alike his father. 

 

“I wish I could,” the Kizanu leader, a half smile on his lips, “but we’ve all gotta survive.”

 

When he raised his hands in a signal only his men could understand, Sakura broke away from the group. Quickly, the Kizanu closed in on them and they all knew that five men would not be able to hold back ten times as many -- not without casualties. It wasn’t long before one man slipped between the combined defense of Sasuke and Kakashi, but Sakura waited for him patiently, all her senses sharp. 

 

Surely, he thought she would be an easy target. A helpless mother who could not protect her infant. He did not recognize her or her pink hair, but Sakura did not mind, for it was only easier to smash her fist into his ribcage when he readied his sword. It gave against her hand like butter; she did not look down to see the explosive damage her punches always caused, the blood that splattered on her face more than telling enough. 

 

Sasuke turned on his heel, about to rush to her aid, but he was quick to notice it was unnecessary. Even now, his eyes widened at the destruction her fists alone could bring. Sakura could only smirk amidst the chaos. Whether or not he wanted to believe it, she was a  ninja  and she fought like he did. She wasn’t the helpless girl she’d once been. 

 

Now that she had lost the element of surprise, the Kizanu were quick to target and try to overwhelm her. With the civilians so close, it was impossible for Sakura to unleash her full power without risk to them. Regardless, their dispatching was only slowed by the baby she held against her chest. Sai aided her the best he could, summoning ink beasts, but they proved much frailer than the ones Sakura used to spar against. He hadn’t found the right way to prepare the squid ink yet. 

 

And then, the first scream came. From the corner of her eye, Sakura could recognize the woman whose throat had been slit; it was Rika. From her stance, it was easy to recognize that the woman hadn’t even tried to fight back, and Sakura could only wish she was naive enough to think shock had frozen Rika. Jobu, quicker on his feet than Sakura remembered him, rushed forward and swung the wooden sword he’d been practiced with Suigetsu with, hitting the attacker square in the forehead. Upon contact, the weak wood of the sword splintered and broke, but Jobu was hardly phased by it, moving on to stab his enemy with a kitchen knife he’d pulled out of his pocket. 

 

What came next, though, froze Sakura’s blood solid in her veins. She didn’t need to see it to know what it was; after meeting with it on the bridge years ago, Sakura could recognize Sasuke’s Susano'o aura by its intensity alone. 

 

“Sasuke!” Sakura shouted, turning towards him to see Susano’o nearly fully formed around him. “If you do this, you’ll --"

 

Sakura’s breath caught in her throat as Susano’o swung his sword and she could only do her best to shield the baby and herself from the strong gust of wind it raised. There were many screams around her both, both from civilian and Kizanu. Sakura, too, had been terrified when she had seen Sasuke’s demon. Jutsu, they all knew, but Susano’o was not only a jutsu. Squinting, Sakura looked it in the face, ignoring the way her skin crawled when it looked back at her with the same wicked grin on its face. 

 

“Retreat!” Sakura’s head snapped towards the Kizanu leader when he shouted his order, the terror in his eyes all too familiar. “Retreat!”

 

Even as they were, Susano’o chased them down, sending trees crashing where its arrows landed. Sakura hurried to Kakashi, relieved to find him without any significant injury. Before he could say anything, she had placed their baby in his arms and left his side to go find Sasuke.

 

“Sakura!” Kakashi called after her, but the thought of stopping never crossed her mind.

 

“Sasuke!” Sakura stopped at Sasuke’s side as Susano’o finally dissipated around him. With a howl of pain, Sasuke dropped to his knees, heels of his palms to his bloody eyes. “Sasuke!”

 

“Sakura!” Sasuke shouted, and Sakura’s heart sank at the pleading in his voice. “Make it stop!”

 

Jaw clenched shut, Sakura kneeled in front of Sasuke, pulling his hands away from his eyes. “Let me see.”

 

Sakura had to swallow her gasp, horrified to see so much blood spilling from his eyes and the way they were visibly paling. Quickly, she gathered her chakra in her hands and pressed them to the sides of Sasuke’s head. Sometimes, she had helped Kakashi with pain in his own Sharingan eye, but her efforts had never amounted to much, and he hadn’t been going blind before her very eyes. 

 

Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes as Sakura examined him. With her chakra, she could see the tissues of his eyes be damaged further and further, but not the cause for it. Though she was certain there  had to be another answer, Sakura could only come to the conclusion that whatever it was eating away at his eyes had no physical presence -- it was otherworldly.

 

Shoving down the panic that began to overtake her, Sakura focused on repairing the damage as it was done. Maybe if it was fresh enough, she could reverse it. 

 

Regardless, it felt like only a breath’s time before it was over and her chakra cycled through his system uselessly.

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura breathed out as she dropped her hands in defeat. “I-I can’t…”

 

“Sakura!” Sasuke screamed, a guttural scream that felt like it came from the bottom of his very soul, and raised his fist. 

 

Sakura could only flinch and look away, her heart hammering in her chest when the ground besides her cracked. When she looked at Sasuke again, she could see nothing but shame and self-loathing in his eyes. A glance over her shoulder showed her why; everyone -- even Suigetsu -- had changed their stance, ready to stop Sasuke’s fist if it had come down towards her.

 

“Sasuke-kun,” Sakura breathed out, cupping his cheeks in her bloody palms. His eyes were uneven once more. His right eye had returned to its usual black, but his left eye had lightened to the point of being nearly completely white. “Sasuke-kun.”

 

Sasuke was limp in her hands, forehead tipping down until it hit her own. “Sakura.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Sasuke-kun,” she whispered, drawing him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry.”

  
  



	28. Avalanche

As he opened his eyes, ivory assaulted Hiashi’s eyes with the harshness only white could muster, reflecting the morning light painfully in his eyes. Once upon a time, ivory had become his favorite color, the color he looked forward to gazing upon every morning; in the form of Himiko’s perfect porcelain skin.Through a dream-like haze, Hiashi could see it still, feel its warmth as he reached to his side where Himiko had always been. Yet Hiashi’s fingers only touched the cold white bedding. For the longest time, that space hadn’t been empty. Not since his wedding to Himiko.

 

A half smile on his lips, Hiashi let the memory of their first meeting wash over him. Himiko had been a frail thing then, at the young age of fourteen. Petite, soft-spoken, demure and beautiful. An ideal wife for someone such as himself who already devoted himself to the further ascension of his clan. A woman like her was exactly what he’d needed. She would pose no problem, bear good children and would inspire respect when he paraded her at his arm. By all means, she had fulfilled his expectations of her to the extent he’d wished of her to and further.

 

Yet, the prickling in his heart had little to do with Himiko’s ability to be the perfect mother and wife in the eyes of the public; thinking so would be lying to himself. No, what he missed had nothing to do with how she was seen. It was what he had come to see that he missed so dearly. The warmth and sincerity behind her small, quiet smiles, the sparkling that appeared in her eyes from time to time when she would look up at him, the way she was always delicate, even in displaying her affection for him, as if she could cause him pain. 

 

Himiko had become more than his wife, and that was when ivory had become his favorite color.

 

“Hiashi-sama,” Misa called from the other side of the door. “May I come in?”

 

With a glance out of the large window by his bed, Hiashi held in a sigh. Sentimentality had distracted him long enough to delay his morning routine. Silent, he stood and slipped out of his sleeping garments and shrugged into his usual robes.

 

“You may,” he finally said.

 

Obedient, Misa carefully opened the door and walked in, bowing before him as etiquette dictated she do. When she stood to full height again, Hiashi looked away. Although Misa executed her duties perfectly and was an exemplary member of their clan, she only brought shame upon him, for she was so thin and of obvious ill health. It reflected poorly on his ability to maintain the clan. 

 

“Will Hiashi-sama let me help him get ready for the day?”

 

Hiashi simply nodded and Misa went about their morning routine, adjusting his clothes for him and tying the obi behind his back, as she had long before the war. She moved with the efficiency of habit, unhindered by her frailty. As she stood behind him, Hiashi thought of his daughters, how they would be in such positions had he not been head of the clan. 

 

“Hiashi-sama is ready for the day,” Misa said quietly as she stepped to his side, hands neatly folded together over her stomach. “Is that all?”

 

Hiashi nodded. “Yes.”

 

With a last polite nod, Misa turned on her heel and stepped towards the door. Even under her loose-fitting yukata, he could see how malnourished this girl was.

 

“Stop.”

 

Misa froze, shoulders just barely hunched. “Yes, Hiashi-sama?”

 

“Withdraw the equivalent of one day’s worth of your rations from the clan’s stores,” Hiashi instructed as he walked past her, blank eyes looking straight ahead at the closed door. “You are a sore sight for the eyes.”

 

Behind him, Misa’s breath caught in her throat. “Y-Yes, Hiashi-sama,” she said, voice lost somewhere between fear and gratefulness. “Thank you, Hiashi-sama.”

 

In the back of his mind, Hiashi could just hear Hanabi berate him for ruling with an iron fist. She was too young still to understand why he acted as such; why his father, grandfather and every head of the clan before him had acted as such. As a very young child, he had entertained the hope that she would make the great leader that Hinata could never be due to her lack of skill, but he realized now how wrong he had been. 

 

Hinata was far more level-headed and intelligent than Hanabi, though he was starting to question how proper she truly was. Seeing her down the hallway, glancing at him through dull and tired eyes with a polite smile forced on her lips did nothing to reinforce the idea. 

 

Fairly certain she had sacrificed sleep in order to wander the village and do what she did at night, Hiashi walked to her. “Good morning, Hinata.”

 

“Good morning, Father,” Hinata said, bowing just barely. 

 

Now that he had seen her, Hiashi knew he would find Ko in the same sleep-deprived state today. Though the boy was certainly too permissive, his loyalty was unwavering and there was no doubt in Hiashi’s mind that few other guards would so readily sacrifice life and limb for his daughter. Such devotion warranted turning a blind eye every now and then. 

 

“You look haggard,” Hiashi reprimanded, frowning deeply. “Take better care of yourself.”

 

“I apologize, Father,” she said quickly, a usual hint of red coloring her cheeks. “I will.”

 

Hiashi glanced down at her, his white eyes focusing on her stomach. For weeks now, he had been watching it, afraid to see it grow as Hatake’s student’s had. Hinata’s secret visiting of Hatake’s group was really no secret, in the end. Upon meeting her again when she had finally returned, it didn’t take him long to know what had transpired. He’d caught whispers of the Uchiha’s courting of his daughter long ago already. Ever since, Hiashi couldn’t miss the subtle changes in his daughter’s behavior -- or perhaps he was imagining them, but he couldn’t help it. 

 

Thankfully, Hinata showed no signs of pregnancy two months later. 

 

“Come have breakfast with me,” Hiashi said as he resumed his walk. 

 

“Yes, Father.”

 

...

 

Barely had he stepped foot in the village’s headquarters that he was already accosted by one of his supposed advisors. For the most part, the title was far too flattering for the band of unqualified grunts they were. Kato Shizune -- unlike the young girl who headed the agricultural division and spoke the loudest and shrillest -- was right at home in her position, similar as it was to her previous duties. Kato was one rare specimen of the women who survived and flourished in positions of power and influence, acting as their male counterparts without so much as an afterthought. If anything, Hiashi could only wish he had succeeded to groom his daughters to be as efficient and deadly power players as Tsunade and her shadow.

 

“Hokage-sama,” Shizune greeted with a polite bow, then quickly fell into pace at his side.

 

The brightest smile in the world couldn’t fool Hiashi into thinking this woman harbored anything but hatred for him. Regardless, her facade was admirable and the Nara would do well to learn from it. “It can wait until this morning’s report, Kato-san.”

 

“It cannot,” Shizune insisted, a deep frown on her smooth skin that emphasized the new wrinkles in her aging skin. “Three new cases of measles were registered this night. In this day and age, our children should not go blind from a preventable disease.”

 

“We’ve had this discussion already.” Hiashi hardened his face just as he did his resolve, determined to ignore the wailing of sick infants that never ceased in his mind. A parent himself, he was well acquainted with the helplessness one felt at the foot of their child’s crib as it cried in pain incessantly. “We cannot spare the time or manpower.”

 

“Three weeks and ten people, it’s all I need,” Shizune argued, insistent as she always about this issue. “The lab up north was built to sustain such disasters! I know for a fact that the vaccines and medicines stored there will still be viable.”

 

“Do I need to make myself clearer?” Hiashi halted his step to face Shizune, staring her down. 

 

Three weeks and ten people, she demanded, as if they came at no cost. They could accomplish so much more right here, in the village, for other productive adults that would in time multiply their resources rather than diminish them, as the children she so desperately wanted to save would.

 

Shizune faced him in the same manner, dull brown eyes ablaze with the same fire that had burned in Tsunade’s. “Perhaps Kazekage-sama will be more receptive to my cause, then.”

 

Hiashi balled his fists at his sides. Shizune never hesitated to play the game and force his hand, flashing just enough of the strings tied to her name to give him a glimpse of who he was really up against. In all aspects, Kato was a woman to be reckoned with. Just beautiful enough to manipulate about any man, but willingly not enough to draw attention; medical skills that she played up to draw merit from all five nations, but her genius for poison was hardly known outside of Konoha; discreet, yet connected to every major power in Konoha. As she had been Tsunade’s shadow, Shizune would stand behind the victor, ready to reap the spoils. 

 

Hiashi restarted walking. The other advisors were certainly waiting for him already to give their monthly reports of their parts of the camp. “You’ve recommended Kenshin-san as your successor, should any harm come to you, haven’t you?”

 

From the corner of his eye, Hiashi could see Shizune’s lips tighten in a thin line. “Yes, Hiashi-sama.”

 

Sufficiently cowed, Shizune followed right behind him. Perhaps he could not damage her ties, but he could certainly take the hospital from her with little more than a snap of his fingers. It was ridiculous that he -- head of the Hyuuga clan -- could only do so little. The words of a woman and a boy in the grave or a deserting man held more power than even his own, the Hokage’s.

 

Frown on his tired face, Hiashi opened the door, met by the faces of his advisors, the head of all the various departments.

 

Hatake’s presence followed him right into the depths of Konoha’s headquarters. Half the advisors present in the room had earned their position because of his advice to Tsunade. Not even his desertion had stripped him of admiration for longer than a week, or even his rape and impregnation of his student. Even hundreds of miles outside of Konoha, Kakashi still reigned supreme in their beloved village.

 

...

 

In the empty time between the meeting and other duties, Hiashi headed towards the cenotaph. It was a moment of peace he could cherish for a moment, undisturbed. Reports had been favorable for once, though still not promising. While food stores were accumulating slowly, lumber wasn’t. The construction of houses was using up the supplies faster than they could gather them -- and gathering them took longer and longer, as the treeline receded further and further away as they cut more trees. Winter would be harsh, Hiashi knew, but he pushed the dread to the back of his mind as the stone came into view.

 

Hiashi chuckled at himself. He had called Hatake a predictable man for visiting the cenotaph, yet he still found himself here too often as well. Though Hatake was most famous for his lengthy visits, what man their age didn’t come here too often? Hiashi had only started to frequent it in his thirties, though. One could say it was luck that allowed him to go so long without developing an affection for the stone. 

 

Back then, only Hizashi’s name brought him here. His brother’s sacrifice had been a noble one and he fully deserved the honor of having his name carved here. 

 

Today though, Hizashi wasn’t the only one Hiashi needed to pay his respects to anymore. Several Hyuuga names had been added after the war, but only one truly grasped at his heart. Himiko’s name wasn’t there, as she hadn’t been on active duty when she had died. Instead, he found Neji’s, his brother’s son. 

 

Hiashi closed his eyes, reciting a prayer in his mind. 

 

Since his brother’s death, Hiashi had vowed to himself to watch over Neji in Hizashi’s stead. The boy had developed wonderfully and often Hiashi wished he had been his own son. A strong man like him would be a fitting leader without the bitterness their cursed mark had instilled in him. But what good were dead leaders? Neji had died like his father, for the protection of the greater good, and Hiashi could be no prouder of him.

 

Hiashi opened his eyes again when a snowflake landed on his hand, pulling him out of his thoughts. Tired, he glanced up at the white sky to see more falling. It was only natural that snow would fall at this time of the year, but Hiashi dreaded it no less. The village wasn’t ready for the cold yet. 

 

Dragging a palm down his weary face, Hiashi breathed in deeply. There was always more work to do, more choices to make, more sacrifices to make. Whichever way he chose, death was never far. A bitter smile tugged at his lips and he huffed. He had chosen to leave Himiko home to keep her safe; she had died along with the village under the tailed beast’s attack. Neji, he had brought with him to the battlefield to keep an eye on along with his daughters -- being on active duty, they weren’t allowed to avoid it, after all -- yet he couldn’t prevent him from dying either. One way or another, he was powerless to it at all.

 

With another deep breath, Hiashi turned on his heel and headed for the center of the village where the day’s work awaited him. 

 

...

 

Hiashi shut the door behind him once he’d entered his office, ready to drown himself in the morning’s work. He walked to his chair, breathing in deeply.

 

“Hokage-sama!” Arata called loudly from outside Hiashi’s office. “Urgent matters demand your attention!”

 

Frowning, Hiashi sat down in his chair. “Come in.”

 

When the door burst open and Arata and two more guards each dragged inside uncooperative men along with them, Hiashi immediately stood. Urgent matters lately had mostly meant yet another sickness or a work accident, which were hardly worth his time. This, though, was clearly different, as Hiashi was quick to recognize Yamato, who had oddly been absent from this morning's meeting.

 

“What is this?” Hiashi roared, slamming his hands down on his desk.

 

Arata stepped forward, twisting a large man’s arm further behind his back to force him to follow. “We interrupted a fight in Rock district, between Yamato-san and this man,” Arata explained as he nodded towards the third captive, “who Yamato-san claims is part of the Kizanu.”

 

“Is this true?” Hiashi said, swallowing his rage before it could control him. The Kizanu was nothing worth mentioning. A dirty grunt that like he saw hundreds of everyday. “You are part of the Kizanu?”

 

“Of course not!” the large man cried, struggling against Arata’s grip. “He’s a customer of mine, from Rock. I can vouch for him!”

 

“Vouch for him?!” Yamato spat, unusually aggressive for his complacent self. “Who do you think you are?”

 

“Silence!” Hiashi roared before it could escalate any further. 

 

Yamato’s jaw tightened, but he obeyed, falling quiet. 

 

“On what ground does your accusation stand, Yamato-san?” Hiashi stepped from behind his desk to stand in front of Yamato, pushed to his knees by the guard that held him back. 

 

“I recognize him,” Yamato said, avoiding Hiashi’s eyes to stare at the floor instead. “During the war, we were in the same platoon. He recognized me as well and attacked without warning.”

 

“What about this man?” Hiashi added, gesturing towards the large man. “How is he involved?”

 

“He’s -- “

 

“Yamato-san accuses him of treason,” Aratta interrupted, “for dealing with the Kizanu behind Konoha’s back.”

 

“Yamato-san!” 

 

At the sound of Hinata’s voice, Hiashi’s eyes moved straight to her. Hinata shrank under his gaze, but slowed her pace no less until she stood before him, Ko at her heel.

 

“Please, Arata,” she said sheepishly, “let go of Goro-san and Yamato-san. I will handle this. Take the prisoner somewhere else for now.”

 

To Hiashi’s surprise, Arata and the other guard obeyed. 

 

“Are you alright, Yamato-san?” Hinata asked, gentle as ever, as she stepped closer to him, hands fidgeting at her chest. “I’m sorry -- I got here as soon as I was told what happened.”

 

“How are you involved in this?” Hiashi ground out, grabbing Hinata’s wrist to force her to look at him. 

 

“I -- I -- “ Hinata swallowed, dipping her chin lower to hide her face the best she could. “I’m not, I was just told…”

 

“Do you think I don’t know what you do at night?” Hiashi’s heart hammered against his chest and he grit his teeth, furious that his daughter couldn’t hide her involvement in such activities better. “I let you play your little game, but I see I was wrong to think you could manage even this on your own! You should know better, Hinata, you -- “

 

The words were lost in his throat when Ko’s hand grabbed his wrist and forced his hand away from his Hinata's arm. “Please do not speak to Hinata-sama this way, Hokage-sama.”

 

Behind Ko, Hiashi could see his daughter on the verge of tears. 

 

Hiashi breathed in deeply and shook Ko’s hand away. This would be a matter to deal with in private, later. 

 

“Yamato-san,” Hiashi said, turning to Yamato in order to regain his cool. “Explain yourself.”

 

“I was informed of illegal activities in Rock district, so I investigated,” Yamato answered, standing to full height. “This man,” Yamato pointed to Goro, “has been extorting other civilians with lies. He deals with the Kizanu for his own benefit.”

 

“I-I can attest to Goro’s inexplicable wealth in such circumstances,” Hinata whispered, avoiding everyone’s eyes on her. “I have dealt with him in the past. He is not an honest man.” 

 

“So now hearsay is evidence?” Goro scoffed. “I did no such thing!”

 

“By whom were you informed?” Hiashi asked, turning to Yamato once more.

 

“Civilians in Waterfal district,” Yamato said quickly. “They have information we failed to gather -- “

 

“That you failed to gather,” Hiashi interrupted. “Once you acquired such precious knowledge, you decided to take matters into your own hands rather than inform your Hokage?”

 

“I -- That’s not what I meant to happen,” Yamato answered clumsily, clearly holding more information back from him. “I didn’t think I would come face to face with a Kizanu right then and there.”

 

“You avoid the question,” Hiashi said, frowning deeper. “Who informed you?”

 

“Father,” Hinata let out, daring to look up at him. “Please, Yamato is not at fault here.”

 

Hiashi remained silent for a moment. Yamato had clearly and blatantly disrespected protocol, yet he was defended. Such an offense could warrant immediate demotion in their world, yet he was defended. His refusal to reveal his source would certainly warrant a second demotion. Had it been anyone else, Hiashi would not have hesitated. Now, although Hiashi did not doubt the validity of such a decision, he hesitated to act. Hesitated because of the reach of a man not even within the walls of the village. A man child who had succumbed to a child and followed her every whim even through desertion. 

 

It was despicable, to be at the mercy of such enemies. Hatake’s word was obeyed blindly because he had been the village’s pet for as long as they could remember. A hero of war they all adored. Such petty things should not earn respect up to par with the Hokage, yet they did. Just like Hiashi could not erase every remnant of the beloved Tsunade’s reign, he could not touch Hatake’s puppets so easily.

 

“Tell me everything,” Hiashi demanded, glaring at Hinata. “You’ve kept far too much from your Hokage.”

 

Ko glanced at Hinata, ready to act for her as the lapdog he always was.

 

“Haru, please take Goro-san away,” Hinata asked the other guard.

 

Like the other, he obeyed without question.

 

“Father,” Hinata said, her voice so small Hiashi could barely hear it. “There is a lot happening in the village that doesn’t reach you. I didn’t mean to go behind your back, but I had no choice -- “

 

“Don’t try to excuse your actions,” Hiashi spat. “Were you not my daughter, you would be executed for treason as well.”

 

Hinata shut her eyes, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “I have taken part in the citizens’ black market, introducing new merchandise that I purposely did not report. I meant no harm -- I only tried to give everyone what they needed. In doing so, I discovered many things were escaping our knowledge…”

 

“Such as?” 

 

Hinata turned to Yamato, red to the tips of her ears. Yamato heaved a sigh, but answered with better composure. “Citizens, especially the poorer folks of Waterfall, have been taking part in activities we deemed illegal in order to make a living. Prostitution and distribution of alcohol and drugs, for example.”

 

“I see you didn’t see it fit to inform me of this either.” Hiashi crossed his arms behind his back, deliberately keeping his voice level, hiding the anger that boiled within him. 

 

Tsunade never had to fear such disrespect. Neither did Hatake. All because of a petty affection by the people. 

 

“I felt it was harmless,” Yamato defended. “They are doing what they can to survive.”

 

“You are hiding more,” Hiashi said. Hinata was still staring at the floor, fidgeting. “Speak.”

 

Nervous, Hinata threw a look in Ko’s direction, as if searching for his support. It took no more than a seal and a small burst of chakra from Hiashi to have Ko cry out in pain and cradle his head, crumbling to his knees. Hinata gasped and reached for him. 

 

“Father!” 

 

“Speak.”

 

“Kazekage-sama has been taxing the Waterfall district in exchange for services and protection, that’s all I know about it!" Hinata cried out, gripping the sleeve of Ko’s shirt.

 

“That much is true,” Yamato said quickly, suddenly uneasy. “I have heard of it as well. I believe I know more than your daughter at this point. It’s pointless to ask her more questions.”

 

“Is that so?” Hiashi said as he turned to Yamato. “Then please share your knowledge.”

 

“I haven’t been personally involved for long -- I wanted to confirm my suspicions first.” Yamato’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “Waterfall has agreed to such measures because of the pressure from the Kizanu. They are aware we do not form one cohesive unit at this point and have exploited this weakness. The fire that destroyed Waterfall was caused by them, as we suspected, but it was because Waterfall refused to cooperate with them. The help Kazekage-sama has offered has been going to great lengths there since then. On the other hand, Rock was intimidated into cooperating. It is because of them that we have had supplies go missing and people as well.”

 

“That’s enough,” Hiashi said. “Out of my sight.”

 

Though hesitantly, they obeyed. 

 

Before Ko could cross the threshold of the door, Hiashi spoke again. “Not you, Ko. Stay here.”

 

Hinata reached for Ko’s sleeve once more, but Ko only flashed her a quiet, dismissive smile, and she left reluctantly. 

 

Once the door was closed and Ko stood straight before him, Hiashi stepped forward. “You allowed my daughter to be involved in such dangerous and illegal activities.”

 

With Hinata out of the way, Ko showed his true colors. He stood stiff, hands tangled behind his back and sweat beading on his skin. Close as he was, Hiashi could hear Ko breathe raggedly through his nose, his jaw too tight to allow air in through his mouth. 

 

“Do you have nothing to say for yourself?”

 

Ko swallowed, unsure. “Hinata-sama has been doing great work.”

 

“Great work that undermines your clan leader’s work,” Hiashi clarified. “Not to mention your Hokage’s.”

 

“I never allowed harm to come to her,” Ko added in pitiful defense. “As was my duty.”

 

“Yes, you certainly fulfilled your duties when you allowed Uchiha to have his way with her.” Hiashi didn’t tear his eyes from Ko’s face. Though Ko hid it from the world, Hiashi didn’t miss it. The pain that flashed in Ko’s eyes from such a simple statement. “I’m certain people would love her so very much if they knew she had been bedded by a traitor.”

 

Ko’s eyes fluttered shut, but he didn’t dare say a word.

 

“You’re fired.”

 

“What?” Ko gasped, eyes flying open. “It is my life’s duty to -- “

 

“I will find a suitable replacement,” Hiashi said, waving his hand dismissively. “It will not be hard to find someone with better morals than yourself.”

 

Ko deflated with the breath he expelled, suddenly looking much like the boy Hiashi remembered assigning to protect his first daughter. 

 

“I’m ashamed to say I once considered you a candidate to wed my daughter,” Hiashi scoffed, stepping away from Ko to go open the door. “What a fool I was. Leave, now.”

 

...

 

“You summoned me, Hokage-sama?” Gaara said as he was led inside Hiashi’s office.

 

Hiashi nodded and reclined in his chair, gesturing for Gaara to sit down across from him. “Yes, I have urgent matters to discuss with you.”

 

Gaara sat in silence, his blue eyes as icy as Hiashi remembered them. Most interesting was that his demeanor was just the same -- a far cry from the boy Hiashi had witnessed in the chuunin exams and during the war. Times had hardened him greatly and shaped him into a true leader.

 

“I have heard rumors you have been taxing Waterfal district.”

 

Behind their light color, Gaara’s eyes were calculating and he needed no more than a split second to come to a decision. “You have heard right.”

 

“End this nonsense immediately, Gaara,” Hiashi said, shaking his head. “You have no such right here.”

 

“I am the Kazekage,” Gaara cut in quickly. “I expend you such respect, it is only natural for you to reciprocate. I have heard of what a man of proper manners you are.”

 

Hiashi frowned. A mere boy chastising him, how ludicrous. “Of course, Kazekage-san.”

 

“As for my actions…” Gaara crossed his hands in his lap, unwavering. “I’m afraid I will not heed your advice.”

 

“You will not?” Hiashi frowned again, though this time he was truly surprised. Gaara had been nothing but cooperative up to now, eager to help the village that had taken him in. But perhaps that courtesy, too, only extended to Tsunade and her entourage. “You do not make the laws here.”

 

“I do not make the laws of Konoha, that is true,” Gaara said calmly. “I make no such pretense. I do make the laws of my own nation, though. Waterfall is not your country to control, either.”

 

“How arrogant,” Hiashi scoffed. “Konoha has taken you all in, protected you. Is this how you repay us?”

 

“We all work to pay our debt,” Gaara answered, frowning. “The courtesy ends there. With all due respect, Hokage-sama, you have done your best to break the districts into different entities rather than meld them into one village. I am only caring for my people the way you care for yours.”

 

Hiashi swallowed and grit his teeth for a moment, holding Gaara’s stony gaze. “Nonsense,” he finally said. “You are in Konoha and a citizen of Konoha, so you will act as such or face the consequences.”

 

“Are you proposing war, Hokage-sama?” Gaara’s eyebrows shot up, but he was in no way surprised. “Must I remind you how fragile this village currently is?”

 

“Perhaps you need to be reminded, instead.” Hiashi sat straighter, tangling his hands together. “Suna is barely half the size of Konoha’s surviving military.”

 

“Yes,” Gaara said, nodding. “We have half the military you currently do. Can you vouch for your shinobi’s loyalty? I am sure they would be eager to break a peace treaty signed such a short time ago by Naruto and Tsunade themselves.”

 

Again, Hiashi grit his teeth, chained down by people in the grave. 

 

“You would be doing yourself a great disservice, Hokage-sama,” Gaara continued. “There have been enough casualties, don’t you think?” When Hiashi didn’t answer, Gaara added, “Also -- since I’m fairly certain this meeting means more has come to light -- I would advise against retaliation against Waterfall district.”

 

Hiashi scoffed. “So you claim Waterfall as your own, as well?”

 

“No.” Gaara shook his head. “I am merely protecting an investment and the innocent.”

 

“How I deal with Waterfall’s treason has little to do with you,” Hiashi said, reclining in his chair again.

 

“I would argue the opposite,” Gaara said, a small smile on his pale lips. “The Nara clan certainly agrees with my position.”

 

For a moment, they didn’t move, simply staring each other down. 

 

“I will allow your dealings with Waterfall,” Hiashi said flippantly. “You are dismissed.”

 

“Of course,” Gaara said as he stood and bowed. “You have my sincerest gratitude, Hokage-sama.”

 

...

 

Now that Rock’s dealings had come to light, Hiashi lost no time in reacting to them. Konoha was as unstable as the podium Hiashi currently stood on -- haphazardly put together in the smallest lapse of time possible due to necessity. As Hokage, it was Hiashi’s duty to do everything in his power to stabilize it. Eliminating Konoha’s enemies was the only route to take.

 

“I stand before you today with a grim announcement.” Hiashi’s voice boomed through the empty air to the crowd that had formed before the podium he stood on. “Residents of Rock have committed high treason against Konoha.”

 

The crowd burst into loud whispers and gasps of shock. Behind Hiashi, Hinata remained quiet, as was expected. Some of the advisors did as well and Hiashi would remember them well. Shizune, Shikamaru and Yamato. Yamanaka, on the other hand, was unexpectedly shocked. It seemed Shikamaru kept his teammates out of his scheming.

 

“This man,” Hiashi said as he pointed to Goro, forced to his knees, “has been found to be guilty of selling information regarding the security of our village. He is the reason food has been stolen from our mouths and clothes from our back.”

 

Predictably, the crowd erupted into angry murmurs. 

 

“As such, he will be executed for his treason.” Hiashi took a moment to scan the crowd. They all looked up to him with anger, fear or both. “He shall be an example for the other citizens of Rock district. Konoha will  not take this matter lightly. He will not be the last to be executed.”

 

Hiashi stepped aside to allow Arata to take his place as executioner. At his side, Hiashi didn’t miss the alarmed glances his advisors threw each other, save for Hinata. As head of patrol, she led the village’s internal and external defense. She had been well informed of her troops' duty in the coming weeks. 

 

As Arata lowered his Kunai to Goro’s throat, Hiashi stood besides Shizune and laid a heavy palm on her shoulder. Shizune reacted neither to this nor Goro’s panicked screams. “You are cleared of your duties as head of medicine. Kenshin will take your place starting immediately.”

 

Shizune didn’t speak, but he could feel her tense under his hand. One by one, he would take their pawns away until he forced them into a checkmate.

 

Goro let loose one last howl as his throat was slit open, splashing the planks of the podium with waves of blood.

 

Once he dropped dead, Hiashi stepped forward again. “Konoha has had the graciousness of taking the citizens of other countries in the safety of its walls. Do not be ungrateful for it.”

 

Hiashi climbed down the steps of the podium and headed towards the estate. The sun was high in the sky already and there were no further duties to accomplish so late. Hinata followed at his heel, silent as she had been since he had wrung the truth from her. Arata and more guards followed them for the long trek. 

 

...

 

Once his guards left his side, Hiashi sighed and loosened the obi tied around his waist. Days were long and hard with little repose since the war, and it was wearing on an old man like himself. Though shinobi training kept them healthy and strong, even it couldn’t repel the effects of aging forever. His bed called for him, and Hiashi could only hope to rest peacefully for a few hours, perhaps wake to the sweet memories of his wife.

 

“I heard you fired Shizune.”

 

Instinctively, Hiashi fell into battle stance. Shikamaru stepped out of the shadows, his arrogant smirk plastered on his lips. “How dare you come into my home without being invited!”

 

“Your home?” Shikamaru chuckled, glancing affectionately at the walls that surrounded them. “How arrogant.”

 

Too late, Hiashi realized that this was the Nara estate. “State your business.”

 

Shikamaru leaned back against the wall, shrouding his face in darkness again, true to his clan’s affinity. “You’re being rash, Hiashi-sama. As your advisor, I am here to advise against taking this route.”

 

“If that is all you have to say, then take your leave.” Hiashi stood straight again, though he could still feel every hair on his body on edge. The boy had every advantage in battle here. 

 

“I’m not quite done,” Shikamaru let out, annoyance evident at being dismissed so easily. “You have fired Shizune, correct?”

 

“Yes.” Hiashi nodded. 

 

“You plan to fire Yamato as well, do you not?” Shikamaru’s voice was steady as it always, full with the arrogance of a boy too smart for his age. 

 

“It is none of your business.” It was true; Yamato would be fired tomorrow, though not trialed for withholding information. “Now leave.”

 

“News really reach you at a snail’s pace, I see,” Shikamaru said, crossing his arms over his chest as he sighed. “You should know that Yamato can once again make use of his wood chakra. It would be unwise to fire such a useful man.”

 

“He’s… what?” Hiashi’s jaw dropped, much to his dislike. It was amazing news, though delivered in a terrible package. “I will need to see this for myself.”

 

“Of course, of course,” Shikamaru said quickly. “I know what you’re trying to do,” Shikamaru added, once more stepping out of the shadows to stand face to face with Hiashi. “I advise against it. For the good of Konoha.”

 

“What do you know of the good of Konoha?” Hiashi spat, feeling the wrinkles in his face deepen as he frowned. “You are but a boy.”

 

“I don’t pretend to have a perfect solution,” Shikamaru answered, shoving his hands in his pockets. “But I will not allow Konoha to succumb to a man who cannot see past his own nose. I do believe you try to act in Konoha’s best interest; I had no intention of interfering with your decisions. Now, you’ve chosen to make this about your own power. I cannot accept this.”

 

“Do you not care for the welfare of your own clan?” Hiashi asked, scoffing. “You are no better than I am. Were you in my position, you would favor them as well.”

 

Shikamaru shook his head. “If I were anything like you, I would already be Hokage. Your title stands on nothing. Nothing but the slander of a better leader than yourself.”

 

“And what does  his merit stand on?” Hiashi balled his fists at his side, suffocating with the shadows that shrouded the room. “Medals of honor from war, the rape of his subordinate?”

 

“Of course you would be blind to this.” Shikamaru chuckled and scratched his head. “Konoha will give its heart for Kakashi because Kakashi has given heart, soul and life for it.”

 

“How can you say such a thing when he has abandoned Konoha -- “

 

“Kakashi has not abandoned Konoha. Neither have Sakura or the others. That’s not the Will of Fire. They will always protect it. Is it so much to ask to give rest to a man who has given everything already? What more did he have to give?”

 

Hiashi fell silent. Hatake had no better qualifications than any of them to lead a village in reconstruction. All his skills were in battle. He was of no use anymore. Like many of them, he had lost everything once, then twice again. 

 

“Nobody will take Konoha from you if you don’t take it from them.” Shikamaru stepped back into the darkness, slipping away quietly. “Don’t push your luck.”

 

...

 

Hiashi knew the sun would begin to rise soon enough, yet he could he not shut his eyes. For hours, he had stared at the blackness of the ceiling, his mind a blank void. It was easy to see his old life replaying in that dark screen, showing him memories of happier and easier times where his only concerns were his family and clan. Easy days that came and went effortlessly, so far behind him now. 

 

With a sigh, Hiashi stood and left his bedroom. There was no comfort to be found in it. Instead, he wandered the hallways mindlessly. Months later, they remained unfamiliar to him. With his path impossible to make out in night’s darkness, it was little more than a hopeless maze. Regardless, Hiashi put one foot in front of the other and walked. Walking would clear his mind, perhaps.

 

Hushed whispers pulled him out of his stupor and he was pulled aside. Frowning, he looked down to find Hanabi grabbing his arm and placing a finger to her lips, signaling to be silent. Frowning deeper, Hiashi peered down the hall, barely able to make out Hinata and Ko’s silhouettes. Immediately, rage regained him and he tried to step closer, but Hanabi held him back.

 

“Ko-kun,” Hinata pleaded, catching the back of Ko’s shirt when he tried to leave. “Wait.”

 

“What is it, Hinata-sama?” Ko said, his tone cold and nothing like him.

 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Hinata whispered desperately, tears streaming down her cheeks. Hiashi felt bile beginning to rise in the back of his throat, feeling his heart reaching for her own broken heart. “What have I done?”

 

“Nothing, Hinata-sama,” Ko tried to soothe, gently prying her hands from his shirt. “I was relieved of my bodyguard duties, that is all.”

 

“That can’t be all,” Hinata said brokenly, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. “Did you really like me so little as to want me out of your life if I was not your duty?”

 

“Hinata-sama…”

 

“Tell me I am wrong, Ko-kun,” Hinata cried. “Please.”

 

“Hinata-sama, please don’t cry…” Ko whispered calmly, though Hiashi could see his own eyes beginning to water. “I was only your guard, don’t shed such tears for me.”

 

“You were not only my guard!” Hinata countered, taking a step forward only for Ko to take one back. “You were my friend. My best friend, my…”

 

Ko’s hesitant fingers reached for her cheek, but he pulled them away before he could touch her. “You were my friend, too, Hinata-sama. It’s not like that. Please believe me.”

 

“Then what did I do?” Hinata whispered, lowering her head to stare at the floor. When Ko failed to answer quickly enough, she looked up to him again, afraid and desperate. “Don’t leave me alone, Ko-kun. Please don’t do this!”

 

At the sight of her, Ko’s own face scrunched up and he couldn’t stop himself from crying either. He reached for Hinata, leaning down to take her fully into his embrace. Hinata returned it clumsily, gripping at his shirt to prevent him from leaving if he was so inclined to try again. 

 

“Forgive me, Hinata-sama,” he whispered, pulling away just enough to untie his headband and let it fall to the floor with a loud clang. He pressed his fingers to his curse mark, shutting his eyes as more tears overwhelmed him. “I have no choice. Please forgive me.”

 

Hinata’s eyes widened and her mouth slowly fell open. “It’s all my fault.”

 

“Do not worry about it, Hinata-sama,” Ko comforted, a forced smile on his lips. “I brought this upon myself.”

 

Hiashi’s heart constricted in his chest so hard he entertained the idea he might just be having a heart attack. Before he could hear more of his daughter’s secret conversation, Hanabi pulled him away and into another room where they could no longer intrude.

 

“I hope you’re happy,” Hanabi said. 

 

“Why would you think such a thing?” Hiashi frowned, reaching down to cup his daughter’s cheek in his hand, but she only batted it away. “I fight for you two and the clan every day. I only want you to thrive.”

 

“Look at the results,” Hanabi spat, crossing her arms over her chest. “You fired him!”

 

“He exposed Hinata to unnecessary danger,” Hiashi defended, feeling his anger rise again. However much Ko might care for Hinata, it did not change the truth of his actions. “He let her get involved in everything she shouldn’t have partaken in.”

 

“Have you ever thought that he let her because if he didn’t, she would do it without him?” Hanabi growled, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “Look at yourself! You are forcing your own daughter to create a black market to work against her own father!”

 

“I did no such thing,” Hiashi countered, not so emotional anymore. “I did what I must so Konoha would survive. So the clan would survive.”

 

“Do you really think this matters anymore?” Hanabi screeched, struggling to keep her voice in check. “Do you think this is what the war taught us? To care only for ourselves?”

 

“I am not leaving the others to die -- “

 

“No, but you aren’t giving them a fair chance,” Hanabi said immediately. “We all fought together to save our world, not just our own ass. Everyone out there deserves an equal chance at survival, not just us.”

 

“How can you blame me for putting our clan -- our family -- first?” Hiashi frowned, truly at a loss. He did everything he could for his people.

 

“And those same people turn their backs on you to follow Hinata instead!” Hanabi was right, and he knew it. He had seen it for a while now, and it only became more obvious now. Hinata had been using the clan to do her bidding and none had reported to him. Any involved deferred to Hinata because she was caring. “Don’t you see how wrong you are?”

 

“I will always put you first.” On this much, Hiashi could not change his mind. He could blame no other father for caring for their child before all. “I could not stand to watch you suffer like that.”

 

“Then you will reap what you sow, Father.”

 

...

 

“Pleaser, Father, no!” Hinata begged as she held onto Hiashi’s arm, forcing his pace to slow to a crawl. “You can’t do this!”

 

“You will understand, one day,” Hiashi placated as he wrestled his arm free. Thankfully, the halls were empty today and no one was there to witness Hinata’s breakdown. “I must do this.”

 

“But Sato is innocent!” Hinata stumbled back when he broke free, only to come charging back again by grabbing the back of his shirt. “I know he is! This isn’t right!”

 

“He is Goro’s son,” Hiashi said, turning around to grab Hinata’s shoulder, staring directly into her eyes. “He pays the price for his father’s crimes. It is how it is. I  must do this.”

 

“No you mustn’t!” Hinata wailed, burying her face in her hands. “This is already the tenth execution, how many more will it take?”

 

“As many as there are culprits, Hinata,” Hiashi said, but he wished for nothing more than relief from the faces that haunted his nightmares. Still, there was more work to be done, as Rock refused to settle down after being exposed. They had grown accustomed to their favored treatment and would fight not to lose the privilege. Innocent or not, every execution demotivated them back into complacency. “I must do this. To keep the village safe and running. Understand this, my daughter.”

 

“This is ridiculous!” Hinata cried out, pounding her fists against Hiashi’s chest. “This is cruel! He had nothing to do with it!”

 

“ Life is cruel, Hinata.” Hiashi took her hands in his much larger ones, stopping her movement with little effort. Though his voice was stern, Hiashi’s resolve crumbled with every tear she shed. Protecting her and Hanabi would always be his first priority, but seeing her in such a state over it made it hard to remember his priorities. Without a safe village, they had  nothing . “Learn this lesson now.”

 

“ You are cruel, Father!” Hinata wailed, struggling to pull away from him as he if bore the plague from Cloud. “You are and you cannot even see it! It makes me sick to my stomach!”

 

“You will be, too,” Hiashi said, refusing to let her go. For if he let her go, would she ever come back? “You will be, because you want to survive. Because you want your sister to survive. Like you take an animal’s life to survive one more day on its flesh, you will let someone die for your own benefit. Would you really hesitate to save Ko’s life over a single child’s? He is more important to you, you cannot lie.”

 

Hinata’s eyes widened into an expression Hiashi could only hope he would never see on her face again after this day; one of fear and disgust, of self-loathing because she could not deny she could not give up her loved ones, just as he couldn’t. A look born of the horror of being anything like her father. But Hiashi knew she was nothing like him. One day, she would find some meaning into his words, and she would make a powerful leader to their clan. Until then, his duty was to give life and limb to make it happen.

 

“I must eliminate threats to Konoha’s safety,” Hiashi said, softer. “Because I love you. And Hanabi. You come first. Then the clan. Then Konoha. Konoha’s safety is your safety now. I have no choice.”

 

“You’re wrong, Father,” Hinata whispered, though she lost all energy to fight him. 

 

As Hiashi headed outside to step once more on that bloodied podium, Hiashi could feel her eyes burning holes in his back, but he could not back down. Forever, she might hate him, but he would fulfill his promise to put his daughters first and foremost. To keep them safe and fed without a doubt, he had to do this. To remain Hokage and the only authority of the village. He could not allow any competition to thrive.

 

…

 

Hiashi dropped down into the chair of his office, wishing for nothing more than quiet. To forget the red color that flooded his vision with each execution, each kill, and see nothing but ivory. To drown in the bliss of mornings where there was nothing else -- where he could never wake up and remain in that blurry state where he was simply comfortable. But duty called and he could not ignore it. 

 

“How could you?!” Shikamaru snarled as he stormed into his office, leaning down to smash a heavy fist into Hiashi’s desk. “Hinata said he was innocent!”

 

“This is none of your business.” Hiashi sighed, dragging a palm down his tired face. “Leave.”

 

“I will not leave!” Shikamaru shouted. For a moment, Hiashi couldn’t help but wonder where the boy suddenly found such a loud voice, apathetic as he always was. “Not when you take the lives of my comrades!”

 

“They are not your comrades,” Hiashi corrected quickly. “They are Rock citizens -- Rock, the country who has already betrayed us before. Haven’t you had enough of their betrayal?”

 

“I’ve had enough of death!” Tears welled in Shikamaru’s eyes and dripped down his cheeks faster than Hiashi could keep up with. “The Hokage should protect us, not cause even more of it!”

 

“And what have  you  done to prevent more deaths?” Hiashi spat. “You bring no food, no water and no shelter. What good are  you ? Nothing more than a bratty child!”

 

“That’s not true!” Shikamaru protested, his voice breaking. Still, he did not lower the volume of his voice, and Hiashi was certain it carried down the halls to many curious ears. “I saved children from starving by your fault!”

 

“So noble,” Hiashi chuckled. 

 

“I did,” Shikamaru said, wiping his cheeks. “I did because  you would not feed them! I hid death reports so they would not be taken from the rations’ list and distributed their rations so  more children wouldn’t die! How is that not saving a life?”

 

For a moment, Hiashi was struck into silence. He had known Shikamaru to be the kind to work from the shadows and use such underhanded tactics, of course, but no such thing had come to his attention yet. Certainly, Hinata would have been aware of this. It shouldn’t be such a surprise to him that Hinata would still keep secrets from him. 

 

“Are you admitting to committing fraud and stealing precious resources from your village, Nara Shikamaru?” Hiashi said lowly, standing from his chair. 

 

“You knew about this,” Shikamaru scoffed. “Hinata gave away the whole plan I put together. She just happened to stumble on it.”

 

Hiashi could hardly contain his laughter. “The black market and this were entirely your plans?”

 

“Of course they were!” Shikamaru shouted. “Did you think Hinata was smart enough to do this? Of course it was me!”

 

And Shikamaru handed it to him on a silver platter, no less. “Nara Shikamaru, you are now a traitor of Konoha. You will be executed as such.”

 

“What?” Shikamaru let out, frowning. “You were already aware of such plans; Hinata revealed them to you.”

 

“Not your involvement, she didn’t.”

 

Shikamaru’s eyes went wide and he now realized his mistake far too late. Shikamaru was no more than a boy, no matter how intelligent he proved himself to be. Boys were foolish and rash. Boys made the most ridiculous mistakes and were caught red-handed in the cookie jar. 

 

“Your execution will take place tomorrow.”


	29. A Song for Him

"Sakura!"

 

Sasuke's scream was terrified, desperation coloring it.  He fell to his knees, palms to his eyes, blood leaking from beneath to drip off his chin.

 

"Make it stop!"

 

Sakura kneeled down in front of Sasuke, calmly pulling his hands away from his face.  "Let me see."

 

The blood profusely spilling from Sasuke's eye sockets did not phase her.  Nothing did, it seemed to Kakashi, as he watched her determinedly press glowing green fingers to Sasuke's face -- nothing, that was, except the squalling baby she had dumped in Kakashi's arms.

 

Kakashi bobbled the baby, but he was inconsolable, of course.  He was a frightful sight, toothless mouth wide and screaming, face red from both exertion and men's smeared blood.  Though it was a fruitless effort, Kakashi attempted to wipe the gore from his son's face and pick it from his downy white hair, stained pink in places now.  The irony did not escape Kakashi, but he chose to focus on the fact that his son was alive instead of the scene playing out before him.

 

Sakura was not succeeding, he could tell by the tense set of her shoulders.

 

"Sasuke-kun," she said, quiet and pained.  "I-I can't..."

 

"Sakura!"

 

When Sasuke screamed her name again, it rose the hairs on the back of Kakashi's neck.  Sasuke's voice carried with it all the agony of his childhood but also the dark, crackling energy of the demon he'd just unleashed on the Kizanu.

 

If Sasuke's eyes -- the things he'd staked his life on, gambled away his humanity and morals for -- were truly gone, would he be able to control the demons, like Susano'o, that lived inside him?

 

Sasuke's fist raised as if to strike Sakura, but she didn't move away, only flinched slightly.  Kakashi met Suigetsu's eyes next to him, who swore under his breath and dropped into a preparatory stance along with Juugo and Sai.

 

But before they could formulate a plan, Sasuke's fist fell harmlessly to the ground, cracking the earth upon impact but no more.  Sasuke opened his bloodshot eyes, recoiling when he saw their battle-ready bodies -- or Kakashi assumed he saw them, for one iris was unnaturally pale, its light doused.

 

Sakura shot a reproachful glance over her shoulder and then turned back to Sasuke, cupping his bloody cheeks.  "Sasuke-kun," she pled.  "Sasuke-kun."

 

"Sakura," Sasuke said again, quiet this time but still plaintive, begging her for something she could not give.  He rested his forehead against hers, still limp with disbelief.

 

"I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun."  Sakura took Sasuke into her arms.  "I'm sorry."

 

Did Sasuke regret sacrificing an eye for these huddled villagers who were too terrified of him to move?  Somehow, it was a sight Kakashi never thought he would see, just as much as he'd never thought Sasuke would kill Naruto.

 

Juugo broke the stillness, walking stiffly to Rika's prone body.  Everyone gave it a wide berth, but Juugo dropped to his knees in front of the corpse, ignoring the pooling blood as he pulled her into an embrace, rocking back and forth.  He wasn't screaming, wasn't turning grey, wasn't angry.  His face as he laid it to Rika's matted hair was only empty.

 

In truth, Rika had died with Makoto.  Everyone knew it already.

 

Suigetsu approached Juugo, leaning close to his ear.  "I'll go get Katashi.  Do you want him to see this?"

 

Juugo nodded minutely.  "He should get to say goodbye.  He'll be hiding --"

 

"Under the bed.  I know."  Suigetsu squeezed Juugo's shoulder and disappeared into his house.

 

Everyone else cleared out to give them their privacy.  Juugo picked up Rika's body easily as Suigetsu returned, wailing Katashi in tow.  They walked slowly towards the forest, where Makoto was buried.

 

Sasuke struggled to his feet, ignoring Sakura's protests.  He stumbled after his teammates, propping himself up on a house's stilt he nearly fell against, his path zig zagging.

 

Suigetsu jogged back to him and shoved a shoulder under his arm, helping Sasuke walk straight without a word.

 

Sakura returned to Kakashi's side, looking up at him with apprehension.  He nodded, and they followed after Sasuke, Sai straggling along after them.  They were a team now.  They would bury Rika together.

 

...

 

The morning began like any other -- with a crying baby.  Sakura lay there, arms rigid, fisting her hands in the covers, just listening to it.

 

Morning was a deceptive word, of course, as they'd been asleep only a few hours, but this would continue off and on until the sun rose.

 

Just before Kakashi was forced to say something, Sakura dragged herself out of bed.  She lifted the baby out of the crib and settled him against her bare breast as she had so many times before, but he just kept crying.

 

She sniffed his cloth diaper, but it seemed to be clean.  Baffled, she placed her chapped nipple into his mouth, but he spit it out.

 

"I know you're hungry!" Sakura said angrily, scowling.   "You're always hungry.  So why don't you eat?"

 

Kakashi watched his wife interact with his child, as he always did, with unease swimming in the pit of his stomach.

 

"Why don't you just shut up if you don't want anything from me?" Sakura said to the baby, frustrated tears welling at the corners of her eyes.  "I can't keep doing this!"

 

Kakashi got up and hurried over to them, but when he tried to take the baby, Sakura yanked away.

 

"He still has to eat.  Are  you going to feed him?"  She glared up at Kakashi, fighting a pout.  "You told me once you would."

 

Kakashi stood there helplessly.  "You know I can't, Sakura."

 

"That's right.  So you don't know how it is."  She turned away from, looking back down at the baby, trying to get him to latch onto her breast.  "You can stop looking at me like that any time now.  I'm  tired ."

 

"I'm tired, too, Sakura."  Kakashi shifted his weight from foot to foot as she began to cry almost as much as the baby.

 

"Are you really?  When you get to leave?  You'll go fishing soon, won't you, and have a little time to hear your own thoughts inside your own head without this thing screaming at you --"

 

"He's our baby, Sakura!" Kakashi said, resisting the urge to shake her by the shoulders.  "Not a thing.  You're the one who taught me that, so why can't you remember it now?"

 

She began to sob in earnest now.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!  He just won't stop crying and it's so  stupid \--"

 

"He's a baby!  Babies cry!"  Kakashi was at a loss, looking from his wailing son to his wailing wife.

 

"Not this much!  This can't be normal.  I'm doing it all wrong and he hates me --"  Sakura gave up trying to make him feed.  "It's pointless.  He'll just keep going no matter what I do."

 

"He doesn't hate you," Kakashi said, massaging his temples with the tips of his fingers.  "He had a hard day."

 

"He doesn't even know what happened!" Sakura snapped.  "I had a hard day.  Sasuke-kun had a hard day.  Juugo had a hard day!"

 

Kakashi sighed heavily.  "Sakura..."

 

"Be quiet, Potato!" Sakura said shrilly to the baby, almost hysterical.  "Please be quiet!"

 

"His name is not Potato!"

 

Both Sakura and the baby stopped crying at once, surprised at the sound of Kakashi's uncommon yelling.  Once the shock wore off, they both began again, louder than ever.

 

"Why not?" Sakura sobbed.  "It's what he looks like!  And you just want to name him after dead people anyway!"

 

"At least if he were named after my father," Kakashi said thunderously, "he would have a  name .  As his mother, you'd think you would want him to have one.  Do you dislike my name choices because they're in honor of dead people, or simply because they're anything at all?"

 

Turning away from Kakashi swiftly, eyes wide in hurt, Sakura dumped the baby into the crib and scrambled into bed, drawing the covers over her head.

 

Kakashi picked him up, rocking him gently.  "You can't hide forever, Sakura."

 

Finally, with a few last little coughs, the baby quieted.

 

"He doesn't hate me, though, right?" the trembling blob of covers said, sniffling.

 

Kakashi didn't know what to do, so he kept jiggling the baby.  This wouldn't last forever, he told himself.  He kept the baby calm as long as he could, desperately hoping Sakura could get some sleep.

 

...

 

Kakashi did not go fishing that day.  The winter stores still needed bolstering, and every day counted, but he hadn't realized such resentment was festering in Sakura, so Ichiro and Inari could handle it for today.  They would understand.  They always did.

 

But when Sakura realized why he was still in bed with her, her eyes rounded in regret.  She served him his meager breakfast, feeding and changing the baby without complaint or event.

 

"Go outside," she said with forced cheerfulness.  "Go play with Nobuya or something.  I've got to wash diapers.  No need for both of us to be bored."

 

Kakashi would rather wash diapers with her than do anything else, but since she was doing it for his sake, to reassure him, Kakashi played along.

 

Nobuya, though, was nowhere to be found, until Kakashi spotted him with Hitomi on the way to Juugo's house.  Nobuya had taken on the raising of the little girl without comment since Makoto's death, but the two remaining children were still close.  Kakashi waved but did not want to disturb them, today of all days.

 

The village still bustled around him, everyone still working furiously to prepare for the heart of winter.  Already it was cold.  It seemed strange, after yesterday had come and gone, that today was a fairly normal day.  If there was anything this war and the aftermath had taught Kakashi, it was that tomorrow was always uncertain, but with it came hope, too.

 

Just as Kakashi had decided he'd had enough aimless wandering and turned back towards home, he spotted Sasuke.  Sasuke was still a little unsteady on his feet, but for the most part had mastered the art of placing one foot in front of the other.

 

Sasuke may have been the most powerful man in the world once, but no longer.  Kakashi knew exactly what losing field of vision did to a ninja and that Sasuke was unprepared for it.  But surely he had to have considered the possibility when he decided to use his Sharingan to such extent.

 

And for what?  Kakashi did not yet know all of the villager's names.  He was certain that Sasuke did not either.

 

But Sasuke cared anyway.  There was no pretense in it.  There could be no greater proof.  Something in him had changed after all; Sakura was right.  Of course she was.  She always was.

 

"Having a bit of a struggle there, Sasuke-chan?" Kakashi said cheerily.

 

"I don't care how much I struggle," Sasuke said, jaw clenched.  "I'll deal with it.  I won't fail them again.  I can't.  Especially Juugo."

 

"You'll deal with it?" Kakashi asked innocently.  "All by your lonesome, just you and a kunai and an untouched target?"

 

Kakashi had seen Sasuke's methods with this before.  They were pointless, merely highlighting the problem rather than overcoming it, like picking a scab or poking a bruise.

 

"What's it to you?" Sasuke snapped, striding off towards the woods as confidently as he could manage.

 

Kakashi strolled along beside him, hands in his pockets.  "Never thought to ask someone with experience, did you?"

 

Sasuke paused, blinking his newly mismatched eyes in surprise.  "You'll help me?"

 

"I'm offering, aren't I?"

 

Once, Sasuke's pride would have prevented him from accepting such an offer.  Now, though he hesitated, he nodded.

 

"Is this depth perception really permanent?"

 

Kakashi smiled easily, walking forward again.  "Basically.  But you'll see it in a different way soon enough.  It will never be complete, but you'll stop misjudging distances."

 

"Ah."

 

Sasuke stopped when they were far enough away from the village, turning to face Kakashi with determination.

 

Without warning, Kakashi rushed him.  Once, it would have been a fair contest, but now, it was a bit of a joke.  Sasuke took six successive hits to his left side, and when he tried to parry, stumbled and fell.

 

He looked up at Kakashi from the ground, shocked and consternated.  Very rarely had Uchiha Sasuke been so outclassed.  Likely, he had forgotten what it felt like.

 

Kakashi smiled.  "Well, well.  Now that you know your weakness, we can begin."

 

...

 

At first, when Kakashi climbed the stairs and entered the house to see the baby's crib in the kitchen, his stomach clenched, though the infant was sleeping soundly.  As the night's meltdown proved, Sakura's tension with the baby hadn't gotten much better, though she clearly tried.  But as Kakashi's brain caught up with his olfactory senses, he grinned.  This time, that wasn't the issue at all.

 

The scent of her arousal wafted through the air to itch Kakashi's nose.  Distinct as it was, he recognized it immediately.  The situation was so similar to the first time he smelled her scent this way that it brought the memory back with force.  Sometimes his nose was a curse, but sometimes, it was a blessing.

 

She'd been just fifteen, but it was the first time they spent an extended period of time alone together, on a mission that didn't require a full squad, just a medic.  Kakashi had returned after gathering supplies to a smell much like this one.  Only then, Kakashi had preferred to believe she was just naive and careless rather than trying to tease him.  Now, Kakashi knew exactly what she was doing.  She knew he'd return to take lunch with her.

 

Kakashi stood in the kitchen for a moment, stretching the moment of anticipation before he opened their bedroom door.  He remembered how she had looked on the cheap motel bed that night, wearing only a t-shirt and panties, covers thrown to the side to ward off unwanted warmth.  The smell of her arousal still hung heavy in the air and for a moment he had doubted she really was asleep.

 

Kakashi could only sigh, back then, desperately wishing it wasn't her in the bed or for just enough time without her to relieve the pressure that sent his instincts into a terrible spiral.

 

In the present, Sakura made herself heard from the other side of the door, moaning just loud enough that Kakashi knew it was on purpose.  

 

Whether or not she was trying to evoke the memory of that very first incident they had never acknowledged in the time before the war when things got too fuzzy to contemplate, Kakashi knew she would understand what he did next.  He closed his eyes to relive it once more.

 

Careful not to stir her, Kakashi slid into bed, a respectable distance from her. Nearly three weeks already they'd been on this mission together, with another to go before they returned home. Frowning, Kakashi decided, certainly too influenced by his already solid erection, that he'd waited enough. 

 

As discreetly as he could, he laid above the blanket and undid his pants. Sakura was generally a heavy sleeper and he was a skilled ninja. He'd done and gotten away with much, much riskier than this. So he pumped his hand around his erection, doing his best to forget he wasn't alone, as quiet as he could be. 

 

Kakashi's eyes snapped open and he pushed open the bedroom door with purpose, then caught it before it slammed into the wall.  Waking the baby just now would not do -- no, it would not do at all.  So he carefully shut the door as his eyes fell on Sakura.  This time, she was naked, one hand between her legs as she met his gaze head on, almost challenging.

 

He'd been hard long before he opened the door, just like in his memory, so he mimicked the rest, too.  He lay down beside her, too far away to touch, and pulled his hardened shaft out of his pants.

 

For a while, he really thought his plan would unfold without a hitch and he would go undetected -- that was, until Sakura stretched her leg just enough so their calves brushed together. What did it matter that she realized what he was doing? Clearly she understood needing to relieve one's needs and was also of the opinion that the public bathroom of the inn wouldn't do. 

 

Kakashi continued, trying harder to imagine he was alone. 

 

And maybe he could have if Sakura didn't purposefully rub her leg against his. Or if he couldn't feel the heat suddenly radiating from her. Kakashi had never thought of himself as an exhibitionist, but the thought that a girl lied next to him, enjoying the show, spurred him on.

 

But this time, instead of ignoring she was there, Kakashi looked into her eyes as he stroked up and down slowly.  Her mouth fell open as she rocked more steadily against the heel of her palm, cheeks rosy.  Just like in the past, the idea of it turned her on so much she couldn't hide it.

 

Wishing he wasn't aware of it, Kakashi spared fewer and fewer efforts muffling the sounds he made or the creaking of the mattress he caused. Sakura didn't seem to mind; in fact, she turned around to face him and scooted closer to him. A little alarmed, Kakashi slowed and chanced a glance down at her. When he realized she would only watch him, Kakashi bit back a moan, though it hardly made a difference. 

 

Now, too, she stared at his cock, biting her lip as the movements of her fingers became more complex, slipping inside her cleft to stroke her clitoris.

 

Just as he felt his climax build in the deep of his stomach, Kakashi felt Sakura move. Her hand snaked between them where she was pressed lightly into his side. He knew her hand had gone between her legs and what it did there because he could feel all of it against his hip. 

 

He thought of slipping his hand into her panties and over hers, just to feel everything she did to herself and find out just how she would like to be touched, but he refrained, instead settling for a handful of her uncovered thigh high up near where it curved into her ass.

 

Now, Kakashi did not refrain, putting his free hand over her occupied one.  Her fingers were dancing, almost touching the exposed tip of her hardened nub but stopping just shy.  He didn't impede her movements, just followed them.  His cock twitched in his hand, begging to be inside her, but the six week postpartum jail sentence wasn't up so he kept their game going, biting back a groan.

 

Sakura stifled a moan and Kakashi stopped the pumping of his hand briefly when it nearly threw him off the edge. He knew he would regret it, but it was already done, so he continued. 

 

"Are you holding back?"

 

It was only a shy question, but Kakashi wished she hadn't spoken. It made it easier to ignore how badly he wanted to be inside a woman, thrusting wildly until he finally came, if she didn't remind him there was one right there against him. "Yes."

 

"Why?"

 

"The orgasm is stronger after."

 

It wasn't a straight up lie, Kakashi tried to comfort himself. It would be stronger. It also allowed him more time to enjoy the sheer dirtiness of what he was doing. Who wasn't turned on further by taboo? He could tell it affected Sakura all the same, at least. 

 

Sakura's hand dropped lower to tease the slickness of her lips, but though she tested, she did not slip a finger inside.  His own hand above hers could feel the heat that called to cradle his own, and by the minute thrusting of her hips she couldn't control, he knew she wanted something inside her.

 

"Are you holding back?" he asked, and the mere question made her push her hips upwards, straining for contact.

 

"Yes," she gasped, putting her other hand over where theirs met, forcing him to guide her fingers.

 

"Why?"

 

At first, she ignored his question until he gave in to her demands and rubbed her just how she liked.

 

"The orgasm is stronger after," she said, and reached over to place her fingers loosely over his where they gripped his member.

 

Then, she placed the thigh he held on his own, so far up the fingers of the hand he pumped with sometimes brushed against her smooth, hot skin.

 

Clearly thinking of it just as much as he was, Sakura spread her legs again, so wide her thigh overlapped his.  One of her hands traveled over his erection along with his, brushing against her thigh like in the memory.  She was shaped differently now and so stayed on her back instead of her side, but the effect wasn't lost.  He guided her hand up over the tip of his penis and back down again, trying like her not to end the encounter, though neither of them were succeeding very well.

 

Her other hand shoved his fingers touching her lower, and he knew what she needed, slipping his index finger inside her lips to play at her entrance without delving inside; as always, the taboo was nearly too tempting.  Her own fingers stayed on her clit and trembled against his cock, pumping eagerly.  Beneath his arm, her thigh twitched.

 

When his climax threatened to overwhelm him again, he let it, because this time he couldn't stave off the shame of what he was doing. He came hard, grunting and digging his nails in the giving flesh of her thigh. Soon after, he slipped out of his shirt and used it to clean himself, then threw it aside. He knew some of his cum spurted on her thigh by her surprised gasp, but he acted as if he hadn't noticed and rolled onto his side instead. 

 

Hopefully, Sakura would do the same soon enough. 

 

This time, neither of them were content with such a lackluster ending.  His fingers glided back over hers as they worked nimbly.

 

"I wanted to do this then," he groaned, too far gone to think better of it.

 

She bucked her hips, tightening her hold on his cock.  "You should have."

 

He paused, stricken with sudden shame, throat going dry like sand.  She had been only fifteen then, and why seventeen was so much better he didn't know.

 

"Don't say that," he said, but she missed the meaning in her distraction.

 

Her fingers kept moving under his, and with one last thrust of her hips, she clenched her knees together, making a soft sighing sound he knew as well as her aroma.  She relaxed her legs, coming down off the orgasm.

 

Though her body was still over limber, she crawled to her knees and pushed his back roughly to the thin mattress.  She took him in her mouth and all guilt evaporated as his eyes rolled back in his head.

 

He grabbed her hair and pushed the pace, still circling around the edge and the final loss of control.  He spiraled over when she yawned and swallowed him whole, barely flinching when he came hard into the back of her throat.

 

She lapped up every last drop and then crawled up to collapse on his chest, sated.

 

"I didn't want you to make a mess this time," she teased.

 

Kakashi smiled lazily.  "Such a good wife, to clean up my messes."

 

Immediately, Sakura tensed on top of him.  "I'm not a good wife.  You know I'm not."

 

"Sakura..."  Kakashi sighed, running his fingers through her hair.  "I was just kidding.  You're the only wife I would ever want."

 

She hid her face in his collarbone.  "I'm trying.  I promise."

 

"It'll be fine," Kakashi said, petting her head.  "Everything will be fine.  Tomorrow is a new day."

 

Her breaths started to even out, tickling his neck.  She was always exhausted these days -- she usually slept with the baby, so this small gesture to try and make up with him had cost her precious rest.

 

"Did we miss lunch?" Sakura mumbled groggily.  "We should go get something..."

 

"I'll bring you leftovers in a little while," Kakashi said.  "Just sleep."

 

Immediately, she obeyed, and for once, the baby let her, making not a peep -- that is, until someone thundered up the stairs and threw the door open with a crash.  The baby began to cry and Sakura groaned, trying to block it out with a pillow.

 

"Sasuke!" Kakashi growled, for it could be no other.

 

With no regard to their privacy, as usual, Sasuke burst into their bedroom.  But he was wild-eyed and scared as Kakashi had never before seen him.

 

"We have to go!  Right now!"

 

Sakura sensed it too, quickly rising and pulling on her yukata, unworried about her nakedness.  "What's going on?"

 

Kakashi picked up the baby, attempting to comfort him.

 

"The sea -- it made this noise and pulled back, like, like -- I don't know, but there were fish on the ground, and --"  Sasuke tried to drag Sakura to the door.  "Suigetsu said a tsunami is coming.  Now.  We have to --"

 

Kakashi heard the impact of the wave on the house in front of them just before it hit.  In the quickest move he'd ever done in his life, and with a baby in his arms, Kakashi formed water seals.  He surrounded the four of them in a bubble just as water crashed through the wall of his house, collapsing it around them.

 

They were all tossed around like ragdolls in a tumble dryer, and Kakashi desperately clutched the baby to his chest, protecting it.  The edges of the bubble were soft and pliant, so he managed to keep the baby from harm, though his high pitched screams tried to tell another story.  Sakura and Sasuke ended up in a jumble of limbs, but were otherwise no worse for the wear.

 

Kakashi concentrated on keeping the bubble intact, letting the sea buffet it wherever it may go.  They were suctioned back and thrown into the shore at least once more, but Sakura and Sasuke put their palms on the surface of the bubble, bolstering it with their own chakra.

 

Eventually, the suctioning stopped, and they were merely floating at sea.  Judging by the depth of the water, they were farther out at sea than any of them had ever before been.  All around them floated debris in the still swirling, disturbed water.  Kakashi watched it in a soothing sort of way until he looked closer at something red and realized it was Mitsuko's scarf, still attached to her pallid corpse.

 

"Oh my God," Sakura said, a lone sob wrenching its way from her chest.  "Everyone...  It was all for nothing."

 

"Not nothing," Kakashi corrected sharply, petting their son's head.  He had finally tuckered himself out, sleeping fitfully.

 

"We lived," Sasuke said, though his face was grim.  "We can't have been the only lucky ones."

 

But they were some of the very few with jutsu to aid them, it went unsaid.  Sakura just nodded, though, not having the heart to argue.

 

They floated along under the sea, not speaking, until the water stopped churning and yanking them in different directions.

 

"Is it safe now?" Sakura asked timidly.

 

There was no way of knowing, but it was as good of a time to check as any, so Kakashi guided the bubble higher in the water.  As soon as it touched the surface, it burst, but Kakashi was quick enough that only his feet got wet before he stood on top of the choppy water.  Sakura wasn't quite as quick, soaking the whole lower half of her yukata.

 

She stood there shivering.  "Now what?"

 

As if in response, the baby rustled and began nestling against Kakashi's chest, looking for a teat.  When all he found was the rough material of Kakashi's flak jacket, he began to cry.

 

"Fucking hell," Sakura said irritably, holding out her arms.  "Give him here.  He's hungry, as usual."

 

Kakashi did as she said, and he and Sasuke just watched as she settled the baby onto her breast.  His little hand grabbed the edge of her red yukata, pulling as he suckled.

 

"Well?" Sakura demanded, looking at them expectedly.

 

Sasuke shrugged.  "Let's start walking to shore.  We can't have floated that far, can we?"

 

Sakura laughed darkly.  "Well, we'll find out, won't we?"

 

Sasuke squinted every which way, trying to make his eye see the horizon.

 

"This way is west," Kakashi said, looking at the sun, and set out purposefully.  For lack of a better plan, they followed him.

 

...

 

They walked for hours.  They walked so long the sun began to set, and still they seemed no closer.  As night fell and they passed an empty boat, bobbing upside down in the water, they stopped without discussion and flipped it over.

 

Kakashi and Sasuke held it steady for Sakura to climb in first.  Her murderous face dared them to laugh at her, as she was clearly ten times more uncomfortable in a boat than on her own two feet.  They didn't laugh, though, and simply climbed inside the boat with her.

 

Kakashi understood her well.  As ninja, they were always more comfortable under their own power, but there was only one problem.  Their power was limited.  After keeping the bubble intact and water walking so long, Kakashi had little chakra to spare and so did the others, he could tell.  The boat was a fortuitous find, even though it had lost its oars and so drifted around aimlessly.

 

"Isamu-san made this boat," Sakura said, sounding sad.  "It must have been the last one he made..."

 

Kakashi knew better than to suggest Isamu had lived.  Isamu was spry for his age, but he was still an elderly man, stooped and brittle.  It would have taken a miracle for him to have survived the wave.

 

"Why don't you sleep, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said instead, relieving her of the baby.  "We'll figure out something soon."

 

Though he could see in her face she knew he was lying to her, she laid down on a bench of the boat anyway.  It looked uncomfortable, but there was nothing to be done for it.  Kakashi would find out just how uncomfortable soon enough.

 

Sasuke laid down too, because there was nothing more to say.

 

Left alone, Kakashi stared into the face of his sleeping son.  "We  will figure out something out.  We will."

 

Though his son didn't argue, just sighed sleepily, Kakashi felt fear grow like a wedge between his throat and his heart.  This might just be one of those problems that couldn't be fixed.

 

…

 

One hour bled into the next, with only the slow movement of the sun overhead to mark the passage of time.  Each minute leeched a little more strength from them, another drop of moisture drawn from their bodies and lost to the atmosphere.  Any hope for the replenishing of their chakra stores was foolhardy; without energy intake to restore it, Kakashi could only feel his own pool shrinking further.  And so nothing was left but to ignore it and act as if everything was normal.

 

“I’m so hungry,” Sakura whined, baby attached to her breast.  “He’s eaten everything I had left.”

 

“You had lunch yesterday,” Sasuke said listlessly, trailing a hand in the water.  “It’s not been so long yet.”

 

“ You  had lunch yesterday.”  Sakura scowled.  “We didn’t.”

 

Sasuke looked at her and blinked.  “Why didn’t you --”  And then his mind caught up and he leered.  “Shows where your priority is, doesn’t it?”

 

“ You’re one to talk,” Sakura snapped, burping the baby through his cries.

 

Kakashi smiled and reached into his pocket.  “How about a game of cards, Sakura-chan?”

 

She flushed, though it was hardly visible through the sunburn across the bridge of her nose, and tucked the newly quiet baby inside her clothing to try and shield him better from the elements.  “Men,” she said irritably, but Kakashi could see the smirk she hid on her face.  “One thing on their minds.”

 

“You really won’t play, then?”  Kakashi pouted and she sighed, giving in like he knew she would.

 

Sakura wobbled her way to the bench facing him and waited as Kakashi dealt the cards for their favorite game.

 

“I’m not invited?” Sasuke teased.

 

“No!  Husbands and wives only!”  Sakura whipped her head around to glare at Sasuke and then turned back to simper sweetly at Kakashi.  “Go fish.”

 

“Yes, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi said obediently, and drew the ace of diamonds.

 

And then the baby began to cry once more and Sakura made a horrible face.  “I think he just shit on my chest.”

 

Kakashi couldn’t contain a chuckle, but regretted it when Sakura burst into tears, or some strange mimicry of it since she was too dehydrated to produce any actual tears.

 

“That’s so gross!”  She dumped the smelly baby into Kakashi’s arms and tried to clean herself off with seawater.  “It’s the cherry on top, isn’t it, of this fantastic fucking day.  When I said I’d have him, I didn’t know he would be so  nasty .”

 

The smile was wiped off Kakashi’s face immediately.

 

“How did that even happen?” Sasuke asked, face working like he wanted to laugh but knew better.  “Where’s his diaper?”

 

“It’s right here,” Kakashi said, though a quick inspection revealed that it was, in fact, leaking.

 

“I guess I tied it wrong, didn’t I!” Sakura screeched, giving up trying to wash herself further, sliding down the side of the boat, sobbing incoherently.

 

With alarm, Sasuke met Kakashi’s eyes.  Kakashi looked away, quickly taking off the baby’s diaper.  Without needing to be asked, Sasuke took the baby and awkwardly washed his bottom with sea water while Kakashi scrubbed out the diaper in the sea.  This process had been repeated several times already, and it made the baby squeal like a stuck pig every time, especially when the cold, wet diaper was placed back on his bottom.  Eventually, he would get sores, but not yet.

 

Sakura didn’t look at any of them, sniveling on the bottom of the boat.  “I’m so fucked up.  I’m so  fucking fucked up.”

 

Kakashi didn’t say anything, and for once, Sasuke didn’t try and butt in.  Once upon a time, Sakura would have been the first one to laugh at such a thing.  Never before had she been squeamish.  She’d had all of their bodily fluids on her at least once and never breathed a word of complaint.

 

Sakura hardly ever smiled anymore, or laughed, or joked as she did so freely before.  It wasn’t really the baby’s feces that bothered her, or even the baby’s cries.  It was the baby itself.  Just another problem Kakashi did not know how to solve.

 

“I never thought I would be like this,” Sakura said.  “Maybe all I really am is a ninja after all.  Maybe that’s all I know how to be.”

 

Baby in one arm, his squalls so ubiquitous that Kakashi hardly noticed them anymore, Kakashi reached down with the other to pull her up.  “You’re a ninja,” he said calmly.  “But you’re also my wife.  You’re also his mother.  Soon enough, you’ll learn how to be all three.  You’ll see.”

 

Sakura sniffled, searching his face desperately.  “How do you know?”

 

Kakashi smiled and gave her the same answer she’d once given him.  “I just know.”

 

Sakura half laughed, half sobbed and he knew she remembered that moment in the tent when he’d been the weak one.  “Very funny.”

 

“It’s true.  And besides, it made you smile, didn’t it?”

 

She smiled for real this time and put an open, inviting hand on his lap.  Kakashi placed his free hand in it and they sat there like that, bobbing around in the sea like a cork, just passing the time, waiting for something to happen.

 

…

 

When something finally did happen, it was in the wee hours of the morning.  Kakashi’s eyes snapped open from his uncomfortable position on the bench, the hairs on the back of his neck raised.

 

There was no noise but the slapping of the water on the wooden sides of the boat, no strange smells, but the air sang with unidentifiable energy.  Kakashi sat up slowly and scanned the horizon, but when he found nothing, his eyes skipped over Sasuke and settled on Sakura.  Her eyes were wide in fear and she clutched the baby to her chest, cradling his head.

 

If Kakashi was going to die, he wanted them to be the last sight he saw, so he didn’t look away.

 

Some time passed.  It could have been a minute or an hour, but regardless, nothing happened and the goosebumps on Kakashi’s skin began to recede.

 

And then the first wave came.  It was only small, just a louder smack against the hull, but it was the first mark of change they’d seen since the bubble surfaced yesterday.

 

The slaps came harder, louder, closer and closer together, and the boat began to wobble side to side from the force of each successive hit until eventually they rode swells that dipped and crested.  As the boat rose and fell, they were sometimes looking out on the dark, empty expanse of sea and sometimes they were caged in by water as the tiny boat bobbed like a fishing lure.

 

“Kakashi,” Sakura whimpered, pressing the baby’s face to her neck.  His screams rent the air like lightning in a storm.

 

Sasuke, too, clutched the side of the boat in fear, straining his only remaining eye to try and find the source of the disturbance.

 

Then, not one hundred yards away from their tiny vessel, a bone-white mountain rose from the sea, water shedding from its sides like waterfalls.

 

As it grew further, the mountain pushed away a surge of water, far too much for the little rowboat to handle.  Before the boat could flip on top of him, Kakashi jumped out, burning through his remaining chakra stores to stay on top of the roiling ocean.  Sakura was more successful, grabbing his collar with her free hand to yank him above a cresting wave.

 

And then the mountain began to unfurl its long, white tails.

 

One.

 

Two.

 

Three.

 

Four.

 

Five.

 

“Gobi,” Sasuke breathed in wonder.

 

The last to rise from the sea was the beast’s head, one red-rimmed eye turning its baleful stare on them, blue like ice.

 

With an earsplitting roar, the Gobi shook the water from its fur, battering Kakashi from head to toe with bullets of sea water.  Sakura screamed, facing her back to it and crouching to protect the baby, only partially successful as he wasn't hurt but got completely soaked like the rest of them.  Sasuke was knocked from his feet, sinking below the waves only to claw his way back out again, clambering on top of the overturned boat.

 

The ants that they were were far below the Gobi’s notice.  It shuffled one leg forward and then another towards the shore, sending forth more rippling waves with each movement.  The beast’s strides were so big that it wasn’t long before it was out of sight entirely.

 

When the Gobi’s wake began to fade, Kakashi helped Sasuke turn the boat back rightside up.  Sasuke and Kakashi scrambled inside of it, breathing heavily from chakra expenditure and the release of adrenaline, but Sakura struggled, her foot missing as she almost fell back into the sea.  She glared at the offending foot in confusion as if she didn't understand, temporarily relinquishing the baby in order for Sasuke to pull her into the boat.  None of them commented on how difficult such an easy task was for her now, or the way her skin was taut and her eyes too glassy.

 

Now that the boat had freed them from underneath itself, Kakashi watched his playing cards float away, only the jack of diamonds showing its face.  They’d forgotten to put the cards away and now it was too late, but it didn’t matter.  They wouldn’t need them anymore.

 

“That’s why,” Sakura panted, trying to calm the distressed infant in her arms.  “That’s the reason for the tsunami.  The Gobi spawned under the ocean.”

 

Sasuke’s lips were thin and pressed tight in his pale face.  “The question is how many more?”

 

Sakura met Kakashi’s eyes fearfully.  They were all thinking it.  Maybe the Gobi was the first to spawn.  Maybe there would be another ten months before the next beast spawned.

 

But maybe the Gobi had been the  last to spawn.  Or maybe all nine had spawned at once.

 

After such a thing, sleep was impossible.  They sat there together watching the sunrise, settling back into their routine of pretending nothing was wrong.

 

“I have a headache,” Sakura said, licking her chapped lips, but not enough moisture was on her tongue to wet them.  "It feels like if I pulled my skull apart by the ears, it would be a relief.  How does that make sense?"

 

She tried to make it funny, a bit of dark humor, but it didn't suit her.  Like with everything else, Kakashi and Sasuke just didn't comment.

 

With a sigh, Sakura laid her head on Kakashi’s shoulder.  “The sunrise is still pretty.  Even now.  Isn’t that strange?”

 

Kakashi slipped an arm around her waist, pulling his little family closer.  “Tomorrow’s still a new day.”

 

...

 

It was some time later, when the sun was well overhead, before Kakashi realized the baby had stopped crying.  It had become such an ever-present noise that he had learned to tune it out, but now, the deep silence struck Kakashi with a type of terror he had never known before.  In the past, the baby stopped occasionally to nap, but never this long.

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, voice strangled.  It was difficult to speak, for his tongue felt sluggish and strange, almost as if it were covered in cotton.  “What’s wrong with him?”

 

“He’s sleeping,” she said defensively, but didn’t protest when Kakashi took the baby from her arms.

 

He  was sleeping, in a sense, Kakashi saw.  He was peaceful and most importantly, his little chest rose and fell.  But slowly.  Too slowly.  His skin was cold and clammy to the touch.

 

"It's the wet," Sakura said finally, voice soft.  "He's freezing."

 

"But it's not even cold," Kakashi protested, trying to pull the rabbit fur jacket tighter around the baby, the jacket Sakura had designed to prevent this very thing.  But Kakashi could see where the seawater had crusted it in salt, from too many times getting wet and then baking in the sun.

 

"He can't regulate temperature like we can," Sakura rasped, her voice scraping like dry stones.

 

He was barely more than a week old, and meant to still be in the womb.  Even though they were trying their best, and Sakura’s milk still flowed freely, he was too young to survive long in such an environment.  Kakashi might be sweating, but his son's tiny little fingers were tinged with blue.  If nothing changed, the thing they all carefully avoided talking about would come to pass.  Soon.

 

“Then warm him up,” Sasuke said harshly, either ignoring Sakura or not understanding her. “What are you waiting for?”

 

"But I have no chakra anymore..."  Sakura hesitated, looking off to the side, and Kakashi could almost see the sluggishness of her brain trying to work.  "I might have read -- one thing, I -- I'm not -- I'm unsure.  It's like trying to remember a dream..."

 

Her tongue was thick and clumsy; as she spoke haltingly, she looked at her pruny fingers one by one as if they would give her an idea.

 

“Kakashi,” she said quietly, pleading with her eyes.  “Kakashi,  please .  What do I do?   What do I do ?”

 

“I don’t know,” Kakashi said helplessly, petting the baby's wispy hairs.  If Sakura could not gather herself enough to think of a solution, then a solution was out of grasp.  It was the most painful thing Kakashi had ever witnessed, to watch her brilliant mind betray her as both his wife and child deteriorated before his eyes -- and he'd watched his two best friends die in front of him.  Fervently, Kakashi wished that when the sea yawned for the Gobi to emerge, it had sucked them all in and ended it all at once.

 

Sasuke stood up too quickly, making the boat wobble dangerously, and leaned over to shake Sakura about the shoulders.  "Think, Sakura!  Snap out of it and  think !  What did you read?"

 

She stared at him dully for a minute and then blinked.  "Skin to skin contact.  It could help."

 

Looking a little more herself, she reached out to Kakashi for the baby and he handed it over, at a loss for any better plan.

 

She let her yukata fall open without a second thought and undressed the baby to press him to her chest.  Sakura put her nose in his white hair and smelled deeply, as if trying to commit his scent to memory.  The sight of it caught Kakashi’s breath in his throat.

 

Kakashi knew, and Sakura knew.  Even if they managed to warm the baby, Sakura was dehydrating far too quickly to stay conscious for another whole day.  Without her, the baby's last hope was gone.  The same milk that was keeping him alive was killing her.

 

Sakura locked into Kakashi’s gaze, holding it, not shirking away.  “I want to name him Shoyu.”

 

Soy sauce.  Kakashi remembered how much she had wanted that very thing in pregnancy and the disagreement that followed.

 

“For Naruto,” she said softly.  “He’d like it.  I know he would.”

 

Kakashi almost laughed, feeling slightly hysterical.  It was Naruto’s favorite type of ramen.  Kakashi had almost forgotten.

 

“Please, Kakashi,” Sakura said, voice growing thick.  “I don’t want him to die without a name.”

 

Her words hung in the air, finality weighing them so they sank into the pit of Kakashi’s stomach.  They could no longer pretend everything would be okay.  It wouldn’t.

 

“Shoyu it is, then,” Kakashi said in a raspy whisper.  Nevertheless, Sakura heard him and smiled.

 

“Naruto would definitely -- he would love it,” Sasuke said, voice hitching, barely making it through the sentence.

 

“Maybe they’ll meet,” Sakura said, looking down at Shoyu with all the tenderness Kakashi had hoped for since the moment of his birth.  “Maybe they’ll take care of one another.  I’d like that.  Wouldn’t you?”

 

Kakashi couldn’t speak, a lump in his throat so large he couldn’t swallow around it.  Sasuke put his palms to his dry eyes, muffling a sob.

 

Sakura settled next to Kakashi on the same bench, leaning into his side.

 

“Thousands of enemies may come, but we will stand.”

 

Sakura’s voice was trembling, threatening to break, but it didn’t, the melody coming out clear.

 

“Where there is a strong will, there is a way.”

 

Sakura nudged Kakashi, and he struggled to find his voice, joining in.

 

“With the Will of Fire, what do we fear at all? Nothing in the world shall threaten us.”

 

He was off key, ragged, but they sang on.

 

“Never fear, never despair.  Go on until the very end. Instead of surviving shamefully, fall admirably, brave and strong.”

 

For the last line, Sasuke raised his voice too, sending their prayer to the heavens.

 

“For the Will of Fire will burn brighter thanks to you.”


	30. Strings in the Shadows

Silence. Beautiful, lulling silence. Not a sound, not a peep. The air was empty in all senses; no wind, no noise, no light. Void in its purest essence. A blessing to allow him to forget, if only for the time of a heartbeat. Trouble would come when the light returned, and Shikamaru could do without trouble. Regardless, it would come soon, he knew. Shikamaru regulated his breathing carefully, fingertips pressed together so his hands formed a perfect circle. Perhaps he had miscalculated something, _anything_. His situation was precarious. No mistake could be made, or he would fail.

The pawns moved on the board he visualized, one by one, precisely timed and according to his every whim. For every pawn he cornered, another moved, only to fall into the next trap. There were no openings, no defeat statistically possible. It was a checkmate.

Yet, Shikamaru's heart still pounded in his ears. Shikamaru could only smirk to himself. In the back of his mind, he could still see Asuma scratch the back of his head as he wore a discouraged grimace. Hopeless, he would say sometimes, when Shikamaru predictably abandoned matches. The arena was not where Shikamaru fought, and it was never where he would excel. Powerhouses the likes of Naruto and Choji were meant for it.

Shikamaru pulled the strings from the shadows, but one would be a fool to peg him as a mere schemer.

And the light finally came.

"Stand," the guard said. Arata. Hinata's second lapdog. Shikamaru obeyed. A second guard, Haru, tied Shikamaru's hands together. "Follow us."

Shikamaru walked in silence, his customary annoyed frown in place. Because it truly was annoying - to be paraded so all the way to the podium, like a dog to be put down, annoyed him right down to his core. Duty left him little choice, though. How could he question his Hokage?

But when they passed the crowd - much larger than usual, now that a Konoha name figured on the execution list - Shikamaru schooled his features in a straight face. As he had anticipated, his team had come, either alerted by one of Hiashi's announcements or his disappearance during the previous night.

"Shikamaru!" Ino screamed, fighting against two guards to try and reach him. Lee, at her side, did his best to prevent the situation from escalating "Shikamaru! This has to be a joke, it can't be true!"

Shikamaru averted his gaze entirely, staring straight ahead as his guards guided him.

"No, no!" Ino's screams broke down into wails, and he did not need to look at her to know the tears that streaked down her cheeks. He had seen enough of them already. "Please!"

"Out of my way!"

Shikamaru repressed any reaction that threatened to bubble up, unsurprised to hear far more thunder in Temari's voice than in Ino's.

Haru and Arata halted their steps, dropping in a defensive position as Temari slammed her fan into the ground, an empty threat Shikamaru knew. With Gaara at her side, though, she was taken far more seriously than Ino. When commotion rose, Hiashi stepped down from the podium to meet Gaara.

"Allow my sister a word with your prisoner," Gaara demanded coolly, the same wall of sand he had always been. "It is customary for lovers to be afforded a last conversation."

Hiashi, face hard as stone, delayed his response for a moment, building a momentum Shikamaru hardly cared for. "I will allow it."

Immediately, Temari rushed to his side, not one to play games, and that was why he liked her, after all.

"What is this?" Temari whispered angrily, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. "Tell me this isn't true."

Shikamaru could only stare at his feet.

"Talk to me!" Temari shouted, the last thread that kept her facade intact snapping under the pressure. "There's no way this can be legitimate - just what game are you playing?!" When Shikamaru still refused to face her, she let loose a howl of frustration. "You can't die!"

When Choji appeared behind Temari, Shikamaru could only be thankful. Though she fought against his powerful hold, he herded her towards where he had quieted Ino. He, too, threw worried glances towards Shikamaru, but he did not speak.

The guards resumed their walk and Shikamaru followed without protest, until he was on his knees, a spectacle for all of the village to witness the slaughter of. In the crowd, there were many familiar faces. If not the tearful faces of Ino and Temari, then the alarmed and panicked faces of his clansmen. They dared not act yet and Shikamaru would keep it so.

"Nara Shikamaru has been brought before you to be publicly executed for his crimes against Konoha," Hiashi said, his voice booming through the air. "He has plotted against the well being of Konoha, stealing from our reserves and falsifying reports to fit his schemes. He has retained valuable information that fragilized Konoha's safety for his own profit."

There were whispers among the crowd, ranging from surprised and shocked to angry and irate. Unsurprisingly, the anger came from Konoha military - his own comrades. They hardly knew the struggles of other districts, so sheltered were they. He couldn't blame them. No, they were not the culprits.

Shikamaru drowned out the noise around him, allowing the scene to unfold as if he was not the one to have the cold blade of a kunai pressed to his throat.

"Proceed," Hiashi finally said.

"Stop it!" Hinata screamed, deceptively loud for such a little mouse. Shikamaru's stomach sank heavily, relieving some of the tension in his muscles. "I cannot allow this to happen, Father!"

"Nonsense," Hiashi chastised, ushering Hinata back to her spot behind him, but she was unfaltering. "Be silent."

"I cannot!" Hinata repeated, balling her small hands into fists against her chest. "I cannot allow you to cause anymore suffering, Father!"

"Hinata!" Hiashi said, his voice as harsh as his glare. "Shut your mouth at once and know your place!"

"I am afraid I cannot," Hinata said, flinching under her father's command. "You leave me no choice." Swallowing hard, Hinata stepped forward to address the crowd. "The crimes our comrade Nara Shikamaru is being accused of are mine, and mine alone," she said, finding it within herself to speak loudly enough for all to hear. "But they are not what they appear!" Much to Shikamaru's anxiety, Hinata shrank when the crowd got restless, some yelling for an explanation. "I-I have falsified reports - that is true. I have purposefully not reported the death of children from the day care so that their rations may go to the hungry children of Suna. I have smuggled merchandise in from under my Father's - Hokage's - nose so that I may distribute them - "

Shikamaru could only snort to himself. Even as Hinata began to lose face to the crowd that sapped all her confidence, none of the parents she had saved the children of stepped forward to pay their debt.

"Father," Hinata said, suddenly more stern as Ko landed on the podium by her side. His solid presence alone was enough to breathe fire back into Hinata. "I cannot support your decisions any longer. You have condemned innocents to death without so much as a trial. Nara Shikamaru is the proof. I had admitted to such crimes myself before your very eyes mere days before Shikamaru admitted to them. Why was I not judged for them as he is?"

Finally, the crowd erupted into angry shouts, demands for answers mixed in with revolt from all that wanted their fair share.

"Is this true?" Gaara said as he stepped on the podium to face Hiashi, his face a hard wall. Even Gaara could not keep venom from his voice. "Hokage-sama, do you admit to the accusations of nepotism your daughter puts forward?"

"I - " For once, Hiashi was truly at a loss, glancing with a fearful eye between the Kazekage, his daughter, and the crowd.

"Tell the truth, Father!" Hinata demanded, her eyes as firm as her voice. "You have favored our clan at the expense of the rest of the village."

"Yes," Hiashi finally said, a rightful shame on his face as he turned his eyes to the ground. "I do."

"Father," Hinata said, and Hiashi looked upon his daughter with eyes full of the emptiness of pain. Though Shikamaru could feel guilt for the havoc he had wrecked in the man's life, his focus remained on the pawns that moved on the board in his mind. Checkmate. "I resign from my position as heiress of the Hyuuga. I refuse to continue your legacy, full of hatred and selfishness as it is."

At last, Arata removed the kunai from Shikamaru's throat and he could finally breathe freely. Shikamaru did not move yet, though, waiting for things to settle down. The plan had gone just as he had envisioned it. He moved his pawns and they fulfilled their roles to perfection, Hinata most of all. He had given her far more power than any others - she was the very reason he had been able to plot his own execution, after all.

"Hinata, you cannot," Hiashi said immediately, though he was weak in the face of his cheering clan. "I have given you everything - "

"I do not want everything, Father." Hinata wore a shy smile, drawing strength from Ko's hand as he held hers. "I want the members of our family - all of them -" she said, glancing at Ko, "to be given the opportunity to live with dignity. I will not be the leader you want me to be."

"Hinata-sama!" Arata cheered, a strong smile on his face as he removed his headband to expose his cursed mark. "Hinata-sama!"

Ko followed suit, and then more Hyuuga, until Hiashi could only stare in dumbfounded silence at the power his supposedly weak daughter had amassed. It had been far too easy to play on this expectation Hiashi had of her. Shikamaru could only laugh to himself. It was a cruel twist of fate, for the daughter he had given everything for to strip him of the title that afforded him such luxury, but Shikamaru was not above cruelty.

Now that there was sufficient distraction, Shikamaru slipped away to hide a small distance away.

"Talk about trouble," he muttered to himself, back sliding down against the wall of a shack as he sat.

Finally alone, Shikamaru lit one of his cigarettes, his heart pounding in his ears. Hinata had been his primary plan, and he was all too glad she hadn't chickened out of their deal. It had been of great concern, as her shy and hesitant nature had always been a problem, though Shikamaru knew how much she had grown in the past couple years. Had Hinata failed him, Shikamaru had counted on Gaara interjecting for the sake of justice, as he dealt with Hinata and knew perfectly well that his crimes were hers. There had still been the possibility that he would keep his mouth shut in order not to risk his advantage. Then, there was his clan, who would not so easily accept his death. Had Arata really tried to slice his throat open, Shikamaru would have stopped him with his own shadow. Of course, the aftermath of that plan was undesirable and it had been saved as a last resort only.

"There you are!"

Shikamaru looked up to find Ino staring at him and he swallowed the bitter smoke of his cigarette, the sting and taste of it bringing tears to his eyes.

"I thought for sure…!" As Ino was wont to do, she threw herself at him, locking her arms dangerously tight around his neck as she forced him into submission. "How could you do this do me!"

"Sorry, Ino," Shikamaru said simply, grimacing at the sky.

"Sorry won't cut it," Temari said from behind Ino. "What were you _thinking_?!"

Shikamaru couldn't help but smirk at the murderous look on Temari's round face. Leave it to women to cry over his potential death only to to then wish it when it failed to happen. "Does it get me out of trouble if I say I was thinking about your pretty face?"

"You can't sweet talk your way out of this one." Though her voice was stern, Temari smiled, bright and snarky as he hadn't seen on her face in a while. He'd always loved that smile. "You bastard."

"I don't get it," Ino said from the crook of his neck, moving her head enough for him to see her shimmering blue eyes. "How did you even manage to get yourself involved into something like that at all if you never did any of it?"

"Trouble has a way of finding its way to me." Shikamaru chuckled and patted Ino's head to placate her when she frowned in confusion. "Just trust me, Ino-chan."

* * *

Somehow, Shikamaru found himself at family Friday without any clear transition from his execution. With all the hassle, he had even forgotten that they fell on the same day, but Ino, true to herself, did not and dragged him to their meeting spot with the figurative noose still around his neck. And for once, he did not mind her affectionate antics.

They met outside of the walls, near the edge of the southern forest, where they would still be close to the village, but away from prying eyes. Where they could be family without any worries. Ino grunted as she placed a large pot on the grill above the fire they'd built. Stew was on the menu, it seemed. Shikamaru sat close to the fire, thankful for its warmth as his breath created visible clouds in the cold air.

Choji plopped down besides him. "You look better."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shikamaru teased, though he smirked.

Choji's serious frown remained. "That means this thing that's been bothering you for months is done now, yeah?"

Shikamaru deflated. Leave it to Choji to see what everyone else missed. "Yeah," Shikamaru said, nodding. "It is."

"Good." Choji lifted the lid of the pot, peeking inside. "That's the beef stew we made on Wednesday! I know it's great, then."

Shikamaru laughed to himself, shaking his head.

Ino dropped down besides him. "What're you two chatting about so secretly, huh? Why am I not in?"

"Choji was just telling me how pretty you were today." Much to his annoyance, Ino only slapped his shoulder. "What?"

"You're in a good mood, aren't you?" Ino said, eyes suddenly quieter, shining with relief. "That's weird for someone who just nearly died."

"Don't make such a big deal out of it, will you," Shikamaru groaned.

Already, he just wanted them all to forget what had happened, because that was what they should do. If he could have done otherwise and still succeed in his endeavor, Shikamaru wouldn't have made his face so public, but there was no other pawn to be shoved into his position this time.

All around the fire, the others granted his wish without an afterthought, it seemed. Gaara and Kankuro seemed engrossed in a discussion with Choza, and Temari was left on the sidelines to grimace in disgust. Shizune sat with Lee, enthusiastically describing a medical procedure she'd performed, leaving Lee as green as his old suit they all missed so much but would never dare admit to missing. Shizune spoke of disgusting details as if baby Asuma wasn't in her arms, chewing on the sleeve of her yukata. Konohamaru, too, was looking ill between them.

Feeling his eyes on him, Konohamaru's gaze shifted to Shikamaru. Instantly, his expression soured and he looked away, snippy. In the end, Shikamaru couldn't do it all, just like he always had. Choji had been the one to care for the boy, after all.

"Yamato-kun!" Ino suddenly called as she jumped to her feet. "You made it!"

Shikamaru looked up to find Yamato approaching and his heart leapt into his throat.

"Yes," Yamato said, awkward as he scratched the back of his head. His other hand was on the shoulder of a young brown-haired girl Shikamaru knew all too well. "I brought a friend. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not!" Ino cheered, clapping her hands together in glee. She locked arms with Asami, a devilish grin on her lips. "There's not enough girls to gossip with around here!"

Asami blushed, flashing Ino a bright smile. "I didn't want to intrude, but Yamato-kun seemed to think we would fit right in."

At Asami's side was her little brother, Kato, clutching her hand. He remained silent, staring at his feet as he tried to avoid any and all attention thrown in his direction.

"You bet you will!" Ino sat with her, leaving Yamato and Kato to sit together in awkward silence. Yamato tried to strike a friendly conversation, but the boy only stared at him in adamant silence. "Your name's Ai, right?"

"Ah, actually, it's Asami," Yamato interjected quickly, fire on his cheeks. They all knew _Ai_ and what she did, and how she most likely found her way into family friday. "Ai is only a cute nickname."

Asami hummed in agreement, though her cheeks burned just the same color as Yamato's. "It is."

"Oh, I see," Ino said, eyes wide. "That's good, Asami is even cuter!"

Ino babbled on as they waited for the stew to heat up, and Shikamaru could only be glad he had never shown his face to Asami. Out of all his pawns, she had been the easiest one to enroll. A trick or two with his shadow jutsu and Asami was terrified enough of him to never a speak a word of the ghost who demanded she lend him her eyes into her part of the camp. But he was not greedy, so he paid her for all information she reported, usually in food from the kitchen that she traded with Hinata or Gaara for other goods she and her brother needed. Shikamaru had a few of these pairs of eyes spread throughout the village, and he paid them all in the same manner, which left him to hunt and gather for his own survival. It was forbidden to do so, as it would cause chaos should everyone suddenly do the same, but Shikamaru forced himself to remember it was justified in his case by duty.

"You know her."

Shikamaru turned a bored eye to Ino. "Who?"

" _Ai_ ," she sniggered. "Don't lie, you do."

Playing along for Ino's sake, Shikamaru smiled awkwardly. "I have no idea what you are talking about, Ino."

He played along, because he could not bear to see the smile wiped off Ino's face again. Choji might understand the harshness of life itself, but Ino dreamed of better, always, and Shikamaru could not take that from her. He wanted the world the world to be as simple as she saw it.

"Oh, you dirty, dirty man," she chastised. "I would never have thought."

"Never have thought what," Temari cut in, squeezing between Ino and Shikamaru, always wiser to Shikamaru's ruses. She didn't have such delusions and could never think he would be motivated by such rote prospects as what Ai offered. "Tell me."

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Ino said quickly, waving a dismissive hand as she faked a bright and cheerful smile. "Let's eat!"

As if nothing had happened, Ino served them, helped by Choji.

"I shouldn't ask, right?" Temari said, then took a sip of the stew's thick broth.

Shikamaru nodded, chewing in silence.

"Did - " Temari stopped, frowning.

"Yes, I was in contact with her when we were together," Shikamaru answered simply, knowing where she was getting at already. "But you know that's not what it was."

Temari nodded and they continued eating, though the air was heavier on their shoulders.

Long after they were done eating and the sky had turned dark, the group remained around the fire. Chatting, laughing, enjoying the one good time they could have without thinking of tomorrow. Shikamaru smiled, sitting a distance from it all against a tree, Temari at his side. She was unusually quiet tonight, but he could hardly blame her. During their previous Fridays, Temari would prefer to enjoy picking on Ino, feeding off her flaring temper.

"I'm cold," Temari said, shifting closer to him.

Shikamaru knew what it was, what game she was playing, but he couldn't find it within himself to devise a plan this time. He lifted the blanket that was wrapped around him, allowing Temari to press against his side. She, too, had her own blanket, and was not cold. The ground might have been freezing under them, but they were well dressed for the low temperatures and the fire made up for what they lacked.

As if he was cold as well, Shikamaru leaned against Temari, pulling her closer as he wrapped an arm around her broad shoulders.

A distance from them, Shikamaru eyed Yamato and Asami, who were in much the same position he and Temari were. Yamato sat much closer to the fire, Asami cooped up against him where she had dozed off. Lighter than Shikamaru had seem him in months, Yamato looked up to the sky, an easy smile on his lips. Shikamaru hardly knew how to feel about it. He was the one to have directed Asami towards him in order to reveal Goro's involvement with the Kizanu without exposing himself, but he was at a loss now. Asami was a sweet girl, he knew, but why was she here? Perhaps, he thought, Asami would leech what she could from Yamato, but seeing them relaxed and at ease, he doubted the gratefulness in Asami's eyes earlier could have been anything but genuine. She was fond of Yamato, and he, of her. What a strange result to an unrelated series of events.

_Loneliness_ , Shikamaru chuckled to himself. It did strange things to people.

Temari's hand slipped under his shirts, her fingertips cold against the skin of his abdomen. Her hand traveled up slowly, flattening against the hard line of his chest. Shikamaru closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. Her fingers slid to his ribs, where they latched on and pulled him tighter against her. She pressed her lips to his shoulder, silent.

"You're troublesome," Shikamaru whispered, turning to her as he cracked one eye open.

"You like complaining about troublesome," Temari said, mischievous eyes glancing up at him and a smirk on her beautiful face, "but you like your troublesome."

"Maybe," Shikamaru relented when her hand resumed its exploration.

Temari leaned forward and Shikamaru couldn't think of a reason not to press his lips against hers - or rather, he didn't listen to reason. Smirking against his lips, Temari kissed him harder and Shikamaru made no effort to win whatever game she was making them play.

"Let's go somewhere quieter," she whispered in his ear.

Hardly caring who would see them, Shikamaru cupped Temari's cheeks in his palms and planted another long kiss onto her lips, a fire ignited in his veins he couldn't douse so easily. He was a man like any other, and he missed Temari's comforts after months without them.

"This isn't a happy ending in a movie," Shikamaru breathed out between two kisses. "I can't give that to you."

Temari hesitated, so briefly he almost missed it, and caught his lips in another kiss. "I know. I don't care. I want this."

Shikamaru couldn't be bothered to do the right thing. He was no white knight. Vices were not unknown to him and he, too, could be weak and forget what the better course of actions was. He, too, could be selfish. Temari encouraged him, all the way to his house, and then his bed. Once Temari was moaning under him, Shikamaru could hardly tell which way was up and which was down anymore. All that mattered was how she felt around him and reaching satisfaction, then her lulling warmth as she fell asleep against him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her in her sleep, placing a kiss on the top of her head as he stroked her hair.

He loved her. He really did. He didn't know if it would ever stop and he didn't know if he wished it could stop. Loving her hurt, but no longer loving her drained all meaning from everything he'd clung to with her.

Shikamaru looked down at his shoulder, where the mark of the ANBU had been branded on him years ago already. Temari had seen it many times now, but she had always known better than to ask. That very mark had been the beginning of their relationship, but he had never found the courage to tell her. Without it, he would never have been assigned to befriend her and Gaara. That was all it had been about, of course; someone had to keep an eye on the monster boy. Long ago, Shikamaru had realized it was all useless, that Naruto had truly transformed Gaara and won them one of the best allies Konoha could ever wish for. Yet no one put an end to his mission or said anything when he didn't end his relationship with Temari.

Often, he had wondered if Tsunade hadn't purposefully done it, if only to give him a reason to remain close to Temari. Few other assignments would allow him to travel between Suna and Konoha so freely. How else could they have stayed together, otherwise?

And that was why he would remain loyal to his true Hokage.

The Hokage was meant to be a person with heart, caring of his people without distinguishing them. A leader to unite them as one people and breathe life into them. The Hokage was far more than a military leader. A military leader was what Hiashi was. That was not Konoha and its Will of Fire.

More than any other ninja in the village, the ANBU obeyed orders from the Hokage and the Hokage alone. That was exactly what Shikamaru had done; fulfill his mission bestowed upon him by the Hokage that had inked the symbol of the Leaf onto his shoulder. It didn't matter that Tsunade was dead.

" _Take that man down,"_ Tsunade had ordered, weeks before her death. Shikamaru had sat by her bed, watching her spit more blood everyday. He had been the soldier she wanted, immobile and uncaring at her side, listening, though it killed him to watch her die. " _If he becomes an enemy of Konoha's true nature, should he become Hokage in Kakashi's place, take him down. That's your last mission as ANBU. Hear me?"_

Shikamaru had kept his promise. Now, he would guard the Hokage's position until the next true Hokage came back.

* * *

Shikamaru could only grin pathetically as he retrieved baby Asuma from Choji's house. The previous night, being busy with Temari, he had left Choji to care for the child without even asking him. Of course, Choji had been as accommodating as always and taken up the task without complaint.

"Sorry about that," Shikamaru said as he took Asuma's hand. The baby had grown taller and could hardly be called a baby anymore. He was a toddler, standing on his own legs and clutching Shikamaru's hand in his own for support. "I owe you one."

"No biggie," Choji said, offering Shikamaru a warm smile. "I can understand."

"I'll see you later," Shikamaru said as he turned on his heels.

"Later," Choji said, closing the door behind him.

Quiet, and most especially _slowly_ , Shikamaru walked to the center of the village to headquarters, Asuma in tow, who did his best to keep up with Shikamaru with his short, stubby legs. Once in his office, Shikamaru took the child's hands and hoisted him up on his table as he laughed.

"You like that, huh?" Shikamaru smiled, lifting him again. "This is fun to you?"

Asuma bubbled with laughter, oblivious to the world around him. "Daddy!"

Shikamaru froze, eyes wide with shock. "I'm not your daddy," he finally said.

To this, too, Asuma was oblivious, smiling uninterrupted and only failing his legs to encourage Shikamaru into putting him down. Shikamaru let him sit on the edge of the table and sighed.

"Shikamaru," Gaara called from the door, no doubt having heard too much.

"Come in." Shikamaru put Asuma down on the floor, leaving him to go play with blocks of wood he'd carved into toys for him. "What's up?"

"Hiashi's impeachment was made official last night by the heads of all departments," Gaara said, carefully avoiding that Shikamaru was not present in such a meeting. It was not unusual for Gaara to be present, though, due to his own position. "It was decided that a jonin forum would be held in three days to vote for our next Hokage. I presume you will be applying?"

Shikamaru sighed. "I'm hardly left with any other choice."

"Your candidature was already heavily suggested," Gaara agreed. "All better candidates are dead or missing."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Shikamaru chuckled, smirking. "I see you have much faith in me."

Gaara looked uneasy, frowning. "I was not implying - "

"Loosen up," Shikamaru said, shrugging his shoulders. "I know what you meant."

"Of course." Gaara smiled, genuinely for once, a hint of mockery to himself. "Perhaps you should get ready for your speech."

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru muttered, crouching to watch Asuma bang two wooden kunai together. "I'll be fine."

Without another word, Gaara was gone.

* * *

"It fits you well," Hinata said, hiding a shy smile behind her fidgeting fingers.

Shikamaru turned to face her. He'd thought he might be alone for a moment once they'd, predictably, voted him Hokage. Grunting, he looked down at himself and the white coat that had been fashioned for him, the kanji for fire stitched into its back with red cloth.

"I don't see why they bothered," Shikamaru said, shrugging.

"It speaks volumes of what is thought of you," Hinata said softly as she stepped into his office and shut the door behind her. "Don't you think?"

"I'm no less of a placeholder than Hiashi was," Shikamaru countered, frowning. "I have no delusions about this."

"Yes, of course." Hinata offered him a small smile, then stared down at her feet. Though he knew she understood why all of it had to happen, shame still found its way into her features. "You will do well."

"I'm sorry," Shikamaru said, stepping closer to Hinata to place a supportive hand on her shoulder, "for all I made you do. Thank you for understanding."

Hinata shook her head quickly. "No, do not apologize for my father's actions," she said, looking up at Shikamaru with more confidence. "It is only fair. I am thankful he will be punished no further beyond his demotion. I know your advisors did not all agree with you…"

Hiashi had done wrong, but he had meant no harm. A devoted heart deserved mercy. "I was apologizing for the position I put you in."

"It would be hypocritical of me to condemn my father for his beliefs, yet uphold them." Hinata stared down at her hands, fidgeting against her stomach. "That is what I did for too long. You pushed me to fight for what I believe. You need not apologize."

Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably. Hinata was much like Ino at times. Hopeful and wishing for the best, but she knew what kind of monsters hid underneath the surface of it all. Speaking of his intention in such ways was naive at best. What she believed was of little consequence to him and the reinforcement of it had only been collateral damage.

"Don't look so glum," Hinata said, snapping him back to attention. She smiled again, though this time she did not hide. "You will do what's right, I know it from the bottom of my heart."

"Thanks, Hinata."

Though he had spoken with a warm voice, his gratitude was fabricated. He left her in his office, preferring to venture outside to go climb the eastern wall of Konoha. There, he would find solitude. Under the stony gazes of the Hokages, his moral compass would be of no importance. Never had Shikamaru considered himself one to care for the dilemmas of philosophy, and he still did not. Moral debates rarely ended well - much less with any clear answer. Shikamaru would follow logic, but logic seldom provided one singular answer.

He would make a terrible Hokage.

All he knew to do was hide in the dark and he only showed his true face when he unleashed the unstoppable mastodons that were his plans. Everything and anything he displayed before that was pure comedy, a play to trap his opponents in acting with him. Still, Shikamaru could only smirk to himself. He took pride in his work, and it both disgusted him and thrilled him. What shinobi did not know his dilemma?

Atop the wall, Shikamaru gazed into the distance.

Then, his eyes went wide and his jaw slack. His stomach sank deeper than ever before. He had warned Kakashi about it, yet Shikamaru found himself frozen where he stood, unable to tear his eyes away from the distant form of the Kyuubi.

It roared, lighting terror in Shikamaru's blood.


	31. No More Aces

Sasuke lied on his side in the boat, staring up at the sky. He was sick of the sun beating down on him. Just at the coast, it had hardly been warm enough to be felt on his skin. Out here, he could tell it had burnt the skin he hadn’t covered. At the very least, it wasn’t too hot either. Sasuke was just comfortable in his thinnest layer of clothing. Though, comfortable wasn’t quite the word to describe his current situation. A headache threatened to split his head open and he was starting to wonder if speaking would cause open sores in his mouth. 

 

Dehydration. Sasuke chuckled to himself. Out of all the ways to go, how anticlimactic was it? Dying, doing nothing but laying there and waiting for it. It worried Sasuke very little, unlike knowing that others would die with him. Kakashi seemed to be in the same apathetic state, but well conscious, playing with the baby to keep him active. Sakura, on the other hand, had been fighting to remain conscious for a while now.

 

“Sakura,” Sasuke called, reaching out to shake her shoulder. “Sakura.”

 

“Leave me alone,” she muttered, refusing to look his way.

 

Sasuke swallowed against his dry throat. Kakashi did his best to ignore it and neither of them wanted to talk about, but it was clear. Sakura would go before them. Maybe long before them. With the baby to feed, she lost liquids much faster than them. Kakashi met his eye, jaw tight. 

 

In his mind, Sasuke scrambled for a solution, but none came to him. They had run out of chakra long ago, and with no food to replenish it, they would get nowhere. At the edge of his consciousness, Sasuke wished to end their misery once dehydration became too severe to be reversible. The corner of Sasuke’s mouth tugged up in a pathetic smile. He knew he could never do it.

 

“Sai?” 

 

Sasuke turned his head to look at Kakashi, a confused frown on his face.

 

“Sai!” Kakashi called louder, jumping to his feet. The boat wobbled under them and he nearly fell, but he clutched the baby tighter against his chest and waved in the air with his free arm. “Sai!”

 

Sasuke followed his line of sight, but he saw nothing. With one dead eye, his scope was largely reduced already, but Sasuke could still see the sky clearly with his other eye, even if some colors sometimes muddled together.

 

Sakura turned to look for what he saw, too, but she was quick to lay her head back down. “Kakashi…”

 

Kakashi ignored them and screamed Sai’s name again, much louder.

 

Heaving an annoyed sigh, Sasuke looked in the distance again, and his eyes widened. He jumped to his feet, too, and waved his arms as wide as he could. “Here!”

 

Now, he could see it -- Sai, on his ink bird, coming towards them. Sakura saw it too now. She scrambled to her feet, mouth gaping open but silent. 

 

It took far too long to Sasuke’s liking, but the bird finally swooped down and hovered close to the boat. 

 

“I’m relieved to finally find you,” Sai said, tired eyes on them. “So relieved.”

 

“Sai!” Sakura called, approaching the bird carefully. “Your bird… You made it.”

 

“It took many tries, but now the ink is stable enough,” Sai said, nodding. “Hurry, we must go back.”

 

They didn’t need to be told twice. Sasuke sat on the tail of the bird, Sakura propped up between him and Kakashi in case weakness overwhelmed her. Under their combined weight, the bird cried, but regained altitude at Sai’s order regardless. Now so up high in the air, Sasuke wasn’t surprised that they had never caught glimpse of shore. They still couldn’t, in fact, and it explained why it was so much warmer. 

 

When they finally reached the village again, Sasuke’s heart dropped into his stomach and he held Sakura tighter. Of course the tsunami would have destroyed it, but he had kept hope, somehow. A lone house still stood. On the beach, Sasuke quickly spotted Suigetsu and Juugo. Sai landed the bird and dismissed it as soon as they were all on the ground, his chakra certainly running dry by now, too.

 

“You fucking bastard!” Suigetsu shouted, grabbing Sasuke’s collar. “You fucking bastard!”

 

Sasuke could only smile lopsidedly. Juugo joined the fray quickly, wrapping a powerful arm around Sasuke’s shoulders. “We thought…”

 

Behind Juugo, Katashi and Hitomi stood, faces dark and tired. 

 

“Hana-san!” Sakura called as Hana walked to them, looking worse for wear, but alive.

 

Sakura smirked to himself. Leave it to old women to make it through natural disasters. Inari and Ichiro quickly followed suit, swarming around Kakashi and Sakura. 

 

“Is the baby okay?” Inari asked, peeking in Kakashi’s arms. “Oh, thank god.”

 

“Nobuya-san,” Kakashi said, nodding to the old man as he exited the surviving house. 

 

Nobuya nodded back, hurrying to meet them, followed by Ichiro and two more men Sasuke didn’t know the names of. “Sakura-san, Sasuke-san. It’s good to see you’ve made it.”

 

“The beast -- the Gobi,” Kakashi said quickly, quickly dissipating the joyous feeling in the air. “Where is it?”

 

“The Kizanu, they --" Inari began, but then frowned, at a loss.

 

“They sealed it,” Suigetsu cut in.

 

“Then they left?” Sasuke frowned as well, chest clenching. 

 

Suigetsu and Juugo nodded. Kakashi and Sasuke didn’t need more than a second to come to the same conclusion. 

 

“We have to go,” Sasuke said. “Now.”

 

“We can’t.” Sakura grabbed Sasuke’s sleeve, but weak as she was, she hardly stopped him from moving. “We’re too weak.”

 

“What choice do we have?” Kakashi countered, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You know what will happen.”

 

“They’re not going to destroy Konoha,” Sakura said, life returning to her eyes. “They will use the beast to take it over. If we’re weak, they will kill us and then there’s no chance to take it back --"

 

“We have to try,” Sasuke interjected. “This isn’t going to be a peaceful exchange, Sakura.”

 

“No, wait.” Sakura tugged harder on his sleeve. “Just a small detour. The medical facility I was supposed to go to. Sai --" She turned to look at him, pleading. “He can get us there fast. It’s only a small detour. I can set us up with IVs for the dehydration and I know for a fact that there are soldier pills there.”

 

Sasuke hesitated, glancing towards Kakashi. Kakashi nodded. “Let’s go right now.”

 

“What about them?” Suigetsu interrupted, pointing towards the civilians that had survived. “They can’t travel fast enough.”

 

“Then you have to stay back with them,” Sasuke said, firm. “Guide them back to Konoha. We’ll meet you there.”

 

“Let’s go,” Kakashi ordered again, in no mood to be patient.

 

As they hopped back on Sai’s bird, everyone watched them with wide eyes. They’d come and gone so fast they probably weren’t sure that all of this was even real. Sasuke counted them quickly. Fifteen, counting themselves. Fifteen out of forty seven.

 

…

 

Reaching the facility had been easy, as Sakura had said. Transported by Sai’s bird, they were there within the hour. Landing, though, proved to be more difficult, as Sai’s bird simply crashed into the ground and exploded into mere ink, sending all of them to the ground. Thankfully, they’d been low enough that it was only a minor inconvenience. 

 

Sakura rushed ahead of them, unlocking the door to the facility with what little chakra she had left. Sasuke tried to follow, but the door shut behind her and he could not open it. Kakashi waited with him, watching the door intently.

 

Only a few minutes later, Sakura returned, already crunching down on a soldier pill. She handed them each one.

 

“Sai,” she said as she sealed a pile of pill bottles and supplies into a scroll, “we’ll need your bird again. Carry us as far as you can. Just until we’re rehydrated enough. Then we can all run the rest of the way.”

 

Sai only nodded in response, watching in silence until she was done with the IVs.

 

“All good,” Sakura finally said. “Just make sure to hold the bags higher than the needle and keep some pressure on it.”

 

Kakashi and Sasuke didn’t need to be told twice. 

 

Back on the bird, Sasuke’s heart hammered in his ears. Konoha was three days away still. With some luck, perhaps they would catch up to the Kizanu and prevent any major crisis from breaking out before it ever had the chance. All they needed to do was kill the jinchuuriki, after all. If he died, the beast would vanish immediately. But three days seemed like an eternity, stuck on a bird’s back and watching the trees come and go under them. It was far too peaceful a scenery for the urgency that overwhelmed Sasuke. 

 

In front of him, Sakura fished in the large bag she had retrieved from the facility and handed him a ration meal. “Here,” she said, then offered the same to Kakashi. “We keep this at every facility, just in case… Looks like it was a really great idea, huh?”

 

Like Sakura and Kakashi, Sasuke’s hands fumbled to tear open the can. Though Sasuke knew he should eat much slower in order to keep everything down, he still barely chewed his first mouthful. Nearly three days without food made it nearly impossible to do otherwise. The canned meat tasted absolutely disgusting, he was sure, so he was glad that his tongue had gone numb a while ago already.

 

When Sai had to let them down several hours later, Sasuke was glad. Running would occupy his mind a little, as mindless as it was.

 

…

 

“We’re close,” Sasuke said. 

 

He could feel it in his blood. The village was well hidden within the forest, but his senses had been sharpened to find it since birth, so Sasuke trusted them. Kakashi and Sakura had traveled in the same direction without a word, so he knew he had to be right. Quickly, he bounded to the treetops, hoping for a better view.

 

From the highest tree he found, Sasuke could see as far in the distance as he wished. The crater of the old Konoha found its way to his sight first, then the new village was easy to find, but Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat.

 

“Oh my god,” Sakura said from the branch besides him. “It can’t be…”

 

Kakashi remained silent, balling his fist.

 

In the distance, the Kyuubi roared, and Sasuke could have sworn the ground shook. As if called by the other tailed beast, the Gobi appeared from thin air, escaping his host’s control. It, too, roared. 

 

Sasuke glanced at Sakura, so terrified her eyes quivered. 

 

They could hardly take on one beast, let alone two. Sasuke couldn’t even think straight enough to figure out if it was an advantage or disadvantage that they were on opposite ends of the village. 

 

“We have to seal it,” Kakashi finally said. “Them.”

 

“How?” Sakura cried. “And who --"

 

Sasuke’s head snapped towards Kakashi, understanding his plan quickly. “Kakashi --"

 

“There’s no time for argument,” Kakashi interrupted, biting his thumb to break the skin. Then, he removed his shirts and painted the seal on his stomach. “Sasuke.”

 

“Yes.” Sasuke nodded. “I know. I’ll use it.”

 

If there was one use to be made of the sharingan, it was to tame the beasts.

 

“No!” Sakura cried out, catching Kakashi’s arm to stop him from completing the seal. “No!”

 

“It’s okay, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi said, smiling for her. He reached in his pocket and retrieved a card. Sasuke could only smile to himself, wanting no more than to shake his head. “I still have one card left. So we’ll play again tonight, okay?”

 

Kakashi twirled the king of clubs between his fingers and Sakura soon relented, staring down at her feet. The baby fussed against her chest, but she ignored it.

 

“Don’t worry, Sakura,” Sasuke said, cupping the side of her head in his palm to kiss her temple. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

 

Sakura didn’t try to argue. Kakashi lowered his mask and planted one long kiss on her lips, then one on Shoyu’s forehead, and then darted ahead. Sasuke followed, refusing to look back to see Sakura staring at them. 

 

Before they could decide which beast to approach first, a wall of sand rammed into the Gobi. 

 

“Gaara,” Kakashi said. “Let’s get the Kyuubi, then.”

 

It was a small relief to know that Gaara was on their side now. With the power of his sand, he might as well still have been considered a jinchuuriki. 

 

Sasuke landed on the ground, staring up at the humongous beast that barreled its way towards him and Kakashi. First, they would have to weaken it, if that was possible at all.

 

Kakashi took it upon himself to begin the task; he inflated his lungs as he performed the seals for the fireball jutsu and ran into the forest. Sasuke immediately ran to cover the other side and climbed in the trees again. 

 

When the fireball appeared and exploded into the Kyuubi’s side, Sasuke’s eyes went wide. The sheer size of it was amazing -- so much more than what Kakashi should be able to create, but Sasuke realized now that perhaps the Sharingan had only ever held Kakashi back, as it drained his chakra constantly.

 

The Kyuubi roared in pain, sweeping the terrain with his tails.

 

Sasuke narrowly avoided one, jumping to another tree. Frowning, Sasuke unsheathed his sword and channelled his chakra into it. He’d never had to use it to this extent, but he should be able to make it work. If he funnelled at least half his chakra into it, he could transform his sword into one of the magnitude of Susano’o’s. He charged forward, swinging his sword once he was close enough. The blade buzzed with the sound of a thousand birds, ringing in his ears, and swiftly chopped off one of the Kyuubi’s tails.

 

The Kyuubi sweeped his remaining tails in Sasuke's direction, but missed, unable to see Sasuke. It didn’t take long for it to spot the sword and follow it back to Sasuke, and this time Sasuke was sent flying into a tree. His fall was cushioned by the leaves and his chakra, so he quickly got back to his feet and charged at the Kyuubi once more, this time leaving a gaping wound in its side.

 

Kakashi attacked then as well, unleashing electric dragons that caught the Kyuubi’s attention long enough for Sasuke to take another tail. Sasuke retreated immediately, planning his next blow, but atop a tree, he saw Kakashi hadn’t had such luck in evading the Kyuubi this time. Stuck halfway up a tree, Kakashi deflected the Kyuubi’s attacks with attacks of his own, but he was pinned. It wasn’t long before it spun around, attacking wildly with its tails, and Sasuke spotted Kakashi far too high in the air. The fall would be brutal, certainly incapacitating him if he didn’t find a way to break it.

 

Sasuke ran towards him, but he was too far away to help, he knew. 

 

A branch sprouted out of thin air, it appeared, and caught Kakashi mid-air -- though far from gently from the pained grunt Kakashi let out. The branch retracted and Sasuke followed it to find Yamato and Kakashi on the ground, covered from the Kyuubi’s view by the thick forest. Kakashi was kneeling on the ground, clutching his side as he lowered his mask and spat blood.

 

“Sorry, it’s not quite like before yet,” Yamato said from Kakashi side, a sheepish smile on his face. 

 

“Can you get up?” Sasuke cut in.

 

Kakashi nodded and he stood, though slowly. 

 

“Kakashi!” Sakura appeared from between the trees, rushing to them. “I saw -- “

 

Immediately, she rushed to Kakashi’s side, hands glowing green. 

 

“What are you doing -- “

 

“Shush,” Sakura said, stern. “I’m your medic. I won’t let you fail this because I have to stay back.”

 

As soon as he was fine, Kakashi pushed her away from him. “Go now. Protect him.”

 

Sakura nodded, hugging the baby tighter to her chest where he cried in his sling.

 

Kakashi nodded to Sasuke and Sasuke returned the gesture. It was time. They couldn’t keep this up any longer. Attacks this powerful couldn’t be used many times without completely depleting their chakra; they would need some to seal the Kyuubi. Sasuke rushed to the frontline again, firing up his chakra and sword again. He climbed to the top of the trees and pointed it to the Kyuubi. Immediately, the Kyuubi faced him and roared. 

 

“You think you can take me on?” Sasuke shouted, keeping its attention off Kakashi who would climb on its back from behind. The beast moved towards him, slower this time, wiser now that it had already lost two tails and was oozing blood. “Try!” Sasuke swung his sword when it came closer, shaving a few hairs off the Kyuubi’s chest. “I am Uchiha Sasuke, last of the Uchiha!”

 

Sasuke focused chakra in his eye, summoning Susano’o. The Kyuubi hesitated, watching the demon as it fleshed out around Sasuke. 

 

“Surrender to my Sharingan!” 

 

Sasuke leapt from the tree to face the Kyuubi head on. Though Susano’o was smaller than the Kyuubi, it still matched it in strength. The Kyuubi sat on its hind legs to catch Susano’o's hands in its own, struggling to not be overpowered.

 

Sasuke stared straight in the Kyuubi’s eyes, large as they were, and his Sharingan spun faster and faster, hypnotizing the beast. Slowly, Sasuke could feel its strength bleeding away and Susano’o kept it immobilized now. 

 

“Now!” Sasuke shouted to Kakashi. “Do it!”

 

On the Kyuubi’s back, Sasuke could see the beginning of the sealing process. Electricity seemed to emerge from its back, running through the field and lighting trees on fire. The Kyuubi roared, regaining some of his strength. 

 

“Stay put!” Sasuke ground out, feeling Susano’o weaken. His vision blurred by the second, but Sasuke didn’t relent, pouring all he had into his Sharingan. “You monster!”

 

But the Kyuubi refused to obey. It roared again when its chakra began to be sucked into Kakashi and Sasuke could feel the hold of his eye breaking. Before he could move, the Kyuubi had pushed Susano’o back and swiped at Sasuke with its claw, sending him flying. 

 

Up in the air, Sasuke tried to regain his bearings, but he simply couldn’t. Instead, he choked on blood. Frantic, he felt his throat, finding a deep cut below it on his collarbone. Though he could hardly tell where the Kyuubi had cut him, Sasuke was no idiot. His chest was hardly the only part of his body injured. He could feel blood running down his side, pouring from him. As his strength left him, Sasuke could no longer control Susano’o and it melted around him.

 

Already as Susano’o dissipated around him and he fell towards the ground, Sasuke knew what was coming. Even as pain seared through his nerves, blinding him, he’d heard Kakashi’s pained screams. He had failed. It was hard to tell right then what state Kakashi was in. Failed attempts at sealing could result in death, or nothing. Clearly, it wasn’t the nothing, though. When he finally landed on the ground, the wind was knocked out of him, leaving Sasuke to gasp for breath for a moment.

 

Staring up at the whiteness of the full moon, Sasuke wanted nothing more than to get up and  fight . His limbs refused to respond, though, and Sasuke couldn’t blame them, really, with the amount of blood he felt pouring from his wound. So, he looked up, taking in the moon and the way the leaves just barely obstructed his view. For all he knew to be happening around him, it was awfully quiet.

 

Had he passed out already? It didn’t feel like it. It was probably just the adrenaline still coursing through his system -- and a generous dose of endorphins from his wound. That explained why so many people were so quiet in their last moments. It probably wouldn’t be long before he would faint, though. 

 

“Sasuke!”

 

Sakura.  Sakura . 

 

Sasuke tried to call for her, but his throat was shut. Were his lungs touched?

 

“Sasuke! Oh no, no, no!”

 

Sakura fell to her knees at his side, the baby cradled to her chest still. Tears were staining her face and Sasuke’s first thought was to laugh. She was always crying over him. Always so worried, so sad. So torn. 

 

Thankfully, he finally gathered the strength to raise his arm. He cupped her cheek in his palm, stroking it slowly with his thumb. He felt bad for the amount of blood he was smearing on her face. He could see all the blood that covered his own arm, but all that he really saw was the striking green color of Sakura’s eyes.

 

Sakura was panicking, clutching at his hand, and then placing the wailing baby on the ground. Her hands glowed green, but Sasuke knew better. Sakura was a medic -- an exceptional one -- and she recognized the absurdity. So, Sasuke reached for her hand, keeping it in his as he waited for the seconds to tick by.

 

“Sasuke-kun.” Sakura’s voice broke. “Don’t…”

 

That’s right. Kakashi was injured, too. Yamato, too. Sakura was endangering herself and Shoyu being so close to the battle. 

 

Feeling his heartbeat erratic again, Sasuke pushed Sakura away, though his attempt was feeble at best. His vision was fading, darkness gnawing at the sides. It would have been comforting, maybe, if Sasuke didn’t know he was simply going blind. He knew how it felt; this wasn’t the first time nor the second. Sakura deflected his hand, caressing his cheek with her own, brushing his hair away from his face.

 

Go! I don’t need you. How stupid are you? They need you -- hurry up already!

 

Still, no sound came from his throat. Sakura remained at his side, tears spilling from her cheeks onto his.

 

You’re useless. Leave, already. Think of Kakashi.

 

Words so close to the ones he said, that night, so many years ago. They were still children. If she could just hear him, she would leave. She would be so angry she would slap him. 

 

So, he tried harder.

 

Sakura…

 

For a brief instant, he saw her eyes, full of worry and anguish, so like her, and then nothing else. He would miss her. He’d never been afraid of death, Sasuke convinced himself. But now that his breath was coming shorter and shorter, he felt stupid. Of course people feared death. There was so much he would miss, now.

 

...

 

“Brother.”

 

Sasuke started awake when something hit his forehead. Recoiling, he opened his eyes, then opened them wider as his breath left him. Itachi stood before him, two fingers inches away from Sasuke’s face. “Itachi…”

 

Lost, Sasuke looked around, spinning on his heels as his mind reeled, the adrenaline flooding his bloodstream once more. Then, as he registered that there was nothing, nothing but white, Sasuke slowed down until he stopped. 

 

“It’s okay, little brother.”

 

“Is it?” Sasuke turned to his brother, tempted to reach out and touch him, just to know if he was being delusional in his last moments.

 

“There’s nothing we can do anymore.”

 

Sasuke stared at his hands, finding no blood on them. “It’s over?”

 

Itachi nodded. “It’s over.”

 

It was hard to react even. Sasuke wanted to lash out, to scream in agony and curse his fate, but he also felt light, relieved of every single burden that had ever weighed on him. 

 

“I’m proud of you, Sasuke.”

 

Sasuke’s head shot up and he stared at Itachi, lips parted to speak words he didn’t have the courage to say. 

 

“You did well,” Itachi said, smiling. “You did everything you could for your friends. You took the right path, Sasuke.”

 

When Itachi smiled, Sasuke realized that he’d forgotten how it felt. Forgotten how Itachi looked when he smiled. The hatred was behind him; only, it didn’t bring back the nicer memories of his childhood, after so long. 

 

“Aren’t you tired?”

 

Was he? He couldn’t feel anything. Itachi started walking, leading Sasuke to where he knew he could rest. 

 

“Ah.”

 

“What is it, brother?” Sasuke asked, watching Itachi as he looked behind Sasuke.

 

“Your friend is here.” Itachi chuckled, shaking his head. “I should have expected as much of him.” Before Sasuke could turn around to see who Itachi was talking about, his brother grabbed his shoulder, offering him another smile. “That makes me happy. I’m glad.” Then, Itachi pulled him a tight embrace. When he pulled away, he poked Sasuke’s forehead in his same childish manner. “Be happy, brother. Go now.”

 

Sasuke couldn’t respond before Itachi spun him around and shoved him away. “Brother!” 

 

When he looked to see where Itachi had been, Sasuke scrambled a few feet back, falling on his back. “Naruto?”

 

All that Sasuke had tried so hard to avoid -- to forget -- for months assaulted him. 

 

“Do it!” 

 

The battle was almost over. The next few instants would determine the end, Sasuke knew. “I can’t!”

 

“Sasuke, do it!” Naruto shouted, the anger in his eyes harsher than Sasuke had ever seen in them. “Now or it will be too late!”

 

Before he realized it, Sasuke obeyed. It was easy. Naruto didn’t try to resist. Chidori pierced his heart with ease. Naruto wouldn’t even begin to heal; his chakra was far too low. And as he watched Naruto's eyes, heard him praise him, Sasuke trembled. Naruto’s blood was gushing onto his arm, dripping down to his chest, warming his skin.

 

“Say goodbye to Sakura-chan and Kakashi-sensei for me, huh?” Naruto smiled. How could he smile? “And everyone else, too.”

 

“No, no, no!” Sasuke pulled his hand away frantically, catching Naruto as he fell against him. “Naruto, you…!”

 

“C’mon, Sasuke…” Naruto was going limp in his arms. He was really dying. “You’ve got a battle to finish for us. Don’t make this worthless. Hurry up!”

 

With rage flowing through his veins, Sasuke was able to pull away from Naruto and face Madara again. Madara didn’t bother finishing the preparation for his jutsu. It was useless now. He needed the nine beasts in Naruto to do so.

 

“How does it feel?” Madara laughed. “To kill your own best friend?”

 

Sasuke was rooted to the spot, trembling harder with rage, with fear, with madness. “You left us no choice! He left me no choice!”

 

“Did we?” Madara clucked his tongue and shook his head. “Or was that what you wanted all along, Sasuke?”

 

Sasuke couldn’t answer.

 

“Isn’t that why you took your brothers’ eyes?”

 

Sasuke’s stomach churned, the contents threatening to come back up any second.

 

“Look around you.” Madara laughed again, maniacal. “It’s over! You did the hard work for me! Now be a good boy and stay quiet.”

 

Sasuke did look around him. Cocoons. Death. Blood. Even Sakura and Kakashi were trapped in the Infinite Tsukuyomi. They had failed. He had failed. 

 

But Sasuke could hear Naruto in the back of his head, shouting at him to snap out of it. To finish this.

 

And he did. Up until then, Sasuke had thought he knew what madness and insanity felt like. How wrong he had been. How he had even slain Madara was a mystery to him. Had he? Was that all it took to break the genjutsu? 

 

“Hey, Sasuke!” Naruto laughed, holding his hand out for him. “So scared of me? Wait until I tell the others!”

 

Quivering, Sasuke took his hand, letting Naruto haul him back up on his feet. “I killed you.”

 

Naruto’s face scrunched up and he mumbled a few mangled syllables before saying, “Yeah, I didn’t give you much of a choice. Sorry about that.”

 

“Madara was going to take control of the tailed beasts in you, you said,” Sasuke said faintly. “You said the world was over if I didn’t kill you.”

 

“Yeah, that was all true.” Naruto scratched the back of his head. “You did the right thing. I don’t know if I could have done it in your place.”

 

Feeling returned to Sasuke’s limbs, and he’d never wanted so badly to strangle someone. “You  what ?”

 

“Hey, hey!” Naruto held his hands in defense. “I’m just a big softie, you know! That’s why we need you!” 

 

Sasuke didn’t know what to say. 

 

Naruto squirmed under his gaze until he finally clapped Sasuke on the back. “It’s okay now. Everything’s fixed.”

 

“No it’s not,” Sasuke countered, though the fight left him.

 

“It is,” Naruto said, nodding. “Everything is alright now, okay, Sasuke?”

 

Somehow, Sasuke was finally able to relax. It all left him, the anger, the pain, the madness, the exhaustion. 

 

“C’mon, Sasuke-teme!” Naruto grinned, pulling Sasuke with him as he walked. “Let’s go now, together.”

 

Sasuke breathed out. Everything was fading to black around him. 

 

“Okay.”

 


	32. Chapter 31: King of Clubs

Chakra twisted in Kakashi's seared guts.  Burned by chakra, and yet it was chakra that healed him, slithering inside like cool mint to soothe his wounds.  It was Sakura's chakra, and so fitting that it was just like her.

 

Moving was too painful, so Kakashi could only hold Shoyu in stiff arms and watch Sakura weep over Sasuke.

 

In the distance, the Gobi reared on hind legs and the whole earth shook as it came down.  And then the five-tailed beast was framed by two huge figures, recognizable as Chouza and Chouji.

 

Close enough to feel the roiling chakra rolling off of it was the Kyuubi, whose roar of pain shook leaves from trees.  Yamato was finding himself again, it seemed, snaking binding wood up one giant paw while the collective Nara used shadows to try and hold the rest of the Kyuubi, if even for a minute.

 

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura sobbed helplessly, paying the large scale battle unfolding around them absolutely no mind.

 

Sasuke was long past responding, the rapid rise and fall of his chest, one side and then another like a grotesque puppet, matching ghastly wheezes.

 

Above it all, Shoyu shrieked and shrieked and shrieked.  This was the only sound Kakashi welcomed, one he would never tire of again.

 

Kakashi watched it all as if it was someone else's life happening before his eyes.  Sights he could disassociate from, even sounds, but smells -- smells would always be his downfall.  And the horrible, distinctive odor of chakra burnt flesh mixed with the sweet tang of freshly spilling blood was not something Kakashi could escape from.

 

Sasuke was dying.

 

Naruto had died, too, Kakashi knew, but there had been no body, nothing to see, nothing to feel, nothing to smell.  It had just disappeared as if Naruto had never been.  Sasuke would not disappear.  He would leave this world just like he came into it: struggling, wounded, agonized.

 

Team Seven would truly be finished, then, back to Sakura and Kakashi left to fend for themselves and somehow make a life alone.

 

Sasuke's chest stopped moving.  He stopped wheezing.  Even though all the other sounds kept on, it was a type of silence.

 

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura keened, almost unintelligible for sobs.  Kakashi had no comfort for her.  Not this time.

 

Kakashi had spent so much time wishing for the little boy Kakashi had seen himself in to return home.  He'd convinced himself that little boy was lost for good.

 

And yet here Sasuke was, sacrificing his Sharingan --  _ dying _ \-- for a failed plan with nothing to gain, no revenge to enact, just a half-baked effort to save a city that, like Kakashi, had never accepted him home.

 

All that time spent wishing, and Kakashi never saw that his wish came true.

 

In the silence, Sakura stood, eyes and mouth shut so tight they trembled, tears still streaking down her cheeks. Her fists balled at her sides and Kakashi could only watch, powerless to help her both in mind and body. He knew all too well the darkness that engulfed her right then and there. How many times had it overtaken him already? 

 

And yet, he was still there, staring at his son, yet another precious star shining light in his darkness against his best efforts. Like his students, he had never wanted him, but now couldn’t imagine life without him. Like all of them, he still could do nothing to save him. 

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi called desperately when she turned away from him and towards the beast. 

 

But she only looked at him from over her shoulder, a fire in her eyes he had never seen before, but recognized nonetheless. An animalistic, desperate need to survive and fight to see another day, thirsty for the blood of the enemy that had stolen from her. 

 

“We’ll play cards tonight,” she said quietly. “Don’t worry.”

 

Just like he had earlier, she leapt away from him, chakra flaring up. Perhaps like she had, he looked down at Shoyu, shaking hands pulling the baby tighter to his chest. Through gritted teeth, he breathed in. Tears built up at the corner of his eyes, hopelessness digging a deep pit in his soul. 

 

He would lose them all again. He still could not do anything for them. 

 

Under his feet, the ground shook, and Kakashi didn’t need to look up to know it was Sakura’s doing. Morbidly curious as he had always been, he still did look up. Sakura’s enraged shouts rent the air as she kicked the ground with her monstrous strength, splitting the earth so wide open under the Kyuubi’s feet that he toppled into it. She kicked again, closing the gap onto the beast as it roared in pain.

 

Kakashi could only smile to himself. She truly had become who she wished to be. Fierce, fearless, and powerful. In this very moment, she had never been so beautiful. She was his wife. Everything he could have asked for. She had given him a son. A will to live, a friend to lean on. She had given him everything.

 

If only it didn’t mean for them to suffer and lose the life ahead of them, Kakashi would have been happy to die here, in the battlefield, having given everything he had for them. 

 

“Looks like I’m late, eh?”

 

Kakashi whipped his head around at the sound of the words.  His ears had to be deceiving him -- they had to.  But then his eyes must be deceiving him too, and his nose as well.

 

It sounded like Naruto.  It looked like Naruto.  It even  _ smelled _ like Naruto.  But it couldn't be.  Could it?

 

Naruto's golden chakra glow burned Kakashi's eyes, dappling his vision like staring at the sun, but Kakashi couldn't look away.

 

"Hey, Kaka-sensei. Sorry I'm late."

 

Naruto's words were light but his face was serious and he turned his alien eyes with crosses set in them to Sasuke's prone form.  Reaching out one shining hand, Naruto leaned down and touched Sasuke on the forehead gently.

 

Before Kakashi's eyes, Sasuke's wounds began to close.  His chest rose, and then fell, and then rose again, smoothly, evenly, perfectly.

 

Sasuke's eyes fluttered open, two fully formed Sharingan spinning wildly, only to fade away until his mismatched eyes returned. Kakashi frowned to himself. He had experienced this once himself -- when it had been time to return the Sharingan to its rightful owner. But Sasuke’s eyes belonged to him only. 

 

“Naruto.”

 

Lying still on the ground, Sasuke stared up at Naruto, a peaceful expression on his face. Even when Sasuke was but a child, Kakashi couldn’t recall ever seeing so him at peace. Somehow, it all made sense to him, as he watched Sasuke take in the world around him as if he had never seen it. The Sharingan had never been more than a curse of hatred inflicted upon the Uchiha, and now Sasuke had made his peace. 

 

Sasuke struggled to prop himself up to look at Kakashi and the baby, and then Naruto, and then back to Kakashi, an expression of utter confusion on his face.  "Wait..."

 

Naruto smirked, clapping Sasuke on the back. “What, you really thought you’d die so easily?”

 

"But if I'm not dead," Sasuke said slowly, feeling his own chest as if to confirm he was corporeal, "then what are you doing here?"

 

Chuckling nervously, Naruto scratched the back of his head.  "Oh yeah.  Well, about that, see...  I don't actually know how I'm here."

 

Sasuke's eyebrow ticked, annoyance appearing immediately.  "You don't know."

 

"Well, as you can see, I sorta died with the six paths chakra in me.  I remember that part, but...  Then I just kinda came to out in the forest somewhere, searched for you guys, and headed your way."  Naruto squinted up at the Kyuubi and then across the village at the Gobi.  "I'm guessing we all came back together, y'know?  Makes sense... Sort of."

 

Sasuke could only stare in disbelief, so Kakashi ignored the pain and moved to offer him a hand up.  Hesitantly, Sasuke took it, climbing to his feet.

 

Kakashi did not let go, clasping Sasuke's hand tightly and smiling at him, eyes squeezing nearly shut.  "It's good to have you back, Sasuke.  Truly."

 

Sasuke just scowled at him.  "Now?   _ Really _ ?"

 

Kakashi chuckled.  "A little late, am I?  I've been told I have this bad habit, you see."

 

Sasuke yanked his hand free, growling, but Kakashi did not miss the small smile playing about his lips.

 

"Naruto!" Sasuke snapped in irritation.  "Don't we have a little business to take care of?"

 

The Kyuubi roared violently and broke the earth’s hold on him.  The Nara managed to subdue it again, but it was only a matter of time.

 

Naruto sighed. "I'll take care of it.  You've already done your part."

 

This only managed to annoy Sasuke more, but he accepted it anyway, nodding tersely.  "Get on with it then."

 

Finally, Naruto moved to Kakashi.

 

"The seal went wrong, eh?  I can sense it in you."  Just like he had with Sasuke, Naruto reached out and touched Kakashi's forehead.  "Sakura-chan's chakra was doing the trick, but let's speed it up.  Good to see you, Sensei."

 

Naruto smiled as he felt Kakashi's pain washing away.  "Oh, by the way, whose baby is that?  He's cute."

 

Kakashi had to laugh, jostling the baby to keep him calm.  "He's mine."

 

Naruto looked at Kakashi as if he'd grown a third head.  "What?"

 

“Now isn’t quite the time to tell tales, don’t you think?” Kakashi chuckled, looking down lovingly at his son. Just a moment ago, he had given up all hope. Kakashi had never been a religious man, but right now he could only thank whatever power had allowed his son, beloved, and friends to see another day. “I’ll explain later.”

 

Naruto shook his head as if to clear it.  "Yeah, okay.  See you in a bit."

 

With one great leap, Naruto bounded into the air, almost as if he was flying, and landed on one of Kyuubi's swinging tails.  Naruto scaled it as it writhed and then ran up the Kyuubi's spine to stand tall on its head.

 

As he walked to close the distance between them, Kakashi watched Sakura stop mid-punch, wide, unbelieving eyes staring up at Naruto. When he put a hand on her shoulder, Sakura went limp. With a choked sob, she buried her face in Kakashi’s filthy shirt, holding tight with one arm while her other hand stroked Shoyu’s hair. 

 

Sasuke soon followed, ruffling Sakura’s hair.

 

Sakura looked up at him, equally shocked. “Sasuke…”

 

All efforts to subdue the Kyuubi ceased, and Nara began pouring out of the woods, staring at Naruto in wonder.  Some of them were crying, some frozen in place, all equally disbelieving.

 

The Kyuubi began to shrink before their eyes, absorbing into Naruto's feet until he was standing on solid ground.

 

But Naruto only looked sad.  "When Kurama remembers who he is, he's going to grieve.  But I can't stop for him now.  The sixth paths is almost done.  I can feel it."

 

Without looking back, Naruto leapt into the trees after the Gobi.  Without his brilliance to pull Kakashi's eyes, Yamato was easy to find across the clearing the Kyuubi had wrought. Carefully, he placed Shoyu in Sakura’s arms. With a small smile and nod in Yamato’s direction, she held him closer. Kakashi returned her smile, bending down to place a long kiss on her lips before he turned to seek out Yamato. Predictably, he was staring after Naruto, but eventually felt Kakashi's eyes on him as he approached.

 

Yamato smiled warmly as Kakashi drew closer, bereft of all of the tension that had plagued them before Kakashi left.

 

"Thanks for keeping the Kyuubi busy," Kakashi said, reaching out to clasp Yamato's remaining forearm.

 

Yamato gripped him back.  "It appears that between us, we managed to stall for enough time.  Are you okay?  It didn't seem to go very well."

 

Kakashi shrugged.  "Nothing Sakura and Naruto can't handle."

 

A tinge of worry touched Yamato's blocky features.  "And the baby?"

 

"His lungs are very healthy," Kakashi said, redundantly as Shoyu's renewed cries could be heard even here.

 

"Sakura?" Yamato asked, visibly relieved.

 

"I'm sorry, Shoyu, but Mommy's nipples are very sore!" Sakura said, so shrilly her voice carried.

 

Kakashi chuckled.  "Cheerful as ever."

 

With a sudden yank, Yamato pulled Kakashi in and then let go to clap him on the back.  "I've missed you."

 

Kakashi clapped Yamato on the back too and then they stepped apart.  "I have to admit it's been rather dull without my little kohai around.  And Icha Icha, of course."

 

"Of course," Yamato said flatly, fighting a smile as he reached into his pocket for a familiar tattered book and handed it to Kakashi.  "Well, it's rightfully yours anyway.  You get the woman too.  Typical."

 

Kakashi pushed it back at him.  "Keep it.  Sakura-chan is enough for any man to handle."

 

"Kakashi!" Sakura called, stomping over to him, thunderous expression erasing all traces of the wild look he’d seen in her eyes moments earlier.  "Your son needs to be changed, but we still have no spare diapers.  And he's just spit up in my hair."

 

Kakashi turned to her, smiling.  " _ My _ son?"

 

"When he pukes in my hair, he's your son all right."  Sakura glared, still patting the baby on the back against her shoulder.  Then she looked past Kakashi at Yamato and put on a sweet face.  "Hello, Yamato-taichou.  Meet Shoyu.  I'd let you hold him, but he smells a bit.  So do we, I'm sure.  We just spent several days lost at sea."

 

Yamato stared blankly.  "You what?"

 

"It's a long story.  We'll tell you sometime."  She turned back to Kakashi.  "Sasuke's getting antsy because Naruto gets all the action, even though he just nearly died from getting his fill of action.  So we'd better go check on the Gobi before I'm forced to punch him right after he came back to life."

 

"Yes, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said obediently, and followed her back towards Sasuke, who was pouting.

 

When they were halfway there, Kakashi stopped and turned back to a stationary Yamato.  "Well, aren't you coming?"

 

Smiling, Yamato caught up to them.

 

By the time they made their way to the scene, things had already come to a standstill.  Naruto was standing on the Gobi’s head, slowly absorbing it through his feet.  All around them, everyone stared in awe, the Hyuuga and Kizanu alike, on the same side of the battlefield for once -- all knew Naruto, all could not look away.  Gaara’s sand hovered around his head.  Kankuro’s puppets froze in midair.  Chouji and Chouza were shrinking back down to their original sizes, almost as if Naruto was absorbing them too.

 

When Naruto’s feet touched the ground at last, someone began to cheer and it spread like wildfire.  Kizanu, Konoha, Sand, Rock, Waterfall, all voices rose together, enmities discarded.  Naruto stood there, uncomfortable in the limelight as always, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

 

The crowd parted and Shikamaru stepped through, coming out to greet Naruto.  Naruto spotted Shikamaru’s cloak and laughed hysterically, pointing an index finger.

 

“Is that what I think it is?  Are you Hokage?”

 

Shikamaru sighed.  “As troublesome as it is… Yes.”

 

Naruto cradled his belly, laughing harder.  “This is some crazy shit.”

 

Heaving another sigh, Shikamaru turned back to the crowd.  “We have faced another storm and weathered it.  Somehow, Uzumaki Naruto is returned to us, a mystery we will ponder later.”

 

Naruto snickered behind Shikamaru’s back.  “You sound like an old fart.”

 

Shikamaru dragged a hand down his face, grumbling under his breath.  “That’s it.  My first official act as Nanadaime Hokage is to fulfill the Godaime Hokage’s true intention and appoint Hatake Kakashi as Hachidaime Hokage.”

 

With those words, Kakashi came back to himself with a start.  He’d been observing as if from far away, but all of a sudden he felt the stare of a thousand eyes on him at once.  He was now acutely aware of how grimy and salt stained he was, a week or so’s beard growth poking through his mask, his hair weighted down with matted tangles.

 

“Hatake Kakashi, please step forward.”

 

Shikamaru’s voice had the ring of command to it, and Kakashi had never been one to disobey orders from a true Hokage.  He walked forward to meet Shikamaru.

 

“We’ve lost our ceremonial hat,” Shikamaru said, somehow managing to sound bored and impatient at the same time.  “So let’s just make this quick.”

 

Shikamaru bent down and found a stone on the ground and placed it on Kakashi’s head.  “There.  You’re Hokage.  I assume you know what the fuck is going on here?  Good.  Have fun with that.”

 

And just like that, Shikamaru turned and stalked away, Hokage cloak billowing behind him.  Kakashi looked at Naruto and Naruto looked back at him, and they were both thinking the same thing: “Now what?”

 

As usual, Sakura solved that problem for them.  She came up and tried to snatch the rock off of Kakashi’s head, but being both much shorter than him and hampered by an infant, Kakashi dodged easily.

 

“Get that filthy thing off your head,” she scolded.

 

“It’s a gift from the Hokage!” Kakashi protested, staying out of reach.  “How could I be so rude?”

 

Her nostrils flared as she attempted to keep her temper; just the sight of it made Kakashi grin.

 

“ _ You’re _ Hokage now,” she snapped.  “Stop being so ridiculous!”

 

“Sakura-chan,” Naruto said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye that Kakashi thought he’d never see again.  “You’re not being fair to the rock, eh?  His head’s way filthier.”

 

“Naruto!” Sakura yowled.  “That’s not our fault.  You haven’t been here.  You don’t know how it’s been!”

 

With a chuckle, Kakashi pulled both Sakura and Naruto to him, arms on their shoulders.  Predictably, the motion set Shoyu to crying.

 

“Everyone!” Kakashi called, for the crowd’s eyes were still glued to them.  “Meet my son Shoyu.  It’s good to finally bring him home.”

 

A small cheer rose up.

 

“We’ve got ourselves quite a mess here, but we’ll keep moving forward as we’ve always done.  All unit heads and division commanders, please assess the damage and meet me in the central area in thirty minutes to report.  Everyone else, please stand by for orders from your captains.”

 

Immediately, commanders and sub-commanders all the way down the line began shouting orders, and everyone got to work clearing the debris and wreckage wrought by the tailed beast invasions.  Yamato was busy among them, but Sai and Sasuke joined Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura.

 

A short, stocky woman adorned in a Kizanu dragon broke her way through the crowd to approach Kakashi.  Kakashi let go of Sakura and Naruto, waiting.

 

“It was you who killed Kinta’s group, I know,” she said, her Water accent strong, the breeze whipping through her wild red mohawk.

 

“Shall we start listing grievances?” Kakashi said, affecting ennui.  “Should we go back to the beginning, or just skip to the part where you unleashed a tailed beast on our city?”

 

“There was no quarrel between us to start with.”  The woman shook her head.  “We all do what we must to survive.  Surely you understand.”

 

The way her steely gaze shifted to the still-squalling Shoyu wasn’t difficult to comprehend.

 

“There will be no more poaching of civilians,” Kakashi said, voice hard.  “If they choose to go with you, they may.  To us, they are not slaves.  They are people.”

 

“People, and a resource to be tapped,” the woman snapped, then subsided.  “But I would have peace.  We feared if we allowed you to grow unchecked, you would challenge us and subdue us like you seem to have subdued everyone else… wiping their identity from the map until they are one big, nationless mass.”

 

Sakura bristled at Kakashi’s side, but he shifted to barely step on her toe, and she said nothing.

 

“We chose to offer shelter to those who might take it,” Kakashi said calmly.  “That is our culture.  If their culture allows them to accept, so be it.  If yours does not, we will not stand in your way.  But I suggest you do not stand in ours.”

 

The Kizanu woman laughed.  “The wolf bares his fangs.  But the Kizanu recognize a truce when we see it.  May we co-exist from here on out, eh?”

 

Without waiting for a reply, she turned and walked away, and the dragons that peppered the crowd slowly faded away.

 

“Who the hell,” Naruto said quietly, “was that?”

 

Sakura sighed, clucking her tongue to try and comfort Shoyu.  “That was all that’s left of Mist.”

 

“All that’s left?” Naruto said incredulously.  “But that couldn’t have been more than three hundred people…”

 

“Look around you,” Sasuke said listlessly.  “ _ This  _ is what’s left of the rest of the five great nations.”

 

Naruto looked a little green, but soldiered on bravely.  “And Sensei, you’re the Eighth Hokage?  Who was the sixth?  And why couldn’t Baa-chan appoint you herself?”

 

“Hyuuga Hiashi was the sixth,” Sai said blandly, ignoring the other question.

 

Naruto winced, understanding the answer that wasn’t given.  “How long?” he said at last.  “How long was I dead?”

 

“Almost a year,” Sakura said, not looking at him but at the baby instead, voice trembling.  “It’s been so hard without you, Naruto.  So hard.”

 

Naruto looked around at each of them, Sakura first, then Kakashi, then Sai, and finally Sasuke.  He looked small and unsure, not at all like the hero the world saw him as.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  “I’m sorry for leaving.  I never meant to.”

 

Sai smiled his perfectly symmetrical smile.  “As Sakura once told me…  Never apologize for coming home.”

 

Immediately, Sakura burst into tears.

 

Sai frowned.  “Did I say something wrong?”

 

Though she still cried, she laughed and tried to swipe away her tears with the palm of her free hand.  “No, you said something right.  All of you, you’ve all come home, so let’s stop worrying about it and just be happy, okay?”

 

“You look so happy, Sakura-chan,” Sasuke said flatly, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

 

“Oh shut up,” she snapped, and swatted him.  “I can’t help my emotions, Sasuke.”

 

“Such a girl,” he teased, and then laughed at her thunderous expression.

 

“You’re impossible!”  Sakura turned to Sai and smiled sweetly in contrast.  “Sai, won’t you help me find something to use as a diaper for Shoyu while Kakashi and these two morons go to the boring meeting, hmm?”

 

“Of course,” Sai answered, and they set off, leaving Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto in silence.  In the most predictable fashion, Kakashi observed Ino, Shizune, and the rest completely disregard his orders to blubber over Sakura and coo at the baby.

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Naruto said after several long minutes, watching Sakura show the baby to Chouji, who was immediately taken by it, tickling Shoyu’s belly.  “To me, it was like I blinked and then I was here.”

 

Sasuke scoffed.  “So don’t say anything.”

 

Smiling, Kakashi grabbed Naruto with the crook of his arm and rubbed his knuckles into Naruto’s blonde hair.  “Tomorrow’s another day.  Things will seem brighter then.”

 

Hinata broke free of the small throng and ran over, tears streaming down her cheeks.  A dubious-faced Hanabi ran after her, tugging on the sleeve of her yukata, trying to stop her.

 

“Naruto-kun!” Hinata sobbed, and tore Naruto from Kakashi’s arms to embrace him.  “You’re alive!  You’re really alive!”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Naruto said, losing some of his unease as he returned Hinata’s embrace.  “I guess I am.”

 

“I missed you so much,” Hinata said into his neck.

 

“I wish I could say I missed you too,” Naruto chuckled awkwardly, “but I feel like I just saw you yesterday…”

 

Hinata finally looked up to wipe her face, still caged in Naruto’s arms, and looked over her shoulder to smile at Sasuke.

 

“Sasuke-kun, I missed you as well.  Sakura says  _ you _ birthed the baby?”

 

Sasuke didn’t look at her, instead at some indeterminate spot over Naruto’s other shoulder.  “Ah,” he finally grunted, shifting his weight from one side to the other.

 

Naruto whipped around, jaw dropping.  “Wait, you what?”  

 

It was Kakashi’s turn to be sheepish and scratch the back of his head awkwardly. “When I said it was my baby… I actually meant it was Sakura’s.”

 

“It’s Sakura’s baby?!” Naruto began gesturing wildly, making a big round belly and then nonsensical traces. Much to Kakashi’s dismay, Naruto remained thick as ever. “You saw Sakura’s -- and she -- with her --  _ really _ ?”

 

Hinata giggled, but Sasuke said nothing, still not meeting Naruto’s eyes.  Hinata’s sister Hanabi was staring at him with a strange expression on her face.

 

Hanabi scoffed, changing her keen gaze to Naruto.  “You think that’s the first time he saw --”

 

Hinata squeaked in panic and put her palm over Hanabi’s mouth, going red as a beet.  “It will be very difficult for Naruto-kun to adjust in this difficult time.  We should be understanding!  But right now we should all be very busy!” she said quickly and then dragged her sister away.

 

Naruto was looking at Sasuke in contemplation, head cocked to the side, and the tension in Sasuke’s shoulders did not abate, but Kakashi just chuckled, slapping them both on the back.

 

“You have a little catching up to do, that’s all,” Kakashi said.  “So let’s get started.”

 

As Kakashi set off for the meeting, Sasuke and Naruto in tow, his heart couldn’t be fuller.

 

…

 

Kakashi’s eyelids cracked open as sunlight began to filter through.  Even now, his body was reacting to a full night’s rest in a proper bed with a soft mattress like he hadn’t slept in a year.  Perhaps it was the effects of the dehydration and the subsequent soldier pill still lingering on, but it seemed to Kakashi that he could finally rest because all of the moving parts had finally settled into place.  The new world was different, and there were many faces to be missed in it, but it was finally beginning to be recognizable.

 

This moment could only be made better by Sakura under the covers with him, but then her voice filtered through his sleepy haze and he was proven wrong.  She was singing softly, a lullaby he’d never heard before, in a sweet soft voice he’d never heard before either.  He turned his head just barely to the side to watch her rock Shoyu in her arms, staring down at him, paying Kakashi no mind.

 

Sakura looked so beautiful standing there, in the soft light the window allowed inside, looking down lovingly at their son without another care in the world. After the previous day, he’d never thought he would be so lucky to see such a sight. Even before, he had begun worrying that Sakura would never warm up to Shoyu. Perhaps, at last, they could truly be a family now. 

 

“You’re up,” Sakura said softly, breaking him from his thoughts. “Good morning.”

 

“Good morning, beautiful.” Kakashi smiled, stretching out one arm towards her. Sakura sat by him on the bed, looking far more refreshed than he did. With a chuckle, Kakashi ran one hand up her thigh, high under the hem of her sweatshirt. “You sure look like you had a good night’s sleep, hm?”

 

Laughing, Sakura ran a hand through her clean, untangled hair. “Honestly, I think the bath did me more good. Shoyu was quiet last night, too, wasn’t he…”

 

Kakashi sat up to wrap one arm around his wife, stroking his son’s silver hair with his other hand. “Well, he had to rest his lungs up, didn’t he?”

 

Sakura hummed, leaning her head against his. 

 

For a moment, they remained still, basking in their small happiness and a little bit of sunshine. But before long, Kakashi breathed in deeply, today’s work taking over his mind. Although the beasts hadn’t touched the village -- by pure miracle -- there was still much to do.

 

“We need to talk with Naruto.”

 

Sakura nodded. “I know.”

 

Though she agreed, her voice was gloomy. Informing Naruto of the last year’s events -- all of them -- was just as unnerving for Kakashi. It was absurd, truly. All that had prevented him from disclosing his relationship with Sakura before had been due to his candidacy as Hokage. Before that, it hadn’t been anything. Hiding it from their friends had been a sort of game, Kakashi liked to think. Though at that moment they hadn’t yet put a name to what they had, they had both known long before then that it wouldn’t be a fling.

 

Telling Naruto, though, was hard to do, and he hardly knew why. 

 

“This is so awkward,” Sakura sighed, a lopsided smile on her lips. “I’ve really gone around, haven’t I…”

 

Kakashi frowned and cupped her cheek, turning her towards him. “I don’t care.”

 

“Sure you don’t,” she said flippantly, staring down at his chest. “That’s not everyone’s opinion.”

 

“It’s not any of their business.” Carefully, Kakashi took Shoyu from her arms to place him back into his makeshift crib. He stood before Sakura, parting her legs to step closer to her, and leaned down to press his forehead against hers. “It sure is my business, though… and it’s been quite a while since we’ve had any business together, hm?”

 

As he kissed her neck and laid her down on the bed, he could feel her smile already. Such a small gesture lit a fire in his chest, fueled by the tornado of chaos yesterday had been. Feverish, he shoved Sakura’s sweatshirt up to her neck and dragged his lips down her chest, then back up to her breast, latching on her nipple.

 

“Kakashi…” 

 

Sakura closed her legs under him, hesitant. Kakashi wanted none of that, though, his erection already solidly pressed against Sakura’s thigh. He pressed his lips to hers and she responded easily, far too easily for someone trying to stop him. 

 

“It’s been long enough, hasn’t it?” he exhaled, impatient. “I want you. Now.”

 

Sakura stifled a giggle, smiling against his lips. “We still have a few weeks left… I’m not quite ready… down there, you know.”

 

Kakashi deflated above her, sighing. Thinking about the labor did wonders to cool him down. 

 

“We have to go see Naruto, anyway…” Sakura ran her fingers through Kakashi’s hair tenderly, leaving him to listen to her heart beating under his ear a little longer. “Do you think he’s up?”

 

“Only one way to find out.”

 

They dressed in silence. Sakura threw him a few doubtful glances, but Kakashi only smiled reassuringly. Though when he walked outside of their bedroom with Shoyu in his arms, his stomach twisted into painful knots. 

 

At Naruto’s bedroom door, the knots only tightened, but Kakashi knocked, doing his best to look relaxed. 

 

“Come in.”

 

Inside, Naruto was sitting on his bed, cross-legged and looking as if he’d had little sleep. He was fully dressed, ready to take on the day as he always was.

 

“Morning, Sensei, Sakura,” he said, flashing them a smile that wasn’t quite as bright as it should be.

 

Kakashi and Sakura returned the greeting, closing the door behind them. 

 

“I think it’s time we got you back up to speed,” Kakashi said, shifting his weight on his other leg as he bounced Shoyu in his arms. “A lot has happened.”

 

“Yeah, I guessed that much.” Naruto’s smile shrunk into an awkward, stilted smirk. 

 

“Where to start,” Sakura sighed, sitting on the edge of Naruto’s bed.

 

“How is Sasuke?” Naruto quickly cut in, staring down in his lap. “He wasn’t in the best place when I left -- and I didn’t do him any favors in the end…”

 

“He said he killed you,” Sakura said, turning morose and unsure. “It’s been eating away at him since.”

 

“It’s complicated,” Naruto answered softly. “But he didn’t really -- it wasn’t his fault. We did what we had to do to save everyone else.”

 

“Sasuke’s home,” Kakashi interrupted, leaning back against the wall. “Truly home.”

 

Naruto nodded, thankful. “That’s good.”

 

“About the situation…” Sakura started, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “Shishou did all she could to rebuild the village. We all went home at first, but… Rock didn’t make it. The vast majority of the Rock citizens in the camp are civilians. Cloud did well, for a while -- until the illness broke out, and now I haven’t heard news of them in a long time. It even came to Konoha, but I think Shizune has done well in containing it. You’d have to ask her how it is now, but -- “

 

“How it is  _ now _ ?” Naruto said incredulously. “Why wouldn’t you know? You’re not a medic anymore?”

 

“Ah, you see…” Sakura hesitated, one hand tightening on her knee. “We had to leave the village for a while, but I’ll get to that in time. Suna’s situation was untenable there, so they came to us quickly. Other than us, they were certainly luckiest. You’ve seen what state the village is in. As for Mist, they’ve mostly refused our help. They’ve become our enemies.”

 

“That’s settled now,” Kakashi said. 

 

Sakura nodded. “Yes, it is.”

 

“What about Baa-chan?” Naruto’s eyes turned darker, avoiding all of them. “How did it happen…?”

 

Though Kakashi preferred to let Sakura do the talking, he spoke up when she joined Naruto in his dark mood. “Injuries from the war. She was with us long enough to get the village back up to a livable situation, but her body couldn’t sustain that much.”

 

“I think it was cancer,” Sakura said, dissatisfied with Kakashi’s answer. “I can’t confirm without the proper equipment, but you know Shishou, healthy as a horse, always… She sustained substantial injuries during the war -- injuries she couldn’t have survived without her jutsu. But the way that jutsu works is forcing the cells to replicate faster than their normal rate, and -- “ Sakura sighed as she looked up at Naruto and his confused expression. “In short, her technique made her develop cancer from overusing her body’s normal healing process. It’s why old people are more likely to get cancer.  It’s the same thing, she just made it happen earlier.”

 

“That’s awful,” Naruto breathed out. “But I bet she doesn’t regret it. She did her best to save everyone.”

 

A small smile played on Sakura’s lips, eyes shining with the sheen of unshed tears. “She did.”

 

“Her death was sudden. She had told no one about her condition,” Kakashi said before the weight of Tsunade’s death could crush Sakura any further. “This left us with no appointed successor, which in turn led to Hyuuga competing against me for the position of Hokage.”

 

Naruto looked up in surprising, frowning. “But how could you possibly not win against that old fart? You’re a hero!”

 

Kakashi’s eyes settled on Sakura and she looked back at him, a hint of shame in her eyes for the first time. 

 

“Well, say something,” Naruto growled. “I don’t get it.”

 

“I was pregnant,” Sakura finally said, toying with the blanket under her.

 

“Look, I know this is awkward as hell, but I can put two and two together,” Naruto said.  Kakashi held in a sigh of relief of not having to say it out loud himself. Naruto wasn’t always so dense, thankfully. Naruto looked between the two of them, a frustrated frown on his face. “What does it have to do with anything?”

 

“Shishou suggested we hide that Kakashi was the father. So we did.” Biting her lip, she looked out the window. “I said Sasuke was the father. But in the end, it all came out. They caught us…” Cheeks red, Sakura looked away. “Hiashi won easily after that. Even though we got married to make it legitimate.”

 

“Wait, you’re  _ married _ ?” Naruto sprung up, head turning quickly between Sakura and Kakashi. “But it’s not a real marriage, right? It was just to make things look better, yeah?”

 

The silence that fell between them did little to ease Naruto’s nerves. Kakashi felt just as on edge, to tell the truth, but he wasn’t about to admit it, not with Sakura refusing to face either of them. 

 

“No,” Kakashi finally said. “It’s a real marriage. I want to be married to her.” Kakashi chanced a glance to Sakura. Though he knew her true answer, his guts still twisted in his stomach. “She wants to be my wife.”

 

Naruto turned to Sakura, shoulders drooping. “For real?” he asked her, as if such a thing was impossible. 

 

It made him angry, but Kakashi kept his mouth shut. What was so awful about him that no one would believe Sakura would willingly have any love for him? The disgust, he could understand, but the doubt he could not.

 

“Yes,” Sakura answered. When Naruto remained frozen, Sakura continued, “You’ve been gone such a long time, Naruto. And I don’t even mean after the war. Before. None of you saw it coming because none of you were there.”

 

Naruto remained silent a little longer, until he balled his fist at his sides and dropped his head. “I’m sorry, Sakura-chan. I never meant to leave you alone.”

 

“I know,” Sakura said, affecting a bright smile. “It’s okay. I needed to be alone. I became strong, too, you know.”

 

“No kidding,” Naruto said, dropping to sit on the bed.

 

“We left the village shortly after Hiashi became Hokage.” Kakashi wanted nothing more than to be done with this talk, so he continued. “We didn’t want to, but the situation was becoming hostile for us when it became known that Sakura was carrying my child. We thought we’d have a better chance to survive and be able to raise our child outside the village. So we left.”

 

“Well, I guess that all that matters is that you’re happy, right?” Naruto said, suddenly cheerful. “And you’re back. I know you did what you had to do and I don’t know how it’s been.”

 

Sensing that Naruto was placating them, Kakashi walked to Sakura in order to hand her Shoyu. “I’m going to check up on Sasuke. You two catch up and have fun.  You deserve it.”

 

Before either of them could say anything, Kakashi had left. He didn’t want to hear anymore. Complaining now was ridiculous, yet Kakashi couldn’t help it. He wanted everything to be as it was -- for everyone to be happy as they once were -- but for him and Sakura to also be together. For things to be the same yet different. Visiting Sasuke had only been an excuse, but when he opened the door without knocking and found Sasuke staring out the window wistfully, Kakashi knew he’d come to the right place.

 

“You sure didn’t waste any time,” Sasuke said, turning to look at Kakashi. 

 

The sight of his one white and blind eye still took Kakashi by surprise. In the old days, Kakashi would have sooner imagined Sasuke dead than half blind. “Whatever do you mean?” Kakashi said, affecting his cheerful attitude. 

 

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” Sasuke scoffed, reclining in his bed, one hand coming up to grip his side. “You wouldn’t come see me unless you were fleeing something.”

 

“Things change,” Kakashi said, sitting on the night table besides Sasuke’s bed. 

 

“Sure they do,” Sasuke chuckled, “but not that one.”

 

Kakashi hummed, preferring to remain silent. At the very least, Sasuke had no judgement to give. Or he simply kept his mouth shut about it. With that, Kakashi could be alright. 

 

“It’s so strange,” Sasuke breathed out when the silence stretched thin. “I’m still alive.”

 

Kakashi smiled a true smile now, though he kept to himself. What was strangest was not Sasuke being alive -- Kakashi had already seen Naruto bring back Gai, after all -- but that Sasuke opened up to him by himself. “Is it?”

 

“I should be dead. I was dead,” Sasuke continued, looking out the window again. “I deserve to be dead.”

 

“Or perhaps death was too gentle a punishment for you,” Kakashi mused, throwing Sasuke an amused glance. “I died too. It was far easier than living.”

 

Sasuke’s head spun to look at Kakashi, confused frown shifting his delicate features. “You? When?”

 

“We continued living when you left,” Kakashi said simply, offering his trademark smile. “There’s a lot you don’t know now.”

 

“Hn.” Sasuke turned his frown towards his blanket.

 

“The world really doesn’t revolve around you, doesn’t it?” Kakashi prodded further, leaning closer to Sasuke. “Surprising, isn’t it?”

 

“Fuck you, old man,” Sasuke spat, swatting Kakashi away. 

 

Kakashi laughed, reclining against the wall behind him. Though the situation with Naruto wasn’t the best, he could look forward to this one. There was a reason he’d always favored Sasuke -- they were far more alike than either of them liked to admit.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“What was that?” Kakashi said, taken aback.

 

“You heard me,” Sasuke growled, glaring at Kakashi. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

 

Kakashi was mute for a moment. “What for? You’re back now.”

 

“Do I really need to explain myself?” Sasuke’s voice was irritated still, though he looked smaller in his bed. “You said it. You continued living when I was gone. You didn’t deserve what I put you through.”

 

Kakashi’s eyes remained on the floor for a while, taking in what Sasuke was truly saying. A smile on his lips, his heart relieved of a weight he’d carried far too long, Kakashi placed a hand on his student’s hair and ruffled it. Predictably, Sasuke was annoyed and swatted his hand away, but Kakashi was happy.

 

“It’s all behind us now. This is a new day.”

 

And Kakashi truly believed it. With both Naruto and Sasuke returned to them, they could truly restart living and build a new world for themselves -- one without so much hatred and pain.

 

…

 

Kakashi slumped over his desk, disregarding any papers he shuffled or sent flying off his desk. For a village that had been so stingy on paper usage, it sure dumped a lot of paperwork on the Hokage’s desk. Sighing, Kakashi scanned a sheet here and there, finding no will to do more. The week had been rife with both celebrations and business meetings. Everyone who was someone -- either to himself or Sakura or in the village -- had ripped any free time he had away from him. It had been good to see all of them, truly, but Kakashi would rather have been at home, Sakura in his lap and Shoyu in his arms. Chuckling, Kakashi smile. There were  _ other _ things he’d have liked to do with Sakura, but such leisurely activities were still out of his reach for the moment. Instead, by day, he tried to solve all-important problems he couldn’t figure out and delegated the ones he couldn’t find solutions to down to his underlings, who in turn would find no solution. Unless they were Ino. She was surprisingly clever, that girl. By night, he was treated to what Sakura called fun and relaxing -- in other words, meeting every person under the sun who they hadn’t seen and fussed about the baby to yet. Although, the situation had its perks. Being Hokage, everyone tried to please him, usually with copious amounts of whatever alcohol they could get their hands on, certainly a blessing by night, though much less so by day. 

 

The door opened, and Kakashi couldn’t be bothered to fake being in a semi-decent state this time. He hadn’t asked for this. In fact, he’d done quite everything to avoid this. But when he saw sun-colored hair, Kakashi looked up to smile at his favorite miracle. Of course, Shoyu was a miracle, too -- just not quite as  _ literal _ a miracle.

 

“Ah, Naruto,” Kakashi cheered. “Just the distraction I needed.”

 

“Hey, Sensei,” Naruto greeted, such a large grin on his face that Kakashi immediately shifted to the defensive. “Actually, I came to talk to you about an idea I had.”

 

Kakashi frowned, almost disappointed his instinct had been right. “And what would that be?”

 

“Well…” Naruto threw an arm over his head, scratching the back of his head. “You see, I thought… The tailed beasts seemed to have spawned all over the place, yeah? We can’t just leave them out there on their own!” Naruto gestured wildly -- though it hardly helped Kakashi understand what he was trying to act out. “So I thought I should go out there and gather them. You know -- I mean, you probably don’t, but -- the beasts need contact with human chakra in order to be their true selves. It’s complicated, but it’s something I learned with the six paths and all those things and -- “ Naruto frowned to himself, rubbing his chin. “Yeah, this is really complicated. I just have to go find them all and find them new hosts so they don’t just keep appearing and destroying everything like they used to, you know?”

 

Kakashi nodded slowly. “I guess that makes sense if you say so, Naruto.”

 

“Yeah!” Naruto grinned. “So I thought Sasuke could come along too.”

 

“You’ve got your mind made up, don’t you?” Kakashi sighed. “And here I thought I’d begin your training…”

 

“Eh?” Naruto stepped closer to his desk, eyes wide. “You didn’t talk about any training!”

 

“Actually, it would be yours and Sasuke’s training.” Kakashi sat back in his chair, leaning back. “Don’t you think it’s about time you prepared to be Hokage?”

 

Naruto growled in frustration, balling up his fists under his chin. “Of course I do! I can’t let an old man like you be Hokage too long. But this is really important, don’t you think?”

 

Kakashi chuckled. “Of course.”

 

“And what’s that about Sasuke getting the training too?” Naruto pouted. “I’m the next Hokage, everyone knows that!”

 

“I’m sure you and Sasuke will have a lot to chat about when you go on your little trip.” Leaning his head on his palm, Kakashi smiled at Naruto again. The next few years would interesting. “So, when are you thinking about leaving?”

 

Naruto laughed, and Kakashi knew he wouldn’t like the answer already. “Right now.”

 

“Right now?” Kakashi let out, raising an eyebrow. “You’ve just come back.”

 

“Well, the beasts have come back already, too…” Naruto said sheepishly. “I can’t keep them waiting.”

 

“Where’s Sasuke?” Kakashi stood up, knowing all too well that there was no stopping him when Naruto got an idea in his thick skull. “Does he even know about your plan?”

 

“‘Course he does.” Naruto said, matter-of-fact. “He’s telling Sakura right now.”

 

Kakashi sighed to himself. What good was being Hokage if you couldn’t even give out orders?

 

....

 

“Are you sure about this?” Sakura asked, fussing over Naruto’s large backpack. “Are you even feeling alright? You were just dead…”

 

“I’m fine, Sakura,” Naruto groaned, batting away her hands for the hundredth time. “Stop worrying so much. We’ll be back before you know it.”

 

“You too, Sasuke,” she said, turning to him to adjust his collar. Kakashi couldn’t tell if she’d always been so motherly, or if having Shoyu suddenly made her so. “You really did just die.”

 

Much unlike Naruto’s brotherly antics, Sasuke instead put an arm around and pulled her tight to his side. “I can’t die twice, now can I?” he chuckled, pressing a kiss into her scalp.

 

“Actually, you can,” Sakura said, slapping his chest and looking up at him with angry but sweet eyes. “Don’t go forgetting that.”

 

“Yes, mommy,” Sasuke teased, big smirk on his lips as he stared down at her. “I’ll be a good boy.”

 

Though Kakashi was learning to take Sasuke’s behavior more lightly, Naruto hadn’t quite had the time to grow used to it yet. He stood on the sidelines, staring in both disgust and bewilderment. 

 

“Whatever happened to them?” he whispered conspicuously to Kakashi, pointing to the pair behind their backs. “This is  _ weird _ .”

 

Kakashi only shrugged, hardly knowing how to explain how things had become so. It still irked him to see Sasuke so close to his wife, but after seeing him with Hinata and various other women at this point, he’d come to take it less personally. Sasuke was simply handsy. 

 

Sakura broke away from Sasuke, an uncomfortable red tinge to her cheeks that hadn’t been there before Naruto spoke up. “You take care, too, right, Naruto?”

 

“I will!” Naruto said, standing straight as a rod. “I don’t want you to punch me again.”

 

“Silly,” Sakura said, pulling both the boys in a tight hug. “I’ll miss you so much.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, Sakura-chan!” Naruto wailed, suddenly teary-eyed as he returned her embrace. “Knowing you’re here waiting for us will make me work extra hard!”

 

“Time to go, then,” Sasuke cut in, pulling away. He looked sideways at Kakashi, a boyish grin on his still-boyish face. “We’ll see you around, hm?”

 

“See you around,” Kakashi chuckled, catching Sakura and wrapping her arms around her before she could protest. 

 

Naruto hesitated, but he wasn’t long to follow Sasuke, waving exaggeratingly at them and shouting goodbyes. Sasuke was quiet, not throwing a single glance back, but it didn’t worry Kakashi. It was hard to leave and be cheerful when you’d finally found a home, only to leave it right away. 

 

“Hurry up!” Sakura shouted at their backs. “I want to see you again soon!” 

 

Kakashi smiled and leaned his chin on the top of her head. She clutched his forearms, nails digging into his skin. He laughed, and Sakura looked up at him with wide eyes like he’d become senile. Everything had really gone back to normal -- or as close as they possibly could. Naruto and Sasuke were inseparable and would do their own thing, no matter what.

 

Kakashi and Sakura would stay together and make sure everyone had a proper home to come back to, as they always had.  

  
  
  
  



	33. Epilogue: A Deck of Cards

AN: I wish I could reply to you personally, reviewer named Claire, but alas you aren’t a registered user! You probably won’t even see this either, which is sad. But THANK YOU. Although it turns out that Kakashi and Sakura’s relationship is a good thing for them, we never meant to romanticize such a thing. Every character in the story who was against their relationship was RIGHT to doubt. That it started so young was meant to draw a negative reaction from the readers. We never meant for them to support Kakashi -- quite the opposite! I’m appalled it took more than two years for someone to point this out. I understand, we’re on FF and the KakaSaku community… but still. Their relationship was NOT right and that they became a happy, healthy couple was luck, if you will. They were obviously a good match to begin with and events pushed them into speeding things up, but it wasn’t right nonetheless. We wanted to test the limits and we did -- the result was somewhat surprising. Thank you for pointing out a very real problem and reacting to it. I hope you understand that we in no way support such relationships outside of the creative domain. 

  
  


“It still looks the same.”

 

Sasuke looked in the distance, as Naruto did. Atop the Hokage monument, they could see farther in the horizon than Sasuke’s vision allowed to make out. The view was the essence of the Fire Country; forests, life hidden within. Konoha stood below them, a distance from the ruins. 

 

Sasuke smiled. “You’re right.”

 

Naruto smiled to himself, eyes vacant. Konoha had fallen, but not the Leaf. Naruto’s gaze turned to Sasuke the way they did sometimes when nostalgia hit. Every single time, Sasuke wanted to scoff and knock him back to his senses -- but the truth was he understood Naruto’s gratefulness to an uncomfortable degree. Sasuke’s return had been a real uncertainty, in more ways than one.

 

“Wipe that crap off your face,” Sasuke said, locking Naruto in a chokehold. “You’re giving me  _ weird ideas _ .”

 

Naruto immediately struggled against Sasuke’s hold, pushing him as far away as he could. “Eww! Kakashi-sensei’s humor rubbed off on you. So gross.”

 

Sasuke chuckled, looking up at the stars. “You’re just too easy to tease.”

 

Naruto harrumphed, crossing his arms. 

 

After a moment of silence, Sasuke sighed. “There’s something you need to know.”

 

“Whatever it is that happened before you came back to Konoha,” Naruto started, suddenly staring down at his shoes, sullen, “it doesn’t matter. We’re happy to have you back.”

 

“That’s not quite it.” Sasuke rubbed his chin with his palm, a slight wave of anxiety rocking his body. He owed Naruto full disclosure after all this. Still, he hesitated. “I slept with Hinata.”

 

“Eeh?!” Naruto’s eyes went wide and his body rigid. “How’s that possible?!”

 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, jaw tight. Naruto scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

 

“That’s not what I meant,” he said quickly. “I just thought… you know, she’d be there for me when I came back. I guess that’s kinda why, eh?”

 

“I doubt it,” Sasuke said with a shrug. “It was a long time ago already.  There’s nothing between us.”

 

Naruto grimaced. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.”

 

Sasuke inhaled slowly. The easiest part was out -- now for the harder one. “Sakura, too.”

 

“Sakura slept with Hinata?”

 

Sasuke punched Naruto’s shoulder, frowning. Naruto’s voice lacked his usual profound obliviousness; he was mocking him.

 

“So that’s the weird vibe between you two, huh?” Naruto said, calmer than Sasuke expected. The long silence that came afterwards weighed heavily on their shoulders, but Sasuke remained patient. “Look, it’s not my business what happened. Sakura was in love with you for the longest time. If you decided to give her a chance, that’s cool. Though, I’m getting really confused on what all happened while I wasn’t here. With Kakashi and all, you know. Point is, don’t hurt her and I won’t hunt you.”

 

Sasuke was at a loss for words. Perhaps Naruto, too, had shed his old undesirable traits like a snake while he’d been gone. Perhaps he had learned to temper his reactions, or maybe he’d simply matured like all of them. Had Sasuke hurt Sakura, though? Of course he had, Sasuke reminded himself, closing his eyes. 

 

Swallowing his morose spell, Sasuke turned to Naruto with a smirk. “Hunt me all you want, slowpoke.”

 

“Who’re you calling slowpoke?!”

 

Naruto lunged at Sasuke, ready for a brawl. Sasuke blocked his punches naturally, falling into a series of steps their bodies remembered as clearly as the Leaf. Four years apart of fifty wouldn’t change this.

 

…

 

“Sakura-chan?” Naruto called, knocking on the door. When no answer came, he nudged it open, poking his head inside conspicuously. “Hey, Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, it’s me!”

 

Still, no answer. Naruto thought it odd that they would all be out this time of day, but he didn’t quite stalk them enough to know their daily schedule either. Smug grin on his face, Naruto stepped inside and shut the door behind him. Cold and snowy as it was, they couldn’t possibly let him wait for their return outside! He’d just make himself comfortable and not touch a thing until they returned. 

 

But alas, Naruto’s life hardly ever went according to plan. Barely was he even in the kitchen that he’d knocked over a pan left stranded by itself on the kitchen. 

 

“Agh!” Quick as a cat, Naruto caught it before it hit the floor. “And back on the counter you go, Mr. Pan.”

 

With no human presence other than his lonesome, the house was rather spooky. Electricity was yet to be a commodity to be acquired, so he was left to contemplate the greying wood of the walls and the white light of winter veiling everything inside. It made him curious -- everything looked so different. When Sakura was in the kitchen, whether threatening his life with a sharp knife or cooking whatever she had managed to put together for dinner, the house was lively. There was friendly banter with Kakashi, the noise of the kids’ running and squabbling. Without all of them, it was as if the house was abandoned. 

 

To confirm he wasn’t being tricked, Naruto headed further inside, but there was nothing more to find than old blankets to serve as a couch, neatly folded on the floor. 

 

“I guess they really aren’t home,” Naruto mumbled to himself. 

 

He’d been here many times already. Still, he was compelled to spy further. First, he visited the children’s bedroom, though he found nothing worthy of mention. Entering the main bedroom, he stopped under the door frame, halted by a sense of shame he couldn’t quite shake. All sets of manners dictated he should do no such thing, but it was hard to stop himself. Though he had come back to this world with his friends a long time ago already, he always felt like he was watching them from the sidelines. Like a year without him had transformed his team so deeply he couldn’t possibly be a part of it anymore -- not without undergoing the same transformation.

 

Naruto stepped inside. But it was all unfair -- he hadn’t asked to leave them behind so. He had truly thought he would never see any of them again when he begged Sasuke to kill him, and it had pained him tremendously, but he had no choice. Now he was back, having skipped the harshest year the Leaf had ever faced. 

 

_ “It’s better like this,” Sakura had said to him once. “You’re too good to see so much suffering.” _

 

He didn’t want to be too good. As a child, when he’d wished upon stars to be acknowledged, this hadn’t been what he’d envisioned. He didn’t want to be larger than life, the savior of the world, greater than all. He just wanted to be Naruto and be loved as he was.

 

Sitting on a small table besides the bed were a few frames, the sole items displayed in the room. Quiet, Naruto walked to them, picking each one up as carefully as he could. The pictures inside made his chest constrict -- and he felt so selfish for it.

 

They were pictures from the same time frame, Naruto could tell, in some far away land that he didn't know.  He could guess, based on stories they told and judging from the clearly foreign flora and fauna, but their stories never really resonated with Naruto.  They didn't feel real, for some reason, though he knew they were.

 

Like this picture in his hands.  It was of a tall bronze skinned woman, large-boned and wide-hipped, close-cut caramel-colored hair, and absolutely filthy with dirt, just like everyone used to be.  This woman was holding Shoyu when he was so tiny and misshapen he couldn't have been more than a week old, and she glared at the camera fiercely.  In the background, women bustled, ignoring the picture taker.  Sakura, domestic as she never had been before Naruto’s world ended, was among them, only distinguishable by her hair.

 

This woman, with a face with foreign features like a flat nose and sharp golden eyes, knew Sakura well enough that she was allowed to watch newborn Shoyu.

 

Naruto didn't even know her name.  It was this type of detail that Sakura’s stories glossed over, the day to day, the mundanities of the life they lived without him that had somehow left a gulf between them.

 

And here was another, when Sakura was still so pregnant she looked ready to burst, of her smiling at an old man with few teeth who was nevertheless constructing a boat.

 

Kakashi looking sea hardened, white with salt, and totally unlike the ninja he was, with a fishing net flung over his shoulder, coming back from a day on the water with men Naruto would never meet.

 

Sai, tangled in some sort of fishing pot, while Suigetsu and a pretty girl rolled on the ground laughing beside him and a child that had never grown up tried in vain to help Sai with the knots.  This one was blurry, with a finger in the shot, which told Naruto that Sai had been the one normally taking the pictures.  Naruto never knew that until just now.

 

It was the last photograph that truly stuck in Naruto’s throat, of Kakashi, Sasuke, Sai, Sakura, and Shoyu. All together. Looking so much like their team picture from so long ago. They looked the same -- without him. They had suffered, they had found love and joy, they had survived and fought. All without him. So little time and yet they all had changed so much. Though Sasuke seemed to accept it easily, Naruto couldn’t. How could he leave so briefly and come back to such different people? Kakashi and Sakura had married and had a child -- when he’d never seen even a glimpse of romance between them before. Sasuke acted as if it wasn’t the strangest -- even grossest -- thing in the world, and Naruto could never understand it. Even Sasuke and Sakura had grown closer together in a way Naruto would have never expected. Sakura wasn’t the girl he’d once known anymore. She returned Sasuke’s dirty jokes and accepted his being so handsy, when if it had been Naruto instead, she would have punched him to the moon and back. 

 

The only thing that never changed was his friendship with Sasuke. They remained brothers through it all, through all the pain and bullshit they forced each other through. At the end of the day, they would sit together and smirk at each other, always ready to fight or laugh.

 

Silently, Naruto placed the frames back on the table exactly as they had been and left.

 

...

 

“Today’s the big day, huh?” Sakura said, fussing over Sasuke’s clothes, smoothing them out as much as she could. Her heavy belly got in the way, but she hardly seemed to notice it anymore. “I never thought I’d see the day you got married.”

 

Sasuke was silent, as he’d been for the better part of the last hour. Shikamaru could only smile to himself, cigarette between his fingers.

 

Kakashi smiled under his mask as he stepped closer to Sasuke. He patted him on the head; a ridiculous gesture with both men being the same height. “I’m so proud. My student, getting married already. Time flies, doesn’t it?”

 

“You can keep your comments to yourself,” Sasuke growled, batting Kakashi’s hand away. “It’s not like I’m the first.”

 

“Hopefully not the last either,” Sakura said, looking pointedly at Naruto with a wide smile on her lips. “Right?”

 

Naruto laughed awkwardly as he always said, scratching the back of his head. “I’ll try my best.”

 

“He’s too dumb to ever get married,” Suigetsu laughed, turning to smirk at Naruto. “Even Kokuo thinks so!” 

 

Shikamaru could only cringe whenever Suigetsu mentioned the five-tail sealed into him. Upon their return, Naruto and Sasuke had brought the beasts, and promptly found new hosts for them. In his humble opinion, Suigetsu was a terrible choice, but he seemed to get along famously with his beast. 

 

“Suigetsu,” Juugo said, tone scolding. He grabbed Suigetsu’s shoulders and ushered him outside. “Come help me get Hitomi and Katashi ready.”

 

Suigetsu complained and grumbled as he always did on the way, but Shikamaru was glad to see him go. Almost a decade later, he had never grown accustomed or attached to him. 

 

“We have to go get Shoyu-kun ready too,” Sakura chirped, catching Kakashi’s hand in hers to lead him outside. “We’ll see you at the ceremony. Naruto, come on! Come help us!”

 

“Me?” Naruto let out, pointing to himself. With a shrug of his shoulders, he obeyed Sakura as he tended to do if he feared for his physical integrity. “Sure I guess.”

 

Now alone with Sasuke, Shikamaru smirked from where he leaned against the wall. “Good move.”

 

“Whatever are you on about?” Sasuke feigned innocence, watching his reflection in the mirror. 

 

“Wedding a Hyuuga girl.” Shikamaru took a drag of his cigarette, taking his sweet time. “Sure doesn’t hurt your chances of being Hokage, doesn’t it?” 

 

Sasuke turned to face him, fighting a smile. “Always scheming, aren’t you?” 

 

“Look who’s speaking,” Shikamaru chuckled. “Hatake is hardly being subtle about his plans, taking both you and Naruto under his wing. It sure will be interesting when he steps down.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sasuke leaned by him on the wall, stretching one hand out. “Now give it already.”

 

“Of course you don’t.” Shikamaru smirked, pulling a clear bottle from inside his vest. Sasuke was quick to pop the cork out and take a swig. “I think it’s a good plan, regardless. Innovative, if you want.”

 

“Here we are on my wedding day,” Sasuke said between sips, “and all you can talk about is this nonsense. What about a congratulations, hm?”

 

Shikamaru laughed, taking the bottle from Sasuke to have a drink. “Bullshiter, always.”

 

“I learned from the best,” Sasuke chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. “When are you getting married?”

 

“You know me better than that, friend,” Shikamaru said, nudging Sasuke’s shoulder with his own. “I’m too old for all that nonsense.”

 

“I forgot you were such an old geezer already.” Sasuke rolled his eyes.

 

“Hey, I got my hands full with Asuma,” Shikamaru said, frowning. “A woman on top of that would only be troublesome.”

 

“Right,” Sasuke sniggered. “Of course.”

 

When Sasuke reached for the bottle, Shikamaru pulled it out of his reach. “You’ll smell if you have anymore. Wouldn’t want to make your future wife angry on your wedding day, now would you?”

 

“Very thoughtful of you,” Sasuke said, pushing himself off the wall. “I’ll get going then.”

 

“See you down the aisle,” Shikamaru said, waving him away.

 

…

 

Sasuke stood at Hanabi’s side, rigid, as another pained screamed came from her throat. Everything around him was a blur. Hanabi’s hand clamped down on his harder and harder with every push, Sakura’s calm and gentle voice a sharp contrast to Hanabi’s pants and grunts. Those kinds of screams, Sasuke remembered too well. To this day, the image of Suzuka remained inked in his brain. 

 

“One more push, Hanabi-san!” Sakura encouraged, glancing up at Sasuke. “It’s almost over.”

 

Hanabi nodded and pushed again, groaning and straining every muscle in her body before she fell onto her back, gasping for breath. Sakura’s tiny laugh gave Sasuke the courage to look over Hanabi’s large belly once more, instinctively wincing. The last sight hadn’t been pretty.

 

“It’s a boy,” Sakura said, grabbing a clean towel to wipe the tiny infant when he cried. “You did it, Hanabi-san.”

 

Sakura handed the newborn to Hanabi, but she nodded to Sasuke. As she turned to him, Sasuke was rooted the spot, eyes locked with Sakura’s. 

 

“Don’t look so afraid,” Sakura joked, helping him position the child in his arms. “It’s your little boy, Sasuke-kun.”

 

Sasuke hesitated to look down. For months, he’d felt his son’s kicks and punches through Hanabi’s stomach. Sometimes, when Hanabi slept, he had whispered to him. Already then, he’d been attached to it. But with the baby in his arms, Sasuke realized he had been attached to the idea of his child. 

 

Slowly, Sasuke tipped his chin down until he was finally looking at the baby. Plump, tiny limbs and a round belly were his first sight, making him chuckle. Then came the wide, black eyes and the matching hair. The baby cried again, kicking.

 

“Don’t be so loud,” Sasuke said, all too aware of his cracking voice. He didn’t know what else to say, even though so many words raced through his mind. Who are you? Why are you crying?  What's wrong? Are you cold? Do I scare you?  “Everything’s alright.”

 

“Here.” Sakura offered him a larger blanket to wrap the baby in, helping Sasuke with it. “He looks perfectly healthy.”

 

Briefly, Sasuke remembered holding baby Shoyu this way, too. The amazement had been similar, but the absolute fright had been absent. This was  _ his _ baby to care for.

 

“What’s his name?” Sakura asked, cocking her head. “He’s got to have a name.”

 

Carefully, Sasuke caressed his son’s hair, so lightly he barely felt the hair at all. The baby calmed down, staring up at Sasuke through angry, watery eyes. On his chest, his tiny hands still balled into fists stopped their movements. 

 

“Shirakaba,” Sasuke finally said, running a finger down the baby’s cheek, along his visible tear troughs. “His name is Uchiha Shirakaba.”

 

Sakura smiled, planting a kiss on Sasuke’s cheek. “It’s a beautiful name, a beautiful namesake for your family.”

 

Sasuke nodded, glancing at Hanabi, who was still lying down, trying to catch her breath. “Hanabi,” Sasuke called as he stepped closer to her, leaning down to show her the baby. “Look at him.”

 

Hanabi turned her head towards Shirakaba, eyes watering as she brushed her thumb on the baby’s cheek. “He’s beautiful.”

 

Shuddering, Sasuke pressed her forehead to Hanabi’s, pressing a long kiss to her lips. “Thank you, Hanabi.”

 

…

 

Kakashi’s eyes roved over the distance, taking in what his beloved Konoha had finally come to be. Standing atop the headquarters of their new home, he had a grand view. Nothing like what it had been before, but it warmed his heart all the same. Though they didn’t stand as tall or solid, there were buildings as far as the eye could see. Finally, all had a place to call home. A plumbing system was in its infancy, all thanks to Nobuya. Electricity was routed to the main infrastructures, running from a nearby town’s old generators that they had patched up. Everything was finally stable. Food wasn’t quite plentiful still, but it was enough. They hadn’t known hunger for several seasons already. 

 

“Today,” Kakashi began, turning his eyes to the crowd below him, voice booming so he would be heard by all, “is the day I, Hatake Kakashi and Eight Hokage, pass on our flame to the younglings.” All below were silent, looking up to him. Under their collective gaze, Kakashi wanted nothing more than to get it over with. He had done a decent job, he liked to think, but he would never be the one to bring about a new world. “Today I step down from my position as Hokage and name my successor.”

 

There were whispers below him. Rumors always spread like wildfire, and all were impatient for the truth to be revealed.

 

“I leave one wish and hope to be fulfilled,” Kakashi said. “To see a new era begin, one of peace and great change. The world as we know it has since long been turned upside down. It’s time we of the old generation step down and allow the new generation to enact their own vision of the world. I trust that they will keep improving upon what we leave to them, as did we and the generations before us.”

 

Kakashi turned, motioning for them Sasuke and Naruto to step forward and into view of the crowd. Both wore solemn looks, a strange expression to see on Naruto’s usually cheerful face. 

 

“I name both Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki as my successors,” Kakashi announced proudly. “Together, they will find the balance we never could.”

 

The crowd below soon began cheering, quickly getting over the shock of their broken traditions. All had waited long to see Naruto finally fulfill his role. Certainly, Sasuke’s presence surprised some of them, but it hadn’t been entirely unexpected. After the Kyuubi’s attack, Sasuke’s sacrifice had become known to all. Coupled with his dedication to bettering Konoha, he had gained the loyalty of the Leaf’s citizens, little by little, to the point some looked up to him as they did Naruto. He, too, had become a legend in his own way.

 

“Now, now,” Kakashi said to them, smile under his mask. It was a sight for sore eyes to see them both in the Hokage’s robes. One he would have never thought to see after the war. To see them both there together -- it was right. It was perfect. “I think it’s time for a little speech.”

 

Naruto grinned, breaking his stern expression. He stepped forward with Sasuke, grabbing his fist and pumping it in the air. “Everyone!” he cheered, bright as the sun. “Together, let’s move Konoha forward! No matter the damage, the Leaf’s fire will always burn bright thanks to all of us!”

 

Immediately, the clapping and cheering boomed louder. 

 

“We are honored to stand before you as the Ninth Hokage,” Sasuke added. “We will not let such a gift go to waste. Together, we will work tirelessly to make Konoha greater, to make Konoha what it should always have been. To make the  _ world _ what it should always have been! Fair and free of hatred.”

 

“So that no one may suffer needlessly,” Naruto continued, looking sideways to meet Sasuke’s eyes. “So that none of us may ever know isolation, despair and objectification again!”

 

“As Ninth Hokage, our promise to you is,” Sasuke’s voice rang proud, loud and with conviction, “to change the meaning of being a shinobi.”

 

“Forever,” Naruto continued, “we have been raised to been weapons of war, but no longer. Each one of you is their own person, and your life deserves to be acknowledged. Not only on a monument for the dead, but now.”

 

“Together!” Sasuke shouted, raising Naruto’s fist together with his again.

 

Behind them, Kakashi smiled wider than he had in a long time. It was a dream come true, one that warmed him to his core. His students were home, safe and sound, growing into the men they had always been meant to be.

 

…

 

Sasuke took another swig straight from the bottle, enjoying the warmth it soaked in his throat. The stars were beautiful in the sky tonight, shining brighter than he remembered them to have been before. The grass was cool against the exposed skin of his neck and arms, a welcome relief from the balmy air. 

 

Chuckling, he passed the bottle to Sakura when she extended her hand. She was lying at his side, in an equally comatose state. 

 

“Beats the moonshine we had back in the day, doesn’t it?” Sasuke said, taking the bottle back when Sakura offered it. 

 

“I never had it, remember?” Sakura scoffed. “You were all lying around me, drunk, and I had to watch you without a drop of alcohol in my system. You were all ridiculous.”

 

“Right,” Sasuke nodded, swallowing his sip. “You were pregnant with Shoyu then.”

 

Sakura hummed, running her hands over her now flat belly. Smirking, Sasuke rolled on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. He ran his hand over her belly, brushing over her hands. 

 

“Sometimes I forget you aren’t perpetually pregnant,” Sasuke said, teasing. “When’s the next one now?”

 

Sakura turned her head to the side as she laughed, long blades of grass tickling her cheek, flushed with the sake in her system. “Don’t you think two’s enough?”

 

She caught his hands in hers, playing with his fingers. Sasuke shrugged, letting her do as she pleased with his hand. “I’ll miss it.”

 

“ _ I _ won’t,” Sakura huffed, playfully slapping his chest, leaving his skin numb under his shirt. “I felt like shit every day with the last one. You have a wife. Now it’s her problem to get you a pregnant belly to grope.”

 

Sasuke laughed, plopping back on his back as he drank from the bottle again. “You know she and I don’t get it on. She’s my wife, not my lover.”

 

Sakura smiled wickedly, rolling onto her stomach, half of her upper body propped on Sasuke’s chest. “I bet it’s because Hokage-sama can’t get it up.”

 

Sasuke smirked, chuckling. “You’re drunk, Sakura-chan.”

 

“Sure am,” she laughed, plopping down to lay on him as graciously as a cow. “Give me that bottle.”

 

Sasuke obeyed languidly, his body weighed down by the sake and hot summer sky. Or perhaps Sakura herself. 

 

Sakura swallowed a particularly large mouthful before putting the bottle down. “You didn’t defend yourself. You totally can’t get it up. Wait until I tell Naruto that!”

 

“You’re threatening your Hokage now?” Sasuke chastised, tipping Sakura’s chin up so she could see his reprimanding expression. “Scoot a little more over me, see if I can prove you wrong.”

 

Sakura laughed, unmoving as Sasuke knew she would be. Instead, she tugged at his shirt, toying with the material. Smiling to himself, Sasuke reached for the bottle again and swallowed the last of its contents. 

 

“Why Kakashi?” 

 

Sakura’s hands stopped their mindless fidgeting. It was a question that hung between all three of them, unanswered even so many years later. Naruto would never dare to ask it but in jest, but Sasuke wanted a real answer. He’d let her have her happiness all this time, after all. 

 

“I don’t know,” Sakura said softly. “I could say because you were all gone and he was the only one left. We thought we would die.”

 

Absent-mindedly, Sasuke caressed Sakura’s hair, listening in perfect silence as she constructed her answer.

 

“We never planned for it to happen, you know?” Sakura continued, resuming her tugging and pulling of his shirt. “Or, not really, at least. One day, the day before the war… I offered it to him. I don’t really know why. And don’t go thinking I propositioned him dirty or something!”

 

Sakura prodded at Sasuke’s collarbone, as if he had thrown some mocking insult. He chuckled, grabbing her hand before she could poke a hole through him. 

 

“It just… It came naturally, I’d like to say. We didn’t say anything about it, but when he followed me that morning, we both knew what was coming. We were okay with it.” Sakura’s voice drifted, taken by the memory. “Then, the war was over, and nothing was like we thought. We weren’t dead. He was still there.”

 

Sakura paused. Sasuke’s hand continued its unconscious ministrations and he remained silent, afraid that if he spoke he would interrupt Sakura’s open thinking.

 

“I don’t know why he did it. I don’t know why he came to me,” Sakura continued. “I was so young. I think he felt the same I did. He understood. Just like that, just because we understood… We were bound together, maybe?”

 

Between Sakura’s pauses, Sasuke watched the sky. The quiet buzzing of the forest around them was lulling, the stars like night lights for the children they once were. 

 

“He’s… He’s the best man I’ve ever known,” Sakura whispered. “That I’ll ever know. He’s the one I want to see smiling at the end of the day, the one that makes me smile at the end of the day. That’s all.”

 

Sasuke said nothing still. Sakura was done explaining herself, eyes closed and breaths slowing against his chest. It wasn’t long before she had dozed off, rocked to sleep by the alcohol in her system, most likely. Sasuke contemplated sleeping the night away right where they laid together. 

 

After a moment and a sigh, Sasuke moved carefully, gathering Sakura in his arms as he stood up. Sakura didn’t wake, not for the whole trip back to her house. By the time he reached the door, Kakashi opened it, having sensed them coming already. Neither of them spoke; they stood straight, gauging each other. 

 

Sasuke broke the tension. Without a word, he handed Sakura’s sleeping body to Kakashi. Kakashi took her from Sasuke, giving him a long look before he side stepped, motioning for Sasuke to come in. 

 

“It’s late,” Kakashi said. “Spend the night here.”

 

…

 

“What’s that you’re doing?” 

 

Hanabi remained focused on the piece of cloth she was stitching. “Shirakaba’s yukata for the marking ceremony. Father won’t let me push it back further.”

 

Sasuke frowned, looking over Hanabi’s shoulder to inspect the garment. “Your father doesn’t run the clan anymore,” he chastised, placing one hand on Hanabi’s neck, where her knew her to be ticklish.

 

Predictably, Hanabi squirmed and Sasuke smirked, kneeling down to trap Hanabi where she sat. Hanabi struggled against his hold and his tickling, but only elbowed him when he pressed a kiss to her temple. 

 

“Cut that out,” she growled, resuming her work.

 

“You’re my wife,” Sasuke chuckled, watching her work over her shoulder again, one hand on her shoulder. “That’s what husbands do.”

 

Hanabi scoffed, eyes narrowed as she worked on a particularly difficult part. “When did we ever agree to be that kind of husband and wife?”

 

One corner of Sasuke’s mouth lifted in a stilted smile. “Don’t be so stiff. I’m only teasing you.”

 

Hanabi’s hands paused and she relaxed somewhat, allowing Sasuke to lean against her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Sasuke knew full well that Hanabi only tolerated his physicality, but he didn’t bother restraining himself. She had agreed to marry him, after all.

 

“Did you get in a fight with Mai-chan?” Sasuke prodded, joking. “Or is it just that time of the month?”

 

“Stay out of my and Mai’s business,” Hanabi spat, shaking Sasuke off. “You’re annoying.”

 

Sasuke chuckled and pressed another kiss to Hanabi’s temple. “The yukata will look good on Shira. Thank you,” he whispered in her ear. 

 

Hanabi mellowed under him, a soft sigh escaping her lips. Satisfied, Sasuke stood up and left the room. Shirakaba came running down the hall, pointedly avoiding Sasuke as he passed him by, though Sasuke didn’t allow it and swiftly grabbed his son’s collar.

 

“Where are you going like that?” Sasuke asked, tugging on Shirakaba’s collar until he stumbled back enough to face him. 

 

“Shoyu said he’d show me a new jutsu today,” Shirakaba said sheepishly, tucking loose strands of black hair behind his ears. Just like Itachi, he had noticeable tear troughs, though they weren’t as pronounced. “I’ll be late.”

 

Sasuke chuckled as he hauled Shirakaba on his back. Just five, the boy was already so tall it was awkward to just pick him up. He already reached Sasuke’s navel, and kept growing by the day. Piggy back rides weren’t a problem, though, and Shirakaba still loved them, as demonstrated by his joyous encouragements as he settled on Sasuke’s back.

 

“Run fast today, dad!” Shirakaba demanded as Sasuke started jogging to the exit of the Hyuuga estate. The house was by no means as impressive as the original, but it sheltered the household decently. “I want to go fast!”

 

Once they were outside the door, Sasuke complied, smiling to himself when Shirakaba laughed and raised his arms as if he was flying. If life hadn’t followed the course Sasuke had wished for, Shirakaba had set it right all by himself. How those skinny limbs held such strength, Sasuke could never know. 

 

“Sasuke-san!” Shoyu called when Sasuke skidded to a stop in Sakura’s backyard. “I didn’t expect you.”

 

Backyard was a weak word to describe it. Sakura and Kakashi had built their house on the outskirts of the village, so their terrain had no real limit. They were quiet, here. 

 

“I thought I’d pay your mother a visit,” Sasuke said as he let Shirakaba off his back, who ran straight to Shoyu. Only fifteen, the top of Shoyu’s silver head already reached Sasuke’s nose. Without a doubt, he would be taller than his father. “Is she home?”

 

Shoyu playfully defended himself against Shirakaba’s onslaught of taijutsu, smiling to Sasuke. “I think she’s making lunch.”

 

Sasuke nodded, heading towards the small house that was Sakura’s home, though not entering it before stealing a glance back at the two children, a smile to his lips. 

 

“Oh, Sasuke-kun!” Sakura said as he walked in the kitchen. “You didn’t say you’d be coming with Shira-kun today.”

 

Quickly, she put down the knife she’d been chopping onions with and walked to him to plant a kiss on his cheek. Sasuke returned the gesture, tangling his hand in her hair as he kissed the side of her head. “Is Kakashi home?”

 

“No, he’s gone hunting,” Sakura said as she placed one hand on the small of her back and the other on her large, protruding belly. “He should be back soon. I don’t know if he’ll have managed to catch anything with Suama-chan tagging along.”

 

Sasuke chuckled, grabbing Sakura’s arm when she tried to return to her cooking. Sakura looked mildly annoyed, though she didn’t protest when he gently pulled open the lower half of her yukata to feel her belly. “It looks even bigger today. You’ll give birth any day, won’t you?”

 

‘It’ because Sakura would punch him into oblivion if he said she. 

 

Warm smile on her lips, Sakura placed Sasuke’s hands where the baby was kicking, as active as all his siblings had been in the womb. Sasuke didn’t move, allowing Sakura to guide him. her stomach was marred with stretch marks from her three pregnancies, though they were much lighter and fewer than Hanabi’s even with only one pregnancy, most likely thanks to her medic skills. Sasuke chuckled to himself, remembering how smooth those two bellies had once been. 

 

“Oi, Sasuke-chan!” Kakashi let out as he entered the room, Suama sitting on his shoulders. “What a surprise.”

 

“Catch anything?” Sasuke asked as he pulled his hands away from Sakura, even though he could perfectly see that Kakashi carried nothing but his daughter.

 

Kakashi smiled the way he always did and pulled Sakura in a tight hug, greeting her with a kiss. Sakura giggled against his lips, the perfect image of a loving wife even as she playfully fought his embrace. 

 

“I caught this one here,” Kakashi joked as he lifted Suama from his shoulders, leaving her to struggle in mid-air as he held her by the arms. “Tough catch she is.”

 

“Daddy!” Suama whined, kicking. “I’m too old for this!”

 

Sakura laughed and stole her daughter from Kakashi to let her down. “Your daddy’s a brute. Are you staying for lunch, Sasuke-kun?”

 

“Didn’t Suama-chan break all our extra plates?” Kakashi teased, smirking. “I don’t think we can ask Sasuke-chan to eat right off the table, can we?”

 

“Oh, you,” Sakura chastised as she rolled her eyes and slapped Kakashi’s arm. “Don’t mind him, Sasuke-kun.”

 

“I’m Hokage,” Sasuke chuckled, smirking at Kakashi as he sat at the kitchen table. “I can mind whomever I want.”

 

“Such respect for your ex-Hokage.” Kakashi clucked his tongue, shaking his head. “And co-Hokage, hm? Naruto isn’t any better than you.”

 

Sasuke scoffed. “You’re just an old geezer.”

 

Sakura placed a kettle of tea on the table between them, proceeding to slap the back of both of their heads before they could react. “Will you ever cut that shit out, both of you?”

 

“Such language, mom,” Shoyu joked as he walked in, leading Shirakaba in by the hand. “Is lunch ready?”

 

“Oh, bite me,” Sakura said, returning to her chopping. “It’ll be ready in a minute.”

 

Sasuke watched in silence as Kakashi sat Suama on his lap. Shoyu was busy setting the table with the help of Shirakaba. By the time Sakura served lunch, they were all sitting at the small table, Shirakaba on Sasuke’s lap so Shoyu could sit as well. Tea cup to his lips, Sasuke hid a smile, the tea sweet on his tongue with the taste of  _ home _ .

 

…

 

Hinata smiled to herself as she watched Hanabi dress Shirakaba in his ceremonial yukata. Hinata had offered to craft it for him, but Hanabi had done a better job than Hinata ever could. Though, Shirakaba’s opinion seemed to differ as he pulled at the hem of the garment.

 

“It’s too tight, Mother!” he complained. “I can barely walk.”

 

“I showed you how to walk in it,” Hanabi chastised as she spun the boy, inspecting the last few details of her work. “It’s just for a few hours, Shira-kun.”

 

Shirakaba grumbled some more, all too happy to waddle away when Hanabi let him free. 

 

“Is Sasuke-kun ready yet?” Hinata asked, looking over her shoulder to see the back of her kimono. “I haven’t seem him this morning.”

 

At her side, Ko pointedly ignored this part of the conversation.

 

“No, he’s taking too much time,” Hanabi scoffed. “I’ll have to go get him.”

 

“Go get who?”

 

Hinata started as she turned to see Sasuke entering the room behind her, his chest still slick with sweat and his pants riding low. Immediately, Hinata looked away, cheeks a little too warm and certainly red.

 

“You’ll be late for your son’s ceremony,” Ko said, tone accusatory. 

 

The sweat sticking to Sasuke’s skin wasn’t from a training session, they knew. Though he kept it discreet, being so close to Hanabi and Sasuke, Hinata was well aware of what their wedding arrangement was. It was a business agreement, at best. A veil to cover the eyes. Hanabi married to please the clan and produce an heir, to a man of good standing, even if their father had strongly disagreed. Behind closed doors, Hanabi was free to love another woman and Sasuke looked the other way. Just the same, Hanabi looked the other way when Sasuke wandered. 

 

“It’s not for another two hours,” Sasuke said off-handedly, used to Ko’s passive aggressiveness. 

 

For a long time, Hinata wondered why Sasuke had agreed to it. One day, she finally gathered the courage to ask him, and he was as brutally honest as always. Sasuke didn’t need a wife, rather a concubine -- a woman who would give him a child and let him retain his freedom. Hanabi was more than happy to do so, so they were a perfect match, in a sense. 

 

“Hinata,” Sasuke said as he stepped in front of her, running one hand over her obi. “You look lovely.”

 

“Thank you, Sasuke-kun,” Hinata whispered, shooting an embarrassed glance at a less than happy Ko. “You should get ready too.”

 

Ko cleared his throat, wrapping an arm around Hinata’s waist. “This is an important ritual for our clan. You should respect it, for your family’s sake.”

 

Sasuke remained unaffected, casually walking back the way he came. “How marvelous to see how impatient you are for your wife to be branded and leashed.”

 

Hanabi stalked after Sasuke, furious, though she threw Hinata a concerned glance before leaving. 

 

“Ko-kun,” Hinata cooed, wrapping her hands over his. “Don’t let him get to you like this.”

 

Gently, Ko cupped Hinata’s cheeks and leaned down to kiss her. Hinata’s breath caught in her throat, heart fluttering in her chest. Ko always knew how to steal her every thought with one swift kiss. Slowly, he backed her up against the wall, his careful kisses intensifying gradually. 

 

“Ko-kun,” Hinata gasped when one of his hands reached between the folds of her kimono to smooth over her inner thigh. “We’ll be the ones to show up late…”

 

“I’ll make sure we aren’t.” Ignoring her squirming, Ko brushed his fingers over her panties, before reaching into them to cup her sex. “Don’t worry.”

 

Though she leaned into his touch, her body already too hot for comfort, Hinata protested. “Not here -- we’ll be caught.”

 

Ko paid it no mind, drowning her complaints in kisses and listening to what her body pleaded for already instead. 

 

“Look who’s going to be late now.”

 

Ko’s head swirled around to see Sasuke walking through the room, fresh clothes under his arm that Hanabi had surely provided him with. Sasuke only chuckled, passing through like a breeze.

 

“What did I say,” Hinata huffed meekly.

 

Ko avoided looking at her, cheeks burning. 

 

…

 

Standing by her father as the ceremony started, Hinata’s heart began to race. By all logic, Hinata should have known that she would have to submit to the cursed seal one day, but she had never considered it. It seemed too far to exist. It might have been, had Hinata not stepped down from her position of clan heiress. Hanabi really did fit the role better.

 

Ko’s hand tightened around hers and Hinata looked up at him, happy to see his kind smile. 

 

“It only lasts a moment,” he comforted, whispering in her ear. “You’ll forget about it quickly.”

 

Under the careful choice of words, Hinata understood that there was little comfort to be had. There was no “ _ you won’t feel a thing,” _ or “ _ it’s not big deal.” _

 

“Hinata.”

 

Hinata turned to her father, her hands’ fidgeting hidden by her long kimono sleeves. “Yes, Father?”

 

Hiashi paused a moment, then looked at her, leaning down just barely. “Are you happy?”

 

It was barely above a whisper, words meant only for her. Hinata blinked, hesitating, and looked at Ko. Her gaze traveled to Hanabi, finishing the last preparations for the ritual. Sasuke stood a little to her side, Shirakaba’s small hand in his. Though Sasuke’s face was stern, Hinata knew what he really thought of this ceremony. 

 

“Yes, Father,” Hinata answered, timid smile quirking up the corners of her lips. “I am.”

 

Perhaps this wasn’t the life she had once known, but it was enough. With Ko at her side, holding her hand in his as he toyed with her engagement ring -- her mother's ring, a precious belonging Hiashi had refused to give to Hanabi -- it would be ungrateful to be unhappy. Naruto was home. Sasuke had achieved his dreams. The village was thriving. 

 

“That’s good.” 

 

With no more to say, Hiashi placed a gentle palm on Hinata’s shoulder. Though Hinata’s expression remained neutral, warmth spread in her chest. Life was as close to the  _ normal _ she knew now.

 

…

 

Gathered at the table as they were, Sakura couldn’t help but see them all as one big family. It had been a long time since they’d lit a bonfire to spend the night around, but here they were tonight. Even Gaara was present, pretending to be on some diplomatic mission, though he’d only really wanted to come visit Naruto. Ever since Suna had left the village a handful of years ago, visits had been few and sparse, but always welcomed. Though the situation in Suna wasn’t as pleasant as Konoha, they were rebuilding their home just fine. 

 

“Isn’t he wonderful?” Yamato cooed, holding up his son for all to see, such wonder in his eyes that it made Sakura giggle. “He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

 

At his side, Asami was cuddled up against his side, looking up at him with wide, hurt eyes. “Is that so?”

 

Yamato chuckled nervously, securing his son his lap before scratching the back of his neck. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had the chance of laying eyes upon,” he reassured, leaning down to press his forehead against hers before giving her a long kiss. “You’re both marvelous.”

 

Across the fire, Suigetsu clutched at his throat, making retching sounds. “You are disgusting.”

 

In Yamato’s lap, the baby regurgitated on his pants. 

 

“He even agrees!” Suigetsu cackled.

 

Dropping besides Yamato, Kakashi threw an arm around his friend, whispering something in his ear that made Yamato’s cheeks red as a beet. Sakura laughed to herself, not needing to hear to know her husband was making of fun of Yamato. It was odd to see the roles reversed. Though Yamato and Asami had never lived apart once he had taken her in, they’d only officially become a couple a few months prior to Asami’s pregnancy.

 

Sakura had even asked him about it, confused how he could do such a thing after how disgusted he had been to hear of her and Kakashi. He’d had little to say for himself, save for the fact that he had never willingly touched her before she was long past legal age. 

 

“It’s weird, don’t you think?” Sasuke whispered into her ear. Between his legs, leaning against his chest, Shirakaba was long asleep. “Not a peep from them until she’s basically pregnant.”

 

Sakura nudged his shoulder, pouting. “Let them be happy, will you?”

 

“I’m just saying,” Sasuke continued with a shrug of his shoulders. “Her time was running out. Seems she roped him in before it was too late.”

 

“You’re so mean,” Sakura chastised. 

 

“What?” Sasuke wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. “Not everyone gets a happy ending like you.”

 

Sweeping her eyes around her, Sakura’s shoulders deflated. Sasuke was right, always so honest. Sasuke himself was hardly in a good relationship. Shikamaru had never seemed to get over Temari. Suigetsu had never found anyone to endure his kind of crazy. Even Juugo remained by himself after Katashi's mother’s death. Though Ino and Lee had married eventually, they remained childless; Ino had miscarried more times than she could count and their attempts to form a family had died together with their stillborn child. 

 

Looking at Kakashi across the fire, Sakura forced a smile. They truly were blessed.

 

Though when Sakura found Hinata and Ko asleep against one another, Sakura felt relieved. It was false to say that only she and Kakashi had found their happiness. Even Gaara was now married and had fathered a pair of healthy twins. Though Sakura had never met his wife, Gaara spoke fondly of her. Whatever Yamato and Asami’s situation truly was, Sakura figured it couldn’t be so bad if they were here, smiling and laughing together. No matter how disgustingly sweet and syrupy they tended to be. 

 

Glancing at Sasuke besides her, her smile grew wider. Though he hadn’t found love in a woman, Sasuke had found his happiness too, and it sat right in his lap. 

 

“Why’re you smiling like that?” Sasuke asked, propping his head against hers. 

 

“It’s nothing,” she said quietly, leaning closer to trap him in a hug.  “Family Fridays are just nice.”

 

After all they had endured, it was a miracle that they were all here together, smiling. Living. Though many faces were missing, they would never be forgotten. Life, Sakura thought, watching the fire dance before, was incredible. Through it all, they had found a way to survive, and then thrive. It had seemed impossible back then, but here they were. 

 

_ “For the Will of Fire will burn stronger thanks to you,” _ Sakura remembered singing, in times where she had lost all hope. Whether or not those lyrics rung true, she wasn’t sure, but it seemed fitting. 

 

Death and suffering were behind them now. They could finally breathe.

 

…

 

A/N (LolaLot): Well, now it truly ends. What a ride this has been. I want to thank Amrun profusely for writing this with me. I still remember the day and how we came to decide to write this story. We were just in sync, as we have been through the rest of this story and in our brainstorm about our personal stories. She’s the best. 

 

I also want to thank each and every one of you who has been reading and reviewer. It was a wild two years. I am so, so satisfied of this project. I would love to rewrite it entirely, and maybe someday we will, but for the moment, this is the end of it. I can hardly believe it. 

 

The best I can do is to keep moving on! I’d told myself “no more fanfiction” from now on, but of course, I can’t keep away from KakaSaku. As such, I have started a new story. The idea sparked when the manga ended -- we can’t possibly have such a domestic Sakura! You can guess where it goes. It is posted under my profile as “What Dreams Are Made Of.”

 

Again, thank you to everyone. It has been lovely.

 

A/N (Amrun):  It’s hard to believe this is done.  Working with LolaLot has been so fun and educational.  Being able to ask someone’s opinion and actually trust the answer is a pretty rare gift.  Plus she kicks my ass daily which I totally need to stay on track.

 

I close this story at basically the same time as I am closing Playing the Game.  Perhaps this is the curtain on my forays into Naruto fanfiction -- and yet again, perhaps it isn't.  It's an excellent stress reliever and a good way to try out certain techniques for how they pan to an audience.  So… Probably I'll be back around.

 

It has been great fun to see people react to this story.  We knew it would be incendiary; in fact we hoped it would be.  Despite the laughs and the lemons, Under the Moon‍‍’s Eye should also make you uncomfortable, sad, even angry.  I hope it did.  If it didn't, then we didn't achieve what we set out to.

 

Thanks for so many readers and reviewers even with the gritty subject matter.  We appreciate you all.

 

Additional A/N from LolaLot: Amrun is much more eloquent than I am.

 

Also, kudos to the person who can guess the little, complicated and completely useless thing we inserted into every chapter until it was complete.


	34. Extra

**A/N: So I found this thing in the mess that is the folder that contains Moon. I didn't even remember writing it, but I liked it, so I decided to share it! Ever since we finished Moon, I've wanted to post tidbits about it. Probably because I just can't quite let these characters go still. So here's a short extra!**

Whether they were or not, Sasuke felt all eyes on him. The sensation was far from unfamiliar to him - though it had never been quite like this. He'd been looked upon with envy, wonder, pity, hatred… but never quite this odd mix of gratitude, relief and caution. All of them had watched him be struck down by the Kyuubi, only to stand before them minutes later, with Naruto no less. He didn't know what to think or feel - they all did.

"Welcome back," Shikamaru had said, breaking the ice they all skated on.

Shino had come and extended his hand for a friendly shake. For as far as Sasuke could recall, that had been the extent of his interaction with the bug boy for their entire lives.

Hinata had come to him again once she caught him alone, trapping him between her arms, whispering her relief and happiness to see him safe and sound. Though he had nothing to say, he returned her embrace, welcoming what few feelings he knew to be honest.

Eventually, it was Ino's turn, a tearful and wild mess, with Choji and Lee on her heels.

More came and went, and all along Yamato remained on the sidelines. They had had a handful of conversations here and there during the past year, though never alone nor beyond casual card game banter. Sheepish though the man appeared, he made Sasuke's hair stand on the back of his neck. Should he slip once more, there was no doubt that Yamato would be the first to bury his blade in his neck. Unlike Kakashi, Yamato wasn't tied by the past.

When Kakashi finally called it a night, Sasuke was quick to stand and walk away. It had been too long a day. He'd been spared the clean up effort, but his body ached all the same. They had been lucky - a miracle, really - that after a double-attack from the beasts, only a fraction of the village had been touched. The Gobi had been released a distance from Konoha's district, though not entirely too far away to avoid some damage. Within a few weeks, everything would be back to normal, Sasuke reckoned.

For now, Sasuke dropped down on his sleeping bag, staring at the ceiling of someone's spare tent he was relegated to. Inhaling a deep breath, he closed his eyes. He'd longed for the peace of loneliness since he'd awoken. He ran a hand up his shirt, feeling the remnants of his injury. Though all evidence was gone from his skin, his shirt told a different tale. It had all happened too fast for Sasuke to feel in its entirety, but now he could see the extent of his phantom wound. It mustn't have been a pretty sight for Sakura.

With a long sigh, Sasuke stared at his hands.

"I'm alive."

He repeated it, as though to convince himself. Did he feel alive? How could one feel alive after dying? And death - what had death been? Illusion or reality, a delusion, even, Sasuke couldn't tell.

But no, Sasuke decided, it could not be anything but real. Itachi had not been a figment of his imagination, just like the loss of his eye couldn't be. Not when they left such deep marks.

He had died, Sasuke was convinced - or a part of him died.

The second he had awoken that much was crystal clear to him. Frowning, he tried to activate his sharingan, then again, and again and again, but to no avail - he had been right.

A part of him had died, washing away all the rot that had overtaken his body and mind for as long as he could remember.

He was alive. He had died, but he was alive - _truly_ alive now.


	35. Chapter 35

“Shoyu?”

 

Shoyu straightened his back the best he could. “Yes, Hokage-sama?”

 

Sasuke looked him straight in the eye, face impassive. “Are you listening?”

 

“Cut him some slack,” Naruto said, grinning. “This is some big news to digest.”

 

Kakashi put a hand on Shoyu’s shoulder. Shoyu looked up at his father. His face -- or rather his mask -- was neutral, but Shoyu could read it as easily as his mom could.

 

“Pay attention, son,” Kakashi said. Shoyu nodded listlessly. “This is not the time for distractions.”

 

“I apologize.” Shoyu bent at the waist. “I… was not expecting this kind of news.”

 

Naruto laughed, leaning back far in his chair. “I bet. But don’t worry, Shoyu-kun. It’s gonna be great, really. Having a tailed beast with you is like having a best friend inside you.” Naruto paused, rubbing his chin. “Once you get past the phase where you hate each other, at least. But then it’s awesome!”

 

“It’s a good thing -- now,” Kakashi added. Sakura smiled at him, bittersweet, from Shoyu’s other side. “You should accept.”

 

“Kakashi -- “ Sakura grabbed Kakashi’s sleeve at the elbow. “Maybe we should talk this over first?”

 

“The decision won’t be made today,” Sasuke cut in, hands folded under his chin. “Shoyu is certainly the best candidate, but not the only one. Should he refuse, there will be other options.”

 

“But why would he?” Naruto said, turning to Sasuke with a frown. “I just told him how great it is.”

 

“I’m sure you thought so when you were young, too.”

 

Naruto’s lips thinned in a tight line and he stared at the desk. Shoyu looked down at his feet. He’d heard stories of Hokage-sama’s youth, of his ascension to greatness. It had not been an easy path, but one the entire village admired. Now, though, as his father said, tailed beasts were no longer considered the enemy. He would not be shunned as Hokage-sama was. 

 

“Shoyu-kun,” Sakura called. “Do you have anything to say?”

 

Shoyu scratched the back of his head and shook his head. 

 

“You accept now, then?” Kakashi said.

 

Shoyu’s stomach tightened so hard it hurt. He’d only been told the news minutes ago -- how could he decide  _ now _ ? And if he refused, what would his father say? It was so clear on his face that no was not an option he would accept. 

 

“I won’t accept an answer today,” Sasuke said. Naruto frowned at him, but remained silent. “Shoyu will come to us when he has made a decision -- on his own.”

 

Dismissed, Shoyu left with his parents. He stared at his father’s back on the way home. Kakashi was a living legend, as were the Hokages. It was hard to picture his father as he was in the tales -- a grand, ruthless warrior -- when all he ever saw of him was so mild. He was very affectionate to his wife, teasing to his former students… A goof. 

 

Stories said this same man ripped out the hearts of his enemies with lightning.

 

Shoyu stared at his hand. The raikiri had been passed on to him long ago, but he had yet to spill blood. 

 

“Shoyu-kun.”

 

Shoyu looked up at his mother. She was smiling as she always did. 

 

“How about we take the day off training today?” she said. “You seem like you’ll be too distracted to be any good to patients today.”

 

Shoyu nodded. The last thing he needed was to kill someone in a surgery meant to save them. 

 

“We’ll spar then,” Kakashi said, turning to Shoyu to ruffle his hair. “It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to see how your training with Sasuke-chan is going.”

 

Sakura rolled her eyes. “You’re so obsessed.”

 

“I am not.”

 

“Yes, you are,” Sakura chastised. “Things are different now. You can relax, you know?”

 

Kakashi said nothing. Shoyu looked up at the sky. The morning was just starting and he could tell the day would be rough.

 

…

 

Shoyu groaned as his side hit the ground. His father had no doubt broken his rib. It didn’t stop there -- Kakashi rushed him and landed a few more decent hits before Shoyu fought back. All it took was one strong pulse of chakra up Kakashi’s shoulder to paralyze him just long enough to gain the advantage. Shoyu flipped them over and put a hand on Kakashi’s throat, panting and clutching his side.

 

“Good work,” Kakashi said, still wincing from the pain in his shoulder. “You need to be more aggressive, though.”

 

Shoyu slid off his father and got to work on healing his shoulder. “It’s just sparring, Dad.”

 

“It’s not just sparring,” Kakashi said. “This is training. So you’ll be ready when you need to be.”

 

“For what?” Shoyu sighed. With Kakashi’s shoulder fixed, he moved on to his own rib. The pain made it hard to talk. “There’s hardly been any fighting for over a decade. What do you think is going to happen?”

 

Kakashi sat up, frowning. “Peace never lasts, son. I want you to have the strength you need to protect those you love when the time comes.”

 

“I’m strong already. Right?”

 

Kakashi nodded.

 

“How much stronger do I need to be, then?”

 

Kakashi remained silent. Rib healed, Shoyu sat with his father. He didn’t know what had happened to make his father like this, but he wished he could hear the story someday. To know why his eyes went dark and vacant as they did sometimes like now. His mom knew, he could tell from the way they both stared at each other in silence sometimes, but he didn’t dare ask. 

 

“Dad?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“What was your life like when you were my age?”

 

Kakashi hummed in thought. “How old are you already?”

 

Shoyu nudged his shoulder. “Come on, Dad. Be serious. I’m seventeen, I’m not a child anymore.”

 

Kakashi smiled and wrapped an arm around Shoyu’s shoulders, pulling him tight against him. “I was a ninja. You know that already.”

 

“But what did you  _ do _ ?”

 

“Missions,” Kakashi said blandly. “Whatever the Hokage asked of me.”

 

“What about your family? Did you live by yourself?”

 

Kakashi ran a hand through Shoyu’s hair, pulling back the silver mess that was so similar to his. He stared at him for a while, as if comparing himself to his son, and Shoyu did the same. He envied his father for his stronger cheekbones. He’d inherited his mother’s round cheeks and they made him look younger than he was. 

 

“I lived by myself,” Kakashi finally said. “My family was dead.”

 

Shoyu had already known his father’s immediate family was dead -- he had no grandparents or aunts or uncles, after all -- but he hadn’t imagined they had all died so early. The only person with a living grandparent he knew about was Choko, Choji’s daughter. Grandparents were rare.

 

“How did they die?”

 

Kakashi hummed again. “It’s not a nice story.”

 

“I want to know,” Shoyu said, firm. “You’re always talking about me needing to be strong, but you won’t tell me about anything like that. Don’t you think that’s unfair?”

 

“You remind me of your mother.” Smiling under his mask, Kakashi ruffled Shoyu’s hair. “You win, then. My father killed himself and my mother went missing on a mission when I was still a baby. It was assumed she died.”

 

“You never knew for sure?”

 

Kakashi shook his head. “They were never able to retrieve her body or confirm her death, but it’s the likely outcome.”

 

“Why… why did your father kill himself?”

 

Kakashi told the story slowly, but succinctly. Shoyu stared down at his shoes. The world his father -- and mother, and all the adults, really -- knew was so different from the one he grew up in. There was no tailed beast destroying villages, no missions where ninja killed each other. Suna had only recently returned to their country and relations with Kumo were good. 

 

“I hope things stay as they are,” Kakashi said, eyes up to the sky. “Peaceful, quiet. It’s how it should be. I’ll do anything if it means you and your siblings get to have that kind of life.”

 

“Do you ever miss your old life?”

 

Kakashi took a moment to answer. “No, not truly.”

 

“Boys!” Sakura called from a distance behind them. “It’s time for lunch!”

 

Shoyu stood up. His stomach had been growling a while already and he was more than glad to be done fighting for the day. 

 

…

 

The rest of the afternoon, Shoyu did his best to teach Sasuke’s son the fireball jutsu. Sasuke had taught it to him when he was Shirakaba’s age, a decade ago, and Shoyu was eager to return the favor. He’d been teaching various jutsus to Shirakaba for a while now and he finally seemed ready to take on a bigger challenge.

 

A fireball the size of Shoyu’s palm came out of Shirakaba’s mouth and promptly went up in smoke. 

 

Shirakaba frowned. “I can’t do it.”

 

“It’s okay,” Shoyu comforted. “You’ll get there. It just takes time and practice.”

 

The truth was Shirakaba was taking much longer than anticipated. Sasuke had been hailed a genius early on, but the same certainly couldn’t be said of his son.

 

“How long did it take you, Nii-san? I’ve been trying for  _ months _ .”

 

Shoyu patted his head, smiling. “It doesn’t matter how long it took me. Just keep working hard, Shira-kun. You’ll get it.”

 

Shirakaba dropped to the ground on his butt, pouting so fiercely Shoyu couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“Want to hear a story about your father?”

 

Shirakaba immediately perked up and nodded vigorously.

 

Shoyu sat with Shirakaba on the grass. “When he was your age, he was learning this jutsu, too. But you know what? His father was so focused on teaching his brother that he had no time for Sasuke. So Sasuke learned it all by himself. You know how?”

 

Shirakaba shook his head.

 

“Through hard work and determination. He wanted to succeed so much that he never gave up until he reached his goal.”

 

Shirakaba’s pout returned. He crossed his arms over his body. “But he learned it all by himself. I can’t even do it with you. And it’s not even a nice story! Dad’s dad spent too much time caring about others instead of him, too.”

 

Smiling, Shoyu laid a hand on Shirakaba’s shoulder. “It’s a nice story. Don’t you understand what your dad learned besides the jutsu?”

 

“That he’s a genius?”

 

Shoyu laughed and shook his head. “No. He learned he could be strong by himself, that he didn’t need to rely on others. And that he could work so hard nothing would ever be impossible if he really tried. He learned about his strength.”

 

Shoyu himself had always enjoyed the story. It was one of the few snippets of Sasuke’s past he was allowed to know about. To this day, Shoyu could still remember the moment Sasuke had told him about it as clear as water. It had only taken him a few times before he was able to spit a decent fireball, and Sasuke had shared the story with him as a reward of kinds. A warning, rather.

 

Shirakaba sat silent on the grass, deep in thought. “I want to be like Dad.”

 

Shoyu smiled. “That’s a good goal, Shira-kun.”

 

After their break, Shoyu continued supervising Shirakaba’s attempts at a fireball jutsu until his chakra ran too low and they moved on to taijutsu. There, Shirakaba had a much easier time. Sasuke’s speed and reflexes had definitely been passed on to his son. Teaching Shirakaba always brought a smile to his face and he wondered if his father and Sasuke felt the same about teaching him when he was younger. It was just too cute watching a little boy a tenth of his size flailing about.

 

Senses tingling, Shoyu hopped to the side just in time to avoid Sasuke’s surprise attack. Shoyu and Shirakaba should have been done training a while ago, he realized. Sasuke continued his onslaught and Shoyu dodged. Shirakaba was cheering them on from the side, clapping. Sasuke summoned a large burst of electricity and Shoyu had no choice but to counter it with a bolt of equal force if he didn’t want to be fried alive.

 

Sasuke didn’t relent yet. He sent a fireball his way and Shoyu blocked it with a mud wall. Sasuke was already at his side and kicked him into the wall. It was over then, with the sound of raikiri ringing in Shoyu’s ears.

 

“You’re too soft,” Sasuke said.

 

Shoyu sighed, rubbing his sore shoulder. His ears still buzzed and his head was still fuzzy from hitting the wall. Both Sasuke and his father told him this often and he was tired of hearing it. He was good enough at dodging and he did  _ not _ want to practice being hit more than necessary. 

 

Sasuke, though, hardly cared and made sure he practiced every time they met. 

 

“Your mother is waiting for you,” Sasuke said to his son. “You’re late for dinner.”

 

“Aren’t you coming, Dad?”

 

“Later,” Sasuke said, his voice soft the way it was only for his son. “We’ll play hide and seek tonight, but for now I need to talk to Shoyu.”

 

Shirakaba nodded and ran to Shoyu, giving him one great big hug. “Thanks for training today, Nii-san!”

 

Shoyu smiled, returning his hug. “I had fun too, Shira-kun. Now go eat dinner before it gets cold.”

 

Shirakaba nodded, gave his father the same hug, and ran back to the Hyuuga estate.

 

Now alone with Sasuke, Shoyu looked at him, waiting for him to speak. After a moment of silence, Sasuke placed a hand on Shoyu’s head and smirked.

 

“I knew you’d be taller than your father one day,” he said. “I didn’t realize it would come so soon.”

 

Shoyu’s cheeks flushed. “Am I? I didn’t notice.”

 

Sasuke hummed and took his hand away to pinch Shoyu’s cheek instead. “You blush so easily.”

 

Naturally, Shoyu’s cheeks only became redder. “I’m not blushing.”

 

Sasuke laughed and began walking away. “Let’s have dinner together.”

 

Shoyu followed, jogging behind him until he matched his stride. “I don’t really want to talk about today.”

 

“Then we won’t.”

 

Trailing behind Sasuke, Shoyu realized he was right. He’d grown taller and Sasuke no longer seemed any taller than him. His shoulders, though, remained broader. 

 

“Do you have plans for the night?”

 

Shoyu nodded. “I’m going to visit Otafuku again. I found a lot of cool stuff last time, but I didn’t have enough time…”

 

Sasuke smirked, throwing an arm around Shoyu’s shoulder. “So you told your parents you’d be spending the night over, didn’t you?”

 

Chuckling, Shoyu scratched the back of his head. “I did.”

 

“Your mother would be horrified if she knew you were able to lie,” Sasuke laughed. “You’re still her sweet baby.”

 

“I guess it’s just natural.” Shoyu shrugged, all too conscious of the weight of Sasuke’s arms on his shoulders. “There’s a lot she doesn’t know about me.”

 

“Why is that?” Sasuke asked, watching Shoyu. “What don’t you tell her?”

 

Shoyu stared at Sasuke for a second too long, then looked away, cheeks burning. “I don’t know. I just don’t think my parents need to know everything. Is that so bad?”

 

Sasuke shrugged and his arm slid away from Shoyu. “No, it’s not. It’s just interesting.”

 

Relieved, Shoyu continued walking in silence. He wished he didn’t always feel so embarrassed around Sasuke lately, but it wasn’t something he could change, he supposed. Life was the way it was.

 

“Is there anything you don’t tell  _ me _ ?”

 

“A few things,” Shoyu said. “Not much.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because.” Shoyu frowned, pointedly looking away from Sasuke. “No one says everything to anyone.”

 

Sasuke hummed and nodded. “I’d be worried if you told me everything so easily.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Because people who have nothing to hide aren’t normal,” Sasuke laughed. “We all have some secrets we can’t tell others.”

 

“Tell me some of yours,” Shoyu said, halting his walk. Sasuke stopped a step ahead and turned back to him. “You never say anything about yourself. That’s not normal either.”

 

“I never said  _ I _ was normal.”

 

“But you want me to be normal?”

 

“Yes.” Sasuke nodded. “Is it so strange?”

 

“I suppose not,” Shoyu sighed.

 

“I’ll tell you one thing.”

 

Shoyu looked up at Sasuke, ears perked up.

 

“I’m married to Hanabi-chan for appearances only.”

 

Frowning, Shoyu cocked his head to the side. “What does that mean?”

 

“It means we married because it was mutually beneficial,” Sasuke said. “Not because we loved each other or wanted to.”

 

“Why?”

 

The concept was entirely foreign to Shoyu. His parents still seemed in love to this very day, and so did Ino and Lee. The very point of marriage was to unite two people in love, wasn’t it?

 

“She loves women,” Sasuke said, resuming their walk. Shoyu followed eagerly. “Not very conducive to having children for her clan. I wanted a child and no wife, so we married and had a child.”

 

“But now you have a wife.”

 

“Aren’t you listening?” Sasuke chuckled. “On paper, I do.”

 

“And not on paper?”

 

“I get to do what I want.”

 

“ _ Who _ you want, you mean,” Shoyu said. 

 

Sasuke laughed. “I knew you weren’t that dense.”

 

Shoyu pursed his lips. 

 

“You’re still a virgin, aren’t you? That’s why you blush you so much.”

 

“Stop saying I blush.”

 

“You do.”

 

“You don’t have to keep pointing it out!”

 

Sasuke laughed again and Shoyu could only frown in defense.

 

“Say,” Shoyu whispered. “Does that mean you like men?”

 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Why are you asking?”

 

Shoyu shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “If your wife likes women and married you because of that, maybe you like men and married her for that? So you both do what you want?”

 

“ _ Who _ we want.” Sasuke smirked. “That’s not a question I’ll answer. Not for free.”

 

“What’s the price then?”

 

Sasuke hummed. “Tell me your most embarrassing secret.”

 

Shoyu sucked on the inside of his lip. It wasn’t hard to decide what his most embarrassing secret was. He looked at Sasuke, at the wolfish grin he so often wore, and his heart raced.

 

“I can’t,” Shoyu finally said.

 

“Then I won’t answer your question.”

 

Shoyu sighed. “You’re always so difficult.”

 

“You’re just too soft,” Sasuke said. “It’s not so hard to get what you want out of people if you try.”

 

“What’s that even supposed to mean?”

 

“You could get your answer from me if you wanted. Who said you had to tell the truth about your secret?”

 

Shoyu paused. “But I don’t want to lie to you.”

 

“That’s alright,” Sasuke said. “I’d rather you don’t. But it is why you’re too soft -- you can’t trick people.”

 

Staring at his feet, Shoyu thought of his spar with his father just that morning. Both of them reproached him this quality. It must be what his father meant, too. Sasuke and his father both fought dirty by his standards, but it was how they always won against him in the end. 

 

…

 

Crouched down, Shoyu chucked a piece of chicken jerky between him and the cat hiding under the table. It was horribly skinny and could use the food much more than he could himself. The cat drew his ears back, back round, but his nostrils flared as it smelled the meat.

 

“It’s okay,” Shoyu whispered.

 

He held his hand out, showing the cat the back of it. The cat inched closer from under the table, watching Shoyu intently as it inhaled the meat. Shoyu took out another piece and held it out. It took a while and some more coaxing, but the cat finally came close enough to take the piece from his hand. 

 

“There you go.”

 

Shoyu offered it a few more pieces until the cat was relaxed and purring as he petted it. Scrawny as it was, it was still cute. He could probably get away with bringing it back home once he was done here.

 

While Prawn -- because he had a soft brown fur that reminded him of cooked prawns -- ate his fill, Shoyu took his sweet time to explore the bookshop. There were books in Konoha, but certainly not a store that sold them. There were only a handful of stores in the village, nearly all for basic necessities like food and clothing. There were still price tags on the books, some not so worn and still readable. He recognized the sign of the currency as the one they still used, but he doubted it translated well to today’s value. Or maybe the before-people were rich enough to spend a week’s worth of food money on a single book?

 

Several books caught his attention; the first of them being Icha Icha. His mom had often said the name while teasing his father. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find out what kind of book it was. With a shrug, he threw it in his backpack, followed by books on cooking, the history of Konoha and Suna, and modern technology. One more attracted his eye, but he opted to leave it behind. His bag was becoming heavy and he had no piano to practice what the book would teach him anyway. 

 

Shoyu hummed and looked around the shelves once more until he found a book about cats. It might help him know whether or not Prawn was sick.

 

“Ready to go, Prawn?”

 

Prawn meowed loudly, all the while purring. Shoyu laughed and picked the cat up. It settled on his shoulder, comfortable and clawing at his back. 

 

Just as he had the last time he came here, Shoyu walked slowly through the streets. He fed Prawn a piece of meat every now and then. Everything felt so foreign to him. Even the ground below his feet was fashioned from some type of rock. The streets were lined with tall logs of wood and strange tubes were connected to them. Wires, he’d found out. They carried electricity that produced light coming from the bulbs he saw everywhere here. That such a thing was possible was beyond him, yet it was real. 

 

His parents often lamented the lack of electricity and how convenient everything used to be. When he was a child, he would produce a small amount of electric chakra in his hands and present it to his parents, hoping to please them, but they only laughed. It wasn’t quite the same, they said, and he now guessed he needed to channel the electricity through those wires somehow.

 

There were many restaurants and stalls along the road and a quick check inside them revealed that their cooking tools were also connected by wires. The before-people didn’t use fire to warm their water or oil. Throughout the kitchens, Shoyu found many items he wished he could bring back to study further. One metal grid with many small, round holes looked particularly funny to him, but he also liked a certain cube thing he found. He didn’t know the material it was made of very well -- plastic, if he recalled correctly -- and it had a glass panel on the front. He would ask Sasuke about it.

 

When he entered a new shop, Shoyu froze. There was a man inside. Silent as he could be, Shoyu hid Prawn in his bag and placed it just outside the door.

 

“Hello,” Shoyu said.

 

The man jumped and turned around, drawing his weapon. 

 

Shoyu held up his hands. “I’m not a threat.”

 

The man wore a headband like his father and Naruto did, only with the Kumo insignia. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m just looking around. You?”

 

“You’re from Konoha.”

 

Shoyu nodded. “And you’re from Kumo?”

 

The man was still poised for battle. Shoyu controlled his breathing the best he could, every muscle in his body tight. The man’s sword glistened just barely, reflecting what little moonlight there was. 

 

“That’s none of your business. Get out of here.”

 

“I’m just curious -- “ Shoyu took a step back when the man lifted his sword. “I just want to know what you’re doing here. You knew this place before the war, didn’t you?”

 

“What did I say?” the man growled. “Fuck off!”

 

“I’m not hostile,” Shoyu repeated. 

 

The man either didn’t believe him or care -- he rushed forward. Shoyu dodged the first swing of his sword. His heart raced and boomed in his ears. He had definitely aimed to kill. Shoyu ran for the window and crashed through it. He fled, but the man followed him.

 

“Go away!” Shoyu shouted. “I’m not a threat!”

 

It was no use. Shoyu couldn’t shake him. Swallowing against his dry throat, he stopped and faced the man. He must have had a good thirty years on him -- thirty years of fighting experience just like his father had. Shoyu hurried the hand seals for a mud wall and tried to trap the man in a cage, but in his haste, the wall was too weak and crumbled when the man crashed into it. 

 

Backed into a wall, Shoyu had no choice but to fight in close-quarters. He dodged the first slash, but the second sliced his side and Shoyu yelped in pain. He tried to run again, but the man grabbed his collar and sent him tumbling to the ground. Shoyu rolled out of the way when the man aimed the tip of his sword towards his heart. Hand coated in chakra, Shoyu grabbed the sword and pulled as he hard as he could. The man came down with the sword and Shoyu pressed a hand to his chest. His chakra control would normally be as precise as his mother’s, but today, it came in one strong burst. There were crunching and squelching sound inside the man that almost made Shoyu retch. 

 

Shoyu shoved the man off of him and scrambled away until his back hit the wall. The man lay lifeless before him, back twisted grossly. Trying to catch his breath, Shoyu stared at him. There was no blood. There hadn’t even been a sound -- he’d died instantly. He’d only meant to severe the largest blood vessel in his heart. Instead, he’d… pulverized, it felt like, his insides. It had been easy, even. 

 

Swallowing, Shoyu stood up. He stared a moment longer, like the man may still come back to life and try to kill him again, then hurried back to hurried back to where he left Prawn and his bag.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

Shoyu wiped sweat from his brow. Today’s surgery was nothing but a routine cesarean section -- far from his first -- but the sight of the woman’s bloody insides left him dizzy He hadn’t had much sleep the previous night, he tried to reason with himself, or maybe he was just dehydrated. The baby now out and safe, he handed it to Shizune and got to work on meshing the open wound back together. 

 

“Great job, Shoyu-kun,” Shizune said, cleaning the baby. “You’re flawless, as always.”

 

Shoyu nodded. “Thank you.”

 

“Will you be coming to class later today?”

 

When he took too long to answer, his mother did for him. “Shoyu-kun has little interest in poison-making. It’s not like I haven’t tried.”

 

Indeed, his mother had. It baffled him why a doctor ought to learn how to produce toxins to kill a living being.

 

“He’s such a gentle soul,” Shizune chuckled. “I’m not surprised. It would be good for you, though, Shoyu-kun. You never know when it will come handy.”

 

“She’s not wrong,” Sakura added. “The better you are at making poisons, the better you are at undoing them.”

 

His mother wasn’t wrong either -- only they hadn’t seen a case of deliberate poisoning in five years and it was of little use. 

 

“I think I’m satisfied with my current knowledge.”

 

Sakura and Shizune continued lamenting his lack of interest in their specialization and Shoyu tuned out of the conversation. He’d already studied an entire year under Shizune’s tutelage the year before last and he was not looking to repeat the experience. His mother might have been a strict teacher to her students, but Shizune was downright commandeering.

 

The surgery now over, Shoyu held up his arms as a nurse used a water jutsu to clean them. He could do it himself, but with water being his weakest element, it was too big a waste of chakra.

 

Sakura stood by him and nudged his arm with her shoulder. “I talked it over with Shizune and… We think you’re ready to graduate. We’ll file the paperwork to make it official today.”

 

Shoyu stared at his hands. It had been obvious he would be a surgeon and doctor just like his mother -- he’d been training for it since he finished general schooling, after all -- but he hadn’t thought it would come so soon. Little was expected of him as a student.

 

“Isn’t that marvelous?” Sakura said, smiling up at him. “I remember the day I graduated -- for me, that was becoming a chuunin, but still. I was so proud of myself. I finally felt like I could be useful.”

 

“You are useful, Mom,” Shoyu said. “You keep everyone healthy.”

 

Sakura chuckled. “What would you like to do to celebrate?”

 

Shoyu shrugged. “I just want to shower right now. Don’t wait for me for dinner.”

 

His mother stuttered a quickgood bye as Shoyu left. The hospital wasn’t far from the bathing area and he was all too glad for it. Blood always left him feeling grimy, even after a thorough cleaning from the nurses, and a shower would rid him of the feeling. 

 

The whole shower area was still rather new -- only three years old -- and had been hard to build, but had greatly improved sanitation in the village. Nobuya had spent nearly a decade designing it and the plumbing system and then building and destroying prototypes until they finally found a working design. The old latrines were not missed.

 

Shoyu jumped when a hand clapped his naked back. 

 

“Shoyu-kun!” Nobuya said. “It’s been a while. How is your father doing?”

 

Shoyu smiled. Used as he was to them, he still couldn’t help but stare at the burn scars that covered Nobuya. “Good. Busy, as always. What about yourself, Nobuya-san?”

 

“Good, good. My new students have kept me entertained lately.”

 

Nobuya’s engineering class was one Shoyu wished he would have had the time for, but between sparring, medicine and training Shirakaba, it was impossible. Either way, he didn’t have the prerequisite knowledge to begin with. He hadn’t had the time for those classes, too.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it,” Shoyu said. “How are you liking teaching?” 

 

Nobuya went on for a while, always an old man at heart. Once, during a bonfire celebration where his father and Nobuya complained of the aches of old age, his mother had whispered to him Nobuya’s true age. It had shocked him. He wasn’t any older than his parents, and his parents weren’t  _ that _ old.

 

“You know,” Nobuya said, almost whispering conspiratorially, “I could still make time for an extra student and special classes. If you were interested.”

 

Nobuya knew full well Shoyu was interested. How many times had he sat with the other children, listening in wonder as Nobuya explained to them how their world functioned? More than he could possibly count. 

 

“I wouldn’t want to burden you so much,” Shoyu said. “You already have so much on your plate.”

 

“Think about it. When you decide to take me up on my offer, I’ll be happy to teach you what I can.”

 

Nobuya left soon after and Shoyu stared after him. Perhaps, if Nobuya was willing to give night classes… Sighing, Shoyu moved into his shower stall and started the water. There was still warm water left today and he took an extra minute to just enjoy the spray of it on his body. A quick check of his side showed him he had done a good job fixing his slash wound the previous night, but he could already see the beginning of a scar. It wouldn’t be too hard to hide.

 

Surrounded by the sound of running water everywhere in the room, Shoyu could hardly hear anything else. It was rather loud, but he didn’t mind. There was privacy in the lack of silence; the kind of privacy he never got to enjoy at home. Maybe if his parents and sister weren’t ninja, he might feel different, but as it was, he didn’t feel like he could breathe without being heard.

 

Sighing, Shoyu stared down at his erection. He knew everything there was to know about puberty and sexual functions, but it didn’t make them any less bothersome. He still remembered the time where he could look at people innocently, without distraction, and dearly missed it. Now, instead, his mind wandered to Sasuke. 

 

Sasuke had never been a shy man, and Shoyu had always admired it -- until his shirtless sparring and constant touching began arousing him. That had made training an entirely new kind of difficult. In the showers, though, those images were far from unpleasant. 

 

…

 

Fresh from his shower, Shoyu walked through the village at his leisure. Sometimes, vendors would mistake him for his father and stop him in his walk to offer him praise or gifts, until they realized their mistake and instead congratulated him on being the Hokage’s apprentice. Under a henge as he was now, few people looked his way. Shoyu preferred it so. When he stood in line to buy dinner, no one talked to him, and he left with his curry without fuss. 

 

Sitting as he ate, Shoyu watched the people around him. As a young child, no more than five, he remembered playing with a child so dirty and smelly he had almost run away at first. The child wasn’t really dirty, he realized later, but his clothes had absorbed the smell of the latrines and would never go away. They had been friends for a while, until he fell sick and died. Death had been a part of his childhood, but always from a distance until that day. His mother cared for the child, but she hadn’t been able to save him. Once, on his hospital cot, he asked Shoyu why he didn’t work the latrines, and Shoyu had had no answer to give. Now, he knew he’d been spared that kind of work his entire life because his father was the Hokage. 

 

At the table, no other shared that kind of privilege. He could tell some people earned a better living than others, either from the thickness of their fat, or the quality of their clothes, or even from how well-groomed they were. All of them were civilian, because civilians disliked mingling with ninja, so they sat apart for dinner. Shoyu always preferred to sit with them whenever he could get away with it. No matter how nice and genuine, ninja looked down on the civilians. He supposed that was what the power to kill without effort did to a person.

 

Done with his meal, Shoyu resumed his stroll. When Yamato and his son came into sight, Shoyu hurried in a different direction until bright colors caught his eye. He stopped near the stall and looked at the displayed clothes one by one. The patterns varied greatly. More than the others, he liked the yukata that started in one color and faded into another gradually. He wondered briefly how such patterns were made, but the answer was also displayed in the back of the store: the girl working there tied the clothes in intricate ways and dipped them into dye.

 

Shoyu had seen that girl before. She sometimes played the harmonica for money in the village center, entertaining people after the sun went down. When he’d first seen her a few months ago, he’d had to ask his mother what the instrument was as he’d never seen it before. 

 

“If you need anything, just let me know,” the girl said.

 

Shoyu almost jumped. He gave a quick nod and polite answer. She was sitting and weaving a new piece of clothing from dyed yarn. Watching her work was enthralling. Progress was slow, but her hands moved with enough speed and confidence for even a ninja to envy. 

 

“Like what you see?” she laughed.

 

Shoyu swallowed his spit and walked closer, cheeks burning. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

 

“It’s okay,” she said. “You’re not the first or the last.”

 

“Do you like doing this?” Shoyu asked. 

 

Now closer, he could see the design of this piece was much more complicated than those of the dyes. He was fairly certain Naruto owned a shirt similar to this.

 

“I do,” she said. “Very much. My mother taught me. It’s a trade we’ve been passing down for generations, among others.”

 

“Did your mother play the harmonica, too?”

 

The weaver laughed, and her pretty blue eyes were even brighter. “You’ve seen me play, then? I’m afraid I don’t recognize your face.”

 

Shoyu scratched the back of his head. She probably would if it wasn’t for the henge. “I have. I enjoyed it a lot.”

 

“Yes, she did. In fact, that harmonica is an heirloom from my great-great-grandmother back when my family still lived in Rock.”

 

Shoyu hummed. He had no such precious heirloom passed down in his family. “What are you making?”

 

“A dress. The woman who ordered it said it was for her daughter’s wedding.”

 

“It looks pretty.”

 

The girl smiled and thanked him. For a while longer, he watched her work in silence. 

 

“What’s your name?” she said. “If you’re going to keep me company, I might as well know.”

 

Shoyu’s cheeks warmed again. He really hadn’t meant to just stand there and stare, but it wasn’t often he got the chance to watch someone work. “Shoyu.”

 

“Like the Seventh’s son?”

 

“Ah, um.” Shoyu chuckled. “Yeah. Like that. What’s yours?”

 

“Mayumi,” she said. “It’s nice to meet you, Shoyu-kun.”

 

“Nice to meet you too.”

 

“Do you want to sit with me? There’s space here.”

 

Shoyu sat with her on the small bench she worked from. Small as the bench was, he tried his best to not brush against her. She smelled nice.

 

“So what do you do?”

 

“I’m a doctor.”

 

Mayumi turned to him with wide eyes, but then quickly went back to her work. “A doctor? Really? You look young.”

 

Shoyu never tried to make his henge drastically different, only civilian and without the obvious hair. “I graduated just today. I’ve been training with my mom for the last five years.”

 

Mayumi hummed. “Congratulations, then. I’ve been weaving and dying with my mom since I was five. She owned this shop before me.”

 

Shoyu didn’t want to ask why her mother no longer owned the shop. The answer was always too similar. “How long have you been doing this, then?”

 

Mayumi smirked. “How long would you reckon?”

 

Shoyu hesitated. Mayumi didn’t look very old at all, but the quality of her work and her steady hands made him doubt. “I really couldn’t tell…”

 

“Thirteen,” Mayumi chuckled. “I’m eighteen. How old are you, doctor-san?”

 

“Seventeen. Just call me Shoyu.”

 

“Then I guess our jobs both make us look older, hm?”

 

Shoyu sat with Mayumi for the rest evening. They didn’t speak much, but he was content just sitting by her side. 

 

…

 

When Shoyu finally came home, his mother was waiting for him in the kitchen, a present neatly wrapped in front of her on the table. 

 

“Sorry I didn’t come home earlier,” Shoyu said, hugging his mother. She returned his embrace, smiling brightly to hide the tiredness in her eyes. “I didn’t think you’d be waiting for me.”

 

“It’s alright,” Sakura said, but Shoyu didn’t believe it. “You’re a big boy now, you’ve got your own life to live. Open it.”

 

Shoyu untied the cloth carefully and found three scrolls inside. He picked at random and read the first one, frowning when he was surprised by the difficulty of it. Then his breath caught in his throat. “Is this really possible, Mom?”

 

Sakura nodded, smirking. “Yes. It’s the Fifth’s technique.”

 

Shoyu scanned the rest of the scroll. It seemed impossible -- to heal from the inside out without even needing to be conscious… it would be to be god-like. 

 

“It’s a technique we keep very secret,” Sakura said, more serious. “I trust you will do the same, Shoyu-kun.”

 

“Baa-sama taught you this?” 

 

Sakura nodded. “Yes. I’ll teach it to you now, but knowing you, you won’t even need any help, am I right?”

 

More than ever, Shoyu wished he could have met the woman that would have been his grandmother. He knew the Fifth was not his mother’s biological mother, but she spoke fondly of her just as if she was, so he considered her his grandmother. 

 

“Look at the others.”

 

The second scroll surprised him as well, but with this one, at least, he could see how it was possible. He would need to be careful with his chakra usage for a long time, but storing chakra seemed much more manageable than self-healing. The last scroll was a contract.

 

“I already talked with Katsuyu,” Sakura said. “She’s willing to have you as a master.”

 

Completing the contract was easy. A blood seal was all that was necessary thanks to Katsuyu’s gentle nature. 

 

Sakura smiled from the other side of the table, watching Shoyu. She reached across the table and ran her fingers through his hair. “You look more and more like your father by the day.”

 

“What did my father look like at my age?”

 

Cheeks red, his mother crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair, covering her lips with her fingers. “Ah, well, not much different than today, I suppose.”

 

“Really?”

 

She shrugged, laughing. “He doesn’t age, I swear. Hopefully you get his good genes.”

 

The door opened and Kakashi walked inside the house, hair still dripping wet and Sanma, with identical grey dripping hair,  on his hip. Suama came running from her bedroom to greet her father. Suama, though, was all their mother when it came to hair. 

 

“Daddy!” Suama held up her arms. “I missed you!”

 

Kakashi laughed and picked up his daughter with his free arm. “Really? I wasn’t gone so long.”

 

“Daddy’s girl,” Sakura laughed. 

 

“You are daddy’s girl, aren’t you?” Kakashi chuckled, pecking her on the forehead. “Well, I missed you too.”

 

Sanma flailed on Kakashi’s other side. “Down!”

 

Kakashi let him down and Sanma ran to his bedroom as fast as his tiny, chubby legs would allow him. 

 

Kakashi laughed. “Now that one doesn’t miss me.”

 

“Yamato says he has your character,” Sakura said, frowning. She stood up to kiss Kakashi. “And to expect him to be quite the brat when he grows up.”

 

Shoyu smiled to himself. His little brother was definitely more of a handful than he remembered his sister being. 

 

“I certainly hope he’s wrong,” Kakashi laughed, putting down Suama. “Now go to bed, you, it’s late.”

 

Suama grumbled, but obeyed. 

 

Kakashi ruffled Shoyu’s hair. “Your mother tells me you graduated today.”

 

“He did,” Sakura said, beaming. “I’m so proud.”

 

Kakashi pulled a scroll from his pocket and handed it to Shoyu. “Congratulations.”

 

Shoyu didn’t need to open it. He could see his father’s dogs’ insignia on it. “Thanks, Dad.”

 

“We’ll complete the ritual tomorrow,” Kakashi said. Sakura sidled up to him, pressing her cheek to his chest with the same proud smile on her face. “It’s best to do it before the seal for two-tails is done. They might dislike it.”

 

Shoyu nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I have training with Sasuke tomorrow morning. Is that alright?”

 

His father nodded, but his face hardened the way it always did when Sasuke was mentioned. Shoyu never understood his father’s dislike for Sasuke. He’d never been anything but good to his family and cared for his mother deeply.

 

When the silence stretched too long, Shoyu looked up at his father. “Dad, can I ask you something?” 

 

Kakashi nodded. “What is it, son?”

 

“How old were you when you first killed?”

 

Both Sakura and Kakashi’s eyebrows shot up. 

 

He took a moment to answer. “Ah, six, I think? Maybe seven. I can’t remember. Why do you ask?”

 

“I’m just trying to understand what it was like,” Shoyu said, “back then. Back when you had missions. Were you really that young?”

 

Kakashi nodded. “I was an exceptional case. I graduated long before the usual age. Sakura-chan, now, she graduated normally… How old were you?” He turned to his wife, rubbing his chin. “Thirteen?”

 

Sakura chuckled and shook her head. “I was sixteen. Late bloomer.”

 

“Sixteen?” Kakashi said, frowning. “Don’t tell me it was -- “

 

“It was.”

 

They stared at each other for a moment. His mother might have looked proud, but his father seemed sorry. Shoyu frowned to himself. They made killing sound like an everyday thing --  _ late bloomer _ she said, like it was a bad thing. His father couldn’t even remember the first person he had killed. 

 

Shoyu stood and headed for his bedroom. “I’m going to bed. Good night.”

 

…

 

For training the next day, Sasuke led him outside the village and to the Hokage monument. It wasn’t often he got to see it from up close. His mother had a few pictures in her bedroom, but none of his grandmother, and seeing her face carved in the rock was the only way he could imagine her. His father’s face, on the other hand, was a strange sight. All the rock faces held the same expression -- rather severe -- and he simply couldn’t see his father that way. It fit Sasuke’s face perfectly, though, and looked alien on Naruto’s.

 

“We’ll spar here,” Sasuke finally said.

 

Shoyu immediately fell into battle position. Sasuke did not like wasting time and was true to himself as usual. Most days, Shoyu could hold his own against his mentor, but today was no such day. Sasuke kicked, punched and targeted his wounded side every single chance he got and Shoyu was left panting and squinting in pain on his knees and hands.

 

Naturally, Sasuke punished such weakness by tackling him to the ground and holding a kunai to his throat. 

 

Watching Sasuke above him, Shoyu swallowed. Sasuke sat on top of him, a solid hand on his chest to immobilize him, and stared Shoyu straight in the eyes. When he was younger, Sasuke’s blank eye always distressed him. Now, though, Shoyu found it rather…

 

Sasuke slid his hand up Shoyu’s chest and to his throat until he cupped his chin from under, and shivers ran down Shoyu’s spine. Sasuke leaned down closer, close enough for Shoyu to feel his breath on his cheeks. Shoyu’s eyes fluttered closed and he grasped at the grass under his hands to keep from reaching up and closing the distance between them.

 

When Sasuke let go of his throat and his warmth disappeared, Shoyu opened his eyes to find him standing on his knees, a hand on his hip. 

 

Sasuke smirked. “Is something the matter, Shoyu-chan?”

 

Shoyu’s cheeks caught on fire. He pushed himself up on his elbows and avoided Sasuke’s eyes. “No.”

 

No, a hundred wild scenarios hadn’t just played out in his mind. He definitely did not have the most intense hard-on he’d ever had. Or that was what Shoyu tried to convince himself to believe. He closed his eyes and willed his body to calm down before Sasuke noticed anything he shouldn’t. If he hadn’t  _ already _ .

 

Sasuke stood and offered him a hand up. Shoyu took it and was swiftly brought back to reality by the throbbing pain in his side. Sasuke’s grip on his hand kept him from tumbling to his knees.

 

Laughing, Sasuke pulled him up. “Softie. This is good training for you.”

 

Shoyu pursed his lips, cradling his side. 

 

“Whatever happened to you, anyway?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Sasuke leaned in his fist on his hip. “Your side.”

 

“You just hit me there constantly?”

 

“Do you think I’m blind?” Sasuke lifted Shoyu’s shirt before he could stop him. “That’s quite the scar.”

 

Shoyu’s breath caught in his throat a moment too long. “You mean… you could tell?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“How?”

 

Sasuke shrugged and dropped his shirt. “You were sluggish on that side. Why do you think I targeted it in the first place?”

 

Staring down at the grass, Shoyu frowned. It was what battle experienced meant, he supposed. Sasuke could effortlessly spot an invisible injury, yet Shoyu, natural genius that he was, had barely been able to keep his wits together during a real battle. All the training and practice he’d had might as well have been thrown out the window.

 

“You won’t tell me?”

 

Broken out of his thoughts, Shoyu looked back up at Sasuke. “I… fought with someone when I went to Otafuku.”

 

“Did you? Were you able to identify them?”

 

Shoyu touched his forehead. “He had a forehead protector. From Kumo.”

 

Sasuke frowned, his good eye lost in thought.

 

“But it had a slash across it.”

 

“Then he wasn’t from Kumo,” Sasuke said. When Shoyu just stared, Sasuke continued, “A slash across the insignia indicates he betrayed his country. If the protector was his to begin with, then he likely has no affiliation with Kumo anymore.”

 

“Ninja… do that? Why?”

 

Sasuke laid a hand on Shoyu’s shoulder and sat him down on the grass with him. “Disagreements with how their village is being run, I suppose. I’ve never met many defectors myself.”

 

For a while, Sasuke spoke of the old ways Shoyu had never gotten to experience himself, of the morally questionable missions they sometimes had to carry out and the cruelty of their old system. Sasuke and Naruto’s common dream had been to change that -- and they had succeeded, to an extent at the very least, as far as Shoyu could tell. He couldn’t imagine living the life of a mercenary as his parents had.

 

“Have you given more thought to whether or not you’ll take the beast?” Sasuke asked.

 

Shoyu fiddled with a blade of grass, tearing it to tiny pieces. “No. Not really. I haven’t had time yet.”

 

“It would be a good move,” Sasuke said. Shoyu turned to him. “It would give you an enormous advantage in battle.”

 

“It would make me a walking target. A freak.”

 

Being the Seventh’s son already made him stand out enough. If he took the beast,  _ everyone _ would know him. 

 

Sasuke hummed. “You’re not wrong.”

 

“You still think I should?”

 

Sasuke turned to watch Shoyu’s face for a moment. “It’s your decision to make. I would advise you do, though. It’s the biggest bargaining chip you’ll ever have -- and it’s valid  _ everywhere _ .”

 

If he’d had the beast, would the Kumo ninja still have attacked him? 

 

“When we were young,” Sasuke said, startling Shoyu, “we all knew Naruto was different. They wouldn’t tell us why, but kids aren’t that dumb. They see their parents do, they do. Being on the same team as him… I remember Sakura hated him especially. At first, at least.”

 

Shoyu frowned. “Mom? What do you mean?”

 

Sasuke chuckled and ruffled Shoyu’s hair. “They really never did tell you, then.”

 

“Tell me what?”

 

“That you’re one dense kid,” Sasuke laughed, hand still in Shoyu’s hair. Shoyu’s cheeks reddened again. “You could rival Naruto.”

 

“Are you saying mom was the third person on you and Naruto’s team?”

 

Sasuke nodded. “Yes, that is what I’m saying, Shoyu-chan.”

 

“Then that means…” Shoyu frowned. “Was… dad her teacher, then? But she always said Baa-sama was her teacher.”

 

“Our team didn’t last very long. We all moved on to different teachers after a while.”

 

Shoyu fell silent. Sasuke had called him dense and Shoyu couldn’t disagree. He couldn’t fight even if he was strong, he still told his true name when under a henge… he never put two and two together about his parents. His mother most definitely looked younger than his father, but he’d never thought much of it. And that she would talk of Naruto as a brother made sense now.

 

“Sasuke…” Shoyu toyed with a new blade of grass. “How old are you?”

 

“Ah,” Sasuke chuckled. He wrapped an arm around Shoyu’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “Finally curious, I see.”

 

Shoyu shoved Sasuke’s shoulder, but Sasuke held on tight, laughing. “Don’t make fun of me.”

 

“I’m a few months older than your mother.”

 

Shoyu pursed his lips and Sasuke laughed again. 

 

“Maybe you should ask her that question.”

 

“I’ll give you something you want if you give me an answer,” Shoyu said, then added, looking up at Sasuke. “the real answer.”

 

Sasuke looked down at him, smirking. “And what is it I want?”

 

Shoyu shrugged. “You tell me.”

 

Sasuke hummed, staring off into the distance. Then he smiled and squeezed Shoyu’s shoulder. “I’ve gotten what I wanted from you today. I’ll just tell you. I’m thirty-five. Kakashi is forty-eight according to the records I’ve seen.”

 

Thirty-five. The math wasn’t hard to do -- his mother had been his age when she’d been pregnant with him. His age when his father had slept with her when he was… thirty. Shoyu’s mind went blank. On one side, it made his stomach churn, but on the other, maybe it meant he wasn’t so bad himself. And his parents were happy together, weren’t they?

 

…

 

When Shoyu came home, he found his father sitting outside and waiting for him. More than ever, Shoyu didn’t know what to think of him. He’d been told the legends about his father, the Seventh, since his birth, yet he’d never been able to reconcile the image he had of his father with that of the legend. Dad was Dad. He was nice, funny, if a little too overbearing with training sometimes… a man who slept with and married his student. 

 

Someone he didn’t really know all that well.

 

“Are you ready to sign the contract?” Kakashi asked, smiling.

 

Shoyu nodded. He retrieved the scroll from his bedroom and laid it out on the grass near their house. With his father’s kunai, he nicked his thumb and spread his blood over the scroll. Right away, smoke rose from it and a pack of dogs appeared. 

 

“I’ve been training them for you for a few years now,” Kakashi said. “They should be obedient enough, but you’ll need to learn to train their pups when they come.”

 

The dogs bounced about Kakashi’s feet, yipping and barking, some small and one so large Shoyu wasn’t quite sure he could even wrap his arms around it to lift it up. They looked up to his father, their tails wagging, and Shoyu could hardly understand in the cacophony they created. He did catch the words  _ boss  _ and  _ treats _ .

 

“Now, now,” Kakashi chuckled, motioning for the dogs to stay down. “Calm down. We’ve talked about this. The day’s come.”

 

“It’s come?” one dog said, somewhere in the middle of the size spectrum in the group. He turned his fro side to side until he found Shoyu. “Is that my new master?”

 

Kakashi nodded. “That’s my son, Shoyu.”

 

The dog walked to Shoyu, sniffing the grass all along the way. The other dogs followed behind him, much quieter now. Shoyu bent down and offered his hand for the leader to sniff.

 

“That’s Pichi,” Kakashi said. “He’s a bit -- “

 

Pichi bit his hand and Shoyu yelped, yanking it away. 

 

“ -- rough around the edges.”

 

“Weak!” Pichi barked. “He’s weak!”

 

The other dogs began barking with him and Shoyu could only stare at them in mild horror. Kakashi barked an order and all the dogs lied down. 

 

“I don’t like you,” Pichi whined, his long, cream-colored ears flattened against his head. 

 

Shoyu frowned. “I don’t like you very much either. You bit my hand.”

 

Prawn was much nicer than this mutt. She even slept huddled against him at night and purred when he gave her food.

 

Behind the dogs, Kakashi sighed and scratched at his mask. “I guess this won’t be as easy as I planned.”

 

One by one, Kakashi introduced the dogs to him. They all sniffed him, and thankfully, Pichi was the only biter. Of the five dogs, Shoyu preferred Tama. He was the biggest of them, but his fur was the fluffiest and made him look like one big fluff ball. 

 

When he tried to pet Waku, Pichi’s litter brother, he cowered and stuck his nose into the ground.

 

Kakashi laughed. “He’s a bit nervous, that one.”

 

“It’s okay,” Shoyu cooed. “I’ll be your friend.”

 

From the front of the group, Pichi growled. Shoyu thought to remove his hand, but then decided against it, if only to spite the other dog. Waku was a fluttering mess under his fingers, but soon calmed down. 

 

The smallest of them, Pokku, showed his belly immediately when Shoyu presented his hand. Perhaps he would get along better with this one. The last of them was a little smaller than Pichi, but still big enough, and entirely ignored Shoyu. 

 

“Unza isn’t very… energetic,” Kakashi sighed, shaking his head.

 

Now acquainted with all his dogs, Shoyu stood and took a good look at all of them. Pichi and Waku definitely stood out of the pack with their light coats and darker brown spots, but they were the cutest. Unless a fluff ball was cuter.

 

“Now that everyone’s said hello,” Kakashi said, bending down to smile at the dogs. “How about we complete that contract?”

 

Pichi growled, but stopped when Kakashi gave him a stern look. “No.”

 

“What do you mean, no?” Shoyu said, frowning. “You can’t say no.”

 

“He can, actually,” Kakashi said, scratching the back of his head. “He’s the leader of the pack and it’s up to him whether or not you become their master.”

 

“I already sealed the contract with my blood -- “

 

“That’s only an offering to summon them, and one half of the contract. Pichi will need to complete the other half.”

 

“Won’t,” Pichi barked.

 

Shoyu stared down at Pichi and the dog began swishing his tail from one side to the other. He looked back up at his father, but Kakashi wasn’t about to intervene. Shoyu didn’t really want to go through the trouble -- he valued his fingers intact, thank you very much -- but he couldn’t refuse his father’s gift without disappointing him.

 

“You will.” Shoyu bent down to stare at the mutt, arms on his knees. “So sign the contract.”

 

Pichi whined and growled, looking away. “Make me.”

 

“Fine.”

 

Shoyu picked the dog up and Pichi flailed in his arms, large enough that Shoyu struggled to contain him. Pichi threw his head up and knocked it into Shoyu’s jaw hard enough he bit his own tongue and stumbled on his back. 

 

“Quiet!” Shoyu growled, spitting blood. “Look what you’ve done!”

 

“Good!”

 

Heart hammering in his ears, Shoyu rolled onto his stomach to trap Pichi, but Pichi managed to throw him off entirely. Ninken weren’t ordinary dogs and he shouldn’t forget it. Panting on his hands and knees, Shoyu glared at Pichi and Pichi returned it eagerly. 

 

“Just sign the contract, you mutt.”

 

Pichi snarled and lunged forward. If Shoyu hadn’t caught it by the scruff of his neck, Pichi might have bitten a chunk off his arm. This time, Shoyu pinned the dog to the ground with all his weight, carefulness not forgotten but thrown aside entirely. 

 

It would take two entire hours before Pichi finally whined and dropped on his side, panting. “Let go of me.”

 

“Will you sign?”

 

Pichi whined again. “Yes.”

 

From the sidelines, Kakashi laughed. “Just like old times. Congratulations, son.”

 

Pichi signed as promised. As soon as the seal was complete, new smells assaulted Shoyu’s nose. He covered it with his palm, tears stinging the corner of his eyes. 

 

“That’s normal,” Kakashi said, patting his son’s back. “You’ll get used to it.”

 

Shoyu realized the smells weren’t really new, just so intense he could hardly stand it. He recognized the smell of the grass, and the trees -- and even the flowery smell of the shampoo his mother used, even though she was inside the house. 

 

“Dad… can you.... Do you smell mom’s shampoo?”

 

Kakashi nodded, laugh lines tugging at the corners of his eyes. “Yes. And much more. I know it’s overwhelming at first, but it will be useful once you can tell scents apart.”

 

Still crushing his nose under his palm, Shoyu frowned. Yet one more thing he’d never known about his father. And how could he even handle this? Shoyu’s nose felt like it was on fire, and even with it covered, it felt as if he could smell a hundred different things at once. Some he could pick apart, but his sense was so overloaded that all the scents seemed to mingle in one burning perfume.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
